New Book Info

I wanted to let folks know that over the last month I have been going through chapter by chapter in the book editing material and making some adjustments.  I reworked the introduction with a possible second rework in order to condense it even more.  I have been through the first four chapters shifting material around and clarifying some passages as well as pushing some monster-sized content towards the back of the book in a final bid to decide once and for all if this extra material goes or if maybe the book is in truth three books or maybe two, or if I simply need to condense condense.

I am going to be working on a new rewrite of the introduction very soon to see if I like it better.  I have discovered that perspective is everything in writing.  What seems vital has a way of being not so important later. So we will see what I come up with and if I like the smoother slicker shorter introduction.  Once I get that nailed down, I will be posting it here.  If it stays pretty much as is, then I will break it up into two posts most likely.  If I can get it down to something far simpler, perhaps only one.

I am finding that the writing has evolved over the last two years and the way I was writing just two years ago about the experience has changed. Seriously, the change is for the better.  Sometimes writing material AS it happens is very different from gaining some distance from it.  The difference for me is in my ability to condense and simplify.  The simplicity simply does not seem to be as readily apparent when up close. I think this is partly due to its being so fresh.  Over time you have the opportunity for the experience to roll and tumble in the mind enough to find ways to keep it more direct sometimes.  But not always. I have been very glad that I had so many notes in my journal from which to draw, as this has helped me to use both perspective as well as the fresh experience together.  What is most apparent is just how much of a process this has been.  Its literally been a moving target in terms of perspective and understanding.  This book will very much be "as it happens" and thus is a snap shot of the process in what I would think would be an earlier stage awakening that moved along at a fair pace once certain things took place.  Even in the last week some new material has been coming up for me that has shifted my perspective about what this has been all about for me. Earlier on in the experience I could not see things in quite the way that I do now....particularly about the nature of belief and just how deep some of our dysfunction can go as it relates to concensus reality or old belief systems. Kundalini is unbending and continues to sweep and clear and then provide a different view than ever just a week ago. Or a year.  The only challenge in all of this is knowing when to leave well enough alone for fear of adding too many layers of the process to the book. Sometimes its good to be quick, tidy and get on with things.

I am trying to do both.

The book offers a view of this experience that is different from most.  It examines what moves us as humans, how we get caught up in repetitive memes, and how to break out of them.  It also shows that even in the midst of awakening we can get stuck on sand bars and that waking up is just the first step.  The process continues onward without end as we are driven forward in a kind of spiraling fashion towards our Essential Being or Self. While some of this can happen in a glimmer, there is still the backlog of material that needs to be removed. It deals with methods to cope with kundalini as well as a few pieces of poetry from this blog. It looks at how changing the nature of belief can return you to a more natural state and that its possible that our baseline being was perhaps meant to be one in the awakened state.  I don't think its a big mystery why we do not experience this as a normal course of our development in larger numbers, and I suspect that more awakenings will continue to take place.  The book examines several foundational elements for working through this experience in a way that will bring you a fuller life.  These elements are grace, forgiveness, karma, and the higher self integrating higher order energy into the day to day experience. i discuss grace not in a religious sense, but relate it to a human experience that we can all relate to.  Grace did not come along once the bells were tolling in the churches, no, grace is a fundamental state of human experience and its not an esoteric state or one that is hard to feel into or to embody. I illustrate how grace can lead to the inspired state that can leave you feeling so much more able to release age old material and soul wounds from the heart mind and soul.

We just had a fierce storm here this evening.  So fierce that we had wind gusts that must have approached 50 mph.  My beloved old silver maple, with its cleft at its base which suggested to my daughter that it was an entrance into the underworld of fairies is not lying on the ground, taken out by a giant gust as I stood closing the window after the computer nearly skittered across the front porch. I will be working on clearing that for the next few days but tonight, with the electricity out, but a spare battery on hand, I will be using what juice I do have on the intro rework so I can get something onto the blog that I am considering including for the intro.

Goodnight everyone!


UPDATE:   10/26/2012

Whew!  Let me tell you, working on a book is more work than you might have believed. I have taken a large 1400 page manuscript and condensed it down to about 500 pages.  I was told by an editor that because of how wide my margins were and the size of my fonts and spacing that I had several pages of a "cut" book on each of the pages I was writing.  I am working on this, and it is like building a house only to whittle it down to a cottage.  How do you make a castle into a cottage, I ask you?  I have to be so terribly concise and be entirely on point and organized!  The book emerged from a journal and bears that genesis, but now must be something more.  With less.  I am working with an editor who will tackle the work of first reading portions of the manuscript and then later will be helping me to sharpen it into a book proposal.  Since I could easily spend many thousands of dollars having her work on it for me, I am trying to get the heavy lifting done and simplifying it so it still gets the job done.  Everyone tells me I should write several books.  I honestly can say that I don't know how to cut the book up in order to do that.  The story is part journey through awakening and also using myself as an example for pointing out some important things that can serve awakenings that sometimes came hard, easy, and also fell from the sky as if on cue. It is part story, but part lesson.  I would like to keep that sensibility in the writing.  I often dream of having a group of people work with me the same way I used to attend critiques in art classes.  We would all sit around and offer suggestions based on our take on the work. Sometimes things we never considered emerge as possible opportunities.  I am now working with the trimmed version and writing it from scratch again using the old version as a template I need to distill even more.  It makes me wish I could just write the book from start to finish without having edit much.  Boy wouldn't that be great?

Return of the Goddess

Today I came across a lovely image from the Hindu tradition....

Very nice. But there is a little problem. Why isn't the woman who is sharing in this moment have a halo, too?  It doesn't seem fair. Why wouldn't she be just as inspired as he?  Or as vibrant?  We think of halos as something that confers divinity, but I am here to tell you that this is not correct.  This is a belief.  The belief has no founding in any real truth.  Everyone puts out energy.  Everyone.  And everyone has an aura.  Everyone.  Some are stronger than others, and perhaps an enlightened being's very presence could get you seeing them because of the presence of their spiritual truth.....but its no reason why a woman ought not have on either.  Its no reason why gods and goddesses can't be on the same footing. Its a lovely image, this man getting ready to play beautiful music to his beloved.

So I took the halo and reworked it in photoshop.  I thought, this is what this image needs.  I recreated it in a more realistic light.  So the male has this lovely green aura.....a very healing energy, no?  And I gave the goddess a violet aura, very intuitive color, very spiritual too. Perfect.  So here they are, as they should be....Enjoy!

Beyond Belief

Everything that you are in your psyche is a collection of values that are based in belief.  The curious thing about belief is how little we actually bother to learn the root of any belief.  Everything about my experience with kundalini is about shedding those beliefs which have limited my experience.  The beliefs I held were also a mirror of my own karmic entanglements. Subtly and overtly, my beliefs moved and turned in me, effecting my thinking and informing my reactions and feelings.

