Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Popping The Lid Off Duality

Okay, so when you go through this awakening experience you become very aware of how your bliss is the result of a merging of two opposites inside of you.  I was aware of it as a refined intelligence that had suddenly started moving through me.  It had a sense of awareness about itself, but it felt so diffuse or so developed that the "I" was not there in the way it is with a person.  It was certainly there, no doubt, but this "being" for want of a better term was more like one of us far far far into the future when we evolve into earth spirits, sky spirits, guardians of vaster realms of energetic experience.  Not to say this IS what kundalini is, but very much HOW it felt which is perhaps to say that this is a higher order awareness, what I say in my book our future selves looping back into us, a cosmic hand up from out divine or cosmic parents.

You can feel their union in you from the moment this begins to move.  Some say kundalini must go UP the spine to be fully realized.  I say its fully realized the MOMENT you feel it.  Then, it sweeps you clean.  And then, yes, you learn how to flow into ever greater levels of INTEGRATION of that energy which is there in UNION from the get-go.  Realize, what I am saying is that the two forces of the divine masculine and feminine are not working their way UP to reach a place of union.....they ARE in union.  THIS is what creates the unique experience of kundalini.  And it is we, on an individual level, who learn how to effectively mimic this, or learn it from this cosmic parentage.  Its how ALL learning works in our world, so I use the analogy because its so close to how things work with awakening.

So, knowing this, we sense there are two poles in us that push and pull.  Really? We certainly experience that.  I say the poles are a seeming in a larger world of reality.  Here, though, through the magic of individuation, we tend to move from one end of the pole to another. We do this based on our own natures at the soul level.  Its a choice, basically. For some reason one soul feels more aligned with the inverted force of the feminine whereas another soul will feel more aligned with the extroverted energy of the masculine.  We then see the sexes, the natural kingdom dealing in all of this dual expression and we say, its a manifestation of something deeper.  But what if in truth, what kundalini is trying to tell us is that all of the sexual energy we feel, all of the yearning we feel is merely the result of being pulled from one end of the polarity spectrum?  And what do you think would cause this tension?

In awakening, when you feel ANY form of tension, what can you attribute it to? The literature is rife with this phenomenon of energetic tension, and its spoken about as leading to intense pain in the body only to find there is NOTHING in the body to warrant it.  Its entirely energetic.  What do you think causes this?  I say that the cause of this is our own misalignment from the deeper truth....and this misalignment is karma. If you consider that all karma is a miperception of what is true, you will realize that it is karma that gets in the ay of your being able to FLOW and integrate kundalini. This is all done in degrees and is not a sudden thing, but is more like a spiral than a destination. If you were to see it visually, you'd see a spiral going on forever.  There IS no end.  We just keep going, developing, opening, realizing our greater potential along this growing world of awareness.  We all accept I think that as you drop karma you free yourself up to FEEL more deeply into what this kundalini thing is. And what it is is simple; bliss.  THis bliss is a new level of being based on joy and wonder than the old modes of pain and loss. Its a flip.  WHat has been keeping your from experiencing bliss is karma. You THINK you are separate.  You THINK you aren't loved.  You THINK you will be abandoned.  Now just to make things interesting, in comes the Law of Attraction.  Remember, its entirely neutral, but once it hits you (well it doesn't suddenly hit you....its ALWAYS there....) but once it "hits you" you naturally find events form themselves around your expectations.  So in the case of a hard karma about loss, well the world will bring you loss.  You become a prisoner to your own junk.  Now that's hard. But kundalini is there, a kind of ace in the hole and it whispers "You have a have free can choose to feel differently......the path is forgiveness.....only this will free can't pretend your way out of feeling must BE different....."

So karma is the material that separates us from our nonduality.  Its like mortar between two bricks that really don't want to be separate but ONE.  It LOOKS like the two bricks are separate through the wonders of the physical world of seeming, but in truth, the bricks came from the same seam of clay, were all made of the exact same stuff.  Deeper down, the bricks know they are part of something that makes up a whole.  Dissolving the karma results in settling in deeper to the Source of all life and to the bliss that pours through it. This bliss leads to a very different life, and I daresay its far preferable than living a life of loss, anger, sadness or fear.

