Actually...

Actually.
I do.
I do!
I do care
it is why I am here
apparently!

That this world might be improved in some measure
maybe not by grand sweeps of events
but by a simple whisper
sent out on the wind
or a glance
resolving into peace and awe.

Something in me
the best that I bear
is why I care...
such a grand creation as this
bearing such genius
in its design.
I am awed by its masterful assembly
intertied,
connected,
multiversal
uncompounded
and whole.

It is enough for me to forgive
all of the trouble found there
with all the possibility standing before it.
Can't we make it so?
It could happen....
so simply.

But I know that for it to be
it must be for me
and me alone
owned,
known
deeply felt.
Certain
and upfront
I hope it undoes me
completely.

For without that special force
that has been working in me
even as I tremble
holding onto the edges
of what was
I tell myself
"This is why I am here.
To be completely undone."
For without it, how can I know the More
I have come here for?

Gosh!
Such a frail being
held
bounded
by minutae
and flesh
but ready to burst
flower-like
cosmic mandella
touching upon the infinities.

I need only say it
and it can be.....

The Chamber

Within essence
there rests a chamber
given to each
for each
a divine gift
a secret
waiting four the moment
of our discovery.
Every cell is made to know it
yet our own mind takes its time
to find it. 

A chamber
resting deep and still
filled with glory
beauty
wonder
and awe.

The way to it
is without direction
found only in feeling
it is beyond the world
while resting within it.

The chamber is the essence of our own Tao
who we are in our higher form
and where we return
when we are each ready.

This is the chamber of union within
where all that was done
is undone
where all that was made
is unmade
where all that was not loved
is loved
into brilliance
and bliss.

He turns in this place
no other world concerns him
his journey here
lifetimes in making
yet no life has he lived
he is self-begotten
and knows himself through
his other forms
but is himself formless
plucked from essence
and resolving into imperishability.

Illusion is destroyed here
a sense that things are separate
as union begets union
deeper and deeper
a Yantra made up of his own being
a drop in the primordial ocean
ripples outward forever into phenomena
as his bliss is known as THE bliss
as the god in him knows the god in all
as what is smallest returns to the largest
as he makes certain circles
around that which is no longer separate
but it worshipped
and loved
moment by moment by moment
like suspended particles
frozen into time
but free from it all at once.
He has a love inside of him unlike any he has ever tasted
or known
and has born dissatisfaction
in all of his manifestations
until they each wake up to the deeper truth of it
and the love that abides
and rests
in the silence of this chamber
where bride and groom
are joined.

When we are one and become two
what will each of us do?
When we are two
we return into the one.
Turning this way
in sacred circles
eyes looking deep within Her
searchlights
for what the world can become.
When the two dissolve into one
and pull and push apart
so to merge again and again
each time new realizations
born in this movement
worlds forming
of their own accord
the essence of the creative
manifesting
turning
returning
healing
churning
moving
illuminating.

There is nothing that does more
to crack open the dark places
turning and churning in this capsule
beyond all time
brilliant depths moved
far beyond any physical frame
yet touching upon them all
and seeding them silently
potently
certainly
waiting until waiting is filled
and the world of it
bursts open
new and old and all places inbetween
a totality
swept up within it
and transmitted through all time
all places.
Creation realized anew in each moment
in each new thing
a microcosm
within the infinite.

The essence of this feeling
which leads you there
finds you there
a place without a journey
a world within all form
awaits the union of each of ourselves
as we are brought to the All
into that which we are
each complete
but incomplete
pushing and pulling against the
opposites of our natures
and teasing out the creations
that reveal what it is in each moment.
In each moment the mantra is
love
love
love
love.

The signal comes through
enters this world
like some distant broadcast
its story changes the moment
as possibilities multiply
and creation grows fertile
with its promise
that we are it and it is us
and we meet in the chamber
and realize it is living out
its existance in our lives
in the gentle caress of the sky
the wonder of water
the warmth of fire
and the turn of days.
It is implicite in all that we see
but look for it
or dive for it
it does not matter;
it resides in the grass
it is within you
it is in all things
it simply is.
Tao-like
turning
blue and gold
cool and warm
all opposites are merged
in this place
this world
that is our own.

Touch it and touch all times
know all worlds that will be or were known
the moment freezes
becomes all moments
as a window opens
and allows you through to all times
and places
not for knowing
but for pure awe and wonder.
It exists in this moment
and all other moments
yet no eye can see
but all hearts can feel.  

All of the moments of magic in my life
has been bounded by this
gathered by it
made true by it
and moved me forward
magnetic and certain
even as other scoffed
and derided
I knew the truth of it
for it was the greatest truth of all
if was my own
as I seek it fervently
hungrily
for the healing it affords
the freedom it bestows
the wonder it instills
and the fire that it ignites.

The Truth Of The Divine Source

I have been dealing with the issue of inner truth throughout my awakening.  This began to emerge when things got more difficult for me, back when the energy broadened and put ego on the defensive, shall we say.  Ego had been running the show, holding everything tightly together in all that it knew to do.  I didn't realize just how much of a controlling agent it had become in holding all of my many parts together in a way it thought was best to do.  The unfortunate thing, though, is that it was also holding together all of these old karmas together which were not good for me.  When the whole thing began falling apart, ego was more free to drop back into the background, realizing it was wrestling with the cosmic gorilla.....a powerful and unbending force of perfect divine alignment.  Ego had no other choice but to slip back into a more reasonable arrangement.  I was simply suffering too much.  Something had to give.

The truth of the Divine Source is found within awakening.  It will tell you its secrets if you will but listen. In order to listen you may need to consider that perhaps everything you built your life on was not correct....or in alignment with what the Source is. What makes Source so perfect is how simple it is.  Perfection is not complex at all.....it is finding one small truth that works in everything and then becoming that truth throughout. And what is this truth that Source has become or is?

Love.

Its just that simple. Really.

Of course this wont satisfy many.  There has to be something more to it.  But what you do not realize, if you find yourself unsatisfied with what I have just offered on a silver platter is that this love has the capacity to be everything, to encompass every things thing that is.  Because it can do that, and because it is perfect, it can likewise bring perfection to your life.  If you let it. But we make it complicated. Okay, so now you wonder how is it we make it complicated.  There are lots of ways, but there is one way that we have been doing it for a long time and its karma. Now I want you to consider for a moment that karma is not just about action.  The reason why someone bonks you on your head is due to their karma. Its not merely action, you see, for it comes from a feeling they have inside of themselves like fear.  Nearly all karma comes about through fear. And what does fear do? It scatters love. Love cannot exist within the presence of fear.  they are two very different vibrations, and like attracts like, you see.  So negative karma is always built on fear.  Always.  The reason for this is that karma is in truth a turning away from the divinity.  We do this through fear. If you were to know the truth that the divine is ready to love you perfectly and give you a life of wondrous fulfillment, you would be at a place where you would know how this all comes about.  But why doesn't the divine just crash into the mess of your life and set thing straight if it loves you so damned much, you ask?  Free will.  It reins supreme. You are free to make your life a mess. You are free to turn away from its perfect love. Because you are free, you are also responsible.  This is how Source knows you will learn. Its the only workable system when individuality has been given to creations such as you and I.  Yes, this can mean we spend lifetimes stuck in the wheel of karma and feeling like outcasts from God or Source of whomever you attache the moniker for the Creator.

