How You Can Change The World

I don't know about you, but feeling this gathering wave within,  I know that having shifted from that old form of being to what I have become, I sense deeply that the world can work differently than what we are used to.  Or were taught.

I am writing in my book about the concept of the Particle and Wave.  I am making these into the two phases of awareness:  Particle Awareness, Waveform Awareness.  Most of us experience Particle Awareness where everything we know is inside the bubble of our being, or soft-shell of flesh that keeps us from spilling out into the universe. This is who we were born as, and when we bang our finger it hurts me, not the horse eating grass in the field across the glen from me.   Ego helps us to discern between me and thee and a horse.....Our thoughts are our own, we do not hear others' thoughts. We think how cool would that be?  And we dream about being invisible and having special powers.

Then it hits.

The particle awareness is stretched and kneaded, seduced and melted through compassion, many particles piling higher and higher until the dam breaks and the waveform is unleashed upon us; kundalini awakens.  And when it does, our one Particalized self knows itself in a sea of other particles, creating a wave.  This wave is the All.  it is bliss, it is love.  It might scare the you-know-what out of us at first as he shadow side of the self is stirred up and dealt with.  Sifted and forgiven, the waters are clearer and there is this vast ocean upon which our individual boats float, and this is the dominion of the boundless self. We are both individual and boundless.  We begin to hear others thoughts and we know we have those cool powers....but all of a sudden, it doesn't seem so miraculous because now we are Waveform Awareness and this is pretty normal. We bend minds with the glint of our smile, a movement of our hands.  We do not wear capes, and we do not have funny masks.  But we are all unified through this vast wave.....and  besides, those powers are the result of having such a broad wave at our command.  But that is very cool because, well, a wave is pretty strong.    The very force of the universe, teased and unleashed to do the good that it yearns to be.  I know;  perhaps the wave only wants to BE.  We, individuals in the wave, see results, ramifications, and want to nudge and create and effect as a result of judgments that we make.  We dare to know what the wave wants.  Like the ripples of the wave on its surface can have any idea about what the ocean wants.  But perhaps we do.  Perhaps its to realize ever greater expressions of this love which is the wave in the world. Perhaps we can build these waves all around us?  Just by being?  Focusing?  Moving evenly together for the highest?  Thy Will Be Done?

But lets say these judgments represent a big shift for the better, for the race as a whole. Doesn't it seem possible to effect the world from the inside out?  Here we are, convinced that we must ACT upon the projection of consciousness that is what we see before us, our world (which some call illusory....I think its real....a real creation for our learning and benefit).  So what would happen if we were to act in consort to see something really big and good happen in the world?

"Thy Will Be Done."

Maybe we can add that whatever it is, that its good and juicy.  But no particular thing, just something to let us know that it was just us driving this wave of intention higher, some little clue so we can begin to point at it when it happens....and maybe feel a little silly for doing that, but juicy is good.  Just admit it.  Not juicy like Brad caught kissing someone or whatever...but like some really cool and amazing thing....but what I don't know.  The wave will know.  We wont need to wear masks or capes.  Just open our hearts, our souls and let the universe begin to flow deep and strong.

This idea has already seen some evidence as being possible.  There is something called the Maharishi Effect, a tested principle that shows that relatively small numbers of people in a given area who practice meditation, pray and feel peaceful and use intention to help see others around them as the same way actually has a statistically significant effect upon the local population.  What is most interesting is that the evidence shows that we only need on percent of the population to see a change.  I don't know if the research bears this idea out, but there is a lot out there about it....maybe I will wade through the numbers, but I like how it sounds.....but it feels as though this is so, that change can be catalyzed by a relatively few people to change things.  The wave joined with many teasing that wave into ever higher heights, drawing from intention, focusing on a desired result, seeking the highest.

When I awoke I can remember feeling this vast field of energies.  I knew these were others like me.  A family of consciousness like me....These were all seen as like lights,  stars in the sky, pulsing with the same Waveform Awareness.  Each pulse rippled through the entire net of stars.  I just knew we were all one with life, but somehow this sense of these awakened people on the planet had a feeling of startling presence.  Then later, as I began to learn more about this phenomenon, I learned that there was a veritable wave of others who were experiencing this and I wondered.....  So I ask; if we draw deep within the essence of this can be dredge the depths of it to push that wave a certain way....not in a way that we necessarily want but simply ask to happen.  Like saying to yourself "I want the very best to happen today for the world; whatever is in our highest...let's have THAT happen!  You, great wave, decide!"

There is not a time when you are not a part of this wave, nor a place where you are not. You are it and it is you.  Married to it, wedded from the most essential to the most obvious....speak to it, ask it to rise and it complies.  Drop deep into its comforting net, a supportive webwork of being and bliss.  Can we raise the vibration?  The pulse of life?  Will others awaken tomorrow? What could happen that is in our highest?

I think we have the power to change things from the inside out.  Like ourselves, forever changed, whisper to the wave and tell it to show you what it can do.  And believe.  And lets watch......while eating that sandwich, or tapping your fingers looking outside or as you breathe deep within, or when you lay still and deep in meditation tomorrow...

In our highest...

Golden Goddess

Goddess
flowing in blue
stands before me
her hands doing some dance
I later learn are mudras
blessings
she blesses herself
personification of the life
moving through her
bestowing blessings upon All.....

