Conflicted Delusion

The hardest thing for some is to remain true to who they are and what they are inside.  I spent years with a lingering sense of doubt about myself, and in this lingering, there was a reflection that attracted a perfect foil for this.  It served as a perfect teacher, an entirely unbending one, but one nonetheless. The difficult part is in seeing how the universe is helping us to grow in the midst of what seems attacks against our very essence by those unable to see or know our inner divine.  The attacks are themselves self created and part of the drama of our delusion. 

The hardest thing perhaps is remaining true to this because we want to keep people calm, happy, or not to step on feelings.  So often we put ourselves last when we should be first.  That may seem like a selfish thing to do, but in putting ourselves last, we have also said to the universe that we do not matter, and in so doing, foils have been sent our way that will reflect this perfectly.  We will have invited others to show us their most broken or hurt part of themselves, and it is known that these parts almost always seek to project their fear or hurt forward in such a way that whatever the frailty is that causes the pain, they wind up believing the fault is in others instead of themselves. 

Until and unless we can abide by our own compass point, sharing the compass with another wont work.  There will be something out of alignment for both them and us.  It will be something that cannot stand, that will result in imbalances no matter what.  A house divided against itself.  So with the best of intentions, there can be the worst of problems.  Until you can decide that the divine within is the single most important part to follow, not just the belief of another who is actively engaged in their own process of cleaning up their own insides, there will be hitches projected outward which we will point to others as the culprit.  We are the culprit.  The great coil of karma is unwinding and this will be turned on its head.  How long will it take to undo the march of thousands of years?  There is no them.  There is only us.

Men must suck it up, be the strong ones, and women the core of compassion and tenderness.  In creating a world like this for ourselves, we have divided out those aspects that reside within all.  Women rob themselves of the natural aggresiveness that was always theirs while men are robbed of their courage to feel and to be sensitive.  It is a house divided against itself.  When we allow the archetypes that once served to heal to rule, they can also serve to divide us simply becuase they were simply a tool.  When there is man and woman instead of human beings, we have a problem.  When we step into the collective consciousness of humankind, there is not a man and a woman but a rich voice made up of all voices. No archetypes present in any significant way save for what we seek in dreaming, waking or asleep.  We are as one voice with many currents and tones.  When we seek to divide, we divide ourselves.  We are here, I believe, to heal the division.  Even Jesus was said to have come to heal the division that had happened in the Garden of Eden.  This saying, spoken by Philip in his gospel, speaks to the reality that Eve and Adam are One and that all attempts at making them one or the other or above another or different from another is the very spark of division.  Within each of us is the first woman and first man.  We are this.  Only this.  Anything else is Maya, illusion, and conflicted delusion.  When one is one aspect and the other another aspect, we have lost it.  We have just sought to grasp the wind.  Silly human!  Be still, and you will know the wind as it was meant to be "grasped."

When kundalini rose, it did not rise with the masculine and feminine dancing around each other.  Its message to me was that their very force was interdependent and when in union, were not two but one.  Whatever existed as a desire to see one and then the other was itself the very force of division, which is situated, structurally at least, in the left hemisphere in our great ability to see differences, parts, pieces.  This is an approach that is great for identifying where a health problem may be emerging, or in knowing how to fix a car or to pick up a leaf, but it is not a way to know how to BE the merged cosmos.  This kundalini, which is not a force or a spirit, is what we are.  For me, I know it is the future self looping back into me in the same way that I have looped back in dream to other times in my life which now seem encased by the past in order to effect ripples of change that have moved through my life.  the future is changed by moving into our past, and this intelligence, this force which entered my awareness was itself an advanced form of what I shall become.  And yet, as I was seeking to explain to my daughter today as we sat talking about how he day went, timelines are very complex things.  The moment a future version of me loops back here to effect change, the future self I will become when it reaches the same approximate point where that future self cam here will be different.  An infinity of lines will have been created just as limtless probable presents, pasts, and futures are being created by every act and decision made.  It is duzzying in its complexity and implications.  This should help you to realize how amazing creative energy is, how boundless and vibrant that it can be.  It is.  But this energetic presence, I know for myself, at least since its emergence, has always been the very essence of union.  to consider that one falls away from the other is not even a consideration since the reality is that life tiself does not know anything BUT the union.  Life force, all life, IS the result of their union.  to go into one being separate from the other is like the mind seeking to play a theoretical game with itself pretending as though it CAN divide them out and pretend to know what the result would be.  I wont even play that game because it is like trying to say that there is a day and night.  Sure, there is a time when the sky darkens and when it lightens, but there is not a point where the two are entirely separate.  they are always joined by infinite gradations of dusk.  they belong to one enother the way a carpet is woven into itself, how silly it is to say "this is where the rug is the masculine strands and this is where there are feminine strands."  they are of a piece and the function of the rug or day and night are because they are of that piece. 

The world may not understand you, may not know what you are or who you are, may even pretend to not know and seek to paint your world one way or another, but in this quiet and calm place of your own wisdom, you reflect into yourself gently and knowingly.  Your power does not exist in others, but in yourself.  Validation by another is itself a form of slavery, a gentle velvet slavery which will, in the right moment, reveal all of the frailties that encompass its making and own karma. Many are made blind by it and will seek their own truth, and they must be free to do so. Even those who seek to make of others what is actually all their own. 


What we say matters.  How we say it matters.  Turning a blind eye to our own words and deeds is itself a blindness that we have played at for eons.  Even as we wind upwards into awakening, this delusion persists.   Even telling ourselves that we are awake and thus different is itself a form of delusional thinking.  We all do it.  To reach that place where such delusions cease is perhaps what we sense is enlightenment.  Getting there is less a destination as it is a continual process of becoming. Like night and day, each moves slowly and gradually into one another.  Evening takes hours to fall, and it takes hours for the dawn to come.  When all of life is a circle, it is silly to say that there is any one point where something becomes another.  They never were not part of one another.  the world hoop is itself always whole, and this was what eluded Black Elk.  He thought he had to heal the world hoop, to heal his People, their hearts and the world.  What he did not realize was that the hoop is only a hoop.  To heal means we must move around this hoop, it means that we must shift our perceptions, our perspective on the wheel.  As we do this, we life from all sides.  We ourselves become more whole in this process, and this image does a very good job of defining just how we are in life. All of life is this circle, and it really is silly to try and make it into a straight line process because it isn't.  Your left brain will allow you to see that you ARE making a line as you walk through your life, but to make it a point A and B thing is folly because we know this is not so.  It is a becoming.  Always.  We make the path as we go, but that path winds upwards. 

When you are clear in all of this, when you ask that the earth show you the truth, just by placing your hand upon it, it will shake.  This is just how powerful our own inner truth is. 

The New Wayshower

Built within the very heart of the All she resides in harmony with her consort, never another but who she is, no separation but an integrated part of her.  In the great body of this All, though, parts of the body do not realize what they are in relation to this great Mother, the divine feminine.  For reasons that are their own, they have been under the gaze of the masculine side of Her.  His feminine has receded just as she has been denied the awareness that is hers. 

We all know how this has played out here.  It has been a very hard time for the feminine.  We have been caught in a wild torrent of denial in coming to our own collective self realization.  It has been difficult to day the least for how the feminine has been treated in this world.  Property.  Powerless.  Denied.  This has been hard.  Very hard.  And certainly there have been billions who have suffered over a long time.  But the tide is changing, and we can know something different if we can just be ready to simply set aside what has been and let the past be the past. 