When we turn from the divine, we do so out of fear that perhaps it will not work perfectly for us. When we do, a vibration rises within us that immediately begins to attract based on that thought. When we doubt that the divine Source will work perfectly for us, fear enters and as it does, we literally begin to create, using divine energy, our lives.  The people we meet may reflect this fear in some way or another.  They will also reinforce our fear that maybe this force cannot be trusted. So we fear more.  And this builds until it spreads like a weed in the Garden of our own inner Eden.  Then we spend lifetimes trimming these weeds, but never really uprooting them once and for all.  If you consider that karma is turning away from the divine within, then the way to set it right is to welcome the divine into us to help us to learn a better way.

But how do we do this, you ask?

One way is through awakening.  To be sure, this may be something that will take some work, but I find in my own experience that the one thing that sparked my awakening was when I was willing to forgive an old hurt, an old shame that I had that was between me and the universe. The effect was immediate and noticeable.  I had let go of a heavy weight.  I was letting go of a karma, a feeling like I had to do it all, like I could not simply trust in the universe unfolding as it should.  No, my ego and mind had to solve this problem, but it was a problem of such large proportions there was probably no way I was going to get it taken care of in this lifetime. Somehow, I managed to forgive myself.  When I did this, I let this old karma go.  As far as karmas go, it was pretty easy.  It was between me and the universe and no one else.  It was a good place to start.  When I did this, I felt the first effects of awakening.  Then, from that day onward, my world began a transformation over a six month period that resulted in a more full-on kundalini awakening.  Now, will this work for you?  Who knows, really.  We are all different.  But the fact that forgiveness of an old burden that was karmic was at the center of my own experience has some interesting implications about the nature of this experience.

When we let go of those things that serve to keep us from the divine, letting go of them makes more room for that divine to dwell.  The divine is ready to rise up into your awareness at any moment.  It never judges you, never says you or someone else is more deserving of this. We all are. And this is how it feels, for it is perfect.

When you turn away from karma, you turn inevitably towards the divine.  Awakening can teach you in simple terms how to turn towards it.

Kundalini is universal energy.  Kundalini is not a religion or a philosophy, but merely a word to explain a phenomenon that happens. It is not tied to any faith.  It happens through out all the cultures of the world.  It predates all religion.  It is our connection to getting back to our divine roots. Kundalini is the essence of union.  When it enters you body it does so as a unity.  In fact, the yin and yang was never separate except in our own minds.  When kundalini enters into your awareness, it enters you whole, perfect.  The two currents of the universe are themselves already fully surrendered to one another in joyful union. What you feel through this force is the bliss of their own union.  You have somewhere asked them in.  Most who seek fervently are the ones most often to find it. Within them they feel some burning question they have forgotten was all about and just feels like some wordless question of why are we here, what is our purpose.  They are our purpose.  To find the divine. If you can realize that the energy you feel is their union, they can begin to show you how to unify yourself. This is why when you struggle in awakening, it is because you are going in the wrong direction. Maybe its too much ego. Maybe its identifying with some old hurt or negative karma.  Kundalini is there showing you the way.  When you simply melt and soften, you will feel its force moving all through you. You don't even need to know what you are giving up, or what you are surrendering for.  Just do.  This alone will lead you to feeling them more.  Then, as the bliss pours through you you might ask "what is the purpose of the bliss?"  Well, that is mind and ego trying to find a purpose.  the purpose is to feel love.  Feeling love will lead you to fulfillment.  Nothing more need be made of it. You are turning away from the hurt and into the love and bliss.  As you do, you loosen the bonds to karma. Keep letting it pour through you and stop asking questions.  Embody it. BE it.  Don't turn to your karmas and say "Yes, but that part of me hurts so much, it needs to be healed!"  So how are you going to heal it?

The only way to heal is to forgive.  When you forgive you give yourself permission to let it go.  When you do that the associations within the self drop away.  Its simple really.  But we make it complicated. You are more than just the self you are here on this planet.  You have far more resources at your command. Something like your perception made you believe you were somehow limited. You are not. You have to begin to trust that you are more.  You don't need to know HOW to bring on this more.  You merely have to invite it and step out of the way and watch as miracles happen by making them possible through how your belief is arranged.  You create your reality.  Thus far its a perfect mirror of your limit and lack, hurt or pain.  Now you can create based on something else.

So when I now do the work and I feel this pain in my energy body making me uncomfortable, I know that this is a sign that I have to do some letting go.  There is something more to forgive.  Sometimes I get tremendous pain.  I sit and thank it for letting me know it is there.  I say that I am thankful now for this pain because it shows me so perfectly where the hurt is, where the lack of the divine energy is.  Now that the divine is running all through me, I can feel its presence say to me "Lets fill that hurt with all of this love.....we can do it....I just need your permission!"  And I give it permission and I can feel this energy flood into it. At first, its like fresh water meeting muddy water.  They at first mix and the water just gets more muddy. But now more clear water is flowing in that there is muddy water.  It will begin to clarify.  The center will go from feeling a sharp intense pain to one of sheer joy and bliss.  Its a kind of seduction really.  Its not like some goddess seducing me, no, its more like pure love filling my light body.  But I have to give myself over to it.  When I do, I feel different.  I feel utter relief.  I feel the love of the divine inside of me.  I feel it in the way I always needed to.  The lie of karma was that the divine was gone from the world and I was on my own.  But with it coming into my core, I know wherever I go, it is there with me.  Further, I am also bringing heaven to earth.  As I do, others are better able to. I don't even need to know these people so affected because this is not an individual thing.  We are actually healing the entire species.  The collective template of the human identity gets rewritten in subtle ways at its source and as each person achieves this place, the vibration within the whole changes.  I know you might not believe me, but why do you think so many are now waking up?  Why do you think awakening is such a ubiquitous phenomenon now?  We come bearing the kingdom.  Like a mustard seed it grows.

The living presence of the divine in you is love and it is the truth.  If you feel like this does not suit you, then you have more work to do. Until then, you will be busy with what you feel you need to do before you come to this all on your own. But I promise, the divine has been waiting just outside your door waiting for the day that this happens.  Actually, that isn't true.  Its inside of you.  Its waiting for the time when you simply wake up to this fact. Your perceptions are all that are keeping it out.  As your belief and karmas, which are all tied together are loosened, you will give yourself some room to feel this. When you do, you will begin to learn what their love is all about as your awareness opens. It will open slowly at first and you might feel aspects of it slipping through you.  Just be patient. Some of it might express as powerful sexual energy and this might alarm you, but if you stick with it you will find that as your awareness expands, so does your experience of it. Because its love is so broad, it includes everything, even sexual expression.  As it expands and as you drop those limiting karmas, the energy will itself change as you change.  You are leaning the window of your soul so you can see this perfect light.  In the beginning, though, you are looking through a glass darkly.  Just trust. You will be okay.  Surrender, let go, give yourself to it and it will be much easier.

