Trusting

Within you is all that you need.  We get caught up in this world with things that we feel like we need that are outside of ourselves.  Some things are basic, like food and shelter, but these all have an emotional component.  If we feel that we didn't get what we should have, if we feel hurt by life, we wind up with the coverings which solidify into body armor.  In the same way that Ida Rolf noted how certain injuries or even emotional problems resulted in the person holding the body differently, we record that which we do not resolve into our feeling self which is the energy body.  The brain, being a recorder, is more like a file cabinet. It seems that past feelings, while accessed through memory, are located in the feeling part of us.  Terms like "gut feeling" or "trust your heart" all refer to an awareness that feeling is in the body.  No, not just physical sensation, because that is all over the body. What I mean is that what we "push down" is what we ignore....and it becomes lodged in the energy body.  This is why acupuncture, Qi Gong, and other types of energy work are so useful in helping to catalyze the changes needed to become aware of the forgotten stuff, but to also learn how to deal with them. An Awakening can also serve as a powerful catalyst to stirring up these knots or hard places inside of us that need attention.  If you think of the energy body, in consort with the physical body, as a channel for energy, you can imagine how this channel can become blocked with our myriad unresolved issues.  Its interesting that every single one of them somehow resolves, in one way or another, into love.  So we begin a process of learning slowly how to deal with all of what I thought of as "the inventory."  When I first began this journey I asked this energy in me what it was it was doing. I was well aware that it was helping me to remove stuff from my insides, and as I asked this simple question I found myself standing in a giant warehouse.  The image was apt; there I was, quite suddenly, looking at an array of stuff and it was all mine.  While on the one hand I came away from this feeling a little daunted, I also had the feeling that no one else was going to be able to do this except me.  Luckily I had something to help me in the process.....this energy which had come to....inhabit me....which was itself highly refined and beautiful.  And a task master. 

There are teachers and systems galore.  Ultimately, they are all lead the horse to drink.  Truly.  At a certain point you have to do the work required, and this "work" is simple.  Sometimes I think that its so simple that we miss it, or misunderstand it.  Life is hard, a challenge.  You have to work like crazy to see any result in your own life situation, etc.  But by moving out of that place and considering that the process is itself a simple moment of release, surrender, the path can become more simple.

I think that inside of us is a compass.  This compass is sometimes hard to read because we either don't know its there, or we simply don't trust it due to what life has served to teach us, or beliefs we have taken on (life is hard, etc.).  By being very simple in ourselves, the simple resolves. My experience was that I took this piece by piece.  This was not something that happened all at once, but was like chipping away at a stone.  Each moment of surrender led to another, and bit by bit, things got easier.  By daring to love ourselves, not that narcissistic form, but the one where we are able to draw healthy boundaries in life so we don't fall prey to hurt or get into situation that aren't god for us, where we take care of ourselves not out of fear but out of prudence and care for our own being, we can actually create a better place for this experience to unfold.  By relying on others for our happiness, we become dependent upon them for a host of things, and it is this co dependence that can cause a lot of problems, including the victim mentality. We wind up blaming others for what we willingly bought into, or were attracted to karmically.  Cycles like this become self reinforcing.  By being clear inside, as clear as possible, I think we know how we would like to be treated, how we would like our lives to be.  By not being afraid to listen to this compass, by not being afraid to give ourselves what we need, no matter how it might change our lives on the outside, I think the journey can become easier.  By learning to follow the bliss that an Awakening offers, we slowly are able to move out of dysfunction and into the light of this wonderful thing.  And yet, this all comes in levels, layers.  Our understanding of this bliss, or our embodiment of it increases, improves, transforms, with each chip we take from that seemingly massive emotional boulder.

I do think we know.....and if we do so in love, then how can it be wrong?  But wait.....what if by doing that, we hurt someone....well okay, what if that person is caught up in the same karma as you?  As you seek to exit that old way of being while they remain, its possible there will be hurt.  You are leaving the playground, and that seems like a rejection.  By being compassionate, we also become more understanding of both ourselves and others. Compassion, to me, is another aspect of love.  Its not a love that will always coddle, but will be considerate and unconditional. And fair.  You can give compassion without buying into someone's own world of hurt, though.  We do not have to become martyrs to a cause. Within what they feel is real, what is hanging them up and troubling them, we can still hold a hand and offer support.  But it doesn't mean we jump into that pool of pain or hurt or whatever else that karma involves. So often its only once we have made that jump into that sea or karma that we then see the result of that action.  Its a cyclic thing.....and we can become so enmeshed in old behaviors that the weight of the past bears on the new moment.

By feeling into love, by learning how to be grace-filled, I think we can continue to feel every greater levels of bliss.  When we get beyond our beliefs that such a bliss is somehow bad or sinful, we remove yet another layer of dross, because in an Awakening we are put face to face with our divine heritage beyond all belief, beyond all dogma.  This is how this larger cosmic love expresses itself.  We have a lot of shame about love, about how it makes us feel, and also about our bodies and all the rest. But if we consider for a moment that these are simply beliefs that limit the wonder of creation flowing through us, we can go towards the light of love in a way that constantly challenges and informs us of the best way to go. Towards the bliss....and you WILL feel the difference!  If my mind shifts from this state, I can feel the pain which exists in lowering the vibration. Its a simple little compass but its one that if we follow, is never wrong. Ask yourself, in the glowing abundance that is this higher realm of cosmic flow, how can there not be boundless opportunity for everything from healing to living a life that is abundant and happy?  Its not wide-eyed pollyanna-ism, but the one feeling that can change how you are and will help lead you to that which is yours....Remember, pain is a signal to learn how to stop the pain.  Whatever brought on the pain, its yours to learn what keeps the pain at bay.  In the midst of an Awakening, there is the issue of the pain body.  This pain body is entirely energetic, and luckily, I think, people are becoming aware of it in this age.  By saying that, it becomes a tangible evidence of this compass in us.  Sometimes we need some confirmation that its right, so we go round and round until the mind or ego or whatever else in us is satisfied, once again, that this indwelling knowing is right.  The real challenge I think is learning how to simply follow the compass without questioning it. 

Sometimes, being willing to say "its a mystery" and let go, is all that is needed.  By giving up the need to know...the need to continually get pushed out of the moment where this bliss resides, you begin to worry about what you cannot control.  Do what you can, and then stay in the moment.  Moving out of the moment will put you where your compass cannot operate well.  Then you can stop the allure of worrying about what has yet to be and move into what Is.  Then its like a curtain gets pulled back and something marvelous awaits. its a surrender of all the self loathing, hurt, worry, uncertainty, investment, righteousness, and everything else that keeps you tied in knots. We feel like if we let go the world will just whack us like it always has.  But you might be surprised how letting go also frees you up to begin a new life, a new world where you suddenly can look down moment to moment and feel what is right.

Trust.  Its in you to feel this.  It is your birthright! 

Wilhelm Reich

I came across this article the other day by Nina Silver.  I have always been attracted to Reich, but for some  reason, his material on the self has just flowed over me.  I remember reading some of his stuff years ago about sexual repression but it just didn't ring any bells for some reason. Until now.  Its an interesting read in regards to the body armoring and how we feel more Orgone (kundalini, life force) as we loosen that armoring.  It also talks about our built in notion of shame concerning sex.  Oh yes.....this we have some work to do if we are to embrace this thing....which sends some Christians running for the hills because of all the "snake" or "serpent" references!  Oh my!

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The Cosmic Quest      A young woman named Diane recently sought my body-oriented psychotherapy services in order to "become more spiritual." During our first session she told me that she watched her diet, had been meditating for five years, and tried to embody the qualities she felt constituted an enlightened, loving being. Did she ever get angry? I finally asked. No, not if she could help it. It just didn't "feel right." How about terrifically excited? I wanted to know. That was sort of okay, she answered cautiously, but in an effort to avoid "attachment," it was better not to.      Then came the big one. "What about sex?" I asked her.      Her eyes widened. "What do you meaning?" she gasped.      "In other words, how do you feel about sex? Do you let go when you have an orgasm?"  Diane blushed and lowered her eyes. "That's not ... very spiritual. I try not to have 'those feelings,' and sometimes I can't help it, but I do the best I can. If you're a truly spiritual person, you don't get into such lower octave energies."

