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Monday, February 22, 2010

Faith

I rush here the same way I would rush to you at the end of my day, barefoot, breathing heavy, nervous even.....expectant....because I know union is but moments away....the first aspect is what exists independant of space...but there is union in sound; just hearing you is a form of bliss and joy and union is blissful and joyful. My insides leap and flash with the energetics of this. Most powerful short of holding you is what is in the eyes; so potent is that....as though our soulselves ooze out from us and travel across the room to embrace and to be embraced, life finding life, celebrating in it, so joyous in such a simple way.

But this goes so deep, layer upon layer, level over level, a quiet bucket dropped into our two selves as we pull up potentiality from our collective depths....a shaft of light now with no differentiation as to whether it is She or if it is He. They inhabit both in this wonderfilled manner. His life is literally renewed by her presence, by her welcoming glance moment by moment. He lives for her breath, for even the rumor that she is real, spoken in hushed but excited tones...

I rush to this place as if I climb up a steep slope, up stairs of stone lined with vining flowers as I find the secret garden of your soul, the shimmering realm of your beauty and grace and the generousness of spirit and heart to let me in and bask in your magnificence. There is nothing else as important to my insides as this I have discovered.

Reaching this place has meant having faith, believing in my very essence and letting it burst free....well....okay....slowly, haltingly at first...but now having tasted the tips of your fingers I know the sweetness from a whole other place and time or realm of time outside of our time. By having faith, faith has opened the door to the indwelling spirit of Him. Letting him move forward is the single most important thing I can do next to awakening that which is within you that knows His presence. By holding that vibration,it acts like a pathway upon which I travel to be at your side. I want nothing more than this, but nothing less. i would be servant to this the rest of my days, my hands to become your hands, my strength becomes yours, my smile a resident in your ocean of love.

Marvelous, amazing things await...

Friday, February 12, 2010

Invoke

You
which have been part of my heritage
my past
and future
I have been lost
unknowing
unable to bridle you
for the purposes ahead
that are transcendant
and freeing.
Perhaps it has been in perfect timing
to launch me forward.

You which are the bedrock of my birth
become the sky of my ascendancy.

Teach me the Way
which you proclaimed
lifetimes past
and which would turn
as the Great Wheel turns
to find us in this place.
You, I know. You I understand.
You and I must transmute this
to make the turn into a new cycle
so that father sky and mother earth
can embrace and be at oneness
purified of their past trouble.
But first
First
first
first
first....
I must be purified.
Purify me
move through me
take me as yours
crush me into dust
let fall out that which does not belong.
Let my warrior self return
unapologetic for the task that I must do
which is yours
and which I will inherit.

Show me the balance you aim for me to keep
remind me day to day
like a prayer
an invoking
of me
to your breast
to your nature
to our shared purposes
to bring a new kind of man
to his feminine
to help turn
through your power
the stone of the age

It is time
let us take aloft.
Build your nest
of arrows
made to pierce
to reveal
in my heart...
for our purposes
are shared.
I call you
I call you
I call you
I call you....

Prayer

Great Goddess
bearer of All
guide my heart
still my voice
move my purpose
so that it aligns to yours.

Help me know more clearly
to follow more assuredly
to become more perfectly
that which I must be for you.

Your restless sea
opens to my soul
my only wish is to release
that which is yours,
which is mine.
There is nothing I want or need-
more than This.
No riches,
no status
or standing.
My insides cry out for you
and I am reduced to dust in my longing...
I would be scattered to the 4 corners
if that is your wish or need....

Help me to know
if I must surrender my compass
I leave it for you on the nightstand
as I go to my world of dreaming.
And if I must be stripped bare of everything
I ever was,
please help me to know the way to do this
for I am feeling like a child in this
reborn
but uncertain....
I am ready for my heart to guide
but hold my hand steady.

Help me to become the perfect vessel
for what you need most
desire most
to be in this world.
My hands are your hands
this body is yours
show me how to give up the world of hurt
I have inhereted
and help me to bring peace back to my heart.

