Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Healing Shame

Shame comes from a judgement that we make for ourselves
or that we accept from others.  This shame can strike to the core of our
being, to what we feel is most sacred about ourselves. If something about you
drives shame in you then it seems that that part or aspect of you is bad.
This puts you in an impossible position.

When we learn that our being in its higher truth is perfect, its like a revelation
So much of this is letting go of the shackles of this world the veils of the earthly self
to ascend into our higher selves only to find everything about us is perfect underneath all of the artificial postures, positions, and beliefs which we took on because we trusted our forebearers but never bothered to question or examine them ourselves. We have participated in a world that has managed to keep rolling a very old way of being.

Healing shame means forgiving yourself.
Whenever we forgive it lightens our being because the inability to forgive means we are karmicaly connected to a given thing within and without ourselves.  This uses up energy and also keeps us in a lower energy vibration. It is akin to carrying a weight around.  When you let go of it you will feel your energy field change instantly.  It will feel as though you are soaring.  It gets to a point where you ask yourself what else is there that you can forgive so that you might feel lighter.

To ask how one forgives is like asking how to breathe or ride a bike.  Its something that you simply have to feel. You feel into it and surrender to it.  In truth its the easiest thing for all of us to do but it escapes notice because of how covered over in all of our junk we are, covered over in such a way that it clouds awareness (trust me it does....there are worlds beyond our notice not because we cannot see them but because we have so much competing material in the way of our becoming aware).  It just SEEMS like its hard. Trust me.  The trick, though, is finding that feeling place within you where it IS easy. That we find something easy hard speaks volumes about where we are currently.  Problem is, we can become estranged from our feeling self, and in those cases its as if it never existed sometimes. This is because feeling is not a mental activity but a full energy body thing.  If the mind is the brain then feeling is the body.  And truly when we seek to remove our years of junk it does not come from the mind but the energy body.  Qi Gong and acupuncture and dance and ecstatic movement helps to loosen the blockages in the body where we have "shoved down" our junk.

With the addition of a kundalini awakening our fields begin to be pressed for cleansing.  Sometimes kundalini is not enough to remove things stubbornly infused into our fields.  In this case we have to do the work of learning how to let go of it.  This might mean some kind of process like dredging up old memories, talking it out with a person who was somehow involved in our earlier life issues, or using creative visualization to begin the process of seeding the subconscious with the signals that begin to tell it that we no longer want that old vibration in our field.  Ultimately this is what a an unresolved hurt is; it is a bundle of energies which have a kind of identity.  All consciousness is self aware at some level and since consciousness itself forms alliances (think about the cells in your body!) then this is very natural for an idea to become lodged and remain in your body of consciousness for years even when its usefulness has long outlived itself.  These accumulate into a "body" of "dead" issues that still take up space in us because....well...we are use to holding onto stuff and consciousness creates alliances.

 Everything is connected.  When the being that called himself Sandalphon came and pulled what amounted to a body out of my heart center, this was just what he was doing---releasing old material that no longer served me but which had developed a magnetic pull to me.  It was communicated quite clearly that this was an old dead "body."  When it was removed I was admonished not to go and try to pick it up.  I also felt as though my insides had been cleared.  The essence of life, Prana, began then to move freely in an open house instead of something that felt crowded and cluttered and stuffy (I just didn't know how crowded it was until I was emptied of this "body" of thought and feeling).  St Theresa of Avilla had a similar experience of having her insides pulled out by angel (also through her heart center!). The thing is, you don't need to know what it is you are releasing. I sure didn't.  For me it had been long forgotten I think.  In fact, this can be something that can be left up to your higher self to work on or think about. If you are curious, then perhaps the best way is to ask that it become known to you in a way that wont compromise your forward development, and that if its not yours to know, that not knowing might be for the best for now.