So Source is love.  Now I will also add that it is a love so perfect that it will take your breath away.  It is beyond anything you have ever felt in this world of hurt.  It will deliver you, heal you, raise you up.  The answer seems too simple to you now, but imagine that instead of love I were to say Source is the ocean and this ocean is everywhere and in everything.  Now how would that suit you? Source is a sea of perfect love and it is in everything. 

The One True Path

The world is full of paths.  Methods, means, teachings. They are all offered by people who have themselves experienced some aspect of what they feel was true for them. They pass it on and sometimes it turns into a movement of some kind, perhaps a religion or a philosophical path.  Some, like Krishnamurti, seek a pathless path.

More and more I have grown to recognize that our spirituality is colored by our belief, our own experiences and our own attachments to what we feel is somehow important. We are loaded down with these things, which as I go along look more like baggage than any kind of real truth.  For me, its as though I was looking at a glass full of water that had all kinds of eddies and sparks and cubes of ice.  It was important for those things to be there.  More and more, though, my glass of water is becoming much more simple.  There is less flash, less mental jewelry that catches the eye. It becomes simpler, stripped of what I thought was important, and as all the flash goes, I am left with what is real, and in that moment, with what is, I am free to see the true abiding qualities in that glass of water.  Simpler looking, perhaps humble, but bearing something so magnificent that it never needed all the flash and add-ons. Behind all the stuff is the thing.  Behind what we project onto the world as being important is life.  And the truth, which is less a thing as an infinite string that makes up a vast realm of everything.  The deity is here, now, in even the baggage you create, in all the stuff of the universe.  What we took as clay and dressed up to be ten thousand forms, is still just clay but with all the things we feel is true imprinted upon it.  What does the clay have to say?  What is its deeper truth and essence?  This, in its own limited way of describing it, is what this authentic path is about.  I hesitate to even call it the one true path because in the evolutionary spiral of our souls, the road or path constantly changes because it is we who change.  The projector is projecting different images and at some point stops even projecting because it has somehow learned that the projection, the screen, all are one.  This "truth" does not strike me as anything that can be given isms or shalts or rules.  It is what it is, simple as that, and on the day you learn of it and feel it coursing through your veins, a world of truths will go into the wastebasket.  That, or you will refuse to believe what it is you are seeing and feeling.

Increasingly I see that all religions, all philosophies are built around something that is entirely immaterial, transcendent, and reaches into a "realm" of human experience that touches upon what feels like a new world.  How then can it ever hope to create something that shows one how to go?  By creating rules?  Laws?  What about learning to feel ones own true being so that you can tap where this "rule" (ha!) emerges?  Its in us to know this truth intimately.  It flows from us.  Or can.  Instead of things, I feel myself resolving back to a simpler root of being.  The thing about this is that things most often cause suffering because they are built around unrealistic expectations. religious leaders, so lofty and wise wind up being egoistic or greedy in the end.  Full of agendas because they are full of karma still, the fruits can only be as good as the tree growing them.  There are many who speak the words that sound so good, but its in living and being them that seem to matter most, for if that is not there, they are just words.

Beyond all the thou shalts, beyond all the rules and modes of behavior is what every being in the universe knows deeper down.  As we strip away the jewelry, we find a beauty that is simple but all encompassing; this is the motive force behind all things.  It exists in a state of eternal potential.  It is the creative potency of the universe.  It is the cross roads of potential and realization.  This is a powerful place to be, for in being there, you feed directly from a place where there are no teachers, no thou shalts.  There is only the pure light, the truth indwelling, and its not to be found at a church or other body outside of your own.  It is indwelling.  It goes beyond all ideas or notions about what purity is or what love is.  You have to experience it for yourself.  For me, it has left me without a need for any philosophy or religion.  I do, like many teachers, clothe it in form in order to describe it most often through metaphors. Still, if I say a teaching is like a boat or raft, we know its not really a boat.  We talk around this when the real action is simply feeling it.  I think that its so fundamental to our being that its meant not to be describable but experienced.  Its like what I told a student not long ago who was standing before an art project she had started and was suddenly scared about being able to pull it off.  She kept asking what to do.  I said there was nothing else to do but to jump in.  I described how she was standing by the edge of the water and all her friends had already jump in. That water was a bit scary, made her feel unsure of herself, but it was the uncertainty that was causing all of this.  Be bold I said; jump in.  Once you do, it will be much easier.  the water wont be as cold as you feared, and you will find yourself feeling much happier and sure of yourself.  What's more, it will be FUN.  She took my advice, jumped in, and wound up making one of the most amazing pieces of art she had probably ever done up until that point.  It raised her confidence level, and was very rewarding.  She broke through a fear barrier, an uncertainty.  By being able to do this, we all are able to face what seemed a great mystery.  It may have been scary at first.  When we make the leap, we do so into the pure light of our truer nature.  Maybe we are making something, creating, or writing a paper, or book, and wonder if the next curve in the road will bring us what it is we hope for.  I say leap. Leap and then feel into the rush that you experience. This, I say, is your soul rushing forward to meet you.  This exhilaration is what we all seek and need to break beyond old forms into new ones.  Eventually, forms seem to fall away as this feeling takes over.  It is the core of who and what we are.

Once you reach this place of feeling, of awakening, you are guided.  Slowly, bit by bit, the old walls come down. Belief systems are seen as systems. All the forms are just that.  they point to what cannot be pointed to but experienced.  The ecstasy of the saints comes alive in you and you may try to explain it a hundred ways to Sunday, but in the end, it all resolves back onto itself. The sages describe this as the peace we find because it does not require anything of us except a surrender to it.  It does not involve acts of contrition to a church, community service, or self flagellation.  It does not involve paying alms or tithing.  It requires nothing but your being your essential self absent the trappings of this world.  This does not mean that you do not work through a church or temple.  Perhaps you need some structure of help you to have the time to sit quietly at a pew.  Perhaps. Most often, for me, going out into nature is the most perfect church one could ever imagine.  Certainly how I see it and respond to it has changed over time.  It becomes a thrilling realm of life jumping over itself to become.  Here I see what happens as the potential transits with the material; creation blooms.  I see it all as a wonderful production that fills me with the energy that flows through it and that I am a part of.

This place is where my divine parentage emerges.  Here, the father and mother reside in harmony.  These polarities exist all through nature and the cosmos, I realize.  I say they are parents, but they are in truth far broader, but there is certainly something that is larger than me that I am a part of that fills me and rejuvenates me and shows me that I am tapping the energy of the divine.  I know that if I imagine raising my hand and allowing my imagined hand to be filled with the spirit of the father, the masculine, that I can fill anyone with its wonder.  I know, too, that the feminine force resides in perfect harmony with the father, the masculine.  it is she that softens and allows for great mystery to be known.  Hers is more formless, mutable, and changing like storm clouds that are never the same, but constantly in a state of flux and change, bringing forth form as the dance of the masculine and feminine continues.  My very thoughts, I know, rest astride their wave of awareness.  As I feel more deeply into myself, there is a place where I can sense them clearly.  There is not a place where they suddenly are there and not there.  They are seeded all through my being. Its all interconnected.  I cannot even begin to draw distinctions very well since while I can feel their currents as different, I know they are merged into a unity and it is that unity that they are that I am myself emulating. This is why I will explain what most will not....