Karma is a curious thing. Its like belief in how blind it is. It shares a lot with belief in that it is often accepted without conscious awareness and is carried without being aware of it, and yet it has governed so much of what we say, do or feel.

It's also curious that sometimes you can shed a karma by being willing to look at how it has blinded you.  The effect karma has is that it makes you see only what the karma is about.  So lets say that you feel like someone doesn't love you.  You believe this is true, and the source of this karma has to do with self esteem, which goes back to self love.  As Alison Neville, a great teacher and writer in her own right once said, all karma goes back to self love.  No matter how far afield it gets, the trail always leads back to self love.  So in this inability to love yourself and know yourself to be perfect and lovable, you then see how someone has a deficiency in their behavior. You SEE it as deficient, and you see this as reflecting on you.  This deficiency in another reflects on you, so this must mean that they do not love you.  And so off you go believing this is true while all along you have not looked more deeply at why this is so.

I was one such person. I had some bad experiences as a very small child.  A baby, actually.  This affected me so that I didn't bond properly with my mother. I grew up angry at her because of something I didn't get.  I was wounded. When I was able in the midst of my awakening to step back far enough, I saw a very different picture.  Instead of merely trying to connect the dots to make my own weird picture of life, I began to understand that life was hard back then and my mother was doing her level best with a very bad situation.  It did affect how she felt to me, it did affect how attentive she was with me.  Yes, yes, yes, to all of it.  Yes.  But it did not mean she did not love me.  In truth, she cherished me.  I was her youngest, the one who was perhaps having the hardest time making sense of all of this that was happening. So I grew up with this feeling of separation, of having been treated different, the whole nine yards.  In truth, I was not able to simply love myself and know I was okay.  If I had, I might have been a bit happier.  I might feel less wounded.  In truth, I saw what I wanted to see.

Belief is the same thing.  It is taken on almost automatically without regard to questioning it or giving it any kind of road test.  We don't stop for one moment and consider why it is that we have religions and countries full of people who believe that we are dirty or fallen, sinful, or that certain aspects of our own creative beings are bad.  Like sex.  Its dirty.  Its only to be used for procreation.  Anyone want to hazard a guess as to why this notion was promulgated in the first place?  Is it any surprise that there was a demonizing of the old religions which were based on seeing the god and goddess within each person?  Here, the highest sacrament was Heiros Gamos.  All of that went away when Christianity came along. There are similar strains in the HIndu tradition as well.  There is this attitude that sex is bad.  The man who translated the Bhagavad Gita As It Is has expressed this view quite clearly when the book was published  in the early 70's.

An awakening will challenge you top to bottom, tip to toe.  Nothing is left alone.  It keeps pushing.....returning you to a more natural state. But as long as we fear any aspect of sexuality or any aspect of our selves at all, we just wont "go there."  You have to be willing to examine your beliefs from the most subtle to the most overt.

Writing in my book, I explain how we have a triadic being.  While we have a dual energy system of what could be called masculine and feminine currents, we also have a processing system for that energy that is based on the fact that we have three brains in one brain. Yes.  Three.  We have a part of our brain that is identical to a reptilian brain.  If you look at this part of the brain it is no different from any other reptile in shape and proportion.  This is the part that is capable of processing a certain range of experience.  These are what we would consider our base instincts. This is the fire of pure sexual energy.  On top of that brain is a mammalian brain that is identical to most mammals across the earth.  This part of our brain deals with higher order expression and experience and allows us to feel kinship, togetherness, and compassion.  It is in this part of the brain that we bring up the energy from the reptile and refine it.  But concurrent with it is still this very pure energy that is streaming in from the cosmos, so unless you either deal with it or ignore it, it remains a challenge if your beliefs tell you that pleasure is bad or wrong, or even sinful.  But in the latest unfolding, we have what is called the primate brain, and this is the part of us that makes us, so we are told, so different from all the other mammals.  We not only thing about the clan or family group, we are able to reflect on the inherent good of something for the whole.  So instead of small groups, we can contemplate how something might affect a nation or world.  This is the most abstract part of the brain's processing capability (at least this is what we suspect thus far), and it is here supposedly that we are able to realize the higher range of experience of the cosmos in our crown, in our forebrains.  Here, we have a mirror of the higher forms of bliss. Its a step up in this three step ladder I am talking about.

In the energy body there are these same corresponding octaves as well as seen in the root, heart and crown.  These are perhaps some of the most central of the seven in many respects.  They all ultimately go together as a unity in order to draw all energies upwards into a higher realization. We say the lower energies are less somehow, but this is only due to bias and belief.  Its also karmic.  Without the root, we do not feel the power found in the crown.  Without the crown, we cannot know the power of the root.  But in denying any of it, we turn a blind eye to its importance.  Its in bringing the entire energetic self into a unity that we realize the fullest potential of our beings.  This is based in bliss.  If you have beliefs that feeling this kind of bliss is bad, then there are naturally some hurdles that will befall you.  Even the seeming lower base energies are all important in the overall unity. Without them, the bliss of kundalini simply would not be. It would instead be something of a corpse, a being with a half life. When we seek to sideline one aspect, we create more problems for ourselves. We limit our fuller experience. While the power of awakening will fuel a great flame in our spirits, it will only reach but so high or only so broadly.  By not bringing fear into it, you are free to experience it in its fullest dimension.  You are free, then, to return to what we were before all this demonizing began and the sacrament of heiros gamos was experienced in its fullest.

From the moment kundalini touches you, you experience the very essence of union.  Shakti does not have to travel upwards to meet Shiva in the crown. They are already connected from the very start.  Their union IS the bliss as it travels upward both literally and figuratively. Its only in pulling them apart that kundalini stops. But once begun, no human WANTS it to stop.  This is the Divine Marriage and it begins within the self. The self is healed and brought to a place of unity first.  Not after something else happens outside the self.  The universe must be known for what it is first within you, and then from you, it will unfold. From this seed, the universe is planted and grows anew. This is how the world is healed, one person at a time. It is not through conquest, or through manipulation.  It is not by having a crutch of any kind, be it a religion or family or any of the rest. You are like the orphan spoken of in the gospel of Philip that inherits the world.  And indeed you do.  But first, within you this great mystery must unfold or else what you have is a corpse.  Seek the kingdom first. It is within you. And it is first by making the left the right, the right the left, making the female into the male and the male into the female (Gospel of Thomas).  It is here, in this unity of the self that the true healing takes place. 

