Working the Painbody

The energy body along with the body, thinks.  The ancients knew this and modern psychologists are coming to this conclusion.  We aren't just a mind....and we shove material down into the energy body, the matrix of awareness that can cause these repressed feelings and memories to reemerge as disease in the body many years later.  IN Chinee medicine we know that movement helps us to release old hardened knots...old issues that have just rested there and were allowed to fossilize. Disciplines like Qi Gung (also "gong") are known for how they keep the field clear.  And when you awaken, you become much more aware of how your energy body does think and feel.  It was, for me, as though I was aware of these old issues much like they were organs in my body....except not something good....something that had been allowed to "live" there but did me no good. These little bits of broken cosmic code only served to confuse the matrix of my body with material that never seemed to do it any good.

Painbody is the result of these hurts, their collective voice all screaming inside of us.  Again, when I awoke, I gradually became more aware of this hurt in my body.  At a certain point when someone actually took my hurt off me energetically (this is another story) through an act of surrogacy, I was allowed a few moments to feel what it was like without the pain.  Then the pain came back after this healer put the energy back on.  What had happened was my system was allowed to "reset" so that I could be more aware of this pain my awareness.  It had been so constant and so present, I simply didn't feel it anymore.  Imagine putting your head in a vice for 30 years.  After a while, you would simply stop feeling that the vice was even there. I had a great aunt who lived by the railroad tracks.  Trains were coming by all the time.  During the War, they would be spaced a mile apart as they made their way to the shipping lanes of Newport News as tanks and jeeps were shipped overseas.  One day, without looking, she stepped out in front of a train.  People though she had committed suicide.  The truth was, she simply no longer heard the trains.  As loud as they were, her consciousness had managed to filter them entirely out.  Pretty amazing.  But we do this.

From that moment on, though, I felt my painbody in an excruciating way.  It would make me feel clammy, my head would hurt, I would feel like I might throw up.  How was it that I had managed to deal with all of this for so long?  How was I ging to deal with this intense pain throbbing inside of me 24/7?   I learned that dealing with the painbody was a matter of focus.  By allowing the bliss of the kundalini to flow I did not feel painbody for that period of time.  I found that I continued to resolve knots and blocks in my field.  I could feel them fall away.  I never really knew what they were at the time.  Sometimes I would feel a very old emotion, something from my childhood, and it was followed by a feeling of suddenly being set free somehow.  I felt lighter.  The energy flowed without being impeded.  I found that meditation would work, but meditation that helped me to shift my energy, a process where I could actually feel how my brain wave state would change.  I could feel a shift happen in my head that spread all through my body.  It was like tuning in a new station.  Once I did this, I not only was able to release pain, I was also able to feel as though I had just taken a long nap.  I was able to do this while awake, but it often meant pretending I was falling asleep.  I learned that my brain would THINK I was asleep if I was motionless for long enough periods and was tired enough. This worked best when in the early afternoon and I was very tired.  I could feel a buzzing veil fall down all around me.  It felt as though I was falling asleep in one world and waking up in another.  I often would see an aura of dark golden light around my body that was coincident with this shift.  I believe that we can all experience this shift while awake but you need to feel really tired or sleepy. Three in the afternoon seemed the perfect time for me to encounter this.  It also meant that I had to sit perfectly still for about 45 minutes and allow myself to drift.  My eyes were always closed.  I was most often awake.  Once the buzzing veil fel down around me, I could get up.  I would feel entirely refreshed and the pain would have lifted.  For longer and longer periods, I was able to relieve myself of this pain.  I later found that the pain was merely an association that i was making with a given type of energy.  I too was tuning in the pain.  I began to tune it out.  And it went away.

One of the biggest releases I had with the pain was a pain I felt in my heart.  This one was very hard.  When I began feeling it, it felt as though my physical heart was somehow encased in a rough stone coffin. The soft heart muscle would scrape against the rough insides of this stoney exterior.  It felt exactly like this. One day I managed to drop this material away at a point when I felt like I was at the end of my rope emotionally.  I was shown a memory from a past life where I had wound up blaming myself for a lot of people in my village who had gotten hurt.  While I was not directly involved, I blamed myself.  I also suspect other people also sought to blame me.  It was a peculiar kind of pain to feel.  But its had been with me since about the 1400's and in that moment, wen the material was allowed to drop, my insides felt relief from this hurt for the first time in centuries.  The heart center was liberated, and was beaming with something I can only describe as joy. It almost hurt from all this joy flowing through it.  It was as though a golden sun was shining inside of me.  This intense feeling persisted for about three days and even now I can focus on my heart and it will begin to shine in this same exact way.