For the last hundred years, She has been asserting her power, her right to parity in the world. As soon as she began doing this, the days of paternalistic control were numbered.  Slowly, the pieces have been coming together.  Brave women who asked "Yes, but why is it that way?  It can be different!" have been the ones who have helped to bring change to the world.  In the United States, for all our talk of freedom and liberty, we have been marvelously one-sided.  Until we got called on it, and we had to begin examining our talk to match our walk.  Women stepped out from the shadows and into the bright light of awareness.  Her walk was her own.  She won the right to vote, the right to work, the right to question consensus reality.  the right was always hers.  She had to assert it in order for that to happen. And she did it. More voices joined in the chorus and over time, conventions have changed. 

It has pressed for understanding who She is in this new context.  Was the Women's Liberation Movement somehow robbing women of their femininity?  Were men somehow less manly when they chose to stay and care for the children at home instead of going out there and bring home the bacon?  All kinds of questions have been raised in our collective examination of what this new landscape represents to us.  We have been trying to figure it out.  It has been a bit like a set of clothes that was new and fit differently than what we were used to.  Did it look right?  Does it feel right to us where we are headed?  Some of the questions sought to take us back to the safety of convention while others sought, perhaps blindly into some new world.  And yet, even in the seeming dark, we have been feeling for an as-yet unknown that we know.  Deeper down, we know what it is we are looking for.  We are being guided along.  Carefully, gently, certainly.  Powerfully.  Irretrievably. 

What has been a movement of women will be a movement of humans.  In an interesting twist, what women are asking for will deliver to men the very thing they will need as much as the women.  As women have asserted themselves in what may have felt like a more masculine character, so too will men begin, are beginning, to feel their more sensitive natures.  It is okay for women to be more balanced in themselves.  It is okay to carry masculine traits in helping them to manifest their greatest dreams.  And men, too, are now more free to discover parts of themselves that society seemed to suggest was not desirable.   The walls are beginning to soften.  And just now, as I look at the kids I see coming up in college, I see such a mix.  I see men who are not afraid to be gentle, soft, kind and nurturing.  Women are more assertive and they are not considered less womanly.  The men are as masculine as ever.  More balanced.  Less polarized. 

This new movement will continue as our society will continue to change and even build steam.  the result? I think some of it will be hard to predict completely, but its results will be our new experiment in becoming collectively. 

Awakening offers a unique perspective in all of this.  Loosened upon the world, our perceptions become more keen and go beyond mere appearances.  We can see people as they are in their soul-selves.  The soul self is beyond time while also dipping into it.  It is multidimensional.  It is more than just what we are here.  As a result, how we appear here is only one part of a larger story than what the awakened sense or perceive.  It is true that when we pass from this life into the next phase, we tend to appear to others as we were in the prime of our powers in this life.  We associate with the very best of what we were or are in this life.  And in the same way, the soul in this life can appear differently than just what we see on the surface physically.  Someone who is of advanced age may still feel quite young and thus, that will be how they appear to others across vast distances and without benefit of the physical senses.  Or they could appear older.  Or just completely different.  Maybe someone with light hair appears in their soul self as having dark hair.  Short people are tall.  Tall people might be short and stocky.  Dealing with this difference is part of the next step in our sensory experience. It is now a norm rather than an oddity to me since all people are to some extent like this.  We are more than we appear. 

You also will find that what you think you know about what you are is limited by what your own senses provide you and what your own patterning in this life has been.  The feminine is dealing with a kind of identity challenge.  With centuries of masculine dominance the identities of women have been effects by this tide.  However, there is a pure current of the feminine that can be tapped by all of us, and this comes to us from still larger sources. You need only tune it in. You do this by looking within.  This is where women can learn about their deeper feminine identities beyond the effects of the last hundred centuries.  Digging deep through the quantum field, you can discover this part of you.  This goes for men as well as women.  But for women, I think the effect will be particularly healing.  When you become aware of this part of you, you might discover a similar disparity as I described earlier with physical versus soul identity.  I have seen this over and over; what we are on the outside and what we take for IT is often different from what is buried still deeper.  With those with the eyes to see in total innocence and soulfulness, the deeper self can be known, felt, touched upon.  It is a curious thing that another person seeing who you are helps to stir the awareness in yourself.  What this represents is a return to a zero-point, a kind of seeming "pure" state, even though I hate that word because it can be misleading.  This pure state is just your soul.  And your soul is just what it is. And every soul is beautiful.  Sometimes it is different from what you might expect.  My own soul-self was so different in some ways that it was a real challenge to relate.  And yet, I saw aspects of Him in me all along.  He had been popping up throughout my life and other lives, too.  the ego-oriented self had its own say in what it thought he should be based on convention and comparisons and lack of courage. 

I think that's just it.  We have drifted from these soul selves due to a lack of courage.  We fear what others might say if we were just who we are deep down. Maybe we might go into art instead of accounting or law.  Law pays the bills, but leads to a miserable life for a person with such dreams as that.  yet, we tell ourselves, we have to make those compromises.  We make the compromises because we do not yet fully understand that we are actually in charge of what it is we are creating.  Perhaps this is why, over their 20 year writing career, that Jane Roberts and her Husband Robert Butts helped to bring forth the words of Seth which was Jane's channeled or trance self who said over and over "You create your own reality."  It was kind of the source of every book in one way or another.  Perhaps this is because we so needed to hear it over and over until it got locked into the mass self and we began to examine what the ramifications for this might be.  So as we begin to look at this, we might realize that if things are not going so well for us, we can change it by changing our beliefs and feelings about ourselves.  the change that this leads to in how we feel also leads to change to the very events that manifest in our lives.  What was once impossible is suddenly now possible.  As more and more practice this as a kind of magic that would have been persecuted as witch craft in the past hardly leads to a raised eyebrow.  This is a very good development.  When we can be brave to pursue our dreams, we have a better chance in this type of environment or world to see things actually manifest in ways that bring us fulfillment.  We no longer need to huddle in fear within the little cave of our hidden selves. 

So as I step out into what I am, I ask that you be inspired to do the same. I cannot say what it will be like for you or how it will manifest itself.  that, really, is up to you.  It is up to what you believe is possible.  You see, there is a genie inside of you.  And no longer do you need to use this genie to strike back at the injustices done to you. As long as you wield the sword, you will also tend to die by it as well.  But if you hold the sword as a beacon of truth, then the truth will be your guide.  It is, you see, just a slight turn away from how you have been feeling and responding to it.  When you change the rules of engagement, you will change your world.  And this is the message I am bearing to you as I do the very same.  Brave.  Not fearful.  Brave to just be YOU.  that will be enough for you and the rest of the world because who you are inside is needed.  Every woman upon the earth has something so remarkable within that it NEEDS to be brought forward.  Just bring it forward.  Let others gaze into you to tell you what they see.  Let yourself get to know Her.  The same goes for men.  For them, knowing the native current of their compliment will aid in all sorts of realizations.  It will also serve to anchor a reverence for the feminine in the world that may not have been touched in quite the same way before.  And I may not have to tell you that it is time.  It is a marvelously creative time at least potentially. 

And it is in action that all potential is realized.  It is up to you.  In your own way. 

The new Wayshower is the feminine.  She is telling us, informing us, opening us in ways we have not been opened before.  Collectively.  Individually. It is She which will make a big difference in our world.  This will help balance the world, individuals, and pehraps bring about a more sane approach and attitude in the heart of all humankind.  

Bows deep....

The Trap Of Ego

I talk about this subject a good bit....and I do this, I realize, on this morning, because I have not always spelled out just what it is that I feel is important to consider when it comes to ego. Some new thing will rise in my awareness as a result of some real life experience that will bear new awareness to me that I realize I know but have not mentioned.  I often tend to assume people know this....I KNOW people know this deep down, but we don't always know we know.  This is what awakening is, the very core of it, which is moving into knowing, something the Greeks called Gnosis and is the root for the early Christian movement called the Gnostics.  Agnostic means you do not know.  But knowing you do not know is far better a thing then thinking you know when in truth you are substituting a piece of a puzzle where the part seems to fit but does not.  And this is really the challenge in all of this. We seem to have pieces that fit, but have never really fit.  You either take it into yourself and know how it fits inside of you or you don't.  What I say can only matter if it works for you.  If it works for you, great.  If not, then either I am completely off the mark, or you just haven't felt how the thing that it replaces has a shape that you now realize was not just right.  And when it is right, it will flow and fit perfectly as your Essential Self flows into the moment and you just know. 