Solstice

Marking time has been an important part of being human.  Understanding how the passage of time effects us, binds us, moves us, has expressed itself in creating all kinds of ways of marking time.  We have earthly calendars made of stone, buildings that line up with stars that count the precession of the equinoxes.  Today with our Julian calendar, we forget sometimes the daily rhythms of  earth and nature.  We spring from nature, are a part of it.  Its great truth moves in our veins every second of the day.  The electromagnetic field of the earth which pulses and moves, protecting us from the solar wind mimics our own inner magnetic fields created from the iron rich blood in our veins building this field around us. We are a model of the earth with its molten core.  Our own cores made of iron rich blood helps to build and propagate this important field in our bodies. It is what gives our presence a constancy here on the planet. It makes life possible in the way that we know it. This energy field in our own bodies caries information all through it like a vast nervous system and it is a field that can be seen by sensitives in what is called the human aura. Since we are made up of this electromagnetic field and operate within its guiding force, tapping the planetary flow of information simply is not foreign to us.  You very likely haven't had enough experience with it to be able to identify it when it does happen to you, but if you were to spend a day or two with me I think I could easily point out a couple of instances in your experience where I say "There; what you were just describing....THAT was your feeling something in the flux flow field of Gaia....Mother Earth...."  This is where you would cock your head realizing this sense is not a thing, but more a way to feel.....and this is what keeps this thing often so elusive for the simple fact that they often can't or wont trust their feelings or anything that seems to transit the gateway of their imaginations.  Like a giant magnet, we are in its flux flow.  We are all part of the other.  We are a cell swimming in a sea of planetary cells within the heart of the cosmos.  And if you think that sounds like so much mystic mumbo consider that some of the leading physicists of our day are beginning to come to the same conclusions. The world is far more fascinating a place than we every allowed ourselves to even glimpse. What if, as the ancients have been asserting that everything we see is but one small part of a living breathing awareness that we sheepishly try to call god or goddess or any number of other names?  I know; it can get hard when someone is suggesting a different name than the one that your family tradition has held to for generations.  We are nothing if not creatures of habit but in a world where our understanding is rapidly advancing and evolving, our understanding of what our deity or source of all life is to us should be expected to change too. For myself, I see the deity as a huge flux core of immense energy.  Maybe a bit like the sun.....and like the sun only gives without any need for return.....

So it is with this day, the marking of the Solstice, that I pause to consider how the turning of the days can keep us rooted and grounded in the rhythm of life here. However we each choose to see it, however we each choose to allow its broad meaning to flow, we are all bound in this world of cycles and circles. Sunrise, sunset, equinox, solstice.  All are part of a vast clockwork that is our lives.

For myself, this day coincides with reclaiming of personal power.  For me, in this longest of days, the greatest of light, I reflect on how I have sought to help others while being blind to my own short comings. I have sought to take power from others in what I mistook as some grand gallant gesture of generosity and kindness. It was neither kind nor gallant. Some grain turned in me which I felt for in order to grasp instead of resolving.  Perhaps I needed to reap what I sowed in order to learn from it.

The universe is ruthless.....unbending. The Law of Karma tied into the Law of Attraction served perfectly to bring me those who were just as unresolved in their lives as I was in mine. In being unable to approve of myself for myself, I sought to find that approval in others.  By doing this, I took their power for safe keeping and they took mine.  We never owned our own power.  When we do this, the universe has a way of catching up to you. It isn't that we do not care or love others.  We just can no longer love through such weaker means. It is like a house built on an inexact assumption about how the universe works.  When you do that, the house will fall.  And by rights, it SHOULD fall so that you can built it on the right foundation and in the right way from the start.  It was when I chose to begin doing things the fair and right way that all hell broke loose. But that is okay, because I know had the shoe been on the other foot no one would have expected me to have behaved as they did.   By taking another's power, I set myself up for failure, you see.  The truth is, no soul can care for the soul of another in this way.  We like to think we do, but in all truth, we are here as companions along the way, inspiring and offering alternate ways to see the world, but we never do the work of anothers' soul.  When someone expects us to do that, to bear them joy, it means they themselves do not know how to feel joy within themselves on their own and will be pointing fingers at every person they feel has failed them when in truth, they were responsible for their happiness all along.  This is the authentic path, the one of heart and the one that is perennially true.  We must take responsibility for that for ourselves.  The knight in shining armor has been slayed and all the dragons he would have killed have been allowed another day of safety.  For it is the maiden who learns to slay her own dragons.  It is she alone who must find her own truth.  If the Knight comes to save her, he also saves her from her own great discovery of herself. We steal another's power and tell ourselves we are doing them a great favor. I give you my power, you give me yours and we think its all perfectly fine.  Its doomed to fail.

When we allow the broken birdies to heal themselves, we allow the Law of the Divine to work perfectly.  They wont go willingly and will continue their chirping for another to come along to save them most likely, but for those who seek the path of the enlightened, you have to leave those birds, blessing them and wishing them well.  This is because a new day has dawned.  It isn't that you do not have compassion for the world, it is that the divine in each of us is Never fostered when we carry anothers' weight.  I know what the Christians have to say, maybe we will get to that issue on another day.....But when we do this, when we take responsibility for ourselves emotionally and spiritually, We invite personal spiritual responsibility to grow.  We each live our lives for ourselves as we heal and touch the divine each on our own. We cannot simultaneously reach the divine while holding someone else's story in our hands.  We must find it for ourselves.  And in finding it, and owning it, we reach a place where we ask the universe to align to that vibration rather than the old vibration of possession of another's power. Possessing another's power means they are effectively powerless.

When I first met you, I read your field perfectly.  In that moment I had the choice to question how deep a scar I saw in you.  In your home, alone, I felt the ghosts of all your questions, hurts, frustrations, anger, and hopelessness.  I felt so positive, so hopeful.  I thought I could instill this in you, to give your life meaning.  What I did not realize was I would seek to give you meaning through my generosity so that you would approve of me. I showered you with great gifts, gifts no other person had ever given. I told myself I was a kind and generous person.  Surely I was a great man.  I took your power in this exchange as you entrusted it in me.  But because I was not perfect, because I had not been aligned in the right way, I was doomed to fail. And you were doomed to be dissatisfied because of how willing you were to hand your dragon slaying power over to someone who had no business holding it.  This made you weak, and it made me weak. We leaned upon one another's weakness and here a long cycle of dysfunction turned for years and finally unravelled like a big knotted ball of string. We made a fine mess of it.  I told myself I was victim to every arrow you sought to slay me with, all the while I was holding your power.  How could you ever be strong and true to your spirit as long as I enabled you in this way? You and I were like oil and water, held together only through karma and hopefulness.  That is a poor yoke with which to hold souls together.

So I ask the universe for forgiveness for all that I have unknowingly done.  I did not understand.  I am sorry. Please forgive me, I ask the universe. I go back to that house where I first met you and I lay down your power, all responsibility for it, and lay it back at the start of that first thread that began between us and ask the universe to please accept this plea for forgiveness.  I give you back yourself.  I should have never thought I was responsible for it. I now entrust you to you. I do not fear what may become of you, for you are like me; immortal. We each must learn our lessons on our own merits and not through the merits of others.  We can share in our paths, but not by taking the power of another.