Her hands moving frantically
one position
another another
and more....
she looks at me
frowning
then fools me with a smile
a wave rolls from her
invisible
unfolding within me as its presence is known
like some supersonic wave beyond hearing
I see worlds packed within this wave
and then a profound sadness moves within it
I hear her heart speak as this wave moves
"will these things pass away?"
"Who will cherish what has been nurtured by my body?"
"Shall your world know this great secret I bear?"
"Who will awaken to my grace?"
Turning
her body glistens gold
her spirit as deep and blue as the ocean.

Her body turns away from me
looking into the heavens
she has this look like she knows the futility of it
beyond concern, beyond care
she balances on the wave of feeling
her body assuming a new position
as she weaves her endless boundless blessings
upon the universe
as wave after wave
created
worlds
crash
and reform
changing
new

The Book

I have gone back and forth on whether to include other resources beyond my own experience, and very recently I thought it was best that I leave them out and let the telling speak for itself, but I have been doing some research into some ancient texts and I find myself at a place where I can't help BUT include these.  The main reason for wanting to include these texts is to begin to show how when presented with the truth, we sometimes sweep it under the rug.  Are we interested in knowing the truth?  Are we at a place where we are ready to begin to look at this experience in a more clear-eyed way, unencumbered by belief and dogma, seeing instead the soul which transcends all philosophy, dogma, system, or belief? 

To see this pathway means setting aside what you were taught as a child, growing up, where the gospel or dogma of the time reflected a misunderstanding of how the inner self works and how an awakening moves forward in a way that it offers liberation.  You can be awakened yet still have within you those things that keep you a slave, a term that you will see being used in the book from one of these ancient texts.  They understood how karma creates a situation whereby a person literally becomes a prisoner.  They had a way of knowing how to pluck out this "vine" by its roots.  Everything that upsets you, bothers you, throws you out of your grace filled state is the result of these positions that live inside of you as if entities unto themselves, knots of congealed awareness that cannot see beyond itself and which will effect your own awareness and keep you in a mode where you are just reacting.  The final freedom which will reveal to you the greatest love in you awaits.  This process involves bringing a part of you, the Watcher or Observer into the picture.  Its a powerful ally in the refining process if you can listen to what it has to say, and the necessary posture it will help you to take inwardly that will allow those pesky emotional issues to fall away.  It means facing up to the truth and not being afraid of it.  By bringing compassion and love into the process, we no longer are afraid of how we might be seen or treated by others.  The need to be free at this point becomes an overwhelming desire because the bliss grows with each issues you let fall away from you.  Its effect also is instantly physiological since the energy of the karma now no longer exists within you and these things have a very real effect on your nervous system and body.  It depresses the flow of dopamine, serotonin, and other compounds the body produces that help to mirror bliss in the body.  Your body was made perfect to mirror the divine. 

Its time to wipe clean that mirror of yourself if you are ready....

....and now back to those old dusty texts that I will use to help to explain how the answer is within us and the process is simpler than we might think to find that promised land of complete union with the divine.

Nemaste

A Glorious Dawn

What follows is a remix by John Boswell from words spoken mostly by Sagan, and Hawking
At the end there is a view of the video.  I like how it expresses our evolutionary impulse to move beyond what we were to what we are becoming.  It is this impulse that is sometimes expressed in voyaging outward, but is just as relevant for our journey inward since both the world of the very large and the very small and hidden, are all part of a piece.  I hope you like the lyrics and give the video a listen-to.  The song is available on i-Tunes as a single which has become very popular. 



A Glorious Dawn

I'm not very good at singing songs, but here is a try.

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch
You must first invent the universe

Space is filled with a network of wormholes
You might emerge somewhere else in space
Some when-else in time

The sky calls to us
If we do not destroy ourselves
We will one day venture to the stars

A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the Milky Way

The cosmos is full beyond measure of elegant truths
Of exquisite interrelationships
Of the awesome machinery of nature

I believe our future depends powerfully
On how well we understand this cosmos
In which we float like a mote of dust
In the morning sky

But the brain does much more than just recollect
It inter-compares, it synthesizes, it analyzes
it generates abstractions

The simplest thought like the concept of the number one
Has an elaborate logical underpinning
The brain has its own language
For testing the structure and consistency of the world

A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the Milky Way

The sky calls to us
If we do not destroy ourselves
We will one day venture to the stars

For thousands of years
People have wondered about the universe
Did it stretch out forever
Or was there a limit

From the Big Bang to black holes
From dark matter to a possible big crunch
Our image of the universe today
Is full of strange sounding ideas

How lucky we are to live in this time
The first moment in human history
When we are in fact visiting other worlds

A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the Milky Way

A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the Milky Way

The surface of the Earth is the shore of the cosmic ocean
Recently we've waded a little way out
And the water seems inviting 

The Secret of Knowing the Future

The future can be known
but how this is done
is like a mystery
but not unknowable...
but tracing the lines as they will unfold for you
means sifting through a boundless sea of sand
each grain
a probability
to ponder
and choose.

Out of this choosing
in your future
spread a boundless sea of choices
you have already chosen
but which will you experience?

I have been dreaming the future since I was young.
Thunder Dreamers, the Heyhokah,
have the gift
and I was visited by them when young
a higher range of self
folding back unto itself.
The periodicity
linked to the new moon
was discovered
as a result of the sheer number of these dreams
offered within observation
the interconnecting principles....

Births, deaths, presidents, and world events.
I would not say I am a pro
nor pretend that I know what is behind it
except that
the moon and mass and self all play their parts---
our mass keeps us in one place
but in dream
we wander without that
and can travel through time
and find ourselves in other places
otherwhen
otherwhere but always where you are.

