I have explained many times how it has been that I have found the idea that so many yoga practitioners put forward which is that breath and Prana are one and the same to be off base. I have sought to explain the incidental alignment of these two issues through my own experience with awakening and never having done a single moment of yoga in my life. For me, I was given an inside view I suppose, but it was a clear one. I have sought to explain what Prana is and how it is excited in the body in an effort to give people the tools they need to really understand this force in a more thorough and genuine manner. My sense is that if you really understand something that seems mysterious to you, your depth of understanding will be manifold when you start with the foundation of what it is you are seeking to understand. Unfortunately, there has been a lot of parroting of information. This is just what the Veda's explain is the trap of reading books or seeking to absorb teachings from someone without the requisite work to really "get it." "Getting it" requires feeling instead of thought, and this is what trips so many up. Its a hard shift to make for us Westerners. "Feel? What do you mean feel?" What I mean is that you slow or cease thought and allow feeling flow. You become more sensitive to what is around you. You begint o sense through your whole being. You realize that sensory perception is much more than just your physical senses. You just need to be able to stay with the feeling side of yourself long enough to begin to get the flow of information that is coming through.
Prana is moved by your willingness to surrender, to open, to become quiet, and to just feel. Feeling Prana is very much like entering into the inspired moment. Being an artist, I am very familiar with how this state feels, and just as there are levels of intensity to it, Pranic movement is also very similar. Using breath DOES help move Prana, but breath is not Prana. It isn't. And now, finally, after reading the first few pages of my first book on Pranayama, there is a guru who is backing me up.
Svasa’ means inspiratory breath and ‘Prasvasa’ is expiratory breath. Breath is external
manifestation of Prana, the vital force. Breath like electricity, is gross Prana. Breath is Sthula, gross. Prana is Sukshma, subtle. By exercising control over this breathing you can control the subtle Prana inside. Control of Prana means control of mind. Mind cannot operate without the help of Prana. The vibrations of Prana only produce thoughts in the mind. It is Prana that moves the mind. It is Prana that sets the mind in motion. It is the Sukshma Prana or Psychic Prana that is intimately connected with the mind. This breath represents the important fly-wheel of an engine. Just as the other wheels stop when the driver stops the fly-wheel, so also other organs cease working, when the Yogi stops
the breath. If you can control the fly-wheel, you can easily control the other wheels.
Likewise, if you can control the external breath, you can easily control the inner vital force, Prana. The process by which the Prana is controlled by regulation of external breath, is termed Pranayama.
What he explains in a similar vein is that breath is just the way by which to stimulate the flow of Prana, but don't mistake breath AS Prana. So I ask you, if this is front and center in a foundational book on Pranayama, which is the Way of Prana, why is it that so many people focus so deeply on breath work and speak of Prana as BEING breath? Perhaps it is because it sounds good to them and it makes all of this simple to understand or to relate to. This can only be so when someone has not felt a Pranic movement or "rush" of the energy enough to be able to observe the energy in its fullest scope and learn from it and to understand how it moves and effects the mind and body.
It is time that we develop a means to stimulate prana without breath in order to help illustrate to students of yoga just what prana is. It is time to show how prana can be induced in order to better understand this force which interpenetrates all things. This is the key to regulation of kundalini and in discovering ones own energetic constitution so as to keep from wrecking the mind and the body, which is easy to do when the kundalini moves.
THAT will have to be the next installment, a series of exercises to help illustrate how prana moves independent of breath. I will give you a sneak peek. It involves focus, engagement, surrender and inspiration ("in-spire").
This is an early Christian initiatory rite developed by the Savior, whom we know to be Jesus, discovered in the cache of documents now known as the Nag Hammadi codices. These scrolls, some predating the gospels By Mark, Luke and Mathew, have brought back into sharp focus that which the early church dismissed out of hand and represent a powerful understanding of the route to the divine that lies within each of us. These documents were discovered in the mid-40's outside of a town in Egypt at a time when we were more ready to see them for what they are, which is a sacred path to awakening the divine that is within each of us.
The Nag Hammadi Library
Trimorphic Protennoia
Translated by John D. Turner
I am Protennoia, the Thought that dwells in the Light. I am the movement that dwells in
the All, she in whom the All takes its stand, the first-born among those who came to be,
she who exists before the All. She (Protennoia) is called by three names, although she
dwells alone, since she is perfect. I am invisible within the Thought of the Invisible
One. I am revealed in the immeasurable, ineffable (things). I am incomprehensible,
dwelling in the incomprehensible. I move in every creature.
I am the life of my Epinoia that dwells within every Power and every eternal movement,
and (in) invisible Lights and within the Archons and Angels and Demons, and every soul
dwelling in Tartaros, and (in) every material soul. I dwell in those who came to be. I
move in everyone and I delve into them all. I walk uprightly, and those who sleep, I
awaken. And I am the sight of those who dwell in sleep.
I am the Invisible One within the All. It is I who counsel those who are hidden, since
I know the All that exists in it. I am numberless beyond everyone. I am immeasurable,
ineffable, yet whenever I wish, I shall reveal myself of my own accord. I am the head of
the All. I exist before the All, and I am the All, since I exist in everyone.
I am a Voice speaking softly. I exist from the first. I dwell within the Silence that
surrounds every one of them. And it is the hidden Voice that dwells within my, within the
incomprehensible, immeasurable Thought, within the immeasurable Silence.
I descended to the midst of the underworld, and I shone down upon the darkness. It is I
who poured forth the water. It is I who am hidden within radiant waters. I am the one who
gradually put forth the All by my Thought. It is I who am laden with the Voice. It is
through me that Gnosis comes forth. I dwell in the ineffable and unknowable ones. I am
perception and knowledge, uttering a Voice by means of thought. I am the real Voice. I cry
out in everyone, and they recognize it (the voice), since a seed indwells them. I am the
Thought of the Father, and through me proceeded the Voice, that is, the knowledge of the
everlasting things. I exist as Thought for the All -- being joined to the unknowable and
incomprehensible Thought -- I revealed myself -- yes, I -- among all those who recognize
me. For it is I who am joined with everyone by virtue of the hidden Thought and an exalted
, even a Voice from the invisible Thought. And it is immeasurable, since it
dwells in the Immeasurable One. It is a mystery; it is unrestrainable by the
Incomprehensible One. It is invisible to all those who are visible in the All. It is a
Light dwelling in Light.
It is we also who alone have separated from the visible world, since we are saved by
the hidden wisdom, by means of the ineffable, immeasurable Voice. And he who is hidden
within us pays the tributes of his fruit to the Water of Life.
Then the Son who is perfect in every respect -- that is, the Word who originated
through that Voice; who proceeded from the height; who has within him the Name; who is a
Light -- he revealed the everlasting things, and all the unknowns were known. And those
things difficult to interpet and secret, he revealed. And as for those who dwell in
Silence with the First Thought, he preached to them. And he revealed himself to those who
dwell in darkness, and he showed himself to those who dwell in the abyss, and to those who
dwell in the hidden treasuries, he told ineffable mysteries, and he taught unrepeatable
doctrines to all those who became Sons of the Light.
Now the Voice that originated from my Thought exists as three permanences: the Father,
the Mother, the Son. Existing perceptibly as Speech, it (Voice) has within it a Word
endowed with every , and it has three masculinities, three powers, and three
names. They exist in the manner of Three ... -- which are quadrangels -- secretly within a
silence of the Ineffable One.
It is he alone who came to be, that is, the Christ. And, as for me, I anointed him as
the glory of the Invisible Spirit, with goodness. Now the Three, I established alone in
eternal glory over the Aeons in the Living Water, that is, the glory that surrounds him
who first came forth to the Light of those exalted Aeons, and it is in glorious Light that
he firmly perseveres. And he stood in his own Light that surrounds him, that is, the Eye
of the Light that gloriously shines on me. He perpetuated the Father of all Aeons, who am
I, the Thought of the Father, Protennoia, that is, Barbelo, the perfect Glory, and the
immeasurable Invisible One who is hidden. I am the Image of the Invisible Spirit, and it
is through me that the All took shape, and (I am) the Mother (as well as) the Light which
she appointed as Virgin, she who is called 'Meirothea', the incomprehensible Womb, the
unrestrainable and immeasurable Voice.
Then the Perfect Son revealed himself to his Aeons, who originated through him, and he
revealed them and glorified them, and gave them thrones, and stood in the glory with which
he glorified himself. They blessed the Perfect Son, the Christ, the only-begotten God. And
they gave glory, saying, "He is! He is! The Son of God! The Son of God! It is he who
is! The Aeon of Aeons, beholding the Aeons which he begot. For thou hast begotten by thine
own desire! Therefore we glorify thee: ma mo o o o eia ei on ei! The Aeon of Aeons! The
Aeon which he gave!"
Then, moreover, the God who was begotten gave them (the Aeons) a power of life on which
they might rely, and he established them. The first Aeon he established over the first:
Armedon, Nousanios, Armozel; the second he established over the second Aeon: Phaionios,
Ainios, Oroiael; the third over the third Aeon: Mellephaneus, Loios, Daveithai; the fourth
over the fourth: Mousanios, Amethes, Eleleth. Now those Aeons were begotten by the God who
was begotten - the Christ - and these Aeons received as well as gave glory. They were the
first to appear, exalted in their thought, and each Aeon gave myriads of glories within
great untraceable lights, and they all together blessed the perfect Son, the God who was
begotten.