I have seen how this lack has attracted others who all exhibited the same characteristics. In their own ways, they sought to hide from their own ultimate responsibility, giving me an in to their own wound, their karma. In some measure I tried to set the world right, but the only world I set right is the world within.  It has always been our task to do this. When we don't, we enter into an unholy alliance that is doomed to fall. Every one has been a perfect mirror until I have learned that I must first know who I am deeper down. Not through another, not because of another but because of me.  Not to be alone, not to be hardened against the world, but to simply let this incredibly unusual self that I am to shine in the world without fear of any one else not approving. Only I approve of me, only I can love myself. Only I can feel the love that is the universe shining in me to finally reach the light of day.  Not because of another, but because on an individual basis, we much each find the god and goddess within us.  If we seek to have another do that work for us, we invite whatever shadow that rests in us to grow stronger and we forget the greater truth shining in us. instead of carrying the power of another, we inspire others to carry their own. You can do it.  Its in you to do this. And once this is done, then we look at the world and consider perhaps for the first time the view through clear eyes and ask what is in our highest to mirror. We have spent lifetimes mirroring in the shadow land, not I are free to mirror in a world of light.

To me, Solstice is bringing the greatest illumination into the world.  It is reaching a place of illumination within.  Being able to see our own foibles within the bright light of the world. For me, it is a chance to stand back, to be honest and clear-eyed.  How does the turning of seasons help to remind you of your own inner seasons and changes?  Your body, springing from nature, is connected to nature.  Listening to that nature is for me a far more honest and integral truth than any dogma or system could ever hope to offer me. For me, right now, its about reaching that place of zero point, which is our "primal self" which has nothing to do with being unrefined.  Coming back to center, and in coming back to center, a marvelous opportunity to begin asking what I am beneath all the blankets of hurt from the past in order to know what my inner truth is.  Well....don't I know this already? Can't I feel this world within surging up with such bliss and wonder?  Haven't I felt this my whole life long?  Casting them off and focusing on our most essential selves, our own true essence without fear of how we might look or seem, is important.  It is to me.  I finally realized that I had to accept myself and no longer try to run under the radar.  Perhaps the world would not understand, perhaps the world would reject it.  Perhaps. But I alone have to remain true, and the truer I am, the magic in all of this is that I am led to a place where I can mirror something new. I am free to mirror my own divine truth in my world. Not through another, not because of another.  And once I get right in myself, then who knows what can happen. Who knows who else will be inspired to do the same.

~Nemasté~
 - Parker

Individuality

Waking Lucid Dreaming

I have discovered that a method I have used in the past for inner work which as it turns out is one that has been practiced by Tibetan monks.  They use it apparently to enter into a lucid state where they can direct dreaming.  While I am sure that this will work and will work for a range of things,  I'd like to tell you about how I came across it as well as to relay its use to you perhaps so that it might be of some use to you in your own inner work.

I find that in the afternoon, around three, I tend to get very tired.  Not just tired, I sometimes get sleepy. Not always does this happen, but enough for me to have taken what I thought of as a power nap.  These power naps had some interesting side effects or features....

What I found was that I could trick my brain into thinking it was falling asleep.  My brain would literally shut down if I sat quietly long enough.  This always helped when I was tired and just a tad sleepy. For some reason, this has only worked during the day for me, not at night. The Tibetan technique involves waking up after five hours of sleep and then going back to sleep without actually falling asleep.  Perhaps my method will work better for you if you find yourself feeling sleepy during the day.

What I do is I feel myself getting sleepy.  I will sit down most often.  I do not lie down because for me this will signal I am ready to fall completely asleep.  I think I need something to keep me ever so slightly aware so I do not drift off completely and then start to snore (really asleep).  Sitting up does the trick. I will let my head go forward and I will kind of slump down all comfy in the chair.  I have found I need about forty-five minutes worth of time before the curtain drops.  I need enough time to allow myself to get very relaxed.  During this time I let myself drift and I am very still through all of this.  After a certain amount of time something happens. I feel the curtain drop. What this is, I always felt, was my brain going into another brain wave pattern.  Being awake I can observe its effects and for me its quite clear.  I get a buzzing feeling in my body somewhere around my head. It feels like some part of me is literally shutting off or tuning into a different frequency much like how you tune a radio from a station into static. If I can simply let this curtain drop, this heavy wall of static buzz, I will feel myself shift into something else. this something else feels wide open.  It feels as though my consciousness has shifted gears.

The result of this is that if I wake myself up, I will feel as though I have had a couple hours of sleep.  I feel completely refreshed and I no longer feel sleepy in the least. The brain has decided it can check out, turn off a certain channel of waking consciousness. I used to use this method for doing a power nap.  I never really fell asleep and this was better than having to lie down for a bit. The trick was I had to feel tired during the day.  This got me feeling like I was falling sleep except falling asleep during the day is hard for me actually.  However, if I can couple sleepiness with some degree of alertness while being very still, this normally happens for me most times than not.

So a power nap.

Fast forward a few years and I am in the midst of an awakening.  I am having a hard time.  I am smack dab in the middle of a dark night of the soul. I was having some real egoistic problems what I call a contraction of consciousness into the individual awareness. This is actually very hard. It feels as though your energy is being frozen or solidified after having been flowing like water. It creates tension in the subtle body that gets translated to the body as physical pain and a certain degree of anxiety and dread.  Not the greatest feeling as you might imagine.   It was afternoon and I was struggling.  I sat down in a chair and let myself drop off the edge of the ocean.  As I did this I noted that I was doing that sleep trick of mine.  I though maybe this might make me feel better. So I let it go.

As I let go and drifted and interesting thing happened.  I suddenly felt as though I was out of my body. I was near my body, slightly above it looking down.  As I did, I saw my body being suffused in a yellowish honey-like substance that was like a halo or aura. It had a thickness, a substance to it as I felt its energy all around me. I was aware of this happening and felt as though the energy field that was surrounding my body was of a character that something was clearing blockages in me.  Then, in the usual way that these things tend to happen, I stumbled across some article somewhere while not looking for it that described how this higher order energy will present itself and that this golden glow is often connected to bodhi's or enlightened beings, something that they carry. I don't think I am a bodhi of any kind, and I think in truth that whatever this energy was it is a natural result of where one is in awakening.  We tend to want to attribute certain significance to these things sometimes, but my sense is that as we all move into these realms of our larger self, everyone will begin to experience similar things.

When I exited the experience I no longer felt harried like I had before.  I had really been having a hard time with this contracting energy that was making me feel horrible. I felt bad for feeling it.  I felt a kind of shame, like I should not be feeling this way.  I learned that this is just a step along the process of becoming, and there should be no shame in that.  We are all realizing what we are deeper down and any efforts towards that is laudable.