To do so requires a precision
like shooting a grapefruit with a bullet
that is flying through the air
as you too hurl through the air.
For as impossible as this might seem
it is not
for we are more than we realize
and can calculate
the pathway of stars
and plot trajectories
through time
with amazing accuracy.
What you need is that part of you which already is there
that knows the path taken
and to do this means you must step aside to let the larger
compose and crunch the numbers
to land you
on that pinpoint
out of endless ones.
And on the new moon, watch what you dream if you are inclined in this way.

Some dreams took weeks to come to pass
others took years
yet remained as fresh in the dreaming
as in the happening.

This shows that time is itself not linear
for to see with such clarity
is beyond imagining
but is held within knowing.
And if it has not happened yet
how then can such events be known in the detail they are shown?

Some part of time is not understood
for as linear as it seems
we are already there
and some part of it speaks back to us
and in dream
quiet moments
it is possible
to unwrap its secrets.

It is you, though
who must be the one to go
for no other can chart the course for you
because each choice you select can part the you I know
from the you I will know in the future
because our world is made up of infinite earths
each containing the repercussion of ever possible choice we could make
multiplied by every particle that ever moved or shifted through through course of time.
So if you can do that
you can trace for yourself
where the future 'you' now will know.

Its possible to get there
I have been going since small
and I am here to say
without mass
you can travel
through the many channels that will reveal what the future may hold
except in dreaming
we don't always know its the future we are seeing.

We Are All Unfolding

If you are to know what I am
which is what you are
look first
to yourself
beyond everything that yields you
and then to my great creation
the structure of the atom
dust mote
or a star in space

As you see the most powerful lightening strike
or the rush of rivers
and the collapse of worlds
as a cosmos pulls into itself
you will then begin to glimpse
in the crush of my gravity
the measure beyond which I am known.

Beyond you
within you
in your atomic structure
particles
their axial rotation
flowing from my love
which is my only will
which will spill out of you
and begin to pull your essence
into the seeming lonely emptiness of space
which is where still more of you exist
awaiting the time when you reach beyond
without snuffing out all life on your world
the test of becoming part of a larger world
linked to your own
by the very same
animating principle
where atoms build to make life.

I build from smallest of scales to beyond your concieving
but from this
I construct
through intent
structure upon structure
until at each level
something unifies
from single cell
to multicellular
and the being you know
the miracle being the everpresent being
always present
even in seemingly lifeless material
this is the illusion
for nothing is without life
for I am present in all
and when given the chance
will unfold into the life you know.

So look within for me
but be ready to look beyond
for I am in All
and in no place do I not reside
often hidden
for a time
from your view
all which was itself a seeming
and the path
you will take
to the stars
of your own microscopic inner world
to worlds beyond counting
which have all been cast in their own way
to experience my creation.

My creation is the field of your own playground
your elegant co-creation
where you may become as I am
as I have always been you.
Yet we will always be more.

Inside of you is a perfect diamond
but as though covered in dark cloth
your earthly self unaware of what you are
your own being hidden from view
this is how you were made by me
I buried within you
waiting for the time
when
breathless
you discover its brilliance
the love that flows from it
the  passion that it creates
all of this
a secret of what lies beneath...

I shall fill you and show you
the bliss I am
as I run through ever cell and nerve, every hidden place of you
that in this ecstasy you might seek to make yourself naked before me
that I may
like your hungry lover
behold you
and be filled with that joy that a lover feels
before entering the bridal chamber
so that when I watch you
as you slip quietly ever nearer to me
that your countenance might  shine like the sun
moonlike reflecting her lovers light in the dark night where souls are made lovers .

Let fall the dark cloak of your illusion
that this diamond that is your soul
may shine brilliantly in the world you call your home
and make a lover of you....
so that you may not resist but know the pleasure that is potent and flowing
in me
in you
like rays of the sun
like liquid honey
like the honey dripping from every pore of your body.

I have existed since the beginning in dual fashion
uncompounded
all forms
form me
all conceptions
lay before me.
I am they
they are me
through my creation
I may behold them
and awaken within them
consumed by me and filled with knowing
that the mother and father are one
in your Christed self
Your Krisna Consciousness
Your Nondual self
or any other ways you need to give holy breath to the image

Each of you will make a lover of yourself
shall disrobe before me
shall divest of all that has kept you from me
and this love that flows like the fire that is my soul
a terrible
compassionate fire
that burns away all the coverings you have fashioned in this life
so there is nothing between us
no arguments
no hurt
no sorrow
or pain
this slips away from you
as you realize in this simple moment
that you are mine.

My bliss will move over you
its lips like a lover
caressing every secret you ever made
and releasing you to a larger love
as my hands grasp you harder
as my bliss drives ever deeper
that you might be made mine
in this sacred marriage of souls 
that I may become like a mighty river flowing
through ever channel
every cell
every particle
every nuance of your being
in the holy aspiration of union.

I am bliss
I am the desire beyond all desire
I am the eternal hunger
a terrible but necessary fire
building within.
I embody bliss
I embody desire
an eternal hunger
and I have fashioned you
to become my perfect vessel
to hold my perfect truth
which will move like a riptide
masculine
feminine
together.
Inside of you
outside of you
join in this union
ultimate  worship
the only worship
I have ever sought
desired
or known.

