Books Excerpt 4

These are three separate pieces from the book, still in the process of being worked and re-worked..... 

We are ourselves dual beings. We come into this world with a sense of being individual.  This is what I call particle consciousness. We are separate, individual, and what we know, see, feel, touch, and experience is through the lens of this particle awareness.  This is the self that feels as though it is alone in a sea of other selves, all jockeying for position and for a better life.  Somehow, we never seem to get beyond our bubble except in very special circumstances.  Through empathy and compassion, and love, we can move beyond this self to begin to feel for others.  Still, this awareness can be very much bounded by the bubble that we are, resulting in experiences that are more solitary or isolated.  Our conception of what love can be can be limited by this sense of self as separate.  Within this bubble there is the mind and ego, and these deal very well with this type of awareness which is limited, individual, and bounded.  This is not to say that in your particalized awareness that you cannot feel empathy or compassion, you can.  However, the deeper flow of what this compassion is has a certain bounding to it.  Love is something we feel FOR someone most often.  When you shift from this awareness you realize there is a still larger love, larger than anything you have thus far experienced, and this love is not something that you feel whenever the object of your love is present or when you think of them, it is a continuous flow that moves through you. 

          There is another form of awareness or consciousness which I call waveform awareness or consciousness.  This is the innate ability for us to transcend the bubble of our particalized awareness and join or merge with something much larger, a collective of consciousness.  This is where we experience the deity, the Source of all life.  This is also where union with divine comes which sages and mystics have described down through the ages.  When we move from particle to wave, we also experience a shift in energy and how that energy effects us on the individual level.  For as long as the ego has trouble wrapping itself around the experience of the waveform, there is a kind of inner crisis that ensues in these kinds of experiences, especially when an awakening occurs that triggers what is known as kundalini energy (which is life force energy expressed as a wave).  Once the ego knows its place in the grander scheme, then this wave form consciousness can unfold more and more.  It isn’t that particle awareness is the illusion, but that it is simply one of the two states in which we exist.  They are in fact not dual but aspects of the same larger experience.  Every guru or sage or devotee who ever ascended into the rarefied air of bliss always had to deal with life here and now, and this has always involved some sense of individuality.  It is not good or bad, it is simply a way of experiencing a still larger sense of the universe and of universal being. Once particalized consciousness knows that it wont be blotted out by this powerful wave form, it then can learn to be more easy within it and ride the wave and learn a whole new way of being in the world.  This is not an illusion, but one aspect of experience, one in which consciousness has chosen to experience and is absolutely germaine to life here in this reality (despite what many might have to say about this).  One of the most important things for an infinite mind or being to experience is the world of boundedness and limit.  Then, by understanding what that experience is like, it can then learn to integrate the two so the seeming paradox is dissolved (as self dissolves into self, as the two become one--our next stage in understanding where this is all leading us). When you learn the art of the wave form consciousness, you can bring that boundless energy into your life to enliven it, and enrich it in unlimited ways.  

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The Holographic World

It was the Summer of 2007.  I had taken my daughter to one of the parks in our town and as she played on the jungle gym I watched as she explored and played.  We had recently moved to the area and were just getting settled. I had been thinking of all the things that remained to do, and how we had stuff at our old home that still needed to be moved to our new place.  As I was thinking about all of this, I felt an intensification of the energy. I turned to look across the field to a bank of trees and as I did so it felt as if the world dropped out from under me.  I felt literally pulled along on some wild current  while I could feel the presence of kundalini quiet but suggesting   “Look at the trees.  Look at the world….”  I looked at the trees. What was happening? Something was compelling me, but what?  I was reminded of the movie Phenomenon where a simple man was struck by something that changed his life.  I wondered about that movie and as I did, I felt the Presence bid me to go deeper. I began to feel as though I was being led through a series of steps of phases or realms where there were all these different scales of matter and awareness and it felt like stair steps of a kind, or frequencies of something…..this was all very hard to put to word because it was all being felt.  At first I saw the trees swaying in the breeze  and thought of how these living things were enjoying life as simple trees, but then I felt myself hurdle into their leafy enclosures and saw a bustling city of activity within them, which were cell bodies at a given magnification.  I was aware that my awareness was able to make itself very small, infinitely small almost, in order to make some things appear big.  Then I was brought deeper still beyond the cell into molecular sized scales and even deeper I hurtled until I reached a place I suspected was not measurable by our standards.  The Presence was still there and it indicated that this was the farthest I could go without moving out of  physical reality. I stood there looking at an unimaginably small landscape that was nearly devoid of feature and instead had a milky haze which I took to be some field of energy, kind of like plasma in a cell body; undifferentiated but important in order to be a carrier for something.  This haze was not the result of still smaller particles as far as I could tell.  I was aware of some particles which were white in color but they reminded me as being like yin and yang symbols in that they contained the entirety of the universe in them.  How I knew this, I do not know, but in this world, it was all about perception through FEELING.  I discerned through feeling and did not know how I knew what I knew except that it was inescapably true.  As I “watched” these particles they began to display some interesting properties.

I could feel how they interacted with one another.  I understood that these particles were a building block of matter and themselves did not seem to have mass.  They did have energy and they did have a charge.  They showed to me that the entire universe is built upon this charge of negative and positive, that this charge moved all the way up through the chain of size and had its effect even on larger structures, and events.  I was aware that each particle had its own spin and that it mirrored another particle.  These particles, though, would wink in and out of physical reality as a way of maintaining their energetic dynamism.  It was as if these particles had to go to a zero point in order to move back up the scale of potential.  This itself is a pulsation, and these particles carried within them something akin to a mirror….except this mirror containes the entirety of all universes.  This was something that defied our understanding of space and time.  Further, these particles would move in and out of our physical reality and move into other realities, in to other dimensions. This was as natural to them as, say, a dolphin swimming so fast that it is able to jump out of the water for moments in time only to dip back into the water.  These particles could change their form without any care and since they were building blocks could be individual particles or they could join up with other particles like it in order to form all manner of things, from clouds to rocks to forming the foundation for events.  A particle might take up a given space only to wink out, but it was always phased in with other particles like it in the same space or similar spaces.  This activity was so fast that objects would not seem to lose heir solidity although it did occur to me sometimes to watch for a faint sense of “shimmer.”  While I knew that there was no way to prove what it was I was experiencing, I found it novel that I was, and I chose to let intuition be my guide. 

It was shown to me that these particles are in everything, and that their negative and positive orientation builds worlds, that this energetic principle was behind the soul connection and our waking up to our being as infinite and part of the universe.  I could see as the energy particles in one person would be attracted to those of the other person, that these particles had a way of locking into one another, but even more importantly that one particle acted like a key while the other acted like the lock.  Together they worked in such a way that they quite literally unlocked energetic potential.  This energy was felt as a tide of bliss, of sensual orgasmic energy building between the masculine and feminine in a way that I knew was true, that this was the truth behind the act of lovemaking, and which drove our relationships. This energy created bliss with just a look, with the power of its wave form rippling outward attracting everything with its larger over riding energetic.  I was astonished to feel into this world at such tiny scales what I recognized as existing at larger scales.  Later that night I looked up into the sky at night and felt the earth moving in its orbit around the sun and felt the tug that the sun gave to the earth, and how the earth itself had a child, the moon, tugging against her as they all moved around each other in a way that felt as though its was part of this larger soulful choreography. 