This technique apparently can be used to enter into lucid dreaming while awake. You simply stretch your arm out of your body or roll out of your body and you are now in the dream body and can direct your experience.  I suspect that this would wind up being something akin to an out of body experience, but I also suspect that the dream world and astral travel are one and the same.  The difference is that the dream body is creating imagery which is naturally symbolic and helps to relate deeper information to the waking consciousness in the form of dream imagery. If "awake" I also suspect that one may experience a combination of dream and waking imagery, or one may also have no imagery at all.

When I cam across the article discussing this technique which the Tibetan monks had used for centuries, their suggestion was to do this after having slept for about five hours in order to keep from falling too deeply asleep.  This might work for some people.  For me, I think my tendency has been to simply fall back asleep.  I will say, though, that the bulk of the experiences that I have had during awakening involving beings who have come to aid me have all come very early in the morning around 4:00 or so.  I suspect that it is during this time that I am exiting an active stage of dreaming and entering into a more silent state of rest.  It may be that if your sleep patterns are the same, this kind of timing may work for you.  You may want to give both a try, especially if you can take an hour "nap" in the afternoon when you are feeling sleepy or tired, in order to see how both work. 

Sidhis, Energetic Entanglements and Awakening

I was just sitting out on my porch taking in the cool night air and something came tumbling down into me, a kind of realization. Its a simple one, and I am going to share it with you.

You have two parts to your awareness.  In truth, there aren't two parts, but they have been partitioned off as a result of past hurt and trauma.  One phase of your awareness concerns itself with individual awareness while the other involves itself with a much more far reaching realm of awareness, something that I call Waveform Awareness. Like the particle/wave duality in physics, these two aspects behave in much the same way as particles and waves.  Your individual awareness tells you that you are individual, a discreet particle of awareness separate from everything else.  For as hard as it may be to believe for some, there is another awareness that is experienced during peaks awareness and in the midst of awakenings that reveals a very different and much broader landscape of consciousness.  The challenge has been even knowing that this waveform awareness even exists let along how to anchor it in awareness in any meaningful way.  Absent this, most people are utterly convinced that the particle form of awareness is THE way we conduct business here. But that isn't so.  its been the mainstream, but this is rapidly changing as more and more people begin to have experiences in nonduality, ascension symptoms, kundalini, awakening, or any aspect of this phenomenon that is very much part of the human experience, albeit somewhat hidden from view for many.  What has happened to partition these two parts of from us has been how our old hurts have caused us to turn away from waveform awareness and by definition, also from the Source of All Life.

These hard feelings I am talking about literally lodge themselves in your body.  They are attached to your awareness, and they flow from the nonphysical self all the way down into the flesh (since its all connected and of one piece even if it seems to you that it is not).  These hurts or issues are not just contained in the brain, but literally reside along your energy body, subtle lines of force that are known in eastern traditions as nadis and meridians.  The brain is a recording device, so yes it registers the event, but there is more to it than that, and we now have a lot of evidence to support this claim.

The larger energetic reality of what you feel and know is contained all through your being.  We know this even though science has sought to suggest its all the brain. We KNOW that we "shove" things down.  We ask what our heart says.  We know that trauma can be relived when its released through deep tissue massage.  The same happens when the brain is massaged or stimulated in certain places  I felt this once during a massage that involved a part of my body that had been injured that was also involved in feelings of having been betrayed by people in my family.  When I was hurt I was treated rather harshly for needing to take time to heal.  I carried this in the shoulder without knowing it and felt it exit during the massage. Our bodies, our energy bodies, perhaps more correctly, register these experiences and then carry them as long as we do not deal with them. It seems as though the record of the event is in the brain while the content of the feeling resides in the body. We know that the body has its own intelligence and that despite no brain activity the body will respond in the most amazing of ways such as the Lazarus Reflex.  Its a strange thing, but it happens almost universally amongst people who no longer have brain activity and are being kept alive on life support, for example.  There is something more there than what the brain is conferring.

This material accumulated, lodging itself in the energy field as well as the brain.  The energy field is itself a giant sensing organ.  Its nonphysical, but its what survives after death. After so much of this material accumulates within it, it effectively slows and darkens our perceptual ability. The self becomes divided, partitioned as it were.  The vast storehouse of possibility within the larger self is effectively choked off.  When you awaken, this material is sloughed off to a degree.  The result?  Abilities emerge.  Psychic abilities.  You can feel what others around you feel.  You can see things from a distance.  You can know things that cannot be known through the physical senses. Sidhis, or abilities, are  natural by-product of this clearing process.  This, I contend, is the natural result of our returning to our Essential State (or getting much closer to it than ever before).  I say, then, that it is in all of us to have these abilities.  They are not merely for the select few. It is part of our consciousness.  What I have observed is that different people will have different abilities.  It all depends on ones turn of mind, I think.  So naturally you will likely see a range of different abilities based on how that person is made up, how they are focused and what their interests are.

So much of your awareness has been land-locked by all the material inside of you. As you read this, you wonder just what this is.  You even doubt that I know what I am talking about....after all, surely you would know its there. The thing is, you don't.  You don't because so much of the shit from your life has been shoved so far down that it now lies in the subconscious. Even Freud knew this, but he never went far enough to discover the source of all of this material. He never made the cognitive leap to put two and two together. All of this is repressed material, and what is repressed comes back as dysfunction. But most people don't even have enough awareness to know how dysfunctional they are. They need some radical wake-up call just to get them to see it. Otherwise, its business as usual.  The world looks like a world that is half asleep to me. With so much material shoved down, this means you have this graveyard that you stay away from.  Its a grave yard inside of you.  You keep all that stuff out of your mind because to contemplate it is just too much.  This effectively estranges you from yourself.  You have an entire portion of your awareness that is now relegated to the backlot of the mysteries.  What you have is your individual awareness, and this part tells you a convenient lie that you are individual, separate.  Its not the whole story. Its one part of a much larger realm of your being. But as a result of this state, your function as a human being has been attenuated greatly.  You are effectively a house divided.  This, amazingly, has been how things have been for thousands upon thousands of years.

The interesting thing is that whenever someone wakes up from this dream and comes back and says this isn't all there is, everyone else almost always seeks to kill that person. Like they are crazy. The world actually has bought into a delusion and they will fight like hell to keep that delusion in place. The deeper the delusion, the more heinous the crimes, the more violent the effort is to keep the blinders on. We say our sages and gurus are wise and lovely people because we want to be seen as people who value spirituality without really knowing just what this is even about. Our old dry canals of leaders and priests really are without a clue.  They are too busy with creating the appearance of being someone to look up to even though they are without a clue what any of this is about.