The concept of kundalini, which is merely awakening, is the result of the merging of two polarities within.  These polarities underlie all of creation. That's a pretty big deal in a sense, yet its very simple, too.  Its a thrilling feeling, like I have a great secret.  But when you feel kundalini, you are feeling what union IS.  They do not move up your energy field in the HOPE of reaching union.  No.  The moment you feel it is the moment you become aware of that union which has always been. The first spark of kundalini is itself the union of the opposites creating bliss in your awareness.  What this presence does for you, to you, is to begin to loosen the material in your earthly self, your psyche, so that you can begin to model or emulate that same action within.  This is your divine parentage coming in to show you how its done.  All of the troubles you have in awakening are merely your finding the way to mirror this in your earthly self. This action strips you of all the things that did not serve you here.  You naturally become more simple.  Miracles happen in your life.  The path is made clear.  You heal.  Feeling their union within, you fall into their divine alignment. As you do this, you literally resonate with the cosmos.  In a never ending spiral upwards, your consciousness goes into ever higher forms of union with the universe. the more you let go of this material, the clearer the way becomes. Fear and anxieties fall away.  You may have no answer to how to fix yourself, but it no longer matters; their union solves all problems and heals all wounds.  So like a hitch hiker, you cling to their celestial bodies for the ride of your life. And while this may all sound amazing, what is so amazing is how simple it is.

This disquiets ego.  its used to lots of sounds and lights and amazing things that move and sparkle.  This is all jewelry and the ego will most often feel let down, unhappy, or simply unamazed. When you feel the bliss deeper down beyond all the lights and action, things naturally become simpler. Life can be so incredibly spare, empty even, with this great beauty dwelling within.

Eventually, all things return to something entirely elemental and simple.  Her is the most religious feeling, the greatest graces and miracles.  Here, saints dance.  Here, your soul has found home. This world is beyond all form, yet also gives rise to it.  It is an endless supply of the stuff of which we are all made and that animates the universe.  This is the energy that has caused all to come into being, to move, to evolve.  Once you have tasted it, you will perhaps understand how it does indeed move through everything....constituting it from the inside out.  It is silent, though, silent until the day that you awaken.  There will be no gods coming down to set you straight.  That is not how it works, even though we have old stories of the gods doing just that.  Its just that we wished they would.  When we become silent within and know what we are is the moment that we do.  Its beyond all religion.  Form.  Belief.  It gives you the courage to strike out on your own.  You aren't seeking it anymore; you now know it.  You have found it. Searching ends and being begins as the power of awakening shows you the way to the bliss and fulfillment that is its own reward.  

Union II

Union occurs when your wiring is allowed to shift so that the masculine and feminine within you becomes charged with the energy of the cosmos; bliss.  Everyone calls kundalini sexual energy.  It is the baseline for ALL energy.  Out of it arises ALL.  If you can feel how it MOVES you would understand how it can animate material from mere lifelessness!

Connect your inner feminine to your inner masculine and the flow begins to build.  A standing wave builds in potential.  Until the personality and ego resist its tide, it will continue to build.  Ego fears this part, but the more you allow ego to move aisde, the stronger this wave will be.  Connect the red and green wires….the masculine and feminine…the black and white….they are meant to be connected together.  And as this energy begins to build in you, interesting things will happen around you.
Somewhere, somehow, you got rewired.  Now is the time to put things right.  I am here to tell you that the divine is yours to have in this life!  We all bear the fire of transformation.  Fanning its flames in this place, it is growing to become a might fire sweeping across the land.

We are all a bit like Osiris who got obliterated.  Time to get put back together again the right way…..

Awakening

The language of Awakening is Union.  

.

The Path To Awakening

You live as though you are awake, but a part of you sleeps.  You think and feel and believe it to be what you are.  You are more.  When you feel deeply you touch upon hints of what can be within you.  Somehow, you have been cut off from the universe, but its been so long, you don't even remember the day it happened, or that it happened at all. 

This world does a lot to keep people in a scattered and seperated state of consciousness.  There is much that is created and driven that quite naturally keeps you distracted and unaware of the elephant in the room.  I used to feel like this was some kind of conspiracy, and while some insist it is, I suspect its more innocent than that.  Its merely the blind leading the blind.  What else more can they do?  A person who is awake will sound like a total lunatic because s/he can see.  And what they see is absolutely revolutionary.  And it changes them in a very significant way, and it makes them seem different.  And the blind cannot believe that a sighted person could see such things.  It just sounds like nonsense.  And so the blind are happier being led by still blinder people than even they are.  The sighted most often get shot or crucified or assasinated.  This is how deeply ingrained the blindness is in your kind. 

We make things that keep us distracted because we aren't aware there is something more to fix our attention on that is more worthwhile.  We enjoy having a fragmented awareness because it FEELS like we are busy and being industrious.  What we are doing is splintering the self and creating a habit of dividing awareness away from the unified beam that is your higher consciousness. It is true we are many things, many petals all on the same flower, but in order to know what you are in your higher or larger context, you cannot be scattered.  You have to be unified.  You actually have to begin to vibrate in the same way that your higher self vibrates.  And it does vibrate.  It does INTEND.  It does focus in a certain way.  And if you can begin to fall into that alignment, you will begin to hear the voice of your greater being speak to you in a language so broad you might not even think of it as language.....dreams, visions, seeming hallucinations, intuitions, extrasensory perceptions. 

The way toward awakening is by becoming more unified. And what is this unification?  What does it taste smell or look like?

Some people reach it through meditation, but most simply awaken without diets or postures or mantras or any of that.  I was told by a guide early on that the race was ready for simply stepping into this higher form of consciousness now.  It suggested to me that Awakenings would be on the increase. And they have, most certainly.  What happens in an awakening is when the self becomes more unified, less distracted.  The ego moves back just a bit as the feeling self is allowed more room.  There are some ancient texts that were ordered burned when the Christian church was first being formed that turned up in the Nag Hammadi Scrolls, discovered in 1945 and named for the town near where they were discovered in Egypt.  In them Jesus explains how two eyes become one, how the masculine becomes the feminine, and how a woman becomes a man.  He is explaining the process of inner unification that takes place as the alchemy of the self begins. If you can imagine that you have two wires at the top of your head that have been pulled out of their connections.  One wire is the positive and one wire is the negative.  Positive flows to the negative and they move in this way such that a circuit is made.  The two are made one and the lights come on.  if you can think of it that way, it might help you to understand that your being begins to move closer into itself so that the maculine energy that is you merges into the feminine energy that is you.