Then there came forth a word from the great Light Eleleth, and said, "I am king!
Who belongs to Chaos and who belongs to the underworld?" And at that instant, his
Light appeared, radiant, endowed with the Epinoia. The Powers of the Powers did not
entreat him, and likewise immediately there appeared the great Demon who rules over the
lowest part of the underworld and Chaos. He has neither form nor perfection, but, on the
contrary, possesses the form of the glory of those begotten in the darkness. Now he is
called 'Saklas', that is, 'Samael', 'Yaltabaoth', he who had taken power; who had snatched
it away from the innocent one (Sophia); who had earlier overpowered her who is the Light`s
Epinoia who had descended, her from whom he had come forth from originally.
Now when the Epinoia of the Light realized that he (Yaltabaoth) had begged him (the
Light) for another order, even though he was lower than she, she said, "Give me
another order, so that you may become for me a dwelling place, lest I dwell in disorder
forever." And the order of the entire house of glory was agreed upon her word. A
blessing was brought for her and the higher order released it to her.
And the great Demon began to produce aeons in the likeness of the real Aeons, except
that he produced them out of his own power.
Then I too revealed my Voice secretly, saying, "Cease! Desist, (you) who tread on
matter; for behold, I am coming down to the world of mortals for the sake of my portion
that was in that place from the time when the innocent Sophia was conquered, she who
descended, so that I might thwart their aim which the one revealed by her appoints."
And all were disturbed, each one who dwells in the house of the ignorant light, and the
abyss trembled. And the Archigenetor of ignorance reigned over Chaos and the underworld,
and produced a man in my likeness. But he neither knew that that one would become for him
a sentence of dissolution, nor does he recognize the power in him.
But now I have come down and reached down to Chaos. And I was with my own who were in
that place. I am hidden within them, empowering them, giving them shape. And from the
first day until the day when I will grant mighty glory to those who are mine, I will
reveal myself to those who have heard my mysteries, that is, the Sons of the Light.
I am their Father, and I shall tell you a mystery, ineffable and indivulgeable by any
mouth: Every bond I loosed from you, and the chains of the demons of the underworld I
broke, these things which are bound on my members, restraining them. And the high walls of
darkness I overthrew, and the secure gates of those pitiless ones I broke, and I smashed
their bars. And the evil force, and the one who beats you, and the one who hinders you,
and the tyrant, and the adversary, and the one who is King, and the present enemy, indeed
all these I explained to those who are mine, who are the Sons of the Light, in order that
they might nullify them all, and be saved from all those bonds, and enter into the place
where they were at first.
I am the first one who descended on account of my portion which remains, that is, the
Spirit that dwells in the soul, which originated from the Water of Life, and out of the
immersion of the mysteries. And I spoke, I, together with the Archons and Authorities. For
I had gone down below their language, and I spoke my mysteries to my own - a hidden
mystery - and the bonds and eternal oblivion were nullified. And I bore fruit in them,
that is, the Thought of the unchanging Aeon, and my house, and their Father. And I went
down to those who were mine from the first, and I reached them and broke the first strands
that enslaved them. Then everyone of those within me shone, and I prepared a pattern for
those ineffable Lights that are within me. Amen.
The Discourse of Protennoia: One
I am the Voice that appeared through my Thought, for I am 'He who is syzygetic' since I
am called 'the Thought of the Invisible One'. Since I am called 'the unchanging Speech', I
am called 'She who is syzygetic'.
I am a single one, since I am undefiled. I am the Mother of the Voice, speaking in many
ways, completing the All. It is in me that knowledge dwells, the knowledge of
everlasting. It is I who speak within every creature, and I was known by
the All. It is I who lift up the Speech of the Voice to the ears of those who have known
me, that is, the Sons of the Light.
Now I have come the second time in the likeness of a female, and have spoken with them.
And I shall tell them of the coming end of the Aeon and teach them of the beginning of the
Aeon to come, the one without change, the one in which our appearance will be changed. We
shall be purified within those Aeons from which I revealed myself in the Thought of the
likeness of my masculinity. I settled among those who are worthy in the Thought of my
changeless Aeon.
For I shall tell you a mystery of this particular Aeon, and tell you about the forces
that are in it. The birth beckons; hour begets hour, day begets day. The months made known
the month.Time has gone round succeeding time. This particular Aeon was completed in this
fashion, and it was estimated, and it (was) short, for it was a finger that released a
finger, and a joint that was separated from a joint. Then, when the great Authorities knew
that the time of fulfillment had appeared - just as in the pangs of the parturient it (the
time) has drawn near, so also had the destruction approached - all together the elements
trembled, and the foundations of the underworld and the ceilings of Chaos shook, and a
great fire shone within their midst, and the rocks and the earth were shaken like a reed
shaken by the wind. And the lots of Fate and those who apportion the domiciles were
greatly disturbed over a great thunder. And the thrones of the Powers were disturbed,
since they were overturned, and their King was afraid. And those who pursue Fate paid
their allotment of visits to the path, and they said to the Powers, "What is this
disturbance and this shaking that has come upon us through a Voice to
the exalted Speech? And our entire habitation has been shaken, and the entire circuit of
the path of ascent has met with destruction, and the path upon which we go, which takes us
up to the Archgenitor of our birth, has ceased to be established for us."
Then the Powers answered, saying, "We too are at loss about it, since we did not
know what was responsible for it. But arise, let us go up to the Archgenitor and ask
him." And the powers all gathered and went up to the Archgenitor. They said to him,
"Where is your boasting in which you boast? Did we not hear you say, "I am God,
and I am your Father, and it is I who begot you. and there is none beside me"? Now
behold, there has appeared a Voice belonging to that invisible Speech of the Aeon which we
know not. And we ourselves did not recognize to whom we belong, for that Voice which we
listened to is foreign to us, and we did not recognize it; we did not know whence it was.
It came and put fear in our midst and weakening in the members of our arms. So now let us
weep and mourn most bitterly! As for the future, let us make our entire flight before we
are imprisoned perforce, and taken down to the bosom of the underworld. For already the
slackening of our bondage has approached, and the times are cut short, and the days have
shortened, and our time has been fulfilled, and the weeping of our destruction has
approached us, so that we may be taken to the place we recognize. For as for our tree from
which we grew, a fruit of ignorance is what it has; and also its leaves, it is death that
dwells in them, and darkness dwells under the shadow of its boughs. And it was in deceit
and lust that we harvested it, this (tree) through which ignorant Chaos became for us a
dwelling place. For behold, even he, the Archgenitor of our birth, about whom we boast,
even he did not know this Speech."
So now, O sons of the Thought, listen to me, to the Speech of the Mother of your mercy,
for you have become worthy of the mystery hidden from the Aeons, so that you might receive
it. And the consummation of this particular Aeon and of the evil life has approached, and
there dawns the beginning of the Aeon to come, which has no change forever.
I am androgynous. I am Mother (and) I am Father, since I copulate with myself. I
copulated with myself and with those who love me, and it is through me alone that the All
stands firm. I am the Womb that gives shape to the All by giving birth to the Light that
shines in splendor. I am the Aeon to come. I am the fulfillment of the All, that is,
Meirothea, the glory of the Mother. I cast voiced Speech into the ears of those who know
me.
And I am inviting you into the exalted, perfect Light. Moreover, (as for) this (Light),
when you enter it, you will be glorified by those who give glory, and those who enthrone
will enthrone you. You will accept robes from those who give robes, and the baptizers will
baptize you, and you will become gloriously glorious, the way you first were when you were
.
And I hid myself in everyone and revealed myself within them, and every mind seeking me
longed for me, for it is I who gave shape to the All when it had no form. And I
transformed their forms into (other) forms, until the time when a form will be given to
the All. It is through me that the Voice originated, and it is I who put the breath within
my own. And I cast into them the eternally Holy Spirit, and I ascended and entered my
Light. I went up upon my branch and sat there among the Sons of the holy Light. And I
withdrew to their dwelling place which [...] become glorious [...]. Amen.
On Fate: Two
I am the Word who dwells in the ineffable Voice. I dwell in undefiled Light and a
Thought revealed itself perceptibly through the great Speech of the Mother, although it is
a male offspring that supports me as my foundation. And it (the Speech) exists from the
beginning in the foundations of the All.
But there is a Light that dwells hidden in Silence, and it was first to come forth.
Whereas she (the Mother) alone exists as Silence, I alone am the Word, ineffable,
unpolluted, immeasurable, inconceivable. It (the Word) is a hidden Light, bearing a fruit
of life, pouring forth a living water from the invisible, unpolluted, immeasurable spring,
that is, the unreproducible Voice of the glory of the Mother, the glory of the offspring
of God; a male virgin by virtue of a hidden Intellect, that is, the Silence hidden from
the All, being unreproducible, an immeasurable Light, the source of the All, the root of
the entire Aeon. It is the foundation that supports every movement of the Aeons that
belong to the mighty glory. It is the foundation of every foundation. It is the breath of
the powers. It is the eye of the three permanences, which exist as Voice by virtue of
Thought. And it is a Word by virtue of Speech; it was sent to illumine those who dwell in
the darkness.
Now behold! I will reveal to you my mysteries, since you are my fellow brethren, and
you shall know them all.
