Your Day Is Your Teacher

Before I went through awakening, I will admit I was not as aware of this idea as I probably could have been.  I KNEW I created my own reality.  I did. But what I didn't do was to see just HOW MUCH I was really really creating it.  All of it.  Who I was, what I was, how I was arranged, what I felt...the energy coursing through my energetic veins was determining so many things!  I just wasn't aware how deep it went.  I wasn't as observant as I could be, I don't think.  I didn't realize just how deep all of this went.

When I woke up, I got a second chance at getting a good old wake-up slap on my head.  And it sunk down into me.  Deep.  The force of awakening woke me to a level of knowing that's hard to explain....as though perceptual abilities were not just sharpened, but bloomed....the sense of Gnosis, what the Greeks called knowing, moved in me.  And what was in me was in the world.  HOW I FELT about that world was the flux field that determined what was happening with me.

So when it came time for me to backtrack in my work, which I did, I found that this stirred a world of things in me that I thought I was DONE with.  See, we can fool ourselves all the time.  Awareness is huge for us, and we do A LOT to hide things from ourselves.  What we hide, we do not see, what we do not see, we do not work on.  It remains until we realize there is SOMETHING in us that is putting off this vibration in us to cause certain things to happen because HOW we are serves to determine HOW events go.  We ARE NOT victims here.  Source granted us FREEWILL.  So HUGE was this that Source WILL NOT get in the way of that freewill.....even if it means killing or hurting others.  EVEN then!  Holy moley, right?  H-H-H-HUGE.

So as I did this, it actually showed me upclose and personal all the work I had to refine.  To work on. I had a history with people who claimed to love me actually hurting me, a very specific kind of hurt, too.  I had been married before all of this, had kids and this person who was someone I shared a life with and who I thought I knew turned her back on some very important issues she gave lip service to but didn't actually follow through on.  Thing is, I KNEW she knew these were important things.  She was going back on some pretty critical things simply to hurt me.  Now for as petty as that may seem (to me and to my lawyer, both), this was shown in the bright lights of my awakening as something I had to work on.  Afterall, I was attracting this.  I was.  And when I thought maybe I had worked through it, I met another person who I realized was going to do something very similar, something that represented the merry-go-round nature of karma and how we really can't attract anything different from what we are deep down. The saving grace is that we can change, DO change at all different places in our lives.  So this work, I was doing.  Digging digging....And I was releasing SO MUCH JUNK!  And yet, this issue remained and as a result, I attracted based on that.  This is the relentlessness of how this all works.  You just can't bullshit your way around this stuff.  You can, sure, but Buddha once said there were three things you cannot hide; the sun, the moon, and the truth.  So, it is going to come around.  Watch the tree and observe what it produces.  Watch people.  You don't even need to take their word for it, just watch.  Over months, years, if need be.  What they say and how they act and what they produce as the fruit of their lives will reveal itself.  Eventually, the truth will be revealed.  Known.

So as this all took place, I saw the Dark Goddess in all her terrible presence.  And I knew how it was going to go.  Dark goddess?  What do I mean when I say this?  Within us there is both shadow and light.  We have the power, we have the choice to decide.  Its freewill.  Quite naturally, there are not just the gods and goddesses that are all light, but are also consumed by shadow, by their dark sides.  When we, in the awakened state experience such negativity, we experience the ascended darkness or the ascended light.  Again, what does that mean? it means we have the potential for both, and it is WE who decide.  And in that moment, even as my head and heart all knew that nothing good would come of this, that all of this was following a pattern, and even when I spoke this truth, the fact that my root chakra was not yet cleared, IT vibrated at an energetic frequency that was not convinced.  Now, I tell you, there is no worse place to be.....for everything in you says this is going to be bad because it turned out bad with another person before this, and clearly with the third ey and heart I could see this....but the root would not let go, could not.  Such is the nature of the unhealed lightbody.  But even then, in partial knowing, it was read by the Goddess as rejection, as abandonment, hurt, pain, and all she knew to do was to strike back.....to seek to harm and hurt.