I know how magnificent you are
I know your great inneffable depths
for they are mine as much as they are yours
and to knit this back together
we must all learn the great love that waits for us.
So fill me with your magnificence
your beauty, your grace.
Help me to clear my heart
of this hurt.
I know you are the one I must serve,
within me is a path to you which lies in my heart
and which beats from the core of my soul.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Love Shrine

In some ways I must keep my love silent
understated,
shadowed
even though I do not want to

Somewhere we decided we would honor love on a given day...
growing up I always wondered, why not every day?
Why do we need a DAY?
I have always resisted this artificiality
yet while recognizing the uncontainable
truth oozing out of every crack and crevice
that love is the single most important thing....

So perhaps no chocolates or flowers or gems or pearls this year
but I will build a shrine to love

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Pathway

My Love,
resting within us is a pathway
prepared
sacred infrastructure
roads blazed for the sacred and divine
to pass through....

But this pathway, it has its own way
the heart must be delivered
all hurt surrendered
all old arguments stilled
so that
when the kundal force
in its magnificence comes through
is not distorted
but moves through us
like a mighty river
life force seeking itself.....hungrily
I could explain in boring tomes
how the technique is achieved
for divine union
via the triadic heart
but that roadwork has been laid
by others before me.

When my higher being comes
he comes to you through my heart.
There is no mistaking it.
My heart, crowned by its act of surrender
becomes the gateway through which I can feel
Him
move through me
the first lover the last
seeking the She that is inside the depths of your heart
residing in the realm of your soulfulness,
his divine lover
whom he has yearned for in every incarnation, manifestation and form she has chosen to take
in worlds beyond counting.
He simply steps in and
This body begins to throb with its energy moving through it
reacting quite divinely
perfectly
the instrument ready for the lips
of its master to play
to play through me
to play through you
as our music fills this place
and becomes unforgettable.

My adoration of you is brought out
like an object sacred
hidden
lying in a cabinet
all this time
the doors thrust open
as I gasp in amazement.
He has waited through an entire cycle
now ending
the New beginning
he awaits as my small self sorts and works at the edge of a platform
made for cosmic flight.....not realizing that his little sorting exercises
and efforts at tagging and coding everything is so useless....so unnecessary....
Just bring the Light and the shadow will be parted
he seems to say
I know I need to let him come forward and let his presence shine in this place
inow
for my own healing
to turn what will innevitably turn in you,
and for our own reunion.

When he moves forward
I can feel him come through me,
entering me with deftness
and an enlarged gentleness
hard to explain
but which can be felt
all through me, a giant
shaft of golden light
a presence of such sensual
masculinity, so happy,
so gifted that he is Him
and that You are She.
His honeyed presence
is thick with longing for you,
as he travels through the highways
first through the heart
then through the root and back up again.
He moves through you
penetrating your sacred essence so gently
lovingly
passionately
completely,
he cannot nor will ever get enough of you....
He feels how much he needs you
to complete him
even though the two are not apart
but only in these dual worlds where consciousness
projects images which we take as sacred cows
and defend to the death.....
They are merely fleeting images cast upon the white screen
of this world plane.....laughing I take your hand and walk you behind the curtain....
All that matters to Him is the love he feels
the love that animates him
the love that drives him forward
the love that drives him crazy for his beloved
for you,
his holy of holies
his pathway home.

When it does happen, as it has happened in smaller ways
it will be so simply done.
There wont be a question
or wonder about technique
the energetics will rule the day
all else details and dust animated in the moment
to serve their divine union
their message brought quietly
to this world
as he lays his hand upon your stomach
and smiles as lights fade
and dreaming begins.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Luminous Self, continued...

I awoke this morning with all this stuff swirling around me....it was being presented in a way that looked like it was not completely formed...almost like something in me was seeing the potential in us to be a certain way, or that we can BE this way now....