Releasing pain and lessening painbody is merely removing yourself from thinking or identifying with the pain to begin with.  It isn't that you ignore what happened, its more that you realize there isn't anything you can do about it now. Its in the past.  We need to focus on now, not on something that happened so long ago.  And yet, for obvious reasons, we do.  Intent is the single most powerful tool that you can use to begin this process.  By using intent you don't even need to know HOW you are going to release it, only that you want to.  By being disciplined, you can choose the positive over the negative.  Depending on how ingrained this hurt has been, you can slowly replace hurt with joy.  This is not an overnight remedy, but its possible to have successes in the exact same way I did; these healings can happen in a glimmering, so be ready for the possibility.

Sometimes having a practice can help.  If this helps you, you can use breathwork as well as a meditative state to help bring you to the place within where change can take place.  You can imagine your painbody shrinking in size.  You can also simply feel into the calm centered bliss of the energy that flows through you.  Breath work will help to silence the mind. It can also help your own energy to flow more freely and in a less tight and chaotic way.  There is no secret to this breathwork except that long breaths in and out seem to be the most profundly relaxing since they seem to remind us that we are relaxed.  Afterall, slow and deep breathing mimics how we breath when we are asleep and at our most relaxed.  The body tends to follow how we feel and we can trick the mind into thinking its relaxed through this type of breathing.  Its simple but effective.  By simply feeling the good vibes that come from relaxation, you will be doing exactly what you need to cultivate the kinds of feelings that will help distance you from this pain.

When you do breath work, you can also imagine that your energy is going out with your breath and that you are taking in new energy, gradually replacing the old energy with good clean energy.  I often imagine pretending I am the sand along the beach and the water will come up and wash away all the junk in the sand....over and over the waves will flow into me and then out of me, and I feel cleared  I do this many times over a period of weeks, even months.  The effects are all very positive.  These can become the first cracks in a fascade that has needed some attention for a good while.  You owe it to yourself to feel better.

The Point

Waking up and moving beyond old hurts is about building awareness.  There comes a time when you either are or are not aware that the pain and tightness felt is the result of your own misalignment with your divine flow.  Its not that you are bad.  Its that you have allowed material that is inconsequential to your infinite or Essential Self to come between you and it.

People who awaken often have all kinds of symptoms of pain which isn't anything that medicine can diagnose.  Many go home with some prescription or other, but it never solves the problem.  These issues often clear up in time, but only once kundalini helps to identify and bring awareness that its not your BODY that is feeling this, but its your energy body.  In chinese medicine, pain and trauma gets lodged in the energy field.  The idea that we push stuff down is true.  it isn't just in the brain or head.  Its all through us.  Things of a sexual and nurturing nature get lodged in the root.  Issues related to our sensuality are in the sacral.  Issues concerning our individuality are in our gut.  The heart is about our ability to sense in an instinctive way what truth is, divine truth...as well as the pulse of love.  Our throat chakra is involved with being heard and speaking our truth.  And on and on it goes.  These chakras are aligned to feelings because of vibratory frequencies involved in each center.  Taken together, these centers form a complete octave, a kind of range of colors in vibration that make a rainbow.  Its energy and like attracts like.  So naturally, as you become aware, you can feel how your stomach is tight, or how your root is unsettled and tight.  When this happens, it can help you to identify what you are doing with your thoughts and feelings.  It can make you more self aware.  It can help you to learn to get beyond those feelings, and fill that space with a better feeling. FEELING.  Not emotions, though.  We have emotions, and they can often be just as unsettled as our karmas....are often inculcated right alongside our karmas, our attachments to hurts and old old trauma.  This can go back for lifetimes, often resulting in a repeating pattern that is a bit of a rut.  The great thing is this rut can be healed in just one lifetime.  Sometimes in moments.  If you are aware and ready to let go of that old investment.  Problem is, our pains often define us.  It seems kind of crazy, but we are all this way.  And in so being, the way to healing is with a healthy does of compassion and understanding.  For all of us. 

