Healing Shame

Shame comes from a judgement that we make for ourselves
or that we accept from others.  This shame can strike to the core of our
being, to what we feel is most sacred about ourselves. If something about you
drives shame in you then it seems that that part or aspect of you is bad.
This puts you in an impossible position.

When we learn that our being in its higher truth is perfect, its like a revelation
So much of this is letting go of the shackles of this world the veils of the earthly self
to ascend into our higher selves only to find everything about us is perfect underneath all of the artificial postures, positions, and beliefs which we took on because we trusted our forebearers but never bothered to question or examine them ourselves. We have participated in a world that has managed to keep rolling a very old way of being.

Healing shame means forgiving yourself.
Whenever we forgive it lightens our being because the inability to forgive means we are karmicaly connected to a given thing within and without ourselves.  This uses up energy and also keeps us in a lower energy vibration. It is akin to carrying a weight around.  When you let go of it you will feel your energy field change instantly.  It will feel as though you are soaring.  It gets to a point where you ask yourself what else is there that you can forgive so that you might feel lighter.

To ask how one forgives is like asking how to breathe or ride a bike.  Its something that you simply have to feel. You feel into it and surrender to it.  In truth its the easiest thing for all of us to do but it escapes notice because of how covered over in all of our junk we are, covered over in such a way that it clouds awareness (trust me it does....there are worlds beyond our notice not because we cannot see them but because we have so much competing material in the way of our becoming aware).  It just SEEMS like its hard. Trust me.  The trick, though, is finding that feeling place within you where it IS easy. That we find something easy hard speaks volumes about where we are currently.  Problem is, we can become estranged from our feeling self, and in those cases its as if it never existed sometimes. This is because feeling is not a mental activity but a full energy body thing.  If the mind is the brain then feeling is the body.  And truly when we seek to remove our years of junk it does not come from the mind but the energy body.  Qi Gong and acupuncture and dance and ecstatic movement helps to loosen the blockages in the body where we have "shoved down" our junk.

With the addition of a kundalini awakening our fields begin to be pressed for cleansing.  Sometimes kundalini is not enough to remove things stubbornly infused into our fields.  In this case we have to do the work of learning how to let go of it.  This might mean some kind of process like dredging up old memories, talking it out with a person who was somehow involved in our earlier life issues, or using creative visualization to begin the process of seeding the subconscious with the signals that begin to tell it that we no longer want that old vibration in our field.  Ultimately this is what a an unresolved hurt is; it is a bundle of energies which have a kind of identity.  All consciousness is self aware at some level and since consciousness itself forms alliances (think about the cells in your body!) then this is very natural for an idea to become lodged and remain in your body of consciousness for years even when its usefulness has long outlived itself.  These accumulate into a "body" of "dead" issues that still take up space in us because....well...we are use to holding onto stuff and consciousness creates alliances.

 Everything is connected.  When the being that called himself Sandalphon came and pulled what amounted to a body out of my heart center, this was just what he was doing---releasing old material that no longer served me but which had developed a magnetic pull to me.  It was communicated quite clearly that this was an old dead "body."  When it was removed I was admonished not to go and try to pick it up.  I also felt as though my insides had been cleared.  The essence of life, Prana, began then to move freely in an open house instead of something that felt crowded and cluttered and stuffy (I just didn't know how crowded it was until I was emptied of this "body" of thought and feeling).  St Theresa of Avilla had a similar experience of having her insides pulled out by angel (also through her heart center!). The thing is, you don't need to know what it is you are releasing. I sure didn't.  For me it had been long forgotten I think.  In fact, this can be something that can be left up to your higher self to work on or think about. If you are curious, then perhaps the best way is to ask that it become known to you in a way that wont compromise your forward development, and that if its not yours to know, that not knowing might be for the best for now.

Sometimes shame comes with the feeling as though we have done something wrong.  Deep inside of you is a self that wants to do right.  It wants to love and be loved.  In our world we often punish people for wanting to be loved.  We have carefully defined lines and categories where only certain kinds of love are acceptable, and yet the soul knows no such bounds.  This is what kundalini can bring which is an awareness of what is.  What is is inescapable. We all know it deep down and have to move through untold dross in order to get to it, but once there the truth resolves into an ever-simpler thing.  This thing has only one axial point and that is love.  Nothing else.

Learning how to resolve shame and grow self love is sometimes the hardest thing because of how conditioned we are to remain locked in this place.  Some people simply do not know how to love themselves enough.  How does something like that feel when you are not used to feeling it?  An by not feeling it, how dependent does it make you on others' approval and "love" do you think?  But until you are able to break out of your old conditioned behavior, it might be hard to learn how to forgive yourself or others.By learning how to access your higher self you are able to access your nature which is love.  Its a pulse so strong and wonderful its like a revolution inside of you if you have not been used to feeling it.  I wasn't. In fact I had a hard time knowing how I could hold onto such a feeling when my heart opened powerfully for the first time, sending me into what I later learned was a "kriya" or involuntary body movement (mine involved an arching of my neck and back while feeling this sudden release and flow of this powerful heart energy). While these heart openings are seen as rare, I had enough of them in the following year to observe carefully how each one went down. What I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt while visiting this seemingly unusually land was that we reached this heart opening and self love pulsation based on a choice.  I could feel something ancient within me DECIDING to let go and allow this love to fill me as though I was being made love to.  This is a very vulnerable place to be in and further is not something you would ever want to admit to the  casual observer or friend unless they themselves understood what kundalini was all about themselves.  The truth is is that in our world we are just beginning to discover this world within us.  Until we learn to get such openings of the heart more wide-spread those in the minority will tend to be looked upon with some degree of ignorance and bias, even derision unfortunately. The advantage that the internet offer us now is that we can communicate with that growing community of awakened people and build understanding what all of this is about.

At the bottom of all of this is love.  Getting to that love is the challenge; learning how to rearrange the self so that it can be more inviting to this higher energy to enter in.  It mine and your birthright.  Learning how to feel into this is an important aspect in moving forward in this way.  In love and in the forgiveness that it always brings.