(5 lines missing)
I told all of them about my mysteries that exist in the incomprehensible, inexpressible
Aeons. I taught them the mysteries through the Voice that exists within a perfect
Intellect, and I became a foundation for the All, and I empowered them.
The Second time I came in the Speech of my Voice. I gave shape to those who took shape,
until their consummation.
The Third time I revealed myself to them in their tents as Word, and I revealed myself
in the likeness of their shape. And I wore everyone's garment, and I hid myself within
them, and they did not know the one who empowers me. For I dwell within all the
Sovereignties and Powers, and within the angels, and in every movement that exists in all
matter. And I hid myself within them until I revealed myself to my brethren. And none of
them (the Powers) knew me, although it is I who work in them. Rather, they thought that
the All was created by them, since they are ignorant, not knowing their root, the place in
which they grew.
I am the Light that illumines the All. I am the Light that rejoices in my brethren, for
I came down to the world of mortals on account of the Spirit that remains in that which
descended (and) came forth from the innocent Sophia. I came, and I delivered [...], and I
went to ...
(5 lines missing)
... which he had formerly, and I gave to him from the Water of Life, which strips him of
the chaos that is in the uttermost darkness that exists inside the entire abyss, that is,
the thought of the corporeal and the psychic. All these I put on. And I stripped him of
it, and I put upon him a shining Light, that is, the knowledge of the Thought of the
Fatherhood.
And I delivered him to those who give robes - Yammon, Elasso, Amenai - and they covered
him with a robe from the robes of the Light; and I delivered him to the baptizers, and
they baptized him - Micheus, Michar, Mnesinous - and they immersed him in the spring of
the Water of Life. And I delivered him to those who enthrone - Bariel, Nouthan, Sabenai -
and they enthroned him from the Throne of Glory. And I delivered him to those who glorify
- Ariom, Elien, Phariel - and they glorified him with the glory of the Fatherhood. And
those who snatch away snatched away - Kamaliel, [...]anen, Samblo, and the servants of
great holy luminaries - and they took him into the light-place of his
Fatherhood. And he received the Five seals from the Light of the Mother, Protennoia, and
it was granted him to partake of the mystery of knowledge, and he became a Light in Light.
So now ...
(5 lines missing)
... I was dwelling in them in the form of each one. The Archons thought that I was their
Christ. Indeed, I dwell in everyone. Indeed, within those in whom I revealed myself as
Light, I eluded the Archons. I am their beloved, for in that place I clothed myself as the
son of the Archgenitor, and I was like him until the end of his decree, which is the
ignorance of Chaos. And among the angels I revealed myself in their likeness, and among
the Powers, as if I were one of them; but among the Sons of Man, as if I were a Son of
Man, even though I am Father of everyone.
I hid myself within them all until I revealed myself among my members, which are mine,
and I taught them about the ineffable ordinances, and (about) the brethren. But they are
inexpressible to every Sovereignty and every ruling Power, except the Sons of the Light
alone, that is, the ordinances of the Father. These are the glories that are higher than
every glory, that is, the Five Seals, complete by virtue of Intellect. He who possesses
the Five Seals of these particular names has stripped off garments of
ignorance and put on a shining Light. And nothing will appear to him that belongs to the
Powers of the Archons. Within those of this sort, darkness will dissolve and ignorance
will die. And the thought of the creature, which is scattered, will present a single
appearance and dark Chaos will dissolve and ...
(6 lines fragmentary)
... until I reveal myself to all my fellow brethren, and until I gather together all my
fellow brethren within my eternal kingdom. And I proclaimed to them the ineffable Five
Seals in order that I might abide in them and they also might abide in me.
As for me, I put on Jesus. I bore him from the cursed wood, and established him in the
dwelling places of his Father. And those who watch over their dwelling places did not
recognize me. For I, I am unrestrainable, together with my seed; and my seed, which is
mine, I shall place into the holy Light within an incomprehensible Silence. Amen.
The Discourse of the Appearance: Three
Trimorphic Protennoia, in Three Parts
A Sacred Scripture written by the Father with perfect Knowledge
Original translation of this text was prepared by members of the
Coptic Gnostic Library Project of the Institute for Antiquity and Christianity, Claremont Graduate School.
The Coptic Gnostic Library Project was funded by UNESCO, the National Endowment for the Humanities, and other Institutions.
E. J. Brill has asserted copyright on texts published by the Coptic Gnostic Library Project.
Sometime last year I spoke with some local healers about whether they
knew someone in my area who did a combination of body work (massage)
with energy work. I knew what I needed, I just didn’t know if there was
anyone who did the kind of work I was feeling like I needed. One of
the people turned to the other and they both said almost at once the
name of a local practitioner in my area. It took a while to get on her
schedule, but the work she does is based on the Polynesian method of
balance of the feminine and masculine as yin and yang in the body. It
embodies awareness of the meridians and points throughout the body just
as the Chinese methods of acupuncture do. It is, for me, proving to be a
very useful modality at the stage I am at right now.
My first appointment went well, and some blocks were removed. It was
helpful. I have been working on some of the last blocks in my system, a
process that has taken about eight years or so since kundalini rose and
began clearing me out. As I have gotten down to the end of this, it
has gotten harder to remove the most stubborn of blocks! But unlike the
beginning when I felt defeated by the hardness of each block, then
victorious as the block was magically moved by the stirring energy of
awakening, I now have a level of confidence born out of perspective or
experience. The second appointment, though, was something else.
We began the second session by going over where some of the blocks
were and what they were doing to my physiology. This provided her some
clues, and she got to work. I am able to identify very specific
locations along certain meridians which helps her to know where some of
the blocks are happening. She went all over the body, pressing here and
there, both massaging, getting me to breathe a certain way, and then
placing her fingers at certain points. Once she had gotten through a
certain portion of the work, she then placed her finger in one spot. As
she did so, she asked me what I saw. It was funny, because I had begun
to see something rise up in my inner vision just before she asked this.
This was bringing up stored memories that existed on the other side of
the blocks I have been dealing with for so long. My healer was already
beginning to assist in the release of this stored material.
I found myself going back, back, back, further through time and
deeper into the blocks in the root chakra. Having to do with survival,
abundance, nurture, care, and love, I felt like a toothpaste tube being
squeezed out. I saw my feet on wet sand as a child, an experience from
early childhood in my home in Florida. But then as I moved through
these old blocks, I found myself looking down at feet that were not my
own. Different feet were running through a rainforest. This was on a
Pacific island. A very old story unfolded that explained so much about
the trials I experience in life.
Letting it go was the single most important thing I could do.
Somehow, in perfect timing, I was given this gift of a Kahuna healer to
reach into a place in my past that was Polynesian. This was not
something I was experiencing that was by way of suggestion (that I was
Polynesian), but rather through a complete and perfect form of
serendipity. I needed something from that old world in the new to help
bring it all up. And there she was, my massage therapist, an amazing
person for her insight into a system that seems to wed a range of
sensibilities into one practice. Furthermore, this person lived right
around the corner from my home, which has been how my most important
finds have taken place, such as my Qi Gong teacher who helped me so much
in releasing blocks, who lived the same distance from my home as my
Kahuna healer does (almost exactly the same physical distance). This,
instead, points to the amazing nature of what lies ahead of us in a
journey of this type. Some want to call it miraculous, but instead of
miraculous, consider that it is pointing to the potential for the
universe to bring you exactly what you need when you need it (even if it
means having a Polynesian who just happens to do healing work right
around the corner from you with a healing modality that is perfectly
suited to your own healing). Rather than the universe working against
you, it can also work FOR you in remarkable ways….
For anyone who feels stuck with clearing out old material, I suggest
body work by a person who is intuitive and sensitive. This Kahuna
healing work was perfect for me, since it brings into the moment all of
the things that help to move these blocks. What I have struggled with
for over a year was released in that two hour session. As it sure seems
that I have saved the hardest blocks for last, getting this kind of
compassionate care has been so important. My healer looked at me
afterwards and asked inquisitively, “Have you had releases like you just
had in your process in the past?” I had to explain that I had a couple
that were as dramatic as the one she witnessed, but most of them were
almost non-events since I was not experiencing the trauma that made up
the block. It seems that for these last bits, I almost NEED to feel the
highly charged energy, to bring it into awareness in order to
understand where the fault has lied within me (how I bypass the feelings
that are so foundational and thus are root-related and that get stored
as a result of this)
Its been two days now and I still feel tender, and I feel new.
The
releases were so deep that they have left me feeling….at odd ends….which
is something that I am used to by now. I just don’t sweat it as much
now. I feel a stronger or renewed sense of my own energetic integrity
and how important it is to no longer allow people into my field who
mirror the pain that I have now released. Up until that time, however, I
continued to be vulnerable to this intrusion of sorts simply because
that was just where I was, sharing the same “samscara” or soul scar. In a
very real way, I was like a heroin addict hanging out with other
addicts. We kept each other going on this merry-go-round of
dysfunction. While I may have known all along that it was not healthy
at all for me to be connected to these people energetically, I was also
powerless to do much about it deep down. To gain back the power of my
own will, I had to cure the fault or hurt I had stored in the first
place. This naturally moved me out and into the new. Unlike a sudden
arrival, though, this is one step of many steps, a kind of continuous
spiral of evolving, healing, and becoming. It continues to be a
process. There is still more material to release, but I am now better
equipped to feel a sense of quiet within myself without someone banging
on my inner doors or sneaking in through the back way. This is critical
to do if I am to continue to heal, which is to remove all of the
negative influences that serve to keep the new at bay and the old
constantly reinforcing itself.