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     I was disturbed. She wasn't the first client who'd walked through my door expecting instant nirvana if I could only help them exorcise all those emotional demons -- anger, sexual desire, even excitement and joy -- from their system. Like many others treading a "spiritual" path, Diane thought that someone who is uplifted only feels uplifting feelings, and that the energy must only "lift up." It was a stunningly new concept to her that genuine spirituality encompasses all of who we are, not just those parts we've been taught are "nice."
     Sexual desire is one impulse that hasn't been on the "nice" list for quite a while. It is considered lewd, crass and intrusive, a beast to be tamed. When I hear designations like these an alarm rings in my brain, and I know that the person voicing them is really speaking of repression -- their own.
     "Repression" is a Western term. Someone following an Eastern tradition would probably use "transmuted" or "transformed," but the underlying principle is the same. Diane and others like her want to redirect their sexual energy so that it ceases to manifest sexually. But by doing this they don't expand; rather, they become small. They limit who they are in an effort to become spiritually "acceptable." But acceptable to whom? And by what standards? Must our sexual urges be channeled elsewhere in order for us to become enlightened and happy? Or will doing this only make us miserable? Do we instead need to reexamine our attitudes toward sex, and perhaps embrace our sexuality even more?
     A brief summary here of my own experiences with spiritual and sexual concerns might be helpful. Fifteen years ago, as my acceptance of transcendent realities grew, I found myself gliding into deep states of "altered" consciousness (to me they were quite normal) with increasing regularity. I would emerge from these meditations with an intensified perception of the energy fields that surround living things, and of the love that I sensed must underlie the creative force of the universe. I felt no need to call this bliss "God." What was meaningful to me were my feelings of expansion -- in my head, chest, entire body. Reveling immensely in these ecstatic states, I promised myself that I'd overcome any fears of opening.
     My experiences, I later discovered, were somewhat different from those that other people described. They focused solely on what was happening in the upper half of their body, which they called love. I, on the other hand, was acutely aware of -- and welcomed --the charge in my pelvis as well. I knew how awful I felt when I didn't pay attention to my excitement, vulnerability, anger, or pelvic stirrings. With the same pragmatism that had led me to biology and the natural sciences, I was determined to access all of myself, not just the parts that were presumably moral or nice. Finally, possessing a healthy sexual appetite made it impossible for me to adopt any teaching that said that sexuality was wrong or at best irrelevant, that once you evolved into a master you wouldn't need to bother with such base sensations. I pondered why the universal intelligence would torture us with such sensitive sexual apparatus in a responsive physical body if we weren't supposed to feel it or use it in enjoyable ways.
     What some people categorize as "spiritual" (or the "divine"), and what these same people consider "sin" (the earthy or sexual), exist on a continuum. The current throughout this continuum is the universal intelligence or life force, called in various cultures ch'i, kundalini, prana, or the great spirit. This current, which pervades all living things, fuels the celebration of life and self inherent in both sexual vitality and authentic spiritual practices. Since ancient times, priestesses, healers, and shamans have perceived this current or flow as permeating and surrounding the human form, with vortices (called "chakras" in Hindu theory) at major glands. Seekers, today, feeling incomplete or empty in their individual existence, are turning to esoteric teachings to help them reconnect to the life force, the infinite source of power. They recognize that to feel whole -- whether they ascribe this connection prana or to the Goddess -- they need not only the comfort, but the ecstacy, that this union provides.

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The rest of the article can be found in the link for the Nina Silver Article, along with work by Wilhelm Reich.  I think its worth reading.  I am now looking more into his work a little.  He was the inventor of the Orgone Accumulator as well as the Cloud Buster.  Kate Bush wrote a song from the perspective of one of his children called Coud Busting.  For this he was branded something of a quack, but sometimes just because someone is not saying anything you understand does not mean they are off the mark.  In fact if YOU are soooo far off the mark, it could be the words of a sane person could sound like madness to you, right?

Nina Silver Article

I hope its of some interest.  It covers some of the interconnectedness that is a facet of this experience as well as how important it is to do away with all the limiting beliefs about body image, shame, sex as somehow dirty, and all the rest.  Time to put that one to rest!

Nemaste

My Awakening

I thought it might be helpful to include some material about my Awakening which did not follow any pattern that can be found in any mainstream understanding of how these things are seen to stir.

I will add the usual story......maybe the person is sitting meditating, or maybe not meditating; just sitting there and something happens, maybe they turn a certain way, or maybe they think about something and suddenly there is this blast of energy that floods from root to crown.  They are lit up and they feel this powerful jolt up their core as they are blasted open.  They see the entirety of the cosmos in a grandiose way of total bliss-out.  They feel as though they have touched God, the All.  Everything they were disappeared in this place or level of awareness. I will add that a LOT of these blast experiences leaves the person picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of it.  Its a very sudden and surprising event.  Gopi Krishna, who was convinced that he had not awakened both sides of the kundalini was only struggling with his ego to the point where he thought he would go mad, a process that is often termed the "dark night" of the soul.  This is a common fixture of the Awakening experience in which the person is faced with the immensity of the Presence of the energy and all that it provides (which is itself a threat to the front and center posutre the ego has been given in this world and which creates a lot of pain and anxiety when it is moved from its rather stolid position within us--pure and simple).  Awareness goes a long way....and I am not so sure that a typical awakening of this energy is necessarily the way to go.  Waking up nice and slow seems to be a gentler way. 

I spoke recently to a family friend who has been having Awakening experiences whenever she plays music.  She had never made the connection to kundalini, but she knew this was a wonderful and beautiful experience that has changed her life.  From the sounds of it, it is limited to when she plays music.  It was a short and in passing conversation after she had come across some writing I had done on the subject. She described how this experience had changed her life, but spoke of no sudden blasts but a gentle entrance of this energy whenever she is involved in her creative work (perfect I say because the energy has ALWAYS flowed easily when I was being creative.....which suggests that this energy is itself creative, so naturally creativity is the perfect aligning tool!)  The range, then, I think is broad, and need not be limited to the lightening blast.  Perhaps it serves a purpose, but I suspect that by letting it come on slowly, it can be easier on the whole system.  I know I didn't have any of the dark nights of the soul experiences until quite a bit later.  This was due to the ego not being put in a place where the energy pressed it out of the scene a little....something that did not happen until later. For me, while the energy of the experience did create some discomfort and some relatively small dark night experiences, these were dwarfed by those events that happened later when the process accelerated and intensified, which correspondingly created more pressure on the ego self to move aside in order to facilitate this Awakening process. 

Ok....so to the beginning of this thing....

I noticed a period of time which was marked by high strangeness.  I place my awakening moment to a simple and sublime sense of being part of a larger family of being after having spoken to a medicine man about some memories I had of another lifetime as a member of an aboriginal group here in North America.  These memories had weighted heavily on me for many years, a weight lifted, it seemed, I was lighter and began to sense something in the midst of all of this.  It was like the sweet strain of some faraway song that sounded real familiar.  I noticed that I began to have some synchronicities happening.  I felt like this was the language of the soul; this was, I thought, my soul seeking to "talk" to me through all my layers with images, events by creating these synchronicities.  I don't know if this notion was correct, but that was how it was first intuited, and it still feels correct for the most part.  I suspect though, that it was also way of illustrating our ability to manifest with this energy. 

This feeling was so sublime, so sweet, I was brought to tears.  How could I explain this?  This feeling persisted for three days.  Then, as I lay down in bed I saw four lights assemble in my inner vision, all side by side and they all shot off in different directions.  After that, the feeling left me.  At the time I thought that perhaps there was some mystical energy which had alighted in me and was leaving....that it represented the four directions of the world....

synchronicities surrounding this event....Looking back on it, I have found that for me the coming of this energy has always sparked gnosis (or knowing) in me, a feeling as though I am on to something and can't quite put it out of my mind.  This, I would learn, was how this energy would begin to integrate itself into me.  Part of it was conferring an awareness or knowing, another was how it would set up shop in me and begin to operate as a facilitator for still deeper states of bliss alongside this gnosis.

Then I began to notice a number of different phenomenon over a two or three month period.  I began to see lights projected onto the ceiling, lights that looked as though they were trying to resolve into images of some kind.  Then later I would see phosphorescent lights on the far wall at night only to find that the wall was completely covered with these purplish colored plastic bins.  If light had been on these surfaces, they would have had a purplish tint....yet they looked like they were on the concrete wall behind them.  Shining a light from a flashlight into the window I realized no car lights could have done this. Then I noticed that as I lay down to sleep I would hear distant voices.....first it was a woman's voice who sounded like she was just outside in the yard near the house. This went on for days and days.  I could never make out what she was saying, but when I mentioned hearing this voice, it went away.  It was replaced by the sound of a group of Indian men drumming and singing in the distance.  These came from a different direction.  These were always in the distance and hard to make out.  For some reason, during this time, I didn't think I was going crazy.  Perhaps having had a past life memory about a vision quest helped a good deal with my being able to approach this without fear.  None of this felt weird or scary.  It just seemed.....unusual.....but really quite benign. 

I say that I did not meditate during this time....but I did try a simple form of meditation for about a week or two that resulted in my seeing a brilliant flash of light as though someone had turned on a light real fast only to turn it back off.  I actually called out thinking someone had done just this, but there was no answer.  No one was there.