I know.  I sound pretty harsh.  I realize just how frustrated people can become when they see how the world is....and sometimes I am amazed. Perhaps I shouldn't be. Perhaps I should just realize that this is how it is and get on with it.

I think we are here to realize our divine natures.  I think this is our ultimate task and no other. When we do this, we receive a great freedom, a great blessing.  But even this is difficult because our world of ego has made it so. By removing the layers of material, we resolve back into a clear-eyed being again.  We move back to the Garden of Eden.  We travel through time, we are placed back at the beginning....except time flows...so we do not go back in time, we loop back to that point and touch upon that same state HERE NOW. Heaven is here and now. All of this is like undressing before the cosmos.....we take each layer off, revealing our truth deeper down. As we remove all that we thought we needed, removed all that made us feel shame and guilt and fear, the universe tells us that its okay.  It never came to judge....and we realize in that moment that everything here was put in place by very human beings and made to sound divine. God never judges, for God is within.  We do not need a judge, for we judge ourselves....but the problem is that karma is not true divinity.  Karma is turning from the divinity.  How can e know the divine with all of this very human junk clinging to us?  As it all falls away, the realization is that no one did this to us.  We each did this to us, even the most abject suffering and states of poverty and all the rest.  Somewhere we could not believe that the divine didn't have the power to take care of us PERFECTLY if we just let it. And in not believing, we FELL away from it.  We have been struggling ever since.  What we struggle with is the accumulation of all this junk. It closes us off in every way.

As you remove the ghosts of the past from you, you can see more clearly with the eyes of the present. Unhindered, you feel like a new person.  Each element that falls away clears the lens of your awareness even more. You are becoming like the first woman, the first man.

What Divine Alignment Really Means

Everything you have known has come to you from your five senses.  Nothing came into you that did not come through those senses.  Your thoughts, they were your own. Your thoughts do not leak out, nor do other thoughts leak in.  Its just not possible, right? This is very much the way we are used to operating in the world.  It is how we learn, it is how we come by experience.  We go about relating to our identity as like that of a soap bubble; we are defined by whatever is inside that bubble which incidentally is also bounded by the five senses. There is also much more than this.

When what we call prana is released in abundance in the body and consciousness, it opens up latent channels in both that begins to reorient you so that you become more aware of a substratum of deeper awareness that had been lost on you prior to this happening.  There comes an awareness, an understanding, nearly universally, that what you thought you knew was but one small part of a much bigger picture of who you were and even what you thought the world is or was.  It is here in such a place of awareness that most everyone becomes aware of a still deeper compass point that becomes a driving force for change in a person's life.  Read anyone's account of their awakening and you will find words that describe how they thought they knew but didn't, or how they inevitably find a deeper inward prompting to live life differently, to be different, in a way that is more inclusive to this new understanding of self and how the world is.  Sometimes you hear catch phrases like "illusion" or "false belief" and these things are all pointing to the change that has happened.  It isn't that a person has grown tired of who they were, or that the grass is greener on the other side, no. It is because of an awakened inner compass or a refining of it that drives the inner change I am mentioning.  

When you come to such an epiphany moment such as this, it reveals that there is a larger compass point that is often ignored prior to this.  Awakening is such a radical change that it uncovers a world of new realization, awareness, and sense of being.  Its like one day you are presented with a new device called a car.  You have never seen a car before.  You have no idea whatsoever what it is really made for.  So after a bit of time you find that it has doors, so you get in.  You discover that it has a key that you can turn, and the machine hums to life.  You also find out that it has a radio, and air conditioning, so you sit for hours on end sitting in this cool little device with the air blowing and the music blaring.  This is like what your life is before awakening.  Its all good,  and there is a lot of functionality there to be sure, but there is something missing. But what?

Then, one day you wonder what the pedals are on the floor for.  The engine roars.  Huh.  And then, in a moment, you slip the car into drive and discover to your complete amazement that this thing will take you down the road!  Can you imagine the surprise, the utter astonishment in such a moment like this?  Its like a whole new world.  And that is what awakening is like.  And awakening brings a whole new level of awareness.  Remember that compass point I eluded to earlier?  That comes right along with it. This compass point brings you, potentially at least, to a fuller realization of who you are.  But like a caterpillar that is changing into a butterfly, you have one foot in one world and one foot in another.  The compass point in such an experience becomes incredibly important as a guide for how to navigate in this new world both within and without.  When you enter into such an awareness, you are in a place where you thought you knew what it was all about but realize now that you really didn't.  The compass comes in handy.  It points to the divine within each of us. To use this compass properly requires you to be radically honest with yourself and not bullshit yourself.  It is easy to do, even when awakening has come for you. I see this all the time.  I saw it in myself.  We fool ourselves all the time, discovering only later that there was something deeper that needed attention and care.  i wish I could tell you that once you awaken that that's it, you are done.  You aren't.  You are just stepping through the gateway from one world of experience to another.  You are unknowingly dragging along with you a lifetime of programming that now has to be undone.  So let's get to it. 

The secret of divine alignment is that it is not something we search for outside of ourselves.  The journey back to heaven is the journey back to our true nature.  You cannot know just how inclusive this nature is by bringing your old biases or baggage to the table.  This is why the path to divine alignment involves liberation from lifetimes of karma and hurt.  Layer by layer, the force of prana flowing powerfully shakes out all of the dross....sometimes haltingly, sometimes in large land-slides.  You simply can't get there with too much weighing you down.   The universe seems to require that you love yourself first if you are to experience the love of the universe.  And before you think that what I am describing is some path to narcissism, it is known that when you love yourself more fully, the love that you attract matches that frequency within you.  There is a world of people who, unable to get beyond something in their past are destined to repeat it by attracting it over and over again until they are able to simply change how they feel and react to it. And yes, when prana ramps up to a sufficient enough level, it has very real effects on the body and brain, which leads to an ability to think and feel differently about a whole host of things.  It is the life giver, the savior, the redeemer. While an awakening of kundalini is a powerful ally in your search for this alignment, you also will have a lot of work to do.  The biggest piece of the puzzle is learning how to surrender, to bow down to your authentic nature, to what the Indians call the higher self.  Over and over, you will learn this one simple but often forgotten necessity for you to progress.  And in each moment, you learn to seek and then to find this alignment. Kundalini is like your admission to the show but now you have to remain awake and pay attention as the show is performed for you.

There is no honey as sweet as this. It flows inside of you.  You may not know much, but you may know how to stay in alignment to this force.  You might still have a world of worries and uncertainties waiting for you outside of this sweet slip of a moment, but at the very least you have THIS.  Just learning how to align to the divine is so huge, so important.  It is one of the elements that can lead to recovery, to healing, to still better things.  And you know what?  We all know how to do it.  Its simple, its direct, and its so pure.  Sure, we may be a work in progress, but count your blessings! 