Namasté

Post Script:  Day before yesterday as I struggled with some emotional issues having to do with how my life has been,  I went to lay down, and as I did so I had an inner vision which showed a man riding up to me on a horse.  He spoke to me in a glib sort of way, saying how he could depend on me to do his dirty work for him.  In what was an extremely spare but potent interaction with a past life, I learned that I had done something that I blamed myself for for lifetimes (literally) and wore the shame of it around my neck like some old dead goose eversince.  This was something that should have been dealt with lifetimes ago (at least 700 years ago) and its presence in my energy field had its effect.  When all of this resolved in my awareness it was as though I was watching something from deep within me rising like bubbles to the surface of the water.  As these bubbles rose, the issue became a non-issue instantly.   Just like that.  All my problems with being scapegoated or blamed as a kid and in other lifetimes - gone.  Poof!  Then, the pain that ringed my heart disapeared as a feeling replaced it which pulsed with the vibration of joy.  It felt like how you might have felt on the last day of school, but times ten. It was a marvelous relief, a release!  Event began to change immediately after that!  It was amazing to see.  The people who were interacting with me were doing so based on this new vibration which had changed just the day before.  How could the universe react that fast?


Probably because that is how it is....


So I wish I could give you a formula.  I am still thinking it through, feeling it through to better understand it.  All I can say right now is I feel like a free man, and its a great feeling.  To feel my heart vibrating with such joy within it, absent this hurt that I could feel since the dawn of my kundalini awakening, is something worth its weight in gold.  


What I realized I was doing was healing shame.  And I thought how odd that I would write about it just days before....without any thought that this might be on its way.  The reason for my posting the piece was having seen a search term that included healing shame the day before which got me thinking maybe it would be good to start writing on that.  We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes.....

Movie

This movie is about a man in search for something more it seems.
I have not yet watched it but the issue of nonduality crops up
and it has won some awards.....as the concept of nonduality creeps into our collective
awareness more and more....

The link below will take you to the site that has a trailer for the movie.

Calling It Quits

If you get to see the movie before I do, let me know what you thought!

The Path

The road I have walked
chosen
decided
through it
I looked for love
destined
not to find it
because
it was not a love I could find
outside
in another.

That was the hitch in my soul.
So now
after thousands of lifetimes
of walking this road
looking for Her
I must see her within me
for before I can honor her outwardly
I must honor her inwardly.

I must stop looking
and searching
outwardly.

Inwardly
I must go
and decide
to give up all the hurt and pain
that has swirled around never finding Her
to caress my woundedness
to speak to me in soft words
telling me I have found my home...

Yet I have not.

I must find Her
within
and the rest remains karmicaly bounded
ready to be taken off like a shoe
but beckoning
vibrant with the force that it seeks
so that it may be undone
so I am free
and easy within myself.

We yearn for that which is unresolved
and in reaching a place where we can forgive it
do we heal.
The energy of the universe fills us clearer
more vibrant.

Love

This love
she says
as she cradles my head
is for you
each of you
undivided
equal.
Teachers in your past have sought
to bring the logos to you
even though through it all
the logos is actually inside of you my beloved child.
That logos is the love.
You are this love
and this love is the universe.
This makes queens and kings of each of you.
The poorest man struggling to walk the streets
or the richest woman living in a castle on a hill
all belong equally to this divine royalty.
You are this love, my love."

What it all means
she whispers
is coming to a place where you can love yourself
until you do that
your world will have dark clouds
and troubled times.
The world is as you see it
and if you have something unresolved within
it clouds your vision
so that the light becomes like a dark smudge on the glass.
All through time its been like this
the world is so hungry for this love
yet many have never felt it in this world
but know it like some forgotten memory....

You can teach a thousand lectures
full of great ideas
but none other will help
as love.
Love is so expansive that there seems to be different faces of it in our world
and yet all of them belong to a larger unfolding love that will remove our need
and begin to supplant with abundance
and abundance of love.
We have divided this love into different loves ourselves.
romantic love or eros,
the cosmic pulse of the erotic and sensual,
the love of a child
tender and expansive
and protective.
We love others for what they supply us.
We love money
and we love basketball,
pants,
paintings,
and birds
and trees.
We love all kinds of things and all of this
is bound up within a much larger realm of experience
which is a love that literally fuels the universe.

Beyond all of this
or perhaps within All
is a deeper pulse
which goes beyond all explanation
and contains all.
It is this love
and what is does for us here.
It alone is the fire which can burn and refine us into beings
that are children of the new age
new world
beyond karmic entanglement
ready for a new adventure in being
where love rules.
This is our collective dream
and many are conflicted about it
so we see this played out on the world stage
and yet the revolution works itself out inwardly
as wave after wave effects more and more
who are feeling the pull of this vast ocean of experience
the nirvana of the sages and gurus
the expanding present
the power of now
and all of the isms that we seek to create to describe or explain it.

Its love.
When you are able to feel your heart open
like the flower that it is
you will feel an indescribable pulse moving through you.
You will be forever changed
and yet what brought you to that place
was the result of being forever changed.
This is the stair stepping we make up through the ranges of our being.
Each step is a revelation
each step important.
Some bear messages from our past to our present and into our future;
remember what you are they say
you are love.

As we move through all of this
love unfolds
or we unfold to love
as our ability to perceive it changes
and then as we open to its expansive vibration
pulses of it get through....
and a new world lays before us
page by page
we go through this
as we move from lower to higher.

Goddess holds out her hand
to all of us
soothing
invigorating
she beckons us near
time for us to embrace that part of us
which we have so long denied.
Her union in each of us
will connect the dots
and reveal to you
the truth of you
which is
that
you are love
and by vibrating at its frequency
you will feel the boundlesness of creation
the entirety of the universe passing through your heart
without a need to clutch or hold
for all wedded to all
is what we are.

This is how we heal this world.

Prayer

Your love is the light by which I see.
Through your grace I am made able.
In your presence
I remember
beyond this place
into the boundless sea of being.

Let me be that which I must be for thee.
Let thee be for me what is mine to know.
I have loved you always.
You are my path.
Upon my lips
a mantra
a prayer
devotion to you
goddess in me
goddess in you

god in me god in you.

Where We Get It Wrong

Albert Bierstadt  
The Shore of The Turquoise Sea


What we have built
in this and past ages
has been  on understandings
knowingness
and perspective
on how far we have come.

