Saturday, February 9, 2013

Conflicted Delusion

The hardest thing for some is to remain true to who they are and what they are inside.  I spent years with a lingering sense of doubt about myself, and in this lingering, there was a reflection that attracted a perfect foil for this.  It served as a perfect teacher, an entirely unbending one, but one nonetheless. The difficult part is in seeing how the universe is helping us to grow in the midst of what seems attacks against our very essence by those unable to see or know our inner divine.  The attacks are themselves self created and part of the drama of our delusion. 

The hardest thing perhaps is remaining true to this because we want to keep people calm, happy, or not to step on feelings.  So often we put ourselves last when we should be first.  That may seem like a selfish thing to do, but in putting ourselves last, we have also said to the universe that we do not matter, and in so doing, foils have been sent our way that will reflect this perfectly.  We will have invited others to show us their most broken or hurt part of themselves, and it is known that these parts almost always seek to project their fear or hurt forward in such a way that whatever the frailty is that causes the pain, they wind up believing the fault is in others instead of themselves. 

Until and unless we can abide by our own compass point, sharing the compass with another wont work.  There will be something out of alignment for both them and us.  It will be something that cannot stand, that will result in imbalances no matter what.  A house divided against itself.  So with the best of intentions, there can be the worst of problems.  Until you can decide that the divine within is the single most important part to follow, not just the belief of another who is actively engaged in their own process of cleaning up their own insides, there will be hitches projected outward which we will point to others as the culprit.  We are the culprit.  The great coil of karma is unwinding and this will be turned on its head.  How long will it take to undo the march of thousands of years?  There is no them.  There is only us.

Men must suck it up, be the strong ones, and women the core of compassion and tenderness.  In creating a world like this for ourselves, we have divided out those aspects that reside within all.  Women rob themselves of the natural aggresiveness that was always theirs while men are robbed of their courage to feel and to be sensitive.  It is a house divided against itself.  When we allow the archetypes that once served to heal to rule, they can also serve to divide us simply becuase they were simply a tool.  When there is man and woman instead of human beings, we have a problem.  When we step into the collective consciousness of humankind, there is not a man and a woman but a rich voice made up of all voices. No archetypes present in any significant way save for what we seek in dreaming, waking or asleep.  We are as one voice with many currents and tones.  When we seek to divide, we divide ourselves.  We are here, I believe, to heal the division.  Even Jesus was said to have come to heal the division that had happened in the Garden of Eden.  This saying, spoken by Philip in his gospel, speaks to the reality that Eve and Adam are One and that all attempts at making them one or the other or above another or different from another is the very spark of division.  Within each of us is the first woman and first man.  We are this.  Only this.  Anything else is Maya, illusion, and conflicted delusion.  When one is one aspect and the other another aspect, we have lost it.  We have just sought to grasp the wind.  Silly human!  Be still, and you will know the wind as it was meant to be "grasped."

When kundalini rose, it did not rise with the masculine and feminine dancing around each other.  Its message to me was that their very force was interdependent and when in union, were not two but one.  Whatever existed as a desire to see one and then the other was itself the very force of division, which is situated, structurally at least, in the left hemisphere in our great ability to see differences, parts, pieces.  This is an approach that is great for identifying where a health problem may be emerging, or in knowing how to fix a car or to pick up a leaf, but it is not a way to know how to BE the merged cosmos.  This kundalini, which is not a force or a spirit, is what we are.  For me, I know it is the future self looping back into me in the same way that I have looped back in dream to other times in my life which now seem encased by the past in order to effect ripples of change that have moved through my life.  the future is changed by moving into our past, and this intelligence, this force which entered my awareness was itself an advanced form of what I shall become.  And yet, as I was seeking to explain to my daughter today as we sat talking about how he day went, timelines are very complex things.  The moment a future version of me loops back here to effect change, the future self I will become when it reaches the same approximate point where that future self cam here will be different.  An infinity of lines will have been created just as limtless probable presents, pasts, and futures are being created by every act and decision made.  It is duzzying in its complexity and implications.  This should help you to realize how amazing creative energy is, how boundless and vibrant that it can be.  It is.  But this energetic presence, I know for myself, at least since its emergence, has always been the very essence of union.  to consider that one falls away from the other is not even a consideration since the reality is that life tiself does not know anything BUT the union.  Life force, all life, IS the result of their union.  to go into one being separate from the other is like the mind seeking to play a theoretical game with itself pretending as though it CAN divide them out and pretend to know what the result would be.  I wont even play that game because it is like trying to say that there is a day and night.  Sure, there is a time when the sky darkens and when it lightens, but there is not a point where the two are entirely separate.  they are always joined by infinite gradations of dusk.  they belong to one enother the way a carpet is woven into itself, how silly it is to say "this is where the rug is the masculine strands and this is where there are feminine strands."  they are of a piece and the function of the rug or day and night are because they are of that piece. 

The world may not understand you, may not know what you are or who you are, may even pretend to not know and seek to paint your world one way or another, but in this quiet and calm place of your own wisdom, you reflect into yourself gently and knowingly.  Your power does not exist in others, but in yourself.  Validation by another is itself a form of slavery, a gentle velvet slavery which will, in the right moment, reveal all of the frailties that encompass its making and own karma. Many are made blind by it and will seek their own truth, and they must be free to do so. Even those who seek to make of others what is actually all their own. 

What we say matters.  How we say it matters.  Turning a blind eye to our own words and deeds is itself a blindness that we have played at for eons.  Even as we wind upwards into awakening, this delusion persists.   Even telling ourselves that we are awake and thus different is itself a form of delusional thinking.  We all do it.  To reach that place where such delusions cease is perhaps what we sense is enlightenment.  Getting there is less a destination as it is a continual process of becoming. Like night and day, each moves slowly and gradually into one another.  Evening takes hours to fall, and it takes hours for the dawn to come.  When all of life is a circle, it is silly to say that there is any one point where something becomes another.  They never were not part of one another.  the world hoop is itself always whole, and this was what eluded Black Elk.  He thought he had to heal the world hoop, to heal his People, their hearts and the world.  What he did not realize was that the hoop is only a hoop.  To heal means we must move around this hoop, it means that we must shift our perceptions, our perspective on the wheel.  As we do this, we life from all sides.  We ourselves become more whole in this process, and this image does a very good job of defining just how we are in life. All of life is this circle, and it really is silly to try and make it into a straight line process because it isn't.  Your left brain will allow you to see that you ARE making a line as you walk through your life, but to make it a point A and B thing is folly because we know this is not so.  It is a becoming.  Always.  We make the path as we go, but that path winds upwards. 

When you are clear in all of this, when you ask that the earth show you the truth, just by placing your hand upon it, it will shake.  This is just how powerful our own inner truth is. 

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