I know that so much of this can seem like pontificating, and we as a species have had plenty of that.  I am not here to prove anything except to offer at my door a plate full of flowers and bits of nourishment that I have found to work for me.  No one is telling you to take the plate and run with it.  No one is telling you that you will burn if you don't.  I would RATHER you deny the truth vociferously and bear the badge of your own RIGHT to do so as a sovereign being and be a little off on the details than to follow mindlessly the rantings of a wild man.  At least you are exercising discernment which does not happen when someone says you are going to burn or that you simply do not know or can't know because you are fallen, or missing that ingredient that makes it possible for you to glimpse the truth of the kingdom, or cosmic consciousness, of divine awareness.  All of this is IN you.  As the Oracle of Delphi said, the only way we know the gods is by knowing ourselves. 

The problem with ego is that you will never get rid of it.  You wont get rid of it because of the important purpose that it serves.  I say important because it is.  But that importance is itself limited in a certain sense.  Ego plays a role in divine awareness.  It always will.  Without this awareness, you will not be able to experience anything as being individual within you. Ego itself is, I suspect, a natural outgrowth of our gift given to us from the Prime Creator.  If you want to give that gift back, then I suppose you might find the path back to a primordial state, but I rather think that this is like a bell having rung.  I don't think, in knowing individuality, that you can ever really go back to a place where there is no observer, no part of you that looks out and knows itself as you.

There is a problem with some eastern practices or perspectives that involve ego death.  This feels to me to be more a kind of self loathing than anything doing directly with something practical.  For if it were, the path to being ego-less would be a straight line that would lead us all perfectly to a place where we could dispense with ego and know the supreme state of cosmic consciousness.  Most things in life tend to be very simple once you get down to them.  We only want to make things complicated when we ourselves do not wish to glimpse their truth. When we are ready, my experience has been each and EVERY time that it all gets incredibly simple.  Simple like how things are simple in childhood.  By this I do not mean diminished capacity or lack of knowing, for children know things that adults have forgotten.  Childhood is remarkably nuanced, unencumbered by the false biases that have grown up by our mountains of hurt or wrongs done to us or some perceived slight.  In childhood, we are more clear without needing to call something a given thing.  We experience it AS IT IS without judging it or running it through all of our filters of mind and belief, which may or may not conform or align to the divine within us.  I am not suggesting that the eastern practices are somehow tainted and not worth learning from.  Learn, certainly, but first use your discernment, see if that piece fits.  It is up to you.  What fits today may not fit tomorrow as your insides slowly shift and conform to that part of you. 

The one inconvenient reality of ego is that your higher self has an ego.  Some call it the super ego.  It is an extension of the earthbound ego. The importance of the higher self in my own practice is that it serves as a template for me to become.  I don't need anyone else's say-so on how to be as long as I am doing my best to follow my inner higher self.  Here, I am doing what the Oracle of Delphi admonished people to do; to know themselves and in so doing, they would know the God and Goddesses within them.  if you have a superego, then doesn't it make sense that all this talk of eradicating the ego is simply a huge waste of time?  Okay, look, I can feel your resistance to this, and I am saying all of this in the way I am saying for a reason, to get you to identify your reactions and to then look at the matter at hand perhaps in a different way. 

It's not a waste of time to work on ego.  Certainly ego has been given this inner throne inside of us so that it keeps the core or Essential Self from taking its rightful place in our awareness.  But in so doing, ego is not sent to the gallows.  In moving it out of its central position, we allow for a more productive arrangement within us to happen.  Imagine having a garden full of beautiful flowers.  You want to provide protection and privacy for that garden by putting in a stone wall.  It serves to keep out the animals that would feed upon it and it gives you quiet and solitude, all of which you like when it comes to this beautiful garden.  And yet, it is as though we have not placed our rock walls around the periphery, but straight through the middle of our gardens.  Instead of helping to unify the self, it in fact divides it.  This does not make much sense since you have to stumble over this rather rigid wall just to get to see the poppies or the lilies. It makes sense to have the wall encircle your garden, don't you think?  And while a wall will always serve as a division, if you are going to have such divisions, then make them in such a way that they make some sense.  Perhaps, in the end, the wall does come down or you have many entries into the garden.  The self knows that the divisions can sometimes be arbitrary and as a result, no wall every keeps out what must enter in in order for you to know fulfillment and inner knowing.  The wall is more the result of intention.  If you intend to keep ego centrally located, it will quite naturally serve to blot out a central awareness of the soul as infinite and eternal and wedded to a much broader form of consciousness that leads you to the gods and goddesses within that the Oracle of Delphi was hinting at.  Like the God and Goddess within you. 

It is true that in order for this type of awareness to flood into your being, you have to set ego aside.  When I say ego, I am talking about the part of you that is more earthbound in nature.  You have a higher expression of that same ego that exists outside of time and duality and it is a more advanced form or version of your own earthly ego. the only challenge with the earthly ego is that it serves to filter and blind you to the broader awareness that you need in order to make more considered decisions about what you are and what the world itself is.  The ego in its earthly role has a tendency to blind you and in so doing keeps you thinking that you are more limited than you are, and also limits your awareness and experience of vast amounts of energy that is your birthright.  It is in knowing and feeling this energy directly that you will be able to know the bliss that exists as a natural state of being within the current of energy that is the universe.  With ego in the way, this awareness can sometimes be blotted out entirely. 

The best thing is to cherish who you are in entirety, forgive your shortcomings and move forward. Move forward by giving ego the assurance that you value its contribution, but that it wont sit on the throne of your awareness.  If you allow this to happen, ego will feed off the energy flowing in at that spot and it will grow slowly but surely into the monster it has been for most people and become a huge stumbling block.  Just let it be like your trusted advisor who goes back to its quarters without trying to run the show.  Let it come and go.  That is the role of ego for now. 

Your higher self form of ego is that part of you that touches the infinite.  Until you use it to do this, you may not believe me.  Your experience alone will tell you whether this is true or not.  If you know bliss from awakening, for example, your higher self has already been in the picture since the higher self is firmly rooted in the soil of the bliss field. The superego or higher expression of your own ego here in your earthly focus is an extension of your own troublesome ego here.  It isn't that one is an outgrowth of one or the other.  Super ego does not give birth to smaller earthly ego.  They exist, outside of time simultaneously.  So to say one causes the other to be is an irrelevant question to ask. If you do, you will go scurrying to find proofs that this is so in in the process, will cobble together some facts or appearances that seems  to fit the picture your own mind is seeking to create.  They are of a piece.  If you want a model to think of them, think of them as being like a cone, for this is how I have experienced it and it seems to work pretty good thus far.  One one end of the cone awareness is very focused, which is good in its own way.  You need this sharpness of focus, but it serves sometimes to be less aware of the broader picture that is available on the other end of the cone of consciousness which is what you call your higher self.  Consciousness expands outward and the part of you that you call ego is present in the higher self as a form of self awareness and identification of itself as individual.  In this state, though, the higher self knows that it can flow into the consciousness of the sun and flow out of it, merging directly into the consciousness that makes up the sun while never having its own identity blotted out or destroyed in any way whatsoever.  The difference between your higher self and your earthly selves' ego is that earthly ego does not have this assurance.  Ego, partnered with your present awareness tells or suspects that you are limited even though the genie in the bottle is but inches from your grasp. As you let go and surrender, consciousness naturally begins to flow out from the center point of this cone into the broader portion of the cone of your consciousness. There is no end to what your surrendering to your own natural self will do in bringing you higher and higher levels of awareness and experiencing of broader forms of energy.  There is not place where this cone ends.  It is infinite.  As you remove the hurdles to your awareness and allow the inner surface of this cone to be entirely free from bumps and points of resistance, your own consciousness will be free to move into ever broader realms of your being in and out of time.  You will reach places that there are simply no words for (and thank goodness for that).  But all along this path of expanding awareness is a sense of ego, and this ego does not strike you as being like the ego you have here on earth because the ego you have here has some work to do to reshape and mold and reform. 