All of this was experienced without having read about concepts of a holographic universe.  I didn’t realize it at the time but this idea had reflections or echoes in the works of other contemporary thinkers.  I would wind up finding mirrors of this same experience in unusual places.  One was in the work of Jane Roberts who had a trance personality who dictated a number of very illuminating books.  One such book, The Nature of Reality describes something nearly identical in some respects, particles of energy which are a basic building block of reality. I would find out from a friend that the work of Eckhart Tolle as well as  David Braden in his books The Divine Matrix and the God Code contain similar concepts. 

No one told me about this experience, it was merely something that I experienced directly.  Within the very atoms of the material world is contained an energy which at first seems neutral to the particalized awareness, but comes alive when we come alive.  Quite suddenly it is as if the world is alive with this energy, and this energy is no longer neutral but alive and aware.  Within all of nature, within matter, are those keys that will help you unlock your own awareness here in the dream of your life.  Within it lies the secret of how the positive and negative poles exist and respond, how healing these poles within yourself leads to a unity of being.  You can see in the Gnostic texts how Jesus said that he was one with the Mother and Father.  This was the masculine and feminine currents within him.  IN the Hindu texts, they speak of Shakti and Shiva reaching a point of union.  When you do this, when you reach this level of healing you literally open the gateway ever wider for your higher being to enter into the moment as a very real and constant experience.  The more you resolve, the more you heal, the less reactive you are to the things in the world around you.  Then things that affected you before no longer effect you.  You are emerging out of a way of being that no longer serves you.  If you will listen the energy in all things will speak to you.  It might be the same simple truth over and over, but it can also reveal all manner of things if you but listen.  This is the birth of gnosis, or knowing.  It was as a result of my experience that I began to scour history for mentions of this and I was able to find them, but in finding them, I only found examples of others touching upon the same thing I did.  I knew what I had experienced was true and real, but I no longer needed someone to tell me my experience was real or true or correct.  This, we come to on our own.  Individually.  

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In my journey thus far I have had to forgive a host of people, all of whom who hurt me deeply at one time or another.  At first I could not conceive how forgiving these people could help me; after all, I was the one who was done wrong!  Certainly I was justified in my feelings!  Oh my, yes, but as long as that happens so much anger and hurt is kept active in your psyche that real healing is all but impossible.  Examples of the miraculous effects of forgiveness abound and help to illustrate what happens to us when we are willing and able to forgive.  When a heart is free of hurt it is free to love even greater.  The very act of letting go is central to an Awakening.  What seems like a threat at first becomes a blessing because all this experience does is freeing up room in your awareness of your own divine self.  This divine self is a higher state of being that already IS….and by freeing up your insides, you can glimpse this new and amazing world that is just waiting for you to climb on board to discover.  By being willing to let the past be forgiven as long as people were willing to admit to their crimes, Nelson Mandella was able to provide a way out of Apartheit, and was able to give his country a new direction.  While many wanted blood for blood, Mandella insisted upon forgiveness, and the country moved very quickly, in a revolutionary way, through this period in its history where an unprecedented shift in power from the powerful to the relatively powerless occurred.  Amazing.  And perfect.

         The effect that forgiveness has is like how it feels to be carrying a heavy weight all the time that is suddenly released. Because you feel justified in carrying around your victimhood, you don’t really notice too much how heavy the burden gets.  But its effect is very real on you.  Can you remember when you were a kid when you withheld forgiveness from someone and how it made you feel? I can remember having someone on my bad side and I can remember how hard it was to maintain my anger or hurt towards them.  I didn’t always realize it at the time, but when I gave up my hurt or anger or other negative position, I felt a feeling of relief.  I no longer had to maintain this angry state around this person.  I could forgive them and be done with it!  On one side is the feeling of holding onto hurt.  Its understandable that you were hurt by someone or by an event  that took place in your past. But what you may not realize is just how heavy that energy is of hurt.  Much of this is ego-related.  We feel justified in feeling hurt because of how important our own being is.  Surely your being is important, yes, but its greater good is not best served in holding grudges and hurts.   Its less that you say that your hurt is not important as it is that you simply recognize that the very act of holding onto it is hurting you and holding you back.  It isn’t that you give some silent validation to the act that served to hurt you, no, but that there is not going to be anything positive served in seeking to maintain this hurt in you, or to exact revenge or to somehow balance the scales by striking back at someone (whether directly or indirectly).  Forgiveness happens when the old argument inside of you can stop.  Never can forgiveness happen while you still remain embroiled in your own sense of investment in how you were hurt and how that hurt has to be righted.  The truth is the hurt is righted when YOU right it.  People will always do what their freewill moves them to do.  We cannot control others, nor can we even guarantee that the revenge or “justice” we seek will exact the proportional effect on that person that was done to us.  Yet, in our world, we are taught that this kind of justice is what balances the scales. 

The effect that forgiveness has on your physiology is huge. When we allow ourselves to feel relief, happiness,  and other emotions that can come about as a result of forgiveness what we are doing is literally changing our physiological responses to certain things in our lives, mainly our reaction to those things that keep us tied up in knots and steeped in karmic entanglements, and attachment.  By learning to cultivate grace in our lives, we are better able to forgive and move on instead of allowing our bodies to take the huge hit that this anger, fear, worry, sadness, or victimization can have upon us. The effect that this physiology can do involves, among other things, how cortisol burns through your body and eventually it can have an effect on your body’s ability to feel normal.    Forgiveness can also begin to wipe away karma because forgiveness is one of the few spiritual acts of Power that has as profound an effect upon us and our futures than just about any other act other than an act of Love.  Forgiveness is, in all truth, an extension of love.  By being able to forgive, we are learning how to love unconditionally, and the energy which pulses through the universe is such a love, something that animates without regard to race or creed or background or right or wrong. We all deserve to be supported and loved. We are all deserving of forgiveness and the new lease it gives not as much to the forgiven as it gives to the person who has withheld forgiveness.

For other excerpts you can use the search field on the site to search "book excerpt" or go here for the first excerpt posted:  Book Introduction Excerpt   

The second excerpt  is Here.

 

Book Excerpt 3

This excerpt, from the book I am writing, is from the beginning of the work describing the events that led up to my awakening.  I had about a six month period of unusual events that took place prior to the more complete and continuous flow of energy through my system.  These events took place beginning in 2006.

Not long after this, in early September, I had an experience where I felt as though some kind of message was being sent to me, but I could not make out exactly what was being communicated. This then gave way later to what I can only describe as a feeling of melting into a state of love and compassion. I felt as though I was being softened, or melted.  Along with it came a lot of emotion.  I was  moved to tears by the breadth of this feeling.  I became aware of a man and woman standing beside me, in the room with me, but they were not visible.  I tried to figure out who they were, but their presence was so obvious, so certain, I was left wondering just what this was all about.  As I looked into the area where it felt like they were, I felt this unfolding sense of love and joy.  For as off my rocker as someone might have thought I was, this was one of the clearest and most simple and sublime feelings I had felt in a long time.  I wondered what this all meant. My mind sought to describe, or explain it all as my feeling self soaked it up.   It felt like something was giving way inside, as though some barrier was falling.  Given how my life had been, this was a welcomed change even though it was not something I could not explain or put into any context that sounded sensible in ordinary terms.

Over the next few months I began to notice some unusual things, all mostly occurring when I laid down to sleep.  I began to see lights projected onto the walls, lights that looked like phosphorescent glows, lights whose source I could not determine.  At one point I tried shining a light through a window, thinking that perhaps that it was some distant car light or street light.  I found that the light could not reach the places where I had seen the glowing lights.  A shelving unit stood in the way, and try as I might, nothing rational made any sense.   None of this caused me too much alarm in the sense that there wasn’t a feeling of anything being scary.  All of this seemed like odd phenomenon, for sure, but absent an explanation that made any sense, I went about life as usual.

