Monday, November 19, 2012


As I lay in bed I felt it come over me, this self turning into itself, something I cannot quite explain, only what can be experienced directly.  Like a bud which blooms as a mystery is revealed from within that is also without. A stillness that is not still, a broader being in a vast ocean, floating within an ocean of potentiality. I told you there was no way to really explain this.  My mind turned to those who do not know this.

Nietzsche once said that the people thought those mad who danced because they could not hear the music.  For ages we have been stuck in this place, destroying and killing our own kind because of something we thought was madness in them because we did not hear the music or knew what they knew. Certainly Christianity was this way, but it goes deeper than that.  Science is set up in similar ways.  It all flows out of a rigidness within human nature, an inability to expand awareness to consider that maybe, just maybe, there is worth in the seeming madness of others.  Women were branded witches in what we call the Dark Ages.  They had old folk knowledge of how to heal, or may have had a glimmer of inspiration, this life of this Bud which rests within every single soul on the planet.  And yet, so tightly shut, they do not know.  Certainly as I awoke, I tried to explain to those around me what was happening to me.  I was only a mile down a hundred mile journey.  It is hard to know the bigger story when you are so fresh into it.  One part of me cautioned me to keep quiet, that I would end up like all the people branded witches, misunderstood for the beautiful thing they were or would become.  I had kept no pretense about being different, even from the beginning.  Everyone knew about this who was close to me.  I was told that I needed to get a grip on myself, that I was to blame for the ills of others.  Every person who abuses is most often a claimant to victim hood.  This is both a projection of their own insanity onto the world which in my case was like living in a world gone mad.  But it wasn't that I was immune, for I had been led to just such a place by my own insanity, the part of me which kept me from the divine knowledge of who and what I was curled up in this bud.  We all so identify with our neurosis that we cling to it and will not let go of it even though heaven awaits.  This was my case.  But I was willing to let go. I let go of the madness around me, stopped subscribing to the sickness which had gripped our kind for so long.  I had children and all of this worried me greatly.  I had to find peace that one of them chose to go a different path despite facts and reality shining right in front of him.  We greatly love our neurosis and will cling to it to the very last.  All we can do is pray for those who continue to suffer, because trying to tell them about the music and way we dance is like speaking madness to a madman.  And even though mad, those around this madman will believe the words spoken which are distortions of the truth.  We will march to war for this conviction, and we will abuse children by asking them to take sides when there should never be such a side taken.  When se seek to demonize one another in this way, we empty life of its promise and all who are touched by this are touched by the death of the soul, a leaking away of the very life force that will invigorate and awaken the self to a still larger awareness of what it is.  Out of self loathing and hate, we empty life of all that makes it special, miraculous and full of wonder.  Those who watch this process believe in it, cheer and push it on, as they seek to reinforce the part of themselves which mirror all the death that they see around them.  And each life is diminished by this and the war against awareness lives another day in the hearts of those who fail to see the light or the music which plays just beyond their range of hearing.  But it does not change that there is a symphony of wonder playing just beyond their ken.

But just so you know, this most certainly comes through with a bearing on ego.  Certainly.  I make no bones about it.  But neither do I pretend in the fallacy that ego dies.  If you read my blog, you know where I stand on this.  There is a lot of delusional thinking it seems in the world of awakening stil, and it is okay. People will be ready when they are ready.  Until then, ego awaits its true unfolding in the self.  There is more to understand, to be aware of.  Until then.....

When we set ourselves against such forces of our own making, of the grinding turn of darkness in the world, we make ourselves an enemy of the dark as we awaken to the warrior of light within.  Every great leader so awakened has tried to relay this fundamental truth to the suffering of humankind and have all met terrible ends.  Until the madness is stopped and healed, this goes on.  But the bud rests within each of us, and it will take a deft hand and a kind heart to help it to open.  The only thing that will urge it into bloom is a special type of love of which the loves we know on this earth are but a hint  or glimmer of in this great symphony of a world that exists just beyond most people's reach.  The reach is not without, but within.  the path to it is through awareness.  It is a willingness to see all of our foibles, our missteps, our misconceptions and seek honestly for a better way.  It requires confessing our sin against ourselves and the divine that dwells within all.  The divine is not conferred by good action or deed, but is inherent in ALL.  It is not a gift bestowed upon those who do right.  It is not a reward. It was freely given in the beginning when our souls were new and we were untried.  Even then was it there and even now does it rest withing every single particles, within every heart and mind, each animal, insect, and thing that is here.  We live within the body of the divine and some of us are just waking up to this incredible fact.  Even in science, in physics have they been saying for a century now that the matrix of all matter is mind, that everything is part of an intelligence, a holographic seeding of the universe with something so incredible, we have simply thought it too grand the believe.  Or see.  And in choosing not to see, we have turned from its reality to the false reality of the insanity that has filled our lives.