So we tend to divide out from one pole to another because of how bodies have evolved to process this energy on a physical level.  We create more people through the process of our being individual and sexed differently.  We have all made this choice to do this.  We identify with a certain composition of sexual traits.  This isn't merely male or female, but also can result in a range of effects where people have a blend of traits, too, as in the case of gay or lesbian. Based on my own experience, though, I can say that there is  a polarity to this energy much like a magnet having two poles and attracting based on its opposites.

I have never read this having happened to anyone before, but some time ago I had an experience that involved what I can only describe as a momentary flip of my energetic poles.  This happened as a result of feeling into my makeup energetically.  While I do feel we tend to move into one end of the sexual energetic spiritually, I also note that we ourselves are a mixture of traits that we would identify as being masculine or feminine.  As a result of this, one layer is a MIX of traits. On another layer, we are polarized towards one end of the spectrum of yin and yang.  I would say for simplicities sake that the former tends to define your sexual orientation.  Again, I think its entirely possible to have variations inbetween where the identification between one or the other is less polar.  I don't think its a hard and fast rule, just that there SEEMS to be a tendency towards one end of the poles over another per soul choice.

In this experience I became aware that I was a woman living in a country that very much looked like Mongolia. I lived in a kind of hut or tent.  It was covered with the hides of animals.  We wore heavy clothes because it was cold most of the time.  As I felt into this through the eyes of kundalini, I felt something happen where my own sensing into my sexual energy experienced a sudden flip in my body.  There, in my life as a male, I could feel my energy change.  It was as though it turned itself inside out. Instead of a beam of energy projected outward, I was a shaft of darkness pulling inward.  I did not push energy OUT I pulled energy IN. What I experienced, though, was a bliss that was identical to what I had felt as a male. The only difference was HOW I felt it. Perhaps how it was processed, or HOW energy moved through me was different, but the feeling was about the same.  Looking out through her eyes, I could feel how fond she was of her partner.  He had rough callused hands from the work he did. He was kind of rough in a way, yet he was simple and direct.  He was uncomplicated.  His eyes were like a beam of energy that exuded a quiet sense of confidence.  I cherished him.  And feeling this, it was a revelation.  As a male in this life, I found that I did not feel weirded out in the least by this.  IN fact, I was overcome by the sense of love and intensity that existed between these two people.  I felt the same attraction I might have felt otherwise except the energy went IN instead of OUT.  As I felt this memory fade, I felt my alignment continued along the feminine pole.  I then observed that the pull began to weaken and I could feel the polarity literally shift inside of me, like a bubble rising to the surface of the water.  What happened through all of this, though, was an amazing amount of energy was liberated.  For days I felt the waves from this experience.  I think that under most circumstances because of our own fear, we never experience this just because we are somehow afraid it will alter us, make us strange.  We are, after all, some of the most repressed beings sexually of any species on the planet. Centuries of weird societal and religious controls that I think are entirely unnatural and repressive have kept us from seeing or knowing our truer selves.  It isn't that we are some kind of strange androgynous beings, no.  But even so, WHO says being androgynous is weird?  Weird to who? Snails are able to fertilize themselves.  Nature certainly makes a case for this way of being, so how is it weird.  Maybe its just outside of people's experience.

So here is the thing.....Jesus spoke about how he was one with the father and mother.  This is in both king James and in lesser known gnostic texts, so we know its not some glitch.  Mother was changed or used interchangeably with Holy Ghost. Most forgot conveniently what the Ghost part was all about.  But regardless, her was Jesus with the father and mother IN him.  He was ONE with them.  He was as much in the father AS the mother. And he was a dude, okay?  Buddha himself experienced kundalini, and here the masculine AND feminine were crawling all through him.  Yup.  The DUDE was experiencing the bliss of the WOMAN coming into (gasp!) union with her male counterpart.  Her is where I light my hair on fire and pretend to run around the room in mock terror. So her is the thing; I can FEEL what it feels for the feminine.  Being unchained through kundalini I KNOW what its like. Being connected through soul energy and soul connection, I KNOW how it feels. Its part of a deeper energetic merging that happens when two consciousnesses come together in this way.  If you go deep enough you can feel a sense of being in two bodies at once.  THIS is what consciousness does. It is not limited.  When I had a a past life experience of a native American vision, I was in multiple places ALL at the SAME time. None of this felt strange or even confusing.  If felt natural.  Only to our limited individual awareness do we dream such limited dreams that tell us we only experience life through one perspective.  Hog wash!  Energy flows. Consciousness flows.  Tantra, one of the highest forms of worship involves this very form of energetic communion between two people.  There is a sense of two becoming one less in body as in soul. How is this possible?  Divisions are dissolved enough to allow it to happen.  You are no longer weird about what it might feel like to feel another person feeling you feeling them. Feeling you. And them.  And back again. And this DOES happen.  Its not some weird glitch of the universe or the product of some depraved mind. When you get there, though, all of your old junk just drops as you see in a larger totality how the creation is perfect.  And in an awakening, you have BOTH of these polarities in you.  BOTH.