Then came the  pressure in the head. This began as a relatively discrete feeling of pressure in the third eye area.  It actually felt just like how a dime might feel when placed on the skin.  There was this feeling of pressure, however slight.  This went on for a number of days over a period of a week. Then one night as I lay there, I began to feel this pressure spread outward in bands across my head, going all the way around towards the back of my head.  This is one notable kundalini symptom that often precedes many Awakenings.  I found myself looking later at some painted images of Yogis from India who all had these bands of white and gold painted on their foreheads and realized that these corresponded exactly to the feeling I was having!  Once the sensation of pressure spread, it got stronger very fast.

It got so strong that it felt as though someone was gripping my head.  I thought someone was, energetically, gripping my head in order to awaken something in me. This would happen in the evenings as I lay down in bed.  While the feeling was intense, it never hurt.  It was alarming, and I simply lay and asked what was it that it was trying to do? 

At one point I was shown a series of images.  It was explained that I was to try to image these to the point that I would find myself there.  It was explained that by doing this I could suddenly step through a portal and find myself there.  I did this on a few occasions and found myself entering into the same state as the meditation, which is what I call wave-form awareness in which individual awareness drops away and this wave form of awareness happens.  This happens when we can stop being aware that we are aware.  This sets up a wave form of awareness that cannot have the linear particle-based form of awareness present or else it collapses the wave.  This is what is often described as "quantum collapse" and can be observed in other atomic-level phenomenon, and its very much what happens in meditation and shifting awareness from one mode or form to another. 

When this happens, I think we are tapping the larger self which our smaller self can access through this wave form (which is comfy with all other particles of consciousness around it, merging in order to create this wave form of being). Suddenly I saw the scene resolve in front of me and then as I intended to go through the portal, and the portal would collapse!  Over and over I tried this only to find that by INTENDING to do something, this form of awareness was enough to collapse the whole thing down around me!  This felt like some kind of training, but for what?   I would see several of the same images over and over; none of them were places I was familiar with, but each was very different.  One was a house where sometimes I would see someone there off to the side.  It was a contemporary layout and had a window in a corner of the house.  Nothing whatsoever seemed important or significant about this location.  Nothing felt like I was supposed to go to THAT location.  This felt very much like.....a classroom exercise, perhaps some kind of initiatory process, something that would facilitate a state of awareness for some reason. In another scene, there were a cluster of trees against a hillside. These scenes would repeat over and over as I tried to focus on each one until a portal opened up to that place (for some reason the notion of traversing space was NOT about this but rather the ability to image and then DRAW that place to me  so that I could see the doorway standing before me). All of this was while in full wakefulness but while lying down and very relaxed.  Finally I began to imagine places I had already been, and began to feel a now familiar feeling of an energy beginning to build and swirl in me.  I never went anywhere since the act of going seemed so tricky! 

Then one evening as I felt this gripping on my head, I thought what could this be and I realized that this was the third eye.  This was ALL about the third eye, so I simply said "let me see what it is for me to see" and I focused my awareness on that spot.  Then quite remarkably, I saw one single eye staring back at me first brilliant blue and then resolving into a beautiful  green as trails of energy went down from the eye in a line, or like some tracer.  It was as though this eye was burning or blazing as it looked back at me.  Someone would send me a link to a video that had the work of, I believe, Alex Grey, which was an animated illustration of how kundalini moves up through our being.  The energy was represented as these two eyes which traversed up the body.  As I looked at these eyes, they seemed so similar to the eye I saw on that night as I lay there looking ahead through my own third eye. As this eye suddenly appeared in my inner vision, I could feel my own third eye burning and opening even more.  Then the image faded away quickly and the pressure stopped.

Nothing much happened after that until I was on vacation in January.  I had a vivid dream of an unusual looking being that took in my breath and breathed back into me three times.  I was filled with a rush of this same energetic bliss that had a sexual and sensual component.  At first I was worried that maybe this being in dream had initiated or might have been controlling this experience, but clearly, things had been going on for six months prior to this. 

By this time, I was feeling a brushing tingling sensation sweeping all over my body.  It had no pattern, but it felt as though something intelligent was driving it.  At first it was a very mild sensation on the surface of my skin.  It gradually got deeper until it seemed to situate into my body in a deeper way.  Once this happened, I felt the fire of kundalini in the way that know it now which is a growing full body bliss that has been working on my system to purge itself of all sorts of stuff.  Around this time I noticed that I had been having an odd bout of intestinal distress that always resolved itself by taking some Pepto.

Once kundalini began, I had a feeling of something trying to inhabit my body.  This was very vivid in my mind.  At first I was a little freaked out.  On the one hand, this feeling was unlike anything I could ever describe, and on the other, what if this was some weird entity?  I mean.....!  Those were some of the early thoughts. Slowly, I learned to trust this thing. I learned that it meant me no harm, but that its job was to begin a process in my body.....of releasing junk, armoring.  I was aware that it would find a spot and it would kind of idle there....just waiting for me to become aware of it and let whatever it was, go.  Sometimes this might  take weeks to somehow figure out what the blockage was and let it go....and this energetic presence would just sit there at the respective chakra until I figured out just what it was that needed to be released.  I remember thinking this thing was like a giant brush fire on a prairie; it would burn away the stubble to reveal all these stones that I was to pick up, look at, recognize and then move on.  In the beginning of this, just bringing awareness to the spots that kundalini had stopped was enough to effect a release. 

As time went by and it dug deeper into my field, some things took months, even years, to resolve.  One such block that "ringed my heart" as I wrote back in February of 2006 was released in layers with the final block being released about a month ago. With its release came a very old memory, one from the middle ages. The easier layers were removed first, a lot like how one removes layers of clothes.  The harder more ingrained issues have taken a while to deal with, but with each removal I have noticed an immediate liberation of energy as the old energetic is switched, almost as if a polar shift occurs. The intensity of the energy does not change, but how it FEELS does. Pain turns to bliss.  There is a feeling of inner radiance.  Old feelings of victimization or hurt (or whatever the unresolved feeling was ) evaporates.  Something in my being "clicks" and its transformed.  The energy body feels as though its transforming into a more perfect conductor of this divine energy.

So it goes....

I think that its important to recognize the symptoms of an awakening because irregardless of what the literature has to say, there are many onsets of this energy and it does not always blast up the spine.  For those who feel this is the "best" method I think that most of these experiences tend to be momentary, fragmentary, and are the result of a powerful ego losing control for a few short seconds while the universe blasts as hard as it can into the self.  I don't think these forms of the energy represent anything that is comfortable or gentle.  Following the old modus opperandi is not always a good thing.  It is A way, but not THE way.  Unfortunately, we are all trained to pay attention to the experiences that SOUND like a kundalini awakening.  We need to learn there is a better way.  We once had women who gave birth without pain medication and often tied down!  Nowadays we use water baths, soothing music, and the woman is not tied down!  She also does not hurry out into the fields after the birth to work them!  We have come a long way, and we have a way to go yet!

These experiences are a brush with the mysterious and ineffable and beautiful.  Time to let the ego go, time to let the old shame slip away as we embrace the bliss! We have centuries of shame heaped upon what is a birthright, not a reason for shame. Surely, as the sword of bliss can be used to heal, it can be used to hurt.  So time to let the hurt go and seek only the healing.  But for as full as the eastern texts are with what is absolutely necessary in order to awaken kundalini, its quite clear that none of these prerequisites are being met;  people are awakening with no preparation, no 'nadi" purification, no special diets, breath work, or any of that.  People are also not even feeling the energy move up their spine in a blast of universal consciousness.  In fact, this phenomenon may be more troublesome and hard on the person than the gentler way I was initiated into it.  This suggests quite clearly that we still have a ways to go in learning how to understand this phenomenon and how it is initiated in the physical.  I have said before and will say again that the path through this is through love.  Love is not something the mind can contemplate the way the feeling self can. As long as we vibrate at the rate of this grand love, all troubles cease, all issues healed, and our way becomes easier.  Its much easier to embody the spirit of compassion and forgiveness than the harder egoic and mental traces that make up our history. But clearly, as more awaken, there will be more instances of experiences that defy what we think this can be or should be, or ought to be. 

There are as many ways as there are people!

Nemaste!

The New

This morning as I sat outside in the warm summer air, watching all of nature doing its thing, I began to think about my journey and about my writing.  I thought about the journey of humankind, too, and how all of it is in some way a reflection of one another.  I have some 550 typewritten pages now of a book about Awakening.  Part, a big part, is my own direct experience.  I have felt, though,  that I needed to bring in references from other traditions into this work in order to show the historical underpinnings of all of this....to show where we have been and the pitfalls that exist in our older modes of relating to this issue surrounding Awakening to our divine natures.

