We are the ones who get in our own way, never realizing sometimes just how we sabotage ourselves. So much of our suffering comes from looking outwardly and pointing to others, outside, for why we suffer, or why we have troubles or grudges or hurts or issues. Year after year, layer by layer, I have watched as my life has changed right along with these changes within my own awareness…..old knots, blocks, samscaras, transmuted, replaced by the opposite the very next moment. The very next moment. I release a big old block from my heart and within hours the phone is ringing, resources of a different source pour in where before its shadow was all that could get through. And it is why we feel the world is out to get us because these shadows are there IN us, and we do not realize its not the world that is set against us, but that a part of the world is its ability to mirror what we are, to follow our FEELINGS which are so often governed by our shadow or latent hurt or sense of somehow being limited…..but it isn’t the world as much as it is our impact energetically on the world. The world, I know, is a chalkboard, a clean slate, a neutral slate, actually, upon which we write such permanent feeling things. It is only we who give them power. But we shake our fists at this chalk dust and say how unfair the world is. It is just chalk. It is ours. When we own it, we can release it. Face it, forgive it.
Every time I have ever sought to forgive another for the hurt done to me during this journey into myself has resulted in my becoming aware that it was not the Other that I needed to forgive, but that it was myself that needed to forgive itself. Something in me seems magnetized, highly aware of the truth in this one shining moment of realization, as each time it was something I could not forgive myself, something that I held seemingly against the world that resolved all the way back to its roots into me. Karma is never created because of another. Never. Karma is created by each of us on our own because of choices we each make in how we choose to respond, feel, or react. Choices that are based on how we choose to feel and react to the reality before us. Many of these reactions aren’t even based on knowing the full story. We assume, we let our beliefs or biases fill the gap in our understanding of what is true and then we MAKE that filling-in of that gap a reality, but all it ever was, was something based on HOW we were, not how the world was at all. A parent, working long hours, is believed to be uncaring of his child because, after all, if he cared, he would be at home. And yet, the bigger story is…well…much bigger than what the child sees or assumes. We are all like this, misperceiving the world, seeing things as we are rather than how things are. And this is how these misalignments lead us to karmic battles within us. We can spend lifetimes there running through the same cycles over and over until deep grooves are cut into our being which we carry over and over like old baggage from the 5th Century BC. We go into it with our freewill and we get out of it through our freewill. Clearing karma is clearing ones own soul. I laugh when I think of some God judging us. This sense of conscience exists in all things! All things. Even in the atom, even in the water that flows. We each know what is right even though we have sought to hide the truth from ourselves. But in pulling back the curtain with self honesty, these illusions cannot stand for very long. Karma can be released quickly if you are ready. Its is as easy or as hard as we make it. Being compassionate with ourselves and others is what most often provides the necessary sense of safety in exploring without fear of retribution, but in honestly and in our own way…..which often means going our own way.
And so, in this leg of the journey, I have found myself in a hard spot within myself. I have realized that I have so many incredible resources that have emerged as a result of this journey, why would I let one old funky hard feeling trip me up? Why? No reason for that. When I think of something, it comes to pass. Why not run with it? Why not live abundantly? The only thing holding me back is some old funky thing within….but even that has been only subject to a habit I have of reflecting on how others might see me or feel about me. Really. What kind of crazy stuff is that? It is the last shovel-full of manure to be tossed from the stable of my soul. And really, how I manifest has been pretty amazing……it is something we can all do. It si what we are, what we each were born to do once we get out of our own way.