After these kinds of clearings, I just kind of observe, feel, and
wait for my system to reach its new balance. I have been living with
this junk for so long, it might take a few days or weeks to reach stasis
again. But its good. Since you might be curious to find out more, here
is a link to one of many Kahuna sites…I highly recommend this modality
for anyone who is dealing with hard to remove material. http://fionahouse.com.au/therapies/kahuna-bodywork/
Once I caught on to what had happened to me had a name
(kundalini/awakening), I came across some work by U.G. Krishnamurti. A
friend lent a book to me of some central thinking from his life. I
remember feeling how spare his view was about all of this. A pathless
path. As humans, we like to fill our lives with the things that serve to
decorate our lives. We are all about the mental jewelry, right? Inner
and outer kinds. So it felt kind of bereft of a certain human feel to
what he was saying. But the thing is, the wonderful thing about all of
this, of awakening, is the less you believe in something, the more open
you are to what is true….potentially at least. You now have a new
channel into this world that is all around you. It is like a umbilicus
that nourishes you, and it is the universe that is sustaining you.
Instead of letting belief get there first to muddy the water with
centuries of error and opinions and half-glances and incomplete
comprehensions, you can get it directly. And perhaps, too, you might
also have your own half glances about it, but it will be yours, and it
will grow organically like a flower bud opening.
You look out from the eyes of your body here and feel the rush of the
universe inside of you….and you know that as the soul of the world
moves through you as light forms, you are feeling the goings-on that is
all around you at incomprehensible distances. This is part of the
overwhelm that many feel when they “rise”(the rise of kundalini…) or
resurrect into this new life. It is an inward inner-net of life. It
would not be stretching it to say that you have unlimited information at
your fingertips. This is where the siddhis come from in the Hindu
tradition as they describe one facet of awakening, which are abilities.
Now on the one hand, they are just this, and should not be given too
much weight, but only the same weight you might give them as you give
eyesight, hearing, or anything else: they are there now to help bring
more information into your life.
In the early days of awakening, I used my desire to know to penetrate
deep into this “inner” world. By allowing consciousness to accelerate,
you can do what I have done. We all can. When I read the words of
Edgar Cayce, who did thousands of readings for clients using a method of
going into trance (code for an acceleration of consciousness!), he was
able to access what he described as an unlimited library of information.
I can’t say that I have seen it as a library, but the image is useful
to point you to the place where you and the universe meet. I discovered
remote viewing before I even knew what it was. Seeing objects from a
distance, describing the interiors of people’s homes who I knew, or
feeling into the marrow of the multiverse, I was most interested in
knowing directly, personally, what the stuff of the universe was. I
didn’t want an article of faith. I didn’t trust that people always got
it right. I wanted to enter into a personal and intimate relationship
with the soul of the world.
The universe is thus inside of you.
You do not need belief in order to experience the divine reality.
This reality, in truth, is merely an expansion of your narrow focus.
It has simply unfolded in important ways. In many ways, the right
brain, in its capacity to glimpse the big picture, is adept at
processing the information that is streaming into you in a moment by
moment basis. Why one person picks up on it and another does not is not
because of ability, or due to divine favor. It is simply due to less
things being in the way of this stream of energy, life, and information.
You can let it flow like a river and just watch the surface of this
water sparkle or you can dip your awareness deep into it and “grasp” the
stream and examine it. In doing this, I have found worlds in a drop of
this energy, this water of life. A world explodes into view and is so
powerful you have to let your imagination take center stage in order to
help to construct what it is that it is trying to tell you. Imagination
is incredibly important, central, in fact, if you want to let this
world teach you, speaking to you to reveal its secrets.
You don’t have to believe in anything to inherit the universal
truths. You do not even need to believe in a deity. You don’t. You
just need this connection, this umbilicus that nourishes you and fills
you. The trick is in waking up and shifting focus. The energy will
itself accelerate your consciousness. Some call this an “altered state”
but accelerated is much more accurate, so I use that. It is literally
like being swept off your feet by a wind and finding yourself flying
where before you had to walk. And really, you can know just about
anything that you are clear enough to have come through. As long as you
remain totally open without your blinders in the way, you have so much
to learn. You can learn about grace, about how this energy has animated
worlds, vast universes, and how it has seeded all of matter with
sentience. It can show you the relationship between how this energy
filters down into matter and turns itself inside out, transforming
itself into countless things. When you see things like this you see
just how free-wheeling creation is. Suddenly the world stopped being
dead matter and became this thing that was alive with a vitality that
was incredible. At the atomic level, this creation is taking place
constantly and at time scales that are astounding.
If you take a second and then divide that second into 300,000 even
increments and then slow that one increment into an hour, what you would
be able to glimpse would simply amaze you. You might see just what I
saw, which is that matter is not solid at all, but is being supported by
way of a stream of quasi-particles that move from energy to matter at
ridiculously fast speeds, Speeds so fast, I don’t know that we have yet
detected them. And someday we might have a way to glimpse this so
science can know it, too, but for right now, consciousness as it exists
in your body is perfectly suited for being able to move into these time
scales and see the world that explodes into view. With no mass, your
consciousness can become small, large, slow in time, or fast. It can
also move through time as it does this, too, which is helpful when you
are examining the “insides” of all that is. It might seem impossible, or
like some drug trip, but I assure you that it is not. This is the
potential we have in our hands. We can use it to heal the planet, to
change how people see their world from one of dead matter to more than
sheer miracle, but zillions of miracles happening on each needle-point
stretch of space that is wrapping itself around your flesh.
I know it sounds a little out there. I know. And yet, my experience
along these lines was described perfectly in a thousands of years old
document found within the Vedas where our ancestors used their newfound
awareness in awakening to glimpse vast cities inside of their bodies,
where cells exploded into view and revealed to the onlooker that the
cells were themselves made up of still smaller particles.These folks
were all over it. Old school. And they might not have the technical
vocabulary like atoms or compounds to explain it all, but they did very
well with what they had. And you have it. We all do. This is the good
news.
So yes, I read from time to time of others’ experience….not to know
some truth, but to gauge where I am, and to try to pick up new
awareness. It usually comes when I am not even looking. I’m just
thinking about it and then someone comes around the corner, smiles, and
hands me a book saying, “I was wanting to give you this because it has
something pretty cool that I thought you might like.” And there it is, a
cosmic friend who has arrived in perfect timing to answer a feeling or
question in a way that feels like a gift from that universe which winks
back at me, urging me on to open even more so it can reveal more of
itself. And of course, I am giving something to the universe that is
highly personified. But there is an intelligence there that is beyond
anything I could even grasp in ordinary consciousness.
This that I am explaining is itself the means by which you can know
instead of using belief to prop up for what is a shortcoming now in
awareness for you. You do not need belief though, since all of the
things that were expressed in the past and written down will come into
view to be seen for what they are. And just like I am doing, using words
to describe the ineffable, we achieve varying degrees of lucidity of
this “formless” presence that gives form to all things. Emptying your
mind of what you think you know, you can be open to what is. Like a
data stream of bliss, it will move through you. Its grandness is enough
to reveal just how wonderful the universe is. It can fill you with
grace, awe and wonder, softening you and shifting your awareness.
When we talk about our advancements in technology, this consciousness
is light years ahead of using THOUGHT and the force behind all things
(its love people!) in its ability to animate, create, play, and
discover. We could learn a lot from something like this. “It” is ever
present, yet what “it” is will escape you because, I think, it is just
so vast. And yet, if you allow yourself to be true inside, you can
glimpse the whole in every single of its parts. Like a cell inside a
vast body, this is akin to glimpsing the dna or some universal
holographic form that has all of itself in everything else. Yep, it
will boggle the mind and of course, discussing this in mixed company
would get you some funny looks, but the world needs it.
No belief is required. I know that the hymns and the rituals all
help make us feel warm and safe, but there is a greater safety inside
every moment that will also strip you down of all your faults, errors,
and blindness. Seems you have to just let it work as it burrows down
into your core. And it can be hard letting go of something you
reflexively have held onto but don’t even know what it is. This feeling
inside, a broken feeling that you have taken as being who you are when
in truth it was simply a story inside of you that you grafted onto your
personality. Its brokenness just feels……familiar…..and when this force
digs deep it is like a death….but when you open to this cosmic invader,
the light illuminates the roots of this and will show you what is true
and what is error. And really, this is what sin is about, which is
doing that which damages us. Doing this work often means slipping past
the subconscious self in order to dig out the roots that you thought
were you. It was the devil that you knew. And its simple. Jesus said
you needed to be like a child. True. And trusting of “it” in the same
way that a child might trust a parent. You put yourself in the hands of
this thing….and it can be hard for the most ardent
believer…..especially for the believer….because they already have their
own ideas preformed about what they think this will be like. And it is
different from what most people have thought, so it unsettles them. It
is so deep a place of communion, of union with the universal force of
all life….and of course many of us shrink back because we feel like we
have a reason to feel shame for our sin, for all the roots we let grow
inside of us. But this light….it does not care….it does not CARE what
you have done. It knows that in this moment, you could unwind centuries
of wrong as it dips down into you and pulls out those roots wrapped
aroud your energy body that form your negative karma. This is the error
of all of us. The reward is simply so grand, why would you want to
live another day in prison? Well, that is the illness of humans. We
just don’t know how bad we have got it. If you open to this light, it
will show you. But to do this means that you get really honest and
really open to it. You do not need a priest or priestess. You do not
need to believe in a matrix or a 5d world or commandments or any of
that. The light will naturally guide you.