I know what you are thinking.  We have a lot of hangups about sex. Manly men, many of them, often tend to be a little homophobic.  Women can be just as scared and intimidated by gay women.  The truth is, though, every single person has both masculine and feminine in them.  Its what rocks the universe. Its what keeps the lights on.  Its life force.  Its how it is constructed. This cycling of energy is what keeps the energy moving and creative.  When these two energies move into unity there is an explosion of bliss which is orgasmic.  Orgasmic energy no longer is kept in the base chakra or limited to the genitals.  This energy flows through you as if some wildfire has been unleashed.  This is what some call the awakening of the serpent fire out of the base or root chakra and into the rest of the body.  The masculine and feminine within you connects and begins to build ever greater amounts of energy as you learn to hold ever greater amounts of it.  And to what end?  The end is the means, and the means is bliss. This is establishing a new baseline way of feeling.  Before, it was as though you were dead and you awoke.  This is exactly how it has been described in some of the early Christian texts when they described resurrection. The resurrection was when an individual awakened.  If you read these texts, its curious how they were set aside, ordered cast out of doctrine.  These were the very words that gave voice to what the kingdom was/is all about.  Kundalini began to move in them, it animated them, it arose through them like a torrent moving up the spine.  You can choose to think of it as two serpents, or any number of things, but all of these will simply be descriptions and not the thing itself.  All of this will simply be an image, and the image, if not chosen clearly will paint a distorted picture of what it is intended to describe. The point I am making is that you have both of these currents in you. Every particle that IS has these currents.  Everything has a positive and negative charge.  Everything.  The entire world is holographic, built on this principle down to the most elementary particles.  Everything emerged OUT of this singular principle. And when you can merge these two in your self, and feel them dance, you have awakened. 

...or on your way to awakening. 

The way that you awaken may be an entire mystery.  For some it is this way.  I certainly didn't do anything intentional to awaken it. I sometimes meditate, but not regularly.  I suspect that for me, the release came when I released an old guilt I had carried about my spiritual path.  When I let go of that, my energy soared. Everything began to change after that.  I had been holding so much of my own energy hostage without realizing it, I had literally had become distracted and tying myself up in knots.  When the knot came undone, I was no longer able to be the person I had been before.

Within you is a place where you are unified.  It is a feeling. It bring bliss and it can also bring anxiety for how strong it is (this is ego talking).  But as you surrender like a lover to it, the bliss flows and unity is yours.  Healing begins apace and you are on your way to becoming your more Essential Self, the personages Jesus described as the Father and Mother (Holy Ghost).  It is also what happens in the Hindu conceptualization when Shakti and Siva merge together in the crown (the truth though is they merge at the very beginning and flow up together....but that is another story).

When you become one, you will know this kingdom....

The Loveself

Kundalini is about mastery over your subconscious. This mastery, though, is less the lion-tamer and more the loving gentle lamb.It is also about love, and this love is experienced in a myriad of ways.  What we experience, though, in Awakening, is how our very consciousness begins a tantric dance with the universe, one which reveals just how infused the universe is with passion.  The degree to which we have separated ourselves from this fundamental level of experience is the degree to which we have removed ourselves from our Essential Selves.  An Awakening will begin to reacquaint you with this ocean of bliss until you learn to remove all the layers until you stand completely free, naked, with your Essential Self with is this very passionate being that is love.  This is your Loveself and it is what you have always been underneath. No need to be embarrassed, or feel shame. In fact, shame and fear and all of those feelings have been the problem.  Now its time to heal and remove those layers.  You have always been there, shining through all of that stuff. 

For lifetimes, your soul has been sending parts of itself into physical reality.  Over and over, these different selves have made a range of choices, and often these have been similar choices, choices that have caused some behaviors to become ingrained.   Each time, that which remained unresolved, would get played over and over because the earthly self would, by virtue of  its own freewill, choose something based on something that was foreign to your essential self, to that part that you might call your larger destiny.  It chose to be with someone who would not love them perfectly, who would hurt them, or who would not feel the right way.    Whatever the particular flavor of the karmic entanglement, these kinks in the self can became deep ruts and would be recorded in your being as a karmic entanglement, less because the world was hard or hurtful but more because something in you was not finding its alignment with your divine being.  So over and over, this misalignment would play itself out until whatever it was that had been the cause of the problem got resolved.  Over and over this played out, lifetime after lifetime these issues would come up with the opportunity to work through them, less as a test, and more because of how the universe is ordered, which is not that its punishing or judgemental, but because you and the universe are realy one, and being one, this universe aligned with your expectations of it.  You simply attracted what you were.  This is hard for most people to take, to accept because, after all, none of us would have ever sought or chosen for bad things to happen to us, right?  Still, though, the truth remained all along that the traumas that you experienced, the trials and tribulations all resolved around that which you were unresolved about, that served to hurt you because they simply were never anything that was in your highest.  This is the missalignment, this is the source of all trouble, problems, and suffering.  Its less about expectation as buddha said, that cuases the suffering, its that the expectation that our earthly selves sometimes choose over and over that cause the problem.  This is the seed of our growing up, of our maturation and coming to the one undel=niable truth of our being.  If you want the world to change, it is you who much change.  The old argument must cease, and the way of your feeling must change so that the old argument simply is no longer important.  No one knows this better than I. I struggle with this all the time, and is the eseence of all that I am dealing with in my awakening.  It is also what everyone struggles with.  Eventually, like small children, we learn to set aside those things that we thought were important in favor of something still deeper.  If you want to call this the illusion that some speak of as being part of life, Maya, then so be it.

I will say as an aside that I do not feel that this makes our lives here merely illusory.  This notion must change if we are to be able to take in the fullness of this experience here.  This world is not illusory, but real.  This world is a CREATION, and it is this one element in our greater being that is the one great truth; we are CREATORS.  We are seeded with this impulse, and it is what has made worlds to form.  These worlds are the means by which we work through the very thorny issues of our becoming.  This is very important, very critical to our becoming.  If we then don masks in this play, as Shakespeare suggested, and the world is a stage for this greater inner drama to unfold, then it makes this place an important one for us and all of life.  It is a way for us to come to know ourselves, to evolve, to develop.  Its only by healing the rift that we have felt all along about our place here that we will learn to come to a better place within ourselves and with the universe both expressed (or created) and residing in potential.  When we can see how everything is delicately wedded to everything else, will we see or feel how we are not separate at all.  Certainly an awakening is all about showing us how everything is connected instead of separate.   By understanding how we create our world moment by moment based on how we feel, believe, and what still remains as that hitch inside that keeps us from a developing sense of unity with ourselves, our higher being, and the universe, can we begin to resolve the separation.

If you look back at Western culture through the lens of Christianity, you will see a story of a Fall that happened in the very beginning.  This is where we can trace in a mythic way, the source of our misgivings and thus separation with creation.  If you understand that there is no God that is angry, ready to punish you for being who you are or for not obeying the commands of this God, then you can begin to understand that this Fall was one which we ourselves created.  Somewhere, a sense of falling short entered into us, perhaps somewhere where we felt our individuality and our egos perhaps too much, more than what I call our own Waveform Awareness, which is that part of our experience where we transcend beyond the particle of the self and move into unity with all other particles (be they atomic or cosmic) and into the vast being that makes up the Collective Awareness and touches upon our infinite being, upon the universe of which we are all a part.  Somewhere, though, we fell out of that Wave and into the Particle.  When we did that, we forgot who we were in completeness.  Then the grief, the sadness, the suffering began.  We felt shame and we felt naked.  Instead of being connected with the vast intelligence teeming all around us, nature became something to be conquered.  Nature also became something that we no longer trusted.  We did not speak to the animals, they did not hear us and they feared us.  We also had reason to fear them.  We lost something very important.  We saw their animal nature as something not to be trusted and this meant that  our own animal natures could not be trusted.  Our natural impulses were seen as dirty and shameful instead of arising out of that vast Wave of Creative energy that is the essence of Awakening and our greater being.  This all happened and we made a myth of it as a way to explain to ourselves why we felt the way we did.  We also served to ingrain an old wrinkle in our psyches with a story that would be handed down from one generation to the next only reinforcing those greatest of fears.  And here, the separation was never made more brilliant and certain; man and woman were pitted against one another in a distrustful way in the same way that they had chosen to distrust their own divine natures.  Men were made to toil and women would bear the weight of what this distrust encompassed.  Whew!  What a way to get started!  So little wonder that we have the trouble that we do.  Time, then, to work through this so that all the old stuff can be made peace with and the separation healed within us.  