We have come a long way
we have further to go.
Nonduality speaks of this body and mind and emotion and world as not real
and yet, all that is
Is.
It is not an illusion
even though a thousand wise sages
have said
it is so.
It was so because they could not concieve it in its highest potential
and in their day
the foundation
of this present Age
was just that;
a foundation
and we have built more
and understood more
and now it is time
not to get stuck in what we
could only conceive of
in a seperation soaked world
where men ruled
and were dismissive
and abusive to half of the population.
This world is important
even if it has escaped our notice
and the larger challenge
that their august body of knowing
could not conjure
which was a still deeper challenge
to our knowing
and growing
and being which is that
the two shall become one
as the particle
and wave
contemplate the other
as the other
and as One.

This world is a suit
for the divine to wear.
It is here for us to learn and know.
That makes it important.
And if you think it is illusion
you will miss an important point,
you will continue to keep
our heaven
and earth
in separation.

We are here to wed these two together
like lover to lover
like spirit to flesh.
Surely they seem different
but they are all part of the same cloth.
They only seem different
but consciousness created them all
and not for no reason
or for jest.
This is how consciousness
has operated
through countless creations
and manifestations
of itself.
We say dreams are not real
because they cannot be touched
and yet
we know
they have a deeper reality
and we pay attention to them.
In much the same way
our world here
is such a dream.
It might seem to have a beginning and an end
but outside of time
time becomes irrelevant
and our world
is a solid pulsing
within an expanding present
always here
incapable of being undone
just as that bell from mass could not be unrung.

This is my challenge to you;
forget what has been given before.
Forget the authorities
and begin to plumb this world on your own.
Consider the heresy that you will know the truth
if you will but ask honestly
without agenda
and be child like
and free.
Take off your breathing aparatus
your fins
and your mask
and jump into this vast sea of consciousness with me
and embrace it
and be embraced by it.
Let its water soak so deep into you
that you fear losing yourself
until you realize in losing yourself
you find yourself
and drawing the ocean into you
like a lover
you remind your earthbound being
that this is heaven on earth
and everything is real.
Even your hurt feelings
and sense of suffering
which the monks and sages have all called illusion
which are part of this world
which you will heal and get over someday
are here
and have an identity
wound up within an invisible electromagnetic winding in the multiversal chorus
and thus are real
and can never be wished away
but must all be healed.Until we do this
my brother, sister, friend,
we will remain the walking wounded
and we will rely on an authority
to tell us what is real.

If you must follow the authorities of ages past
then this is what you still must do.
Until then
I bid you safe travels
and joyful awakening
when that time comes.
And when you are ready
I will be singing your name
happily
wondering
what took you so long
as we swim outside of time
and see
from another realm
how precious
and important
a suit of clothes this world is
to the divine in all of us
even if it means taking it off
so we can swim naked before All.

Missunderstood

Seraphine. She lived her life as an innocent. She was simple in her way; she was a washer woman. At night she heard the voices of the angels and they directed her to live a holy life of creative expression.  She was a self taught painter in France.  She was able to do something that filled her life with something more than the drudgery of scrubbing floors and being seen as nothing but a lowly person who could not do more than what she did. People were often dismissive of her, unable or unwilling to sense the holiness in her. That's because when it comes to the church, it often has a false sense of what the divine is all about.  Its much more than what has been thus far conceived. Luckily for most mystics in the church, they were able to couch their transcendent experiences in the right kind of language so that they did not wind up being branded heretics.  Even then, their experiences were often seen with some suspicion, and documents point to questioning just what the content of their experiences pointed to.  I suppose it was because there was a far of the devil entering and trying to deceive, something that has been a central figure in spiritual experience.

Serpahine's work bears the marks of Awakening.  To someone already awakened, the elements are there.  She is dealing with a unified aspect of the feminine and masculine together in much of her work, using the tree or plant life as a metaphor for presenting this element that surrounds her work. The masculine, seen as the strong and supportive trunk of the tree forms a conceptual foundation visually.  it is also like the Hindu shushuma, the central channel that the power of kundalini is said to travel.  We all can feel how this energy moves through us, pouring its bliss into us, a bliss which carries with it a feeling of the sexual energy that is part of the experience, a transformative energy that moves the self into a deeper relation or position with the divine.  The self, both yin and yang, masculine and feminine, finds itself grappling with these parts of itself in order to find harmony so that these energies may move more effortlessly through the changed person.

As this, the masculine forms moves into the feminine (often exaggerated so that they become like pipelines of energy into the flowing form, representing the masculine phallus form element merges into the feminine) which is the flowering portion of the tree, there is an explosion not just of life, but a transformation of it. Flowers resolve into eyes, mouths, openings, of all kinds of color and pattern. The two, now one, shimmer with a life beyond the mere physical, beyond the mere singular self but moves into a higher realm of being, the essence of awakening.  Union is a universal element connected to awakenings, and its mark can be detected through writings, art, and other creations.    

Much of the holiness that the church seeks to understand or be is a false sense of holiness or purity based on not a surrender of self but a suppression of that self, which ultimately blocks the transcendent experience that is the core of the mystical. This one small detail we often get wrong when fishing around for what this holiness is all about. Sometimes we get it, but sometimes it can also be a miss. The deeper truth is that these transcendent experiences transcend the very religion it seems to be housing.  This is because these ARE transcendent in every meaning of the word.  No religion has a lock on this experience because its a human experience and we all contain within us the coding that will bring an Awakening forward.  God and Goddess could really not be bothered whether its this religion  or that religion.  The love for every particle of creation is so absolute it matters not what race, creed or denomination or religion.  That some are determined to put a stamp upon the experience as ONLY possible with one or another religion just goes to show how little is understood of the mystical experience.  This is true through and through even if its not popular with some.  Ask any mystic.  Ask anyone who has had an awakening.  They will tell you just as I am telling you now that no words can contain this, nor any religion created by humans contain this experience.  Its because once you awaken you realize just how futile it is to try and put a label on this or even explain it. Its simply not explainable because of its immensity. Religions do well to support those in the throes of the experience.  Certainly Seraphine was not understood when her own ecstasy moved into higher gear. It was simply seen as though she was off her rocker.

