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Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Student

I know you were sent to me
and I to you
a meeting in this place
swift fingers of destiny loosening the laces
the ties that bound us for so long
ultimately our undoing.

I know you are here to teach me
to reach me
to open me
to love me so I can no longer resist---
the lessons
flowing like liquid light
coming in the quiet of the moment
the mundane points
punctuated and strung
like pearls on a necklace.
The Moment is moved into transcendance
as we reach the great love
pouring through our souls...


If I could learn this way
if I could open myself
to be vulnerable
and to know
the love has always been
I just need to say "yes"
and learn
learn
learn
the war is over
the pain has not gone
but in our simpleness
our hands will reach for the other
childlike almost
smiling
it was less learning
more remembering.
But maybe that's the lesson.
That I can loosen the ties to your pain
is a revelation
for your healing is mine as well.

My heart loves you
I can't deny this
I have denied so much
but now its beauty moves through me
as I am able to be a channel for its glory
I am moved
so honored.
Goddess is seeking her entry into this world
and she whispers
how beautiful she thinks you are
her cherished gift
her daughter of the moon
her child turning through many colors
each sacred
honored
beautiful.
I watch as she shows me what she knows I will find the most beautiful
and its everything she shows me.
Every turn
every breath
sacred
cherished.


I don't care for books
or lessons
beyond never forgetting
you have been with me always
in the timeless realm
where I stare into you
and you into me
slowly merging
revealing
the love that was in us all along.
Why did it take so long?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Simple

So why is simple sometimes complicated?
Soul steps in and offers the simplicity it says is so necessary
and when it comes through it seems to clear
how simplicity is so important
for keeping things straight
for keeping me on the straight and narrow....
for this is simplicity; no room for anything else
no competing concerns taking a ride with me
a narrow path just right for you and I
and our one concern
which governs all.

"Keep it simple
and love will flower"

I feel it spread out all through me
like an incantation
your soul breath
propagating all through me
filling me with
the life of you
essence of your being
doing something to me
I know is impossible
any other way.

In the moment
by moment
I find my way to you
for the One Love
the Love of Loves

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Traces

I trace kundalini in my adult life to a moment when I decided to no longer put off pursuing some questions I had had about some things that had happened to me years previously, something that was involved with a past life memory which involved a larger scale life mission kind of issue. I could not make sense of it and decided I was going to do SOMETHING to deal with it, maybe get some new insight if the fates would be so kind. New insight did not happen. What did happen was I felt lighter after having spoken to a man who was from a similar culture in which the memory happened. When I felt lighter I very soon after had an encounter with something that I can only describe as a family of consciousness, a web of being that I belonged to, and it felt like this family was my deeper self, a collective of being...many particles in a larger sea or wave of being. Once felt, my system began to go into overdrive to seek to begin the process of embodiment. This became kundalini which was the forge through which my being was slowly refined. My energy body began to be cleared of things but there was only so much that could be cleared. At a certain point I reached a place of stasis and knew it. What was I missing? Surely there was something that was missing, something I was not doing. What was that?

When we ask the universe listens. In perfect timing you came and pointed out that something had to change. From that moment on something in me changed and I could not be content with the way things had been. Something deeper began to percolate upwards as each thread was released...still more work remains, central to enabling full embodiment of my soul in flesh. The pathway to this is healing, surrender, and grace. So to this work I must go.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Do You?

Do you know how much I would like to just draw you near
in each moment
contiguous with the next
on and on and on?
Do you know how much I want to say nothing
and just soak you up?
I think its been so long that for now
that is all that I can do
all my soul knows how to do
the rest are just details.

I would do anything for you
just to be near you
feeling your hand on my heart
everything in you
saying
"Let all that has been pass through you
beyond you
and let the fire in your blood
answer
my yearning
with the constancy of your presence
flowing all through me
as I return to your shore
the lost kingdom of your heart."

What more would I ever want?
What more has my soul EVER wanted?
When you plumb the truth of that
the answer is undeniably clear

Do you feel my longing
how if I could I surely would
but the sacred must be met with sacred
its been millenia waiting---
I can wait a few moments more.
One more moment
for the answer to my love
my yearning
my wish
my dream
my very soul.

