Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Within you is all that you need.  We get caught up in this world with things that we feel like we need that are outside of ourselves.  Some things are basic, like food and shelter, but these all have an emotional component.  If we feel that we didn't get what we should have, if we feel hurt by life, we wind up with the coverings which solidify into body armor.  In the same way that Ida Rolf noted how certain injuries or even emotional problems resulted in the person holding the body differently, we record that which we do not resolve into our feeling self which is the energy body.  The brain, being a recorder, is more like a file cabinet. It seems that past feelings, while accessed through memory, are located in the feeling part of us.  Terms like "gut feeling" or "trust your heart" all refer to an awareness that feeling is in the body.  No, not just physical sensation, because that is all over the body. What I mean is that what we "push down" is what we ignore....and it becomes lodged in the energy body.  This is why acupuncture, Qi Gong, and other types of energy work are so useful in helping to catalyze the changes needed to become aware of the forgotten stuff, but to also learn how to deal with them. An Awakening can also serve as a powerful catalyst to stirring up these knots or hard places inside of us that need attention.  If you think of the energy body, in consort with the physical body, as a channel for energy, you can imagine how this channel can become blocked with our myriad unresolved issues.  Its interesting that every single one of them somehow resolves, in one way or another, into love.  So we begin a process of learning slowly how to deal with all of what I thought of as "the inventory."  When I first began this journey I asked this energy in me what it was it was doing. I was well aware that it was helping me to remove stuff from my insides, and as I asked this simple question I found myself standing in a giant warehouse.  The image was apt; there I was, quite suddenly, looking at an array of stuff and it was all mine.  While on the one hand I came away from this feeling a little daunted, I also had the feeling that no one else was going to be able to do this except me.  Luckily I had something to help me in the process.....this energy which had come to....inhabit me....which was itself highly refined and beautiful.  And a task master. 

There are teachers and systems galore.  Ultimately, they are all lead the horse to drink.  Truly.  At a certain point you have to do the work required, and this "work" is simple.  Sometimes I think that its so simple that we miss it, or misunderstand it.  Life is hard, a challenge.  You have to work like crazy to see any result in your own life situation, etc.  But by moving out of that place and considering that the process is itself a simple moment of release, surrender, the path can become more simple.

I think that inside of us is a compass.  This compass is sometimes hard to read because we either don't know its there, or we simply don't trust it due to what life has served to teach us, or beliefs we have taken on (life is hard, etc.).  By being very simple in ourselves, the simple resolves. My experience was that I took this piece by piece.  This was not something that happened all at once, but was like chipping away at a stone.  Each moment of surrender led to another, and bit by bit, things got easier.  By daring to love ourselves, not that narcissistic form, but the one where we are able to draw healthy boundaries in life so we don't fall prey to hurt or get into situation that aren't god for us, where we take care of ourselves not out of fear but out of prudence and care for our own being, we can actually create a better place for this experience to unfold.  By relying on others for our happiness, we become dependent upon them for a host of things, and it is this co dependence that can cause a lot of problems, including the victim mentality. We wind up blaming others for what we willingly bought into, or were attracted to karmically.  Cycles like this become self reinforcing.  By being clear inside, as clear as possible, I think we know how we would like to be treated, how we would like our lives to be.  By not being afraid to listen to this compass, by not being afraid to give ourselves what we need, no matter how it might change our lives on the outside, I think the journey can become easier.  By learning to follow the bliss that an Awakening offers, we slowly are able to move out of dysfunction and into the light of this wonderful thing.  And yet, this all comes in levels, layers.  Our understanding of this bliss, or our embodiment of it increases, improves, transforms, with each chip we take from that seemingly massive emotional boulder.

I do think we know.....and if we do so in love, then how can it be wrong?  But wait.....what if by doing that, we hurt someone....well okay, what if that person is caught up in the same karma as you?  As you seek to exit that old way of being while they remain, its possible there will be hurt.  You are leaving the playground, and that seems like a rejection.  By being compassionate, we also become more understanding of both ourselves and others. Compassion, to me, is another aspect of love.  Its not a love that will always coddle, but will be considerate and unconditional. And fair.  You can give compassion without buying into someone's own world of hurt, though.  We do not have to become martyrs to a cause. Within what they feel is real, what is hanging them up and troubling them, we can still hold a hand and offer support.  But it doesn't mean we jump into that pool of pain or hurt or whatever else that karma involves. So often its only once we have made that jump into that sea or karma that we then see the result of that action.  Its a cyclic thing.....and we can become so enmeshed in old behaviors that the weight of the past bears on the new moment.

By feeling into love, by learning how to be grace-filled, I think we can continue to feel every greater levels of bliss.  When we get beyond our beliefs that such a bliss is somehow bad or sinful, we remove yet another layer of dross, because in an Awakening we are put face to face with our divine heritage beyond all belief, beyond all dogma.  This is how this larger cosmic love expresses itself.  We have a lot of shame about love, about how it makes us feel, and also about our bodies and all the rest. But if we consider for a moment that these are simply beliefs that limit the wonder of creation flowing through us, we can go towards the light of love in a way that constantly challenges and informs us of the best way to go. Towards the bliss....and you WILL feel the difference!  If my mind shifts from this state, I can feel the pain which exists in lowering the vibration. Its a simple little compass but its one that if we follow, is never wrong. Ask yourself, in the glowing abundance that is this higher realm of cosmic flow, how can there not be boundless opportunity for everything from healing to living a life that is abundant and happy?  Its not wide-eyed pollyanna-ism, but the one feeling that can change how you are and will help lead you to that which is yours....Remember, pain is a signal to learn how to stop the pain.  Whatever brought on the pain, its yours to learn what keeps the pain at bay.  In the midst of an Awakening, there is the issue of the pain body.  This pain body is entirely energetic, and luckily, I think, people are becoming aware of it in this age.  By saying that, it becomes a tangible evidence of this compass in us.  Sometimes we need some confirmation that its right, so we go round and round until the mind or ego or whatever else in us is satisfied, once again, that this indwelling knowing is right.  The real challenge I think is learning how to simply follow the compass without questioning it. 

Sometimes, being willing to say "its a mystery" and let go, is all that is needed.  By giving up the need to know...the need to continually get pushed out of the moment where this bliss resides, you begin to worry about what you cannot control.  Do what you can, and then stay in the moment.  Moving out of the moment will put you where your compass cannot operate well.  Then you can stop the allure of worrying about what has yet to be and move into what Is.  Then its like a curtain gets pulled back and something marvelous awaits. its a surrender of all the self loathing, hurt, worry, uncertainty, investment, righteousness, and everything else that keeps you tied in knots. We feel like if we let go the world will just whack us like it always has.  But you might be surprised how letting go also frees you up to begin a new life, a new world where you suddenly can look down moment to moment and feel what is right.

Trust.  Its in you to feel this.  It is your birthright! 

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