Your lover may be a book
a glance
am atom perched in the air
of the masculine
in your womanly body
or the woman whispering from the depths
of your male brain.
I am in all of you
I am in everything
and we seek the union
one unto the other
the other unto itself...
a cloth perfectly woven unto itself.

So get yourself a lover
and look to the divine within them
and worship that one light within them
and you shall worship me,
if ever worship could have been called this.
Go forth to give love
to be love.

Become me
in every moment
with every breath
uncover yourself
a diamond ready to shine
my brilliance rising up from within you
so that no reflection ever wrought such beauty
but a fire that comes from within.

My fire shall consume you in my divine hunger for creation
its thirst shall never be quenched
or sated
as I the maker of all form
am formless
boundless
and constantly becoming
known through every particle
reflecting through an infinity.

Male for his feminine love
Feminine for her masculine love
my breadth is boundless
just as within you the masculine and feminine
reside perfectly
awaiting your full union
as this song of union spreads throughout all of creation.

Take off your dark cloak
let me gaze upon you
your skin glistening in the night
as my breath becomes your breath
as I take you apart
piece by piece
lovingly examining my creation
putting you back together
in a new way.

First an arm
then an eye
then a thigh
a toe
a spleen
an ovary
a testicle
all teased out from the scar tissue your unknowing has inflicted on your soul
and that I put perfectly aright
the divine mechanic
in the shop of passionate delight and rightness....

Each of you I do love
cherish
and hope
that you lean into the moment when you shall know me
as you feel the dark drape of your illusions slip away from your body
as I make you mine
and remind you that all that kept you from knowing me
has been surrender to the passion that is yours
and which will become mine.

Here,
my lips shall seek the brilliance of your being
as you awaken
you were always mine
and never was there a fall from your humanness
but more  a shameful waiting in false modesty
for the passion that you feel in this moment
ever WAS and ever SHALL be the very path
to the fire which burns in my heart
and which will press you to create worlds
beyond imagining
and a new life
born of that passion,
a child of this union
which shall itself be known
as it has ever been known
Christed, Illuminated, the secret of your being blossoming in the light.

Do not feel shame for your nakedness
for the wrongs you have thought you have made against me.
My creation
are not the evils your false priests and prophets have sought to instill in you
but were only a way to work through what had to be done
so that you could be standing before me
your skin alive
ready
expectant
for my touch
which shall render you light-filled
bliss filled
wanting more
and moving through your days
in the union that will be yours always.

My Creation was perfect
but it has been veiled
like a bride to her groom
a secret garden blooming
expectant
yet unknown
hidden within realms of truth
too bright for your veiled eyes to see.

Come.
Come
Come unto me
that we might be one again.
Moment by moment
my love shall be your love
and upon your lips shall flow
creations born of this one true Light
this one true love
so that none shall be forbidden a glance
a taste
of the fire which burns
and waits.

Books Excerpt 4

These are three separate pieces from the book, still in the process of being worked and re-worked..... 

We are ourselves dual beings. We come into this world with a sense of being individual.  This is what I call particle consciousness. We are separate, individual, and what we know, see, feel, touch, and experience is through the lens of this particle awareness.  This is the self that feels as though it is alone in a sea of other selves, all jockeying for position and for a better life.  Somehow, we never seem to get beyond our bubble except in very special circumstances.  Through empathy and compassion, and love, we can move beyond this self to begin to feel for others.  Still, this awareness can be very much bounded by the bubble that we are, resulting in experiences that are more solitary or isolated.  Our conception of what love can be can be limited by this sense of self as separate.  Within this bubble there is the mind and ego, and these deal very well with this type of awareness which is limited, individual, and bounded.  This is not to say that in your particalized awareness that you cannot feel empathy or compassion, you can.  However, the deeper flow of what this compassion is has a certain bounding to it.  Love is something we feel FOR someone most often.  When you shift from this awareness you realize there is a still larger love, larger than anything you have thus far experienced, and this love is not something that you feel whenever the object of your love is present or when you think of them, it is a continuous flow that moves through you. 

          There is another form of awareness or consciousness which I call waveform awareness or consciousness.  This is the innate ability for us to transcend the bubble of our particalized awareness and join or merge with something much larger, a collective of consciousness.  This is where we experience the deity, the Source of all life.  This is also where union with divine comes which sages and mystics have described down through the ages.  When we move from particle to wave, we also experience a shift in energy and how that energy effects us on the individual level.  For as long as the ego has trouble wrapping itself around the experience of the waveform, there is a kind of inner crisis that ensues in these kinds of experiences, especially when an awakening occurs that triggers what is known as kundalini energy (which is life force energy expressed as a wave).  Once the ego knows its place in the grander scheme, then this wave form consciousness can unfold more and more.  It isn’t that particle awareness is the illusion, but that it is simply one of the two states in which we exist.  They are in fact not dual but aspects of the same larger experience.  Every guru or sage or devotee who ever ascended into the rarefied air of bliss always had to deal with life here and now, and this has always involved some sense of individuality.  It is not good or bad, it is simply a way of experiencing a still larger sense of the universe and of universal being. Once particalized consciousness knows that it wont be blotted out by this powerful wave form, it then can learn to be more easy within it and ride the wave and learn a whole new way of being in the world.  This is not an illusion, but one aspect of experience, one in which consciousness has chosen to experience and is absolutely germaine to life here in this reality (despite what many might have to say about this).  One of the most important things for an infinite mind or being to experience is the world of boundedness and limit.  Then, by understanding what that experience is like, it can then learn to integrate the two so the seeming paradox is dissolved (as self dissolves into self, as the two become one--our next stage in understanding where this is all leading us). When you learn the art of the wave form consciousness, you can bring that boundless energy into your life to enliven it, and enrich it in unlimited ways.  