So for one relationship I had a child turned against me.  this child wont pseak to me because he believes what his mother has told him.  Buys it hook line and sinker.  Besides, why would his mother lies to him about such things, right?   In another instance it was said in a puvlic forum that I was sexually abusing the students I taught at the school I work at.  It was said that I used my abilities to manipulate people into doing my will.  Further, I admitted to this Dark Goddess that I did this in order to get what I wanted.  It wasn't just that I did this, I did so wantonly, with design, with malice!  But this was not all.  if soeone else was percieved as somehow coming into a circle of influence, those people, too, would be subjected to the same kind of behavior, which was an attempt to punish, to hurt, and to demonize.  So hurt, so broken from the past that the past and present cannot be seen for what they are or as they are.  So clouded the vision, so bloodied the heart.  When we do this kind of thing we grow more karma, we do more harm not just to others, but to ourselves.  It is unfortunate, but out of such things I had to stop and just look at myself and ask why I had attracted this.  I didn't make them act this way, no, they chose this, but I sure attracted it and THAT was what I had to examine and really look at, because once I did that, I was able to see more clearly the things that remained to be healed.

 My chakra centers, nearly cleared, KNEW this would not go well. I was able to predict just how it would go......how she would seek to punish me, hurt me, even though what I was doing was true and fair......not an effort to hurt or harm, but to cast truth...to speak the truth about how this all was a replay of old hurts.....that we would simply be banging our heads against the wall.  I had already had this experience with a spouse a few years before, so you would think I'd have this one all worked out.  Well, we heal when we heal, and having someone do what my spouse did was particularly hard because it involved children, but the effect was the same pattern of retaliatory behavior in the following relationship, which is the Dark Goddess in her wrath.  She is the image of Kali, the angry one, the one who vents her rage.....but as humans, when we vent our rage it means people get hurt.  The powerful energy behind rage has to be very carefully wielded. 

As a result of this experience, the humbling effect has served to bring me back into myself, back to where I need to be to place my awareness on the parts of me not yet fully healed  What is interesting is that all of this is energetic in nature.  The energy pattern is not physical, so when it heals, IT can heal immediately and completely if we let it.  Whatever lingers can then go on to create disease in the body, so it pays to clear all of this up as these unhealed places represent lifeforce that is being choked off and used for all the wrong things.  So often we wind up experiencing diseases that are all part of a series or spectrum of energy effects that transfer effects through the body wince all of this is delicaely connected (energy feeds into the body!).

Some people say forgiveness is important in healing.  It is.  But what forgiveness does, in all truth, is that is clears the way perceptually for YOU to realize that the truth is that all along all of this hurt and pain and terrible junk that has been happening TO you is actually YOU creating situations in your life where this junk that is IN you plays out in FRONT of you.  So we say we are not aware of our fractures, and yet those fractures are right there IN your life.  The women in my past were all very good at putting on a face at the beginning of their day, but this face was the ace they thought they had to wear.  I too in a way was doing the same thing. I finally grew tired of the masks and when that happened, the masks began to fall away.  The layers of hurt and propriety fell away.  the bullshit fell away.

And this is the fear that we feel when we wake up. We fear death, we fear change, we fear it being different.  Knee-jerk.  Totally.  But once we DO change, its never so bad as we thought.

So let it go. Your higher self will lead you perfectly.  Think of it as being like a cosmic parent that is there helping to mold and shape your life and wont lead you to the wrong place.  Just to the places that you need to go to learn. And you will realize that none of this is being done to you.....this is happening for a reason, no exceptions, and it has to do with who you are and HOW that "are" puts out a vibration which magically attracts certain events and things into your life.  Want to change that equation?  Change yourself.  All the way down, truly, fully and honestly.  That is the answer.  And the work is what lies in front of you since the hardest part has already been done; the realization that there is more work to do!

Good luck and all my heart-felt blessings for you in this!

Fear = Door

Next time that you feel fear about something, I want you to tell yourself "my fear is a doorway."  For as hard as that fear seems to you, keep thinking how it is a door.  Begin visualizing that fear, no matter how hard, is in truth a door.  Keep thinking that way.  You don't have to go through the door yet if you do not want to, but begin cementing that in your mind at least for now.

