Marks Of My Awakening - Pt II

NOTE: This is part two of a two-part work that details the marks that have emerged on my body throughout my awakening process.  I am finally including this information here in the hopes that if anyone else encounters them that they can rest assured that they are not losing their minds and that all is well.  If you are finding this and would like to read the first installment please look at the previous post before this one for that.

I want to reiterate that everything that you are going to see here was in no way faked or created in order to make this claim.  All of the marks occurred all within the context of awakening.  I have held onto these images for ten years, uncertain about ever posting them.  I am doing so because by now I have had two people who have written to me to tell me about their experience with similar looking marks (one of whom who was kind enough to send me photos).

Continued from the previous...

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When I awoke and saw this burn on my hip, I was at a complete loss as to how to explain any of this.  How had I managed to burn myself and never even notice?  If I had burned myself, I reasoned, whatever had burned me would have burned through my clothing. I would have noticed this kind of burn.  It would have been a circular or semi-circular object.  I would have clothing that was burned through near the hip.  As I searched memory, I had not been in the kitchen or near anything that was hot enough to create a burn like this.  It just wasn't adding up the morning I got up and saw the mark plain as day as I sat on the side of the bed before my feet hit the floor.   I knew there was no way I could have gotten burned just lying in bed asleep.  No sharp objects, no chemicals had come into contact with my body in the last week. And a burn?  I would have noticed it.  I would have felt it.  I would feel it throbbing, begging me to put something on it to ease the pain. This was a complete mystery!

Over the course of the next couple of days I shot the same mark several different times in a variety of different light just to make sure that I had captured it.  Had I been branded? A friend later suggested that maybe I had been branded, but perhaps branded by spirit. Had I been taken out and abducted?  Why a burn?  And why didn’t it hurt?  Why didn’t it behave like a burn?  It simply faded over a period of about three days with no marks, no scaling of the skin, no itching, no scarring at all.  There was no evidence of bruising or abrasion either. It was a complete mystery…at least as the time.

Below, see a close-up of the mark.


The Second Mark

The next photo is of a mark that manifested in 2012 after I experienced a powerful heart clearing.  This was the third such clearing that I was aware of, which suggested to me that this was the third kosha, level, or dimensional aspect to be impacted through the clearing process that kundalini helped to facilitate.  In the case of the mark at my heart chakra, it took a number of days before this mark emerged. Prior to that, I felt a powerful magnetic effect of energy surrounding my heart center that I can only describe as a beaming energy that was moving outward from my heart center.  It is worth noting that I had two years prior to this had an experience with an angelic being who reached into my heart center in a kind of psychic surgery where he pulled out what felt like a part of my insides.  All of this was energetic in nature, but felt very physical at the time.  While he had his hand in my heart center, I was on fire with an unbelievable pulse of love that radiated throughout my entire being at a pitch that I could scarcely believe was even possible.  It was this experience that initiated a series of powerful heart openings that continued over the following three years that resulted in a number of releases of old ancestral, physical, karmic, and emotional material from my field of awareness.  Once the release came that resulted in the mark in my heart center, my heart felt more different than it ever had.  It felt as though I had a beaming light shining from the center of my heart.






This mark began as a single circle and over a period of months as my heart center grew or expanded, a second lighter circle developed on top of the first.  This had the effect of two hoops or circles making a figure “8” on my chest.  I did not take photos of this new or expanding of the mark on my body.

I noticed that when I looked at it in the mirror over that year that the circle took one a look as though it was a circle with many smaller flames encircling it.  It reminded me a lot of the image of Shiva dancing and being surrounded by a circle of flame.  In fact, this mark was different from the first in that it was more like a series of marks making up a circle.  It also has the effect of being like a string of red burn-like marks strung together, which the picture above illustrates.  Again, this mark did not come about as a result of a fungal infection like ringworm or psoriasis and has been a mark that at various times reemerges when I am moving strong heart energy. I can in fact feel its presence all the time, but it gets stronger at different times. Besides the burn mark shown earlier, I have never had these strange burn marks that I could not account for.   If anything, the marks are more like the result of my body being slightly irritated by the energy across the skin, perhaps more like how electricity might burn the body more than anything. Could this be a reaction to strong pranic energy flowing through the heart chakra?  It’s interesting to me that it is so small; this ring feels like it corresponds to the central channel, the shushumna as it transits through the heart chakra because my heart chakra takes up nearly my entire chest now.  There is an emergence of the most brilliant part of the heart center that starts at the center of my chest and radiates outward.  This ring corresponds to this most intense center of energy (and might be a slight overloading of energy that irritates my skin?).

What I do find interesting is that in my inner work I discovered a characteristic of prana while working with a Kahuna healer one day.  When I am having her work on me, I feel very relaxed and secure and I often drop into a deep trance state in the hopes of facilitating the energy she is moving in my body.  As I looked down into my meridian system I noticed something I had never seen before, which was that each energy line was surrounded by a series of other lines, like a bundle of fiber optic cables surrounding a central sheath.  The mark on my chest is very similar to how the channel looked when viewed in cross-section (I am able to use the inner eye to get all kinds of views of my body ethereally, including what is essentially a cross section view). But I don’t know if this is connected to this discovery I made with my healer or not, and will be something that I will be bringing up with healers in my area to see if we can develop this further to see if these bundles can be further looked at to work out ways to work with them for moving energy and for healing work. So much to ponder and consider!   All of this, no larger than the size of a dime.  This is one reason why I think that this mark corresponds to the central channel and not the entire chakra because in both the Indian and the Chinese methodologies, the channels are described as quite small.  The Ida and Pengali (which are nadi, or channels, for prana) are said to be as thin as the hair of a boar, for example.  Each of the spots or flames are themselves closer to that size while the central core or inner circle is more in line with the shushumna channel size.  I bring this all up because this might possibly be a way to study the anatomy of the energy body (until a scientist or engineer gets curious enough to build a device that can detect and read prana in the body!). So given this size of these channels, does this circular mark correspond to the diameter of the center channel, the shushumna?



If you would like to learn about the nadi, which are many, and the larger system of energy that transmits prana throughout the body you can begin with a pretty good wiki article first.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadi_(yoga)

What I have noticed is that my chest continues to feel different.  It even seems to have had an effect on how my skin reacts to this energy.  Radiant, glowing almost, there is an abiding presence of all that I have worked to bring forward within myself.  The energy, though, seems to have a slight irritating effect, which is mild, but is ever-present.  Sometimes it can lead me to want to scratch or rub it, which can also make it sore very easily.  I have to remind myself not to touch it, but to be aware of it, to feel what this all represents and the change that it has brought into my life.

Marks Are Not A Given Nor A Necessity

I don’t think that you have to have ANY physical manifestations of awakening in your life to prove anything about your awakening experience.  In fact, the central phenomenon of awakening that is most important to my mind is the Presence that emerges and never goes away, which is itself, at least to me, a higher dimensional aspect of who and what we are potentially, and that this Presence can help to bring great change in our lives if we allow it to do its work.  This Presence can bring awareness if we can be humble and if we can be honest with ourselves.  Then, it burrows deeper into us, integrating and clearing as it goes.  Resist, and it too will cease its development, its movement ever-deeper.

I also consider the great likelihood that I may have been a mystic Christian in an earlier life and either knew of, or experienced, some aspect of stigmata before, and this may be part of why I am experiencing these marks as I have in this life. Or not.  I will give you a couple of examples of how past life experience can inform our experience in the here and now (hoping its not too far a jaunt off our beaten path of the marks of awakening).

Thirty years ago, in an effort to project consciousness out of my body, I was approached by a serpent with the face of a man where the face of the snake should have been. This serpent was coiled and was floating in the air.   This face looked decidedly Mayan.  In the projection, I was being told that I needed to project my consciousness into the form of the snake. I looked at it and thought how odd an image that was, because I knew about a Mayan God name Quetzalcoatl, but always imagined it to be a winged or feathered serpent, not a floating serpent with a man’s head.  I wondered why it was that I would experience this image, obviously connected to Quetzalcoatl, in the way I had.  There was a reason for it, I just didn't know what it was, at least not right away.  Later in life, however, I would have a series of dreams that revealed to me that I had lived as a Mayan in the Yucatan Peninsula and probably had some experience with this same god.  In my studies in art school, I came across a nearly identical image of Quetzalcoatl I had not seen before in the Museum of Natural History in Mexico City that depicted him in just the same way I had seen him during my projection work.  I also read later about Quetzalcoatl and found out that the priests who worked with this being were said to be visited by this god and would be taken on spirit journeys. Curious, that, I thought.  It was exactly what I was being told to do when I was younger, yet I knew nothing about Quetzalcoatl.  Not at least in this lifetime (and not until I took a course in college later simply because my curiosity had been piqued). And in still another interesting turn, that lifetime spent in the jungles of Palenque would bear upon many things that would take place in a life in the future which is the life I am living now with the whole “end” of the Mayan calendar-round in 2012.  Life is not without its interesting coincidences, and seems to be woven into a dynamic fabric where one life informs another in useful and coherent ways.

In an odd twist, I also found out a year after my experience with the seraphim that visited me while reading up on Christian mystics that there was an account written about a seraph who visited one Christian mystic which was strikingly similar to my own experience.  The mystic was St Theresa of Avilla. Theresa wrote about her experiences, and the account was similar, right down to the side that the angels would come to her and how the seraphim had pulled her insides out of her while she was “on fire with a great love of God.” While Theresa offers no insight into why the angel did this to her, I suspect that this was nothing short of a kind of “operation” performed in the etheric with the matter of the meridians, prana, or chi as the substances or systems that were being worked on.  All of this sounds crazy of course, unless you have seen and felt these systems for yourself.

Ecstacy of Saint Theresa by Bernini, Santa Maria della Vittoria, Rome

What I am saying is that I think that we may have a predilection toward certain experiences over others depending on our own turn of mind, reincarnation background, beliefs, and our constitution.  Some of us may need this “surgery” while others may not.  Some of us may “remember” the lost or ancient gods and goddesses as they seem to make a return to us in this age.  If I could count the number of people who I know who have had some significant experience with Isis, I would have a large room full of people who all know an important aspect of this woman who once walked the earth, who taught, and who was revered above mere saint and reached goddess status.  Lying deeper within us are these memories.  We are often just too busy or unaware that they exist.  Awakening can be enough to shake them loose in us and bring us face to face with these forces in the healing and resurrection that is this experience.

For some time, I have resisted putting these images up because I suspected that there would naturally be those who would be skeptical.  However, I know I am not the only one, and I place these images not for the skeptics, but for those who may have had unusual or baffling physiological changes taking place within them that might seem alarming or strange to them. While all of this takes place in the context of a grand sort of unraveling and rebirth and a coming to know one’s self in a new or expanded way, we also remain physical creatures with our own frailties sometimes.  Everything is as it should be.  And things will continue to change along a path that is certain and for your own betterment.  Believe in yourself, your own inner voice, and the authority placed there by the divine!  The universe, while neutral, is set up to allow you to succeed if you just know how to be authentically in the world. Others might not understand it, or might not even get it.  And this is, in its own way, part of how things are.

Finally, and lastly, I would add that for some time I considered that this phenomenon might not be unlike some of the burn marks that are common amongst those who have experienced abduction phenomenon.  I hesitate to put it too front and center in all of this because of how loaded all of this is. Having a few things in my own past experience that have made me wonder about the nature of my et experiences in my earlier life, I often consider the very possibility that some of the et encounters are themselves not entirely physical and belong to a range of experiences not unlike those experienced in awakening.  That is, that they may be a form of out of body experience, or inner “synthetic” reality which the ancients knew and wrote about at some length. Now I know that for some people, these are traumatic experiences and it can be hard to hear someone suggest blithely and perhaps unknowingly that they might not somehow be entirely physically real in the normal sense.  But I ask you; what is real?  Do you actually know what is real?  It is curious to me that the early Christians (Jesus in his “secret” teachings to his disciples) knew about these beings and described them as a spiritual agency that behaved more like spiritual parasites than god-like beings (although they behave in both cases as if they are on this kind of level). While mainline Christianity barely mentions them, the newly discovered documents in the Nag Hammadi do, and it is there, in the Hypostasis of the Archons that so much can be discovered about them and how similar they are to our modern et experience in certain strands of the phenomenon.  What books like this describe is a phenomenon with beings that fit the modern et abduction scenario perfectly, and are too similar one to the other to dismiss out of hand.  I suspect that in these cases, we may have a presence that is psychic or spiritual in nature that could be so present and powerful enough to create effects in us in just the same way that hypnotists have been able to cause burn marks to emerge on their subject’s bodies.  It is also likely or possible that what we have seen is a kind of transiting between dimensions so that physical dna can be taken, while in other cases, their presence is more of an internal nature.  What is sure is that these beings behave more like shape-shifters than anything we normally know in our world.

I know that such a mention might seem far afield to you, but I suspect that all of these things may cross at a place where body and mind might have a lot to tell us about ourselves and the capacity for us to release or express hidden or submerged memory, emotion, or knowledge when a thought or feeling contains sufficient force to manifest in these ways.  And it is here that burn marks emerge along with a few minor other types of markings as well.  We may yet be only on the edge of understanding the full breadth of what all of this means or is about.

So the marks of my awakening are my own.  Others have experienced them, and still others may experience them in the days, months, and years to come.  I simply want you to know that all is well, it’s just your body expressing a truth or a knowing or awareness that it needs to get out for your conscious mind to see.  In the case of my first burn mark, this took place just prior to the full rise of kundalini.  However, I will remind my readers that my awakening was gentle and gradual (taken in phases or steps).  I had a six-month period where the full power of awakening was released in distinct stages through my own inner practice and hearing a voice inside of me that guided me.  I was brave enough to not think I was going crazy and I listened to that “voice” or inner prompting.  As a result, it led to what I think was a much gentler form of awakening that could help others to awaken more peacefully and with less worry or fear.  And still, even then, it was quite a wild ride because….well….kundalini.

Finally, in sum, I would like to add one small point that might be why the first mark emerged as it did.  Ten years after that mark emerged on my right hip, at a time when I had removed layer after layer of piled on junk from my consciousness, I found myself at a place where I felt like I had reached nearly the end of the material I had worked so diligently to remove after this decade of inner work.  As this vista came into view, I have noted that it is in this same location in my body that the single most difficult block has remained. I have learned a lot about what this represents in the esoteric systems that describe it.  This is the point, an acupuncturist once observed, that resided along a meridian line that was tied to the gall bladder.  Being solar in character, it could create specific digestive problems aligned with this hot or solar energy (which I have had throughout awakening related to bouts of nausea and even diarrhea in the first six months of the awakening process).  Here in the hip, so close to the root chakra, along the yang energy line, we have masculine energy stuck in a realm having to do with nurture and a sense of safety, and personal abundance.  Here, too, is very likely the emotion of both fear as well as anger, stopped up in a block, held in tension without a place yet for the psyche to know how to let it go, and which can be felt as an almost physical sensation which no physical doctor would be able to ever detect unless the block were to manifest as a physical condition such as illness.  So in the last few weeks I have received guidance on the inside that has told me what next I need to do to neutralize this last block.  This is ultimately bringing in the feminine yin to balance the masculine and neutralize the block and to heal this last rift which has been so stubborn.  I suspect that blocks can be this way; the easiest and least activated are likely to go first while the more dug in and most activated ones remain until the end.  But by the time that day comes and one block remains in a field that has been cleansed, having even the stubbornest of blocks does not feel like an impossible feat to remove.  I know that when I can bring up all the right feelings that I need to both acknowledge and move through, this block, like the hundreds before it, will also go into the ether as it is transmuted back into a clear and brilliant body that has been my life work here these past number of years.  And maybe the crescent holds some symbolic meaning for me. It might have been the image of the seers of old, or emblazoned on the heads of priestesses and priests in Atlantis, Egypt, or pre-Christian Europe. Perhaps once this cycle is complete, I might just find out.  Until then, it’s for me a sign of the times playing out on the intelligence of my body.
Until next time...


©Parker Stafford, all rights reserved. No part of this work may be copied or republished without consent of the author.

Marks Of My Awakening - Pt. 1

Over the course of my awakening my body has had a habit of expressing itself as kundalini has unfolded.  I have up until this point not posted the pictures from these curious effects, although I wrote about them a few years ago. Since then, my reservations about publicly documenting this phenomen have subsided significantly. Instead of keeping them to myself, I am making them available not as novelty, but to aid both in a broader understanding of the phenomenon, as well as to assist those who may have been similarly affected. It might also serve to calm concerns about other symptoms of awakening, too, which is a very regular occurance since search terms are a part of the stats that I see here on WTI. I put this here for broadening awareness and understanding.
In my reading about the symptoms of awakening, having physical manifestations of awakening appear to be uncommon.  They are not unheard of, though.  U.G. Krishnamurti (that Krishnamurti...there were two of them sharing a similar experience but both were very different from each other), for example, described how during a certain phase of the awakening of kundalini  he had a series of physical effects that were witnessed by others.  There were swellings of the skin, his neck flared out in a hood-like effect people described as like a cobra.  In one case, he developed a breast on his yin and Shakti side of his body (left). (1)

A Shared Experience

On my other blog, Divine Alignment, which is on the blogspot platform, I wrote about my experience a few years ago and someone wrote to comment that she had had a similar experience that involved the same shaped mark as my own, which was a crescent shaped burn that appeared out of nowhere and then quickly faded once it was noticed.  What is interesting here to me is that her mark was close to her heart, she described it as being on her right shoulder.  When I think about the energetic polarities of the masculine and feminine, the root in the male is polarized positively (transmittive) while the male heart is negatively charged (receptive).  The energetic circuit for the woman is exactly the opposite.  I have often wondered if what she and I experienced was part of the same spectrum of experience, but that hers would naturally manifest at a transmittive center along the torso like mine, except in reverse.  In the case of the person who had searched the web and had found my post, she explained that she had been practicing a projection technique in order to have an OOBE.  While her experience was not couched in a kundalini experience, OOBE’s are themselves part of a range of human experience that can put a person in touch with divine energetics and the energy of consciousness.  Both of us appeared to be in the early stages of a spiritual process.

The first mark, which came just prior to the full rise of kundalini, appeared after I awoke one morning in the early Spring of 2007.  What was so curious about the burn mark was its position and the fact that I had not had any contact with anything hot that could have caused the burn.  This mark lasted for about three days and faded away.  It left no scar, and at no point did it ever hurt or behave as a normal burn would.  I realized that if I had gotten a burn like the mark on my skin, I would have been in pain for a few days and the scar would have scabbed over after several more days.  It simply made no sense, all things being equal.

I have thought about this phenomenon and what I am most certain of is that whenever there is strong psychological material that is rising to the surface of feeling or thought, the body can manifest a whole range of effects.  I was put in mind of what Christian saints would experience in ecstatic experiences which most often would happen while in a trance state while experiencing visions of Jesus or Mary, for example.  This phenomenon is known as stigmata.  While many stories about stigmata strike some as self-inflicted, there have been some cases of stigmata where witnesses saw the marks manifest before them.  As strange as all of this may seem, I think that it is not so unusual given the ability of the body to manifest thought very well.  Take for example how subjects placed in a deep hypnotic trance will, when told they are being touched by a red hot poker, will produce welts and blisters moments after they are touched lightly with a pencil and believe that the pencil is in fact just what they are being told it is.

The Marks

I have decided to make these images available in the event that anyone else out there has found themselves similarly affected.  And for those who have not gone through this, it can serve to illustrate the broad range of what can happen in awakening.  The following photo is of the burn mark on my right leg near my hip. There were several photos taken of this burn over a period of a few days.  It is worth pointing out that the burn had a center that was brighter than its surrounding, if you will notice, there is a lighter band surrounding a redder center.  When I get burned normally, the object tends to leave a fairly uniform burn of the skin across its surface. This burn is almost more in line with a radiant burn rather than contact with an object directly on the skin.  A closeup of the same burn follows.


Because of the length of this post, the remainder of the work is found here along with the rest of the photos of one of the other marks that developed later.  Read the rest of the story in the second part, posted right after this entry (check back soon!).

(1) Krishnamurti U.G. Arms, Rodney, ed. The Mystique of Enlightenment.  Goa, India, Dinesh Vaghela Cemetile Corp. ©1982.

Energy Symptoms

eause of where I am I often pick up on these mass movements of energy which are more the result of the Collective moving than anything else. We want to attribute the sun, planetary movements, but its more the result of a collective interaction going on that isat once very complex and also very simple. Taken at the right dimension, its just a twitch, but taken closer in, its an intense wave.  

And I have been feeling it. 

Nausea is not uncommon when there is a large amount of energy coming through. Most often when kundalini is getting ready to rev up, I get sick to my stomach.  The next day, it hits.  So what do I do to deal with it?

I breathe.  I breathe deep and I allow myself to move into a sense of expansiveness.  I imagine or visualize channels that are wide open.  Nothing is constricted.  I have found over the last couple of days that I am often unconsciously tight or slightly tense without realizing it. When I relax, I then find I relax even deeper, and I keep going into it until all is flow. Its surprising just how deep you can take it or how deep you can go into it.  And its very very good.  So try to breathe while holding one nostril closed for four or five breaths and then reverse and do the same for the other; if you were feeling a little uptight before, chances are you will be much more relaxed once you are done.  If you are not relaxed, you either need to get quieter in your mind or/and do another set of the alternating nostril breathing.  

For me, because of kundalini, bliss has been going off the chart.  This is tantric energy and it can get challenging to deal with it in a way that is constructive.  Again, the same operative applies;  I bring the energy upwards and feel myself doing these panting breaths that I was shown one night while in meditation. Its maybe funny, but I was shown the image of a large cat; a jaguar.  In it, the cat breathed in a panting sort of way.  I found much to my surprise that I could move vast amounts of energy this way.  Imagining the cat also helped somehow.  For me. You might be different. Being Native American before, this animal stuff comes naturally to me.  To each ones own. Its all blessed if it bears you to where you need to be.  

I find that I am visualizing a means for releasing the energy.  I feel it flowing out of my hands and into a goddess form.  In truth, the image is not very clear for me because I am in truth feeling an essence more than a form, something so broad and expansive that its seems to ripple out beyond comprehension, which is what all consciousness does.  For me, the essence does it.  I am touching the collective feminine and this takes the energy the easiest and most gracefully. I am grounding and flowing a current from the sky, which I am, into the earth, which is the feminine. For someone else, it could be any number of other images.  Perhaps seeing energy as a water stream flowing out to the sea.  

For me, this tends to increase energetic potential, and none of it is negative.  It can be challenging when the tantric flow is upped three or four fold. Imagining the energy moving strongly helps to eliminate the harder feelings and helps to clear up nausea as well as fuzzy head, inability to concentrate, etc.  

Bests to you….

Awake

So you wonder about awakening.  Some say ascension.  Its meeting the soul mirrored in the world, a place where science and magic meet, where the rational and irrational merge into a wondrous new thing everyone is trying to describe or explain.

Some say its sun spots….or solar flares.  This is beautiful and perfect, for certainly this hints at the great connection we all share and have with the world.  But this is certainly connected to larger things, but more of it is the Collective humanity shifting and moving. You will begin feeling this once you awaken.  Perhaps before.  I was not aware of it like after I awoke, I will just be honest.  Before, it was more an idea.  A great perfect kind of idea.  But an idea.  Like a photo.  Not the real thing.  And then it woke up inside of me.

Time began doing VERY weird things.  And if you observe this in others exhibiting similar symptoms, you will find some interesting correlations between people.  This is perhaps why some want to say its the sun or something….impacting us all. But imagine the Collective Consciousness of humankind going through energetic bursts.  It would effect all of us who are attuned to it.  Some to greater and lesser degrees.  And what we call awakening does not have an exact demarcation for where it begins or ends. I approached for some six months wherein I had loads of interesting symptoms before the RUSH hit me. Light effects, time slips, rushes of energy, tingling, sweeping, third eye stuff….

Then the feeling of wanting to be of some service.  It becomes a preoccupation.  Slowly, as the awakening clears and cleanses, the things that were less then perfect are refined in ways you could only imagine.  What I once thought of as my very generous nature was revealed to have a hitch….and I worked on that….and it was a big deal because it meant doing things differently and the people on my life did NOT like that.  they punished me big time.  I tell myself; their choice, their karma—-how I respond is also my own karma so I try to be careful.  And as the service thing moves along as I change I keep asking the question; to what end?  Who saves another except that we save ourselves? That is what this dynamo is quietly saying while gently supporting all life and awareness with access to its limitless potential.  Its like we have this inheretance that we forgot we even had.  And there it is. But I have to admit I ask:  to what end?  Once you give it all up, you gain it all.  In letting go, the All is yours.  

And what was a twin becomes a karmic entanglement that will push you beyond what you ever could believe was possible.  But the universe does not ask you to change your mind.  You have to do that.  And as you do, the universe changes.  What universe do you want to see?  Change your mind and you will see it.  It will become that for you, as beggars become kings. 

And always, the greatest love.  Not a love FOR anyone or anything, but a force so powerful, like a bell struck through the universe now ringing in you.  It is less a feeling FOR as it is a force that you are.  And this is a leap.  for me, it was a leap.  A hard one. It matched the whole ego collapse thing.  You almost have to in order to feel it fully.  Ego limits.  So it goes to the edges.  Hangs out in the small back kitchen and makes notes and mutters to itself.  Its very good at being at the edges.  

So sitting here, the universe flowing through, I keep asking; to what end? 

The Point

Waking up and moving beyond old hurts is about building awareness.  There comes a time when you either are or are not aware that the pain and tightness felt is the result of your own misalignment with your divine flow.  Its not that you are bad.  Its that you have allowed material that is inconsequential to your infinite or Essential Self to come between you and it.

People who awaken often have all kinds of symptoms of pain which isn't anything that medicine can diagnose.  Many go home with some prescription or other, but it never solves the problem.  These issues often clear up in time, but only once kundalini helps to identify and bring awareness that its not your BODY that is feeling this, but its your energy body.  In chinese medicine, pain and trauma gets lodged in the energy field.  The idea that we push stuff down is true.  it isn't just in the brain or head.  Its all through us.  Things of a sexual and nurturing nature get lodged in the root.  Issues related to our sensuality are in the sacral.  Issues concerning our individuality are in our gut.  The heart is about our ability to sense in an instinctive way what truth is, divine truth...as well as the pulse of love.  Our throat chakra is involved with being heard and speaking our truth.  And on and on it goes.  These chakras are aligned to feelings because of vibratory frequencies involved in each center.  Taken together, these centers form a complete octave, a kind of range of colors in vibration that make a rainbow.  Its energy and like attracts like.  So naturally, as you become aware, you can feel how your stomach is tight, or how your root is unsettled and tight.  When this happens, it can help you to identify what you are doing with your thoughts and feelings.  It can make you more self aware.  It can help you to learn to get beyond those feelings, and fill that space with a better feeling. FEELING.  Not emotions, though.  We have emotions, and they can often be just as unsettled as our karmas....are often inculcated right alongside our karmas, our attachments to hurts and old old trauma.  This can go back for lifetimes, often resulting in a repeating pattern that is a bit of a rut.  The great thing is this rut can be healed in just one lifetime.  Sometimes in moments.  If you are aware and ready to let go of that old investment.  Problem is, our pains often define us.  It seems kind of crazy, but we are all this way.  And in so being, the way to healing is with a healthy does of compassion and understanding.  For all of us. 

This is about stripping down to nothing.  Then, when you have all the dross of this world removed, you can build based on what your higher self offers.  Your higher self is the parent, is the father and mother that Jesus spoke of (the mother got swept under the rug, but in recently discovered texts he DOES say mother/Holy ghost, which was known as the feminine aspect of the divinity).  Others speak of the same thing.  Your insides are dying to feel into this broad range of being that will flow instead of feel stopped up.  Learning to listen to your inner parentage, your higher self which is both masculine and feminine, is an important tool in developing freedom.  Sadly, the Christian tradition could not allow the feminine her place…..but when you heal the rift between your masculine and feminine, you will FEEL your masculine and feminine in your higher self much more clearly.  There is a lot of work to do, so do not be fooled you have it licked.  You don’t.  You are just a very young being compared to your higher self.  Your higher self has this licked.  Learning to listen to it will never lead you astray.  But most people are clueless about how to do this.  Or how the role of the creative can get them out of the log-jam of their pain and suffering.

Learning to cast awareness is the first step.  Understanding that all that comes between you and the infinite is karmic.  Much of this is so close to you that its hard to see.  There is no work; this is a misunderstood illusory thing.  The only work there is is in letting it all go.  And how do you do that?  Grace.  There is another way to understand it, but I have said it over and over until I am blue.  I am now feeling other colors would be nicer for me.  You do not need a teacher.  The teacher is in you.  What you need is someone who will remind you of your vast storehouse of potential.  What trips you up?  Kundalini?  Nonsense.  You know better than that.  That’s victim talk.  What trips you up is you.  And if you realize that this is true, then what is it in your that is causing all the tripping?  Are you the least bit curious?  If you are, then getting to understand that everything that remains for you in your “process” is entirely inside you.  It is also reflected outside of you in the world, but don’t be fooled into thinking that this reflection IS the reality.  It isn’t.

The Law of Attraction means you will attract the same based on where you are, what you are.  the people in your life reflect all of this.  If you are looking for a teacher and you cannot find awareness, your teacher will also have problems with awareness.  So where will this get you?  The true authority is within you.  You must learn how to grab the can opener and open your own cans.  Otherwise, you give your power over to someone who will rob you of your wealth inwardly.  We have ALL been doing this for centuries.  That is another story.

Learn to feel, learn about grace, and remember what you are.  You are infinite.  Let go.  The universe is calling.