The physiology of the energy body....I think its real and that our bodies can be modeled after its form, the energy body containing the cellular memory and structure with dna being the organizing factor to keep things focused....but what I was seeing or feeling was that this can change. I saw how the male and female physiology energeticaly have a kind of network of fibers....its all fibrous...like muscle or nerve endings...its this way because consciousness has made it so....so consciousness has these forms native to it but its identity is focused at certain levels to a range of stimuli, with other bodies connected in a structured yet complex webwork. But within the energy body I began to feel how it extends out from us and that it plays a role in union. The comparatively large number of nerve endings in the genital region correspond with a large number of energy fibers which use the physiology as a way to carry its information into the physical body, but when we say union, the goal has been for a fusion of the masculine and feminine into one body much in the way that when physical union is achieved in fullness, it does mean that the bodies of the two do become one both in the act of lovemaking as well as how their bodies share genetic material physically and as a way of creating new life.

Its as if the energy bodies knit together in this delicate way at many levels....almost like how a placenta attaches to the fibrous wall of the womb. If you have seen a placenta you can see how along its face it has this vast webwork of fibrous endings that allow it to attach to the body of the Mother for sustenance. I was seeing something similar but a little more freewheeling in the sense that this body had no end to how it expresses this union. Part of this was a sense that one body becomes an extension of another, whether its in the physical or in the etheric.

I think, too, that my tendency to want to see the big picture has me picking up o things that may be slightly outisde the realm of what is possible for us, but is in the outlying naighborhood. For some reason I have always been interested in what lies just beyond our range. This would include evolutionary potentials. I see this the same way I see making art; raw material that can be used like clay to be sculpted into something that we use here....except that the form is decided on in some democratic way at an en mass level I think in order for a new evolutionary wrinkle to come forward....at least this is how it seems.....like the species agrees to it at some level, most often not at a consciouss level. But it all looked as if all of these finger-like connections would seek out its counterpart....as if each finger or fiber had its perfect place....and at the same time I also saw or felt that this is expressed as fields which I did not sense had the same fibrous nature....although perhaps at a microscale they too might be fibrous....

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Luminous Self

Today I had all this stuff coming through me.....it was about how our nervous systems and brains might change over time.....how there exists within us this incredible capacity for change....that life itself can morph into anything else....that we contain so many latent forms bound up inside of us....the wonder of being human on this planet. But I saw how thie kundalini would likely push a change in physiology as time goes by....and we are part of this change now. This change allows for cosmic consciousness, for a higher calling, to continually improve while bringing in this energy which is so divine.....it can't help but change us inside out.

Then I saw how contrary to belief, the larger evolutionary jumps happen in the twinkling of an eye....one, two, maybe three generations....there is a sudden change.....that some of these jumps happen not through offspring but by bringing in a new energy or behavior which then becomes part of the culture of humanity and this then gets anchored here when before it was not part of us.

We must continue to go forward.......we are well taken care of...

Earth

We call her 'she' but we veil part of "her" being when doing that. Its beautiful and poetic to refer to earth as she. She is cradle and grave, our nurture, and our becoming. Everything that happens happens upon her breast.

Except that for her to be what she is requires the masculine aspect to be in presence with her. As she may be soft, he is hard, perhaps unyielding. Where she might be the depths, he is the light shimmering on the surface, trying to penetrate deep into her depths. While she is the fertile hills and valleys, she awaits his lifegiving rains with his fury and orgasmic touch upon her made of lightening and thunder.

The two go together, necessary elements at work on earth, a swirl of sexuality and its energy....not seperate but aspects of each other. We have yet another key to all of this lying next to us in nature. They flow so effortlesly together. I would that we were to flow like this...like you are the wind and I am the cloud....like you are the moon and I am the sun....like you are the current and I am the stream....or any number of countless possibilities.

Whatever you do, flow always into me as I flow into you.

Phenomenon

Sometimes its hard to know if a given phenomenon is connected with a kundalini experience. I know that for me, the six months before my kundalini awakening was marked by a slew of high strangeness.

In August of 2006 I was visited by a feeling as though something was waking up inside of me....and as this happened it was like listening to a song I had hear before but not in this life....it was so familiar yet hard to pin. This was accompanied by the feeling I had of being part of a family of consciousness....the feeling was of how I belonged to this family, and how this feeling was so liberating to me, so comforting. This was, I feel, part of a process that ultimately triggered kundalini. I had just spoken to a native american shaman about a memory I had of being native american back when the whites were first coming onto the scene and messing things up pretty good for me and my people. I did not fully understand the memory since it involved a vision from that culture and was hoping for some clarification.....and it turned out that just telling this man this memory lifted a huge weight off of me somehow. I then had the feeling of being part of a larger family. Oddly I found out the man I spoke to had had a book written about him that translated into "we are all related."