When an Awakening stirs in you, all of these old issues get brought to the surface.   It will be through such an experience that you may begin to glimpse just how attached you became with the hurt in your pasts that mirrors your own present experiences.  The universe mirrors you also, so events will happen based on who and what you are.  If you have issues related to abundance (see the root chakra), nurture, mothering, and taking care of one's self, there are often issues lodged in the vibrational frequency range of the root, for example. It can be in other places through your energetic self, certainly, but will often tend to cluster around a specific area in you because of the particular vibratory frequency associated with the specific problem you have.  Every issue will have a certain frequency, and will tend to reside in a given part of your energy body.  An awakening bring awareness of this, and will point you to certain areas where there is pain...not so much in the physical body (although it can manifest as physical pain and sometimes even physical problems) as it is in your consciousness. This is where we can get very quickly into diagrams and systems, but the thing to remember is that this is just about a return to love.  When you find yourself having trouble, getting tangled up in the harder aspects of awakening, all you really have to do is breathe deep and ask yourself what this is all about.  Its about LOVE.  That's it.  You don't need to know any more.  If you make it too complicated, it can squeeze out the love.  Can you love?  Good. Want to talk about how consciousness is ordered and how healing plays into it?  Ok.  But its better to just feel the love. This alone will heal and smooth those hard surfaces.  There are a lot of hard people who have awakened, and they think they have softened, but this is all a matter of relativity and awareness.  You can soften more.  Your soul is crying out for a still deeper experience, and you need to give yourself to it in surrender if you are to know true happiness with your soul. This is because your soul IS love.   The soul is simply love, and the closer we get to it, the more powerful this feeling is.

The feeling of being free from your old hurts is because of how close we have moved to your soul. Some will want to think they are experiencing God, but in truth, you are experiencing your soul as it is connected to everything else.  Its pretty amazing, really.  And if it can feel like this, imagine what the universe might well be deeper down. This comes about in a permanent way when you learn to release those old unresolved feelings, those kinks in your self that keep you from feeling your higher self, your Essential Self.  This is about learning to align to your divine self.  Divine Alignment. 

There is a lot to learn.....and its simpler than a system.  By learning how to feel differently, you find the sacred path to your soul.  You also set up a vibration that the universe will form itself around you with, mirroring you perfectly.  Because your soul exists outside of time, it feel infinite to you.  Call it God or Goddess, whatever you want....the Cosmic Muffin...it all works....because this loveself does not need to prove anything but simply be, your way of being with this is in a quiet and uncomplicated way.  In a sense, all it is asking of you is to jump into the water.  Overcome your fear.  Overcome your inward brittleness and stiffness.  Flow with this water, flow like the ocean of being. This is because you ARE this ocean.  There is nothing else you need to know.  Oh, and just be happy. The war is over.  All of that attachment to hurt and trauma, it can be over in an instant.  Moment by moment, you learn to change the future, and you also change your association with a past that is now being changed as surely as your present is being changed.  Think how incredibly powerful this act can be.

As you do this, you make it easier for others, whether you are aware of it or not.  It is certainly what happens in the midst of the quantum field of effects.  As each person makes their own discovery, they add to the vast ocean of awareness that each awakened person is swimming in right NOW.  You shift the world with each act, and you can also make it easier for others to awaken in a way they might not have done so otherwise.  It might be one grain of sand, but we are billions in size and we are motivated via the web of the All.  This might sound a bit silly to you, but understand that nothing has ever been more true, and in so being, you must know that you can bid the tsunami to come and move your world if you need for it to. It will change and take any form you need it to, for the universe aligns with your expectations, especially those expectations which are subconscious, unresolved, pushed deep down inside of you out of shame or fear or any number of things that your karma has served to create in the choices you have made through how you have felt (conscious or not).  This is one reason why becoming aware of all your inner junk or your old baggage is important; you can live a much more rewarding life when you are more in control of what it is you believe and feel.  Since the universe forms itself around these feelings, then how you feel has never been so important.  An awakening helps to dredge the depths, and as we do, we have lots of very fertile compost with which to build a more verdant life built on what we need deep down than just the surface and what has remained troublesome and misunderstood.  The universe is conforming to your expectations of it micro second by microsecond....

You see, even if you never help another, your own experience will itself be available in an entirely perfect way to others. If you chose as I have often felt impelled to do, to slip quietly into the ocean and drift from shore, from this world and into other realms of brilliant potentiality, it would not be a loss what you would otherwise perhaps give had you stayed.  Through the potential of the Wave, that part of the experience of awakening that leads you to that different way of being where you feel yourself flowing into everything, where you feel the connection of your energy with that of the leaf, the flower, the atoms of air, and all things present and implied, obvious and subtle.  It is this part that you are able to tap the limitlesness within you.  It is here that you learn to feel differently.  And just as I was told by someone who showed up in my awareness at a certain stage of my awakening, this person said, "there is nothing more for you to do except to step into the blueprint that has been brought to bear in this time. The efforts of countless pilgrims, sages, priests and priestesses, all have unknowingly and in their own small ways, helped to contribute to what you now have before you.  There is nothing to be done except to step into this blueprint that was fashioned by Collective Consciousness, through Collective Effort."  It seemed rediculously simple at the time, but this is just how we find change in awakening; we simply choose to be different.  Its not hard work once we get there, its just a sideward move, a step to the side and the world changes. Ego thinks it has to be all this work.  Beneath it all resides what has been, waiting to be brought into greater awareness by divesting of that which held up our attention and energy.  By focusing energy in areas that are healthier for us individually, we can feel the divine flow within us more clearly and more powerfully. Instead of seeing it all through karmic lenses, we see through a nice clean and clear window....which is our birthright.  Its what we are destined to do.  Without time tables or expiration dates, the infinite expands outward.  We expand with it if we are just brave enough to let go, opening ourselves up to swift hands of divinity that can do great work for us.

By opening up to the possibilities that this world offers, we can rediscover the self that we are.  Its what we have always been.  We are learning to grow up.  But unlike C.S. Lewis, who was biased by his own lack of healing and a belief that suffering is God's way of helping us to grow, we can learn to see it differently:  suffering is what we have brought on ourselves.  Since we have freewill, and since this freewill is so important to the deity, that being wont interfere with what we choose. We learn to reap what we sow, and by learning to sow differently, we come closer to that deity, to our own relationship with it.  The truth is, the universe is love, but its not a love that is on any kind of crusade for or against us.  All of this, we have created.  It is now time to return to the garden.  It is within you and me.  It is in all of us and it is within our ability to find it if we can but remove some of the old brush that has grown up around what will resolve into perfect beauty for us, in us, through us. This is where we heal and find union with our divinity.  How wonderful is that?