Then, in mid October, as I worked in the studio, I felt a sudden growing sense inside of me that I was somehow on to something.  I couldn’t explain it any more than that, but it was a very clear feeling, and it was one that reminded me of other instances in the past with brushes with what some would term nonordinary reality.  It was as if some trap door had opened beneath me cognitively and a whole stream of information was rushing in, but at first I wasn’t even aware of just what this stream was.  I kept feeling as though something inside of me was trying to tell me something, and I began to feel the first stirrings of what I would later know as an Awakening. 

This feeling was like a sensual, even erotic passion flowing through my entire being.  It was simple and very straightforward.  It had an innocence and directness about it that was hard to ignore.  It felt sexual, but it had a unifying quality to it which gathered my focus and attention in a way that served to bring me to a place where I began to feel the energy turn into thoughts, an experience that was nearly identical to my memory of the vision.  The presence in the storm emeged first as a powerful energy, and out of this energy came thoughts, and from the thoughts came words.  It was very much like  how a flower blooms first from a bud into a fully formed flower.  It also very much felt as though my imagination was connecting or interfacing with some powerful energy that I sensed deep down was the truest thing, even if it didn’t originate in the mind but the feeling end of my being. I felt as though my mind or awareness was being informed or aligned to this energy, but it wasn’t so strong at this point that I considered it much beyond anything but my active imagination, or an inspired moment.  Because of my work as an artist, I am used to being in the grip of a new idea, and follow the stream of inspiration wherever it might lead.  Within this, I felt a stream of knowing that focused on nature.  It brought with it a knowing that nature has a flow of passionate feeling energy,with it came the utmost certainty that plants felt the yearning for embrace that humans feel, that this was the very pulse of all life, that this pulse of life is in ALL of nature.  This served to animate all of life in a yearning to create, to become.  This continued off an on throughout the day until I felt compelled to put it to word. Once I had completed my work for the day  I sat down to my computer tand wrote.  I had a stream of words that poured out of me so fast, it was hard later for me to believe that I even wrote what I did as fast as I did, all with no edits. For some reason I typed in the time and waited for the words to come.  I was shocked to find they came so quickly, and glanced at the computer clock to see how much time had transpired.  The piece as written is below:

The Yearning

The fields are wet from rain after the corn has been harvested.  Trees slowly turn from green to yellow, then gold.  The air cools and the mind thinks back on days when life was brimming over and the air was thick with the smell of pollen.  The same corn, now nothing but stubble, stood gold and green with tassels swaying with the breeze, releasing its sweet nutty smell.   To some it was just a delightful thing  that marks the passage of seasons.  To me, its more than that.  It speaks of life seeking its own, making itself over; a new generation.  A yearning, a leaning toward the wind in the hopes that Nature will take care of Nature, and carry its life giving sweetness on the air to waiting seeds, waiting for that breath of life, that germ of passion that makes the flowers grow, and makes life turn ‘round once more in the endless cycles this world is known for.

Seeds and plants and pollen, all lean into passion in ways we can scarcely imagine.  For this is the glue that keeps life going.   For them, it must be pleasurable, a passionate act of giving, a release, an immersion into a mystery far older than our own known seasons, our own individual lives and experiences.  For this is the gravity that pulls them, moves them to continue.  How can it be any other?  Why then would life seek to replace itself through an act as perfunctory as the dropping of an apple from a tree?  No, the drop of the apple is not perfunctory, or a second thought, but part of a yearning to become, a part of merging with some larger dance.  If trees can’t feel this, then why continue?  Why go on?  Perhaps in measures we can only guess or imagine, there is some divine spark of wantonness, of passion and pleasure bound up within their shells of being.  How can it be any other?  Perhaps there is a secret life these rooted beings feel that is beyond our ken, beyond our too quickened ways.  We have been “beyond” these beings for so long that they are now “just plants.”  And yet, they are more.  They will speak if only you will listen, and they yearn to tell of this ancient dance, this incredible desire and passion bound up within every cell of their being, so it pays if you will only listen.

I know that seeds seek and yearn and hope and dream; dreams perhaps that are so different I could never scarcely imagine or see them for what they are.  And yet, it seems inescapable that these creatures, ancient as all of life here, yearn for the touch of pollen upon their seed pods and enclosures, waiting patiently for the bee to carry their spawn beyond them into other regions where others await the touch of the life giving sparks that enliven and awaken a new generation.  Even the warming caress of sun and drenching rain is an act of divine providence, or giving in a wheel that knows no end and no beginning.  Quiet and still, these beings mask their greater inner lives.

So even we do these same things, even we make this dance of longing and yearning, so old and ancient that its root can escape us as we are caught up as if in some whirlwind, some deeper dance both of passion and letting go as we give ourselves to life’s great mystery, to its passionate embrace, and longing that brings us to this place, this wonder filled state where our minds and bodies and hearts are excited beyond the normal trebling that life gives or provides.

To touch my eye with your eye, to touch smile to smile, or hand to hand, we join in this ancient dance, this passionate longing for life seeking to complete itself, and in so doing, complete ourselves.  Round and round we turn, like stars upon an endless wheel that rolls and ducks and sways in the lost night of time.  We are carried one by the other, some by our imaginings, some by the reality, but always by the same glue that keeps life turning turning back and forward at once, calling to the roots of what it was to the heavens of what it will become.

So as our hands embrace, our smiles merge, as face becomes face, and eye becomes eye; as flesh becomes flesh, we excite in this dance, this subtle movement first tentative, then more certain as we are gathered by the compass of its certainty, of its need to move as it moves, which is ever forward into endless days and tomorrows.

We came here as boundless beings who knew neither limit nor touch, and followed down into narrow pathways into minds of earthlings, like spirits on a cosmic voyage, we entered the world of limit and pain and loneliness, only to be called back by forces that were brought to bear in this world, moving us through realms of limit and bounding to that greater reminder that this is a dance of mystery, passion, and love.  In this love we touch the infinite, wrapped in that which pulls and grabs us like hawk talons grasping talons in a spiral dance of yearning, moving us one step beyond this one, seeking the divine, seeking the infinite.  10/13/06   -  7:30-7:34 p.m.

After I had finally put this to word, had saved it on my computer, I turned to leave the studio.  On my way home, I suddenly found myself driving past the turn onto our road to the house.  Acting on sheer impulse, I kept driving into town, just a few more miles.  I didn’t know why, but it was a spur of the moment thing. I wound up in a convenience store. I got something to drink and was standing there wondering why I ended up in this place.  I turned to look at the magazine rack.  Everything on the display was full of monster trucks, guns, weight lifting magazines, and all sorts of things I wasn’t interested in. I kept looking, though, and at the end of the rack was a spinning card rack that obscured the rest of the magazines behind it.  I peered around this display and saw in the far corner, completely obscured from normal view, one magazine on science.  I reached for the magazine and began leafing through its pages. In its center, there was a story about plants and the seeds they produce.  There were photographs of very small seeds shot at high resolution, and they were amazing to look at.  The story was how seeds get carried around, how their shape helped them to be dispersed, and how their pollen was spread, how the pollen itself was shaped so that it clung to objects, how it would ride the air for miles in the hopes of drifting into the waiting funnel of a flower, fertilizing it. I saw the phrase pop out at me from the page:  “When it comes to seeds, its all about sex.”  My jaw dropped.  Only hours earlier I had been writing about all of what was being described on these pages. I tucked the magazine under my arm and headed home. This was what would become the first of countless synchronistic events that would become a fixture of this experience.