Seeking to get rid of ego will only result in it popping up somewhere else inside of you.  Evidence for this is present in the psychological experiments that were done by both the Nazi's, Russia, the United States and Cananda in their now-infamous mind control experiments.  Central to the Nazi discovered mind control was a kind of crushing of the self by trauma.  It was discovered that if enough pressure was applied, the self would fracture into many smaller parts.  these parts were not random in any way.  Each portion that broke would have its own ego, its own core self, its own emotional self, mind, and all the rest.  Each portion would often serve to express different aspects of the personality but would have all the parts normally found in any fully created psyche.  the self fractured in holographic fashion, which makes perfect sense that it would do this.  It was the goal of the mind controllers to then manage these individual selves for their own ends.  Now the only reason why I am even mentioning this is that it points to the reality of what will happen if you seek to destroy ego.  You simply cannot do it.  Seek to kill it, and it will merely fracture off five of itself in order to survive such a hard blow to itself and in the process you will have a mush more difficult situation than you had before.  Try knitting all these pieces back together.  This can be done, certainly, but the effort to knit ego back together will be a greater challenge prior to the trauma induced. 

The challenge that  denial of ego produces is a rubber banding effect within the psyche most often.  What we repress will come back in a dysfunctional way.  Ego will become exaggerated, will explode, only to go silent again.  You will keep telling yourself that thank goodness it was just one small explosion and you have it under control the rest of the day, but there is still a problem and it will continue to be a problem until you align with the reality of how you are made. 

It is much more healthy to admit and understand you have go than seeking to banish it entirely.  Facing up to ego is much more productive because you learn how to deal with it on a day by day basis out in the open instead of seeking to pretend that it is dead and gone.  Don't do it---it will only lead to problems down the line and you will be chiding yourself for believing you got rid of ego when in fact you hadn't. Your mind will then go to another method or means for destroying ego, all with the same results as before.  So don't do it.  Ask yourself how you can arrange your awareness so that ego is present but not holding the reins in your life.  You can have a much more nuanced and peaceful sense of self if you will do this.  Notice I am not telling you HOW to do this.  There are no techniques.  You simply have to begin telling yourself that you will allow ego to step aside each and every moment.  Your own insides will then begin to take a different form and ego will be less of a problem in an incremental way.  Slow growth is better than seeking to have a lightening fast explosion of growth sometimes, even though these spurts do happen, they just happen more from the higher self than from your own earthbound intention.  You are still a pup learning the ways of cosmic consciousness.  You have a task before you and you are learning to undo centuries worth of thinking that goes beyond just this one life but the slow and gradual accretion of material that has served to create the edifice that is who you are.  Be easy on yourself, find the sense of devotion within that is married to love and compassion and apply that to yourself.  You have all the time in the world, and what you do not complete in this life will be continued in the next. Your spirit will see to it that it happens.

In truth, most people only come by this ego issue through what feels to them (and me) as a kind of collapse of the self, what some call "destruction" (Jesus used this term in describing it in a lesser known gospel) and while it may feel sudden and devastating, it is only in direct proportion to how centrally installed ego was in the first place.  But ego does not die.  Its just not as important as it was before.  A new feeling of importance comes about as a result of this that is not so narrow and monodimensional as before.  Suddenly, the self emerges as a this rich and wonderful thing that it is deeper down.  The ego simply can only deal with things in the way that it did when asked to be the gatekeeper for so much.  Here you can fall in love with yourself in a way that does not court narcissism but instead glories in the beauty of all life, which quite naturally includes yourself.  If nature is beautiful and wonderful, then being a part of nature, you yourself are naturally a part of this, but the difference is that you are less invested in the old positions of where you were when ego was so central.  With ego its all about me.  With ego to the side, it is all about we.  If you want to simplify it even more, think of ego as being the masculine current in you and your infinite self as the feminine.  Or the ego is the left brain and the infinite as the right brain.  They each do different things, and they do things much better when they are in union, when they are working cooperatively together.  And reflecting in this way, by being able to work cooperatively with those of the opposite sex will naturally reflect a willingness and ability to allow your own insides to work cooperatively also, for we each have this dual character inside of us.  We each have the yin and yang, the Shakti and Shiva within us.  It is the cosmic current, and we can put all kinds of labels and attach all kinds of images to them, but they each stand beyond all efforts to pigeon hole them.  All efforts to do so only point in their general direction.  The best way is to know them within yourself.  But once you allow the man to step back, the ego, he allows the woman within to do what she does so well, and she can only do this when the loud ego silences himself.  then her quieter and gentler nature that is her grace and softness to come forward.  Strength is not defined in how strident you are in your opinions, nor in how powerful your ego is. It is also in how compassionate you can be, how much you allow yourself to flow and be at peace.  It is only when we are at peace that the nurturing of the self begins in the same way that a woman can nourish new life in her in a physical way.  Only when we are in a stable and peaceful environment can new life, new ideas, new insight emerge.  Only then are we free to imagine, to go beyond ourselves, to go beyond what we thought (in ego) what we were capable of.  The feminine side I am talking about will always leave the ego side in the dust.  Every time.  And yet, the infinite self is so unbounded, that it is not capable of being able to fit all of this potential into a framework that has a chance of making its entry into physical reality....be it a child, an idea, a school of thought, a new product, or a way of bringing a method into your life for supporting this glorious flow that is the beauty of who you are. 

So don't fool yourself.  Be honest with yourself.  You are indeed stuck with ego, but ego need not be stuck in your very core awareness.  Utilize ego for what it is so good at, but do not make it your god.  If you do, then you will reinforce each other and then it will grow to ridiculous heights.  It just isn't that important in the final analysis.  You will be much more effective a person if you let the flow of the universe into your life.  Stop worrying over how it is all going to work out.  Let the flow more room.  If you do, things will begin to happen much more effortlessly.  You will have begun to anchor a much more effective cooperative mindset and soulset that will facilitate this great mystery that you may have thought was mumbo jumbo five minutes ago but are willing to bring back into your life.  This is the seeming magic that humans keep wanting to believe in.  It is the idea that incredible things can happen if we just let them happen.  And in being open to their happening, they will to the degree that you self realize and examine your competing beliefs that block their being able to happen. Some of the smartest people have the hardest time with this because this is so easy to do.  they think that nothing worthwhile comes easily, but here they are simply wrong.  there ARE things that will come with great ease, but their entry has been blocked just as surely as a gatekeeper within has denied them at the periphery of your being. 