This is about stripping down to nothing.  Then, when you have all the dross of this world removed, you can build based on what your higher self offers.  Your higher self is the parent, is the father and mother that Jesus spoke of (the mother got swept under the rug, but in recently discovered texts he DOES say mother/Holy ghost, which was known as the feminine aspect of the divinity).  Others speak of the same thing.  Your insides are dying to feel into this broad range of being that will flow instead of feel stopped up.  Learning to listen to your inner parentage, your higher self which is both masculine and feminine, is an important tool in developing freedom.  Sadly, the Christian tradition could not allow the feminine her place…..but when you heal the rift between your masculine and feminine, you will FEEL your masculine and feminine in your higher self much more clearly.  There is a lot of work to do, so do not be fooled you have it licked.  You don’t.  You are just a very young being compared to your higher self.  Your higher self has this licked.  Learning to listen to it will never lead you astray.  But most people are clueless about how to do this.  Or how the role of the creative can get them out of the log-jam of their pain and suffering.

Learning to cast awareness is the first step.  Understanding that all that comes between you and the infinite is karmic.  Much of this is so close to you that its hard to see.  There is no work; this is a misunderstood illusory thing.  The only work there is is in letting it all go.  And how do you do that?  Grace.  There is another way to understand it, but I have said it over and over until I am blue.  I am now feeling other colors would be nicer for me.  You do not need a teacher.  The teacher is in you.  What you need is someone who will remind you of your vast storehouse of potential.  What trips you up?  Kundalini?  Nonsense.  You know better than that.  That’s victim talk.  What trips you up is you.  And if you realize that this is true, then what is it in your that is causing all the tripping?  Are you the least bit curious?  If you are, then getting to understand that everything that remains for you in your “process” is entirely inside you.  It is also reflected outside of you in the world, but don’t be fooled into thinking that this reflection IS the reality.  It isn’t.

The Law of Attraction means you will attract the same based on where you are, what you are.  the people in your life reflect all of this.  If you are looking for a teacher and you cannot find awareness, your teacher will also have problems with awareness.  So where will this get you?  The true authority is within you.  You must learn how to grab the can opener and open your own cans.  Otherwise, you give your power over to someone who will rob you of your wealth inwardly.  We have ALL been doing this for centuries.  That is another story.

Learn to feel, learn about grace, and remember what you are.  You are infinite.  Let go.  The universe is calling.

Dropping Pain Body

(Work In Progress)

One aspect of Awakening is a more acute awareness of karmic issues and old traumas through the medium of the energy body.  People who are awakened can have such exruciation pain in their bodies that they go to see doctors, always to no avail.  Its not real physical pain, but the effect of awareness of the buried pain now being brought to the fore.  All of this is a transmutation of that pain into joy.

The presence of the pain body can be  positive thing in that you are now aware of something you weren't aware of before.  This is a first important step.    The next step is to release what the energy has brought into your awareness.  Its a simple thing; its either pain or bliss.  You know the bliss and you know the pain, and you may know a blend of the two. Letting it all go, ceaseing identification with the issues that you cannot wrestle with, improve, fix or even patch that well, is in line with how our own healing takes place.  If we had been capable of healing it, it would have been healed by now; most hurts are ingrained from lifetimes ago....our hardest issues are those that have repeated over and over and over again.  Lime a theme, a cord running though all of our lives.  Ultimately, no matter the details, it all comes down to love.  In the end, all of this....everything in this world comes down to SELF love. Can you allow yourself to feel the love of the universe so powerfully that YOU are able to let go of everything that stands in the way of the experience?  Can you cease trying to compare yourself against another, or whether you got as much love as another, or whether you measured up in the eyes of others. 

The pain that you feel is the result of sitting at the table of life and reaching across that table seeking the love and approval of others instead of allowing the bliss field to resolve deep within you.  Absent that, a crack or fracture has developed.  Its against the true function of becoming; fix yourself and that singular act prepares you for meeting the perfect bliss of the universe instead of perceiving it through the distorted lens of karma.....any emotional frailty that leads to expectations that are unrealistic.  By knowing that YOU are o.k. first, you can begin to effect the release you need in order for your energy body to begin to disassociate itself with the energetic pattern you have clung to for so long.  Which is it?  Lack of love?  Abuse?  Poverty?  Some guilt could resolve as a pain in your heart.  A disconnect between your deeper bliss field and your feelings could result in a root chakra that is overactive.  Anything that has been suppressed rise to the surface more active than ever. 

(Work In Progress)