During this time I used a technique a friend passed on to me which involved utilizing the healing effects of our own energy field.  I found much to my surprise that in rather short order that someone was turning on a light very suddenly while I was meditating, something that always brought me out of the experience.  I learned that I was causing something to happen inside of me that would account for these bursts of light, something that my friend who gave me the technique described as riding a quantum wave.  He wrote back to me excited saying “This is the experience of the quantum wave, and when you become aware of this happening, your attention in the moment serves to break that wave!  It’s a very tricky thing, I will grant you, but if you can learn how to ride this wave, it can be very healing!”

Not long after this, I  began to see strange phosphorescent markings on the walls at night. I began also to hear distant voices talking or singing, and these would keep up until I mentioned something about it, which always caused the particular voice to go away, to be replaced by a different one just days later.  These voices were always in the background and I could never make out what was being said.  None of this worried me too much since nothing about the phenomenon would suggest anything negative.  When I was younger I had heard voices on a few occasions and had lived in a house that had had a ghost that made breathing noises (which WAS strange).  The voices I heard were mild in comparison, so nothing about this part of the experience stirred any deep anxiety or concern. 

My dreams during this time began to take on a depth and intensity that was noticeable.  In one dream I followed a mountain stream to its headwaters where I found a temple. I knew right away that the water  was my spirit-this is one of my oldest and most dependable symbols in dream.  As I stood in this water I could see its colors swirling around me, bearing streams of light around me and filling me with a feeling  that  felt familiar but I didn’t know from where. I wound up feeling, instead, very curious about where this was leading, and if this was something that was somehow imaginary.  Being an artist, I wasn’t a stranger to the imaginary, and while what I was going through was miles from anything I could have come up with normally, I went along with it without any fear or significant apprehension.  

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The Path To The Transcendant

Within each person is the means to reaching a fuller sense of being, a way towards understanding and experiencing life in a way that frees you from the prison that has been life.  I use this term with the understanding that it is we who have made this prison.  It has been built by us each choice by choice.
The way out is fairly simple.  Understanding how to live a life that is married to the transcendent is, I feel, what we all yearn for within.  We want very much to feel connected to something larger.  This something larger is your birthright.  To get there, a few prerequisites....

At the front of your awareness, normally, is your ego and mind.  They are so present that most people aren't even aware of them.  Its like that ring on your finger you had there for so long that you forget its even there.  What all of this is about is letting down mind and ego, and when you do this the universe comes into view.  I have some ideas about how we can go about letting that universe in based on clues in my own awakening.  Everyone is different, certainly, and not everything will work for everyone.  I never did those things that we are told we must do through other traditions such as the Hindu one which involves mediation and clearing the nadis, part of your energy system.  What I did do, which is very telling to me, is I released an old burden emotionally that I had been holding onto for years.  As a result of a vision I had at age 18, I was left wondering what it all meant for me now because it dealt with events that I was told would come to pass.  I spent years feeling like I was not doing enough to understand it, to honor it in the right way.  As a result of this I had a knot of guilt and frustration over the whole thing. For years I merely ignored it, unable to come to any conclusion.  Finally, though, I wound up staring at a page about the thunder beings, which this vision was about.  There, on the page, this man was giving a speech before a tribal council and he gave his phone number.  I had a draft of a letter to another elder that I was going to send hoping to gain some insight on this matter, but something about it bothered me. I couldn't quite pin it.  I kept writing it and rewriting it.  As I sat there, what would be the fourth and final draft of the letter sat ready to be mailed.  For whatever reason I knew I had to call this man.  The interesting thing that happened was that not a lot of resolved or explained.  This kind man listened to my story and then suggested that perhaps it was time for another vision quest...what I found from speaking to him was that I felt about 80 pounds lighter.  I had let go of something that had been occupying my mind in such a way that I was not fully aware of just how much it was weighing me down.  Suddenly, somehow, I felt as though I had confessed my sins to some priest (I am not Catholic, but I assume this must be what it is like), and was released from it somehow.  I felt so much better.  Somewhere, in there, I realized that it was all going to be okay, and I was able to forgive myself.

After that, I began to feel very different.  I began to feel as though a presence was calling me, making itself known to me as if it were upon the breeze, somewhere "off over there somewhere" as I felt into this sudden awareness of something more.  I felt how I belonged to a realm of being, a family of consciousness.  After that, more and more things took place.  While I do not meditate in any organized way, I do sink into what is essentially a meditative state.  I also did do one meditation which may have helped to spark what I call waveform awareness.  I have discussed this a number of times and its what is behind getting the hang of this type of awareness.  I contend that its a lot easier to do when you divest yourself of something, or things, that may be weighing on you. These things quite literally drag you down, keep you engaged in ego and mind without your realizing it.  We are so used to solving a problem like this when there really is not solving it other than finding a way to just let it go.  If its a problem to you, then surely your mind and ego together have sought a way to deal with it. Like me, you will find that you do not solve anything.  You let it go. The past is the past.  You are no longer in that past.  The power that you have resides in the moment.  So in this life, be in the moment.  This is where you can change things for the better by simply being different.  Letting go of those chew bones of the mind, the mind has nothing to do and when you can let the mind go in a quiet and contemplative way and feel into your being....you can become aware of what has always been within you but carefully covered over.  Doing this, you effectively release a damming up of your awareness and your energy field. Perhaps you imagine yourself stripping down, imagining that you are removing layers.  Perhaps, also, you try Qi Gong, something that has been very helpful for me later on when I became more aware of the blocks in my field. You then can let the universe through.  By feeling into yourself you find that place where the universe can be felt. The mind and ego are filters, though, so they have to go, set aside for a bit.  They are important for small tasks, but not helpful when trying to conceive of the universe.  Lighten your being, breath, and focus on the third eye.  Be quiet.  Be so quiet and still that there is no other focus but the third eye.  If you drift, return.  Keep returning and then focus on nothing else.  Over time, you will find yourself as if you were dreaming....something is happening.  What is happening is that you have moved from particalized egoic awareness to the wave form.  its not bad to fall asleep.  I often meditate prior to bed so that if I do fall asleep, its a bonus.  I can get back to it the next day.  The universe is beginning to enter in.  If you are ready for an awakening, you may find a host of other symptoms that begin to take place as this energy situates itself within you.

You are a being of many layers.  Out front is normally your mind and ego.  The ego is most often the part of us that is tasked with deciding what we want.  These wants can be shaped by the limited perspective that the ego has, and as a result, can also house wants reflective of our beliefs.  Our beliefs are whatever we accept, and within us is a tendency to look to an authority for what it is that is important, or what we think we need.  In a family situation, you learn from your parents and family, but you take on belief from others around you, including media.  Its understood in sales that we as humans have a built in resistance to anything new until we are bombarded by it enough.  I can remember being told that after a given number of "no's" said to a sales person that the average person will eventually cave in and begin saying yes.  This is similar to how horses are trained by the horse whisperer.  What this man has discovered is that horses have a built-in flight response which is aroud a kilometer.  Something curious will happen with a horse after it has satisfied its flight response; it will essentially "give up" and accept whomever is nearest it as its leader and its nature will become suddenly succeptible to whatever direction its given.  The horse whisperer uses this as a way for training the horse to take direction form the human "leader."  So understanding this principle that plays out in people as well as horses, you can see how succeptible we are on a psychological and biological level to patterning which also includes beliefs.