Quickly I felt something rise up within me that was very familiar.  It was my core self.  It was that part of me I knew was my innermost being.  Over the span of my life I have felt this part of me rise and fall as I went about the day to day.  Sometimes it was below the waves of my being for months, even years at a time. Over and over I observed this self rise and then submerge, almost like a dolphin breaking the water long enough to take a deeper breath.  And so it has been that I have moved, silently and unconsciously, near to, but not fully in, a greater awareness of my inner being..... awareness of the divine in me, separate from all of the separation and shame and pain and anger and.....all of it!  Essentially, everything that has held me back without my even knowing it, or fully realizing it.  Slowly, over time, some part of me reached a place where I was ready to dream myself as that dolphin self, which seems so easy in those deep waters of soulfulness......happy that there was no paradox between its swimming in the very thing that was its greater being. "Yes!" this being would chirp at me, as if in some strange yet recognizable language saying "I am me, so happy to be this, and yet I feel this ocean slip past me; its so GLORIOUS!  Check it out!  Come swim with me!" 

Tearful and afraid at first, the bliss of this pulled my foot closer to the water's edge.  Inch by inch I have managed to get a toe, then a foot, then more, into those waters.  I cannot tell you what swimming in this water is like.  Its so simple, really, and until we divest all of our fears about being swallowed whole by it, we do what I have done; dipping into this ocean until finally something gives way inside and we surrender.  I was quite convinced it all sought to rip my world apart.  But in the end (which isn't really an end...) everything it dismantled was everything that was not right in me. 

I sat there, thinking about how important this core self was, how it had never really been wrong, and it was as if it began speaking to me explaining that this self has to become more important than any of my fears, worries, guilt, or shame.  "This," it explained, "is what separates you from coming into that part of you that will write this book in the way that it needs to be written.  All of your need for approval from others has thus far been steeped in this consciousness, in this need.  But this need does not  serve your higher good because you are not here to speak of the past but to do what you do best; speak of how we can build a new world in the Now and how important you have to hold this so that you do not slip into the egoic idea that you have to create a compendium of the history of this experience; you already have that and others will do quite well with it...."  and as this flowed through me, I could feel how important it is to begin with as blank a slate as we can.  For me, I knew, the only way to "deal" with something is to resolve deeply within that the love of the universe is more important than approval or the love another broken soul might give me just to tell me that I am okay.
It expressed this sense that I can't really concern myself one iota with how what I do is received.  It will be heard by those who have ears to hear.  For those who do not hear it, they are simply not ready. They wont be heathen, pagan, or godless.  Honoring the journey for each person is of vital important, for in that honor, there is love, for honor is directed by love without a thought for how it must be done.  It just is done.  No question.  Just think about how many wars have been waged because someone didn't follow someones idea of how things should go!  Ooops.....no dwelling in the past!

But wait.   A broken world loving itself?  "That sounds a lot like the old path" I thought to myself, and like a whip I could feel the thoughts resolve "Exactly.  Until you break the bondage of this old way of being, you retain aspects of shame, guilt, hurt, pain, and all the other thing that have held you hostage.  The only way to deal with this is to let it go.  Let go your need to stay steeped in that old stuff; it will do your work no good."  I found myself thinking "But what if I do all of this work and its not accepted?"  When I thought that, I knew just how backward that thinking was, and yet my mind, and ego, were searching for a way to make sense of some aspects of this.  I mean, why was I even writing all of this anyway?  Why did I feel the need to share?  To what end?
I realized that just about all work centers on dredging up the old stuff in some form or another, even though it often deals with how to heal.  Regardless of how this work is received, I needed to do it because we need to begin to work beyond what we think is possible.  There isn't much time for us to get our house straight because the past weighs upon our present, and only by changing ourselves en mass will we every hope for a better future.  "You could keep those words on your computer" this self said, running through my head.  "You could keep it there, a perfect little piece of your process, your discovery, your yearning for the race as a whole to reach this better place.....this is not an egoic act but an act of love.  You may be attached to it egoically, but I am here to burn in the hearts of every living thing as I reveal what it is I am....and what I am is you, and your neighbors, and every rock that ever tumbled down from the mountains to become the sand of the oceans.  And when you can realize what it is that I am, you to will have been transformed by such knowing"

I now have a lot of editing work to do.  I know that I am to cease being fearful of how some might views this.  I know that the power of it will be clear to those who are ready to accept it, to see in them a mirror of a sort.  I am, after all, a facet on a larger ball of awareness, and we all sparkle and shine based on the angle upon which we find ourselves on that big ball of being.  Naturally we will each be attracted to different things at different places.  So enough of this damned pretension.  And enough of seeking to steep myself in the past but to continue to plow new ground.  This is not to say it will be perfect, but somehow it feels right that our movement forward is not by looking back, no matter how comforting that impulse is.  Time to do this differently.  This means being willing to be true to ones self.  Not because I think it needs to be done but because its part and parcel of my being, which is the reason why my core self has since I was young sought to stay away from old traditions (even though some part of me was drawn to it....I KNEW there were pearls of truth there!).  So even in the midst of what has become something of a campaign on my part lately about doing research into various traditions, I have to stop that for now.

Even the book, High Priest of the Mysteries, a book about Jesus's missing years, is on hold until or unless I can write it from the heat instead of from just a historical context. In truth, any book which seeks to deal with the past can never fully know what happened if all of the facts aren't there.   There are countless books which were kept out of the King James's version for the simple fact that people who were born 300 years after Jesus's death thought that some books were better than others, or somehow more true.  Whatever I do with the personage, it wont be the real Jesus.  He will be remade, recreated in order to communicate a still deeper truth which might be of some benefit to us here.  It wont be with car chases or sex scenes, but the vitality of the indwelling spirit, burning like a wild fire that wont quit and wont be extinguished in this or any other world. 

I am not here to impress you with anything.  I am here to remind you of your own divine being resting like eggs in a nest.  Be gentle and warm them so that they will show you how your concept of "nest" is transformed by their being, by their growing as they flee from the nest to what they surely must become.  Then, what is an end is a beginning.

Come, its time for you to consider that everything that you thought, all that you treasured, is worth losing.  This new life wont ask you to give up anything that didn't serve your higher being. It wont ask you to give up anything that you do not already treasure.  But it might transform before your eyes as being something that you realized was not as beautiful as you thought it was, or might even become more beautiful as the scales drop from your eyes.  In the end, everything that you thought was important is transformed or changed by this emerging sense of self which is connected to your higher being.  Its not any mystery what this being is because you swim in its currents and eddies all the time.  We are like a dolphin who has fallen asleep and awakens to realize that she and the water are really One.  How could that be?  And in looking closer, its presence beings to burn in her and the rest is history.  Another has been claimed by the All.....which was herself all along because in her ancient lineage, she traces her being back to an original One and this One lives in her dna, in her spirit, in everything that IS including the water slipping over her as she feels first hot then cold currents peel away all the shame and hurt and guilt so that she can feel this pulsing passion move through her without any reference to right or wrong good or bad, but the single thing that is.  She is here to do just this, nothing more; to know herself again as connected to a larger unity, family, boundless in the same way that the ocean is boundless.  And in that new-found passion she will find herself creating something more divinely inspired as the world resolves into a higher vibration of awareness.

This is achieved through grace.....but forget for now all associations you have about what grace is, for it is encoded into your dna, is encoded into your soul dna.  Finding it is a choice, a constant calling, a constant and persistent yearning.  Only through this grace do we truly and deeply forgive ourselves and others for all the wrongs in the world. By overcoming this, a new world awaits.  A new ocean pulses its message into our cellular dna as some renewed sense of self begins to emerge.  It actually IS that grandiose. Simple in its grandiosity. 

Traces

Beyond all religion
beyond all belief
this world begins
slipping first through cracks tightly held
then breaking through
its force reshaping and renewing,
first a threat
then a blessing
as the world resolves anew.

Moment by moment
your world
is recreated
from the lips
a greater breath is taken in
and a current of water and life
moves upwards
in mystery
and wonder.

No words may contain this
for it is innutterable
ineffable
beyond count or understanding
yet many seek to follow its tracks
into deeper regions
as the flower of its essence
opens
as union with the divine becomes.

This is our birthright
what we each shall come to
in perfect timing.
When we do that which makes it possible
for it to course through us
it will take up residence
as soon as possible
and begin its sacred works
which go beyond any conception of sacred
or religious
a path traced by your greater star
your essence of yearning
which is divine.

This illuminates every place
every self
it pulses through the universe entire -
when you move evenly with it
this partner in the dance
will show you the movement
that lies at the center of your being
and deepest yearning.

Self
and selflesness
mind
and mindlessness
all merge
in this point
and beyond it
is transformed
by realization
that nothing need be done
save what it will do
and remake us.

