Friday, April 13, 2012

Working the Painbody

The energy body along with the body, thinks.  The ancients knew this and modern psychologists are coming to this conclusion.  We aren't just a mind....and we shove material down into the energy body, the matrix of awareness that can cause these repressed feelings and memories to reemerge as disease in the body many years later.  IN Chinee medicine we know that movement helps us to release old hardened knots...old issues that have just rested there and were allowed to fossilize. Disciplines like Qi Gung (also "gong") are known for how they keep the field clear.  And when you awaken, you become much more aware of how your energy body does think and feel.  It was, for me, as though I was aware of these old issues much like they were organs in my body....except not something good....something that had been allowed to "live" there but did me no good. These little bits of broken cosmic code only served to confuse the matrix of my body with material that never seemed to do it any good.

Painbody is the result of these hurts, their collective voice all screaming inside of us.  Again, when I awoke, I gradually became more aware of this hurt in my body.  At a certain point when someone actually took my hurt off me energetically (this is another story) through an act of surrogacy, I was allowed a few moments to feel what it was like without the pain.  Then the pain came back after this healer put the energy back on.  What had happened was my system was allowed to "reset" so that I could be more aware of this pain my awareness.  It had been so constant and so present, I simply didn't feel it anymore.  Imagine putting your head in a vice for 30 years.  After a while, you would simply stop feeling that the vice was even there. I had a great aunt who lived by the railroad tracks.  Trains were coming by all the time.  During the War, they would be spaced a mile apart as they made their way to the shipping lanes of Newport News as tanks and jeeps were shipped overseas.  One day, without looking, she stepped out in front of a train.  People though she had committed suicide.  The truth was, she simply no longer heard the trains.  As loud as they were, her consciousness had managed to filter them entirely out.  Pretty amazing.  But we do this.

From that moment on, though, I felt my painbody in an excruciating way.  It would make me feel clammy, my head would hurt, I would feel like I might throw up.  How was it that I had managed to deal with all of this for so long?  How was I ging to deal with this intense pain throbbing inside of me 24/7?   I learned that dealing with the painbody was a matter of focus.  By allowing the bliss of the kundalini to flow I did not feel painbody for that period of time.  I found that I continued to resolve knots and blocks in my field.  I could feel them fall away.  I never really knew what they were at the time.  Sometimes I would feel a very old emotion, something from my childhood, and it was followed by a feeling of suddenly being set free somehow.  I felt lighter.  The energy flowed without being impeded.  I found that meditation would work, but meditation that helped me to shift my energy, a process where I could actually feel how my brain wave state would change.  I could feel a shift happen in my head that spread all through my body.  It was like tuning in a new station.  Once I did this, I not only was able to release pain, I was also able to feel as though I had just taken a long nap.  I was able to do this while awake, but it often meant pretending I was falling asleep.  I learned that my brain would THINK I was asleep if I was motionless for long enough periods and was tired enough. This worked best when in the early afternoon and I was very tired.  I could feel a buzzing veil fall down all around me.  It felt as though I was falling asleep in one world and waking up in another.  I often would see an aura of dark golden light around my body that was coincident with this shift.  I believe that we can all experience this shift while awake but you need to feel really tired or sleepy. Three in the afternoon seemed the perfect time for me to encounter this.  It also meant that I had to sit perfectly still for about 45 minutes and allow myself to drift.  My eyes were always closed.  I was most often awake.  Once the buzzing veil fel down around me, I could get up.  I would feel entirely refreshed and the pain would have lifted.  For longer and longer periods, I was able to relieve myself of this pain.  I later found that the pain was merely an association that i was making with a given type of energy.  I too was tuning in the pain.  I began to tune it out.  And it went away.

One of the biggest releases I had with the pain was a pain I felt in my heart.  This one was very hard.  When I began feeling it, it felt as though my physical heart was somehow encased in a rough stone coffin. The soft heart muscle would scrape against the rough insides of this stoney exterior.  It felt exactly like this. One day I managed to drop this material away at a point when I felt like I was at the end of my rope emotionally.  I was shown a memory from a past life where I had wound up blaming myself for a lot of people in my village who had gotten hurt.  While I was not directly involved, I blamed myself.  I also suspect other people also sought to blame me.  It was a peculiar kind of pain to feel.  But its had been with me since about the 1400's and in that moment, wen the material was allowed to drop, my insides felt relief from this hurt for the first time in centuries.  The heart center was liberated, and was beaming with something I can only describe as joy. It almost hurt from all this joy flowing through it.  It was as though a golden sun was shining inside of me.  This intense feeling persisted for about three days and even now I can focus on my heart and it will begin to shine in this same exact way.

Releasing pain and lessening painbody is merely removing yourself from thinking or identifying with the pain to begin with.  It isn't that you ignore what happened, its more that you realize there isn't anything you can do about it now. Its in the past.  We need to focus on now, not on something that happened so long ago.  And yet, for obvious reasons, we do.  Intent is the single most powerful tool that you can use to begin this process.  By using intent you don't even need to know HOW you are going to release it, only that you want to.  By being disciplined, you can choose the positive over the negative.  Depending on how ingrained this hurt has been, you can slowly replace hurt with joy.  This is not an overnight remedy, but its possible to have successes in the exact same way I did; these healings can happen in a glimmering, so be ready for the possibility.

Sometimes having a practice can help.  If this helps you, you can use breathwork as well as a meditative state to help bring you to the place within where change can take place.  You can imagine your painbody shrinking in size.  You can also simply feel into the calm centered bliss of the energy that flows through you.  Breath work will help to silence the mind. It can also help your own energy to flow more freely and in a less tight and chaotic way.  There is no secret to this breathwork except that long breaths in and out seem to be the most profundly relaxing since they seem to remind us that we are relaxed.  Afterall, slow and deep breathing mimics how we breath when we are asleep and at our most relaxed.  The body tends to follow how we feel and we can trick the mind into thinking its relaxed through this type of breathing.  Its simple but effective.  By simply feeling the good vibes that come from relaxation, you will be doing exactly what you need to cultivate the kinds of feelings that will help distance you from this pain.

When you do breath work, you can also imagine that your energy is going out with your breath and that you are taking in new energy, gradually replacing the old energy with good clean energy.  I often imagine pretending I am the sand along the beach and the water will come up and wash away all the junk in the sand....over and over the waves will flow into me and then out of me, and I feel cleared  I do this many times over a period of weeks, even months.  The effects are all very positive.  These can become the first cracks in a fascade that has needed some attention for a good while.  You owe it to yourself to feel better.

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