_______________________________________________

The Holographic World

It was the Summer of 2007.  I had taken my daughter to one of the parks in our town and as she played on the jungle gym I watched as she explored and played.  We had recently moved to the area and were just getting settled. I had been thinking of all the things that remained to do, and how we had stuff at our old home that still needed to be moved to our new place.  As I was thinking about all of this, I felt an intensification of the energy. I turned to look across the field to a bank of trees and as I did so it felt as if the world dropped out from under me.  I felt literally pulled along on some wild current  while I could feel the presence of kundalini quiet but suggesting   “Look at the trees.  Look at the world….”  I looked at the trees. What was happening? Something was compelling me, but what?  I was reminded of the movie Phenomenon where a simple man was struck by something that changed his life.  I wondered about that movie and as I did, I felt the Presence bid me to go deeper. I began to feel as though I was being led through a series of steps of phases or realms where there were all these different scales of matter and awareness and it felt like stair steps of a kind, or frequencies of something…..this was all very hard to put to word because it was all being felt.  At first I saw the trees swaying in the breeze  and thought of how these living things were enjoying life as simple trees, but then I felt myself hurdle into their leafy enclosures and saw a bustling city of activity within them, which were cell bodies at a given magnification.  I was aware that my awareness was able to make itself very small, infinitely small almost, in order to make some things appear big.  Then I was brought deeper still beyond the cell into molecular sized scales and even deeper I hurtled until I reached a place I suspected was not measurable by our standards.  The Presence was still there and it indicated that this was the farthest I could go without moving out of  physical reality. I stood there looking at an unimaginably small landscape that was nearly devoid of feature and instead had a milky haze which I took to be some field of energy, kind of like plasma in a cell body; undifferentiated but important in order to be a carrier for something.  This haze was not the result of still smaller particles as far as I could tell.  I was aware of some particles which were white in color but they reminded me as being like yin and yang symbols in that they contained the entirety of the universe in them.  How I knew this, I do not know, but in this world, it was all about perception through FEELING.  I discerned through feeling and did not know how I knew what I knew except that it was inescapably true.  As I “watched” these particles they began to display some interesting properties.

I could feel how they interacted with one another.  I understood that these particles were a building block of matter and themselves did not seem to have mass.  They did have energy and they did have a charge.  They showed to me that the entire universe is built upon this charge of negative and positive, that this charge moved all the way up through the chain of size and had its effect even on larger structures, and events.  I was aware that each particle had its own spin and that it mirrored another particle.  These particles, though, would wink in and out of physical reality as a way of maintaining their energetic dynamism.  It was as if these particles had to go to a zero point in order to move back up the scale of potential.  This itself is a pulsation, and these particles carried within them something akin to a mirror….except this mirror containes the entirety of all universes.  This was something that defied our understanding of space and time.  Further, these particles would move in and out of our physical reality and move into other realities, in to other dimensions. This was as natural to them as, say, a dolphin swimming so fast that it is able to jump out of the water for moments in time only to dip back into the water.  These particles could change their form without any care and since they were building blocks could be individual particles or they could join up with other particles like it in order to form all manner of things, from clouds to rocks to forming the foundation for events.  A particle might take up a given space only to wink out, but it was always phased in with other particles like it in the same space or similar spaces.  This activity was so fast that objects would not seem to lose heir solidity although it did occur to me sometimes to watch for a faint sense of “shimmer.”  While I knew that there was no way to prove what it was I was experiencing, I found it novel that I was, and I chose to let intuition be my guide. 

It was shown to me that these particles are in everything, and that their negative and positive orientation builds worlds, that this energetic principle was behind the soul connection and our waking up to our being as infinite and part of the universe.  I could see as the energy particles in one person would be attracted to those of the other person, that these particles had a way of locking into one another, but even more importantly that one particle acted like a key while the other acted like the lock.  Together they worked in such a way that they quite literally unlocked energetic potential.  This energy was felt as a tide of bliss, of sensual orgasmic energy building between the masculine and feminine in a way that I knew was true, that this was the truth behind the act of lovemaking, and which drove our relationships. This energy created bliss with just a look, with the power of its wave form rippling outward attracting everything with its larger over riding energetic.  I was astonished to feel into this world at such tiny scales what I recognized as existing at larger scales.  Later that night I looked up into the sky at night and felt the earth moving in its orbit around the sun and felt the tug that the sun gave to the earth, and how the earth itself had a child, the moon, tugging against her as they all moved around each other in a way that felt as though its was part of this larger soulful choreography. 

All of this was experienced without having read about concepts of a holographic universe.  I didn’t realize it at the time but this idea had reflections or echoes in the works of other contemporary thinkers.  I would wind up finding mirrors of this same experience in unusual places.  One was in the work of Jane Roberts who had a trance personality who dictated a number of very illuminating books.  One such book, The Nature of Reality describes something nearly identical in some respects, particles of energy which are a basic building block of reality. I would find out from a friend that the work of Eckhart Tolle as well as  David Braden in his books The Divine Matrix and the God Code contain similar concepts. 