then, when you are ready, approach the fear.  Approach it with inquisitiveness and curiosity.  Is it really going to kill you?  Maim you?  Perhaps if it is a grizzly bear, perhaps yes, it could certainly kill you, but what I am talking about is something that grips you in the chest and gives you that pulse of adrenaline, something that tells you that you have reason to fear.  We all tell ourselves that fear is a good thing because it helps us to keep safe.  And yes, in terms of that grisly bear, you are absolutely right.  Having been face to face with a bear once, I think you have to proceed with wise caution and care.  However, I am not talking about this.  I am talking about something that has to do with an event that is in your past that you are now bringing unknowingly and only half aware into the moment so that it splashes its fear coloring onto everything that you see that you think is probably a good fit for the paint of fear. It could be something so far back you don't even have a memory of it, but it is no less accessible to you because of this (if you can feel it, it is right where you are!) I was talking to graduate students a few weeks ago about this, how fear is the one things that holds us back from so much.  Looking at the group I could sense all sorts of different fears within them.  We are all this way, you see, and we also benefit greatly by conquering fear because it also conquers and quiets our past too.  I said that if you were a kid and saw a man with a bald head and a grey beard lift up a child and beat him on the street, you could easily grow up to secretly fear such people who remind you of that past traumatic event.  Without knowing it, you would go on to paint people, however subtly, with a brush that does not fit them, but fits how you feel, regardless of the facts.

In meditation, in inner work, we can sometimes rub up against these fears.  As can often be the case, our consciousness can project what I think of as a dream image in front of our awareness.  It is essentially the same as a dream image.  It is simply a container for something that has no form.  We give the feeling form and thus our minds can work with it.  We see something in our mind's eye that feels scary or strange that we respond negatively to.  Often, we shrink back, or we demonize it.  We see it as bad.  We put it outside ourselves.  We objectify it.  We put it outside of ourselves even though it is not outside of us.  It is very much inside of us.  It is HOW we are choosing to see something.  In inner work, this can get slippery sometimes for the fact that we can be seeing something that we are not fully resolved with.  In not being resolved, we also may be inflexible in our willingness to move it around our perception and our fuller faculties.  Maybe we see a goblin, a demon, or a wall.  Maybe we hear a noise, dream of something, or feel some sense of menace.  For as much as we may think that the object is outside of us, the fear is not.  It is us, and it binds us into a relationship with the object of our fear in a way that keeps that relationship active and limits us.  It is a curious truth that when you overcome a fear, the phenomenon connected to the fear can change entirely.  Some part of you also changes in the process.  For the better.  For instead of allowing yourself to be robbed of energy by feeding your vitality into fear, you are free to feed it into asuredness, confidence, joy, happiness, or bliss.  When you resolve something like this, you no longer have a block about it, but you have a channel for energy to flow.  So then, fear ceases being a wall or insurmountable thing, but a doorway.  For you.  For your energetic self.  So if you do work in meditation, or in mindfulness, thinking this way can be not only cathartic, it can be another tool in dissolving blocks.  

So look, your fear can become a door.  At any moment, you can stop shrinking back and just enter.  When you do, when you let go and just go, the nature of whatever that things is can change.  to do this requires grace because by grace, we can let go down to our very roots.  Ask for the help of god or some god or deity if you have to, whatever it takes to get the job done!  If it works, I say use it!  Belief is a powerful thing.  But isn't it time that you stopped worrying on that bone?

Yes, fear can be an opportunity to know what is real.  In vanquishing old fear, you do not turn a blind eye to what is real, you simply realize what IS real.  Your fear is not some insurmountable wall.  It is a doorway. 

Scary Spirits and Kundalini

I thought in honor of our Hallows Eve, I might talk about fear for a bit. 

When we rely on the words of others, the teachings of others, we become bound by those things.  Most often, we are unable to think authentically for ourselves.  Our teachings can even say we do not have a way to discern truth save by the words handed down by us, and yet what has been handed down to us bear the marks of those who have interpreted, translated, and even altered some of these documents over time.  We know this is the case because of cross-referencing many documents that are versions of the same old story.  Like the Bible.  The problem as I see it is that we expect that our old books to have somehow been handed down to us without a single inch of spin put on them by others.  And yet, so many of these books were received through the spoken word.  Someone sat down and wrote them down.  Someone else copied the text, spoke it, and yet another wrote the words down as best as they could remember them.  So we have VERSIONS of the same story often in many different books.  If we are seeking literal interpretations, that gets to be pretty hard with all the versions.  I don't even want to get deep into translation issues because the truth is, its tricky.  Jesus, for example, spoke in Aramaic, which is itself a highly contextual language.  This means that something can be taken many different ways if you don't fully understand just what it is the person is talking about.  Imagine someone trying to explain a mystery to you, a deep spiritual reality for which there are not words to adequately describe.  The kingdom is like a mustard seed.  The kingdom is like a thief in the night. The kingdom is.....you get the idea.  He was seeking to describe a reality for which there were not really good words, yet he tried.  The result is, you have to seek this thing and experience it yourself.  If you can't think for yourself and rely upon old texts, the problem is you are relying on someones understanding of something that is thousands of years old.  The language could be very different.  We all know language changes over time, and it actually changes quite fast.  Sometimes in just a few generations words can morph and change.  The way we use the word sin today is different from the meaning that it had two thousand years ago.  Today, sin carries with it a sense of judgement, but in the world of two thousand years ago, it was quite different.  Sin was anything that caused you harm.  Getting angry and taking out on others could have been a sin.  The point was to not do harm to yourself.  Nowadays sin seems to suggest a judgement that could send you to hell.  In the old days, allowing yourself to harm your spirit meant it coarsened your perception of the divine and thus kept you from the light that was within you that is divine. 