Will you fall? Oh, probably. At least a couple thousand times. Get
used to it. Just accept this as the price of admission to the next
level of existence. If you think that you awaken and suddenly are
completely enlightened, you miss the human part, and this is the part
missing when we think of those who are “enlightened” because I can tell
you from experience that there is no great completely free person full
of enlightenment sitting on a louts. It does not exist. And why should
it? It just isn’t what is real. Our humanness is. We do not leave our
humanness. We renovate and perfect it by clearing it of the junk we
put there so we can honor the Presence who made all of this for us here.
It is then that you can glimpse how amazing this world is by how your
own vessel, your soul made flesh is. But fall, yes. Learn from it….not
just how what you did made you fall….but about how compassion can make
you better. Awakening give you this rocket boost way ahead of anything
you might have known, and yet, you still are little you. It takes a
while to catch up. It may be true that it takes lifetimes before you
can refine what you capture in awakening. But we have all the time in
the world. We do. Existing as soul independent of time, you can glimpse
how time is not some kind of race. The grace and compassion built into
the creative force that is prana is that we have all of it and more
than we need.
This work is like putting a big puzzle together….the puzzle is
you…your self cleared of all the pieces that did not fit. Errors,
assumptions, beliefs that all sounded good at the time, but wound up not
being quite right. And each of these are like blocks for the true
light. So piece by piece, you feel this light shine into those cramped
places inside of you…..and as each piece goes and is replaced by its
more perfect piece, you can begin to feel all the other places where
other puzzle pieces don’t fit. Like tight shoes. You wear them for a
while and you one day realize, “You know, these shoes aren’t that
comfortable!” This is the beginning of the change. Just awareness. So
simple. Your own personal awareness has flowing through it the light
of the All, and this force has the power to melt and erase and save you
from all of these pieces that were installed incorrectly, or were less
than joy. You don’t even need to know HOW it works. You just let it
in. It is the single most intimate act you will ever do, letting that
thing in. No mantras are needed. No prayers, no postures, no methods
or techniques. It is what U.G. described as the pathless path. But
that path, I will tell you, is simply amazing.
To awaken, you will do so when you are able to remove that which
divides you. The more of this you remove, the more this flow will move
into you. It is this simple. Some might call this removing blocks from
the body, others will caution that you MUST breathe a certain way or
else the kundalini will flow the wrong way….and I am here to tell you
that this is all the result of the past error in perception because we
really don’t have a lot of time left to get this right. The Collective
is pushing forward the energy of awakening now in what can only be
described as a watershed moment in history. People who have not spent
decades in a practice are waking up spontaneously. This ought to tell
you something. This is not for the elite, the chosen. It is WHAT
everything is, and when you awaken it is just this very thing that you
find stringing all of this together into something at once vast and also
incredibly simple (like how a galaxy can be resolved into a speck in
the night sky).
Sometimes a simple meditation is enough to bring you to enough unity
within that “it” revs up and turns into full blown awakening. Maybe
being around someone who is awake will remind you of what it is “this”
is. I stirred awakening in myself, I know, by resolving a long-standing
sense of guilt that I had with the universe about not doing enough in
my inner life. When I made peace with that (quite unexpectedly), the
waters flowed from then on. My days as the old self were numbered….even
as my essence has remained. Two days later I turned and felt this
thing…..like a far off song playing on the breeze….and I wondered….how
could something be so beautiful? “It” told me that I was part of a
family of consciousness, that I belonged, that the story of this family
would be what “it” would be revealing to me for the rest of my days here
on the planet. Its funny, because this “family” is actually everything
that is. That is the family. Every leaf, every atom, every star and
galaxy. Every baby, every smile, every action, event, thought, all of
it. Nothing is excluded. And if that don’t shake your world, I don’t
know what will.
You don’t NEED belief. When you move from imagining what the Kingdom
might be like to feeling it surging in your veins and traversing at
light speed via prana in your energy system like so many invisible fiber
optics, there will no longer BE a need for belief. You now have
EXPERIENCE. As this experience accumulates, belief naturally can go by
the wayside. And this? This is what Yogi Bajan (I am told—I don’t read
his writings) is what makes you the most dangerous person in the world.
I am sure he used this for dramatic effect, but its good because in a
way it is true. It makes you this person who cannot be lied to. If you
see the world of the 10,000 things as the Taoists describe it, but also
feel the soul of the world, then you see the outer and feel the inner.
You don’t need belief to prop any of that up. You walk by someone and
you feel their world of life moving all through them. Loss, gain, love,
hate, joy, frustration, and that incessant chattering thought. We have
all been this. We are this. But we are potentially more. So beyond
belief, yes.
I have been digging through some drafts of things that were half written in my blog, things that were not published. I am working to get these out. This entry is the easiest for a mid-week effort.
The great wonder of our inquisitive spirit is that our need to discover overcomes our impulse to stay rooted in the past. After fifteen hundred years of a solidified canon within the Christian church, we are getting a breathe of new air as discovered in the codices found that emerged in the 18th century and did not come into a broader light until the latter half of the 19th century. These codices include the Gospel of Mary Magdeline, The Apocryphon of John, and the Sophia of Jesus Christ. These, along with the Nag Hammadi codices represent a new voice that has emerged about the teachings of Christ that reveal an expanded view of the teachings of Jesus. Perhaps because of their deeper mystical bent, they may have been dismissed out of hand due to either ignorance or a desire to keep these teachings out of the view of the masses. And who really knows, except that many "scrolls" were ordered destroyed at the time of Constantine. He had bishops in the newly formed church to go out and find some of these after the first big round of purges took place in the wake of the Councils that formally pronounced what the canonical books would become for the followers of Jesus.
These "new" books help to shed important light on the depth of the teachings that this man and his followers were about. Perhaps for their depth, they were not understood. It is easy to see why they did not appeal to the burgeoning church of the day. As was the tradition of the day, women were often called men, a term that is not too different from our use of "mankind" when we really mean both men and women. In books such as the Nag Hammadi, you can actually see how those who were educated in the mysteries of his inner teachings would be called "male" even though they are female. It was certainly something born of a sexist society, but it also suggested a certain level of worthiness to hear and discuss such lofty ideas and realities. And so it is that Mary is referred to as "Him" in her own gospel. She was an equal to the men.
What I find so congruent with my own inner discovery about the nature of karma is how sin is discussed. From chapter 8, which is the beginning of a fragmentary gospel it says:
. . . Will matter then be destroyed or not?
22) The Savior said, All nature, all formations, all creatures exist in and with one
another, and they will be resolved again into their own roots.
23) For the nature of matter is resolved into the roots of its own nature alone.
24) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
25) Peter said to him, Since you have explained everything to us, tell us this also:
What is the sin of the world?
26) The Savior said There is no sin, but it is you who make sin when you do the things
that are like the nature of adultery, which is called sin.
What can often escape some of us is an important point being driven home here in this passage, which is that of the Essential Self, the "root" from which all things emerge out of. Peter, in what is a very common line of questioning about our fallen nature in the world, he asks about the world and sin. But. Sin does not exist as such. We are the ones who make this sin. It is not on the shoulders of some craven world, but rather is the result of our adulterous nature. It is easy to think that Mary is saying that sin includes adultery (for instance), but the drift is subtle, powerful, and points to our delimna; just as in adultery we turn from another, we turn from that which can heal us which is what is IN us and is resolved back into the root of our nature not as fallen beings but as beings who, if we were able to, could heal ourselves. In fact, the passage continues on to explain that this thing in us, our divine nature, is what can heal us and make us well.
This shifts our understanding quite radically, and is entirely in keeping with what I have learned is the nature of negative karma. If you go through my writing back through the years, you will see as I have mused that karma is like pulling away from a magnetic compass bearing. Doing this causes pain and trouble for us. It is against our true nature, and yet because of where we are, we pull from that magnetic pole even as it causes us trouble.It is a fundamental turning away from our authentic nature, which we all seem to be afflicted with this turning away.
So instead of karma being some kind of punishment, or sin as being something real in the world, sin is not as we think it is. But we have made in spiritual circles, karma into an image of ourselves. Needing punishment for those who have harmed or hurt us, we prefer to keep the cycle of hurt going in a never-ending cycle of pain for pain. We call this "justice" which is the old eye for an eye concept of how to handle our affairs. We have been at this quite a while and we have prisons full of these offenders and we aren't any closer to fixing the problem. That is because, on balance, we just aren't interested because to do so would be to crack the old paradigm wide open and reveal something entirely different underneath. We continue to die by the sword because we live by it. But this does not mean that karma is a punishment. Its the idea that everyone is going to "get theirs" in good time that is what is amiss. The world is all aflame, like a house on fire and some stay in to be consumed by the drama and thus the ongoing karma or we flee that building, never looking back.
I say it is time we begin to flee and not look back.