No one told me about this experience, it was merely something that I experienced directly.  Within the very atoms of the material world is contained an energy which at first seems neutral to the particalized awareness, but comes alive when we come alive.  Quite suddenly it is as if the world is alive with this energy, and this energy is no longer neutral but alive and aware.  Within all of nature, within matter, are those keys that will help you unlock your own awareness here in the dream of your life.  Within it lies the secret of how the positive and negative poles exist and respond, how healing these poles within yourself leads to a unity of being.  You can see in the Gnostic texts how Jesus said that he was one with the Mother and Father.  This was the masculine and feminine currents within him.  IN the Hindu texts, they speak of Shakti and Shiva reaching a point of union.  When you do this, when you reach this level of healing you literally open the gateway ever wider for your higher being to enter into the moment as a very real and constant experience.  The more you resolve, the more you heal, the less reactive you are to the things in the world around you.  Then things that affected you before no longer effect you.  You are emerging out of a way of being that no longer serves you.  If you will listen the energy in all things will speak to you.  It might be the same simple truth over and over, but it can also reveal all manner of things if you but listen.  This is the birth of gnosis, or knowing.  It was as a result of my experience that I began to scour history for mentions of this and I was able to find them, but in finding them, I only found examples of others touching upon the same thing I did.  I knew what I had experienced was true and real, but I no longer needed someone to tell me my experience was real or true or correct.  This, we come to on our own.  Individually.  

__________________________

In my journey thus far I have had to forgive a host of people, all of whom who hurt me deeply at one time or another.  At first I could not conceive how forgiving these people could help me; after all, I was the one who was done wrong!  Certainly I was justified in my feelings!  Oh my, yes, but as long as that happens so much anger and hurt is kept active in your psyche that real healing is all but impossible.  Examples of the miraculous effects of forgiveness abound and help to illustrate what happens to us when we are willing and able to forgive.  When a heart is free of hurt it is free to love even greater.  The very act of letting go is central to an Awakening.  What seems like a threat at first becomes a blessing because all this experience does is freeing up room in your awareness of your own divine self.  This divine self is a higher state of being that already IS….and by freeing up your insides, you can glimpse this new and amazing world that is just waiting for you to climb on board to discover.  By being willing to let the past be forgiven as long as people were willing to admit to their crimes, Nelson Mandella was able to provide a way out of Apartheit, and was able to give his country a new direction.  While many wanted blood for blood, Mandella insisted upon forgiveness, and the country moved very quickly, in a revolutionary way, through this period in its history where an unprecedented shift in power from the powerful to the relatively powerless occurred.  Amazing.  And perfect.

         The effect that forgiveness has is like how it feels to be carrying a heavy weight all the time that is suddenly released. Because you feel justified in carrying around your victimhood, you don’t really notice too much how heavy the burden gets.  But its effect is very real on you.  Can you remember when you were a kid when you withheld forgiveness from someone and how it made you feel? I can remember having someone on my bad side and I can remember how hard it was to maintain my anger or hurt towards them.  I didn’t always realize it at the time, but when I gave up my hurt or anger or other negative position, I felt a feeling of relief.  I no longer had to maintain this angry state around this person.  I could forgive them and be done with it!  On one side is the feeling of holding onto hurt.  Its understandable that you were hurt by someone or by an event  that took place in your past. But what you may not realize is just how heavy that energy is of hurt.  Much of this is ego-related.  We feel justified in feeling hurt because of how important our own being is.  Surely your being is important, yes, but its greater good is not best served in holding grudges and hurts.   Its less that you say that your hurt is not important as it is that you simply recognize that the very act of holding onto it is hurting you and holding you back.  It isn’t that you give some silent validation to the act that served to hurt you, no, but that there is not going to be anything positive served in seeking to maintain this hurt in you, or to exact revenge or to somehow balance the scales by striking back at someone (whether directly or indirectly).  Forgiveness happens when the old argument inside of you can stop.  Never can forgiveness happen while you still remain embroiled in your own sense of investment in how you were hurt and how that hurt has to be righted.  The truth is the hurt is righted when YOU right it.  People will always do what their freewill moves them to do.  We cannot control others, nor can we even guarantee that the revenge or “justice” we seek will exact the proportional effect on that person that was done to us.  Yet, in our world, we are taught that this kind of justice is what balances the scales. 

The effect that forgiveness has on your physiology is huge. When we allow ourselves to feel relief, happiness,  and other emotions that can come about as a result of forgiveness what we are doing is literally changing our physiological responses to certain things in our lives, mainly our reaction to those things that keep us tied up in knots and steeped in karmic entanglements, and attachment.  By learning to cultivate grace in our lives, we are better able to forgive and move on instead of allowing our bodies to take the huge hit that this anger, fear, worry, sadness, or victimization can have upon us. The effect that this physiology can do involves, among other things, how cortisol burns through your body and eventually it can have an effect on your body’s ability to feel normal.    Forgiveness can also begin to wipe away karma because forgiveness is one of the few spiritual acts of Power that has as profound an effect upon us and our futures than just about any other act other than an act of Love.  Forgiveness is, in all truth, an extension of love.  By being able to forgive, we are learning how to love unconditionally, and the energy which pulses through the universe is such a love, something that animates without regard to race or creed or background or right or wrong. We all deserve to be supported and loved. We are all deserving of forgiveness and the new lease it gives not as much to the forgiven as it gives to the person who has withheld forgiveness.

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Book Excerpt 3

This excerpt, from the book I am writing, is from the beginning of the work describing the events that led up to my awakening.  I had about a six month period of unusual events that took place prior to the more complete and continuous flow of energy through my system.  These events took place beginning in 2006.