Beyond belief
beyond all conception
feeling lies
like a light lighting up the grass
or ariver flowing to the sea.
Beyond all conception
lies Being
in a simple acceptance
moment by moment.
We leave tracks
as we seek it
those ripples across the great ocean
which goes away
and remains
forever.

Aliens!

What a messed up soup of things this is.  Everyone has their theories.  But in the end, it seems this is like sand.  We feel the sand slipping between our fingers, but at the end of the day what do we have?  Do we have recovered craft material?  Some would say we do.  Certainly there are eyewitness testimony to support the possibility that our government has crashed craft. There were even some documents that slipped through the fingers of government and into FOIA fingers (the public domain)  which took the form of a memo marked top secret that had names redacted that explained that three beings were aboard a craft that was recovered in New Mexico in the mid 40's here in the U.S.  People see craft in the sky.  Certainly my sister and I saw a craft that exhibited qualities that could not be explained with conventional craft.  Two very brilliant lights slowly merged into one and shot over the house.  It spent a good half hour before the merge as they slowly moved from the far ridge near our home to the point where they were for all intents and purposes, a single object.  This was not a crash.  This was a slow and controlled thing.  Well okay, I am adding in the controlled part.  Since I have never seen ball lightening roar like a jet, and since I have never seen a jet or rocket move as slowly as this object did, nor any other object light up with the brilliance of this thing, I am left making some assumptions about the sand that slipped between my fingers on that hair-raising night.

I am going to take you into another world right now.  Its a sudden and jerky transition but keep your mind open for a moment.  This is another weird crazy hair-brained theory.  Another one.

Come with me to the gnostic texts of James and others of these largely hidden or marginalized documents that were cast aside, burned in the wake of the Council of Nicea, that august body that was tasked with determining what would be the doctrine, the canon, of Christendom.  I am going to take you into the world of the archons, beings that have an interesting intersection with the current Abduction literature.

Archons don't show up a lot in the regular King Jame version of the Bible.  They are mentioned enough so we know they were beings that sought to deceive humans into thinking they were something more than they were.  In the Hypostasis of the Archons, a gnostic text, there is some descriptions of how they came into being.  Lets look at some of their characteristics for a moment to understand more.  These beings are androgynous.  They have a countenance "like a lion" and they believe that they are like Gods.  In the same book it is mentioned that they sought to reproduce with humans.  Now hang on to that thought for a moment.  For reference I am including the book just mentioned here: 

Hypostasis of the Archons

A quote from the book that I find interesting to mention here, which folds into what Awakenings are about in my estimation:
"There, I have taught you about the pattern of the rulers; and the matter in which it was expressed; and their parent; and their universe."  But I said, "Sir, am I also from their matter?"
"You, together with your offspring, are from the primeval father; from above, out of the imperishable light, their souls are come. Thus the authorities cannot approach them, because of the spirit of truth present within them; and all who have become acquainted with this way exist deathless in the midst of dying mankind. Still, that sown element will not become known now. Instead, after three generations it will come to be known, and it has freed them from the bondage of the authorities' error."
Then I said, "Sir, how much longer?" He said to me, "Until the moment when the true man, within a modeled form, reveals the existence of the spirit of truth, which the father has sent.
Then he will teach them about everything, and he will anoint them with the unction of life eternal, given him from the undominated generation.  Then they will be freed of blind thought, and they will trample underfoot death, which is of the authorities, and they will ascend into the limitless light where this sown element belongs.  Then the authorities will relinquish their ages, and their angels will weep over their destruction, and their demons will lament their death.

What is being referred to here, I believe, is Jesus as the one who is helping people to know of their divine lineage as opposed to the lie that these beings seek to cast into the minds of people.  The Father, for my purposes also includes the Mother, but which was swept under the rug, hidden by calling her the Holy Ghost.  If you do your research in this area it becomes clear what the Holy Ghost is even though today its considered an aspect of a rather select boys club (bit it really isn't....this is the error that has changed it over time and with a desire to lessen Her presence in all of this spiritual stuff).  The idea of death is not about physical, but a spiritual death.  Many gnostic books speaks of "life" and "death" in these terms. This suggests strongly that the Resurrection was simply a process we all could take part in in which, through an awakening, we could cleanse ourselves of those things of this world (karma) so that we can achieve this enlightened state which very much feels like coming alive.  One very much feels forever changed, brought into a new life than the one that came before.  So in a sense, this victory over death was not about a literal physical death (despite the focus on Jesus being crucified and coming back to life---the gnostic texts show a very different take on this idea and its one that very much fits hand in glove with kundalini.....along with terminology that just happens to be present in the gnostic texts which, like their Indian counterparts, spoke of the union of the feminine current and masculine current that makes up the entirety of creation in the midst of our waking up or being reborn in this spirit that comes into us).


Now on to other things....

Jesus is speaking to his disciple, explaining how to deal with the Archons.  These beings set themselves up as "authorities" and in fact, this language shows up in the gnostic literature.  Jesus explains that these beings come when one is in a drowsy state, daydreaming or getting ready for sleep or in sleep itself. He says that they have a countenance like a lion, create a deep fear in people, and once having gotten their control into the person, they take that person "by theft."  Oh, and these beings show up in threes.  Jesus then explains how to deal with such attacks, the language to use.  These beings ingratiate themselves into the host and can cause a lot of subliminal or subtle changes to take place.

John Lash, one of the few people to cover this issue does so with a great deal of clarity and knowledge of the texts.  What he observes is how the current UFO wave corresponded with the discovery of the Nag Hammadi, a series of documents that had the largest trove of information about the Archons.  Accident? Here is what Lash has to say in his web site Metahistory.org (the link will be at the end)

Physical descriptions of Archons occur in several Gnostic codices. Two types are clearly identified: a neonate or embryonic type, and a draconic or reptilian type. Obviously, these descriptions fit the Greys and Reptilians of contemporary reports to a T. Or I should say, to an ET.

Delving into the Gnostic materials, it is quite a shock to discover that ancient seers detected and investigated the problem of alien intrusion during the first century CE, and certainly well before. (The Mysteries date from many centuries before the Christian Era.) What is amazing about the Gnostic theory of the Archons is not only the cosmological background (explaining the origin of these entities and the reason for their enmeshment with humanity), but the specificity of information on the alien m.o., describing how they operate and what they want from us. For one thing, Gnostics taught that these entities envy us and feed on our fear. Above all, they attempt to keep us from claiming and evolving our “inner light,” the gift of divine intelligence within. While I would not claim that Gnostic teachings on the Archons, or what remains of such teachings, have all the answers to the ET/UFO enigma, one thing is clear: they present a coherent and comprehensive analysis of alien intrusion, as well as specific practices for resisting it. They are far more complete and sophisticated than any theory in discussion today.

In short, the ancient seers of the Mysteries in Europe and the Levant seem to have accomplished 2000 years ago what many of us have been attempting to do since 1947: figure out who the ETs are, where they originate, how they relate to us, and most important of all, how we ought to relate to them.

As far as I know, apart from myself only one writer on the ET/UFO issue has directly identified the Gnostic Archons with contemporary ETs. This is Nigel Kerner, whose book, The Song of the Greys, is a strange, singular and little-known contribution to the debate. Kerner cites the Nag Hammadi texts just in passing, and does not elaborate on Gnostic teachings about the Archons. He makes a strong case for alien interference with the human genome, but this claim does not stand up against Gnostic analysis. Gnostic texts use mythological language to describe actual events in prehistory as well as long-term developments in the human psyche. According to the ancient seers, Archons cannot access our genetic makeup but they can fake an intervention. Considering the confusion of humanity in modern times, a faked intervention would be as good as real. This typifies the Archon tactic of getting us to imagine and believe things that are not true, and to accept simulation for reality. In this way, Gnostics taught, these alien cousins can deviate the human species from its true and proper course of evolution.

Metahistory - Archons 

In the abduction literature its interesting how the abduction scenario follows the behavior of the Archons so well.  Most often abductions take place with three androgynous beings present.  The person most often feels absolute terror.  Animals act very aggressively toward them, for example.  Maybe like how they might if a Lion were to come into the room?  A threat?  But terror is certainly a part of the experience and after feeling terror the abductee finds him or herself to be paralyzed.  After this, the beings take the person "by theft."  They go onto a craft and are poked and prodded.  Some women describe an insemination procedure.  Many describe being forced to hold weird babies that looked like they were hybrids of humans and their race. The babies were dying without human touch.  They needed human touch. Perhaps this is because the beings themselves are more imaginal than physical?  Interdimensional?  Could they be practicing a giant hoax on people with collecting ovums and sperm and skin and other tissue samples while all along not really able to do what they SEEM to be doing, creating another race.  Perhaps this is itself an elaborate hoax as Lash suggests?  At this level of incredible possibility, I think that anything is possible.