                                                         Arbre rouge, oil on canvas

We go on witch hunts. We denigrate another, we stand in judgment of others. This shifts us away from our own lives, the beams in our own eyes which we are here to work on. This is the danger in punditry, you see, for there arises a sense of righteousness based on a historical record which has suffered the vagaries of tumbling through our world while we proclaim all the while that its the undefiled word of God. Meanwhile we have countless versions of other books which were suppressed or tossed out completely that contain within them the very secrets of this awakening, and these books, some of them, were ordered burned by the early church in the wake of the Nicean


And there she died.


So I would just like to say that stories like these are common, but I think we need to begin to understand that there is a place within that will hear voices, will feel contact with the divine. We need to be careful about how we react. If Seraphine had been in the church when this happened, she would have been heralded as a minor saint who had religious ecstasies. These same ecstasies are the same as kundalini or any other awakening. There is a physiological basis for it, and if we learn how to awaken with it as a helper instead of a hindrance we can follow the tide of these in a more constructive way. If we seek to tie everything to established religion, we will miss the boat for the very fact that thus far religion only seems able to accomodate, but not fully understand what these ecstasies are all about.


Before we judge others, lets not forget the words of those who were kind and compassionate. I once thought a man who went on a rant about what wound up being an Awakening as somehow being a little intense and wondered just what was up with him. It seemed important to him, but I just didn't get it. We can all be this way so keeping this in mind might be a good thing as we go through our day.

                                                         L'arbre du paradis, oil on canvas

Seraphine was a beautiful soul, like every soul upon the planet. She was simple and soulful and creative. In the end, she was put away because she was not understood. Its time that we consider that there is something more, and that by going forwad in love instead of judgment, we soften the hard edges of this world. If we were to become simple like children, things might be a lot better.  And for all the Seraphine's of the world we might learn something from and become more rich from knowing or having had their print placed on our world. 

The Way It Works

Everything is in place for you.
The earth trembles in her knowing
and her yearning
that you should awaken to your true home
which is deep within her bosom
alive and renewed in your awakening.

So I will give you a shortened version of how it works....
First you awaken.
This is the divine infrastructure infiltrating you.
The trigger is not simple to find
it rests within the soul, the self, and body.
Once flipped
its like a bell that cannot be unrung.
Its vital force might stop for some reason
that is the physiological counterpart to the experience
but there is more.

To refine means to let go.
This is the burning down of the self
the "killing off of the ego" some speak of.
You know how I feel about that
so next in this refining is perhaps understanding
that you have three basic levels in yourself
and in surrendering you allow each level to live within you
as a unity
instead of in separation.

First is your reptile self.
If you look into the brain there rests a perfectly formed reptile brain
inside of you.
Second is your Mammal brain which sits atop the reptile brain.
It looks just the same as any other mammal.
Third is your Ape brain, the part that we tout as setting us above all other life on the planet.
its not that we are above anything
its that our bodies have expressed this next phase which any life here can develop if it chooses.
In the collective self of our species we chose this path.
We each develop through all of the forms on earth....the fish and salamander, the reptile, and finally the human form all while gestating in the womb.  We retain all forms in a sense. Our being is built on a triadic nature.....perhaps our ancient forms still present in each body because its also in our souls....
so what is within is without.

The reptile is our most animal nature.  Left alone, it makes a mess of the world.  It has raped and pillaged and taken more treasure than we can even begin to measure.  But this part of us must rise upward.....pure animal impulse...feel its pure power and then add to it the tempering of the mammal in you. This mammal self has more heart, more reflecting upon what is better for the tribe.  Still, we can war and rape and pillage because we need one other part of ourselves at play, which is the triadic secret of our being and if you can learn to bring these all three into a unity of being then you will experience how divine life here can be for our triadic self.  The addition of our highest brain does not stop us from being as destructive as a reptile might be.  What does is the WILL to stop and consider a better way.  Certainly the ape forebrain helps and has brought us slowly to a better place but the next step is to bring all of these energies into a unity with the power of the Awakening.  As we do this the power of each aspect rises within the other, illuminates the other, fulfills the other.  Somewhere inside of us is the perfect arrangement.  Its a careful balance, but an Awakening can help you find it if you let it.

Father, Mother, and the Christed Son.....the triad.  our inner being....masculine and feminine within each of us gives birth in our healing....our union with those aspects within the Christ consciousness or Buddha nature.  These each move one into the other and are not cast aside or forgotten or treated as bad but understood as simply misunderstood and then brought together.  Creator made no mistake; each part is important and as long as you seek to repress your irrepressible nature you will not be easy with your divine nature.  You see, the animal in you is the raw flame....and this flame will refine as it moves upward into your nature.  It is as it should be, shall be.  This came from page 47 in the book of Awakenings (its the owners manual).  Its pages can be felt rustling within your heart.....

Triadic.  Its the nature of All.  From this union of self and from All will come a love completely unbounded.  Larger than any sea you might visit or conceive.....

The Guidebook To Awakening

For as much as we'd love a guidebook
a user manual
the truth is
the real real truth
is that we are the guidebook.
When we stop seeking it outside of ourselves
and resolve to that one small point within our core
so deep
that to touch this place
sparks a revelation within
that is like union
because it is the essence of union
of a man and woman
or of anyone who ever loved another
so much
that they could not live without that Other
because they knew without a doubt
that they vibrated at the same frequency
felt just as deeply as did they
and in feeling this great world of mystery
were utterly changed
simply
but deeply
where that spark lay
which ignited the fuel of our secret slumbering longing
into a flame
which burned so brightly
with the passion of the divine
that we though we might burn up
with some of us running in fear
that the house was burning down.
And just as St John knew
or discovered
as did Theresa of Avila
and as countless other modern mystics
who are experiencing the same ecstasies
the house does indeed burn down
MUST burn down
in order for the new house to be built.

So from page one of the manual it says
"let the house burn down;  there is great wonder in watching the beams which have supported your outer life come crashing down
only to discover it was all an illusion.
A life begins, but never ends.  It goes through countless cycles.
You will have many mansions
you will have many lifetimes.
What the Creator has made will never be unmade.
The outer house was constructed in your world
the inner house was made by the divine and shall always be
and all houses shall follow its design
until we get it right
and bring divine and physical into a unity
as the two become one
just as surely as the two within you
become one
and as the one that is you
merges with a perfect other
a divine spouse
drawn to you out of the countless of the world
to be your bride
to be your bridegroom.
But first, the house must burn down...."