Not long after this, in early September, I had an experience where I felt as though some kind of message was being sent to me, but I could not make out exactly what was being communicated. This then gave way later to what I can only describe as a feeling of melting into a state of love and compassion. I felt as though I was being softened, or melted.  Along with it came a lot of emotion.  I was  moved to tears by the breadth of this feeling.  I became aware of a man and woman standing beside me, in the room with me, but they were not visible.  I tried to figure out who they were, but their presence was so obvious, so certain, I was left wondering just what this was all about.  As I looked into the area where it felt like they were, I felt this unfolding sense of love and joy.  For as off my rocker as someone might have thought I was, this was one of the clearest and most simple and sublime feelings I had felt in a long time.  I wondered what this all meant. My mind sought to describe, or explain it all as my feeling self soaked it up.   It felt like something was giving way inside, as though some barrier was falling.  Given how my life had been, this was a welcomed change even though it was not something I could not explain or put into any context that sounded sensible in ordinary terms.

Over the next few months I began to notice some unusual things, all mostly occurring when I laid down to sleep.  I began to see lights projected onto the walls, lights that looked like phosphorescent glows, lights whose source I could not determine.  At one point I tried shining a light through a window, thinking that perhaps that it was some distant car light or street light.  I found that the light could not reach the places where I had seen the glowing lights.  A shelving unit stood in the way, and try as I might, nothing rational made any sense.   None of this caused me too much alarm in the sense that there wasn’t a feeling of anything being scary.  All of this seemed like odd phenomenon, for sure, but absent an explanation that made any sense, I went about life as usual.

Then, in mid October, as I worked in the studio, I felt a sudden growing sense inside of me that I was somehow on to something.  I couldn’t explain it any more than that, but it was a very clear feeling, and it was one that reminded me of other instances in the past with brushes with what some would term nonordinary reality.  It was as if some trap door had opened beneath me cognitively and a whole stream of information was rushing in, but at first I wasn’t even aware of just what this stream was.  I kept feeling as though something inside of me was trying to tell me something, and I began to feel the first stirrings of what I would later know as an Awakening. 

This feeling was like a sensual, even erotic passion flowing through my entire being.  It was simple and very straightforward.  It had an innocence and directness about it that was hard to ignore.  It felt sexual, but it had a unifying quality to it which gathered my focus and attention in a way that served to bring me to a place where I began to feel the energy turn into thoughts, an experience that was nearly identical to my memory of the vision.  The presence in the storm emeged first as a powerful energy, and out of this energy came thoughts, and from the thoughts came words.  It was very much like  how a flower blooms first from a bud into a fully formed flower.  It also very much felt as though my imagination was connecting or interfacing with some powerful energy that I sensed deep down was the truest thing, even if it didn’t originate in the mind but the feeling end of my being. I felt as though my mind or awareness was being informed or aligned to this energy, but it wasn’t so strong at this point that I considered it much beyond anything but my active imagination, or an inspired moment.  Because of my work as an artist, I am used to being in the grip of a new idea, and follow the stream of inspiration wherever it might lead.  Within this, I felt a stream of knowing that focused on nature.  It brought with it a knowing that nature has a flow of passionate feeling energy,with it came the utmost certainty that plants felt the yearning for embrace that humans feel, that this was the very pulse of all life, that this pulse of life is in ALL of nature.  This served to animate all of life in a yearning to create, to become.  This continued off an on throughout the day until I felt compelled to put it to word. Once I had completed my work for the day  I sat down to my computer tand wrote.  I had a stream of words that poured out of me so fast, it was hard later for me to believe that I even wrote what I did as fast as I did, all with no edits. For some reason I typed in the time and waited for the words to come.  I was shocked to find they came so quickly, and glanced at the computer clock to see how much time had transpired.  The piece as written is below:

The Yearning

The fields are wet from rain after the corn has been harvested.  Trees slowly turn from green to yellow, then gold.  The air cools and the mind thinks back on days when life was brimming over and the air was thick with the smell of pollen.  The same corn, now nothing but stubble, stood gold and green with tassels swaying with the breeze, releasing its sweet nutty smell.   To some it was just a delightful thing  that marks the passage of seasons.  To me, its more than that.  It speaks of life seeking its own, making itself over; a new generation.  A yearning, a leaning toward the wind in the hopes that Nature will take care of Nature, and carry its life giving sweetness on the air to waiting seeds, waiting for that breath of life, that germ of passion that makes the flowers grow, and makes life turn ‘round once more in the endless cycles this world is known for.

Seeds and plants and pollen, all lean into passion in ways we can scarcely imagine.  For this is the glue that keeps life going.   For them, it must be pleasurable, a passionate act of giving, a release, an immersion into a mystery far older than our own known seasons, our own individual lives and experiences.  For this is the gravity that pulls them, moves them to continue.  How can it be any other?  Why then would life seek to replace itself through an act as perfunctory as the dropping of an apple from a tree?  No, the drop of the apple is not perfunctory, or a second thought, but part of a yearning to become, a part of merging with some larger dance.  If trees can’t feel this, then why continue?  Why go on?  Perhaps in measures we can only guess or imagine, there is some divine spark of wantonness, of passion and pleasure bound up within their shells of being.  How can it be any other?  Perhaps there is a secret life these rooted beings feel that is beyond our ken, beyond our too quickened ways.  We have been “beyond” these beings for so long that they are now “just plants.”  And yet, they are more.  They will speak if only you will listen, and they yearn to tell of this ancient dance, this incredible desire and passion bound up within every cell of their being, so it pays if you will only listen.

