Saturday, April 30, 2011

Dust To Dust

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What you brought
you can take away.

What you breathed into me
can breathed out.

As the universe expands
so does it collapse.
Over and over does this happen
or perhaps until something has been satisfied within...

All of this goes in
all of it goes out.

I am not perfect enough for this
I am not refined.
I am full of sorrow

I struggle
I do not excel.

I am not born of grace
but of discordinance.

I am unsure that this has any purpose at all
beyond breathing me in.

if I am breathed in
I can be breathed out.

If I am
I can not be.

So recycle me
take me apart
limb by limb
so that I might dissapear
and be ground into the kind of thing
that is food for the universe.
Move me through the furnace
make me into something
more fitting for you.

There is nothing I can do
only be
and being is not enough.
Let this cup pass before me
I get that we are all one
but I cannot be one with the greater all.
I can only be me
in my little world
but not being in the pulse
for its too terrible the truth
of this world.

This is where love dies
where hopes are dashed
even in the face of divine visions of ultimate possibility.
The reality is that its time that we all be ground into dust
starfire for some birthing of the cosmos
a recyclcing of this terrible experiment
which seems to have gone awry.
We are just not ready.

No one truly wishes for the All to Be present in them
but rather their own all to move through them.
This is the problem with individuation.
Everyone is out for themselves.
And that is me too.
And you.
All of you.
We do whats good for us
not for the All.
And maybe
just maybe
the best thing
is that we move beyond this realm
so this world might get some peace.
For our appetites are so huge
so insatiable that we will find no end to Maya
want and wish and hungering.
Never happy enough with the best outcome
we move to the next
and the next.

It will not end.

It will resolve into some terrible result
just as it has for generations.
So let this pass before me
take me
let me be resolved into the great nothing
which is everything
and which has the power to dream itself anew.
Dream me anew
as something different
more fitting for the dust that makes up my cells
and the fire that burns in my soul.

I know I cannot be unmade
but would rather that this might be so
that this terrible world I have walked through
can be less than even a memory
but forgotten
wiped clean.
But this world
is a nightmare.
Are these awakenings stirring in each of us
enough to rouse dust to fire
and fire to transformation?
I saw this before it was even created.
I weep at what has resolved before me.
What was this walk for?
This long terrible turning of the wheel?
What good was it to be gentle and kind in such a world as this?

So Thunderself
come down
step down out of heaven;
I call you
as I call my own self.
Cleanse this world of me
make of me something new
burn all of this desiring out of me
and make of me something different
Let all that has gathered in this cycle
be released
all memory purged
Arms raised high
strike me
turn me to smoke
let me rise
like mist into heaven
to rain down upon these fertile lands
made dirty by what we have lain here

Let some good come of this at long last.
Let something good come
let this not be for naught
and let me lay my worry
and heartbreak
that I might slip into some deeper dreaming
where dust swirls off the edge of Orion
and out time forgot
but redeemed
by some greater force
than the ones which seem to have been left in a world such as this.

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