Being unable to look clearly at the experience of spiritual ascension results in pitfalls for the individual which can draw in fear and can stymie you.  It can be a challenge enough as it is to surrender to such a powerful experience as awakening in order that it can come into your life and work the greatest change within you.  It was hard for me when I was not completely surrendered.  I struggled.  Ego was certainly in the way, and it felt like a giant vise was crushing me!  This went on for days, weeks, and months, until I learned how to simply slip out of the grip of this vice-like effect.  Once I did this, only then did I realize that it was my perception that was creating it.  My own fear, my own ego, was limiting my experience of this very powerful and divine force moving in my life.  What seemed like a brooding gorilla in the corner turned into a brilliant rush of color and light the next.  It all had to do with belief and an unwillingness to surrender to my higher self.  Until I did that, I was locked in a egoistic struggle with my lower self who wanted to remain in charge.  By letting go, it was as though parts of me slipped to the back of the bus and no longer was involved in driving the bus.  In order for me to know something more, I had to let go of what I thought I knew. I was standing before a potentially expansive reality while holding my eyes part way shut.  Something had to give.  I gave up.  I gave up and began to trust.  When I did that, my experience changed dramatically.  But until I did, demons and spirits abounded. 

Even today there is a rising tide of fear about the sheer number of awakenings happening.  We are at a critical point in our history when the race itself is primed for this flow of divine energy into the planet.  And yet, it is sometimes met with fear.  It is met with fear because it seems strange, and yet, all of the things that are described as being a "false spirit" or what some call a "counterfeit spirit" actually match the movement of the Holy Spirit.  It seems strange only because it has been so still for so long.  Many people experience the Holy Spirit in just the way that it is now expressing itself in church meetings, and yet there is great fear that this might be something to be afraid of. 

Part of the fear issue is the whole serpent subject.  In the book of Genesis the being that deceived Adam and Eve was a serpent.  What many do not realize is how important the serpent is in many cultures, including the Muslim faith, Judaism (and by definition Christianity), the middle East, India, Tibet, China and Japan.  So prevalent is this serpent imagery that it is in every single culture and religion as an important and significant element having to do with vital force, life force, and divinity. 

In Christianity, the Seraphim were described as being fiery serpents.  These beings were the ones who were closest to God and were described as having three sets of wings that enabled the angels to surround the brilliant glory of God. It was Moses who was commanded to raise a fiery serpent in the desert, to make it of a metal that would resemble the sun.  It was the Egyptians who honored the serpent as being involved in the spiritual force of the soul that would often be seen emerging from the third eye of the Pharaohs. 

Currently there seems to be a movement afoot to help bring spiritual awakening within certain parts of the Christian church.  This awakening is conferred by touch from those who have themselves been awakened.  The result of this transfer are the very things observed within the Church as evidence of the Holy Spirit.  This is shaking and jerking, laughter and speaking in tongues.  When you look at the earlier versions of this expression of the Holy Ghost moving, you can see what I am talking about.  The Shakers and the Quakers were so called because they found that they were able to get closer to Creator through an ecstatic form of movement that facilitated the flow of the Holy Spirit or Ghost.  If you read about the church meetings of the Shakers you will see how the entire congregation could feel the movement of the Holy Ghost as a very real force moving through them.  Some of the movements of the Shakers were described as being like dance, and this is not surprising because in many other cultures ecstatic movement has always been connected to reaching these exalted states of being where one feels connection with the divine realm.  Some might call it the spirit world, while another might call it heaven.  We are different, but we are each describing the same thing.  And yet, even when the evidence is so clear, people shrink back in fear.