Inside of you is a perfect diamond
but as though covered in dark cloth
your earthly self unaware of what you are
your own being hidden from view
this is how you were made by me
I buried within you
waiting for the time
when
breathless
you discover its brilliance
the love that flows from it
the  passion that it creates
all of this
a secret of what lies beneath...

I shall fill you and show you
the bliss I am
as I run through ever cell and nerve, every hidden place of you
that in this ecstasy you might seek to make yourself naked before me
that I may
like your hungry lover
behold you
and be filled with that joy that a lover feels
before entering the bridal chamber
so that when I watch you
as you slip quietly ever nearer to me
that your countenance might  shine like the sun
moonlike reflecting her lovers light in the dark night where souls are made lovers .

Let fall the dark cloak of your illusion
that this diamond that is your soul
may shine brilliantly in the world you call your home
and make a lover of you....
so that you may not resist but know the pleasure that is potent and flowing
in me
in you
like rays of the sun
like liquid honey
like the honey dripping from every pore of your body.

I have existed since the beginning in dual fashion
uncompounded
all forms
form me
all conceptions
lay before me.
I am they
they are me
through my creation
I may behold them
and awaken within them
consumed by me and filled with knowing
that the mother and father are one
in your Christed self
Your Krisna Consciousness
Your Nondual self
or any other ways you need to give holy breath to the image

Each of you will make a lover of yourself
shall disrobe before me
shall divest of all that has kept you from me
and this love that flows like the fire that is my soul
a terrible
compassionate fire
that burns away all the coverings you have fashioned in this life
so there is nothing between us
no arguments
no hurt
no sorrow
or pain
this slips away from you
as you realize in this simple moment
that you are mine.

My bliss will move over you
its lips like a lover
caressing every secret you ever made
and releasing you to a larger love
as my hands grasp you harder
as my bliss drives ever deeper
that you might be made mine
in this sacred marriage of souls 
that I may become like a mighty river flowing
through ever channel
every cell
every particle
every nuance of your being
in the holy aspiration of union.

I am bliss
I am the desire beyond all desire
I am the eternal hunger
a terrible but necessary fire
building within.
I embody bliss
I embody desire
an eternal hunger
and I have fashioned you
to become my perfect vessel
to hold my perfect truth
which will move like a riptide
masculine
feminine
together.
Inside of you
outside of you
join in this union
ultimate  worship
the only worship
I have ever sought
desired
or known.

Your lover may be a book
a glance
am atom perched in the air
of the masculine
in your womanly body
or the woman whispering from the depths
of your male brain.
I am in all of you
I am in everything
and we seek the union
one unto the other
the other unto itself...
a cloth perfectly woven unto itself.

So get yourself a lover
and look to the divine within them
and worship that one light within them
and you shall worship me,
if ever worship could have been called this.
Go forth to give love
to be love.

Become me
in every moment
with every breath
uncover yourself
a diamond ready to shine
my brilliance rising up from within you
so that no reflection ever wrought such beauty
but a fire that comes from within.

My fire shall consume you in my divine hunger for creation
its thirst shall never be quenched
or sated
as I the maker of all form
am formless
boundless
and constantly becoming
known through every particle
reflecting through an infinity.

Male for his feminine love
Feminine for her masculine love
my breadth is boundless
just as within you the masculine and feminine
reside perfectly
awaiting your full union
as this song of union spreads throughout all of creation.

Take off your dark cloak
let me gaze upon you
your skin glistening in the night
as my breath becomes your breath
as I take you apart
piece by piece
lovingly examining my creation
putting you back together
in a new way.

First an arm
then an eye
then a thigh
a toe
a spleen
an ovary
a testicle
all teased out from the scar tissue your unknowing has inflicted on your soul
and that I put perfectly aright
the divine mechanic
in the shop of passionate delight and rightness....

Each of you I do love
cherish
and hope
that you lean into the moment when you shall know me
as you feel the dark drape of your illusions slip away from your body
as I make you mine
and remind you that all that kept you from knowing me
has been surrender to the passion that is yours
and which will become mine.

Here,
my lips shall seek the brilliance of your being
as you awaken
you were always mine
and never was there a fall from your humanness
but more  a shameful waiting in false modesty
for the passion that you feel in this moment
ever WAS and ever SHALL be the very path
to the fire which burns in my heart
and which will press you to create worlds
beyond imagining
and a new life
born of that passion,
a child of this union
which shall itself be known
as it has ever been known
Christed, Illuminated, the secret of your being blossoming in the light.

Do not feel shame for your nakedness
for the wrongs you have thought you have made against me.
My creation
are not the evils your false priests and prophets have sought to instill in you
but were only a way to work through what had to be done
so that you could be standing before me
your skin alive
ready
expectant
for my touch
which shall render you light-filled
bliss filled
wanting more
and moving through your days
in the union that will be yours always.

My Creation was perfect
but it has been veiled
like a bride to her groom
a secret garden blooming
expectant
yet unknown
hidden within realms of truth
too bright for your veiled eyes to see.

Come.
Come
Come unto me
that we might be one again.
Moment by moment
my love shall be your love
and upon your lips shall flow
creations born of this one true Light
this one true love
so that none shall be forbidden a glance
a taste
of the fire which burns
and waits.

Devotee

To feel the Creator
God,
Mother/Father/Child triad
Atman
Great Spirit
Buddha
or Christ
Requires nothing more from you but devotion to a purpose
your being
your own purpose
beyond mind
singular vision and intent
for when you get there
it will not be what you expect
and in so being
will reprogram you from the inside out
and show you the divine path
out of the hard life
into the world where honey flows.
It can be much better for you
for each of us here....
but it means learning how to FEEL
to awaken to this feeling self
and when you do
you become a vessel
bit by bit
as you let go of karmas
those entangling alliances
those wrinkles in your being
as you are revealed to yourself
to this divine being
once in you
outside of you
of the great light
the greatest love you are ever going to feel.

Sitting quietly its force moves through me
just perfectly
lovingly
and I go about my day doing what I must do to continue
to untangle the knots in my hair
to make myself a better suitor
for its great and expansive love.
I am its devotee....


This is not attained by or through any other but through ones self.
Each must come to the God, Goddess, or Creator, on their own.
In the midst of this
S/He will be the trickster spirit it ever was
to get you to chase after those thing that will cause you suffering
not in order that you hurt or suffer
but that you become aware that this is hurting you
standing beside you
like some divine parent
watching as you hold onto a hot branding iron
unsure of why you hold onto it
smiling saying "you can let go.....let go....it will all be better...."
and the realization that you can let these things go
to achieve freedom
and the deepest joy which abides in whatever your conception is of a higher power
fills you bit by bit as you tease from the universe those bits of gold thread
that you use to weave the tapestry of your life
and fogive all for all they ever did to hurt you
so that the world may start anew
clean slate....
for this is the heart of the deepest and truest kindness
the greatest compasion
and boundless freedom....
looking everyone in the eye and seeing they each have equal capacity for divine....
we are like lost children
trying to find our way back
and if we could but find our way back
each of us
the world would resolve
gleaming with riches beyond all belief
as each tapestry reveals the gold won for our heart's desire
and which is bestowed freely
not greedily
but through a love that is perfect.

