Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Walking out into the spring air I can feel how heavy it is with dampness and life.  What I feel is inside of me, yes, but also all around me.  It has something about it which tells me that it is me, too.  How is it that it can be that way?  When I run up against a real problem in being able to understand all of this stuff I think on these simple things and I seem able to resolve into some sense of knowing that is not about knowledge but feeling.  The universe does not know, even though there is so much to know, its that it FEELS (you will see eventually how this is possible for seemingly inanimate matter) This is how I have been relating to the world now for a few years, since my Awakening which took place in 2006.  As I walk out across that parking lot and the trees all alive with flowers budding and life bursting out all over the place in one giant cry for recreating itself, I think about how a friend wrote recently about our world....words I read and considered.....was our world consciousness or was the physical not spiritual?  He was considering the makeup of the world.....was this just an empty place which we fill with spirit or is the physical world itself containing something?  I read this and bit my tongue a bit.  Well of course everything is alive with itself I think to myself as I feel this damp wet air hit me with its juicy sensuality....and its more than just because I feel it as sensual.... the shaman and the aboriginal people have all known this, it has filled their lore, their stories, their knowing for countless generations.  Not just known it but felt it, which I think is important. How was it that we fell away from this feeling, this certainty of the way things are?  How did we become divorced from our natures, the part that could feel the collective breath of life in everything?  I know that for years I would read in excitement what the shaman would say or the wise women who would speak the truth of their souls;  everything is an aspect of everything else---we are one part of a much larger web.  We are not the web, but a part within it.  This all felt right, but in truth, I didn't have many expeirences that I could point to where I felt this deeper sense of how what was in me was moving through everything else, or was part of some charged world of energy, as though some energy which was in the tree could just as easily move through me and then into the water and then the next moment be pulsing a million light years away in a dustcloud.....

As I walked across the parking lot the world felt like a boundless realm of being wherein everything was connected.  Everything was within all else.  Everything arose from a common realm. What I felt was what pulsed through all of life, and its not something that is dependent on my feeling a certain way; its here even as I write, and its here as long as my heart is open, as long as I make room for this bliss to pour through me. All matter contained this, certainly it did. This was what my awakening afforded me; a broadening of awareness or of consciousness.  This broadening was not itself enlightenment but I realize how some might confuse it.  This was the infrastructure FOR enlightenment, but sadly, we are only as good as we are willing to make ourselves or allow ourselves to be.  Kundalini itself is a magical thing in that in some ways it gives you this key into yourself and into the corridors of the universe.....and yet at the same time,  the world is replete with people who have knowledge.  This was what the keepers of the Mystery School In Egypt were telling Pythagoras about when he beseeched them to let him enter in to study with them.  They weren't interested in knowledge.  Its not about knowing.  Its about feeling because knowing is a trap of the mind which gets you out of the heart.  What I know in all of this is I need GRACE.  That alone is the difference as far as I am concerned.  We are set up to feel this bliss in ourselves, but this bliss does not make us good people, or even caring.  We just wind up caring about OUR bliss.  By stretching into compassion we become more.   But event then, the world breathes as I breathe.  There is a unity in consciousness, but some of us do not feel it.  It isn't that we can't feel it, its merely a matter of unlocking the cabinet that caries the tools.  Kundalini does this.

I realized I lived in this world 24/7 where intellectually I knew things were all One, I just didn't feel it like I do now.  This was now how things were ordered and perceived. I had believed all of this was true, I just didn't FEEL it like this the way I feel it now. The whole of this world is knit together like this.  The problem seems to be the consciousness that rides atop this wave of aware-ized energy.  We.  We the plunderers, the blinded would-be gods and goddesses.  Why do we feel we are the top of all creation when we are but a thread within its great and marvelous web? What has our great and powerful ego done to make this world a paradise?

Walking out into the air I was caressed by the beauty of the air all around me, alive as it was and connected as it will always be, or for as long as air moves across our planet.
Everything is woven together like many threads of a carpet or tapestry....

Feeling it this way I think is the revelation.  Feeling how it is woven inside of you and outside of you....this is what is freeing and confounding all at once.  Sometimes its just confounding, but its better than the alternative.

So inside of you is this bliss.  Your body will make way for it, to let it come streaming in, to appear as though one day it took up residence.  I remember thinking how it felt like something outside of me began to inhabit my body and it was cause for some concern. This got me into a scared place for a while until I learned the art of letting go.  And letting go, like anything else, comes in degrees. Ascension and enlightenment are that way, too.  Its all in layers, levels, degrees. But inside is the Way, the sacred path that the sachems and sages and teachers and psychics and healers, shaman and will unfold like a carpet rolling out to greet you and you will no longer be the same.  And as you learn to let go, it will flood into you more and more.  Finding your peace in all of this, the bliss rises like a flood, and in that bliss lies the secret of all of this.

This is where love begins. Its all around, and its waiting for you.....not as some dry cloud -pure thing but something so alarmingly alive and passionate its enough to change the trajectory of your life.  And confounding, yes.  And difficult, yes.  No one said this would be easy.  But anything worth something wont be completely easy.  We all have work to do.

I sometimes ask myself what my purpose is and most of it I realize is to simply breath this in and KNOW it for what it is beyond anyone else's perspective.  After all I have to feel this in my own skin.  I have to feel it so intimately that its like it is myself, a second skin. What is this being that is observing me quietly and filling me with such bliss?  it is part my job to observe it, to live with it, to know it, and to feel as deeply into it to plumb its mystery and being as I can.  Its so simple and wonderful to know that everything is connected.  How it is connected, I could scarcely begin to describe to you.  But its there, and its waiting on you now for you to feel it and when you feel it, it will be feeling you feeling it, and this other you will know itself resolving in a vast array of everything....every particle that ever was.  And while confounding, its also bound together as a unity at  some point in its self. Beyond that, I don't know. I know what I know, but what is its knowing? Is it possible for me to see as it sees?  Or is it enough for me to simply become aware of that great awareness which leads to a still deeper sense of awareness which we think of a still ocean of awareness?  This still deeper ocean of awareness is not what our gurus have felt.  Like being a small cell in a still larger body we have looked outward and felt inward at its massive force and body not fully knowing what end of the tiger we have.

So there is more to see and do and feel into.

I am happy enough to know that its all connected.  Its a bit like a mantra I have been chanting from lifetime to lifetime.  And I am glad you are here readin this because what that means is that you are both ready to take these words in and you are also composed of this knowing within you.  Some might even struggle with it, might even dissagree.  All of that is perfect in all of its time.  And when this love comes to you, ready to topple your perfectly created composure, I will be there smiling and so glad that you made it here.  We need more of you, more of us to wake up, more to be kissed with that great pulse of love, that great and terrible conflagration which will set your world on its edge and make you wonder what its all about.

And you will know the answer, maybe not on that very day, but it will lurk in your days and nights as your guides and your own soul brings those resources to your door for you to consider and interact with consciousness making more of itself.  This will be a liberation, even if it does not seem that way at first.  Finally you are feeling, and while it might be hard to remove all the dross, its also important to do so for the good of your tender heart which needs to beat in rhythmn to the passion that makes up our universe, the part that bears the string that pulls all threads tight, which winds its way through the tapestry that is our existence.   Perhaps in that time, as you awaken, or awaken more, you will smile, too, a little, and know that fear need not be the way.  Its a great path, even if it means simply knowing deep down inside and all through you that everything IS connected and that everything IS a radiation of this very special brand of consciousness, this thing we call love. 

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