On page one it also says that when in doubt - love.
Not a love FOR something
but to let your entire frame and form vibrate with its bliss
its longing
its sensual desiring
which is in truth what the Saints experienced
and tried to communicate
without being excommunicated....
but what the church and its followers who stand outside the experience of it
watching as the houses burn
seeking to douse the flames
fearing for the worst.
St. John of the Cross and St. Theresa smile
as we all will smile in our own time of becoming---
we have all been taught that this ecstasy is bad
only because it can be so sexual.
Creator infiltrates everything
so too will it infiltrate our sex
and every single aspect and fill us to the brim
and until we pour over with this sacred flame
(its just that we have kept this part quiet or subdued since forever for fear of witch hunts and heretical pronouncements---we have all had very real reasons to fear for our innocent lives from those who simply do not understand or who are themselves cut off from the pulse of divine in their own hearts).
There wont be a place where it wont be
a place where its spark does not spread
fire-like
through us.
It will move through you
seducing you like  a lover
it will explore every corner of you
and you will learn to surrender to its passionate embrace
as it shows you its heaven
as liquid its passion resolves
and flows through you
healing you as it goes.
Its not that we become sexualized
we all actually have to become more and more refined in order to take its awesome power
for without the divine we could not handle such passion such longing such beingness.
We have to balance such intensity
with divinity
with refinement
and a kind of true purity
not built from some false notion
but of vibrating so truly to It
to wedding yourself so closely to it
that there never was a question
that you were its spouse
its beloved.
Not one sliver of uncertainty
but total union
for this then allows the two to vibrate
energetically
in sympathy
so that their union
might be known from top to bottom
through and through....
in this experience, you see,  the volume is turned up
the bass
the treble
and the color is turned up too....
this experience brings up all experiences to a Peak
as everything resolves to flame
and we ourselves surrender to it as we were made to do,
something that we describe with many words
but the words do not have some magic beyond merely describing a deeper mystery
that is the serpent flame
that sends the Fundamentalists running certain that some verse in their bible spoke of being careful around serpents
not understanding that it wasn't a real snake
but just this;
someone once likened  the sensual movement of this energy
to how a snake feels as it moves in your hand
and its true
in a sense.
This energy, this divine presence does move in silky sensual undulations
any physicist can tell you about energy
the same is the case for your bodily life force
that has quite suddenly been set free
and allowed to run like it was made to run
and love
boundlessly.
When we touch God and his feminine counterpart Goddess
you can feel how EVERYTHING becomes larger
as you ascend into a higher version of yourself
outside of time
and beyond all definition
and which is why its silly to worry about what religions have to say
because the true church is inside of you
and if you want to know the right way to go
then follow the sacred flame within you.
Eventually, through its direction
you will get it right.
You wont need any authority in this world
telling you that you need to douse those flames
or that anything sacred is entirely devoid of passion
and the glory that that passion confers...
Your own authority will have awakened
or your ears and eyes were opened enough to see and hear

The thing that you will never understand
about this
is that this is bayond all relgion
beyond all dogma
beyond all approach.
Quietly, it is experienced.
Trying to write a manual is rediculous
and a joke really.
We were each made to feel this.
Each of us has iwthin us the means to anchor this
not because of some demonic urging
but because the divine has not been understood
our minds were weak
and missunderstood the flames for tragedy.
EVen those being consumed fear the flames
but these flames are not themselves flames
they are the snakes of kundalini;
just a way to try to put word to something entirely wordless.

At this place there is no judgement
and we resolve into children
for just as Jesus said
we must be like children
to enter the Kingdom.
And this kingdom is all around us
just as he said
but many did not understand
or misconstrued.
You don't need a religion to touch God and his feminine aspect, Goddess.
What you need is an Awakening
for it alone
has the power to burn down all of your carefully built constructions
and no matter if those constructions were built upon thousands
of years of tradition and others passing them down to you;
even if something is wrong or incorrect no amount of cleaving to it
by countless people will ever make that tradition or notion or thought correct
when it is inherently flawed.
Remove the flaw and let stand the true vine
which moves within each of us.
Beyond your religion
beyond your conceptions
and beyond the house you have built
your outer personna
that you use to interface with the world.
That part will surely burn down
and when it does you will be utterly amazed
and pleased
and confounded.


So on this day I will give one silent gift to this world
which is that on each day I send my breath out
to no one
to everyone
to breathe this breath that is fire
and which we can each fan to a flame.
I bear a fire
here to remind you that you can
in this moment
awaken to my god kiss
to that part of me
which will awaken you
to a divine yearning
that you will think will come from another
but which will be your own.
I will simply remind you what you already knew deep inside
beneath the carpet and blinds and artwork you thought was important to your life now.
I whisper that soon
very soon
we will all stand entirely naked before the source of all life
and see a light within it shining in us
and in that moment
there wont be need for words
or a reason to say why
or my spreading fire through the sky.
In that day we wont need books for our words
for we will have gone entirely beyond knowing
into Being.

When worse comes to worse
the best thing is to love without condition
and to seek only the highest.
Until this awakening finds you
until you are taken
like a lover by it
and cherished beyond all others
for the fact that you are all others
as the spark in me
runs through you
and all others.
On that day you will feel into this
and resist the urge to put out the flames.

My Goddess I will love you beyond all imagining.
I can do no other.
I cannot love you through fear of loss of you
for I never lost you
your presence has in a way slumbered within me
as I sought in the outer world your image.
I sought until my feet bled.
But now my inner godself seeks me to be led
to a promised land
within me
and I pray that I am strong enough to resist ego and fear
and just let the house burn down
so that I might build this new life
this new home
in total union with you.
I will love you beyond all expectation
even if my small self struggles.
It is afterall why we are here; to resolve duality
and fit the world to a new harness
a new understanding of ourselves.
For you.

The Healing

I do not know how to heal myself.
I know how to surrender
sometimes
it goes so deep
but healing this......
is maybe not something we do
but something we move away from
and say through action
I am ready for something different.
We do not heal by holding the hurt
but dropping it and never looking back at it
and remand it to the higher self.
Something tells me we have to be like children
able to forgive and forget and move on to some broad new adventure
in order for new fertile land to open up inside of ourselves.