All of this can be over when you are ready for it to be.  All of this finger pointing, this blindness, this punishment, this hurt.  All of it can go out with the trash tomorrow.  It can be simply left behind and a new way allowed.  It is as simple as the intent to make it so.  Gone is our dizzying fascination with the car wrecks in life, of the hurt and suffering others feel.  We tell ourselves how horrible it all is, and yet we cannot pull ourselves away to look the other way.  We take some grand sick enjoyment in the suffering of others and in so doing, turn a blind eye to our own and the mote in our own eyes as we congratulate ourselves for how much better our own pitiful lives are.

We hold onto our neurosis because we fear anything different.  We hold onto it like some badge of self righteousness that defines our own broken beings, unable to see just how incredibly ridiculous that it all is.  And we go on in this fashion ad nauseum thinking it the only option that we have left to us when all it takes is a little awareness and willingness to see our own shortcomings and forgive them.  For when we do this, it is as though we place a great fulcrum against our destinies and we shift the world that we lived in.  It rocks boats and it causes a shudder to gather 'round each life that it affects, but it is not the end of the world but the beginning of it.  It is the wild cry of the soul seeking to break its old cognitive shackles that have held it for so long.  It is the one cry that makes any sense in a world gone mad.  And those who do are reviled as the ones mad even though they speak the only true sense left in the world.

So if this bud is going to open, it will be because you have been driven to the very edge of your capacity to cope with this dry rot of a world that you have been living in. This is so because the only time we let loose of our insanity is when there is no other option available to us.   But once you do, something in you will turn so inextricably to the truth that nothing else can shake it.  Here, in a place of such great uncertainty, the one thing that remains certain is that the old way is simply no longer working and your own self, your soul, fashions a new way for you to go forward.  And in what may seem a fools errand, will come such wonder and amazement that you too will know the promise that this holds even as you join the ranks of those who hear a symphony no one else hears.  But by then, there is no turning back lest death find you and overtake you one drop by precious darkening drop.  The desperation will have grown so great, the bridges to completely burned that there is nowhere to go but forward into this new life and land.  No paths save the one you alone blaze will be the mark that you were even here at all, and it will be for you alone to know the wonder of it, for this was not made to be shown to anyone except yourself to yourself.  When we break out of the old means of dysfunction that tell us that we are responsible for the happiness of each other will the way forward be better known and the madness of our old ways finally realized.  Until then, it will be like beggars eating dust and thinking it a great banquet.  Any fool can be lied to and believe it. Only once you have tasted the clear waters of this life will you know just how dimly you have seen and tasted of life and the great spirit that is indwelling that has been so carefully hid within yourself that you scarcely knew it even existed.

This path requires bravery.  It is a wild war hoop of the nations, a wildness that cannot be tamed, a soul unbound by what it was told was wrong for a way that is perfectly right.  For most though, in order to taste it, you have to be at the end of your rope.  And when that time comes, the great chasm you see opening up below you will not forsake you when you let go, but begin to support you as it yawning maw transforms into something that could only be dreamed.  Only then will you begin to be a true captain of your soul. Only then will you be overtaken with the knowing of just who you are as a bud beckons you deeper into a world full of wonder and bliss beyond imagining.  Here, you will have died and been reborn.  You will learn the secrets of the true resurrection.  Here you will be filled with knowing which I cannot speak to you about because it is yours and yours alone to face and become. And on that day I shall know the glimmer you have added to the great chorus that is becoming on this planet, that is the collective blooming of knowing that is our one salvation.

No comments: