Why Feeling Is Key In Awakening

Most of the problems people have in an awakening are related to holding onto an old accepted structure within the psyche that actually has served to LIMIT the awareness of the divine pulse, what I call Waveform Awareness, which is just like the particle/wave duality expressed in physics.  I write about this in earlier blog entries as a way to simplify how this works, realizing that it is a system, a method for understanding (but which is free from dogma and which applies to observable phenomenon).  We use the individual self as expressed through ego to hold firm to our old ways of being, not realizing that we just need to be different, we need to learn to FEEL differently.  But there is stuff underlying why it is we have trouble with feeling so deeply into the Infinite, in the the Waveform Awareness that is our birthright.

You are composed of a huge number of karmic attachments which kundalini serves to help you to release.  Everyone who has gone through kundalini will have had some degree of experience with how this intelligent energy moves to do this. Gopi Krishna himself went through a terrible time because of these egoic structures that resisted the flow of the Infinite in him. It created night terrors, pain, and anxiety.  He feared he might even die. I know these issues all too well, having been through them.  What changed things was my awareness of letting go of my attachment to old karma.  Self esteem issues, fearing not being loved by others, all of which served to distort the truth inside which is that we ARE perfect, that we ARE loved (we are this love), and the way to the Infinite wasn’t through some outside agency telling us we were okay but tapping the Infinite, the Waveform Awareness.  If you have all these emotional issues running around inside of you, they will block your awareness of them.  You can glimpse them, certainly, because kundalini does this, but until you pull the plant or karma out by its roots, it will continue to grow and cause you problems.  Your awareness will keep going to the issue, unresolved in you as it is, instead of being free to focus on the bliss and beauty that is your own soul.  The problem about feeling is that our emotions can get in the way since they rest alongside the channel to the infinite, which is our feeling centers.  These attachments have a life within us, almost like a subroutine in computer code;  it rests there until activated and then will run through its routine until it is done, ready to be activated by the right code/event.

You are a bundle of these little routines alive in you.  Most of the ones that cause you the most trouble are ones that you have shoved down deep into your subconscious.  This is the nature of trauma.  In fact, if the trauma is severe enough, you will even forget about the events of the trauma for months, even years.  This is a protective element of your psyche, but it also means that some things can remain submerged for a long time, or partially submerged, with the person being unable to get at the material enough to deal with it, or to know its even there.  Awareness is key, and kundalini can help drive this.  It is equally true that you don’t have to know that a given trauma has been released.  Sometimes something just falls away, you feel it as it happens, and you focus on how good it makes you feel as whatever it was is now gone for good, taken out by its root. The problem is that feeling is not rational, and kundalini is not about anything rational in the normal sense.  Its about the infinite.  Its about everything.  Under its broad sky, you can feel all the other people awakened on the planet.  You can feel into the past as if it were the present and feel the countless pilgrims and followers as they prayed and leaned into the currents of kundalini.  The mind and ego seeks to know, but the soul resides in everything and so identifying this or that issue or problem just isn’t a concern to the soul.  Merely forgiving it all to reach the All is what its all about.  Inner peace, joy, and bliss.  As the individual learns how to be effected by this larger self, this Infinite Self, it is like a child learning from its parent how to be. It slowly molds and forms that self so that it is in a better place to channel the power of the Cosmos.  It can’t do this as effectively with all these subroutines or issues at work within the self.
Many people will feel fear over kundalini as it washes over them.  The fear is not the kundalini, the fear is the person reflecting their own fracturing in the face of such a powerful energy.  Uncertainty arises about whether it will take them over (yes it  will) and like a lover, it seeks to entirely seduce you….but you cannot be seduced if you are hanging on for dear life, fingers clenched at the edges of the river as this mighty force seeks to wash you away.  “But everything I know will surely be washed away if I let go!”  cries the ego self.  And it is true.  All that it held dear WILL be washed away, and yet, the self will remain because individuality is as immortal as the soul.  But the ego does not know this.  It fear extinction.  Many will experience nightmares, all reflections of their own fears exaggerated and highlighted by the presence of kundalini.  Little surprise that kundalini will release vast amounts of the fear drug into the body; adrenaline.  When this began ina whole new way in my own body, it was extremely hard.  I had no other choice but to sit quietly as all I wanted to do was to leap out of my own skin.  Kundalini was teaching me how to conquer fear.  It took a while.  Slowly, though, desperately, even, I found a path to bliss even in the midst of the harshest environment, which was fear, all highlighted by adrenaline.  You see, the adrenaline served a purpose; it was like a microscope making all my small unnoticed fears obvious to my waking mind, to my very being.  No more ignoring it. Just as I had experienced a long march of all of my more obvious worries and fears in the beginning of kundalini through dreams about all the things in my life that got to me, so did adrenaline ferret out my more subtle fears that remained lurking.

In a situation such as this, you either hold onto the feeling of fear and the adrenaline continues, or you let go and realize that there is nothing to do but let go, to surrender.  This was like boot camp, Surrender101 for me.  There was nothing to do to wrestle with this fear…..no…nothing to do but to let go.  I developed imagery that involved me sitting in a boat, allowing the tether to the dock to simply go.  Rudderless, I allowed the ocean, which I envisioned as being kundalini, to just take me.  When I did this, when I began to think about things that were tied to the vibration of surrender, things got easier.  I was using the powers of spiritual alchemy to make a change in my physiology.  As a result of this, I was found a pathway for turning fear into bliss.  The vibration of fear contains within it the seed of bliss. We can turn on bliss in our bodies by removing the fear that lies dormant in us.  When we conquer the fear, the path lies open to feel the rush of the Waveform, the Universe in our bodies, both etheric and physical.  It was around this time that I began to have profound openings of my heart that were nothing short of amazing.  As I watched as each one of these happened, I realized each of them was based in choice.  None of this was really mysterious.  Something in me that was not rational nor mental was choosing to open to the universe.  I can only describe it as being a profound desire to open to the universe, like a woman surrenders to her male counterpart, allowing him to come into her, to move all through her, to fill her with his presence and bliss.  I knew that this was the feminine side of kundalini and of my own awareness that made this possible.  This is where understanding the dual role of the masculine and feminine characteristics in the psyche can aid one in an awakening.  Little wonder in out male dominated society that we have such problems embracing the universe in such a deep and profound way.  Maybe we just don’t know how to utilize this very feminine aspect of our being to aid in its happening.  Some people might even feel like it makes them less a man, or a woman might feel it makes her less a woman to bring her masculine characteristics forward in order to balance things in the face of an awakening.

At an early stage in all of this, I began to be aware of presences in my field, all that resolved into very vivid beings that would show up from time to time.  One of these I felt was someone whom I thought of as my zen monk.  He would come into my field of awareness and he would rest calmly asking me quite clearly what I was doing.  I explained I was trying to find this better place within me.  He said there was nothing to do, that the work had already been done.  Countless adherents, he explained, had sought over millenia to find this place, this vibration, and now was the time in our development that all we need do is step into the blueprint laid before us.  Bit by bit, I got the idea. Feeling into this field that was the universe of consciousness, I was aware of every being that was awake like some point of light….all perfect, brilliant, pulsing and aware and serving to feed into this larger awareness. I was even aware of still more that were in the wings awaiting the perfect timing when they too would awaken.  In a moment I could feel how the planet was waking up, that there would be far more people who would undergo this experience.  

We were all individual and yet also part of a Collective Consciousness greater than the sum of its parts.  Here, there was no question; here, there was nothing to do but to soak it all up and let it reform and shape us.  Fear only served to get in the way.  Slowly, ego was pushed to the back of the bus and a different kind of driver took its place.  The need to know where we were going began to diminish.  In fact, the less “I” knew, the better.  By learning I was already attracting events without having to do anything materially, I began to understand that a new arrangement of self was possible that was built on a trust of this larger set of elements that is our divine birthright. I also realized that what I attracted followed by belief, my feelings about a whole world of things.  the key was in changing those feelings so that the universe would begin to reflect back to me events that would be more beneficial to me in my present place in life. To do this meant letting go of a number of things, like self worth (or lack thereof). It always revolved around learning to love myself better, to allow myself to feel what I had refused through feeling all my life.  Somewhere I believed I was not worthy of this love that was inside of me.  The universe was ready to show me its love, and I WAS this universe!  This wasn’t selfish love, but self love, a very important distinction.  Its very much about  growing up spiritually, and about not being so hard on ourselves that we prefer to marinate in crisis and pain instead of joy and love.  When I was able to begin softening these ideas and beliefs, how I felt changed.  And events around me changed.  More and more, unusual and amazing events came into my life unbidden, but secretly wished for, most often in the most amazing timing that its hard to believe.  But unlike C.S. Lewis, who maintained that suffering was God’s way of helping us to grow, I realized in a moment that the suffering wasn’t even necessary.  Suffering was merely the result of all of the memes ABOUT suffering at work within the self that kept the divine bliss at bay.  Remove that, and the universe comes rushing in.  I promise you.  Learning what is eating at you this very moment...all of the material you have pushed back lifetime after lifetime that does not serve you, does not make you happy or content is the journey.  You are on this journey now.  You are not here by accident. 

Feeling is key, but in order for feeling to work well, emotions that are built around hurt and trauma must be forgiven and surrendered.  Being able to no longer judge, to realize that the imperfection is perfect in a way, the shadow dissolves in the face of a still brighter light of the soul.  But without being able to feel into this new world, we remain stuck in the mind and ego, two parts of the self that cannot and will not feel.  They can only analyze.  Using them in awakening is a bit like picking up a screw driver and proclaiming its the screw driver that unlocks the universe.  It is you who does this, and you must use the tool for a very specific purpose.  Beyond that, though, the tool has limited use.  Use it for what it is good for, but do not mistake it for the end-all be all.  The ego is perfect for sitting at the back of the bus, not shunned, but allowed the place it should be in, which is no longer front and center.  the mind can turn on the great mystery of this experience, but it will never plumb its depths.  It can’t.  But your deeper Essential Self can.  And will.

Nemasté

What The Yogi Teaches

“You cannot live by feelings and emotions; you have to live by your intuition and consciousness.”

—

Yogi Bhajan

I have said before that emotion and feeling is the language of the universe, it is the one element that causes the universe to align quickly to what it is you believe, through feeling.  It is not by mind but through feeling that one grasps the infinite.  When one is able to make peace with their feelings that are misaligned with their higher self,  a natural alignment begins to flow and the All is felt in the moment.  Sadly the Yogi is not entirely correct, and perhaps only a perceptual problem, but words have power for they focus the mind.  Words are things, but how we use them determines our vibrational frequency.  Being careful about words is being careful about what one knows and has experienced as the arbiter of what is meaningful.  I know that this sounds very pedantic and stuffy.  But if you think about words and how we ascribe meaning to them, some interesting things float to the top.

Everything is vibration.  Words have it too, but words are vessels.  I can use the same word and get five different meanings out of the same word, all with very different energies.  Its about intent, you see?  I can say “Oh that’s KILLER!”  and we know that I am saying how great something is.  But a killer is also someone who is pretty off, off enough to go on a rampage, right?  Just as we have associations built into words, associations can also lead you absent a deeper knowing into areas that are not so aware of just what it is that you are talking about.  Sometimes the problem people have with the New Age movement is that some words and their use can be vague.  Or feel vague.  When something is vague, it can have a range of associations.  When you do not understand something fully, you can assume things about something that just isn’t so, and it can lead you more into your own illusions and misunderstandings because of the vacuum of meaning, and instead of clearing things up, it only leads to still more misunderstanding as we seek to insert what we believe or feel into the mix. This happens all the time in religious texts because people are bringing what THEY believe, and this is very much built on the Law of Attraction, you see, as we seek to find those things that match us, even if they in truth do not (we often wind up MAKING them fit).  Very often people will want the given religion to serve where they are instead of being served by the teachings to bring them to a better place.  Meanings get corrupted from their original intent as a result of this, and so you can see just how difficult it is for a religion to serve us (one reason why Krishnamurti sought the pathless path which eschewed ANY religion as a result of this thorny problem existing in human nature which is the tendency to move from truth to some distortion of it which winds up reflecting the person’s own collective distortions about how they feel the world is when in fact its just about their own unresolved feelings and notions that have blinded them from the Source of all being….which is beyond all religion, and beyond all words even!). The teachings of some great person or teacher then gets bent to the uses of the individual, you see. This is as it should be because we will always do this, probably as long as we have these distorted lenses of perception at work within us.  We will always seek to find what is meaningful in the moment, and what we find meaningful is based more on our current awareness in the moment, where we are, and those lenses that we have at work in our perceptions.

One very good example of how this all happens, I think, is the gospel of repentance as it has been accepted by mainstream Christianity.  I wont go deep into this, but it has to do with how texts are translated.  Repentance has to do with changing one’s mind, but it also has wound up meaning a lot of different things, which are about punishment and doing bad deeds (and the problem here is not with the deeds but the feeling and thinking that lead to them…deeds are a symptom of something still deeper).  Even the scholars agree that this is so, but what if the followers missunderstood what Jesus meant when he said “Change your way!”  The word “Way” in Greek has an association with the mind, and its entirely possible that Jesus meant “change your mind” as in change how you see things, how you feel about things.  One disciple once asked Jesus how they should treat their enemies and Jesus replied “like they are not your enemies.”  The way you treat others in this situation involves a real change in how you feel, in how you think and react to others.  It is also, not surprisingly, the path to peace.  Considering that Jesus spoke all of his teachings in Aramaic and the gospels we have now are written in Greek, there is enough of a disconnect with the two languages to provide room for interpretation.  The thing to realize about Aramaic is that it is a highly contextual language.  Remember how I used the word “killer!” earlier?  Aramaic is very much this way.  You have to understand what Jesus was trying to get across or you could misunderstand the entire thrust of the teaching.  This is the problem I have had for years with Christian texts from the get-go.  Something bothered me from a very early age about them, and it wasn’t until fairly recently when I began reading some of the gnostic texts that surfaced in Nag Hammadi Egypt in 1945 that a light bulb went off in my head.  Here were texts that were banned by the early church for being heretical. They were ordered burned, and their proponents discredited.  In his article, Rev. Dr. Dave Oester, DD., PhD.  states of the history of the competing viewpoints in the early church:

The Gnostic Gospels have been suppressed for centuries, but when Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code hit the best seller list, people starting asking questions about the man called Jesus. Brown’s novel focuses on the conclusion articulated in Holy Blood, Holy Grail by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, and Henry Lincoln, which is the pseudonym of Henry Soskin.

Their conclusion was that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and fathered a child. They also concluded that there is a secret society known as Priory of Sion (PS) dating back to the First Crusade and the formation of the Knights Templar as its military and financial front. The Priory of Sion protects the royal claimants of the Merovingian dynasty, because they may be the literal descendants of Jesus and his wife, Mary Magdalene.

In addition, the Holy Blood, Holy Grail proposed that the Roman Catholic Church tried to kill off all remnants of this dynasty and their guardians, the Cathars and the Templars, during the dark days of the Inquisition, in order to maintain power through the apostolic succession of Peter instead of the hereditary succession of Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene was descended from King David and high priest Aaron, thus, all male could have laid claim to both the throne and the office of high priest of Jerusalem.

The Gnostics was the flip side of the orthodox Christians. The winners always rewrite history to match their version of events. The same was true when the orthodox sect dominated the Gnostic sects. Rewriting history was easy; anything that Emperor Constantine opposed the bishops rejected from the Council of Nicene in AD 325.

The Gnostic writings suggested lost knowledge about Jesus that was not included in the formation of what we call the New Testament today. These writings suggested the human side of Jesus and that revelation was not acceptable after Jesus was finally elevated to the level of a God in AD 325.

This Gnostic biblical version presented a totally different side to the teachings of Jesus that included the early Orthodox Church policy of bloodshed, corruption, and the genocide of all other Gospel accounts of Jesus not approved by them. In these nearly 100 gospels, too many accounts showed Jesus was just a man that violated the accepted stance of the Orthodox Church.
The debate erupted in a showdown three centuries later when bishops met at the invitation of Emperor Constantine, who provided them with shelter and food. This was the first Council of Nicene where the bishops were told by the Emperor what teachings were acceptable and which were not.

History notes Emperor Constantine as the man who unified the Christian Church. However, this unification had a price. Emperor Constantine ordered any writings in disagreement with the official view destroyed. Huge bonfires lit the evening sky, as Gnostic scrolls were set aflame, much like the Nazis attempt to eradicate the Jews in Germany. Constantine’s unification process meant death to all that presented anything contrary to the official position of the Orthodox Church.

Prior to the Council of Nicene in AD 325, the structure of the orthodox Christian sect had no formalized doctrines and no physical church buildings. They were competing sects among all of the other Christian groups. They took their name from Emperor Constantine, the Roman Catholic Church, meaning the Roman universal Christians. As a reward for supporting the orthodox view, Emperor Constantine gave them their first church building a year later.
Source:  http://www.ghostweb.com/gnostic.html

Since words themselves are vessels for meaning, being able to discern the meaning is important, but if you are talking about something as mysterious as what Jesus was likely talking about, its easy to miss the point entirely.  This is where FEELING comes in.  When  you can FEEL into the message, the gold will always shine in the sand.  Always.  Something in you entirely mysterious yet attuned to the abiding spirit of the thing will show itself not through hearing words always but through feeling.  But how is this? How do we KNOW what someone is trying to say is what we think it is? Behind the words is the intent.  By using your infinite self, without competing static from the earth-bound individual self, you can navigate through feeling.  The thing though, is you have to be able to overcome all of your biases, all based perfectly well in your feelings about how things are or should be, and are all bound up within FEELINGS which themselves are unresolved and which turn in you, keeping greater awareness from happening.  You are getting static from the individual self and it can keep you from glimpsing the broader realm of experience.

I suspect that Yogi Bhajan meant to not let your unresolved emotions to rule you.  I do not know his teachings, but when I feel it, I sense a certain semantic problem….a quibble on one level, but there is an aspect to this that isn’t quite on the mark and goes to understanding all of this, which is untangling the emotional threads that are karmic from your true nature as an infinite self which also FEELS.
Feeling and emotion are so close to one another.  Emotion IS feeling, the ACT of feeling most often, while feeling does not always involve emotion as we think of it.  Pleasure and bliss are things we do not think of as emotions, but they certainly are feelings.  The connection to the Universal Self, the Infinite Self, is through feeling and tends not to be tied up in emotions that are raw, unresolved, hurt, or otherwise. The feeling of the Infinite Self is itself settled within its own bliss and pleasure.  It is perfect, it is not dual, but unified. The smaller self, the individual self reincarnating here on earth is itself dual.  It is the soap bubble awareness that I have written about before in the Particle/Wave duality that is our experience here. So in a sense, Bhajan is correct.  Don’t let your raw emotions rule you.  However, the channel through which you experience your emotions is the same part of you that glimpses and experiences the Universal Consciousness, the Infinite self!

So how do we keep from being tripped up by our emotions?  That, dear reader, is the subject of another blog entry and I hope that you look into it to find out what I have to say because there isn’t much being discussed on the planet right now about how to deal effectively with karma, which for me are those unresolved emotional issues that have tripped us up perhaps from the Beginning of your entire journey on the planet!  This issue is where Awareness is coupled with Grace in a process of relinquishing what may have been an attachment to something that has done little else but cause you trouble and hurt.  Time to surrender the world of this for something far better….

Just as a historical aside, look for my blog Did Jesus Live In India? which looks at a man who had been crucified and who taught in a very similar way to the historical Jesus who lived in India with a woman whose name was Mary.  In fact, there is a grave stone that shows the nail marks in the feet of this individual that are consistent with how the Romans placed the feet together.

How We Perceive The Infinite

In the previous blog entry I mentioned something I call Particalized Awareness and Waveform Awareness.  These are the two ways that we experience the universe.  One is what we feel coming through our senses while the other is what we feel energetically, and what we feel and how we feel it is the subject of this blog entry.

Feeling is much more than mere emotion.  You feel through your energy body, whether you know it or not.  When I was 18 and moved away from home, I began to see energy around people’s bodies. I knew about this phenomenon, and its called reading auras.  Everyone can do this by the way, its not so terribly esoteric.  Its all in knowing you can and knowing what to look for. I was always the most successful at reading auras when I shut off my thinking side.  I found myself just emptying myself of thought and was there observing the energy as it began to resolve in my vision. I would lean into feeling and that was where I began to see auras.  The reality, though, is I never really saw them.  The eyes simply cannot pick up on that wavelength of energy.  But how do we see auras when its so obvious they are being seen?

The answer lies in the fact that we don’t see this energy, we FEEL it.  What is happening is that each person has a field of energy around them and this field serves as an antenna for picking up the subtle energy of others.  We tend to filter this all out in the day to day, but sometimes when we stop the filtering, we can begin seeing or sensing this energy. It turns out that the left brain is the filter that keeps the right brain functions from being as known to us as they would otherwise be.  This is becoming known as we do more research into brain function as well as what happens when the left hemisphere is damaged.  What I have seen in my own awakening is what the neuroanatimists are saying as a result of their findings, which is that when the left brain is damaged, it ceases being a filter for the right brain functions and what results is very often an overwhelming feeling of awakening or samadhi.  This is huge because it shows in a simple and direct way how we have a dual current in us that is first energetic but also tied to consciousness and tied to our very bodies.  This line runs through us from stem to stern.  It is also consistent in how it works.  The Goddess is the right brain, the God is the left.  It is how, thousands of years ago, without the same level of accumulated technical information, it was described.  One felt softer and inclusive and intuitive while the other felt more rational, directional and detail oriented.  And the two?  To get them to work together, they had to merge, to come into union, to be married to one another instead of at odds.  So in a real way we have been silencing the "feminine" side of our consciousness in a very real way through our over-reliance on the left brain functions. And for as simple as this all sounds, and it is simple, it also expands outward through our consciousness to include and draw in many more aspects of our being than just mere brain function!  But the right brain; absolutely is feeling. 

The sensing of it (kundalini and other energetic effects) comes directly through this energy body, but that means that there is no sensory path for it to follow. The trick, though, with picking up on something like this through the energy body is that the brain picks up on the information and doesn’t always know what to do with it exactly.  Remember, a big part of its job is to organize sensory data in a way that makes sense.  Its not unusual that the data gets run through the visual centers because humans are so visual.  Dolphins would likely hear this energy, and dogs, well, they’d SMELL them!  I am a highly visual person, and being an artist adds to that leaning, but seeing them makes sense to me.  Its a kind of trick that happens, but it points to something that is of importance in all of this.  For those who doubt this, consider that there are people who have the unusual trait of tasting color or seeing sounds (and no, these people are not on LSD, although a similar thing can happen when taking this drug).  This might seem to be a big mix up in the brain, but it points to the brain’s ability to put information into different parts of the brain than where they normally belong.  It happens, I think, because its a slot that makes sense for the brain and will help the person to learn to relate to as given sensory input.  So for energy, any sense will probably do since its in truth nonphysical, but its probably all about which center of the brain’s sensing processing that will make the most sense for the person.  So you get that we can FEEL through a direct channel and not the senses, right?  Fact is, though, there will always be a tendency for the brain to get in the act in order to translate what is coming through.  This is why so many people who have awakenings feel incredible body tension or pain.  This is not physical but is referred tension/pain that is interpreted as pain.  It certainly FEELS real at the time, but if you follow the right types of exercises, you will find the pain diminishing until it goes away.  You can’t always do that with pain which is the result of smashing your finger or breaking an arm.  the point here is you have a direct line to the cosmos, and its a very beautiful place.  I am drawing a little road map for you…..

Beyond the world of your five senses is a world of sensing that isn’t physical. Its a world that is picked up on no by senses in the body but something less local, and is tied to feeling.  This is your body.  Actually, more specifically; your energy body.  Since your energy body and physical body are sol closely paired and mirrors of each other in so many ways, they will often feel inseperable.   The thing about this energy body is that since it does not have mass, it has the ability to see beyond time and into this other world that is what I call Waveform Awareness, which is the Infinite.  By feeling in this way, you can pick up on all kinds of things that some might call intuitive or reading body language.  While some of that is true, it touches upon a still larger realm of experience that leads to the infinite.  It is this infinite realm and self that lives in it that brings the bliss and joy and great feelings of energy that we feel when in this state of sensing and being.  When we look at what the easterners have to say about how emotions can serve to clog the channels of this subtle energy in our bodies, you can see or understand why the action of kundalini in an awakening is so useful and important. In a very real way, the pipes or channels for this energy running through you can become clogged with all sorts of vibrations of attached energy that are simply emotional material that you have shoved down or haven’t dealt with.  In the eastern practice of Qi Gung, the act of movement helps to move this energy in the field and can result in many older issues simply dropping away.  I know this because I used Qi Gung as an important part in my energy work as a result of a kundalini awakening. The thing about this process is that you don’t need to know with your head what is happening.  In fact, this stuff is not about the head at all.  Its about your body.  Your energy body.  As you begin to stretch and move, the movements are designed to help loosen those blocked areas. Sometimes old hurts can drop away.  Massage can achieve this as well as acupuncture.  All of these disciplines are used to help loosen up old material that we have “shoved down” out of the mind and into the body for one reason or another.  Anything old that needs to be let go of that is still clinging in your subconsciousness can be released.  The feeling is one of clearing and more intense energy in the direction of bliss.  If there is enough material that needs clearing, the process can cause some anxiety for how rapidly the shift can take place, of all of the backlog of material that falls away.  Here is where the ego might swing into action to create fear.  The change is so rapid, but at the same time, this could be seen as how we can feel a little bad as we get the medicine we need after having been so sick for so long (or away from feeling that part of our being that we so need to feel….the infinite).  In each chakra there is an atunement to a certain range of energy and each chakra will tend to have certain things attached to it that are all of like vibration.  Like attracts like in this case, so issues related to the heart will be lodged in the heart chakra.  Issues related to the self will be in the solar plexus.  Each energy center winds up being cleared both by these practices as well as the resulting kundalini.  The end result is that you can feel this universal energy more clearly and powerfully.  It also means greater peace and joy since you no longer have those old emotional issues to trip you up.

We perceive the infinite through feeling.  This is the language of the universe.  When you orient yourself this way, you are one step closer to hearing the message.  Learning how to change your own energy body to tune in this world even better is the core of what this blog is all about. By learning how to not lean on the lessons of the past teachers and use your own inner authority instead, you will be doing what I think this world has resisted us from doing for ages; think for ourselves.  Its a mighty fine little revolution we have brewing!

What You Are

You are like a coin with two sides.  One one side is the self that you have known since birth.  It is like a soap bubble, perfectly formed and finite.  It knows itself by virtue of its individuality. All of its memories, feelings, thoughts, are all contained within that soap bubble.  Its thoughts do not leak out of that perfectly bounded self, and nothing leaks into it.  It is affected by the world around it, yes, but the world does not rush into that bubble.  There is no evidence to it that the world could ever do that.  Because everything that this soap bubble has known has been within the material world of limit and form, and because there has been no evidence of anything unusual happening to change that perspective in any way, that soap bubble of awareness follows what its senses have told it all along.
There is another side to this coin and its very different.  This is a world of energy and feeling, of boundless possibility achieved through the cooperative nature of what this self is; the wave.  This waveform self is the self that often goes unnoticed, but its present in nearly everything you do.  It doesn’t get noticed much because its so immediate, up-close and is connected to feeling.  We tend to discount our feelings in our current culture, the same way we discount imagination. We use it, most certainly, without even thinking about it, and to that degree its useful, but you can see how we devalue these things by looking around you.  Because its shoved a side a bit, we know less about this aspect of ourselves.  This tends to be the realm of the sage or guru who wanders into its realm and has a hard time explaining this paradoxical realm well to the rest of us.  This is the Wave-form self, and it has the capacity to join itself with many other particles to form that wave.  It knows itself as connected to a much larger source of life and energy.  I also knows that the wave never ends because the wave isn’t suddenly created out of particles because the wave is a fundamental characteristic of life whether we know it or not.  When you move from the Particle Awareness to Waveform Awareness you are flipping that coin of your being.  You are experiencing the fullest range of what your being has to offer.  Each is important for your experience, otherwise you would not be here experiencing both.  Its no accident, its by design.

What is helpful is to understand this other side of ourselves because its the part that will make an Awakening so powerful.  The degree to which you can open to this side of yourself is the degree to which you will feel its energy in you.  First, it will help if you understand that Waveform Awareness as I call it, is nonlinear.  It is irrational and it is emotional.  Its emotional because it is tied up in feeling.  What you feel in the presence of this Wave is bliss.  In every aspect that your being can experience it, it will experience it.  Its not mistake that creativity helps to ease it along since the source energy from which we are all resting within is essentially creative.  All feeling will be amplified in moments like these.  It also causes the Law of Attraction to work faster and more powerfully.  This is why people who have kundalini have so many coincidental events happening to them.  They are much closer to FEELING which is the power of the Waveform Awareness and thus is working more closely with Attraction to help push events into being.

Being in touch with your feelings when you are “in the zone” is the best place to begin to understand Waveform Awareness.  Its a place where you let go and simply play.  You do this by being enthusiastic, engaged, and capable of bringing whatever you are passionate about into the moment so you can better align with what is happening in the moment.   This is where you feel your most creative, most inspired, and most present.  You are not worried about how something will turn out, you are in the zone and the zone means you are engaged in this moment without too much expectation about what will happen next.  Its a very specific way of being, and we all know this state.  The things that serve to knock you out of this zone or wave is fear, uncertainty, and anxiety.  By not wandering how something will turn out and placing all of your own frailties on the process, you can flow with what is happening.  This is very much like what happens when musicians are jamming without any idea as to what will happen next.  They are creatively in the flow and willing to go with that flow in order that the flow strengthens, grows, and becomes more powerful.  This state is naturally unifying and cooperative in nature.  It also tends to push the ego back into the distance in order for something higher to emerge.  When people are engaged in a selfless way (ego), their efforts quite naturally work for the good of all.  This is important because in an awakening you own Waveform Awareness will connect into your higher being which is where it all gets interesting.  this is where we begin to experience flashes of insight, creativity goes through the roof, and we expand beyond what we thought was possible.  Imagination has a part to play since it is the gateway through which you will travel to conceive of still greater things beyond yourself.  When artists or musicians are in this zone, they describe how effortless things become.  Their senses are sharpened, and often they feel, when working with others, that they are anticipating events before they actually happen.  They are On the Wave and the Wave is not space or time dependent.  It is transcendent in nature, and connects you to a still larger framework of awareness.  This is all done by allowing yourself to FEEL.  It is also aided by suspending what you think is not possible to do.  All of the great ideas came about as a result of suspending what seemed impossible in order to imagine what could be possible.  Many of our great technological achievements are aided by this ability to think differently, outside the box, not even realizing that the person conceiving it WAS outside the box.  When you bring your Particle Awareness, the awareness of your bounded self into the equation, though, you are bringing all of the things you think are true based on what you have thus far learned or experienced.  This quite naturally breaks the wave and brings you into the realm of limitation.  You cannot get beyond limit by being within it.  You have to think and feel differently.  You have to imagine it.

The best way to loosen yourself up is to dream and imagine. This brings you to a rich state where both rational and irrational are working together in consort.  The left and right brain communicate more freely and one is not predominating but enhancing the other.  These two lobes could be said to have overarching masculine and feminine traits.  The left would be linear, concrete, with rational thinking as its core. This side sees the trees individually, but might have trouble seeing the forest. This would be more masculine, whereas the right brain would be nonlinear and feeling, able to see the big picture, the whole forest.  When both sides work cooperatively the left brain might say “that is an interesting tree….with unique cell structure….” and the feminine would chime in and say “Yes, but consider how all of these trees grow together as a group; their overall structure mirrors the structure of the cell in how it grows…”  When this happens, you get the spark of inspiration. That’s when these two energies really hit the ground running!  Their own inner masculine and feminine are working together as a unity instead of being fragmented or divided.  No wonder, then, that the experience of such inspiration is so enjoyable.  If allowed to rise in potential it can lead to bliss that is not unlike our own experience of sensuality and even sexuality.  Many art students I have worked with prefer to be alone when seeking this place inside of themselves.  It is an intimate place, a sacred space, and one which cannot be hovered over by others because it can break the free flow some people need in order to get it moving. I mention this action in sexual terms because in an awakening these two currents very much DO interact in your being in a much more powerful way, and when allowed to flow together, DO create in much the same way that we create new life physically through the union of a man and woman.  The result, then, is a much more powerful version of inspiration (inspire meaning to take in…like breathing) that moves into a whole new gear.

If you suddenly feel yourself afraid or squeemish about your having a masculine or feminine side, you need not have any fear of it.  You have always been this way whether you have realized it or not.  As a man, you have always needed the more sensitive sides of your nature to balance your more aggresive side.  As a woman you have needed your masculine side to balance that part of you that might have felt overly vulnerable, or perhaps indecisive.  A man can benefit from these characteristics that are seemingly opposite just as much as a woman can.  None of them will feel particularly feminine OR masculine; they will feel HUMAN. If you are afraid of these parts of yourself, there is no need to be.  They re already in you and as you open up to them, they will reveal themselves perfectly to you in that moment of inspiration in a way that is entirely unselfconscious.  This is to say that in the moment when you are in the zone, things go by far too fast for you to even realize what is happening.  It feels perfectly natural because it IS natural.  This has never made a manly man more effeminate or a woman any less a woman.  In truth, it enhances what you already are!  The great thing is that you don’t need to think about it beyond intention.

INTENTION
Intention is the ticket you buy a week ahead of time that gets you to your destination.  Intention works magically in the moment when the train is moving at break-neck speed and you don’t have time to consider HOW everything is working or WHY it is working.  By allowing intention to work its magic without the need to know the WHY’s, you can get down to the business of enjoying what is happening in that special moment. Intention is the net that you cast out into the waters even though you don’t know what lies beneath.   Intention will aid you in helping you to create the events that you need to happen in alignment with what you believe is possible. This is why its important to understand your own biases and beliefs. You can easily intend to win the lottery, but you wont win the lottery until you align your intention with belief, pure and simple.  In the same way, when you are moving in this wonderful Waveform Awareness, being clear about what lies beneath your intentions is key to getting what you want.  The problem though is that many people dont know what their beliefs are, and their intention and beliefs are out of sync with one another.  The statement, “Whenever I try to get what I want, it never comes to pass!”  might be a good example of how belief trumps intention.  It also becomes a self perpetuating belief because the result are always the same.  By learning to feel differently and aligning to what it is you want and then also examining how you feel about what you want, you can find the problem you are having in the process. Do you secretly feel a little funny getting what you want?  Do you feel somehow like you don’t deserve it?  Do you feel like someone else should be getting what you get?  Do you feel that winning the lottery is somehow NOT spiritual, that it shouldn’t be about money?

Artists are notorious for being bad at manifesting abundance.  They are abundant in creative gifts, but when it comes to being able to sell their work, they can be very bad at it.  They have beliefs that shackle them in their success.  They might believe that they have to remain true to their vision, that by taking money that would somehow affect their creative output, or water it all down or lead to compromise. These are perfect examples of where we can keep ourselves from realizing what the power of the Waveform Awareness offers.  Most often, these notions are embedded in the subconscious self, a kind of dumping ground for all things unresolved.  By understanding you had this feeling or belief and then understanding where it might have come from, you might be able to understand how outmoded that belief is and get rid of it, replacing it with something that serves you better.  This all is about FEELING differently.  It not about rationalizing anything, but being able to FEEL how great it would be to REALLY succeed and realize all of your dreams.  When you can feel this way, the universe, which is itself also feeling, forms to your expectations!

You are a two-sided coin, yes, and you can use these two sides to greatly enrich your experience here.  By examining your beliefs, you can allow the power of the Wave to crash upon your shores and bring you the miraculous things you always needed. I know it sounds like magic, and perhaps this is always how we have seen magic:  some people had it while others did not.  How they were able to always have things work just right seemed entirely magical.  And if they thought that way, I’d say that looking from the outside in, they were pretty on the mark!

So the first step is to being to flow.  As you flow and allow yourself to NOT know the outcome when in the midst of being creative, you open yourself up to still greater amounts of energy, the energy of this boundless wave.  Trust me, events will begin to happen that seem utterly magical, coincidental, but this is merely proof that it is working in a powerful way for you.  Instead of wondering over what comes next, stay in the wave as much as you can.  Nothing might be happening right now, but just keep up the groove you are in and as you build this energy, things will have a funny way of happening as long as your intention and your belief are in alignment.  Its there in that place where anything suddenly becomes possible and you begin to think and conceive of new things!  This is the essence of creativity!

In my book Waking The Infinite and my second book in the works Divine Energetics, I discuss these issues in greater detail.  If you would like to be placed on a list to review these books, you may contact me through this site.

First Things First

In 2006 I had an awakening that set my life on a very different course.  It was different because of how far I had strayed from what was most essential to me, the result of compromises made from a place where I had unresolved issues within me.  The energy of awakening is a catalytic event, it is like a giant mixer that begins to churn your insides and in this churning, loosens the layers of gunk that we have long since shoved down and away from the conscious self.  This is what kundalini does, but our understanding of it has been the result of traditions that come from other cultures, other times, and people with very different values.  All of this will be seen through the lenses that you bring to it, and the clearer you can be about what is at work, the better able you will be to deal with the power of such an experience.

An awakening, or kundalini, is not an ism.  It isn’t a religion of philosophy, although there is a lot of ideas based on experience that have been attributed to it, most of which are the result of those cultural lenses I mentioned earlier.  Kundalini is something that has a biological basis in our being just as much as it has a basis in our spiritual being.  It is a unifying force and there is evidence of its happening to Christian mystics as well as Hindu sages.  This is not the worship of a god or goddess, it is not something that you need the keys to.  You already have them, and it is your birthright.

The difference between the person who is experiencing kundalini and the one who is not is the result of something not well understood.  My experience has told me that its most likely about being ready for it.  The waking self has all kinds of ideas about what it thinks is true, but that is just one dimension of experience.  There is more to it because there is more to you than you may currently realize.  The desire for this experience is an evolutionary impulse designed to push us towards the something more that we all seem to crave and look for.  What we need is less truth and more meaning.  Its in having a meaningful life that we are most fulfilled.  Kundalini seems to many to hold this promise.  But it will not take hold in you until the stars have aligned in just the right way.  You need to be ready.
Some say that we reach this place as a result of lifetimes of seeking and work on ourselves.  I tend to see this differently.  As a result of peering down into the rabbit hole that is kundalini, I now see things differently.  In every life this experience is possible.  Life is not linear even though our experience of time appears to be this.  Here in our world we DO experience events in linear fashion, but tied up within time is a secret about time, a larger dimension to its truth which is that time expands outward.  If you can catch the wave of time in the right way, you can see what I mean. Sometimes you have even had experiences where time flowed very differently.  Its in these places within ourselves that we can begin to experience the larger or expanded nature of time.  And its within this place that you will likely realize, just as I did, that there is much more to all of this than first met the eye.  This is what makes the present so powerful, and its the subject of much discussion now in regards to tapping our own experience of the infinite.  The answer is in being present.

Being present is deceptively simple for the fact that we have a lot of mind chatter that can lead us out of the present.  Before this experience, I was a big worrier.  I worried about what the future might hold.  I also worried about the past.  This took me out of the present moment and any hope of tapping the infinite within for the very reason that this infinite is part of time, in its nature to EXPAND.  People who have gone through near death experiences describe how there was a sense of no-time, or a wide expanse of time that felt like an infinite space where everything that ever was was happening right now. Sages and gurus speak of this same experience, and people who have had brushes with kundalini often speak of this same sense about time.  In one way or another, they have all had an experience that has put them squarely within the present moment.  When this happens, you can begin to experience a larger aspect of time and also of your own creaturehood.  Its a game changer.  Whether it winds up stirring kundalini so that it gets a toe-hold in your body and soul is a question that is best answered by your own self.

There are ways to arouse kundalini.  There is a kundalini yoga, but I will say that there are a growing number of people who have had these experiences over the last ten years or so who never meditated or followed any method or technique.  This flies in the face of what practitioners of kundalini yoga have to say about how one arouses this energy from the depths.  No special diets, no postures, no methods.  Long before I experienced kundalini I heard a song by Van Morrison called In The Garden.  It had a line where Van said in response to an experience he had that was of a transcendent nature:  “No guru, no method, no teacher, just you and I and nature.”  This stuck with me for a long time because I have long felt that our own spirituality was not subject to teaching.  Our spirituality is natural, native to our being.  Everything that has been learned about this has been learned through experience and has bore the biases of the people experiencing it. By keeping away from these traditions and teachings, I was free to see it in a more direct way. I had my own lenses to contend with, my own presuppositions to deal with for sure, but I didn’t have the weight of thousands of years of tradition breathing down my neck either.

An awakening is a radical experience in a sense.  Its purpose is to remove the layers of material that you have built up in your life that you have adopted as true but that do not align with your higher self.  This higher self is like a cosmic parent.  It has the capacity to teach you how to be, to feel, to become.  To be able to hear it clearly without the lenses of the old stuff requires that you be willing to hear, to trust, to feel.  Its feeling alone that is the language of your higher self.  Its not the mind, nor is it the ego.  This is one reason why you will hear a lot of talk about dispensing with the ego, about how troublesome it is in these deeper waters.  Ego is not a bug to be squashed though, for it has a place within your life and plays a vital role in certain aspects of your experience.  The problem lies in how front and center we have all tended to place the ego in our lives.  It has somehow muscled its way to the front of the house and stands there filtering every little thing that comes to us.  The ego need to be moved more towards the back of the house where it can view the world from a window where it can help us to differentiate between the things within the self and seemingly outside of itself.  The real truth, though, is that this is a bit of an illusion because the higher self in infinite and does not have such strictures placed upon it.  Ego serves the dual plane, this world, by differentiating between me and thee.  it is that task that has a limited purpose, and by learning not to worship ego or allow it front and center status in our lives that the way becomes much easier.  I will say as an aside that you can have kundalini moving in you while keeping your old psychological framework well in place.  It isn’t until you being to allow kundalini a broader scope that you invite it to press against the ego.
The very act of the ego moving from its comfort zone can itself feel like a tragic experience.  It can be extremely difficult, even fear-filled.  But once it begins to move, things do change, and the experience becomes a little easier.  Some say this is what is called ego death, but this is silly talk.  The ego does not die.  It remains.  It simply is put into a slightly different context within the self so that the power of the infinite has more room to shine through you.  As a result of this, the ego will always have a constricting effect on kundalini.  By bringing ego into consciousness in the old way, one can experience a great deal of stress and strain that is often translated as physical pain.  Many people have gone to the doctor to try and cure this phantom pain.  Sometimes it leads to taking drugs to cure anxiety, or if the doctor is smart, s/he will simply have the patient see a psychologist to work out whatever it is that is hurting them.

Some have said that kundalini is dangerous.  I can understand why they would say this, but its based on not understanding what kundalini does.  Kundalini can feel scary when you are unable to surrender your old frameworks or ways of being that do not align with your divine self.  I can recount a period of time when kundalini got revved up in me and I went through countless “Dark Nights of the Soul” as they are called.   Remember, this is your higher self, or parent, and they are much stronger than you.  What they say goes, and the higher self will never lead you astray as long as you can open up to it and hear it resonating deeply within you.  All of the problems with kundalini are the result of patterns and ways of being that are not beneficial to the flow of the infinite self, and they do not reside in kundalini, but in YOU.  This is very much energetic in nature.

Imagine for a moment that your essence energy is made up of sound.  Imagine for a moment that your personality has been hitting a pitch that it feels is most natural. This is the you that you have become and you feel perfectly comfortable with it.  Realize that what feels natural may be the result of a bundle of unresolved issues or other sounds floating in the self to which you have grown accustomed to over time so that they  no longer feel or seem strange or hard or difficult.  Then comes the infinite/kundalini self and it begins to strike a very different pitch.  You can immediately hear the difference and it feel dissonant.  You can feel this dissonance within you as a deep abiding sense of discomfort that can express itself as pain or extreme tension in the body.  This is also part of your emotional armoring that you have held around you for so long whether you have been aware of it or not, and now something is waking you up to its presence and nature!  As the energy of kundalini continues to hold its perfect pitch, you are left with either living in agony or simply letting go, a kind of deep unconditional surrender.  When this happens, things get much easier.  Often, as was the case with me, I would forget how to surrender and go back to the old me and the same series of events would unfold. My behavior was habituated to the old ways, and often we need a way to gently and continually teach us how to be different (in much the same way we learn the wrong way to hold a baseball bat or shovel, for example,  and this posture then becomes habit and the habit is very hard to break because now it feels natural to us!)  There would be shame, guilt, hurt, tied up in this.  this experience was also tied up in my going back to old ways of relating or thinking and feeling that were familiar to me.  Over and over, the higher self through kundalini, would right my wrongs.
Slowly I was taught how to be in FEELING.  This is the action of kundalini.  It can only go as deep as you are willing to go, and results can stall for years if you feel you cant move on for fear of losing your very self.  The irony is that you do not lose anything that you didn’t need.  It just seems that way.  In letting go you also let go of those behaviors and karmic attachments that never served you in the first place.  It is in this way that you can become a partner with the process.  But when it feels hard and scary, it merely means you have issues that are as yet unresolved.

Gopi Krishna, who has written a classic book on his own kundalini experience,  was convinced that he had only awakened the masculine channel of kundalini, since he was having a nightmarish experience.  This is a perfect example of the lenses I describe as being the things with which we view this experience.  In the Hindu tradition, kudalini is seen as a double serpent coiled around the base of the spine and will rise upwards along the spine bringing both the current of masculine and the feminine with it.  There is this notion, as a result of how they view the phenomenon of kundalini that you can arouse only one of these “serpents” or channels of energy.  As a result, it leads to the idea that there is a wrong and right way to do this. In truth, kundalini is a refined intelligence which is a part of you, and is already balanced in its own way within masculine and feminine.  Far from being androgynous, it is merely a more advanced being of universal energy.  As such, masculine and feminine flow together all at the same time.  Its ignorance about the deeper nature of the experience that leads to such misunderstanding of what kundalini is, or what it is that we are experiencing.   So in this way, there is no wrong way to awaken it except to understand that the masculine and feminine energies in you will work their creative magic for you.  In Gopi’s experience, he had to go it alone and imagined the feminine energy flowing upwards, which awakened his awareness to what the feminine force was in his body.  This probably saved his life from the agony he was feeling. The truth is, brothers and sisters, we need both the masculine and feminine within us, and the better we understand this, the better off we are in an awakening or simply living our lives as we have always done, which reveres both poles of our creaturehood (and which also has a real effect on our world!).

Everyone comes to this experience with varying degrees of junk clogging their inner pipes (these are called “nadis” by the Hindus and are etheric energy channels that make up the lines of force that are used in acupuncture and other forms of energy medicine). It is the degree to which you are able to either hold he energy back in you or learn how to surrender that makes the difference.  Some eastern adherents will likely say this is one good reason for preparing for kundalini, and yet I would say that it is the force of kundalini that does the clearing that makes the experience enjoyable, ecstatic even.  Everyone will be in a different place, and even the most advanced teachers have had a number of issues still banging around within them later in life (Krishnamurti is one example).  Its up to the individual ultimately as to how the power of an awakening will go forward.  You can ask it to increase in intensity and it will do so; but then it will press against all these dissonant cords in you and will reveal what remains to be done.  We think there is something that needs doing, but the doing is just simply surrendering. Being willing to not know what is next is an important aspect of coping with this experience.  Any pain or discomfort you feel as a result of the experience will point directly to the things that still remain to be dealt with.

There are practices for arousing kundalini.  I am not terribly familiar with them, but mostly it uses imagination to feel the energy being drawn upwards.  It also relies on breathing exercises and certain postures.  My feeling is that we can do this in other ways if we are ready for it.  In future posts I will relate to you the events that led up to my own awakening, which was 180° from what the books have to say is a “real” awakening.  The truth is, there is no one way to do it, and it just may be that the textbook awakening has more about it that makes the experience difficult than easy. I do feel though, that all methods are intended to slow you down and bring you to your center and into the present moment.  You can achieve this by sitting in the grocery line and allowing yourself to stop worrying about when you will get to be in your car and on  the ride home.  By returning to the present, you are more at peace and do not suffer the results of what your own impatience brings. Also by being present you invite the universe into your experience and then it doesn’t matter where you are.  You have a piece of your own inner purpose with you, which is a golden moment that cannot be recreated by getting out of the store or any number of things.

Lastly, I will say that I have been in the process of writing a book whose title is Waking The Infinite.  It recounts my own experience and the things that I found to be useful tools in coping and growing with my own awakening.  Much of what I have to say flies in the face of conventional wisdom and thought, and this is because so much of what we think and feel has attached to it all manner of karmic issues that serve to distort the view.  Part of what kundalni does is shift how we see things, but this only happens when we are ready.  Sometimes this new awareness only comes when someone else brings their perspective into the mix.  This is where sharing our experience in building a new understanding of what we are can become valuable.

Teresa

I continue to find interesting parallels with St. Teresa of Avilla.  Teresa was a Carmalite nun who went through an awakening.  She wrote a good deal about her experience in a number of books, one of which is entitled  Interior Castle.  In it, she describes the seven rooms in the soul that lead to union with the divine.  These seven rooms match perfectly the descriptions made of the seven chakras and how each is entered by kundalini, cleansed, as one moves closer to fuller union with the divine.  The character of each "room" matches the character of each chakra in eastern circles. 

During my awakening I had a nearly identical experience with an angelic being that Teresa describes in her writings.  This includes an angel who reaches into her heart (with an arrow) and pulls out her insides.  The being who came that early morning who reached into my heart center pulled something out that I recognized as being like a body which had no bones, soft and fleshy, gross in a way, and so similar to Teresa's description that its hard to waive away.  In both cases, the result was supreme ecstasy. 

Before this happened, however, during the first few years of awakening, I had this image which came to me powerfully as I heard someone speaking in my mind about the nature of this experience.  I was driving to Philadelphia and was crossing a river near there.  As I did I felt this presence well up within me and explained that all of this had an inevitability to it, the same as a river flowing into the sea. This experience worried me at the time.  It caused me to feel as though I was losing grip on my control of things.  I didn't know it at the time that this would result in the greatest loss of control, the control of my ego over my life events.  From this point forward, the feeling of blis was expressed as a river flowing into the sea.  I would see images in my mind of the clouds sending down rain, which would fall and gather in small streams while streams would flow into rivers and rivers would flow into the sea.  All of this had a feeling to it that spoke directly to this divine union.  The sense that this was happening was not just imaginary, but quite real, even though I knew that ultimately the experience was merely an image to express a still deeper experience which had no words or even images.

Yesterday I came across a quote by Teresa and it caught my eye for how perfect it was for describing my own experience.  I marveled at how identical the language can be in seeking to give word to such a wordless thing, a mystery.  Here is her quote from Chapter 2 of her book Interior Castle:

But spiritual marriage is like rain falling from heaven into a river or stream, becoming one and the same liquid, so that the river and rain water cannot be divided; or it resembles a streamlet flowing into the ocean, which cannot afterwards be disunited from it. This marriage may also be likened to a room into which a bright light enters through two windows--though divided when it enters, the light becomes one and the same.

Once you have touched upon this, you can feel how utterly true the words are in expressing this sense of having become part of this inner life whereby the water of spirit flows one into the other in a way that drives great ecstasy.  How can one explain or describe it except in this way?  As the voice spoke to me as coming form the river;  "Its inevitable."

The Role Of Creativity

 

Detail, blown glass, ©Parker Stafford

One very big coping mechanism available to you in the midst of an awakening is creativity.  I cannot tell you how big this one is.  In fact, I feel its the very essence of this experience.  It was learning how to use creativity as way of tapping a clearer state of being that helped clear a channel within for this energy to flow in a way where it did not cause me to feel discomfort.  At the time, ego was very much installed front and center in the self.  What creativity allowed me to do was to channel the energy of transformation.

I have been an artisan for years.  I knew for years before that that many ideas had a way of showing up, as part of what inspiration was all about. This was an elusive creature, and artists often speak of chasing it, trying to find it as the one thing that brings their work new breakthroughs, new connections made within the self that allows for  interesting things to happen.  Musicians, for example, often speak of allowing the music to flow through them.  Mozart spoke of it in terms of something being channeled.  When everything is just right, the mind fires up, with the left and right hemispheres working together in a cooperative way that makes this experience possible.  Indeed, it is a kind of partnership of the self.  The whole self.  The left, the right, the masculine and feminine.  In an awakening something happens where both sides of the self merge into a greater unity.  The power of this union is echoed in the writings of early Christian mystics, of eastern gurus and those of us touched by it in the modern day. 

We very much associate creativity as being aligned with the feminine.  I think there is a reason for that.  Masculine is very aligned with action.  When alive in equal measure, the masculine can deliver the spark that results in the feminine bringing forth new forms, new ideas, things entirely beyond imagination only moments before. Its as though the masculine gives a sense of direction, of volition, intent, while the other side of it brings nothingness into somethingness as a result of the catalytic contribution of the masculine.  Its not one of the other, but both sides of our being working together in partnership.  This is a healing of the rift within, a movement towards wholeness of the left hemisphere/ male, right side/feminine.

 

Closeup detail, blown glass form, ©Parker Stafford

I feel that the fabric of the universe is predicated on creative energy.  Its how we show up here.  Its how dreams form, how new ideas emerge. Its the result of the polarity present in all things, pulling even the smallest of particles into a kind of relationship.  When enough of this happens, we can have life emerging, for example. We have creation myths that are...well....based in creative energy.  Something from nothing, something out of the consciousness of something still larger, given a new life, a life of its own.  And certainly our own creations are this.  A new idea can spread across the globe, filtering into the awareness of many people.  A song does this, a painting, and even the moment when someone does something new and different, through inspiration, that brings  a new way to do things that make life better or different.  It can lead to seeing and feeling in new ways, and it can literally shift our world individually and en mass.  Its a very civilizing effect.  It is the natural state of grace within us.  It is the grace that need not be tied to any belief or dogma, but to your own nature, your own feeling being.

Creativity once broke free the logjam within the Creator spirit.  Within it there rested countless, nearly infinite, forms, but they had not been given their own voice, their own volition.  When Creator surrendered to freedom, worlds emerged in totally unexpected ways. Creator lost control, learned surrender, and through a creative act, everything known came into being and thus also began co-creation where through the Law of Attraction, we interact with the divine universe through some very simple principles which all go back to energy...which is consciousness.  Layer upon layer of consciousness got into the act.  Our world, I suspect, was formed from the dream of those ancient beings that we are connected to, our own creators, who are also our larger selves.  Connected, children of the dawn of being, we have emerged in a world sparkling of possibility.  Creativity makes the conception of this possible.  It washes away hardness, rigidity, and fear.  It can. Some will create while worried, afraid, still chasing that elusive state of being, the creative, and may wind up finding it once the find that elusive place within where everything just clicks.  Its often a mysterious process because its not rational, not entirely.  The more you are able to slip into its flow, the more it can fill you, shift you, and blow away the cobwebs.  It is an exciting state where the air becomes rarefied.  The body responds with endorphins and even adrenaline.  In the right mix, a state of peace and excitement prevail.  We enter the garden once again.

The trick in all of this is to not direct it too much.  Support it, yes, relax, and enjoy it.  That is how this very gentle being will emerge in you.  This is the feminine side of creation.  She will fill you with inspiration when the masculine is there, supportive and feeding into her.  She will fill you with a very different sense of understanding....she is a feeling, a whole body experience whereas the masculine is more....definite in being pinpointed within.  Imagine at the top of your head are two wires that were once separate.  Now they are connected and there is this building of energy within you.  Kundalinietherically and physically.  You can use this energy.  In fact, sages yogins and priests in the past who have taught about kundalini have this idea called "sublimation."  Now, I have issues with this as my past writing has certainly pointed to. The energy is so strong, it feels like a force, a material or fluid flowing up inside of you.  Very real in this way, yes, but you are not doing what the ancients have suggested, which is transmuting bodily fluid, which is their conception of sublimation.  But the description certainly helps to explain how powerful and vivid all of this is. And so the idea is that when you take this potent energy which is so sexual and alive in you, you can use it for still larger widenings or openings of your awareness.  Certainly this is so.  By utilizing creativity, you are drawing that creative energy which is also the sexual (one powerful expression or facet of creative energy and bliss filled, too), and you can bring this energy upwards into ever higher circles of awareness within you.  As you do this, the energy which is itself conscious and aware will confer upon you awareness too.  Its an awareness that doesn't need to do anything, a feeling.  But this vast field of energy is like standing before the ocean and drawing off small amounts of it to turn it into things.  I think that this is one very big thing that teaches us directly how creation works.  We have the free will to create whatever we want.  We can create horrors or we can create amazing worlds of possibility.  We are all drawing off the same giant wellspring of being within and around us.

What creativity can do is to allow you to play, to loosen up, to stop being so rigid, afraid, and frozen.  Creativity, though, is predicated on letting go.  So is awakening. They go hand in hand in this respect.  Its an entirely non dogmatic method for reaching the place within that can help you to move, to flow, to be more whole.  It can give your rational mind the activity it needs while the larger self flows out all around you and feels more whole, more expansive.  Artists spend their whole lives chasing this often elusive state.  I think that by understanding how it all works could be a useful too in reminding yourself how you need to be.....which is a feeling after all, a simple way to relax. The other very important part of doing well in the creative state is to be present.  By being present, you do not worry how your creation is going to turn out.  You give yourself the room to get out of your own way by doing this, you release anxiety and fear, no matter how small or insignificant.  When you stop anticipating what will happen next, you are free to do what must be done in the present.  You stop living in the future and start living in the NOW.  This is very important.  The energy of awakening, while unbounded and free, seems to express itself best in the moment where your body is, where your awareness is most powerful.  Its a simple thing, really, but is sometimes elusive for all the mind chatter and habitual movement into the future.  When a child is lost in creativity, s/he isn't thinking about anything else except how nice everything is in the moment, a part of them willing to suspend expectation for a bit in order to see what emerges.  This is where he larger self can begin to slip through.  It isn't that the larger self is some voice in the clouds or some being in a fiery bush.  Its within you in the simplest of ways, but it has a kind of expansiveness about it and can bring a supreme peace to you. Peace is a very good thing. 

If you have trouble being present and not feeling some edge of anxiety, I suggest that you do a simple breathing exercise that will bring you to the present moment and get you back into your body.  By breathing through each nostril four times with the other nostril closed, making sure to breathe out of your mouth all the while and breathing out in a long slow sigh (don't breathe fast---think about how you might breathe while asleep and you will get the rhythm about right for this to work the best).  Once you have done this, you may find that whatever you were doing or thinking that led you to a nervous or agitated state has entirely gone out the window. How do you feel different than a moment before. What is different?  Are you much more present? Calmer? This can be a very powerful way to help yourself to settle into the present.  The while point is to create in a way that is more balanced.   You can always create in a very rational way, yes, and while it will offer some rewards, you can go much deeper into it if you let yourself. You will discover you have a great capacity to go ever deeper into this, much deeper than you thought was possible. it will lead to spontaneity,

The advantage that creativity can bring you is that it will blow away the blocks in your awareness and your emotions.  It will help you feel better.  It will make you feel more unified.  Trying to use this energy in an awakening can be amazing.  What new things might you create?  Imagine what might be possible while creating under the influence of this marvelous thing!
                                                                      
You don't have to feel "artistic."  Creativity flows all through your life. Its how you clean, its how you change a tire, or how you problem solve.  Its how you arrange flowers, wash the clothes, go about your day.  Your life can be a work of art, most certainly, but this thing is present in your day to day even though you do not feel like you are being creative.  When you engage both sides of your awareness and being, you are essentially tapping this creative font of being. We are all artists of one kind of another when we wake up to the fact that creativity is in every nook and cranny of our lives.  Henry Ford made cars three a day, then using his creativity, he was able to make one every thirty minutes.  This same thing has transformed our lives in innumerable ways.  Einstein used it as he rode that trolley car, imagining he was a beam of light when relativity struck into his entire being.  So powerful was the effect that he had to get off the trolley car.  The effect was so powerful that he felt it all through him. When a woman conceives, it is said she nurtures a miracle.  And so it is. An amazing miracle of our being here.  It civilizes us as our world is made more colorful, more appetizing with new menu items, new choices for experience. Its everywhere.  Your clothing was designed, the car you drive was designed, as was your tableware, the cups you drink from and the web sites you visit.  Its all made out of this creative fire that someone had, whether designing a tumbler or making up a business plan, painting, or child.

You just have to let it flow.  You have to be taken by it, seduced by its energy, willing to not know where it will take you.  If you are to intent on knowing where it will lead you, your own ego will get in the way and try to control things too much.  Mind and heart work together, even if they don't know exactly how its done, only that when merged, bliss is the result.  Yes, you DO direct it.  Yes.  You are co-creator in all of this.  You can, though, bring more material in on its wings if you will allow yourself to not always know why you are doing something or where you are going with it.

Last semester I had a student who is a perfectionist who was driven to tears as she stood by her work, barely started, unable to conceive how on earth she was going to be able to make something out of mere clay.  She was thinking it to death.  And she got scared.  What ifs filled her mind.  These grew from the little things they ought to be into dragons.  I said she was standing shivering on the edge of the river bank and all she needed to do was jump in.  Who knows if the water is cold.  Maybe it is, but all her friends were in there, beckoning her to just jump in.  And when she did, it was hardly anything worth worrying like she had over it.  She just jumped in.  No thinking, just merely intent.  And once in, she was at peace and relieved.  Turns out she had had a teacher many years ago who had not recognized her own innate creative self.  She thought of herself as an artist, and a bad experience resulted in her feeling fear.  Fear is the death of love, and of creativity.  All my students who are shut down are also fearful.  I simply let them know that for this time, they wont be whacked over the head.  Go play, I say. Make something that you will enjoy.  This is your chance.  And loosening up, they do. Uncertain at first, shivering by the edge of that vast river, they jump in and the room changes over a period of two days. Everyone relaxes and gets into their groove.  And just like swimming, you just DO it.  You don't have to think it to death.  You just move through it and enjoy how it feels to be part of this creative medium, your ocean of creation. Its less a plan as an experience.  You can plan and design, but this current must flow in order for it to be inspired.  Sometimes, just gazing out a window can be the perfect time for this lightening to strike you.  I have a student who gets ideas when she is taking a shower.  Its sometimes when aren't TRYING, but relaxing into a calm state. 

Let it flow. Allow yourself to direct, yes, but allow for the possibility for irrational decisions to be made in the moment.  You don't need to know.  And don't worry if they don't work out. Its a mystery, an experiment, and there will always be another opportunity to try again if for some reason things don't work out as you had anticipated.  Maybe next time, you will anticipate less and participate more. 

I blow glass. I make objects of sparkling beauty out of this alchemical material.  Made from earth, air and fire, water is used to cool and shape it.  The material is so fluid, I most often  let the material to flow into the shapes that it seems to most easily want to be.  That is how it seems.  Turning round and round, the forms are rounded, sumptuous, sensual and brilliant.  While its a lot like ballet where many moves are not as easy as they look when performed, when you reach a place where you can move the work without thinking about it, I am freed up to allow this current to flow through me and I find some part of me emerge that is without thought but presence. Interesting things happen when all of this goes on. Sometimes I don't even remember how something new was done.  New things come forward and I am part participant and part director.  Finding something that you are comfortable and enjoy doing is a big step I think.  Here, in the joy of doing, the flow can be felt.  When I have people in the studio working for the first time, everything goes so fast there isn't time to get too scared or tied up. Then people realize that with a little help, they are making sheer beauty!  And this feeling is huge, because its unifying and very encouraging.  The material captivates.  And its a good one because you can pour it onto the floor and pick it up after it has cooled and the drizzles will themselves catch the light and dazzle the eye.  Knowing that, its hard to make something that isn't marvelous.  And when you can feel THIS way, it opens a place of grace within you.  And through this grace-filled moment, the universe of you flows. There is a universe hiding inside, just waiting to be discovered!

 

Gold Andromeda Geode, ©Parker Stafford

www.hypersmash.com

The Divine Counterpart

This is a piece written over three years ago that discusses an aspect of awakening that involves something called a soul connection.  Some may think that the awakening of kundalini is something you do in a solitary way, but kundalini is about connectivity, of waking up to realizing that everything is connected.  As this happens, the Law of Attraction kicks in and a journey begins that can lead you to unexpected but marvelous places while learning about your birthright as an unfolding soul on this planet....

Almost two years ago I embarked on a journey that has changed my life in a pretty fundamental way, and is one most difficult to explain or relate. I suspect the terms used to describe the phenomenon could well be distortive, but for many experiencing this, its a place to hang your hat.
The "hook" or term used for what I have been going through is the twin soul or twin flame experience. Regardless of what you might think of the terms used to describe this phenomenon, it shares a host of symptoms and experiences which have a tendency to be common amongst others going through this same experience.

Imagine waking up one day to a curious feeling that you are aware of another person.....not someone you can see with your eyes, not someone whom you may even know, but a sense of presence near you, in your head and heart. Then imagine having a series of odd synchronicities surrounding the issue of this other person, as well as dreams. Some will dream of this other person and know what they look like, or might see the inside of their home. Suddenly and without warning, its as though some new set of experiences have come and made their home in your life. At first, you think you are going crazy. You begin having all kinds of crazy thoughts about this person. You notice an incredible pull to this person. You think that for whatever reason, you are just having some innexplicable psychic communication happening and it will go away after a few days. It doesn't. It grows stronger. What' more, you seem to know who this person is, and in my case, it was someone I knew relatively little about who was on a message board on a topic I was interested in. While we both danced around the issue for a few weeks, we both admitted that we were both feeling something. This would be where you begin to question your sanity a little bit, but something deep within you drives you forward. You suspend disbelief for a bit and see where this goes. There is something about the FEEL of this that is very compelling. As you do, more strange events occur that mesh with the physical, some are oddly synchronistic while others might tell you details about the person involved that you just could not know otherwise. Enough happens to keep your attention piqued and in the game.

You begin to notice that this other person has an incredible ability to know what you are feeling and when. If you are suddenly sad, this person can feel it. You begin to have the sense that you know this person not from the outside in but from the inside out. It begins to feel as though you both are sharing something deep and fundamental, and the sense of familiarity with this person goes beyond anything you have experienced before. It feels like this person is joined at the hip with you, but in an unseen way. Your own inner psychic space feels more cramped than usual.....because there is another person there in that space. You get used to this feeling, but in the beginning you wonder if you are not going through some odd form of possession.

Then the chakras or energy centers in the body begin to fire up. It begins at the base chakra where all of the strong sexual and primal feelings emerge. This energy begins to move upwards and as this happens, you begin to be aware of a subtle presence that seems to guide this upward flow. This energy has a sense of sentience, of will, and intelligence. As this energy presence rises, it begins to come into contact with a host of blockages which you suspect are the result of unresolved issues from your past hardened into dark rock- like stones which you had forgotten had been lain there. These are seen for what they are and cast aside, and as this happens, this presence/energy drives upwards through the chakra chain. Suddenly, one day, the energy is ringing your heart. You have this odd certainty that this energy is attempting to fold itself into you, to bring about some inner change in you, and its a result of this connection to this other person, someone who feels like they fit into some long since forgotten void, like a puzzle piece so well fit that when you feel your inner self it gets hard to know where this person ends and you begin. Thus, the term "Twin Soul." This is not about knowing as much as it is about feeling and trusting what it is you are feeling. Its as if the invisible world is suddenly coming to life in a way that is both disconcerting yet oddly familiar.

Over time there is no question something is happening. This twin is connected to you and will sometimes tell you things about you that you have never told anyone else before. Whatsmore, your energy body does not feel the same. There is a growing sense of radiance, of intense bliss that comes in waves. At its root, it is intensely sexual, and the energy moves upward as it is "filtered" or modulated through the different centers (or chakras) until it reaches the top of the head where the energy loops back around in perfect torus-like shape to begin the cycle again. At its root this experience is an energetic one, and makes one feel as though there is a divinity to human sexual experience, that a large part of the sexual experience had simply been missed in prior physical experiences. In time, this nonphysical union feels far more blissful, more majestic and right than any physical experience before it. Its as though they physical and spiritual aspects of this experience overlap, but the inner merging that happens moment by moment in the mundane passing of time with these two people offers something that is head and shoulders above mere sex. Over time, as this energy situates itself in you, you feel a steady stream of near orgasmic energy moving through you. This takes time, and a whole lot of thinking that your libido just suddenly shot through the roof. Instead of one big burst of orgasmic release, this experience offers a slower, gentler but steady sense of orgasmic flow that seems most at home when allowed to simply be without any physical encouragement. It feels as though by letting this gentle flow move through you that you steadily increase your ability to feel its force in your ongoing. While it can be incredibly distracting at first, learning how to steady its force instead of letting the energy fly free like horses unbridled is important for developing a state of balance with this new presence in your life.

What many people say they experience is the divinity in this inner spiritual union, and often with someone they may have never met! (its very easy for onlookers to think that this is just a weird infatuation). What's so striking about the process this connection takes is how the presence of an energy which feels at once raw and powerful and also subtle and gentle and finely tuned awakens one to a slew of issues concerning ones spirituality and inner being. Suddenly, the gnostic texts begin to take on new meaning. Twins see something more to what Thomas described the Master as saying when he spoke of the left hand becoming the right, the male becoming the female. It feels as though, at a deep and fundamental level, as if two souls (or divided halves of a larger whole?) have been joined or reunited and that this union generates a third energy which has a sense of presence, a divine triad, if you will. It comes as no surprise to twins that the Taoists spoke of this union and the creation of this sacred third. Many feel that they are experiencing Christ Consciousness, or at least some aspect of it. This experience turns many people's notions of Christ on its head for the fact that this experience can feel so incredibly sexual. It has led to a lot of acting out while trying to come to grips with what it all means. Many twins are aware that there is a very real force that is masculine and feminine in the universe, that these are basic to how energy of all kinds interact. What twins experience, they feel, is just an extension of a divine reality that may well fly in the face of traditional dogma, but which they feel is the true vine, the real facts about our soulhood or inner being.

Twins are engaged, in the day to day, with something I'd call a cosmic game of badmitten. They are batting back and forth their energies, and as the masculine energy interacts with the feminine and vica versa, greater energy is produced (it feels catalytic and it creates in my mind all manner of images to explain what's going on with the energy...images of rivers flowing into the sea, of salty water meeting fresh, of polar opposites meshing and generating a sudden reaction like an explosion.....but curiously subdued....as if "exploding" is not the point, but driving this energy through us in a constructive way is. This is in no way predicated on physical contact, and while the sensations are more subtle than the act of physical union, eventually the presence of this experience builds to a great height, and if lucky, the twins are able to better tune their own energy fields in order to allow for more even flows of this cosmic energy. When the energy is built up between the two, all manner of things can manifest. In my case, I had definate physical effects. I had been having some problems just before the twin encounter with what felt was a drop in hormone output, resulting in depression for the first time in my life as well as sexual dysfunction. I had just been to the doctor to have this looked into to see what could be done when the twin experience came crashing into my life. That doctor's visit quickly became a distant memory as I felt invigorated not just sexually, but physically ( started reading up in the concept of Qi in eastern texts to see if perhaps I was tapping life force energy...interestingly I saw some similarities with these Qi masters and the health benefits they were said to enjoy as a result of channeling this energy in a more conscious way through their being). I could not escape the feeling that this was as nature had intended, even though I had some residual guilt as a result probably from my upbringing as a Christian as it related to the sexual nature or side to this experience. I began to feel, though, that we had simply gotten it all wrong, or that the "truth" may have been hidden all along because some priesthood somewhere felt that the great unwashed simply could not wrap their heads around an experience such as this. I suppose Jesus did the same thing, hinting over and over that there were some things he would tell his disciples that he would not tell the general public.

I think that its entirely possible that we have not been told the whole story, that the concept of the Christ is more about a natural state, slumbering for the moment, within the hearts and bodies of all human beings, and that this is not about ideology or one religion over another, but part of who we are and part of what we could become, but I suspect that the path to this state has been obfuscated either purposefully or through missunderstanding. To say what Jesus offered was revolutionary is probably an understatement. When Thomas asks the Master to tell him the deeper things about life, they go off for a time to discuss these matters out of ear shot of the others. When he returned the disciples all asked what he had said to Thomas. Thomas replied that if he were to tell them what he had been told, they would surely want to stone him. This to me is very telling. No wonder, then, that the concept of the bridal chamber is so often missunderstood by those who have not experienced divine sexuality. After all, we have been told by countless traditions that sex is a necessary evil, dirty, and tied to original sin in the case of Christianity. Its part of what makes us weak, not strong. We then have to subjugate our will to some other person's in order to get out of the hole of sin we find ourselves in.

I have suspected for years that the resurrection has more to do with energizing ourselves, bringing us into a higher vibratory frequency or state of consciousness, and that by building up our capacity for holding greater and greater amounts of energy can cause us to pass over into higher and higher thresholds of awareness. Jesus spoke of a kingdom that was all around us and within us, yet few saw. I grew up thinking that the kingdom was heaven. You have to die to get to heaven, right? Imagine my interest in the gnostic texts when the Master spoke in terms of the resurrection needing to happen BEFORE we die. Much is said about people in the Nag [Hammadi] about their normal state as like being "dead" but are resurrected by a process that was only hinted at, probably because it would have just been too scandalous and would also have made people more self sufficient and at peace....perhaps too at peace to want to join a church or depend upon a priest to help them in their spiritual life. What this experience does for me is to awaken gnosis as a living thing in my life. I wont pretend to have all the answers, but I know I have one and its an amazing mystery. It is not understood by trying to analyze it or crack it open like a rich fruit, but whose presence must simply be experienced and observed much as one would observe a butterfly flitting from bush to bush, flower to flower, instead of trying to kill it to dissect it in a hope of better understanding how it works. Once that is done, the thing you were looking for is completely lost.

What I find curious about this twin experience is how more and more people are beginning to experience this phenomenon. It feels almost as though something is up, like something is happening with all these people experiencing the same thing. There are certainly enough hallmarks for most twins to recognize it in another person when they see it. Was it perhaps that Jesus was not here to save us, but to show us a way to save ourselves, to begin awakening that hidden potential within all of us that happens to deal heavily with the issue of the divine feminine and masculine and bringing those within a unity? Could these joinings be a clue to the lock and key nature of our being that could lead to a reformation of the self?

 Nemasté

www.hypersmash.com