So the garden wall itself begins to tumble down and my analogy is seen as a limited construct simply to get you to a certain place, after which you must abandon the wall and realize that the flowers that you think are yours are also others.  You will then see in the crumbling of that wall that your sense of identify never goes away, it merely refines itself into a much more grand and nuanced sense of self that has nothing to prove and that can move mountains if given half the chance.  I have this happen all the time now as a regular feature of my experience.  It happened yesterday as a matter of fact and it helped to clear the way for a project I am doing with a student whose work will be greatly facilitated through the connection that just showed up as I was displaying work in an out of the way location and entirely out of context with the work that this person does that I met.  The intention had been out there and it was only a matter of time.  It only took a few months, and in terms of the project, the timing could not have been better in all truth.  If you are locked into what the ego believes is possible, then you will always be limited.  Let ego step aside and allow the infinite self to show you the miraculous big and small things that can happen effortlessly.  You may even know people in your life who always seem able to get things done.  They seem just lucky, and you might find yourself feeling jealous or even angry at how easy it is for these people to do what they do.  You might even think you have very good reasons for knowing WHY they can get things done.  Maybe they are rich.  Maybe their wealth somehow puts them in touch with all the right people somehow.  But have you ever wondered how that person manifested their wealth to begin with?  Regardless of how they came into it, they attracted this in one way or another.  Once you tear down your bias towards these people whom you feel jealousy towards, the sooner you can begin to learn from them.  The secret is not some form of privilege, although certainly this may appear so on the outside.  Eventually if you follow the current back far enough, it goes to the headwaters of the soul.  All of it does.  No exception.  And if you can think in this way, you can remove the bias that keeps you stuck where you are thinking that the world is just unfair and some people have it and others do not because of something material in their lives that makes it so.  And yes, the appearance of something like material wealth might seem to be a cause, but it is only a symptom.  Letting your pride go for a minute will open more doors than standing beating your head against the wall. 

The trap of ego is the trap you set for yourself.  You can have too much of it and that is a problem, or you can have too little and believe that its gone and done for.  Either side of this equation there is too much imbalance.  The trick is in being honest about what IS.  This can be known in the moment, right here, and right now.  Keeping your intent in the right place will assist you greatly as this all unfolds in your life.  Whether you collapse ego suddenly or wear it away as it slips to the side, either way, you are setting up a new arrangement of self that is much more conducive to the universal flow that is your birthright. 

Manifest

When I first had my awakening experience, one of the things I was keenly aware of was this new energy moving through me.  It was conscious, I knew, yet I could not explain how I knew this for the fact that this was something that I sensed within.  We are notoriously distrustful of our insides, and if we are not busy feeling that way, we can also be uncertain about HOW we feel.  The truth, I think, is that most of us wind up being like a basket where we carry all sots of notions and feelings, good and bad.  Some serve us, some don't.  But sensing what you are is so very important for it leads to feeling more solid about who you are and what you are.  When you do that, I think that you reach a place of peace and in that peace you can feel things that might have escaped your notice previously. This was so for me in awakening.  It was as though some new channel opened up inside of me...like I had this great piece of stereo equipment but never touched this one dial.....and that dial seemed a big mystery.  One day, for whatever reason, that dial responds to touch and suddenly the volume moves up.  The sound is suddenly richer as this knob adds a whole new dimension to this marvelous piece of equipment.  The big a-ha has just happened.

I soon realized that the energy moving through me was a negative and positive energy.....one cooler or more receptive while the other was dynamic, directing and "warmer" in a way.  One moved into the other and both seemed to hold one another in an energetic embrace. This was the universe, this was cosmic consciousness. Using language to describe all of this or to relate to it can be tricky because this energy is without form even though it gives rise to form.  I have long believed that we have to be careful about the words we use because they create a nonspecific picture in people's minds that can be interpreted many different ways.  When I discuss art projects with my students in the sculpture class that I teach at a local university, I require them to provide a drawing.  I do this because my experience has shown just how poor words are at conveying information.  A picture is incredibly efficient, and it brings to mind the saying "a picture is worth a thousand words."   It was Philip in his newly discovered gospel in the desert of Egypt in the Nag Hammadi scrolls where he said the same thing, which is that we need to be careful about the words we use, for words create images and we then can become prisoners to these images.  So while it may sound terribly pedantic to you that I say all of this, it is important for reasons you may not even realize.  Words can govern how you think.  Words can free just as they can imprison.  I want you to consider that when I say masculine and feminine, I am being very specific but I am also being very broad.  I know that what we see here now in this place has ever higher expressions in other realities.  Our own awareness is capable of glimpsing these realities.  Thales, the Presocratic philosopher once said that "All things are full of gods" and I firmly feel that he was referring to what I glimpsed in the process of my awakening, which is that all of existence is multidimensional in nature and that what exists in us here exists in still "larger" scales of consciousness. Everything is connected, and it is this connection that allows for every part to communicate to all other parts.  It is what happens when you are able to manifest something in your life, too.  Imagine this quantum ripple that spreads out at light speed through all of matter, like some giant search engine of the soul to find the perfect thing to match your wish, to help you to manifest it.  I am jumping ahead of myself though because there is more to fill you in on first.

What I knew in the process of awakening was that the energy was a teacher living inside of me, showing me the one thing that as it would turn out, would be reflected in nearly every aspect, every nook, every cranny of existence.  It took a while to understand how this could be so.....and while the knowing came in a flash, it took some time to see how it applied itself throughout life. It showed me that it was like a two-stranded energy that wove itself through the center of all life, much like a necklace of beads is held by a cord.  It is this cord, you see, that is the essence of all life, is the soul of the cosmos, the bearer of life and light to everything that is.  And when I say "life" I am not speaking only of sentient life.  No. The universe is a living thing since its body is filled from top to bottom with this energy.  The difference is that most people simply are not aware of it.  The language of the cosmos is feeling, and this is one thing that you will come face to face with when you go through an awakening which is that you now have added sensing ability or awareness.  You don't just SEE the universe, you FEEL it.  This is what all the monks and sages and gurus have been talking about in relation to this seemingly elusive state that leads to samadhi.  When this energy filled me, it showed me how it was present in everything.  It was a yin and yang principle.  Just as in thermodynamic hot moves to cool, as positive moves to negative, so too does this energy in all things.  I very much feel that this principle can be seen reflected throughout the cosmos.

So take manifestation.  You wish for something, you let it go, and it eventually comes back to you as a fulfilled wish. Consider for a moment that as the universe is itself neutral, a kind of living canvas upon which you create your life, that the energy of manifestation is the result of two seeming opposites working together to help make your wishes happen......two energies that follow the content of your own energy to a "T."  This means that if part of you believes, for example, that you can manifest abundance, but that you may also have a competing belief that deep down you aren't worthy of it somehow, you send that out with each wish and you wind up with abundance  with strings or little glitches attached to it.  Maybe its a great money deal that winds up having some problem that emerges somewhere in the process.  Its that feeling like "I know I deserve good things, but it seems things always go to !*%# in the end!"  This is the result of some competing issue that is in the way that helps to form events, and the universe, being neutral, takes the energy as it comes and fashions you this event or opportunity in order to aid your fulfillment.  In dropping away the competing beliefs and resolving those things, suddenly your own being becomes a clearer transmitter of information to the universe.  The glitch is gone.  The "yeah but" is edited out of the situation.

But about this yin and yang, though.....

Consider that just as your own body has two currents of masculine and feminine that rise right up into the brain and crown, the hemispheres of your brain are themselves also formed and informed by this same energy.  The two energies cross in the head where the bliss of union is experienced by the awakened  yogi's and yogini's.  The left hemisphere is masculine, the right is feminine.  The masculine is linear, rational, and is most often good at language. It can pick out the tree in the forest, but his eyes glaze over when you look at the forest.  The feminine, which is the right brain, is holistic, intuitive, irrational, and sees the forest and can be bored looking at just one tree. Brought together, however, and there is a spark and a flame of inspiration kindled. Here great ideas are born. No, the right brain is not the artistic side because in order to make art you need a way to express it.  The right brain very much needs the left brain to help give it form.  The feminine turns to her consort and says "Oh I am feeling something so deep.....but its so deep that I just can't quite put it to word....." and the left brain is able to put it to word because that is what it does.  It is great at being able to hone in on one thing and identify it. Left alone, though, the left brain can chop and dice the universe until its so may little pieces....and it will only be able to see each piece, not how all the pieces go together.  I needs the right brain for this, the one who can magically conceive the implicate order in all things.  How she does this is not rational in the least.  Its almost like magic.  But together, they do a wonderful job of helping to create.  They are the very engine of creation. And when it comes to manifesting, I am seeing the same circular loop of the masculine and feminine energies working together.