So when the veil is drawn back
it will be
-I suspect-
in joy and freedom
simple and uncomplicated
unhindered
and what was in me that always held back
would hold forth
mirroring soul to soul
as we meet
on the opposite side
of where we departed
in this journey
of a thousand lifetimes.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Chances

What are the chances
two people whose deepest desire
is union with their higher goddess
and godselves.
I know
the 60's woke us up
to so many things
the collective reaching out for something more
as if on perfect cue
the cosmic was found again
imagine that
brought to us by the Beatles and Leary
and travelers and seekers to the East
to bring it back
to marry it
to trigger something
inneffable and waiting
not yet ripe
but growing
and seeking
to integrate it
and let it ripen in our culture
our institutions
our hearts
and bodies
and even minds....
for years yet it had to wind its way
as we all grew up in the shadow of something larger...
Goodness knows it all helped
and yet we both know
we weren't there yet
even if like horses
we were ready to run free at any moment.
But we weren't there yet,
Not you
not I,
for the arc of this
had to ride through countless
permutations
across the collective
ripening with every touch
for them as much as us
until out of the grass sprang
bubbling up like a sacred spring of Magdalene
the yearning toward a sense of mission
a sacred duty
as important as our very lives
maybe even moreso
so that I felt I slowly died
all those years
as an ember of knowing
glowed in my pocket
daring to burn through my pocket
and reveal to the world
that I had not been true enough
or resourceful enough.
The problem was I was so resourceful
I had kept people at bay
and soul needed me to let someone in close....close enough to see
and know
who I was
and remind me
of all I had forgot.

And so how could I now just forget
or let go
when I know
its my very life....
I now feel relief
when before there was strain at not knowing
how on earth
how on this earth
could such a notion be filled?
How indeed.
My relief comes because my soul knows
who you are to me.
So the chances are astronomical
and that alone
is noteworthy....
if our world were just random firings of synapses
or primal ooze sparked to life by some chance mix of elements...
even though we know that's not so at all.

I cannot let you go
when I know you represent
the biggest challenge to my life
and the biggest reward to my soul.
What better way to mark the passing of one age to another?
Truth be told
there is nothing as important as this.
THIS.
All else flows from it
and knowing the order of things
I am ready
fearful sometimes for the scale of it
please Universe treat me gentle....
but knowing that the water has flooded in around me
I cannot go back
nor can go back
for the flow has me
and at each step
a chisel in my hand
to chip away that hard crust

With whom else do hours pass like minutes and days like a cluster of hours?
And where else do I hunger for your smile
your laugh
not just as a nice thing to hear
but as something I hungrily want to feel move all through me.
I do.
I have always done that
because while what you say is so important
what you ARE is even more important
because without that
you would not be YOU.

Besides
I need you.
I am worried about that a bit
just how much it impacts me....
like maybe I need to work on that
I could spend all my time feeling your breath
your face close to mine
with me unable to get close enough to you.

I need you.

I am tired of saying why
because I want to be near you
not just saying how I miss you because that means you are not near....
I want to be near my own sense of promise
and you light that up inside of me
like nothing else
like no one else.
And if its just random firings of chance
well then chance is pretty amazing
but we both know that's not it....
but even if it were---
amazing either way.
When I think of you
when I feel you
I come closer to what I am inside
the lost land
of my soul
which I once knew
in bits and pieces.
But like Osiris
it is time
for Isis
to reminder her shattered lover
that he can be made whole.
Through her
her own sacred power
a touch so soft
a kiss so deep
a vibration that propagates,
ennervates,
and motivates like nothing else....
to peel back the layers
to let drop what's not necessary
to that which is essential.

What I know is there is work to do
so to it I must go
building and shifting
changing
letting go the old
bringing up the even older
the timeless parts.

So really
really
what are the chances?
The chances are what makes this possible
to be full of grace
and surrender
to give it a chance
and honor the miracle
that we are.
That's a kind of chance I'd like to take
with you
because I know the kind of bliss
and joy we can find
as I stare unafraid into you
and you into me
as we look into that forever of Us.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Forward

When this journey began I thought that perhaps I needed to understand what was happening inside of me. This led to the mental body seeking entry into the process, and to overthinking it. There is I think a tendency to not trust the inner self by the outer portions of my being. So used to working things out, forgetting that the universe is part of us and thus flowing in the same slipstreams.....so much of this an unfolding,a surrendering, and so I found that the things that no longer served me were like sloughed off skins which I barely needed to watch as they slid from the cart on my way to the holy lands of my larger becoming. Deeper still there is a part that knows, our god-dess selves, unhitched from time and thus eternal and capable of doing things perfectly if we but learn to surrender everything to the larger to allow it a place at the table, at the helm, and what falls away falls and what remains endures....

So I think maybe the books we write on this could well be thin tomes....how do I tease out the words in a way where in each moment the passion come streaming through as I beg for you to just follow me down this lit path of gold and green. Inside of us, each of us, are unspeakably beautiful wonders that has the ability to turn a person around and cause them to wonder what the struggle was all about. So much of my issues have to do with forgeting about being in the moment. As soon as my attention flows beyond the present power of the Moment I begin to quickly outstrip its potency with wondering about what might be or could be or what might not happen.....and all the while my energy body begins to curl up like wings before flame. Its not good; we are meant to soar, not curl into defensive modes from hurt real or perceived. And isn't so much of our pain perception based?