When you look at how the world is, how media is oriented within it, our beliefs could well be informed by those things which are the antithesis of this transcendent state.  This transcendent state is simply your super conscious, your larger self, and this self exists with a higher sense of right and goodness.  It is part of a vast system of cooperation, creation, and fulfillment that is beyond most any smaller-scale fulfillment's, which is why when you are situated within the ego mind that when you seek to manifest things in your life that are not for your higher good, they simply will not come to be.  These smaller scale fulfillment's are not bad, they are simply the most immediate things that the self seems to want, or believes that it wants.  Since its subject to beliefs of what it wants, it can also be formed and shaped.  By being exposed to the way media is today, it doesn't take much to see how formed people can be, even on subtle levels.  After 9/11, we wound up invading Iraq.  All of the prerequisites were there to help solidify public support for such a move, but to this date, there is no evidence linking Iraq to what happened on 9/11.  In fact, Wesley Clark states in an interview that he saw plans just days after 9/11 for invading a series of countries which included Libya, Egypt, and Syria.  This is just now playing out with our involvement in these other countries for one reason or another.  To consider that rebellion could be fomented by those people on the ground, influenced or supported by our own covert agencies in the U.S. is troubling, but shows how these "arguments" are constructed, formed, and to what great lengths a country will go for meddling in another country.  Freedom at work.  But this is just to illustrate how your beliefs can indeed be shaped out of whole cloth fabrication. By learning to FEEL into the truth, beyond all the mentalizing and egoic struggling, there lies a pulse of love.  This is not a love FOR something, the kind of love we most often feel in our particle individualized consciousness, but a love that literally animates all of life and IS life. the very source of life.  Its not something you have to do anything for but to simply be. Like a birthright, or a lovely inheritance. 

As you awaken more and more, you begin to sense, feel, know, that there is a deeper form of authority within and that you do not need to look for it outside of yourself.   This is one reason, not surprisingly, why people who are awakened, reach a place almost universally, where they have to turn off the t.v. and also be careful what music they listen to or what movies they watch because buried within the message is an energetic alignment that is out of whack with what their insides are telling them.  I know I am taking a bit of a peripheral view in explaining some of this, but hopefully you can begin to understand in a more tangible way how the mechanics of manipulation can take place. Then, you can become more free by choosing no longer to be afraid or caught in the vise of whatever happens to be going on.  You can be a more natural human being, and happier, too. 

The presence of this transcendent self is beginning to influence your wants and behavior as its presence is known.  When you understand that many of your wants may not be based on your deeper needs but something that is part of a script, you can begin to be more aware of what is happening to you. I am not suggesting that everything you have been told is not true or that its the result of a vast conspiracy, but that most of what is in our world has been so mixed up in distortions that it can be hard to reach the still deeper self.   Karma is tied up in this, and karma is most often emotional in nature.  Fear of not fitting in, needing to out-Jones the Jones's.....we call this competitiveness, but it also points to a fear of failure, a feeling of needing to prove ones self for fear of not being adequate, or needing others' approval.  All of this keeps the ego in motion, engaged in your psyche, and it also can help keep awakening at bay because this awakening happens when you begin to disengage from the falsehood that exists, the distortions in reality, in this level of awareness.  The higher self does not need this stuff, it knows that it is perfect because of where it is in the cosmic order.  This is so because the higher self is situated within the energy of love and love never seeks to do harm, nor does it seek to work against the larger good.  This is what ascetics call disengaging from the world of "illusion."  While we may not feel good about ourselves, its because of some misalignment within ourselves in comparison to our higher being.

Once you begin to examine your outer layer stuff, you can begin the work that will help to remove these layers of illusion....getting back to what you what you genuinely need and what will be best for you and your long term goals and happiness.  The path is simple and is through feeling.  Realize that this self exists outside of time and as a result can make decisions in what seems nanoseconds with an incredible deftness and attention to detail.  If there is something up ahead that might make a choice your ego wants to accept but that it cannot see (because it is a very limited part of your being and unable to wrap itself around this timeless dimension), then whatever it is that is not good for you and your higher good, will simply not be.  The ego itself does not have the power to intend things so they manifest in your life.  Ego will decide based on very immediate surface things.  The transcendent sense of self which is plugged into the entirety of the universe has the power and means to manifest nearly anything you need. This is because it IS the energy of the universe.  Your self needs to be able to come to a place where it not only knows this, but has beliefs that truly support this notion...less that it needs the power of belief behind it, and more that it needs those beliefs that simply support it.    A small but important difference.

In order to get to the core of your power as an unlimited being requires you to move beyond the veils, the layers of yourself to get to this boundless self.  In truth the individual self has very limited power until it learns to let go of its idea of individual awareness here in order to begin to soak up this cosmic flow just "beyond" you  (seemingly). To do this, though, requires that you leave ego behind.  It requires that you surrender your emotional baggage, your karmas, before you can begin to experience samadhi, satori, or bliss. You CAN feel this bliss without surrender, but it will be more as though you have abided by the river side rather than jumping into its curents.  Reaching this state is like suddenly finding yourself before a vast ocean of being. At first it seems like this ocean is not you, but once situated within it, you realize it IS you.  It is all of us.And it is love. It is all the love you never got, all the love you refused yourself without realizing it. No matter how much you loved another, it could be that it was somehow never enough. that was because something was missing.  What was missing was the love of the universe filling you and making a real woman or man of you.  This love is orgasmic, it is the deepest form of love affair with the cosmic, and it will reflect back to you everything that you are until you refine and become more like it. Not that YOU are erased.  You aren't. Think of this force as being like a parent who is showing you how to be.  A father admonishes the child, correcting her, showing her how to be....and over time, she learns the correct habits and attitudes so that they become more like a habit, and then she does not have to work at it so hard. In some ways, this is like this....learning how to grow up in a new way, learning how to become a new kind of person all without ever shedding the beautiful mark of your own individuality and personality.  Because this energy is so vast, it has room for you to be whomever you wish, but because of how this love is, this divine pulse, it will show you how to be if you look to it as the one who can model the best that is within you. You do not need a religion for this.  You need only let this force in like a lover sneaks in through the back gate and into your chamber. This force will love you perfectly if you turn your attention to it, which means turning from your mind long enough to glimpse this shimmering realm of love.  You need only follow it and always ask fo it how you can be a more perfect lover for it....and it will show you.

This is the core energy of the universe, of all things that shape and mold the world we know.  This is the intelligence that created dna, that gives shape to molecules, to gravity, and to the cellular structures of simple and complex life forms.  This organizing energy is creative and it is constantly forming and reforming in countless worlds.  Our world is not merely material that gives rise to life, but rather this energy IS the material world.  When you step behind the curtain of your present ego awareness, you dip into this vast ocean and you can literally have an influence upon events.  Having said this, this does not mean that you can wreak havoc or bring the world to total peace.  It does not work that way.  This is a higher intelligence and while its powerful, so is free will.  Free will is what can make a very egoic person do things that are not in the interest of the whole.  This is what leads to senseless suffering when the planet could be liberated by the sense of cooperativeness and pushing the species and the rest of the planet upwards to a better tomorrow instead of a world where people do terrible things.  Its not that  some god is silent as much as this spirit is present in ALL things and set up this lab of a planet to learn about being co-creative and in order to do this, we need to understand how our actions can cause real effects in the world.