I read a quip someone made about having gotten this spirit moving in them, and at first she described it as heavenly, but it soon turned sexual, and it was at that point that she decided it HAD to be something of the devil.  This is interesting because in early Christian texts the force of awakening, of the Holgy Ghost was described as being the Bridal Chamber.  This was so-called because of the incredible bliss that it conferred on the initiate.  I say "initiate" because one certainly seems to enter into this holy awareness of the divine that carries with it such incredible power that it floods the person with unending bliss and ecstasy.  So yes, it does flow through ALL of you, which means that it has a sexual component.  But this does not mean that it is bad or evil, it merely means that you are now like a string vibrating in sympathy with a still higher vibration. It spares none of you, and it requires a good deal of surrender and trust to alow its divinity to flow through you in this way.  It is we who have the problem, not the deity, you see.  Somewhere along the line we turned this bliss into something dirty or bad when in fact it is the lightening like shaft from the divine.  It is little wonder that so few have experienced it in the past.  It was simply a forbidden thing to feel such closeness with God. 

Early Christian mystic St Teresa of Avilla wrote about her experience with awakening in books, one of which was titled The Interior Castle.  In it, she described the route through her being that the divine current moved in order to reach its pinnacle in her awareness.  She described this process as being like moving through seven crystaline rooms, each with different characteristics.  Each room was like a ring and each ring or room got closer and closer to the core of one's being until you reached the place of perfect union with the divine.  This, coincidentally, is a near-perfect description of the very means by which awakening happens in the Hindu tradition where the divine force moves from the root chakra into the crown.  Certainly on a technical level they appear different because one flows upwards and one flows from the outside inward, but the effect and number of centers, or room, is the same.  I will point out that before I even knew that this was kundalini that was moving through me, I experienced the same effect that Teresa described of these centers as being like rooms.  I had a heart clearing once that left me feeling like  I had a vast room opened up inside of me.  It literally felt as though I had this very big empty room in my heart.  It was a very unusual feeling!  "Wow," I thought, "how is it that my heart enter feels so expansive, so big?"  It felt like a giant meeting hall.  Not very different at all from how Teresa described it five centuries earlier.  But in our uncertainty and lack of faith in the divine, we ascribe all kinds of problems with this way of understanding the divine.  Understand, this is all completely without any real physicality.  It simply isn't about physical space, and yet, we seek to make sense of a spiritual reality by ascribing or attaching very physical descriptions to it.  This is the best we can do in order to explain or convey this great mystery moving within us.  If we seek to be didactic and rigid, we can entirely miss the point, or subtle drift. 

Clearly, the kingdom is NOT a mustard seed, and yet Jesus had to use something from the physical world to describe a nonphysical reality.  It is just like trying to explain something from the fourth dimension by using the tools found in the third dimension.

For the poor woman who ran in fear of her sexual feelings in the midst of awakening, she might have found that this fiery power would have moved through her and begun to cleanse her spirit of any hitches and issues she had in relation to divine union, what was called the bridal chamber by the early Christians. Its energy would have continued to move through her and brought her to the same levels of ecstasy as Teresa described.  It served to draw Teresa into a singular relationship with her God.  For her, she spoke lovingly of Him and used both God as father and God as son interchangeably.  She could not wait to die and meet them directly, she was so fond and enamored of them while she was in the flesh.  But even in her own life, she found that this union drove a hard bargain; she had to choose within the bliss a very refined position in regards to it. This is the same force as has been described by the Hindus as Sublimation which involves moving the more sexual energy into the higher vibrations of the light body or spirit in order to reach ever higher levels of pure ecstasy. This is akin to riding the tiger as the Hindes describe it; you take this powerful force that could tear you apart and by balancing upon it with perfect grace, you are able to reach a place of wondrous union within.  And just like the Hindus, Teresa explained to her sisters that all of this force was not felt as coming from outside, but came through the diamond-like realm of the core self or soul. "The kingdom is within you" Jesus said some fifteen hundred years earlier, and what we are all finding is that this is true. 