When you wish for something, it most often comes about as a result of the left brain being able to give form and order to what it is that you want.  Here, there is a brilliant spark that is made, but this is all that it is for now.  This spark must be released entirely and allowed to go out into the "world" into the receptive realm of the feminine.  It is interesting because the Hindus often refer to the feminine as being the world.  Jesus, in the Gnostics texts speaks of the world as being the Great Mother. The native Americans call earth "Mother" also.  But what I am talking about is the energetic principle IN the world.....in all things......and as the spark of intention is released, it moves through the inner world and is nourished into existence, into full being by the body of the feminine force.  This can emerge as an object, event, or idea. The more that the spark can be utterly released, the better able it is to move freely through the universe to find its moment of conception in the feminine force.  Then, in perfect timing, the feminine brings forth this new thing that is the result of your wish, your hope, your intention. Because the feminine force is so broad, so infinite, she can give birth to anything in the same way that a woman will conceive and then give birth to a child.  This child might be short or tall, dark or light headed.  She might bring forth twins.  Part of what she will give birth to will be how the spark was sent, the content of that spark.  She is capable of bringing forth such a profusion of things, you see, and just as a woman can do this, so too does the mother of the world do this.  Her presence is in everything, and when you touch her with your intention, your intention winds up touching everything.  Instantly.  Holographically.  Events can take months to come to fruition and they can also happen in a flicker of an eye.  What makes the difference?  When you are able to release a block in you that is keeping something from taking place in the world around you, you may find just as I did that this is when the phone starts ringing with someone asking you if you would like to take part in an opportunity that you had been wishing you could be involved in for years.....and in that moment, the world didn't just align with you, but merely was able to receive the right message devoid of any competing material.  Maybe it was that you felt that you would love to try some new kind of work but that you might not be good enough at it......who knows really, for the reasons can be legion, and all I can do is pluck examples for why this might be so in order for you to begin to understand how this all works.  But when you remove the blocks, the energy flows.  And it flows from one pole to the other pole, from intention to manifestation, from masculine to feminine.  This, then, is the very engine of creation and manifestation.  When you can bring more energy through your system, this speeds up the process of manifestation as everyone who has had an awakening speaks of or experiences.  In fact, the lag time between through and manifestation can be measured in seconds or minutes, not days, months, or years.  If you can allow yourself to FEEL it as deeply as possible, as vividly as you can, you are literally magnetizing your own energy field so that the universe conforms to that image.  The more energy you move through you, the faster this happens for the simple fact that energy is magnetic.  Electricity creates magnetic fields, for example, and part of your own biological functioning does involve weak electrical fields. Your own iron rich blood helps to build and propagate an electromagnetic field around your body which we all refer to as the human aura.  For those who can see them, you can read all kinds of material present in thought, feeling, and even in the biological functioning of the body.  I know this because I began seeing auras when I was 18 and was a careful observer of all that I saw.

This is how your own brain works, two hemispheres in consort together to bring the light of inspiration. They are themselves manifestations of the yin and yang principle in your own body, in the giant filing cabinet and control center that helps organize information in your physical organism.  It is how you fall in love.  It is how new life is formed, and it is how the universe is threaded with these seeming opposites which in truth are aspects of one another.  In the particle/wave duality, we know that while these two states are different, they are one. I write about this in my book Waking The Infinite in terms of the particle/wave duality, and consciousness itself also exhibits traits that fit very well into the notion of the finite particle and the infinite wave.  We are both. When these two forces are in harmony manifestation can happen much quicker.  What happens when your brain works together?  Inspiration happens.  What happens when a man and woman are in harmony together?  Pure bliss.  When the two are in harmony within you, this union of yourself brings their union as energetic forces.  Quite naturally, this union creates ecstasy or bliss, and this is just what all the yogis seek and describe as the ultimate in self realization.  This bliss is orgasmic in nature, the very moment which is conception in the physical body, and which is inspiration in the energy body.  Normally, in the physical, this orgasmic energy is expressed or experienced as a release.  In the energy body, however, it is not limited and can build in potential in awareness so that it becomes a standing wave whose crest does not break.  As long as these two remain in your awareness in union, their energy remains as their very essence which is bliss. When this standing wave is present, all who awaken find that synchronicities and unusual events take place in rapid succession.  The world suddenly begins to be much more responsive in a moment by moment way.  Manifestation is now no longer just a spark, but is now an ongoing flow of events.  You are now living a life that is a discovery of what is possible in this new terrain. This is the engine of creation, and just as the creator's own continuous union within supports the universe, so too does your own continuous union within support creation at the level of your life.  It is true, then, that you are learning the basics of creation.  For creation to continue as a river flows without drying up it requires this same continuous attention.  The fulfillment is the result of your own creation. Again, Creation 101.

This same aspect can be seen as operating on so many levels.  Perhaps it may seem that all of this is just a convenient way to see things.  If you feel into it, perhaps you too can begin to experience this directly.  Everything resolves into the dance of the yin and yang.....all threaded through creation, all present at every level.  All is love, all is focused in this dance of gazing one into the other in the greatest secret that will ever be revealed to you.  It is, in truth, THE secret, for they are mother and father of them all.  if you know them at the smallest level, you know them at the largest.  Their presence as the mechanism for manifestation.  From the subatomic to the cosmic.  So when you are wondering why things happen as they do, consider the content of the masculine pulse and what it contains, which is the light of your intention.  It is both divine as well as karmic.  Upon its wave your awareness and intention rides.  Then, just as importantly, consider the content of the feminine within you.  The more free you
are from hitches and issues, the more at peace you are and the more peace will come to you.  As more peace comes to you, this becomes a naturally self reinforcing condition. Trust it, lean on it, devote yourself to it and always seek its grace, it unending capacity to forgive and allow you a path towards ascension, which is assured if you are willing to take it.

The energy is circular. It builds as long as the union remains  As awareness remains balanced on the quantum wave, you will see the presence of it in your life. This is the greatest love, the love that someone once told me "is you and the universe."  We are all connected by this. We are all this.

Nemasté

A Beautiful Way To See Energy

We can't seem to help but divide things out according to their ying and yang-ness. Its our nature to divide things up and sometimes even see them out of context with their larger environment....which of course tends to render the thing being observed as largely meaningless except in the most limited of ways.

But consider the act of bringing them together.

Male energy strikes me as being like a linear vector-based line.  It flows from one point to anther point.  It can be logical, simple, but very potent in that simple straight-line quality.  It also makes it naturally penetrating, vibrant, alive.  However, taken alone, its like a thread without continuity.  It is a light beam that has not reached any conclusion or remains just as it is like our beam of light travelling through space.  He seems to need something more.

Female energy is like a circle.  It folds in on itself.  It moves around to its end. It creates a perfect sphere.  It creates a world that is mysterious, hidden, even. It does not seek conclusion but resides perfectly well within mystery.  It is inclusive, focused on seeing and knowing wholes as  it continually nurtures and forms new things. But as such, it can reside within so much mystery that it has a hard time being able to discern just what mystery it is seeing.  This can lead to a feeling of inaction or uncertainty.  She seems to need something more.

When paired, the vector of the male merges with the sphere of the female and they change.  Their energy now is a spiral.  Each brings their own tendency into this unity and as the feminine seeks to turn back on herself, the male pushes her forward.  As the male seeks to move forward, he is drawn back in what is a perfect merging of the two energies or qualities.