Creation is itself the very epitome of intention, so in order to learn to be a good creator, you and I must be free to learn the ropes of this type of being.  This means that free will must reign supreme.  Some would say that this world is not real, and I have to disagree.  Nothing created by consciousness is NOT real.  A creation gives form to this creative force in all things.  In order to create sanely, we need to learn how to handle the reins and responsibility that this act involves.  Understanding this one prerequisite will help you to understand how this marvelous intelligence which you can feel within you works.  While we may wring our hands and wonder "where is God?" in the midst of bad events, we must understand tha this presence is all around us every moment.  It is literally in everything.  It animates everything.  Its as though our consciousness literally rides upon a wave that is this vast force.  The more you can do to become aware of it in your body, the better able you are to understand how it can be utilized to give you a better life.

I am not suggesting that this power be used to help you win the lottery, although if its in your highest for this to happen, there are ways where this could happen. The trick is being clear enough within yourself to know what will in the end really make you happiest and most fulfilled.  While most people would say that winning the lottery would make them happiest, I need only think of the many people who, a year after having won, find themselves in a less than ideal situation.  Some wind up being "taken" in investment scams, or jealousy in the family or amongst friends takes it toll.  Because of the life they led up to that point and the karmas attracting those people to them, they often wind up in bad situations that weren't so good for them.  By simply going to the store to buy a ticket and winning, they effected a very physical change in their life, one which their ego told them would be good for them. On the other side of the coin are also people who were happy and fulfilled by their choice to play and then win the lottery.  It all depends on where your inner glitches lie.  The superself, though, is never wrong, and even if it keeps us from landing that seemingly perfect job or wining the lottery, there are things ahead that will wind up helping to serve our greater purpose in the end.  To do this, though, requires a leap of faith.  This is hard and its something that causes the ego to want to jump in and try to manage.    This happens when there is fear or uncertainty.  This is the one emotion that blocks access to the higher self.

Part of an awakening is learning to stay our of fear and stay in the bliss of the boundless awareness that is in everything.  This is done also by keeping the ego mind in its place enough for this universal flow to move through you.  When you give in to fear, you effectively put a kink in your essence as a vessel for your divine or super self.  When you do that, you block yourself from the larger dominion of your being.  Learning how to allow this flow to move through you is the next evolutionary wrinkle in your being on this planet.  By learning to be in this flow, you learn to move this energy through you and as you do that, you can begin to direct this energy for the good of your own life and for the good of all.  Nothing else is as important as that.  When you learn to direct this universal flow in your life, you are literally learning how to create at a whole new level.  You are a multi-leveled being and by opening in this way you are learning about a part of yourself a vast dominion of your being that straddles physical reality and time.  This being exists both in and out of time all at once.  This being is capable of communicating a feeling what others feel.

This being can also learn to create in a way that is in harmony with a higher purpose.  This higher purpose will always create that which is best.  Since you are also a being that is learning, you may have things happen in the midst of this which may seem to be accidents, things out of alignment with peace and harmony.  This is because you can begin to feel and direct this universal energy before you have completely divested yourself of those things that stand in the way of being one with this larger sense of self.  the biggest impediment is karma....and karma, as I have said, is itself a misalignment, most often emotionally, with the larger or higher purpose or self. It is also a misalignment with reality.

As is often the case, we can have opinions and attitudes about things that are less about how things really are as we feel them to be or believe them to be.  If our own insides are not in tune with the universe, then it will feel and wish and hope for things based on this lack of alignment and can bring about creations that do not always work out perfectly.  If you remain engaged, willing to learn from these mistakes, you will find the thing that was at odds in the act of creating and will help you to learn to take the guidance of the higher self better in the future.  The good thing, though, is that this higher self wont ever be wrong. If you can simply sit back and hand the reins over to this higher self it will guide you.  You might not feel like you are in control like you used to be, but then having your ego in control of the universe would be very dangerous indeed.  Ego is good for very limited things.  It can help you to discern between me and the, a necessary thing for living in a dual universe, but it is only the first layer of experience...a bit like the shimmering light on the surface of the water. Beyond the surface lies something much larger, boundless, and this is the universe which you are a part of in a much larger way than you can imagine.

The way to this state of being is by learning how to move from particle awareness to wave awareness.  Particle awareness is your egoic awareness.  It is limited, but it is also an important aspect of your experience here.

The other part is the wave form of awareness, and in this state your particle shifts into an alliance with the energy of the universe in building a wave that is limitless in potential.  the more is succumbs or surrenders to this state of being, the more aware it is of this larger wave.  Out of this wave, you can channel the energy of the universe in creating here on this planet.  Out of this you can see and learn things about the mystery of being.  It is quite literally at your fingertips because the energy is shimmering and alive.  As you are perched upon this wave, you can draw any amount of inspiration from it.  You can also simply rest in bliss as some monks have done, happy to simply ride that wave of the All.  Learning how to ride this wave and be in this bliss AND operate in the world all at the same time is the practice of mastery.  To do this requires that you allow the influence of the bliss to enter into your life and change it.

Anyone can feel this bliss of the All, and they can do this through the layers of karmic entanglement, and you can in a sense be perched in what I call superposition, a term used by quantum physicists, but with all the material you still contain, the effects will be limited.  But as you use the energy to help create a better arrangement of your being by doing the work of divesting yourself of those "clods" that serve to block the flow of this energy, you begin to see real change in who you are, how you respond to others, and to your belief system, which begins to change and become more aligned to this larger reality of being.

If your beliefs are limiting, your experience wil likewise be limited also.  If, for example, you have an incomplete knowing about good and evil, for example, your perception of this energy might reflect something that is less that focused or resolved.  There will invariably be distortions in your mind and body about what all of this is about.  By having beliefs that are more in alignment with the ay things are, you will begin to feel and know this higher self in a more complete and clear way.  It will also change your behavior and you will begin to mature spiritually.

To get to a new level, learning to listen to this larger self and learn from it, you can effect change in your life.  this requires a great deal of faith and surrender.  This is not easy to do, but very recently I was willing to listen to this deeper self and it was able to guide me perfectly in the direction that I sorely needed in order to get through a hard period in my life.  It feels like we are taking our hands off the wheel, and in many ways we are.  Learning to let go is not irresponsible.  Learning to let go means you still tend to the day to day things necessary in life.  You do not simply remove yourself from life, no, but with the bigger things in your life, you simply allow the bigger part of you to take control and guide the bus. 

Now what I am going to tell you is that as a result of this experience, you can learn how to unhook from the grid of control that is part of this world.  Instead of simply being in the world but not of it, my sincere feeling is that we are here to learn to create in as high a vibration as we can. We are human and we are imperfect, but we are also learning to hook into and dial into this self which is not entangled in our world as we are.  By feeling into this larger self, very often you can simply sense what is not quite right in things of this world and it can serve to help you to steer away from it and to create something different.

When I awakened, I began to feel, in a slightly paranoid way, that there was something seriously amiss with the world.  I could just FEEL it.....but since I was only marginally tuned in, I could not quite get what it was.  As my awakening came on more strongly, I began to see evidence of how wrong the world was.  I realized that there was a lot about our world that simply was not being talked about much, and those who did were labeled loonies. What is so ironic is that now, those conspiracy "nutjobs" are now being called correct in their assessment of what was underway with our world (this has even trickled into mainstream media in regards to world government, for example---and this was reported on Fox even!).