It gets more interesting though. There is a dirty little secret in the Abduction Community, one that many do not want to mention, but its beginning to make its way into the literature.  Understandably, given that one believes that the data they are gathering is about beings seeking to gain genetic material from humans, it would seem strange to have something come out of left field like this, but its an amazing thing.....because of how it fits into these beings playing a gatekeeper role in the gnostic texts.
Its about Near Death Experiences.

With our technology, the cases of NDE's has shot up because we can snatch people from the clutches of death through improved technology.  One things that has begun to come up is a rather unexpected correlation with these experiences and the Abduction community.  You guessed it; aliens.  Or Archons.
People are beginning to experience these aliens as acting as gatekeepers in many cases.  Accounts involve people who themselves have never had any conscious experiences involving E.T.'s but incidents of this are beginning to come into the community. I reference this through a story that a friend who worked at a hospital as a chaplain described to me as having happened with one woman who quite innocently explained after her NDE and subsequent resuscitation, came to him for counseling that she had seen three of these alien grays in her experience of the afterlife.  This man, himself an abductee, couldn't believe what he was hearing. Is this showing up in the literature? I have not seen any of it. And yet, if these beings are beginning to populate these after death experiences, its a curious little cross-over, if you will forgive the pun.  

But one more wrinkle in this.  The other side of the coin are people in the abduction community who actually see people aboard alien craft who are themselves already dead.  Whitley Strieber recounts in one of his books one such incident involving a man he later discovered had already died. At the time of the abduction, he didn't know this man had died. This was a man whom he knew in life, and just this moment I do not have the resource close enough at hand, but have clear enough memory to recount the basics of the experience.  Others in the community have described similar experiences, all independent of one another.   I understand how one might wish to think that maybe they weren't dead....or they were brought to life.  But maybe another possibility looms, which is that we really do not understand this phenomenon for what it is and that a still plausible but incredible possibility exists which plays right into Lash's own thesis of who or what these beings really are. 

So maybe I have just muddied the water too much.  But consider that the truth is stranger than fiction.  But is it really happening?  the problem that so many people have is that these beings are elusive.  No one yet has been able to produce anything that is an artifact of their existence. There are stories about craft, about beings recovered.  The govt. has been hush hush about it, and yet many people are finding that a lot of the craft in our skies are looking decidedly terrestrial.  If you go to the web site nuforc.org

ufo sighting database

and look up triangular black craft, you find a device that looks a lot like our stealth technology, that also has, not always, but often, a more regular schedule to their sightings (which suggests a very human schedule instead of something that could be totally out of this world and adhering to a very different sense of schedule.....I am mostly thinking the sightings often correspond to a late night flight).  Also some, not all, of the flights, also happen near military bases.  Maybe not a coincidence, there.

I know that for myself, I had run-ins with beings, some, but not all, that were presented in a way that made them look like bees or similar to the grays except mine looked darker.  I also know that some beings, though, felt less like aliens and felt more like dragons or similar kinds of beings.  Perhaps this, then, is what Lash suggests in the case of the two types.  I was aware that these beings sought to connect and ingratiate themselves into the energy fields of their hosts who were themselves blissfully unaware that anything was going on.  In one case where I removed one being at the beginning of my awakening, the person was aware that she had been haunted by dreams over the years that used sex and fear as part of a recurring scenario (as a way to feed off both of these vibrations).  These beings attach themselves in a parasitic way to us.  We speak of casting out demons and spirits, and I can't help but think that this phenomenon could also include the archonic field of experience.  What I find so interesting is that once one has the awareness that these beings are there, getting rid of them isn't that hard actually.  In one case I had three that dissapeared with little fanfare.  It reminded me very much like pigeons in an attic space when a window was opened. With a little shooing (awareness!) they were gone.

I was aware that these beings were in what I could only describe as a cavity corresponding with my bodily cavity but that it was entirely energetic.  I also know that in the run up to becoming aware of them I felt what I suspected was their efforts and affecting my energy field in order to create as much fear as they could in order to keep me out of an ascending state.

This points to something else about these beings.  If you are in the midst of change, these really aren't that big of a threat to you. Yes they feed off of those energies which are created as a result of karmic attachments that have not been resolved (unresolved hurt, anger, abuse, etc.).  They seem formidable at first, but in the end, they fly off like pigeons in the rafters of our being.

So are these archons?  Are these aliens? Is there even a connection?  I think that I like to consider even the most preposterous ideas because yesterday's preposterous idea has a way of becoming accepted mainstream theory or understanding.  There was a time when it was suggested no train could ever go over 70 mph because, it was thought, the air would be sucked out of the cabin of the train.  We look back on this and think how silly to think that.  So what if Jesus and the gnostics had a line on this etheric realm and watched their movements with clarity and understanding in the midst of their kundalini awakenings? Certainly, if you look at the gnostic texts of Philip you will see how he describes the mechanics of awakening in his book.  He speaks like a hindu might about the union of the feminine and masculine just like shakti and siva do in their journey to the crown and out into the cosmic reaches of our being.  We are begotten through two parents which Philip explains is a man and woman spirit, that those who say Mary begot Jesus with the Holy Spirit are in error, because, as everyone back in Philips day knew, or should know, the Holy Spirit was the feminine face of the Creator.  "They are in error" he says and, "they don't know what they are talking about."  Certainly the idea of "begetting" souls would make sense that you have two forces in union, right?  In the Hindu tradition this is divine union, the result is transcendent consciousness.  Perhaps this is the "child" of their union in a sense, the Christ or Cosmic consciousness.  When Jesus came, he bore the good news. The good news my friends is that lying inside of you is the means to awaken. Its what you have awaited for so long.....

Ok.  Thank you for humoring me on this fanciful jaunt through something that I felt was important to consider, to spread because when we begin to face the issues of our awakening in a more frank manner, I think that it becomes easier.  The unknown gets less scary, and we realize that its really not so hard to get through it if we have knowledge.  I don't think its a conspiracy as much as its a lot of misunderstanding as well as a govt that might just be hiding something big under that whole alien thing.  I could be wrong, though. I am willing to keep my mind open and consider a few strange things rather than keep it shut tight. One thing is for sure; these etheric beings DO exist and many DO encounter them in one way or another through this.  Those who become aware of them signal a real shift in their awareness because awareness in these matters is the first step in moving beyond their efforts for control.

Cocreation

The power of an awakening can lead to surrender, bliss, peace. I know for myself that the process that has led me to where I am in all of this has been won not through fear or worry or all of the negative emotions, but rather by shedding them to the best of my ability.  The mind and ego, which seems to house so many of our notions about how things SHOULD be are also rife with positions and attitudes that simply push one out of that grace-filled state necessary to feel the best flow of this bliss, and silent gnosis or knowing.  The challenge for me is how to remain engaged in a world that seems to be going down the slippery slope in so many ways.  IBM is creating something that is right out of the big brother world of tracking and control.  Is this the world we want?  Is this what we signed up for?  For as useful as technology like this can be, it has a dark side.  This dark side seems not to trust that we all just want a good life free from invasion of privacy, free to explore the boundless wonder of creation.

So when I see a video like this, it causes me some concern:

Watching videos like this can lead to fear and all the things we need to keep away from in order to anchor a better vibration here.  The vibration is important because as so many feel deep in their bones, this experience is about Collective Awareness wherein we are all connected. While the likes of IBM are themselves creating a "connected" world, many feel that its really not for higher purposes.

For me I found that I had to exit all of the fear about 2012, end of the world, New World Order, and all the rest in order to continue on my path to something better. But given that, how do I remain steady in my place where I find peace while also remaining active without tossing anger at what I consider an afront to our greater natures?  I do not buy into the notion from the East that we are here in these awakenings to simply sit in the bliss created by it....for, as they say, anything else is Maya, illusion, stirrings of the ego and all the rest.  Sitting in a cave staring at my navel isn't going to change the world I don't think.  While I know that part of this experience IS about how we can FEEL the unity of all things, how interconnected we all are, there is another layer that seems to be missed altogether in some traditions that involve themselves with understanding awakenings (kundalini and more). This layer has to do with co-creation. Here I am, sitting in all of this flowing bliss of being.....and the world is going to heck in a hand basket.  So by working to stand for things that I feel are true and right, I am able to begin to create something that is positive instead of the same old stuff.