So seek you the kingdom within. The only way you can do this is with a one-on-one encounter with the divine.  Either you trust that your soul will guide you or you don't.  If you slip into fear, then the result, as we have often seen in nearly all awakenings, is that this fear will create shadows and issues for you that will trip you up.  It will breed energy which attract more like it.  Simply let the fear go.  the way you move through the realm of spirit is by the steering wheel of your intention.  If you steer into the ditch, then you will feel derailed and lost.  Keep aiming for the highest and trust that you do indeed have a connection within that allows you communion with the deity, the divine, with your greater nature in context with the divine order.  You are a child of the Creator, nothing can undo this.  If you fall for the fear, you fall from the Creator, pure and simple.  If you fall for all of the descriptions of Hell and Purgatory, then you fall for something that is not in your highest.  There is no need to fear what it most natural in you, for you were made to be an instrument of the divine on earth.  Harness the many horses of your nature, both physical and spiritual, and you will find, by grace, your way. 

Fear & Kundalini

From time to time I notice the search terms that are used to find the site.  All of it is an anonymous, just so you know, and from time to time I notice some things that show up from time to time.

I have written about fear before, and how this affects our experience of awakening, also known as the force that we call kundalini.  It is very easy to see this as some outside force coming into us, and I know how this can create fear.  There are many accounts about this experience of fear.  I don't know that I am so good at explaining how to eleviate your fear, except to use myself as an example as well as to mention how others have dealt with it.

Fear is a funny curious thing.  It is like a creature that stalks us at the edge of the wood, and the more we give in to it, the more it has us.  The more it has us, the more we are IT.  The way out of fear is by simply letting it go and doing what we can to see things differently.  Sometimes, this is achieved through a simple act of acceptance.  Other times, it might mean facing fear, and other times, it is by way of some other method.  But whatever the means, it is all very useful and productive for you because fear fragments while its opposite, love, unifies. Our purpose I believe is to seek love and know ourselves in our highest possible light.

For me, in the end, dealing with fear was a simple letting go.  This letting go led to still more surrender, and surrender pretty well became the path.  Whenever I was most succesful in reaching the divine within was when I surrendered the most.  It is very much is like falling back into someone else's arms whom you are not completely sure is even there to catch you.  It isn't that trusting in the universe is a noble trait, it is more that when you DO trust the universe to catch you and support you, it has a way of wrapping itself around that need or hope or belief or want.  If you can be clear about this, like a crystal clear stream whose depths can be seen in the most certain of ways, you can be assured that it will do as you need.  Let nothing intervene between your hope and its manifestation, and it will cohere to your intent as you had hoped for it.  It has to do with what you believe and how you feel, which also includes the material that is shoved off to the side for the time being.  All of this creates an energetic snap shot and all of that material is used to create the picture, the projhection or manifestation.  I have likened manifesting to being like channeling the energy of the divine through you like water through a garden hose....except we have bits of dirt, our karmas that cling to the insides of this hoese.  We get upset when that water comes out muddy, but its just the karma mixing in with the divine, and HOW you ask and pray for is also the sum total of all that you are in your energy body and being.  If you do not like how things are turning out, you need only begin to get curious about what is inside of you.  I promise that it can be a wonderfully liberating experience and is THE work we have set before us.  Once we can refine ourselves in this way then we will see what we want and what is manifest as being much closer to one another.  Time to let those old issues fall away.  They were hitchhikers to your happiness, ultimately derailing your trip and sending you into uncertain places where you asked yourself each time "Why on earth do I always wind up in the swamp lowlands of my being like that?  Why do I always respond the same way to that stuff???".  This is the language of the cosmos and of every realm you will enter into in countless lives and realities, so being able to catch the little slurs in your cosmic speech will help you greatly in helping to bring you what you want, need, and ardently wish for (and I for one can attest that once the barriers are removed it can happen INSTANTANEOUSLY).  Knowing this and using this in the simplest childlike way will mean that good things become automatic.  There is no need to fear unless you have a need for fear.  And only then does it have you.  Like a dog who senses fear, it only reacts when you yourself allow yourself to feel into this place.