Awakening is just the beginning.  Alignment is just the beginning.  Keep at it, keep turning 'round that golden center.  You don't have to have all the answers, just know the center point.  Know your own inner compass point.  If you don't know that, then you are here seeking to find that.  How do you feel?  How do you reach the part of you that knows joy and bliss?  When you seek this there is this odd tendency for us to find it. You might think there is a formula for this, but intent creates more traction than you could imagine. This is more like falling in love and being inspired than anything else you might experience. 

Certainly you can see that bad things spring up within people, no?  So is THAT divinely aligned?  No.  It is misdirected energy.  The source of all energy though is divine, this is true.  We misuse it, misdirect it.  We also think we know it by cleaving to old belief systems that are limiting and distorted. How are we to know the truth? People want to think that some god will come along and tell them what is what.  But the great secret is that the divine lies folded into the force that suffuses you in awakening.  Craftily hidden, it waits for you there. The initiation is your awareness that it exists.  I can tell you that it is there, but until you can feel it and then commune with it, well, book learning does you good. 

In the end, it comes down to you.  Forget the teachers, the temples and churches and synagogs.  This path is about freedom, but to travel it you must be brave....and you must have a free spirit. Crave freedom.  I have seen people who believe that they must have a teacher if they ever hope to navigate this, but that is not true.  If you need a teacher, that teacher will show up in the most amazingly synchronistic of ways.  You wont need to go looking.  For that matter, teachers are all around you, you just need to keep your eyes open and when you find them, don't idolize them because they might have one message for you straight from the divine truth....and the rest could be nonsense.  But by relying on a teacher you tell yourself that you cannot trust yourself or your own innate wisdom.  In truth, I have discovered more truth by allowing my mind to go blank and then drawing on my own inner intuition.  It is true that you wont ever know unless you try.  Like muscles, they have to be used and you need to be able to tell when you were on the mark and when you missed the mark and then pay close attention to how you thought or how you really were actually accessing your intuitive abilities.  yes it takes effort and observation, but this is the only way you will learn about these latent powers that are surely within you.  They are as natural to you as breathing is or the heartbeat.  In time, if you follow this assumption, you will begin to develop those powers of inner awareness. Besides, teachers can tell you things that they were taught by their teachers and they never really examined it or looked at it critically and so on and on this distortion or bias continues from teacher to student down through the literal ages.  

You no longer need anything or anyone, not even me or some blog to tell you how to get there.  Its already there in you.  I know, that is pretty frustrating.  I am not giving you a formula, am I?  Align to what you know to be true within.  If you are off the mark, don't worry; it might serve a purpose, an important purpose so you might learn something that you alone need to learn.  We like to say that we teach so people can avoid certain mistakes in their work, but it is also true that you can't teach someone to comprehension.  Comprehension comes when you are ripe for it, ready. That is why some teachings literally take years to grow and reach full fruition within the heart mind and soul!  But is that bad?  No!  This is not a race, folks!  All this talk about end times.  That is just silly!  There is no end to time.  There just isn't. Infinity is literally at our fingertips.  When this life is over, another will begin.  We have lived many, we will live many more.  Short on time?  Really, we all have infinity to get this one right.  Anything less would be like living in a universe where an angry and jealous creator god chose to turn the tables on creation and make up all kinds of silly rules to play a game of gotcha.  I mean really, except in child rearing and church, where does playing gotcha (go to hell do not pass go) make any sense at all?  What does the fear serve?  If the soul aligns by way of love then mustn't we have an environment full of love instead of fear? So wouldn't the single best way to erase fear would be to give us all the time in the world to get it right? 

So think about it.  Most people get there by being quiet, reflecting.  They look deep inside. You might want to try that.  Getting quiet helps to calm the chatter in the mind.  Learn to FEEL.  I tell you, this one is the most important.  FEEL how you feel.  Do things that will make you feel wonderful.  Soak it up, and soak it in.  GO out into nature, look at flowers and trees and the smallest of things and see how incredibly wonderful and amazing they all are.  Miracles.  Fall in love.  Be devoted to love.  Be devoted to your path.  Be asked to be led.  There is something inside of you that is your greatest teacher.  It is the path to the greatest joy.  Promise.

You could try to breath.  Breath in through one nostril at a time, holding one shut each time in turn for three breaths per side.  How does this make you feel?  Don't feel different?  Do it four times more.  Do it until you find yourself feeling more relaxed.  Once you get there, once you no longer feel a knot in your stomach, rest in that moment without a need to do anything.  Stop worry.  Stop being in the past or future.  BE in this moment for a few minutes.  If you mind races, its a sign you need to work on that.  Come back later and do the same exercise again and do this over and over until you manage to find yourself calming down more and more.  You didn't get into this shape all at once and you wont get out of it all at once.

As you calm yourself, imagine the chakras at the core of your body like flower petals, lotus flowers.  They are beautiful and wonderful.  There are seven of these, one beginning at your root or near your groin area, another slightly above it in your lower abdomen, then one in your gut or lower stomach area called the solar plexus, then one near your heart, one in your throat and one in your third eye and another near the top of your head.  If you imagine that there is a pure clear stream of water flowing up into your root, the center of your sexuality and nurturing when you were small, clearing out that chakra of all debris, it will then flow up into your sacral or second chakra.  This is the seat of your sensuality.  As the water flows, feel it flowing all through this flower and out into your body.  The central column moves up into the solar plexus and into the heart all in the same way.  Each chakra is opened by this sparkling water and is invigorated.  Imagine the water flowing up into your throat, third eye and crown chakra.  As you do this, imagine a slight pressure building in the center of your body which helps to push this etheric water source further upwards.  Imagine all of your chakras cleared with this water.  Inside this water are sparks of light, very brilliant and shooting around all over the place. This is not like any water you have ever seen, for it is alive in a way. Allow your imagination to see how brilliant this can be inside of you. Allow yourself to simply observe.  Feel as your head is cleared with this flow and you wind up feeling refreshed.

You don't need to know what this water is composed of, but your soul knows.  Your soul already knows what I am intending it to be and while your awareness in your body says you can't know, you do know.  Inside of you there is a sleeping giant who does know exactly what this is.  You don't need to know in order for it to work. In fact, by not knowing you provide more room for what I anchor and what my own soul whispers to you that it is.

Divine alignment does not come from outside of you.  Not through teaching or any method.  If a method works, great, but the magic in the method is how you can give yourself to it.  I know you may be used to believing in methods as if they are somehow magic or they have some interesting tricks that work on all people.  All you have to do is....feel.  I know I wrote about this in the post on anger prior to this one, but it is true and has broad application.  its because the part of you that aligns is not your thinking self but your feeling self.  It is so because the heart is not polluted.  Your mind is polluted with all kinds of ideas and beliefs.  Deeper still you know.