I will be the first to admit that I have at turns sought to flee my old life. I say flee in the same way one withdraws their hand from a hot griddle. Some, though, think that there is some honor in frying their hand to the marrow. But there isn't. The only advantage to feeling pain is that it teaches you to no longer desire it. Yes. Desire. We have this lust for pain sometimes, even as we run from it. It is this odd thing we tell ourselves. We say we don't want it yet put ourselves right back where it can capture us. Why? It is a perennial question. It just is. And it may be that this thing will serve as our greatest teacher when the time comes to undo that next seal within us. It might wind up being perfect. But until that time, we keep it at arms length but without ever really letting it go. it is the devil that we know, right? We chose that devil. When we can own up to it, something pretty powerful can happen. We stop this yo-yo action with that which destroys us and we face it directly so that its appearance completely changes.
The world is not a broken place, but perfectly made for an amazing level of realization to take place. You will see what I mean when you can stare into the core of things and realize that the world placed within our world supercedes all of our current dreams about it. It is this......vehicle for something remarkable. Our bodies, made up of all the same matter, is also this. We are all of this coming to a level of awareness and realization. The trick is to know how important it is to stop running from our demons and begin to face them. And we can each liberate souls that are caught in these traps by no longer holding on to the old paradigm of an eye for an eye or of karma as a kind of cosmic punishment where no one is really involved except you, as though the divine has somehow checked out of the whole affair. No, it is right there, supportive as always. In a world as ours, there is never a moment when we have been abandoned. Rather, we have taken leave of our inner divine. It is there, though, marvelous and majestic.
One of the gifts we have in our lives is when we can step back and
look at our lives and relationships and be willing to play the role of
Witness. The ability to bring this very neutral part of our
(rational…and this unemotional) minds to the fore can represent a
sea-change in awareness of who we are as people….good bad, beautiful,
and ugly. Getting honest has always led to big breakthroughs in my
healing work. It requires you to set aside bias and the arguments that
trap a person in justifications.
I was involved in a dysfunctional relationship in a marriage with
children. It was a codependent relationship that involved a lack of
emotional responsibility for being able to be happy and able to not
depend on others for one’s own sense of joy and fulfilment. Yes, we are
social creatures who thrive on connection….but we can suffer when we make
others responsible for our happiness.
My relationship was doomed to fail because as I awoke, I began to see
the list of behaviors that I and my spouse engaged in was unhealthy.
This was a gradual unveiling that took some months to a year to fully
see. I knew I had reached the point of no return when my spouse no longer
looked the same. Something in me was pulling away those glossy veils
that we unknowingly surround ourselves. I was, in the words of a
counselor and friend, releasing the layers of karma that had served to
blind me.
All of this meant I was no longer playing the old games…..at least
not to the degree that I had done before. I was not as affected by the
old behaviors and was not as controllable by my then-spouse.
We decided to divorce not long after that, and what ensued was a
campaign of alienation that involved my children as emotional pawns when
my ex did not get what she felt she was entitled to during the
divorce.These were things for which there are legal protections against a
spouse seeking to seize during a divorce, so it wasn’t as though what I
was doing was unfair. It was enough for her to go to war, using my
children as a wedge in the process.
This behavior is known as Parental Alienation Syndrome, and while it
is most often perpetrated by women, both genders have been known to
engage in it. At the core of this is a need on the part of the
alienating parent to discuss openly with children, the details of
divorce…sometimes the parent simply says damaging things about the other
parent in an effort at what is called mobbing behavior. From a legal
standpoint, this would be called slander. Children are not always
emotionally prepared to question these assertions made by the parent who
is actively engaged in trying to alienate the children and the other
spouse.
This is a form of brainwashing, and when it happens over a long
period of time, the framework from the alienating parent becomes a part
of the child’s belief system. Children are in this way alienated from
the other parent, sometimes for the rest of their lives. I can tell you
just how difficult going through such an experience is. The level of
grief one feels knowing that a child is caught in a belief system that
has been put there by another parent and is unable or unwilling to break
out of this state. As a parent, your instinct is to protect your
children. This kind of behavior turns your life on its head. The level
of acceptance that must be reached in order to forgive this kind of
betrayal is, to say the least, a challenge. It has demanded a complete
level of being honest with myself about who was doing what, and why.
And the answer? My child had always exhibited a desire to align with his
mother. It was part of who he was. It made him feel important. But I
was in there in this soup of very dysfunctional behavior and situation
and was being drawn into this very difficult and even crazy delusional
behavior. I was activated by this behavior, and while it was negative, I
was nonetheless there.
In relationships like this, there are no victims, even though nearly
everyone tries at some point to identify someone as being responsible.
This is the source of relationships like this. I went into this
relationship thinking I could make a person’s life better. There were
deficits in my spouse-to-be, yes, but I largely ignored these because I
knew I could make this person’s life better. I was always a person who
had a glass who was half full. But the truth is that without an
individual desire to improve, to know joy and inner happiness, seeking
to find it from others is like a house of cards that is bound to fall.
This is what I have learned. It was gained at great cost. I have in
later years met another person who wound up having very similar traits.
I sought to work through these issues, which were mine, through another
person later. That was a big mistake. Again, even though I knew that
healing must come from within, I still tried to work through this with
another person who was attracted to me in just the same way as my
previous life had drawn my wife and I together through the law of
attraction. I had to change what was in me in order to have a different
life. While we can work through some things through a catalytic action
that effects others, this effect is limited. Ultimately, we must
change ourselves in order to have any hope of changing our world.
By working through these issues, I have learned from a counselor that
behavior exhibited by these people is best described as Bordeline
Personality Disorder. While a few of the symptoms was not present in my
marriage, most were. These people feel empty without having
relationships to support them. Because of how deep this emptiness is,
they go from relationship to relationship. But so too did I do
something similar, deepening some of the issues that I have been trying
to heal. And I have been drawn to it, so I have my own issues to work
through. Deep within the root chakra lies a fundamental uncertainty
about survival that goes back to my early childhood, and in truth, moves
through many lives, all of which can be healed in all-time by what I
can now do with the stirring actions that Awakening has afforded me.
This is itself a hopeful time, an opportunity to wipe the slate
clean….and let the chips fall where they may. Will I be able to reunite
with my alienate child? Perhaps. But it is possible that it may not
simply because there is something in him that is simply not interested
or focused in the story that is my life. My hopes are constantly that
we will reunite. At this time, the finger-pointing will have stopped
and we will have come much closer to seeing things as they are instead
of HOW we are (to quote Anais Nin).
This is the great opportunity for working through such difficult and
thorny issues in life, issues that often, by way of normal therapy, has
not been able to touch. With as many emotional blocks that have been
released over the last 8 years, I remain hopeful, because nothing else
has been as powerful or potent as what I have been afforded. And this
is a cautionary tale for anyone else who is going through this, because
doing this work will result in the kind of life your soul is drawing you
to, even if it does result in some snags here and there.
Peace.
On a cool Fall night in 1977 I watched as a brilliant light moved
across the next hilltop near my home in the mountains of Virginia. This
light shone like a star might, except that it had a rhythm to its
twinkling that repeated in a regular and predictable pattern throughout
the sighting I am about to describe to you. This "twinkling" was not
random, but very specific and this pattern repeated itself once every
ten seconds (approximately). It was two small pulses followed by one
larger pulse, a smaller pulse, and then an even larger pulse.
This
object moved slowly along the next hilltop and it emitted a rumbling
sound that was not unlike a rocket,a lot like a coronal discharge might
sound from a distance. Since the object did not move fast, there was no
doplar effect. This object was brighter than the full moon. You could,
quite literally, read a newspaper by it. My sister and I witnessed this
object in our mountain sky that night and as we noticed the first
object, another came into view from the opposite direction. It too
moved in the same way as the first object had, and it also was entirely
in sync with the first object's pulsations. Clearly, these two objects
were linked in some way. These two objects were slowly moving towards
each other. The movement of these two objects was not jerky, nor was
there any change in their pulsing rhythm throughout this encounter.
There was never a moment when the pulsations of one object was out of
sync with the other. One thing that did change, though, was the
intensity of the light coming from each object as this encounter
unfolded. This change was slow, and the objects went from bright to dim
over a period of about half an hour. These objects very slowly but
surely moved towards each other. Based on the distance from us, which
was about a quarter of a mile, my guess would be that these objects were
half a mile from each other when they both came out view and began
moving towards each other.
By the time that these objects were
very close to each other, the brilliance of their light had been cut in
half. This was noticeable to me, so that the collective level of light
was now half of what it had been at the beginning of this close
encounter. These two objects then merged together as one single object
with a collective brilliance that brought them back to the same level of
intensity as they had in the beginning. It was at this point in my
observation that I went inside the house. My sister, however, stayed on
our porch and watched what happened next, which was a sudden and
incredibly swift movement from the next ridge toward and over our house.
She explained that the object suddenly streaked across the sky.
A
month later, in October of that same year, on Halloween, as I was
coming home from a night of trick or treating, I saw another object
whose outline I could see in the sky above, about half a mile from our
home. This object was different from the one we had seen the month
before in that its surface was not brilliant, but dark. It was
bell-shaped, and along its midsection was a band of brightly colored
lights of just about every color. The effect was a lot like Christmas
lights twinkling. It was not hard to see this object since it was not
that far up in the sky. I would guess that it was only about 400-600
feet higher than the highest hill nearest us. This would have put this
object at less than a thousand feet above. The object was moving, but
it was moving slowly. I did not hear any sound associated with the
object. It was a slow but steady movement going across from ridge top
to ridge top.