I had lights which showed up on the wall at night....these were not like incandescent lights but were very much like something called foxfire...which I saw once as a child on a cave wall....its is a bioluminsecent fungi that grows on the walls of caves. Instead of a reflective effect, its as if there is an even light coming OUT from the surface. At the time I was seeing these forms which were like vague human forms.....but more vague than even human. Also, the weird thing, was that when I kept seeing these lights, I got involved and tried to figure out where the light was coming from. I realized it wasn't lights from the other yard coming into the basement and shining against the wall. In fact, what I thought was the basement wall wasn't the basement wall at all(sure looked like it). The place where I saw the lights wound up being where a whole clutter of purplish plastic bins were which obscured the basement wall completely....and if a light were shone on the wall it would have been purplish from the plastic containers. No, this light was a brilliant white.....eventhough the light WAS pretty bright...it had a different quality than a light bouncing off the wall...it seemed to seep through the wall. It showed up many nights in a row but went away after some examination. I had the feeling as though a range of things were manifesting, all part of something larger and maybe a little diffuse and not completely focused....the feeling as though something was being projected out of me...

Along with this was a light which looked like a silhuette of something hard to figure out.....it was a circular light with some vague silhuettes in them....almost like shadow puppets, but I could never quite make out what the forms were. Something seemed to be resolving perhaps? Then there was the muffled voice. I was sleeping in our basement at this time and I would hear each night the drone of someone's voice talking as if it was just outside of the house....very near the door....very near the foundation of the house to be exact. Again, strange. Once I told someone about this phenomenon and it went away only to be replaced by the sound of plains indians at a distance beating on a drum and chanting....this went on until I commented on it to someone else and it too went away.

I had the sound of someone very close to me while alone in bed and the lights out.....someone who for the life of me sounded like they wore a polyester jumpsuit of some kind (I did not see this, I only heard it up close). I was pretty well frozen on the spot as I listened to this. I could never figure out what was making this sound. There was no polyester cloth anywhere near me, the bedclothes weren't remotely of this kid of cloth....it was quite curious. And then there was the burn, which spurred thinking about this period of time and thus this post.

I also woke up one morning with a crescent shaped moon burn on my right hip. The thing that was so strange was how if I had been burned like this, I would have felt it. I had zero memory of how I got this burn. It just showed up on morning. The other curious thing is that my underwear looked like it had dried blood on it....not blood that had flowed, but like how blood looks when it dries, it flaked away but some of it gets on your clothes when dry. It almost looks like dirt, except you know its not dirt. I had the distinct feeling as if I had ben taken out of my bed at night and put back by.....who? I know this sounds very strange....and it is....but when I woke that morning and saw the burn shape that had NO pain associated with it, and which faded in three days with NO scar, with no scaling of the skin or anything like that, then you kind of rub your chin in wonder over just what this was. I took photographs of it, it was so innexplicable. I did a search of marks like this and wound up through the miracle of modern internet technology on alien abduction sites....with people who had burn marks like mine except I don't think anyone had a crescent shape. I didn't think I was abducted but neither could I understand why I looked for the life of me like I had gone somewhere or had gone THROUGH something in the night with absolutely NO memory of it and NO pain or discomfort IF it was an ordinary burn or "brand." I did have a dream three weeks before the kundalini happened which was about an alien being who was sharing breath with me which seemed to anticipate the kundalini. As for the burn mark, I have absolutely no evidence of its having been there now....which is just over three years ago.

I wanted to get this down because I wanted to record this while I remembered it. These small isolated things can sometimes fade from memory because we don't think they are important. I suspect it was prephenomenon....not necessarily tied to kundalini but perhaps more accurately the soul getting wound up for an awakening which might also include kundalini.