Kundalini is a powerful force that wells up within your awareness.  So big and strong it is, it can seem as though it is crashing into your life.  Certainly this appears to be so.  And perhaps there is some truth to this perception, but it does not change the fact that if you see it as part of you, the going gets much easier.  Consider for a moment that you are way more than you have up to this moment realized.  Larger parts of you might well seem as though a force as moving from the outside of you to crash into your life like some powerful rhino seeking to charge you.  But this is only because of how you choose to perceive.  If you let go of the fear and stand before it as it seeks to charge you, watch what happens.....or what doesn't happen.  You are an immortal child of the universe, so nothing can truly hurt you.  The unknown has a way of changing, too, depending on how you relate to it.  As long as you see it as a force form the outside, it will remain this way. There are certainly plenty of outside voices that seek to place fear and uncertainty in the path simply because they themselves are uncertain.  Do you wish to mirror that uncertainty, or do you wish to mirror something more productive?  In the end, it is a choice that you alone make.  If you are honest with yourself and keep your eyes open you will find that awakening is not some strange spirit, but is native to each culture that exists on the planet.  It has filled the pages of books written by Christian mystics as well as Hindu adepts.  It spans the globe and is not the property of one religious path or faith.  In the end, like surrender, following your own instincts will serve you best.  When you are ready, you will be ready.

The path becomes easier and also miraculous once fear is lain aside.  Your experience can broaden and your depth of feeling can also emerge in degrees.  Your own capacity for inner knowing will also be unleashed as your own intuitive capabilities are naturally allowed fuller rein.  Love unifies the self.  Fear fragments.

So you might want to ask yourself the nature of your fear.  You have this genie inside of you that can guide you to the deeper parts of your feeling and if you allow yourself to be led and sink down into it with the curiosity of a child, you might just wind up feeling the root of your fear.  It is in the root that we are most successful in resolving old issues that have remained troublesome for us.  This is the great work that we do for ourselves, an essential honoring of the divinity within all things.  We pull back the layers of fear, which I tend to feel is the illusion some teachers speak of in order to reveal our more fundamental natures.  If it helps, think about what it was like to be a child.  It is in that simple curiosity that the mind is not swayed one way or the other, but is so full of curiosity and wanting to know how the world works.  If you rely on your old biases, you can color your awareness so that it makes it hard to know the truth.  The truth is in feeling your own sparkling possibility.  We know that when we have people imagine being like children that our brains actually change as we become naturally more creative and open to things. So much of being a child is about being open, but as we grew we also took on the fear and bias that was the world.

The result of fear is that it draws more of itself to you, which is what I'd like to say the fear in others.  Then, what you have is a landscape or a portrait of all the people in your life that are assembled in your life due to, in part, with this fear. This also attracts lower level entities as well, the dark-eye dogs of the spirit world.  These are not dragons to slay even though some would say that this is what we are to do.  We simply forgive ourselves for not understanding, for not remembering that we are limitless and thus, shoould have NOTHING to fear.  I don't even mean a boasting belicose kind of bravado, but a very simple quiet certainty about where your roots lie in the garden of the divine.  Once you do this and allow yourself to sink deep into yourself and felin into that place where these things lie, you can begin to get to its roots.  I promise you have to open yourself way up and allow yourself to let go completely of its roots.  When you accomplish this, it will change you in an instant.  It also never comes back.  Whatever was spent in fear is now turned to bliss.  It is like having the hard drive of your soul getting riddled with viruses that slow its functioning down.  Once the energy flow is restored, you could not believe why you spent so much time on fear or hurt or pain.

You have to believe in yourself.  Again, not egoistically, but certainly.  You have to know that you are beautiful, not in spite of someone else who does not share your view but because you can feel the part of you that touches lips with the divine within.  Search for that and take great joy and pleasure in that place.  It is where all authentic healing springs.  I cannot underestimate that enough.  Feel into your bliss ever deeper and ask what it is that you need to assist in removing.  This is a strip down to the last, and you mustn't feel funny about standing naked before the great sea of bliss which is your primordial home.  Jesus, in a lesser known text (gnostic) said to followers who asked how they were to reach the kingdom, he explained that they were to trample their shame like children trampling a cloak on the ground, naked and without shame.  Then, when you do this, you will know the kingdom.  It is certain that the kingdom, as expressed through the lesser known "heretical" documents of the early Christians also called Gnostics, that the kingdom was awakening itself.  You can perhaps appreciate how far we veered from the original teachings, and how we each can wind up in the lesser places of ourselves.

We all need forgiveness.  We need to not be judged.  Wouldn't that be so nice to have in life all the time?  People who only want us to improve instead of wanting to play whack-a-mole?  It's the fear of being judged that can keep some people in their holes hiding out and flying under the radar.  But this was not something that was meant to hide for any reason but to arch its great heart to the sky.  Step into the light and feel the wonder that is you and that is the universe!

All my greatest wishes for you, to you, in your journey on this marvelous planet.