I have decided that if I am afraid of never being with you
then I shall live in your heart
and do as He admonished; love you beyond all loving and beyond all reward.
The one thing this Awakening has afforded me which is
how we can each in a collective way be blissfully One
across thousands of miles.

You are the sum of all my searching
wondering
yearning
and love.

I will move my presence through you
in this great mystical dance of love
which this experience affords us
and that you are so deserving of.
This peels away the layers of duality
and separation.
If I can live in your smile
and vibrate through your heart center
in such a loving and knowing way
then my fear of being alone
will have to wait outside
because when I am with you in this way
I feel true peace for the first time in a long time.
I feel us moving evenly together
as duality is erased
and my masculine and feminine
connects perfectly to your feminine and masculine
as if we were puzzle pieces.
Only through feeling it will I become it
I think.

So sing to me
your heart song
remind me that all those centuries of searching are over
we are home now
like two birds making a new nest in the sky of a new world
as our ruby-throated songs herald this new day.
I would make my song a piece of yours and my spirit a twin to your own.

Our Ancient Past

We often bemoan how the world seems set on telling us what it is we want.  There is truth to this.  There is truth to how our world serves to keep ingrained old ways of being and thinking. Its a self perpetuating system of collective energetics.  Its one reason why the tide of awakenings on the planet is so hopeful and encouraging to me.  When the collective being begins to move then we can all potentially benefit. Just as there is an awakening with one person and their kundalini energy, imagine the entire collective itself awakening, resonating at a higher vibration.

Companies through time have sought to find ever more effective ways to sway opinion as well as belief.  They will bend belief, knowing they can. They play on our rawest of emotions.  This happens not just on Wall Street but in government as well.  Why else would a peaceful person be moved to blood lust and be in support of, say, an invasion force in a foreign country? If you are quiet and dispassionate and able to step back and then look back at past campaigns (we have one every presidency now) you can see how the sell went.  And its very much a sell.  Never mind that most, if not all, of these campaigns are based on a fiction or the result of our efforts through the covert state to make things appear a certain way (U.S. govt -via CIA- funded and backed Al Qaeda, for instance).

To do all of this means suppressing or distorting the truth.  The process that this takes is often not just an honest breaking of the truth into little pieces so it can be reformed into some other kind of shape but is often simply bent slowly over time in a person's mind until they begin to believe the new version themselves.  The psyche WANTS to believe its doing right and if it can somehow justify this, the self feels more settled and at peace.  Easily you can see just how insane this all is, and yet, its part of our coping mechanisms as a species.  Its how we all can get brain-washed and believe in the most amazing stories or take the most outrageous positions. There is an entire system within our world that works on keeping your opinions formed according to what they want. It involves control of information so that what you get from the very beginning is faulted or slanted in their direction.  It means creating events from the very start that appear a certain way.  With the help of corporate media who is willing to tow the line of certain elites, government and corporations work together---this is what we call fascism folks---in forwarding an agenda that is FOR the government and corporations but not for the PEOPLE. David Rockefeller was quoted in the minutes of a group meeting of the major media outlets not so long ago thanking the likes of Time, Newsweek and others for NOT reporting on certain news, news that would have been harmful to his efforts at building a New World Order  This meeting took place in 1991 at Baden Baden Germany and at the time his words were proved prophetic as he said that  “… it would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subjected to the lights of publicity during those years. But, the world is now more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world government …” 

In breaking away from such a mind set is important in order that we are able to see with clear eyes how this system of control has sought to perpetuate itself at the very highest levels of our business and government.  It is nothing less than an effort to preemptively seek to maintain the same control which has been the  the legacy of our world for countless generations.  These are the same people who seek to push governments into war because war is so profitable.  These are the same people who would sell their own families down the river if they thought it would net them a profit.  Michael Moore said this so succinctly in an interview with the producers of the documentary The Corporation where he said the only reason why they let his movies air is because the elite he is railing against actually thinks that they can make some money off the rope they are selling him, the very rope he uses to hang them with.

Constantly this effort at selling a certain slant of the truth goes on every day.  This happens in a successful way because people themselves are unwilling or unable to listen to their own inner voice and heed instead the voice of authority, of the government, or institution (club, civic organization or religion).  This happens also because people are told to trust their government and these very institutions run by people who have such a slanted view or seek to present slanted or twisted views of how things are. This is how  books that would have been in the bible were kept out.  Some of these books dealt with the concept of healing the whole self, the role of the masculine and feminine in the self as part and parcel of reaching the "kingdom."  Instead, these books were in their time pronounced heretical and were ordered burned along with their sponsors just after that august meeting at Nicea.  It was only because some well preserved copies of these books were discovered in 1945 in the desert at Nag Hammadi.  All of this sounds crazy at first to people when they read it or hear it, but when you study some of these works with a sound eye towards understanding how important it is for us to heal ourselves as part of reaching a better place (and some of the books in the Nag Hammadi point to a way of doing this) but perhaps there is a reason why in our time these books were discovered.  Perhaps we are ready, perhaps its time.

 Gandhi once said that  with any new idea "first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."  In the mean time we continue to work against a tide of resistance which is the human mind, configured whether naturally or through artifice, in order to reach the natural and true fundamentals of truth.  And what are these?  Maybe part of our world is that its a lot stranger than we might want to admit or believe.  By pointing to just about every unusual building that seems impossible to us to have built, Erik Von Daniken in his books created a sensationalized approach to our unusual world.  And to his benefit I would say that absent full knowledge all we have are theories.  For example, its becoming clearer that we had an understand of fixed winged aircraft to the point that we created models of them which show up in the archeological record.  Some have seemed to show up at the temple of Abydos in a rather surprising kind of way.  There, along the lintel of the temple are a cluster of images, almost all of which look to depict a series of aircraft.  Not just one.  One we might be able to dismiss as simply coincidental but representing something else entirely. But at Abydos we have much more than just one. Wat we find is a string of them, all objects that can very easily be seen as aircraft.  One image of this lintel is below:

 

Our history is not one that is well understood. The image above was discovered in 1848, long before we had helicopters or jet aircraft.  They weren't given a second look until the early 1990's.  Recently, according to news reports, yet another series of images were discovered of helicopters at the  Amon Ra Temple in Karnak.  In researching this story, I was not able to find any images even though a number of writers mentioned the same story. The historians' efforts to explain this is that the carvings are the result of an optical illusion resulting from older carvings being revealed from a still deeper section of the lintel.  The idea here is that there were still more carvings underneath the carvings and it was an effective blending of two images that created the look of a helicopter and other aircraft. 

There are still other examples of this unusual past where things may well have been quite different from what we have thought. 

A succinct article from the web site forbidden history it states:

"In 1954 the government of Colombia sent part of its collection of ancient gold artifacts on a U. S. tour. Emmanuel Staubs, one of America's leading jewelers, was commissioned to cast reproductions of six of the objects. Fifteen years later one was given to biologist-zoologist Ivan T. Sanderson for analysis. After a thorough examination and consulting a number of experts, Sanderson's mind-boggling conclusion was that the object is a model of a high-speed aircraft at least a thousand years old. Approximately 2 inches long the object was worn as a pendant on a neck chain. It was classified as Sinu, a pre-Inca culture from A.D. 500 to 800. Both Sanderson and Dr. Arthur Poyslee of the Aeronautical Institute of New York concluded it did not represent any known winged animal. In fact, the little artifact appears more mechanical than biological. For example, the front wings are delta-shaped and rigidly straight edged, very un-animal-like. The rudder is perhaps the most un-animal but airplane-like item. It is right-triangle, flat-surfaced, and rigidly perpendicular to the wings. Top view Only fish have upright tail fins, but none have exclusively an upright flange without a counter-balancing lower one. Adding to the mystery, an insignia appears on the left face of the rudder, precisely where ID marks appear on many airplanes today. The insignia is perhaps as out-of place as the gold model itself, for it has been identified as the Aramaic or early Hebrew letter beth or B. This may indicate that the original plane did not come from Colombia, but was the product of a very early people inhabiting the Middle East who knew the secret of flying."[1]

Some of these pieces look like this:




























An original image of the Columbian amulet pieces

A modern reproduction of one of the Columbian pieces.

An example of one of the pieces that were copied and flown by two American engineers (below)





The link to the article is below:

Airplane Article


Another link on this same site yields an array of unexplainable artifacts such as machined objects like nails and screws encased in limestone, whose layers date back millions of years. There are stories like the one of the silver cup that had stylized floral decorations all around its side discovered in strata that was hundreds of millions of years old.

When I was a college student the mother of a friend who I went to school with explained that her father who was mining coal in West Virginia was amazed to find that they had uncovered a layer of coal that revealed a set of tire prints that went off into the distance. Everyone stood around scratching their heads at this hard to explain anomaly. Finally after a few hours of this, the foreman ordered the tracks taken up and work commenced in the mine. The foreman explained this action as saving everyone from losing out on months worth of work in the mine since they would be required to have archaeologists come in to examine the find and this could take a lot of time. Now this is only a story that I am passing on to you.

When we deal with the issue of these hard to explain artifacts we inevitably cross a confluence of differing currents. First we have arrogance. Never underestimate the power of human arrogance. We proclaim only humans have a soul, and thus the animals we slaughter for our food do not feel. We proclaim through the same arrogance that human advancement has only been significant in the last hundred years or so. Anything before that, and we were merely squalid peasants living in the muck.

This kind of assumption is of course short sighted, yet many of our most learned people jump to it. We have airplanes that clearly ARE airplanes yet because we have no other evidence of their being airplanes in ancient history, we HAVE to call them fish, or birds, or misunderstood or misconstrued anomalies. Or we can consider that our history has only been partly told and that through the ages our documents have been lost. There was a cataclysm that resulted in a giant flood that brought Noah his fame, and when we look into the geology of this event it looks like an incredibly sudden and cataclysmic event. This was enough to push cities near the water under the sea. Perhaps the idea of an advanced civilization existing was more than just a happy myth. Perhaps as some suggest, the earth's axis shifted physically (not just magnetically as has been happening lately) which set into motion a frozen north that was decidedly tropical.  We have found animals fast frozen with tropical plants in their mouths as they were caught quite suddenly by a fast freeze, herds of these animals all in mid-run.


This results in an even weirder thing happening; we take anomalies and ascribe nearly impossible theories instead of just using Occams Razor, which states that all things being equal, usually the simplest explanation is the one that fits.  Instead airplanes that are later reverse engineered are found will fly flawlessly without any "futzing" with the details.  We find a Roman coins and other objects in the New World long before Columbus

Romans

Our history is more interesting than anything we probably could even come up with on our own.  One thing I do know in my bones; we will continue to come forward with forgotten knowledge until it finds its way into the mainstream.  The problem with human beings on the planet right now is that the need to control people is seen as all important.  You see it everywhere.   Our media tells us what we want.  Many of our wants are dictated less by our true selves as someone on Wall Street who has products to sell.  When we can shift our awareness to bringing to people what they themselves want, we will maybe get somewhere.  But wait.....some will say all you have to do is look to youtube to see that the world is full of people who express what they want and the high water mark is not that high!  There is a lot of complaining and slamming of other people.  And I think you should expect that with a population as out of sorts with itself as it is.  Lots of grumbling.  Lots of jealousy, anger, and even hurt.  But daily what happens on television is we are seduced by what it is we see.  This form of seduction drives a false sense of want.  If you step back for five minutes and think about what REALY is important to you, you might just find a very different picture.  As different perhaps as the official story fed to us about 9/11 or Egypt and South America and our ancient history and what very likely happened in all truth.  Understand, I don't think it takes a conspiracy for any of this to happen. This kind of thing happens in every moment.  Its a tendency we as humans have that I think we need to work on weeding out of our code of behaviors.  We need to begin a period where we listen to ourselves and know that the answer lies within. 