There is, though, a sense amongst many thinkers today, one that I certainly resonate with in light of what my awakening brought me, which is that we live in a kind of energetic matrix, one in which if our collective energetics are not in their highest, can result in a tendency to cleave to the lowest common denominator.  David Icke speaks into this as a hologram that makes up our reality and that somewhere in there are lower level energies which seek control (the reptilian stuff).  Greg Braden writes about a Divine Matrix which describes how we interact with a field of energy that responds to our beliefs, feelings, and expectations.  It is, he says, entirely neutral, and we, the input, get out what we put in.  If we can put in something better than what we did previously, "reality" will form itself around us with the new set of events which we expect.  Jane Roberts trance personality Seth said over and over that we all create our own reality.  By changing the fundamentals of our outlook and beliefs, we can make significant changes in the world we interact with, the events that we experience directly.  All of this this sense, and within it is a fear, I think, that we are racing towards a control matrix, not something enlightened and free.

If I bring the collective down to the individual scale, I can see how all of life on earth can be like one person....many organisms making up a body the same way that the cells in your body make up what you are.  There are trillions of cells each with their own consciousness, with their own programming and purpose in their own lives. Riding atop of that is a collective consciousness which is YOU.  So in the same way I relate to our collective self and think how I can have a real problem trusting that everything is going to be okay.  When I let my mind and ego go a little more and choose a different way of being, interesting things happen IMMEDIATELY.  Immediately.  Events will literally change overnight.  Its amazing.  So I ask myself, how do I shed the dross?  How does humanity begin to shed the dross itself to reach a higher level?  Isn't the collective already beginning to show signs of churning through itself, evidence of shifting slightly in some quarters?  And do the sheer numbers of awakenings suggest that this is becoming manifest in the collective?  It makes a lot of sense to me, and I know that since all things are connected (even if you cant see evidence of it), then surely this must have some relevance.  In writing this, I think, what is it that we are creating?  Can't we simply begin to be aware of these fundamentals and work as we can in our own way to make change within us, realizing that its possible that it can have some effect upon the whole?  Maybe the path to this better place is in reforming the body from the inside out instead of more of the same, which really isn't working.  More control, erosion of rights and liberties, wars and more wars, dependence upon old ways of being and doing things.....And yet, what concrete things can I do?  Do these awakenings suggest that maybe the normal channels for change might not be working, that change is sometimes difficult to achieve with government tied up with lobbyists, or other institutions that seem over run with people who seem to need more and more control instead of just letting go and giving more freedom to others instead of being so fretful that something bad will happen, or absent that, afraid we can't be trusted.  Given this, what do we create that will be more enlightened, that will inspire others, inform others that there is something better than this? 

More and more people are teaching about Hatha yoga, kundalini yoga, transpersonal experience, learning to see our world as being connected, and some are writing about nonduality, while others are following their conscience about how to manufacture and how to deal more fairly with people in the process of making things (Fair Trade being one).  There are interesting technologies that show promise of making life better not just for us, but for the planet.  Will awareness move faster than all of the other competing things that serve to keep us back? With Fukushima spewing radiation at levels that isn't being reported in the mainstream press, how do we literally find a new way of empowering ourselves so we don't allow those with misplaced notions of what is good and safe to continue with their march towards nuclear?  Many have said in this argument that nuclear does not produce green house gasses.  Its important in that way.  No green house gasses, but a fallacy to say it is safe.  It isn't safe.  We have other nuclear reactors placed in active fault zones in the U.S. and we just need a good shaker to create some long-scale havoc.  Still, absent good alternatives, what can we do but build more nuclear? That way we are less dependent on foreign oil.  Right?  Maybe if we began to fund alternatives to even ALTERNATIVE energy we might actually come up with something substantive.  Solar, while "clean" also involves expensive arrays and some of the manufacturing processes aren't good for the environment.  Hydro is good, yet it also impacts native fish species.  What if we could come up with something like cold fusion. 

But wait.  Cold fusion was a fraud, right?  There were people from all over the spectrum jumping on cold fusion as a big joke and spending dried up for it.  Could it be that it was made subject to such criticism less for its promise to hold results as how it could impact our utility grid?  So this leads me to a man who has come up with a cold fusion device that has already been examined by batteries of scientists in the field of physics and has thus far not resulted in anything but praise and confirmations that what the inventor is doing is not some kind of snake oil. 

Rossi E-Cat Energy Device

After looking through the site, if this is indeed all as claimed (it is getting backed up by some important names and is in a series of trials at a factory in Greece as I write this), then it will mean something that will produce abundant energy and something that is overunity, which means it produces far more energy than it uses to run.  The inventor claims that it uses a small amount of energy and then a catalyst (probably not true cold fusion) which consists of powdered nickle in extremely small amounts (grams per year for a large unit).  So given all of this, and other interesting revolutionary alternatives, why don't aren't we getting funding for these kinds of things?  The Federal govt is controlled by large corporate interests?  What about the good of all?  Is this where people's small voices get heard?  Is this time for some activism?

In my own work I am seeking to find a way in which to create in a manner that is part of this larger flow.  By learning to create in this way, I suspect, others can learn how to relate better to the spiritual roots of creation. Part of the process involves understanding how the different parts of the self are brought into the process.  I am working on tying this into what I call Divine Energetics, a nondogmatic way of looking at the mechanics of higher level energy.  It wont ever take the place of an awakening, but by understanding it a little better or in a new way, it might help others in finding a way to engender the creative in their lives in a new way that helped them understanding the feeling side of things.  The challenge as I have seen it as a creative person is that we don't always have as much awareness of what is going on inside of us as might be useful.  By understanding that your energy body consists of currents of both masculine and feminine energies composed based on your own personality and turn of mind, you can perhaps monitor the process a little better, feeling into the process in a more aware way.

Some people have always had a very clear intuitive sense of how creativity works, so they never needed any help.  They simply HAD it. Others have been mystified by the process and often want to leave my studio classes in search of inspiration. It is my feeling that they were off to be alone in order to take part in what felt like a very intimate process...which it is....which is a merging of these masculine and feminine currents in the body....and which can be found to have reflections in how the two hemisphere's of the brain can suddenly come into some kind of balance or synergy with the resulting "aha moment" happening, the moment of union energetically of the masculine and feminine.  Always, when these two touch, there is creation.  In some cases, it creates more bliss.  Good, that.  But it can also be used as the fuel for creating IN this vibration of more conscious creation.  When we feel connected as opposed to separated, how differently do we create?  Surely, we can be in a separated state (through free will) while still managing to bring the masculine and feminine energies into the "aha" explosion which can be used to create more of our species, but can also be used to create other things.  The difference is that so much of the agendas change in this more refined way of creating.

I recognize that for years before I had my awakening that my creativity was very closely tied to my sexuality.  I knew that when I was creating really cool stuff I would sometimes feel a surge of energy which would move through me in a way that later felt like kundalini (sensual and even sexual bliss), but never seemed to kindle the fire in such a way that it would set up permanent residence.  I sometimes had a funny feeling about this, wondered if there was something wrong with me.  In the back of my mind I thought, no, that is an attitude that I let in as a result of living in this world that creates so many taboos about sex and sexual bliss.  Its less that there is a problem with the bliss as there is a problem with how we perceive or respond to it.  In a way, then, I have seen that the awakened person is like a wild thing, free from the restrictive attitudes concerning bliss.  With fewer restrictive attitudes, there is less repression, and with that comes fewer problems emotionally, and a clearer connection with the higher ranges of awareness in us.  This doesn't mean that its a free for all, no....just that in refinement we can let this energetic play through us in a balanced way that brings in all levels of our being in the mix...the triadic part of our being which I describe as being the reptile brain, the mammalian brain, and the primate brain.  These same energetics correspond pretty well with the root chakra (reptile), heart (mammal) and crown (primate).  By understanding through feeling that the process is not to cast out the root or reptile rawness, but to bring that energy upwards into the heart, it is actually transformed.  Further up is the explosion into the crown, which is cosmic consciousness, the outer edge of our experience here. 

The stumbling block for many in the Western Christian mindset is a false sense of purity and piety.  This has no real understanding of our true natures, that there is nothing at all wrong with our animal natures, no.....but we are not JUST animals. We are more.  We are creators.....co-creators.  We have more than just the reptile rawness in us.  It can be an easy stumbling block for some because that energy is so strong and entrancing. Just see how entranced anyone can become by all of the references to sex in media today (as well as aggression and the violence that it brings).  Its not that there is nothing wrong with a beautiful body, but when all it does is instill a feeling of raw sexual energy without sending up further up the line of the transformational furnace of our being, it is merely that; reptile sexual energy.  And it can become a trap.  But its strong.  Its good that its strong, because as it moves up the line, it fuels a powerful sense of becoming and transformation.  For as strong as it was in the root chakra, it can transform itself into something just as powerful, but with the added profound (heart) and then cosmic (crown) transformation.  By living and creating in this way, we can shift what is made and how what is made can be seen, felt, experienced.  This also effects our choices, what we make, what we involve ourselves in.

