There is this phenomenon in awakening called the Dark Night Of The Soul. Lots of talk about it, but I don’t know if people understand just why it comes on.
Its ego that drives this. See, in awakening, there is this huge thing pushing into you….its now inevitable. Its the universe. Its your higher being coming to call and you chose this even if you don’t remember. Its yours, and now this larger energy is filling you and in order for the pain and hurt and strain to go away, you have to submit. You have to surrender. You have to let go. The night goes on for as long as you make it. Ego, which identifies with all of the things that serve to limit and narrow the channels of the bliss that is about to fill you, creates an unbelievable level of strain and this translates into pain and hurt. Its not physical, but many who go through this often go to doctors. Its energetic and its just that strong. But its identification with ego that causes the dark night. Attached to ego is the identification with emotional attachments that are karmic in nature. All of this weighs you down and is NOT the vibe of the universe filling you. You have to let it all go in order to feel this energy flow through you unencumbered. Until you do this, it will hurt. And you will feel fear and worry. Thats ego telling you that you are small and this thing is BIG. Well, in truth, its just YOU and YOU are unbelivably big. And beautiful. And when you realize its just a shift in consciousness that this energy is pushing for, you just let go. This is just how ingrained ego is. And as goes ego, so goes your karmic attachments. And all these attachments are largely unexamined things that you have shoved down not just in your life but for lifetimes. And kundalini is the wakeup call.
Do yourself a favor; trust this. It might feel like something is invading you, but its because you have so blocked it out that you didn’t realize it WAS you. This can suggest just how revolutionary awakening can be. It shows you just how you you have not been. All along. You singk into authentic self and as you limp off thinking about how you have ben spending your life with things that you thought were important, it dawns on you.
This process also teaches you the physical alchemy you need to develop in order to mirror the bliss that is on its way. You can do this by surrendering. You DO NOT need to know. It will show you. Like the perfect lover, it will gently and lovingly show you THE way. And you simply have to understand there really IS only one way: ITS WAY. Align align align. FEEL. When you do that, and just that, you will be led to this new place and out of the dark night. COnsider that St Teresa of Avilla spent decades bed ridden. She was an early christian mystic who most certainly had an awakening, as did St. John The Cross. It isn’t that there isn’t anything to do….its that you have to realize just how deeply you must surrender and trust that this is all divine and that whatever shadow you see exists with the ego and its overidentification with problems and issues. Its like surrendering to love, to a lover. You might be scared shitless at first, but in the end you just have to let go and let love. And that is how it works. Ego is never destroyed, though, its just moved to the back of the bus. And there, it works very well. Then, just on the other side of this struggle is a broad expanse. I suspect the dark night comes when the ego suddenly realizes just how close it is to what it thinks is obliteration. Its not, but its not so sure. But if you can trust what I say, it can be easier. In another post I will tell you some things that helped me cope with a dark night. I didn’t even know WHAT it was I was going through (I later learned the term after the fact), but some things help ease it until you get the whole ego thing down.