There is an amazing order to the universe, a design, how souls are connected, related, and how we ascend into the higher realms of our becoming, how our karmas attract and repel, and how our own development shifts the pathways we treat on. Step out of time with your soul and you will begin to touch the nectar that is your birthright. Become unhitched from time and drink from the wisdom and bliss that is your god and goddess self. Outside of this place we are infinite beings and all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will become, is already available to you. Its the big cosmic cheat, but its one that your divinity will absolutely allow you in this place and time. This has always been so, but only now have we reached a place where we don't kill people for speaking their hearts and minds. Now in this time, now in this place, we have that opportunity to bring forth what has always been, what we have edged carefully towards all this time, and now the veils within are being worn away by our collective attention and wish and fervent pushing at what has kept us from our larger being. Letting go, surrender, is about the only way to get through the briar patch of trauma and hurt.....and kundalini can help to goade you on blissfully and joyfully, and even harshly at times until one lets go and surrenders to its energy not as bad or good but as it is, which is divine and outside of time.

If there is a shift, its one that will be global, that will have no borders, no ideologies beyond simple soulfully guided compassion and love. In this shift we will be wedding duality back to itself, of bring the ends of our straight line thinking into a circle and in that circle there is no "them" only us. While our small selves might be daunted by bigger tasks before us, our larger selves do not have such hesitations. Learning to live in those selves, learning to live in the kingdom is where I think we are headed. Learning the means to let go of old hurts, learning to forgive others and ourselves, to be willing to stat afresh in each moment will I think be a way that we will taste the sweetness of success.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Be My Undoing

Can you be my undoing?
Can what you are
your essence
bring me to that place
where finally
like old laced shoes
or corsets
or a thousand inhumanely restrictive things
be undone
to let fall
and be quickly forgot?

Can I just say "yes"
and let the undoing take me
while what is undone reveals
what always was
perfect
capable
serving your essence
that which you would have undone
left bare for my hungry gaze
beyond words
we return each other to what is most essential.

Come,
be my undoing.
Undo me
even if I do pull back in fear.
Pull through the bindings
the knots
reach deeper each time---
I am not familiar to your touch
ten thousand years of wandering the desert
yet your touch is what I need
I know

What is being undone
I have clung to
my only truth
in the face of few perceived options
an investment in a direction that could never serve the higher good
of me,
yet was.

Talk to me
like you are making love to me
your voice
rivulets of pure bliss
peeling their way through me
like gentle thunder
your rain shower
reminding me of what we have always been
bound to water
and sky
and earth
and fire
the necessary things
gathered
for the alchemy
needed for this time

look at me close
undo me
ruin me for any other possible use
I know I cannot follow the old pathways
yet old habits create deep ruts
and tight laces
yet still ruin me for any other use
but the One
that leads to you
and which leads me to what I have missed most.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Triadic Heart

If I could let it all go
what would remain?

All of them I would love
it was as you admonished

Cherished like children on their way to the kingdom
some lost
feeling their way blindly along
letting what came before set the die for what is to come
repeating
reciting the same lost verses.

I would put my hand to their lips
asking is it necessary
can we begin anew
keep it simple;
Mother, Father, Child
recreate the kingdom afresh
anew.

He did not die for sin
he ressurected for love
to become That
which we so needed.
So make me THAT
let me live and breathe it
deeper and deeper each day
until nothing else exists but IT
and choices become so clear
that they aren't choices
but what has already been chosen
by something deeper perhaps more essential
the triad in me
shining through to the triad in you
awakening in that moment
the great truth of what you are to me
and I to you.
Take a sip; may you never thirst.

That is what would remain;
Mother Father Child
the sacred trilogy
triadic soul
elements of the One
unfolding and remembering
what is most necessary
sacred
the love that we can become
if we simply unbecome
for one shining moment
to taste that sweet bliss that is ours.

Spring

Aching to break free from the shell formed around still smaller parts
swollen and growing
shifting
lifting
growing
the buds break free
of older forms
to create new ones.

As Spring rises up within nature
it rises up within me
as it whispers all through me
there is not a place in you
that I cannot touch
that my breathe cannot
brush against
and excite into bliss
your heart, spirit, mind, body
I love
and yearn for
in its every manifestation
in all the worlds
and places
and moments

Something in me
changed
trained on you
remembering
I have been drawn
through cellular memory
endowed by soul
down through the ages
the road stops here
and a new one begins
bearing new direction
new voice
new ways.

No, no, no....
Not changed
but remembered.
This is a forgetting
perhaps
the husk which only clings
as the bud opens
and it must drop away
its presence serving a purpose
but now, no longer
time to move on
and embrace the warming air
and kiss of sun
and caress of water


I will do what must be done
to be for you what you need.
Whatever it is that Spirit requires
I will follow.
Now it is time for diligence
and grace
and patience
and impatience
thrusting me forward
dropping the husk of the old
to feel the velvety lips of buds
opening
unto itself
unto you
and into this new world where Spring lives in abundance.