We have both in us.  We were said to be born from their union.  So if souls are made in this way, we are each a part of one and the other along with a choice for a given polarity so that we wind up one orientation or another. Curious, I think, because I sense that the amount or reliance on one end of the polarity depends also on how many lifetimes you have lived as male and female.  I do not buy that we are exclusively one or the other.  Nope. I can se and read in all people a blend of traits.  Some women who are very feminine also have some pretty overt masculine traits, and what is most interesting is how they themselves choose not to see them.  Something about the polarity of being convinced of just how feminine they are seems to breed this.  Women, though who are more of a blend where they do not define themselves so strongly along gender lines also have less of a problem with being one or the other. There are also all sorts of variations in between. And the same goes for men.  Some men are amazingly weird about any suggestion that they might have feminine traits. These men, are extremely polarized while also having a kind of repressed femininity.  Some men are very comfortable in being sensitive and nurturing. See, thing is, our worth is not tied to one gender or another.  We can be whatever we want. Quite naturally we have some people who will scream from the sidelines that we ought to be burned at the stake, but really, who is paying any attention to those folks anymore?  Do we? So the point here is we may have a polarity within our sexual orientation, but we will also have a blend.  We have both.  And I suspect that we need both because life force IS both. You just can't get around it. This I very much suspect is the case.  If you tease the masculine out from the feminine embrace in the universe, things would devolve into madness quickly.  If you do the same in the opposite fashion, the universe would go crazy in the opposite direction, but mad nonetheless.

So we feel all of this in separation.  Our bodies are separate, our awareness is too, or so we experience until awakening hits.  Gradually, we learn things aren't QUITE the way we had thought they were. And why?  Karma. As we dissolve karma, we bring those poles closer and closer.  Do we lose our sexual identities?  Well let me ask you, do you think individuality can ever be destroyed?  I don't think so, no.  I think that any imprint made will remain even if for some reason someone WERE to manage to slink back into absolute oneness.  Others would naturally follow, so its not a genie you can keep in the bottle I don't think.  I think the further we get from concretions of thought, the more flexible we are to see the universe in all its vastness.  Do I think that means you HAVE to be sexually flexible?  No. I still think we have the capacity within to still grasp it.  Now as to whether we embody it, that might be a different story.  But ultimately, the walls do come down at one point or another, and its at that point where there is no fear over what those walls even mean because they are now no longer useful in serving karma. But still we have choice because we have free will and because of these things, we do this out of individuality.  Some say its an illusion, but I say its a CREATION.  and THAT dear reader is a BIG difference!

So honor the masculine and feminine within.  They bring you bliss.  Its okay, the universe is making love inside you, big deal.....your parents obviously made love in order to make you, so surely some good must come from this love thing.  And a curious thing happens when you can ride the wave of this bliss, all those karmic issues that seemed so pressing aren't so pressing anymore....yet another interesting inverse correlation with karma and kundalini.  Kundalini: The Karma Killer!!!! (now THAT would be a GREAT Baliwood movie...a kind of double headed cobra meets dark mysterious overlord in Godzilla-esque scales as they fight it out over Tokyo or Varanasi).
Of course, anyone who DARES speak of things in such light ways certainly CANT be enlightened, so why listen to me?

Indeed.  Why.

IN the end, through all this, no matter where this all goes, it all ends in love. Its a trip you take that always leads to the same place.  I am sorry.  You are in the city of love.  You wake up, make the journey a different way and there you are; the city of love.  There is no escaping it. City of Love.  And while I am at it, that too would be a great movie title, but without the scale miniatures of city buildings.  This one would be the greatest of romances.

So flip or not flip.  We are all one.  But you do have both inside you.  Remember that.  You can't spell love without BOTH. Well, actually you don't spell love B-O-T-H but I bet in some world you do.... 

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