There is always the chance that something we make can be put to less than good use, but one has to examine their beliefs for what they might be attracting.  Robert Monroe, founder of the Monroe Institute, did some truly remarkable work in the field of the out of body experience and altered states.  His company developed a ssytem for synchronizing the two hemispheres of the brain in order to help people absorb more learning or to achieve deeper states of awareness through his patented "hemi-synch" process through the use of different cycles of sound for each ear, and thus, hemispheres of the brain.  he wound up doing work with the CIA on secret projects.  Given the CIA's legacy with Mind control (see Project Paperclip in which our and the Canadian government brought in the Nazi doctors along with the Nazi scientists, the latter used to boost our space program in the U.S.A.), it makes me wonder about how resolved he was about what it was he was creating.  And in the end, who knows; perhaps I am merely being alarmist.

So do I set out to raise awareness about RIFD tags? Do I merely lobby my congressional leaders, letting them know how bad I think this is?  How would my efforts be best utilized?  What are my best gifts?  Should I just keep working on these books in the hopes that they help people to understand awakenings?  Can I somehow help fuel a sea change in people? Can we bring a new awareness to the earth by birthing a new consciousness through this thing....this kundalini?

The new book, based on what some called the Secret doctrine of Jesus, is in the works already.  So far, its not been that difficult.  the sources shine out like gold before the sand....and he clearly spoke about kundalini, about awakenings....even though those documents were suppressed, burned, hidden, only to be rediscovered in Nag Hammadi in the 40's. The Gnostic Gospel of Philip describes the process in such clear language that its hard to ignore what he is talking about; the union of the spiritual counterparts of the feminine and masculine (which begot us....our spiritual lineage) in becoming awakened beings.  This is the big "aha!"  The working title is High Priest of the Mysteries.

Truth

We all have truth, right?  What a Muslim values is different from what a Christian values, right?
So much in our world serves to reinforce separation.  We do not realize how much it infuses our awareness.  What would happen if you breathed in air that suddenly invaded your body in such a way that you suddenly realized that ALL religion, ALL dogma, all techniques and methods often only serve to separate you from a divine core, a divine source which is uncompounded, whole, yet able to know itself in all of its parts (you and every single particle in your world) and knowing EVERYTHING as alive in some way (even though you might not think a stone is alive....)? 

Beyond all of this is  Awakening, the one thing that is the mystery of your being, and the simple little mustard seed which will unfold inside of you and help you, if you engage in it, in reaching your divine self. Regardless of your belief, your background, or where you come from or what century you lived, awakenings are nearly impossible to miss. Their symptoms are physiological and range across a broad spectrum, and the FEELING that they produced, regardless of belief, results in the same sense of being a part of something boundless.  The difference, really, is how its described.  One religion or method will just have a different name for it very often, which makes it seem different....yet it may well simply be just another way to explain or describe it.  HOW things are described creates a vibration, though, however subtle you might feel it to be, it has a huge effect on people.  This is why some people are attracted to one tradition over another.  Its one reason why a lot of Americans went to India because something in them was attracted to the Eastern philosophies.  This is not a judgement, but a basic truth of things.  We swim in eddies of energy, and this energy is constantly being turned this way and that, we are constantly coloring the stream with attitudes, judgments, and the stream itself will take it because of freewill.  Sometimes it is colored a certain way....still carries the light even though it has a certain flavor or color to it....and this all attracts us in a way that can be understood as going back to our own karma as well as who we are on an essence level. All resolves around surrender, though, because the higher self is itself free from these judgments, and opinions about how we think things are .  You need no religion, no faith, no belief.  You only need yourself.  This alone is enough.  It has always been enough, for inside of you is a giant waiting to awaken.  Truly I say to you; a giant slumbers.  Surrender is all you need, for in the end, with this, is all that you have, and through this surrender of the mind and egoic self with all of its judgments about what it believes is lain aside so that the self can know the deeper truth. 

Ultimately, an awakening will tend to show the person how all of this truly transcends all religious thought because an awakening IS the source of what being illuminated is.  The conundrum with an awakening is that it really cannot be described outside of lots of bliss and and and.....you get the idea.  We can wrap it in so many packages, and while we can do a very good job of packing it, ultimately the experience escapes all efforts to describe and plot it out on graphs and quantify it.  This is because in the final glance, this is something we experience.  Through feeling.  Not mentalizing or through some belief.  It doesn't stop us from trying to describe it though.  Jesus spoke alot  about it....mustard seed, thief, eye of a needle, lilies of the field, like children, etc., etc.  Other traditions speak of an ocean of bliss, of milk, others of still different things.  All of them are colored by the people writing or espousing the ideas.

Truth can change, certainly, as our orientation or perception of it changes. The great thing is that there does seem to be one simple truth, but it is unutterable, ineffable, and a great and wonderful mystery.

I am reading up on what happened in the wake of Jesus, some 320 years after his death when they sought to determine the doctrine for this new faith called Christianity.  Clearly, and sadly, the words of these men who wrote in the wake of this council, reveal themselves as bickering old men, saying on the one hand that they were not concerned with the material while a sentence later being so rolled up in it that they were themselves were blind to what they did, or how revealed they would be, and how blind they were to how involved, engaged, in the things of this world.  These were the blind leading the blind.  They thought they knew what the truth was, for certainly they had the books to prove it, and yet its not so simple as that.  The truth will shine like a pearl from the depths, irregardless of the provenance or pedigree of the author or the person possessing the document.  The gold will shimmer amongst the sand, and no matter how good it all seems or sounds, if it does not touch upon this deeper awakening, it will exhibit a whole range of very strange ideas.  Once awakened, you can never be a part of that old blind life.  It strikes something into you.  It is the presence of an ancient and amazing presence and knowing that is beyond knowledge.  Eventually, all of us will know this.  Eventually in perfect timing, but in our world, which is rapidly reaching a place of great disrepair, one wonders if enough will reach it in order to bring forth an even greater awakening by the sheer numbers, the sheer weight of presence upon the planet.  They thought they knew the truth, but the truth is THIS. 

Beyond The Sorcerer

Ego in this world builds our minds
in such a way that we feel
that the structure of the world matters.
it matters insofar as it is an expression of the deeper origin
and union with that origin is what we are.
When we touch upon this origin
all techniques stop
all created things stop
and resolve in a moment of formlesness.
And while we are here to co-create, to learn to be creators ourselves
ask yourself:  what kind of creator do you wish to be?

Knoweldge will not help you
it gets in the way.
I have learned learned learned.....
and yet all of the descriptions
all of the techniques, methods, and incantations
are all just that; creations in order to push intent
and to create.
For as sacred at the most sacred religious symbol is,
it is but a creation.
The sacred pipe would be as powerful if it were made of pressed cardboard;
and my comment a heresy for those who do not understand the act of creating.
A seashell, a shoestring, a powerful thought; all are thoughts, all created, all potentially more
based on what we are willing to fill it with.

Wizardry is this, and it is in truth a trap of the ego and mind. 
It isn't that its bad, its that its another creation. 
It is a religion of sorts
and it is laden with dogma and rules.
If you touch upon the Origin
then you know
it goes beyond all forms
and yet
its presence radiates in all
and we can harness that energy in our lives
in a pure state of knowing and being.
Being a sorcerer requires you to follow rules.
A sorcerer must live his or her life according to a code
and this code is only as good as those who created it
and those who are magnetically attracted to it.
Be yourself in yours purest way and you need not depend on anyone to tell you how to be
or what to focus on
because all you need to know is in you.

You were born of a pulse of energy
whcih splits in our world
into what we concieve as the masculine and feminine.
Each of us is created through this yin/yang energy
and all of us carries the lineage of bliss
which only comes when the two touch.
It is this touch which is so important within you
and you do it without thinking.

Inspiration is the moment of this touch
when the masculine and feminine currents
touch and create something....a child....an idea....a movement.....
and all along you have freedom for what you create
so create in the highest.

As you do the "work" of surrender
to your higher self
you will discover so much falling away.
Your higher self knows precisely what you need
and what will bring you to unimaginable bliss.
We are taught that others must do this for us
but the secret is we can BE this bliss
and in so being
we can be healed
for the heavier vibrations will eventually fall away in the face of this bliss
if it allowed to travel through all of you.
The only rule
is to let go of what you thought was important
in this world
all of the sorcerery
the mental jewelry
the egoistic positions
and simply feel into yourself and ask to feel the man in you and the woman in you....
and perhaps these wont be so clear-cut
but perhaps more like an odd smattering of traits
but whatever the case it wont matter
because what you are is perfect for the moment
and at every moment
you could touch the bliss that is you.

Being a magician is great
but it wont let you plumb the depths of your being in totality.
TO do this you must become like a child;
clean and innocent of any prejudice or position.
Only then will you embrace the mystery that is life
and the depth of you will show how deep this can go.
"All the way" she whispered so many moons ago...