In the year that followed these encounters, I had a
dream in which I was aboard a ship piloted by grey alien beings. The
only difference with these beings was that they were as tall, or
taller, than I was, which would make them taller than the shorter grey
beings most often mentioned (it turns out that there is a taller version
of these beings....but that is another story) A group of people,
humans, were being given a tour of the craft. We entered into what I
would describe as a large main room that was circular with a door to our
right, on the other side of the craft, where everyone was being taken
through in a long line. I noticed that there were some children along
with the adults on the craft. One boy about my age, a little younger
(by a year to two years), was wearing a red black and white striped
shirt. Except for the fact that we were on an alien craft, there was
nothing unusual about the character of the dream. As we filed along
toward this one door, I noticed that there was a round opening in the
center of the room with a railing around it. I decided to step out of
line and go over to the hole in the floor to see what was down there.
No one stopped me, so there was no feeling as though I was doing
something wrong. When I looked down into this opening I saw what
amounted to a vertical shaft where there were two set of flat fan blades
that were both attached to a strut that kept these fan blades centered
in the shaft, about ten feet below me. These fan blades were made of a
material that I would describe as looking like ceramic or some sort of
composite material. Instead of looking metallic, they looked more like a
ceramic material. Each fan blade set had three blades and each fan
blade had markings on them that made it possible for me to identify each
fan set as they moved at high-speed. These markings would make a
circular pattern around their blades like how an old airplane propeller
might have markings on them that would make a circular pattern that you
could see even when the blades were moving at high-speed. The blades
were flat and slightly wedge-shaped.
The blades in the shaft
moved in a very specific way, which was that one set would move in one
direction, going from slow to fast (very fast---I could hear and feel
the vibration from their motion) before reversing direction. Each set
of blades would go in opposite directions from the other set of blades.
This was an alternating effect where the blades were always moving in
opposite directions from each other.
As I watched this I thought
to myself, "This will never work. The blades are working against each
other." As I thought this, I heard a being say, "That is not how it
works." I turned to see a being standing next to my left. He stood
there silent as a doorman, his back to the shaft. I looked at this
being and wondered what he meant. He then added, "It is
electromagnetic." Looking at these blades, I was put in mind of a jet
turbine, except that these blades were not working together but in
opposition to each other. After this being said that, I was totally
puzzled about just what this even meant.....but it was clear that
whatever was at work, it was not about trying to move air through a
shaft for propulsion. The blades were themselves flat and
wedge-shaped. Whatever this was, it was using something that was not a
part of any of our known forms of propulsion.
For years I didn't
know quite what to think about this dream. But if you know me, you will
know that I have had many such dreams like this, and the tip-off to me
about them is just how normal and everyday they present themselves.
These dreams most often suggest that what I am seeing into is something
that has some objective reality. Over the years I have had these same
dreams that have foretold deaths, births, as well as world events that
would come to pass.
In dream time I have done
more than merely deal with emotional material, but using dream as a
kind of jumping off point for other things. Most often these dreams
lack the same emotional content and appear as very normal everyday kinds
of events in my dreamscape. Except for the unusual fact that I was
aboard an alien ship, there was little about it to suggest that I was
processing emotional material. For whatever reason, a large swath of the
human race has chosen to look at dreams as some kind of gobledy-gook
that isn't real. I will say that that is fine if you believe in a
materialistic view of the world as pressed forward by many people, which
is that our consciousness arises as a result of atoms coming together
to form ever-more-complicated arrangements that create living systems
and then, consciousness. For people like this, the world is a very
large, empty, but also finite place where at death everything ends.
The
other side to this belief is that consciousness gives rise to matter
and that consciousness is open-ended and eternal. A universe such as
this has boundless potential and implications for us as beings living
within it. And it is so that I know that my dreams are more than just
the ravings of a mind that needs to stretch out and imagine things that
are not real. For me, I know that there is much much more to the story.
It is, though, just my own story. I do hope, though, that in
considering that there is a little something more that your own world
view is opened up just a bit. What I can promise you is that in opening
your awareness in this way that you will see a world that is quite
different than what your belief has shown or revealed to you. When we
wrap ourselves in belief, this belief acts like a tube through whcih we
travel in our lives that blocks all other possibilities from our view.
For as good as the scientific method is, we have even scientists who
have not done the necessary work to explore this other side of the
universe and congradulate themselves on how effective their reality tube
has been. These beliefs effect us all whether we have religious beliefs
or more secular ones. This is just how pervasive all of this is. And
so, perhaps in opening up the world just a crack you might see that when
you leave this body, this life, you continue through all-time and that
the thing that is the foundation for all of your physical senses is a
vibrant form of consciousness that projects itself through a myriad of
life forms. And what does this have to do with extraterrestrial life? A
lot. These beings, whose own existence as a species has been in
existence a lot longer than we as beings who have mastered their place
in their world and have gone on to master themselves as beings who can
traverse the seemingly vast distances of space that Einstein suggested
was an impossibility. As a race, we are just beginning to climb out of
our shadowed past. Having mastered space, these beings have also
mastered time so that our seemingly short life spans are but a drop in a
vast ocean of drops. We do not know just how much we have imprisoned
ourselves cognitively in our lives. But until we are able to glimpse
this larger reality, our knowledge of these beings remains limited and
mysterious. And when we do have contact with these beings, it often
represents a kind of rending of our world views. What we see in these
experiences can take down our carefuly-lain reality tubes.
What
I saw in this dream, I now know, was based on highly specific
information about the interior of some of these space ships that some
beings who are visiting us use. As humans, though, we have been taught
to believe that the idea of extraterrestrials is a bit of a joke. it
was our government who created the campaign about a character called
"Swamp Gas" who was a little green alien flying in a saucer shaped
craft. This character has been mixed and remixed into video games in our
recent era, but was one way in which we have all collectively sought to
keep the reality tubes of our lives intact. The dream was itself very
vivid in the same way that my other dreams of this type are, with the
clue that there was a lack of emotional material, which is for me a big
hint as to the nature of these kinds of dreams.
Fast
forward to 1984. I see a book written by Whitley Streiber entitled
Communion that has an image of a being that looks a lot like the image
of the being I saw that night aboard this craft in my dream. I was
drawn to this book and bought it without reading it, which I would
usually do at the time to make sure that the content was something worth
the purchase of a hardbound book (it had just been published). It was
an odd reaction that I could not explain, but merely respond to. In the
book, Streiber recounts his experiences with what are known to be
abductions with nonhuman beings. For him, these were most often
harrowing experiences that stretched his credulity and sanity. But it
was in this book that he describes trying to build a device that he
described as an anti-gravity device that was based on the concept of
counter rotating magnets. There was also the suggestion in the book that
many abductees would become aware of their experiences as a result of a
series of memories that would surface into conscious awareness first as
dreams. This is where it gets muddy for most people still caught in
the idea that dreams are merely a production of the subconscious and
thus are a by-product of consciousness and are imaginary or somehow not
real. This would all make sense if you were caught by the old paradigm
about just what the nature of consciousness actually is.
I
later met a man who had an experience where he saw what he described as a
sentient machine that would show up in his room at night and beam
information into him mind. Years later when computer technology came
into the mainstream, he said that the term "download" was a perfect
description for what he had experienced. What it left him with was an
awareness of blueprints existing in his mind or memory that were for an
antigravity device. He explained that for all the efforts he made at
trying to recreate this device, he always failed because he sensed or
somehow knew, later, that the "download" he had was only a part of the
overall device. What I had learned, though, was that this one facet of
the Visitor experience was nearly universal. May of these abductees
were left with a feeling as though they should build a device based on
this principle. The thing to realize is that all of these people, at the
time, had not read about abductee experiences prior to their
experiences involving these gravity drives. Statistically speaking the
chances of this many people managing to have the concept of an
antigravity device involving counter-rotating magnets surfacing in their
abduction "dreams" or experiences is akin to flipping a coin and having
it land on the moon. The curious thing about all of this is that for
all the material on this concept, no one has yet managed to do this. It
leaves you wondering what on earth is going on? My friend who had had
this "download" explained that he could feel as though the information
would only be released so that those with this information in them would
suddenly be able to come forward and find all the others who had been
seeded with other parts of this device, but only "when the time is
right." He stared off across his yard and said dryly, "I think the time
IS right...NOW." But this gets more interesting....
Over the last
couple of decades people have been coming forward telling about their
direct experiences with devices that they have seen that were part of an
effort to backward engineer alien craft that had crashed on our planet
that are of nonhuman, non-terrestrial origin. These people, however,
have not been part of the abduction experience. Some of them have been
scientists, engineers, and also military personell. For as wild as the
stories have been, they all have one thing in common, which is centered
around a device that has the capacity to cancel gravity by creating its
own gravity field. This field, it has been described, has the ability
to not only cancel gravity, but to bend space around it. This effect
has resulted in objects that can become invisible and that can move from
one place to another instantaneously. These devices have been kept
under considerable secure locations within the U.S. Those who have
witnessed their existence have been threatened with death should they
even mention any of what they saw. Each of these people had to sign a
security oath that effectively stripped them of all civil rights. For
them, in exchange for entering these secret facilities, the Constitution
ceased to have any meaning. In a world such as this, people can simply
disappear with few, if any paper trails following them. This may all
sound the height of crazy, but consider that a government seeking to
keep something secret has all the power in the world to do so. If the
Constitutionally- granted rights can be taken away, so too can any proof
of their having ever worked at secret facilities. Because of the level
of secrecy and the limited number of people who have witnessed these
devices, the number of people coming forward to tell what they have seen
is small. For those who are skeptics, consider that anyone coming
forward to tell a tale such as this is either crazy or they are telling
the truth. There is little that someone who is telling such a wild tale
has any hope of gaining. Considering how easily we will as a race
poo-poo stories such as these, the idea of someone coming forward with
anything but honest intentions begins to stretch credulity. It is why
many abductees do not openly speak of their experiences to others.