A few weeks ago as I drove out of my driveway it struck me that I really needed to contact a local news station to tell them about my efforts with my business, to help get the word out. I knew that with what I did, they would probably be all over it, excited to do a story on a unique take on the holiday season. But I stopped short. I told myself that was too self-serving, too much….SOMETHING. Maybe some misplaced voice was saying it was innapropriate somehow. And yet, a story by them would have so helped me at a time when I needed it most! So I deferred. In a few days, though, after announcing events at my studio through social media, I got a request from someone who wanted to come to my business to make some glass. This person turned out to be a local news station meteorologist. I again deferred saying anything that might seem self serving to this lady while she paid me to spend some hours making a variety of things she had always wanted to do with hot glass. I knew she may have gotten pestered a lot in this way by the public. She was at the studio to honor her Mother and make some glass. I explained to her and her Mom what I say to most people; I am leveraging the resources I can to get the word out about my business locally, which means facebook and other sites. If she wanted to say something about her experience, great. I don’t twist arms, I want it to come in a genuine way, never forced. When it is done in the right spirit, it just soars, you know?
So it came to pass that this lady could not get away to get her glass she had blown the week before. For some reason my merchant account was not being agreeable about dealing with her credit card. I was unable to collect payment for the private class she set up at the studio for that day when she came so I was eager to get her glass to her. I was able to meet her to give her her glass and it turned out she took the glass back to the studio and showed some of the reporters what she had made (all of which was really great stuff) and I got a contact that same night from a reporter wanting to do a story on the studio. So even though I resisted following through with my intention, my wish, my hope, the universe pretty well elbowed its way into my life and brought me what I needed. Granted, it all came a couple of weeks late, it still came pretty swiftly for a guy who was resisting so hard!
Similar examples abound……events which were cancelled by others who withdrew support suddenly bloomed into the single most succesful weekend of the season…..a full two weeks past the Holidays! Following in the wake of such hard changes, I dispaired over being able to garner the resources I needed in order to keep life and my business on a more even keel…..and yet….and yet….I felt within me this gathering storm of abundance that I knew could be tapped as though an endless spring moved beyond the small unassuming stop-cock that held back the ocean of energy and possibility, just waiting to happen, to flow into my life. On top of this, people who had come out during Christmas were eager to come again. Others stepped in, bringing their friends and coworkers with joy and enthusiasm that quite literally lit up the studio. On this visit one of the people who saved the day, pretty much singlehandedly, by being a supporter, said how he knew one of the anchors at another local station; he was close friends and suggested that I utilize this resource to help push the studio into a new level of exposure. All of this coming all on its own, all stemming from an intention I have made, asking, “Mamma Universe, you are limitless even as I may think I am limited; bear to me your blessings and abundance so that I may bring my gift to my neighbors and community…”
It realy isn’t about money or things. Its about feeling safe, about feeling supported by a force so large, it is all around us. Had I not felt this abundance of soul come down around me that Summer night and heard Her voice speaking to me saying “Let go, let all of this hurt flow into me, let it go, let all of that old poison flow out from you into me; I shall transmute it by my blessings. You do not know HOW to Forgive this and you don’t NEED to…you need only let go of it for a second so that it can be mine and then it will be gone….” I might not have fully realized the nature of this force….and like that, it was gone. Like that, the tables turned from lack to greater abundance. Abundance in feeling first. The rest takes care of itself. A clearer path for my own intention was what remained. And really, that is all it is; getting the junk out of our own way so the magic that is our own souls may better manifest as our hearts write new stories upon the chalkboard of the multiverse. It sin’t the universe that judges us or decides. It is in truth an inner authority, the divine within us, that does so. When we can align to this, what I call Divine Alignment (it is also a blog by the same name), amazing things can happen for us, to us.