Sometimes shame comes with the feeling as though we have done something wrong.  Deep inside of you is a self that wants to do right.  It wants to love and be loved.  In our world we often punish people for wanting to be loved.  We have carefully defined lines and categories where only certain kinds of love are acceptable, and yet the soul knows no such bounds.  This is what kundalini can bring which is an awareness of what is.  What is is inescapable. We all know it deep down and have to move through untold dross in order to get to it, but once there the truth resolves into an ever-simpler thing.  This thing has only one axial point and that is love.  Nothing else.

Learning how to resolve shame and grow self love is sometimes the hardest thing because of how conditioned we are to remain locked in this place.  Some people simply do not know how to love themselves enough.  How does something like that feel when you are not used to feeling it?  An by not feeling it, how dependent does it make you on others' approval and "love" do you think?  But until you are able to break out of your old conditioned behavior, it might be hard to learn how to forgive yourself or others.By learning how to access your higher self you are able to access your nature which is love.  Its a pulse so strong and wonderful its like a revolution inside of you if you have not been used to feeling it.  I wasn't. In fact I had a hard time knowing how I could hold onto such a feeling when my heart opened powerfully for the first time, sending me into what I later learned was a "kriya" or involuntary body movement (mine involved an arching of my neck and back while feeling this sudden release and flow of this powerful heart energy). While these heart openings are seen as rare, I had enough of them in the following year to observe carefully how each one went down. What I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt while visiting this seemingly unusually land was that we reached this heart opening and self love pulsation based on a choice.  I could feel something ancient within me DECIDING to let go and allow this love to fill me as though I was being made love to.  This is a very vulnerable place to be in and further is not something you would ever want to admit to the  casual observer or friend unless they themselves understood what kundalini was all about themselves.  The truth is is that in our world we are just beginning to discover this world within us.  Until we learn to get such openings of the heart more wide-spread those in the minority will tend to be looked upon with some degree of ignorance and bias, even derision unfortunately. The advantage that the internet offer us now is that we can communicate with that growing community of awakened people and build understanding what all of this is about.

At the bottom of all of this is love.  Getting to that love is the challenge; learning how to rearrange the self so that it can be more inviting to this higher energy to enter in.  It mine and your birthright.  Learning how to feel into this is an important aspect in moving forward in this way.  In love and in the forgiveness that it always brings.


Post Script:  Day before yesterday as I struggled with some emotional issues having to do with how my life has been,  I went to lay down, and as I did so I had an inner vision which showed a man riding up to me on a horse.  He spoke to me in a glib sort of way, saying how he could depend on me to do his dirty work for him.  In what was an extremely spare but potent interaction with a past life, I learned that I had done something that I blamed myself for for lifetimes (literally) and wore the shame of it around my neck like some old dead goose eversince.  This was something that should have been dealt with lifetimes ago (at least 700 years ago) and its presence in my energy field had its effect.  When all of this resolved in my awareness it was as though I was watching something from deep within me rising like bubbles to the surface of the water.  As these bubbles rose, the issue became a non-issue instantly.   Just like that.  All my problems with being scapegoated or blamed as a kid and in other lifetimes - gone.  Poof!  Then, the pain that ringed my heart disapeared as a feeling replaced it which pulsed with the vibration of joy.  It felt like how you might have felt on the last day of school, but times ten. It was a marvelous relief, a release!  Event began to change immediately after that!  It was amazing to see.  The people who were interacting with me were doing so based on this new vibration which had changed just the day before.  How could the universe react that fast?

Probably because that is how it is....

So I wish I could give you a formula.  I am still thinking it through, feeling it through to better understand it.  All I can say right now is I feel like a free man, and its a great feeling.  To feel my heart vibrating with such joy within it, absent this hurt that I could feel since the dawn of my kundalini awakening, is something worth its weight in gold.  

What I realized I was doing was healing shame.  And I thought how odd that I would write about it just days before....without any thought that this might be on its way.  The reason for my posting the piece was having seen a search term that included healing shame the day before which got me thinking maybe it would be good to start writing on that.  We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes.....

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