Taking a broader view, I was able to understand how other energies were involved in the game of control in our world.  I understood that consciousness, the very nature of it, is made so it can form alliances.  We do so in forming the waveform of awareness.  We literally merge with the collective awareness to become "one."  Likewise, every cell in your body has its own unique awareness, and your own awareness 'rides' on the wave of its being as literally billions of cells live and die in the moment, replacing themselves with the right speed to maintain the wave that is your body and being.  This is an example of the built in 'code' that governs the entire universe, most notably life here.  This cooperative experience is what we are, it is the essence of us, and unfortunately this can also mean that we can make alliances with forces which are probably not so good for us in the long run.

So to the meat of this....it is now possible, through the power of superposition or cosmic awareness to intend a better world. Things are not so good right now, but we can in our time stop being passive and begin to take a more active role in our gifts to the world.  We can mediate each morning and intend that the best world come about for the good of all, wishing or hoping or praying for a better world to come about in these times....a world that is guided more and more by this cosmic principle.  And then you can also do more by taking classes that will help you to move energy blocks in your field so the energy will flow more freely. You might try running or exercising.  Movement helps a lot!  You might save up money and go to a conference or workshop on learning how to work in a higher manner for the good of all.  Maybe its a class taught by someone whose at the forefront of global awareness, or you might teach a class on your own of how to bring this awareness into your own body and those of your students. Maybe its a book club that deals with the new world or maybe you write your own book.  Maybe its as simple as volunteering to do work in your community in order to support a better local sense of togetherness.  By learning to co-create, you use what may seem a passive bliss energy to create out of this bliss instead of the old paradigm of separation.  Maybe you write an article for a yoga journal, or an online resource like Nonduality Magazine, or Nonduality America, or any number of other resources out there.  Perhaps you volunteer for hospice, or do work through a church or other organization.  Who knows what it could be.  But by bringing this vibration into the world you create something that shimmers with this energy.  By making the energy solid by manifesting it in the world, you literally push more good energy into the world.  Maybe you go pick up a handful of gravel and you pray over these little inconsequential pieces of rock and see yourself investing them with all the power of your awakened being, all the love that can flow through you, anchored in that stone, and then go about your day, placing these little stones everywhere you go..

As I sit and write this, it is possible for you to access a font of energy that is not just my energy but that of the entirety of he universe.  You can allow yourself in this moment to become inspired, hopeful, and awake about your place on the planet.  Free will will always rein, yes, so in this case you can also use your free will to put some of the love into the world, for even the flutter of a butterfly does have some small effect.  By bringing in the intention of your boundless self, you bring the power of a universe of such wings into the moment!

For those of you wanting some exercise that might help you reduce your inner junk (as I call it), I suggest that you go back to this page and scroll down to the bottom to find the link near the end.  In it, you will be led to a meditation by Osho that I think you can find to be useful in releasing the inner junk that can lead to feeling the bliss of this experience. I say this because in the book I am writing I can see that there was a link between my letting go of some old buried guilt I had been carrying and my feeling a sense of release as well as a sense of needing to make some changes in my life. The spirit was very willing and just a nudge in the right direction set me on a course with an Awakening.  I cannot say it will be so for you, but I understand that if you are overburdened with karmic stuff, it might be hard to begin to feel the first strains of this revolutionary energy.  Ultimately only your own soul can know if its right for you for this particular time, but if it is right for you then by using intention and asking for the right signs and teachers or helpers or events to come into your life to help burgeon your awakening, then it will happen.  In fact, nothing can stop it from happening.  It is our birthright....

Nemaste

Ancients Speak

Its been said before
over and over
in and out of dogma
entrained within it
not because of it
perhaps only because that was all there was
so fitting it to their purpose they wrote
wearing the lenses
that they surely had to wear absent any others
to view this mystery through....

Symeon the New Theologian (900 A.D.) said it well:

We awaken in Christ’s body
as Christ awakens our bodies,
and my poor hand is Christ, He enters
my foot, and is infinitely me.

I move my hand, and wonderfully
my hand becomes Christ, becomes all of Him
(for God is indivisibly
whole, seamless in His Godhood).

I move my foot, and at once
He appears like a flash of lightning.
Do my words seem blasphemous? — Then
open your heart to Him

and let yourself receive the one
who is opening to you so deeply.
For if we genuinely love Him,
we wake up inside Christ’s body

where all our body, all over,
every most hidden part of it,
is realized in joy as Him,
and He makes us, utterly, real,

and everything that is hurt, everything
that seemed to us dark, harsh, shameful,
maimed, ugly, irreparably
damaged, is in Him transformed

and recognized as whole, as lovely,
and radiant in His light
he awakens as the Beloved
in every last part of our body.

St Theresa of Avilla wrote in a similar way,

another who was similarly awakened to divine union
(this piece is attributed to her however we do not know
absolutely that it is from her) however when we think of the second coming
the second coming is awakening to this spark that is within every human being
regardless of race, religion or creed:

Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
     no hands but yours,
     no feet but yours,
Yours are the eyes through which to look out
     Christ's compassion to the world
Yours are the feet with which he is to go about
     doing good;
Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.

Symeon ran into a little trouble when he began to suggest that ANYONE could experience the divine on their own rights, that farmers, business owners, married people...anyone from any walk of life could likewise experience this direct union with the divine.  Not having read too deeply into this, seems some in the church didn't like this.  This same form of desire for control and for setting ones self up as some irrefutable authority must be considered and looked out for.  Ego taints so much, sadly.  It will grab something that run with it (I know of which I speak).  Being willing to be humble and led by this and by no other authority I think is what works best for me.  I may not know, but if I ask, it is generally known as we come to this was eyes opened, we can peer into the very essence of life....this divine experience which enlivens all things...

Having gone through this experience it is sometimes interesting to see how others have described it....less for helping one to understand it as simply another voice in the chorus. By keeping away from trying to dress this in more than it needs to be, but to simply let it move through us, we learn the posture most needed, which is like a lover who fills us and suggests by his or her movement, how we should move, or be or feel.  Most often, its simply surrender....letting go....and then this experience floods into us in what can only be described as nothing short of orgasmic, divine, blissful, not knowing anything that has to do with shame or guilt....and we are loosened of our own inner issues as we are slowly and gently massaged into that new shape we were meant to be, to accommodate this lover within us...

This is not a thought, but an actual experience in your body

and all of your insides...a direct experience of the divine.
Some might call it Christ, or God, or Atman, Brahma, Mother/Father God.
Whatever the name, the experience is the same.  This goes beyond labels,
beyond gurus.
Gurus merely point to it....but ultimately its yours to know
when it finds you.

How will you find this?  How will it find you?  How will it awaken, again, alive as if for the first time in you?

Devotee

To feel the Creator
God,
Mother/Father/Child triad
Atman
Great Spirit
Buddha
or Christ
Requires nothing more from you but devotion to a purpose
your being
your own purpose
beyond mind
singular vision and intent
for when you get there
it will not be what you expect
and in so being
will reprogram you from the inside out
and show you the divine path
out of the hard life
into the world where honey flows.
It can be much better for you
for each of us here....
but it means learning how to FEEL
to awaken to this feeling self
and when you do
you become a vessel
bit by bit
as you let go of karmas
those entangling alliances
those wrinkles in your being
as you are revealed to yourself
to this divine being
once in you
outside of you
of the great light
the greatest love you are ever going to feel.