Just a few days ago I spoke to my daughter about the power of intention. She has been able to see how this has worked, magically, for her Dad over the last few years. Its not like it is a trick that I do. I don’t. I am not in control of what the universe sends me, but what it does send me is most often so perfect. When I bought her a new bed, one that was taller than most beds, she said it would be great if we could find a desk that was flush with her bed so that she could sit on it and have her computer in front of her so she didn’t have to sit in a chair at her computer. The following weekend we found someone had placed a wonderful oak desk by the curb, one that looked curiously close to what she had asked for in height. Could it be? There was also a desk chair that looked brand new, which was also one of the things on her list that she wanted for her room. We set it up in the yard as we went on our errands and upon measuring it, it was the perfect height for what my daughter had wanted. What were the chances? This Christmas my daughter had mentioned that she wanted a very certain type of jacket for Christmas. Because of my lack of knowledge about how sizes are done with smaller kids, I was left guessing over whether a given size would be a good fit or not. I needed to measure her to be sure, but I was never able to do this with how our schedule worked out. I wound up with just a few days to do my gift shopping and had to pass on the coat. This is a Navy peacoat, and her interest in it is based on how she had nestled into one of my coats which was a genuine peacoat style which she liked the feel of very much. So this was a very specific style, not just any coat. Last week I said I was sorry about not being able to get her the coat and suggested that we go down to the thrift store after making a clear intention to the Universe about having this type of coat. I ended it with, “And we will know its being given when we ask that it be ten dollars!” This was my way of adding an extra element in order to jack the odds. We went down to the thrift store and lo and behold we found a peacoat in her size and color for $12.00! I looked at her and asked her what the price was and gave her a sideward glance, saying, “Well, it was ALMOST the right price!” Coats next to it were in the 20′s and 30′s.
Sometimes when I feel down, I shut myself off from these things happening…..I despair, or get down on myself, and forget that we are all this kind of magic, this kind of vibrant intention just waiting to leap out of the gate! For my part, I feel a sense as though its just not my job to try and MAKE things happen, they come so naturally when I just step aside and trust in the universe. And this is what I have been doing….I feel this massive abundance now that I know is just around the corner from me….why would I feel so impoverished with such incredible resources? Why would I feel so limited when I have this father and mother who dwell within me, this yin and yang of the entirety of the universe that I can tap into with my own intention. The purer and most direct the intention, the faster and more perfect the result!
The universe does not respond to thought alone. It responds to FEELING. Feeling itself is not some irrational thing, but it can have both negative and positive poles which we bring into the moment whether we are aware of it consciously or not. This is why being in touch with all of your feelings and motivations are so important. Do you feel worthy? If you don’t, you will quite literally block the universe from flowing in an abundant way. It is YOU who write the story, so fill the story with the right feeling and it will be returned to you. The WAY that you sow seeds is as important as the seeds that are sown. Seeds sown in sorrow and lack tend to never even spring up and if they do, they can be children of the hand that scattered them. So scatter your intention with joy and hopefulness and eliminate the feelings that say, “I never get what I ask for….” or “I am not worthy….” because regardless of the truth of this in the bigger picture (which is that you most certainly ARE worthy…we ALL are!), it is the picture that you are creating here and now. The problem with thought is that it can give you the grandest visions of how your life can be, but that is all it can ever be. You have to FEEL it all the way down to the bottom of your shoes and your soul before it can be something that will reflect this mental picture that you can see and know so well …. BE it and it will show you itself AS you are.
We might appear to be limited finite beings, and in a very limited way we are….but just as a petal may think it is its own self, it is part of a larger body of being which is connected to a still larger being. We are each multidimensional and the way toward glimpsing this is not through the rational at all, but through our one side that allows us to grasp the infinite; our feeling sides, our right brain, our boundless imagination, our own inner divine feminine, our Shakti who is the one who takes the masculine left brained intention (thought) and takes into her being so that this spark of thought is nurtured and transformed into an incredible miracle that is a new creation, a new life of sorts within our own lives. This happens individually as it happens en masse. We have an analog of the universe in us, a small mirror. What do you wish to see in that mirror? What brings you fulfillment? What is in your highest to be, to do, to become? Sometimes its the simple things….a desk for your daughter, a weekend at the studio helping people tap their inner creative fire, helping a friend selflessly, with full blessings and joy. Sometimes its just getting the simplest of things for our most basic of needs. For me, I do not need much. I just want to help change the world in whatever way I can that will lead to the highest. Sometimes the highest is found in the simple things, which are also glorious.
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