This movement is a perfect model for consciousness, evolution, and all life.  It shows up, not surprisingly in all manner of life forms from seashells to galaxies.  The Greeks found that it is so pervasive a model that they were able to create something called the Golden Mean, which is a study on proportions.  The way your hand is proportioned has a relationship to the proportion found in spiral galaxies.  The distance from your nose to your eye is proportional to the rest of your body in a very specific sequence of numbers that are seen all through nature. The curve of a fern tip is reflected in the curl of a wave not just in similarity but in how the curve actually behaves.  Its more than just a similarity, it is a series of relationships that behave similarly through all of nature.  For me, this suggests a deeper relationship at work, a kind of masterwork, a design that is inherent in natural things. For myself, I see that this is the force of the feminine and masculine working together to help form and forge physical reality.

The spiral.  It is what we are in our most harmonious state.  Moving outward, moving inward. Turning around, speeding to conclusion.  

Healing Through Archetypes

One thing that seems to happen almost universally in awakenings is an awareness of union with a higher force, with those energies which feel pre-existant in the world, in spirit, and in ourselves. Thales,the Greek Presocratic and the teacher of Pythagoras once said that "All things are full of gods."  In awakening this old phrase that I studied and pondered in a college philosophy course  was the object of much conjecture.  My feeling then was this went deep, but I wasn't quite sure how deep it went, or even what it meant completely.  Upon awakening, or during it, I saw how everything was tied together, made up of the same stuff, a kind of holographic universe built on orders of magnitude, and that the building blocks of all matter and life were based on this pre-existant energy which was flooding the universe and was flooding me.  It is the great cosmic yin and yang, the positive and negative, the feminine and masculine. In most awakenings, regardless of the culture, there is some kind of awareness or expression of understanding that what one feels is the very essence of union.  As this has unfolded, I see how every single form that is has its greater expression, its own "god" if you will. Or gods.  That would suggest that its not just plural, but also broad and inclusive to involve those aspects of ourselves which are present in our world and that also exist in still higher forms. In Christianity there was the Father and the Holy Ghost (which was known in Jesus's time to be the feminine aspect of the deity).  In the Hindu tradition, it was Shakti and Shiva.  Both were involved in union.  Both merged in a blissful state of union that served to reveal the great secrets of the universe.....that the world is made up holographically, that we are all interconnected....that all life is recursive, a kind of giant fractal, a lineage from a higher form (gods) to us, the earthly selves of things that exist in "larger" scales.

Our sexual identity is not to be excluded.  In higher forms, our soul resides in a state of perfection.  It seems in all encounters I have had with it (in the beginning since my first encounters were fleeting and often difficult) that somewhere within me resides this self that is in a sense above my self, above the fray and the karma and all the rest.  This is my divine parentage, perhaps what some in the eastern tradition call the oversoul. It is because I am connected and a part of that self that I can choose to let go of the river bank and swim in its waters. When I do I have an experience of satori, of divine bliss.  Since I am not a student of the eastern traditions, I trust my terminology is correct.  But the point here is that beyond all of this bru-ha-ha is a refined sense of self that can serve as a template for being.  In a real sense, it is what we already are.  Its almost as though you were handed a cheat sheet, a clear path to knowing or being.  You visit your future self, you get all the answers, you come back to your place in your own time and rest in wonder over it all. You don't have to travel through time, though, since that self is available to you.  Before awakening it was only there during certain periods of my life, and I felt it more as a burst of inspiration that would flood into my moment and would leave a series of drawings, a-ha moments and other inspiring proofs of its having been present.  I seemed to be chasing after those elusive moments and often thought of them as inspiration.  This was of course correct, but it can be a state of being because it hints at the broader potential possible in such experiences of kundalini or awakening.

We can learn to heal some pretty broken places in ourselves, a place where the floor boards have gotten beaten up pretty bad.  Part of what we have had so much trouble with for so long has been tied to our sexual identities.  Just look at us as a race and its everywhere.  We have kept down the feminine for so long.  Some have rationalized this because women should be protected, or cared for by the masculine.  Women are the heart of the home, the nurturers, and yet, we have at the same time not given credit where its due. We have kept her submerged practically and figuratively.  She has not been able to inherit property.  She has not had the right to pass on her name.  She has not had the right to vote, to sell property, or to have jobs that paid the same as their male counterparts.  Women have been considered property.  Its not been the best time in the world. All of our most divine parts, while present, have been in disrepair. our most instinctive senses have been put toward the wrong ends.  Men have been asked to be the strong ones, yet when they exhibit sensitivity or need to be cared for emotionally, many women are turned off.  Men are meant to be strong, the rock, and god forbid if they ever crack under the pressure. There are all kinds of expectations that we put to each other, and its like Annais Nin once said that we are like sculptors of people; we make of them what we want them to be, but since it is not who they are, we always wind up being let down or feeling at a loss in the end, for it never suits them and it never suits us. Its true.  And this, dear friend, is what karma does.  And this is what kundalini begins to undo to the degree that one is ready. We can begin to heal those archetypes in us by bringing those forms down from the mountains of our awareness into the valley's of our earthly existence.

Within each of us resides both masculine and feminine in different degrees.  Each person has a drop or two of their opposite in them, its how the universe works.  Its less that you are divided down the middle, but a swirl of elements which you could consider masculine and feminine.  These make up who you are.  For people who have been defensive for a long time, you will find that your psyche has been ringed with masculine energy.  Why?  Well, its that part of you that is strong, the protector.  We call it masculine.  Its in truth HUMAN.  It does, though, have an energetic signature that is different from its seeming opposite, the feminine.  In my own experience, I grew to be very armored, protected from hurt.  I did this from a very early age due to trauma and hurt I had received.  I knew no other way and also was not fully aware just how armored I had become.  Wilhelm Reich, the psychologist who broke with Freud's analysis of how the psyche works delved in this armoring and how to remove it in order to heal.  As I learned to surrender in my awakening, I also let fall the walls all around me.  Boy, they had been up a long time!  It was a relief to feel them come down.  I felt like a different person.  it also meant that my ego, which had been monitoring the perimeter had grown very strong.  It seems that a lot of people who go through this sort of thing develop strong egos perhaps as part and parcel of trauma.  It gets you out of the feeling side and into a less emotional part of you....but boy, what a messed up part that is!  It is the interplay of these two elements within that can teach you how to loosen and become more supple spiritually. I discovered that my feminine essence was protected by a ring of masculine.  Everything that made me soft and sensitive was to be protected at all costs!  And it did.  it grew up feeling like it could ride to the aid of others, for it was perfectly suited for the job.  Again, there is karma!

As I have moved through this, I have stopped asking so many questions and have sought in a new way how my life ought to be.  I have not always had the answers, I have not always understood where I was going or where I was being led.  I often didn't know what was divine inspiration and what was karma.  As I have moved along I have found how accessing the two opposites within has led to peace.  The great secret is that as I access them, I am aware that I am accessing a universal field of energy and feel a still larger sense of moving the universe through me.  I can remember reading something that a zen buddhist had said about reaching these states.  He described it as sitting quietly as all the sand grains in the deserts passed through your hands.  This is, I think, hitting upon the same idea. There is a lot there.  If I am quiet and calm and centered, I can feel the pulse of the masculine moving through me and a current of something that seems a little beyond my ability to fully understand of feel, but that nonetheless is present.  It is me, but it is also something larger. I imagine my hand goes up and I feel its energy moving through my hand as I move it through fields of energy which need healing.  Unlocking and healing, this warm presence is beyond the hurt and pain of our past.  He does not seek to plunder or take or control.  He is gentle and kind.  He is fully aware that he is like a warm raw of sunshine warming an otherwise cold day.  He moves through all things, and like heat, he soaks in and heals. He does not take, but he gives.  He is content to simply be who and what he is, perfect essence, compassionate and freely bestowed.  At his source, he knows that the Source of all Life is this.  Loe is not bestowed upon only a certain righteous few.  This essence moves through and animates all things.  This happens, though, not on his own, but in consort with the feminine force of the universe, the Great Mother of All. It is in this interplay between them, the push the pull, the cool the warm, the hard the soft, that the world moves into dance and is animated, coming further and further into reality.