Fearing ridicule, they remain amongst communities that will be more open
minded. This phenomenon represents to large of a leap for many amongst
us, but represents something larger than our own limited perspectives
might be able to even imagine.
Bob Lazar is one of the most
well-known people who has come forward to tell his story about what he
saw at a super-secret facility located in the desert Southwest. His
story, while attacked by a number of debunkers, has held up for the fact
that he has insisted that he was hired by a company that had a contract
with the government in a secret effort to help backward engineer these
craft for the purpose of gleaning technology from them. Almost all
proof of Lazar's employment evaporated in the wake of his disclosure of
his work at a location that he said was called "S-4" which is on the
Nellies Airforcebase in New Mexico. This is near to the famed "Area 51"
which is a designation used by the government for a particular area
within the base. Just as there is an Area 51, there is an Area 50, 49,
and even 52.
Source: Wikimedia. Community Commons use.
You
might think that Lazar is a kook if you hear his story since nearly all
proof that he even worked for the company he says he did is
non-existent. His W-4 does not exist. However, whoever sought to scrub
his record clean did forget one important piece of proof of his
employment. It turns out that a reporter was able to locate a
departmental phone book for the company he said he worked for during the
time that he said his employment took place that included a listing for
Lazar.
Lazar explained that he came out to tell his story
partly because the public needs to know about this information, but also
to save his own life. When people who have broken their security oaths
in this way, these people are quite suddenly plunged into a black area
where their rights as a citizen simply do not exist. Lazar caught on to
this since he was told as much by those higher up in the facility where
he worked. At a certain point in his employment his home was raided by
government officials. His belongings were taken. The level of this
type of intrusion was so complete that even the books he was reading
were taken. Every scrap of paper, every possible note he might have
made was also taken. Those coming into and out of this top secret
facility were strip searched as they came into and out of the S-4
facility. Any possibility for employees to make notes or record what
they saw was eliminated by this type of security. For Lazar, the
writing was on the wall. He had already been briefed during the course
of his work at S-4 and was told that if he ever disclosed what he knew
that he would not live to see another day. Lazar knew that if he came
forward, he had to do so in as public a way as possible in order to
protect his life.
By gaining a high enough profile, he learned that
this was one of the few ways to protect his life. He was dealing with a
shadow government that existed outside of normal U.S. law, a government
that was described in just the same way by an engineer who worked to
create flight simulators for these same craft. The only way that they
operated was under the veil of secrecy. Like Lazar, countless others
who have come forward have had to do so in a way that this veil of
secrecy is pierced.....just to save their lives. It is a fact that
countless individuals who have come forward have wound up murdered
within a year of their disclosure.
Many people have said that it
would be impossible for our government to keep a secret like this for as
long as it has. However, according to eyewitnesses who have seen the
craft stored at S-4, the level of security is so tight and the level of
intimidation is so great that people fear for their lives. In an
interview in the last year of his life, one sentry who worked at S-4
described how they would be bussed into S-4 on buses whose windows were
entirely shuttered so the occupants could not see where they were
going. This sentry explained that sometimes the trip to S-4 would take
an hour while other times it would take three or four hours. His sense
was that the people handling security did this in an effort to hide
where they were going, to create yet another level of secrecy. This same
sentry described how after leaving the facility for a weekend, he and
others were subject to strip searches and polygraph tests. Anyone
failing the test would no longer work at the facility. However, despite
this, brave individuals have chosen to come forward despite the backlash
from a public who has been fed for decades the idea that to entertain
the idea that aliens here on our planet is just silly. Insiders have
explained that this has been the policy of this quasi-governmental
group, in order to deflect public awareness or interest in taking any of
this seriously. Things, though, are changing. Part of this change is
due to the fact that the groups working on these craft have gotten
enough understanding of the workings of these craft that this technology
has been folded into our own military technology for what can only be
described as a quantum leap in our technological advancement. The issue
of antigravity devices, though, remains top-secret, even from members
of Congress. But there are cracks in the wall.
Colonel Philip
Corso has written a book about his work in the Pentagon that involved
his dissemination of alien technology to civilian industry. His book,
entitled, The Day After Roswell, describes how he was tasked with
secreting out the technology that made the integrated computer chip,
super tenacity fibers, and night vision a reality. The effort was
simple and secretive: the government offered up the objects from the
debris to the right companies to work with and they could keep the
patents in exchange for not mentioning where the technology came from.
Corso never told anyone that the objects were from a crashed disc, and
whenever anyone asked, he explained that it was simply foreign
technology that the Pentagon had recovered. For all anyone knew, this
was something we recovered from a downed Soviet fighter jet. Corso was
on Eisenhower’s National Security Council and was head of the Foreign
Technology Desk at the Pentagon. Corso is far from an outsider, and may
well be evidence of the loosening of restrictions concerning the origin
of this technology. And yet, you wont hear anyone speak about it on
national television.
Corso's book is on Amazon here:
There are links to Corso's disclosure interviews later in the post.
People
will say, "If these beings are here, why don't they just show
themselves? Why not just land on the lawn of the White House?" The
truth is, in a manner of speaking, this has already been done. There is
now evidence that shows that Eisenhower was himself briefed on the
intentions of these beings and their presence here. This is one piece
of evidence that this has happened by a government insider:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxLKFRJUGxg
This
interview with a sentry at S-4 helps to underline the security taking
place at these facilities. This interview is in several parts, but this
one has a lot of the main material in it. He explains the level of
security exercised. Like many who have come forward, he died not long
after this video was taken.
In closing, I'd like to
recount something that Robert Dean said about the topic of Disclosure.
He said in essence that this is something that is so big, so incredibly
mind boggling in scope that the only way we are going to learn about it
from the government is by way of a careful, slow metering out of the
information. Dumping this on the People, they believe, would lead to a
collapse of people's world view. It would not just call into question a
slew of beliefs within world religions, but it would call into question
a lot that we think we know within science. Disclosure, he claims, has
been taking place for decades, and will continue, but it is going to be
controlled. I do think that we are ready for whatever revelations
might come, though. We are in a stage of advanced change, I suspect, in
order to deal with the environmental issues that are facing us on the
part of a dynamic planet that we are a part of. And while no one has
officially come forward to admit that any of this phenomenon is real, a
form of it HAS happened. In late December 1980 there were lights seen
near a military base called Bentwaters in England where NATO forces were
stationed from the U.S. The incident, which was originally covered up,
has begun to come out into full view. Wikipedia itself does not include
the full account, but you can read more about it HERE
The
incident involved a craft of unknown origin that transmitted binary
code after one of the men touched the side of the ship where there were
some symbols. He was able to write this code down and it was analyzed.
Another individual, John Burroughs, was observed by witnesses to have
been illuminated by a large beam of red light and was taken into the
craft. Burroughs has had illnesses that have arisen as a result of this
encounter that is attributed to exposure to radiation. The Veterans
Administration has finally, after many years, admitted that the injuries
that Burroughs sustained while on duty were by a craft of unknown
origin.
I was able to see the full details of the
account on Openminds.tv (available by subscription) that include
hypnotherapy sessions and full disclosure by the base commander Halt.
This presentation, a part of it, was given by Linda Moulton Howe and was
followed up by the witnesses of the event.
“What makes this incredible and groundbreaking is that in January of 2015,
the Veterans Administration has finally implied — after many years of attempting
to get them to acknowledge that John Burroughs was injured while in the Rendlesham
Forest, tying it together with the Condign document from the U. K. — it was an
unidentified aerial phenomenon or vehicle that caused the injury (to John Burroughs).
- Pat Frascogna, Atty., for USAF Tech Sgt. (Ret.) John Burroughs
Finally,
I leave you with perhaps one of the best forms of disclosure on this
topic. What makes this speech by William Cooper so good is that it goes
all the way back to the beginning of the program, explains how it was
formed, who was involved, and how it has evolved. It also has
connections to an early effort at essentially subverting the
Constitution in favor of A New World Order, which George Bush Sr. spoke
about (the first to use the term, actually!) in one of his State of The
Union Addresses. It has since been called "Global Governance" in an
effort to make it appear more palletable by We The People of Earth
(since this is effectively a power grab at a global level).While the
information is dated to some extent, it serves to help make more clear
the muddy waters of our involvement with the ET element from 1945 until
near the present day. It also answers some questions about the
abduction scenario as it has unfolded in the U.S. Effectively, our
government worked with a type of being which was not honest with us and
which may represent an energetic presence on the planet that can be
troublesome for the fact that what they do is not in the highest.
Because these beings involve themselves in the nonphysical lives of
people, understanding the nature of this presence is a big part in
clearing our own fields of a subtle but present presence. My sense is
that the presenter is telling the truth here. The history on the ET
issue has been subject to disinformation and muddying of the waters in
an attempt to keep people running in circles. Having someone who can
name document numbers as well as names is a big help in making sense of
this issue we have before us. Sadly, he was murdered not long after
having gone public with this information.