So here we are.  We are here with all of this incredible confabulation ready to jump quantum-like into something that will be all the more amazing for the fact that what we are about to step into can't be explained with what we have learned in our current world.  So much has been submerged, so much hidden.  So now its time for this period to reveal a deep mystery and this mystery resides within us and within all of matter. It might be a little easier if we are more honest with ourselves, which is that we are everybit as intelligent today as we were ten thousand years ago, the only difference is the ACCUMULATION of knowledge....facts, figures, research.  History has shown as with the Mastadon that things can happen so fast that an animal can go extinct as it runs with grass in its mouth away from the perceived threat and then frozen like that in polar ice.  Could entire civilizations been wiped out just like this? Could, within just a few generations, the memory of a flying ship be forgotten.  If a flying ship was made by one ruler and then ordered destroyed by another, you can BET that a full court press was made to make sure history never remembered any of his or her predecessors achievements.  I am saying this this way because this same scenario has already happened with what may be one of the biggest discoveries of naval history, which was that China had one of the most advanced seafaring navies in the world at a time when Europe was little more than a backwater culturally.  China had a fleet that went to Australia, the Coast of California and South America.  Its a little known fact that was hushed up by an emperor who sought to destroy all evidence of his predecessor and nearly succeeded.    You can read all about it in another blog entry on this site which is HERE.

The world is a wild place.  Amazing, really.  Its waiting to become that garden again.....

To learn how to begin to break free and understand how your own inner powerhouse works, please see this link within the blog...

Your Path To The Trancendant

New Birth

As we die to what we once were to what we are becoming, can we look cogently and clearly at our process to understand what is happening to us in the midst of kundalini or some other form of awakening? While we seek to kill off the ego as some suggest, are we simply birthing some new arrangement of the self?

In Awakenings there is talk of ego death as an important part of the process. I think the term is confusing because ego does not die. Nothing created does. Everything, born of energy, remains. What does happen, however, is the self is rearranged through this process. The ego itself does not die but is taken from its front and center role as controlling agent to a participant in the process of comprehending duality......but just not running the show. This rearranging of the self is important because the boundlessness of the soul which begins to press a kind of inner crisis in many when faced with collective consciousness involves a very different kind of consciousness. Ego is itself very much bound up within limit whereas the larger self simply is not. It can quite easily flow into the great All in the moment. There have been many a struggles that have involved the ego and the self unable to surrender to the higher self, the god and goddess within us.

People talk about it, though, like its dead and gone. I think this is a mistake because the ego self is not a pat little part like an alternator in a car that can simply be taken out or replaced. Its part of a complex dynamic system that is built more like poetry than cars. To understand the ego I think you have to step back a little and observe. To me the ego is not merely a surface detail but is instead integrated into the personality and helps us to differentiate between me and thee. This part of us was developed here on the dual plane for this very purpose. It has, though, gotten entirely out of hand. There was a time when we had a far great mobility to our consciousness and this was due in part to an ego that was not so front and center dominant. It does, however, go from surface self to deep essential self. Even the soul knows itself as its own identity, so this becomes a higher plane form of ego. Once created, individuality cannot be unmade. The individual is not some illusory thing, or something that will become subsumed into some larger self but goes on in its own way, capable of operating both as particle and wave, as individual and riding in unity consciousness. The problem as I see it is that we very much think that we have to kill the ego. I suspect this may have to do with some eastern traditions that have promulgated this view. Like any discipline or dogma or religion, there are any number of views about what we should or should not do. Thing is, we can do and become whatever we so choose. We are free to do this. Feeling into your very core you will find this freedom to be a kind of birthright. At the core of this lies a creative energy that is constantly shifting and changing. Just as we can shift and change, so can the shape of our consciousness.

Ego goes from surface to deeper self and is part of a continuity of being that flows from one aspect to another. Use whatever paradigm or method for reflecting or trying to understand it, ultimately I think that if you are reflective and honest yourself you can see and feel into what the ego is and how interconnected it is in your being. The lesson is in not letting the ego gain control of the ship. Its great as a spotter of other ships, but when it comes to it seeking to navigate the ship, forget it. The ego will find and attach meanings to phenomenon in an awakening that can be entirely blown out of perspective as well as being distorted. The ego, like the mind, simply cannot make sense of an awakening the way the feeling self can. Ironically many of our institutions of thought tend to relegate the feeling self to that part of our being that is more primitive. It is in truth the most developed part of us for "understanding" these awakenings. When the ego and mind get into the act small things become big things and all of our foiables come to the fore. This is good if you want to deal with them but the ego is not interested in dealing with anything except running the show. The ego will tend to bring in associations that may or may not have bearing on the matter at hand. This is because the ego and mind are themselves not very intuitive. Your feeling self, however, is very intuitive.

The trick in all of this is how to arrange the self in such a way that the ego does not cause a lot of problems. Awakenings that involve kundalini will tend to push this arrangement upon you at some point or another. In truth, we are born and die micro second to microsecond. Our bodies mirror this truth as every six to seven years our bodily material is completely replaced. Consciousness flickers in this way, but "you" do not seem to disapear but if you feel into your being you will find that your energy will always tend to be a very rapid pulsing or vibration of energy that belies this "flicker" effect that is part and parcel of consciousness and all energy as wave form. All energy, including consciousness, moves from zero point to its full potential. The ego, then, can continue to be a challenge until the self adopts a new stance, a more permanent posture that feels better to it. Instead of having the ego at the front door, its now more content to watch at the world around it from a side or back window. And that works very well.

At higher levels of consciousness it is this same ego that makes connections with others in divine union. This is the essence of kundalini. For some it is union with a deity or energy. For others, its in soul unions with people here on earth in something we call soul connections. Others have called them twin flames and there is a lot of ideas surrounding what these unions are but they are simply the result of a mirroring process and can, if successful, drive change in a catalytic way. Sometimes people can become stuck and not go through healing or change. We tend to draw to us what we currently believe we need. If the higher self speaks loudly enough then a new wrinkle can be brought into the process. This could involve, among a vast array of things, something that involves "death" of the ego.

I think that we will each find our way through this. The great opportunity that an awakening brings is what seems to be a more conscious and faster form of manifesting what we feel we deserve or what we want to co-create here on the planet. If this means that the Way is easier by subsuming a part of the self into the self, or by rearranging the ego, then it may make things easier. But there are many paths, and we all need to learn what we need to learn in our own way. Kundalini will see to that if you are open to it and willing to let it bring learning to you.

The self is highly malleable and can be arranged and rearranged. How do you think moving into a more feeling mode of being will serve you in your path? Do you think that a more intellectual approach will work for now? Would it be easier if the ego just stepped out of the way for a bit?

Good luck in your journey!