I know that seeds seek and yearn and hope and dream; dreams perhaps that are so different I could never scarcely imagine or see them for what they are.  And yet, it seems inescapable that these creatures, ancient as all of life here, yearn for the touch of pollen upon their seed pods and enclosures, waiting patiently for the bee to carry their spawn beyond them into other regions where others await the touch of the life giving sparks that enliven and awaken a new generation.  Even the warming caress of sun and drenching rain is an act of divine providence, or giving in a wheel that knows no end and no beginning.  Quiet and still, these beings mask their greater inner lives.

So even we do these same things, even we make this dance of longing and yearning, so old and ancient that its root can escape us as we are caught up as if in some whirlwind, some deeper dance both of passion and letting go as we give ourselves to life’s great mystery, to its passionate embrace, and longing that brings us to this place, this wonder filled state where our minds and bodies and hearts are excited beyond the normal trebling that life gives or provides.

To touch my eye with your eye, to touch smile to smile, or hand to hand, we join in this ancient dance, this passionate longing for life seeking to complete itself, and in so doing, complete ourselves.  Round and round we turn, like stars upon an endless wheel that rolls and ducks and sways in the lost night of time.  We are carried one by the other, some by our imaginings, some by the reality, but always by the same glue that keeps life turning turning back and forward at once, calling to the roots of what it was to the heavens of what it will become.

So as our hands embrace, our smiles merge, as face becomes face, and eye becomes eye; as flesh becomes flesh, we excite in this dance, this subtle movement first tentative, then more certain as we are gathered by the compass of its certainty, of its need to move as it moves, which is ever forward into endless days and tomorrows.

We came here as boundless beings who knew neither limit nor touch, and followed down into narrow pathways into minds of earthlings, like spirits on a cosmic voyage, we entered the world of limit and pain and loneliness, only to be called back by forces that were brought to bear in this world, moving us through realms of limit and bounding to that greater reminder that this is a dance of mystery, passion, and love.  In this love we touch the infinite, wrapped in that which pulls and grabs us like hawk talons grasping talons in a spiral dance of yearning, moving us one step beyond this one, seeking the divine, seeking the infinite.  10/13/06   -  7:30-7:34 p.m.

After I had finally put this to word, had saved it on my computer, I turned to leave the studio.  On my way home, I suddenly found myself driving past the turn onto our road to the house.  Acting on sheer impulse, I kept driving into town, just a few more miles.  I didn’t know why, but it was a spur of the moment thing. I wound up in a convenience store. I got something to drink and was standing there wondering why I ended up in this place.  I turned to look at the magazine rack.  Everything on the display was full of monster trucks, guns, weight lifting magazines, and all sorts of things I wasn’t interested in. I kept looking, though, and at the end of the rack was a spinning card rack that obscured the rest of the magazines behind it.  I peered around this display and saw in the far corner, completely obscured from normal view, one magazine on science.  I reached for the magazine and began leafing through its pages. In its center, there was a story about plants and the seeds they produce.  There were photographs of very small seeds shot at high resolution, and they were amazing to look at.  The story was how seeds get carried around, how their shape helped them to be dispersed, and how their pollen was spread, how the pollen itself was shaped so that it clung to objects, how it would ride the air for miles in the hopes of drifting into the waiting funnel of a flower, fertilizing it. I saw the phrase pop out at me from the page:  “When it comes to seeds, its all about sex.”  My jaw dropped.  Only hours earlier I had been writing about all of what was being described on these pages. I tucked the magazine under my arm and headed home. This was what would become the first of countless synchronistic events that would become a fixture of this experience.

During this time I used a technique a friend passed on to me which involved utilizing the healing effects of our own energy field.  I found much to my surprise that in rather short order that someone was turning on a light very suddenly while I was meditating, something that always brought me out of the experience.  I learned that I was causing something to happen inside of me that would account for these bursts of light, something that my friend who gave me the technique described as riding a quantum wave.  He wrote back to me excited saying “This is the experience of the quantum wave, and when you become aware of this happening, your attention in the moment serves to break that wave!  It’s a very tricky thing, I will grant you, but if you can learn how to ride this wave, it can be very healing!”

Not long after this, I  began to see strange phosphorescent markings on the walls at night. I began also to hear distant voices talking or singing, and these would keep up until I mentioned something about it, which always caused the particular voice to go away, to be replaced by a different one just days later.  These voices were always in the background and I could never make out what was being said.  None of this worried me too much since nothing about the phenomenon would suggest anything negative.  When I was younger I had heard voices on a few occasions and had lived in a house that had had a ghost that made breathing noises (which WAS strange).  The voices I heard were mild in comparison, so nothing about this part of the experience stirred any deep anxiety or concern. 

My dreams during this time began to take on a depth and intensity that was noticeable.  In one dream I followed a mountain stream to its headwaters where I found a temple. I knew right away that the water  was my spirit-this is one of my oldest and most dependable symbols in dream.  As I stood in this water I could see its colors swirling around me, bearing streams of light around me and filling me with a feeling  that  felt familiar but I didn’t know from where. I wound up feeling, instead, very curious about where this was leading, and if this was something that was somehow imaginary.  Being an artist, I wasn’t a stranger to the imaginary, and while what I was going through was miles from anything I could have come up with normally, I went along with it without any fear or significant apprehension.  

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