Sitting quietly its force moves through me
just perfectly
lovingly
and I go about my day doing what I must do to continue
to untangle the knots in my hair
to make myself a better suitor
for its great and expansive love.
I am its devotee....


This is not attained by or through any other but through ones self.
Each must come to the God, Goddess, or Creator, on their own.
In the midst of this
S/He will be the trickster spirit it ever was
to get you to chase after those thing that will cause you suffering
not in order that you hurt or suffer
but that you become aware that this is hurting you
standing beside you
like some divine parent
watching as you hold onto a hot branding iron
unsure of why you hold onto it
smiling saying "you can let go.....let go....it will all be better...."
and the realization that you can let these things go
to achieve freedom
and the deepest joy which abides in whatever your conception is of a higher power
fills you bit by bit as you tease from the universe those bits of gold thread
that you use to weave the tapestry of your life
and fogive all for all they ever did to hurt you
so that the world may start anew
clean slate....
for this is the heart of the deepest and truest kindness
the greatest compasion
and boundless freedom....
looking everyone in the eye and seeing they each have equal capacity for divine....
we are like lost children
trying to find our way back
and if we could but find our way back
each of us
the world would resolve
gleaming with riches beyond all belief
as each tapestry reveals the gold won for our heart's desire
and which is bestowed freely
not greedily
but through a love that is perfect.

When you feel it flow through you
someone looks out through your eyes
it seems a bit strange
but the bliss is incredible
as you make love to this Creator
and it to you
for the language of the divine is this bliss.
Here, in this world, we have sabotaged ourselves
thinking sex bad.
Even the greatest adepts shun sex
in favor of something "higher."
This attitude shows how we do not revere the creation
and in not revering
we loath it
without realizing its just ourselves we loath
and do not love
and that grain
that bit of grit in us
serves to create seperation from divine bliss....
until we can make peace with this
we will continue with a bit of grit in our becoming
rolling around in the softest part of ourselves
until we learn to toss it out
and accept the love
that is our birthright
for ever this was as it has ever been
and when we toss out our dissease with it
we toss out the disease that has lurked in our psyche
for fear that what we felt was bad or wrong
or not acceptable.
For lain upon the alter of the divine
you will be seduced completely
and brought into the great pulse
that is the universe.
Not through shame
but out of it
you will feel how missing you have been
all this time
from the morning prayer
and continual union that is what we shall each become in our turn...
not because of any teacher
but because of that part in us within that finally has no fear
or loathing
or anger over how things have gone.
Just let it go.  You will know when it no longer affects you no matter how severe.
When you can speak kindly in the midst of their demonizing of you
will you be free....

If you ask to be shown
and lay aside all expectation or pretense
if you ask to be shown how it must be
instead of wrestling with your demons
just ask how it must be
and it will be shown to you.
When you are ready, it will happen.
There is something inevitable in all of this.
We each will come to this fire on our own
person by person
just as we left it
so shall we move back into its great light
force
power
love
and bliss.

If you simply give up your fear of how you might lose something
and just let it go and ask to see plainly
you will discover the most perfect love you will have ever known
for this love lays outside of karma
and the centuries of lifetimes spent killing
raping
pillaging
and abusing one another
and perpetuating a way of being that did not serve
the kingdom or samadhi or this bliss
that flows so freely through my veins
and lights up my body
in silent knowing.

You can know this
for in truth
it is simply learning how to feel.
And when you do
you will know whatever you wish to know.
By adhering to its great power
it will show you all that is yours
like a child of a great king and queen
who had a grand kingdom
to bestow upon their progeny
except this great inheritance will come to each of us
if you but ask to be shown what is your souls greatest need
the need to be brought back to the bosom of that great being
from which we all sprang
and to we each seek to ascend back to
not realizing that we each have its spark in us
and need only listen and feel into that spark
to find our way back.

This is not about wizardry or one-upping the competition.
Quietly, selflessly,
this thing turns
and does not seek to hurt or destroy of roll itself up in ego.
It is perfectly self assured
because the enitre universe is at its command.
Quietly, selflessly, following the pulse of your own divine purpose.
Like a child of a great king and queen
powerful beyond all imagining....
no child of such lineage would ever walk in fear or uncertainty.

Touching this will show you the finest love you will ever know.
It is a process of shedding
and you must be willing to devote yourself to that
knowing that the rest of infinity awaits
in perfect timing
for you to discover what is yours to be.

As your eyes are opened
you will see not the surface of life
but into it.
You will feel life
not simply gaze upon it like a stranger.
You will be one with it
through every single particle that exists
and as you finish the work of your own union within yourself
you will see that everything else exists in this state of union also.
Some life never left union
yet exist in duality on this plane
part of awareness beyond our ability to imagine.
The quiet trees and plants
to still
represent some of the most mobile of our collective awareness
and if you are able to touch with this inner touch
and see with these inner eyes
you will find a new world pulsing all around you.
It is your birthright to know this kind of seeing
knowing
feeling.

Beyond your mind
beyond your conceptions
lies the heart of a Devotee...
waiting to become the perfect lover.

You

I sat, nothing to do but to sip my tea and look out the window.
Something shifted
something inside moved....
Then quite suddenly it was as though I was on fire
but not flames
I was transported
a broad sense of being was here in the room.
You looked out through my eyes
and I wondered over your storied being...
you seemed a moment confused
perhaps it was I.
But you came into me
as you always have
but this time I did not percieve you the same way
I felt you look out through me.
I was both you
and myself
all at once.
Entranced,
I felt your piercing eyesight
like a heavy beam
a serpent that slipped through space
with me riding its back
and dove into a neighbors home to watch as he sat
distracted at his computer
another man half a continent away sat on an old
barcalounger
eyeglasses
reading some papers he had been given.

I then asked where was I to go?
Then the serpent beam slipped and moved
and I found myself going through countless towns
so fast I could barely keep up with them.

I could tell when I was going through the midwest
and their grain silos
and the flat land
and how the towns look.
It got so fast I could barely keep up with it
and in the midst of this I asked
"where am I to go?"
There was no answer.
I was dizzy from all the movement.
I stood there, feeling you all through me
looking out
through now ancient eyes
at the scene before me
and I heard simply
"Clean your car."
And I did
figuring it would make me feel better.
It was, after all, something that needed doing.

There was nothing to do,
nowhere to go.
I hadn't two pennies to rub together.
Teetering on the edge actually.
I moved through the seats
half expecting I might find something
but I didn't.
All kinds of things that were of no consequence
and all could be stufed into the bag and tossed.
At the very very end on the far side
there was a commission check
a pittance really
but enough to keep me from losing my sanity in these strange days.

As quickly as you were there
you were gone
not gone
but tuned out.
But forever you have changed how I see you
and shows me the partnership that exists
in consciousness
when we can listen to those still small voices
that tell us to clean the car
or get out of the way
or to go to Indiana or Mirabella.
Round and round cosmically we go
resolving back into the moment
with something most needed for now
in the midst of this foreverness.
Your ancient eyes looking through mine
I chuckle and smirk and ask when we can go win the lottery......

Each of us comes to this place I sense
for me it never felt so distinct
but now it does.
I can feel your ancient being
as it was from the beginning
the silent partner in all of this
the scourer of my soul
the devourer of my entanglement
and as your light is cast into realms of unknown
my eyes grow dark and full
like the new moon swinging through the clouded sky

the infinite shining out in all of us
born anew
ageless
each pilgrim awakened
pulse quickened
empassioned
a lover ruined for anything of this world
who has tasted such ancient fruit
from the true vine.