This awareness has been healing, it has helped me to crack open the hard places within me.  By centering on the hardness, being aware of it, I tell myself that it can all soften, and it does.  As I heal, I imagine the world heals right along with me.  One compliments the other, as the essence of the male is made more beautiful by that which adores him.  Somehow, her magical presence brings awareness of just how beautiful he is.  It is because he sees through her eyes to see how she see him that this is so.  But in similar fashion, she looks out through his eyes to see how he sees her, and realizes just how beautiful he finds her essence to be. He is aware that she is aware that she has many many manifestations in endless worlds down to the smallest speck, and he knows that they are both the parents of all of this. Long ago we had the rite of Hieros Gamos, most often a pagan kind of rite that involved intimate union with a god.  It emerges in a number of ways in different places and times.  The idea is that we ascend into that place into the godself.  Whatever the particulars have been in these rites, I do know that the moment that kundalini comes in, it is the very essence of this union.  As their union presides over the healing of the self, its power can be felt more and more.  Its true essence can be known more and more.  Since their union is eternal, there is no sense of separation.  There is not an intention to be one, for it has always been.  Theirs is less a river you learn to navigate as something that you simply jump into because it is what you are.  We may seek to ritualize it, but in truth, it is here in this moment through surrender and intention. We say kundalini rises in order to reach ultimate union, but from the moment kundalini emerges, it IS in union.  All that you do, though, is to learn how to be one with IT.  As you do, things become simpler.  No rituals, no dogmas, no religions, too.  Its in you like gravity.  You don't need a religion for that, or a belief for that.  That is why, when it comes, you will know it unmistakably.  No guesswork.

Here we are, in this moment.  We can choose bliss, follow it and hold onto it and then ask what it is that remains.  It may not always take you where you thought you would go, but it will always lead you to healing if you let it. As this happens, the bliss teaches and softens more.  Some problems simply cannot be solved.  Let them alone.  Forgive them.  As you do, your heart opens more deeply and feels a greater sense of this love that is less FOR something as it IS something unconditional and rapidly moving out of the old paradigm and into the new.

The Path To Awakening

You live as though you are awake, but a part of you sleeps.  You think and feel and believe it to be what you are.  You are more.  When you feel deeply you touch upon hints of what can be within you.  Somehow, you have been cut off from the universe, but its been so long, you don't even remember the day it happened, or that it happened at all. 

This world does a lot to keep people in a scattered and seperated state of consciousness.  There is much that is created and driven that quite naturally keeps you distracted and unaware of the elephant in the room.  I used to feel like this was some kind of conspiracy, and while some insist it is, I suspect its more innocent than that.  Its merely the blind leading the blind.  What else more can they do?  A person who is awake will sound like a total lunatic because s/he can see.  And what they see is absolutely revolutionary.  And it changes them in a very significant way, and it makes them seem different.  And the blind cannot believe that a sighted person could see such things.  It just sounds like nonsense.  And so the blind are happier being led by still blinder people than even they are.  The sighted most often get shot or crucified or assasinated.  This is how deeply ingrained the blindness is in your kind. 

We make things that keep us distracted because we aren't aware there is something more to fix our attention on that is more worthwhile.  We enjoy having a fragmented awareness because it FEELS like we are busy and being industrious.  What we are doing is splintering the self and creating a habit of dividing awareness away from the unified beam that is your higher consciousness. It is true we are many things, many petals all on the same flower, but in order to know what you are in your higher or larger context, you cannot be scattered.  You have to be unified.  You actually have to begin to vibrate in the same way that your higher self vibrates.  And it does vibrate.  It does INTEND.  It does focus in a certain way.  And if you can begin to fall into that alignment, you will begin to hear the voice of your greater being speak to you in a language so broad you might not even think of it as language.....dreams, visions, seeming hallucinations, intuitions, extrasensory perceptions. 

The way toward awakening is by becoming more unified. And what is this unification?  What does it taste smell or look like?

Some people reach it through meditation, but most simply awaken without diets or postures or mantras or any of that.  I was told by a guide early on that the race was ready for simply stepping into this higher form of consciousness now.  It suggested to me that Awakenings would be on the increase. And they have, most certainly.  What happens in an awakening is when the self becomes more unified, less distracted.  The ego moves back just a bit as the feeling self is allowed more room.  There are some ancient texts that were ordered burned when the Christian church was first being formed that turned up in the Nag Hammadi Scrolls, discovered in 1945 and named for the town near where they were discovered in Egypt.  In them Jesus explains how two eyes become one, how the masculine becomes the feminine, and how a woman becomes a man.  He is explaining the process of inner unification that takes place as the alchemy of the self begins. If you can imagine that you have two wires at the top of your head that have been pulled out of their connections.  One wire is the positive and one wire is the negative.  Positive flows to the negative and they move in this way such that a circuit is made.  The two are made one and the lights come on.  if you can think of it that way, it might help you to understand that your being begins to move closer into itself so that the maculine energy that is you merges into the feminine energy that is you.

I know what you are thinking.  We have a lot of hangups about sex. Manly men, many of them, often tend to be a little homophobic.  Women can be just as scared and intimidated by gay women.  The truth is, though, every single person has both masculine and feminine in them.  Its what rocks the universe. Its what keeps the lights on.  Its life force.  Its how it is constructed. This cycling of energy is what keeps the energy moving and creative.  When these two energies move into unity there is an explosion of bliss which is orgasmic.  Orgasmic energy no longer is kept in the base chakra or limited to the genitals.  This energy flows through you as if some wildfire has been unleashed.  This is what some call the awakening of the serpent fire out of the base or root chakra and into the rest of the body.  The masculine and feminine within you connects and begins to build ever greater amounts of energy as you learn to hold ever greater amounts of it.  And to what end?  The end is the means, and the means is bliss. This is establishing a new baseline way of feeling.  Before, it was as though you were dead and you awoke.  This is exactly how it has been described in some of the early Christian texts when they described resurrection. The resurrection was when an individual awakened.  If you read these texts, its curious how they were set aside, ordered cast out of doctrine.  These were the very words that gave voice to what the kingdom was/is all about.  Kundalini began to move in them, it animated them, it arose through them like a torrent moving up the spine.  You can choose to think of it as two serpents, or any number of things, but all of these will simply be descriptions and not the thing itself.  All of this will simply be an image, and the image, if not chosen clearly will paint a distorted picture of what it is intended to describe. The point I am making is that you have both of these currents in you. Every particle that IS has these currents.  Everything has a positive and negative charge.  Everything.  The entire world is holographic, built on this principle down to the most elementary particles.  Everything emerged OUT of this singular principle. And when you can merge these two in your self, and feel them dance, you have awakened. 

...or on your way to awakening. 

The way that you awaken may be an entire mystery.  For some it is this way.  I certainly didn't do anything intentional to awaken it. I sometimes meditate, but not regularly.  I suspect that for me, the release came when I released an old guilt I had carried about my spiritual path.  When I let go of that, my energy soared. Everything began to change after that.  I had been holding so much of my own energy hostage without realizing it, I had literally had become distracted and tying myself up in knots.  When the knot came undone, I was no longer able to be the person I had been before.

Within you is a place where you are unified.  It is a feeling. It bring bliss and it can also bring anxiety for how strong it is (this is ego talking).  But as you surrender like a lover to it, the bliss flows and unity is yours.  Healing begins apace and you are on your way to becoming your more Essential Self, the personages Jesus described as the Father and Mother (Holy Ghost).  It is also what happens in the Hindu conceptualization when Shakti and Siva merge together in the crown (the truth though is they merge at the very beginning and flow up together....but that is another story).

When you become one, you will know this kingdom....