When you feel it flow through you
someone looks out through your eyes
it seems a bit strange
but the bliss is incredible
as you make love to this Creator
and it to you
for the language of the divine is this bliss.
Here, in this world, we have sabotaged ourselves
thinking sex bad.
Even the greatest adepts shun sex
in favor of something "higher."
This attitude shows how we do not revere the creation
and in not revering
we loath it
without realizing its just ourselves we loath
and do not love
and that grain
that bit of grit in us
serves to create seperation from divine bliss....
until we can make peace with this
we will continue with a bit of grit in our becoming
rolling around in the softest part of ourselves
until we learn to toss it out
and accept the love
that is our birthright
for ever this was as it has ever been
and when we toss out our dissease with it
we toss out the disease that has lurked in our psyche
for fear that what we felt was bad or wrong
or not acceptable.
For lain upon the alter of the divine
you will be seduced completely
and brought into the great pulse
that is the universe.
Not through shame
but out of it
you will feel how missing you have been
all this time
from the morning prayer
and continual union that is what we shall each become in our turn...
not because of any teacher
but because of that part in us within that finally has no fear
or loathing
or anger over how things have gone.
Just let it go.  You will know when it no longer affects you no matter how severe.
When you can speak kindly in the midst of their demonizing of you
will you be free....

If you ask to be shown
and lay aside all expectation or pretense
if you ask to be shown how it must be
instead of wrestling with your demons
just ask how it must be
and it will be shown to you.
When you are ready, it will happen.
There is something inevitable in all of this.
We each will come to this fire on our own
person by person
just as we left it
so shall we move back into its great light
force
power
love
and bliss.

If you simply give up your fear of how you might lose something
and just let it go and ask to see plainly
you will discover the most perfect love you will have ever known
for this love lays outside of karma
and the centuries of lifetimes spent killing
raping
pillaging
and abusing one another
and perpetuating a way of being that did not serve
the kingdom or samadhi or this bliss
that flows so freely through my veins
and lights up my body
in silent knowing.

You can know this
for in truth
it is simply learning how to feel.
And when you do
you will know whatever you wish to know.
By adhering to its great power
it will show you all that is yours
like a child of a great king and queen
who had a grand kingdom
to bestow upon their progeny
except this great inheritance will come to each of us
if you but ask to be shown what is your souls greatest need
the need to be brought back to the bosom of that great being
from which we all sprang
and to we each seek to ascend back to
not realizing that we each have its spark in us
and need only listen and feel into that spark
to find our way back.

This is not about wizardry or one-upping the competition.
Quietly, selflessly,
this thing turns
and does not seek to hurt or destroy of roll itself up in ego.
It is perfectly self assured
because the enitre universe is at its command.
Quietly, selflessly, following the pulse of your own divine purpose.
Like a child of a great king and queen
powerful beyond all imagining....
no child of such lineage would ever walk in fear or uncertainty.

Touching this will show you the finest love you will ever know.
It is a process of shedding
and you must be willing to devote yourself to that
knowing that the rest of infinity awaits
in perfect timing
for you to discover what is yours to be.

As your eyes are opened
you will see not the surface of life
but into it.
You will feel life
not simply gaze upon it like a stranger.
You will be one with it
through every single particle that exists
and as you finish the work of your own union within yourself
you will see that everything else exists in this state of union also.
Some life never left union
yet exist in duality on this plane
part of awareness beyond our ability to imagine.
The quiet trees and plants
to still
represent some of the most mobile of our collective awareness
and if you are able to touch with this inner touch
and see with these inner eyes
you will find a new world pulsing all around you.
It is your birthright to know this kind of seeing
knowing
feeling.

Beyond your mind
beyond your conceptions
lies the heart of a Devotee...
waiting to become the perfect lover.

Ancient Bloom

When He comes near
I know what it must be like
for Her
He carries with him
a swirling world
dizzying---
of pleasure,
bliss,
and a quiet inner power
which is itself intoxicating
gentling
assuring
and always seeking intently
but quiet like the gardener missed
amidst the vine and shrub
the overgrowth of our awareness.

When I make the way clear for Him
I feel what it might be like
as She prepares for the bridegroom.
In anticipating Him
there is a surrender
not unlike a woman to her man
and perhaps this cuts just as deeply
peeling up new soil as it goes
revealing fertile ground.
I make way for him in me
the same way she does
as his mere presence fills me with bliss
and yearning
seeking
knowing
and love....

....except the paradox is that he has always been there
waiting to be realized
his presence
felt
like a not-so-strange stranger
in the garden
standing next to me
waiting for the room just to Be
and spreads out vine-like
new life from a still more ancient vine.

He is speaking
and explains
I must let go of the old undergrowth
to make room for something deeper still
as the ancient blooms
in freshly ploughed soil
shaken
moved
invigorated
enlightened
made new.
He carefully directs
where things must change
as gnosis grows
or emerges
in me
and divine bliss spills out all around me

The old garden
makes way for new life
a new garden
lush and alive
as it pushes away the ghost of the past
he whispers
it was always a ghost
now we reveal what is real.

"Its always been this way"
he explains,
"with every person who has ever been
the path by which they reach this place
has been the same
even though they have all looked different.
It has sought to make lovers of them
divine heretics in your past
scorned by those who do not know
but will each in their time each awaken
and feel
as everything they thought they cherished slips away
and the Truth becomes manifest
in their heart
as a new heart beats
a new kind of blood runs
thick in their veins
which is tinged with honey."

Her divine wantoness
she spreads herself out before him like a blanket
joyful and ready
and wraps him up
as he experiences what it must be like
to be in her world
and her world is awakened by this visitor
who is just the other side of her
as she turns in delicate circles to try and reach him
as she rolls him up within her
as he opens her
and her fluid feeling coalesces into form around him
worlds they make come
as he is turned fluid in her gaze and he melts once more into her

He explains all of this matter of factly
with a quiet understated passion in him
something that feels like a sun blazes in him
hidden
felt
becoming him
entirely a mystery
but makes of him the greatest lover
for his utter obedience to his beloved
which he turns round in golden circles
just to find her in their endless dance.

Stepping through the garden
he explains
"we are not seperate--
you and I have always been One
but your hurt has divided you
and thus you from me
because what you feel
is not real
but illusion
and in that illusion
you have forgotten
and sought to know a lie
which could never serve you.
This, then, is the awakening
to your divine self
your larger self
brought quietly
but powerfully
into the moment
so that heavenly self
and earthly self
can dwell as one
and so that you may find your beloved
the one whom I know
and have always known
and can show you how to love
deeper than anyone
for she is that aspect of you
which is entirely mysterious
and beautiful.
It need not be explained more than that."

He steps through the vines
and makes a cracking noise
as thunder peels all around him
and rain falls quietly
"there is nothing more
for a man like me
than She.
We turn brilliant
around each other
and offer
a promise
of tomorrow and yesterday
to what we each become."