Divine alignment is aligning to what is already there.  You do not go outside to find God.  You go inside to discover it has always been there.  You are a part of that, you see.  This is your great secret, your wonderful promise.  It is there for you to know, to awaken to.  It is like a flower that will begin to spread open inside of you.  It will bring a feeling so blissful and amazing, it will change how you see the divine forever.  No angels on clouds or any of that foolishness.  A bud aching to open ever wider for the universe.  After thousands of years of sleep, it opens in you. This is the beginning of divine alignment.  Always asking it what it intends for you and being willing to be patient to listen for its clues is the ultimate in devotion.  You will become like a lover to the universe.  It will be a sacred courtship that has no end. You will wish all could feel this. The truth is so simple its more in a glance or a knowing smile. Sometimes people have felt this merely by being in the presence of those who are awakened and who simply look at them, smiling.  Its not elusive once it spreads inside of you.  There is no mistaking it.  You will know it.  It will be beyond anything.....and yet NOT beyond what you are.  It will spring up like a sprout from your most basic parts.  It will be a flame barely seen that grows and spreads.  it is without word or description.

Look inside yourself.  Believe my words.  Be patient.  Be still. Be in the moment.  Be in love.  Imagine the eyes of the awakened looking into you, reminding you what you have always known but have perhaps, for the time being forgotten....

Then you will remember that all I am doing is trying to get you to know what you already have inside of you. All of this continues like a prayer we say in each moment, over and over.  Each time we get better at it.  We learn, we grow, we embody.  It is all a process. 

Anger

I do a lot to support positive feelings and positive states.  Sometimes we ascribe a negative connotation to emotions like anger.  One the one hand, this is  accurate, but its not the whole story.  So today I am going to suggest a radical approach, but one that can work wonders for you if you can use it in a productive, not destructive way.  Anger can be used in a very productive way to release a lot of feelings that you might not be able to do otherwise.  There is a tendency to see anger as one emotion that is best left alone in spiritual practice, as though it is a coarser emotion that will somehow overtake us or ruin us.

Anger is a powerful emotion, no doubt about it. Behind anger is the sheer force of energy that is being expressed in what we know to be anger.  Energy is energy, and how it is expressed is also how it is experienced. There is a very positive side to anger in truth, and it can be very cathartic. Its a strong force because of how it is being expressed, so I would say do not be afraid to feel anger, but like a loaded gun, consider where you are pointing it.

I have gotten very angry recently.  I have allowed myself to just let the anger flow instead of keeping it pent up.  No one else was around.  I was not kicking the cat (I never kick the cat!), I was just letting it flow in a very empty house. Behind it, though, I could also feel a lot of nervous energy.  Letting it out also let out a lot of pent up energy. That which is repressed gets expressed as dysfunction.  Anger can be used in a productive way instead of its usual destructive way that serves to hurt others (because we ourselves feel like someone has hurt us for example...) and this anger is used like a violent flame that burns with great intensity but not out of control. Sometimes, anger can play an important role in healing.  Arthur Janov developed an effective way to help people with this pent up emotion through his Primal Therapy (there is a link to his site on the side bar to the right of this post). This is what most people know as  Primal Scream Therapy.  You might think it silly, but it taps something that allows us to get to the root of some hard issues.  Turns out my own mother used Primal Therapy years ago in order to get at a very old issue from her early childhood.  It works because it admits that sometimes we are like a volcano with all this fire in us that needs to be let out.

When you deal with anger,  you let it flow through you without hurting anyone by not focusing your anger on another person.  This energy is real, and if you connect someone into that stream, you do them and yourself real harm by wishing to use such a powerful force on them.  Even in their absence. All of this flows through the universe, everything is connected by this vast inner-net that is the All. So be careful.  Be angry, yes, but own your anger and do not put it onto another.  They will feel it in some form or another if you do.  The feeling can help guide you to a still deeper issue or truth that is inside of you which is causing the anger in the first place.  Until you deal with the anger, you are merely erupting over and over without getting deeper.  I am giving you permission to move through the anger to go still deeper inside of yourself.

By doing this, I am also going to caution you not to go at this in a mental way.  Let yourself go. Allow yourself to FEEL. Don't expect some outcome.  Let the feeling be the end.  If you do this, you will release your limiting mental process and become much more open to what lies beneath.  I am going to suggest to you that its entirely possible that you haven't a clue what lies beneath.  It could be an utter surprise. It could actually be incredibly peaceful, but you will never know when there is all of this magma lying atop it distorting the view deeper down. Remove, then, all thoughts of what might be or should be or expectations.  Be in the moment.  Be open, and be free.  FEEL. Then let feeling guide you. Most issues are so irrational the mind isn't going to be of any help to you anyway.  You see what I mean?  Don't be afraid not to know.  Be curious.  Give yourself over to feeling. The anger is a force like wind blowing through you. If you see it in a positive way, your awareness will tend to move through it in a more positive way.

The positive character to anger is that it helps you to recognize what needs to change.  It can be a powerful catalyst for helping you to understand what your own issues are.  This happens most constructively when you realize that what bothers you is also what you happen to mirror in the world.  You are not the victim in all of this. As long as we remain the victim, we turn away from the full truth of the universe, of our lives, and our own truth as sovereign beings here.

But it doesn't mean that you LIKE what you mirror. In fact, it can get you so mad and upset that you want to tear your hair out, stamp around and even scream.  Maybe yell.  See, all of the things you have shoved down inside get registered in your energy field, your nervous system, and they even nestle down into your physical tissues (this is what is behind Rolfing as a type of massage....it pushes that material out of your tissues). All of this is connected. Each body, from the energy body to the nerve body to the flesh body system, all are connected and deal with the load of this junk in their own ways.  But its there. Its why movement is so important in healing energetic problems.  It is why I cover it in my book as part of knowing how to alleviate these old problems.  Chi Gong helps, massage can help, and even acupuncture can have an effect.  But so can exercise.

Movement helps the body to find a way to dispense with these old issues recorded in our bodies. The violence of anger can also be the raging storm that cleanses the energy field and body when it is not directed on another person. You can let its powerful force move through you and clear out all the tension that has been built up. I would even say that movement that is akin to throwing a fit could very well be a fast and effective way to clear the energy lines in your body and all its represents as it reaches down through the vibratory frequency of the denser dimension of the physical body.  The trick is to let your body move along with your feelings. You might need to go outside for this.  Be careful; you don't want to break anything or be destructive.

So be angry. Get mad as hell, but admit that you are mad because you are unhappy with how your life has gone, not because you are some victim.  If you keep the victim energy out of it and you keep others out of it, anger can be the flame that can burn in a cleansing way. We are often afraid to even FEEL anger, but it can serve a very useful purpose if we do not focus it outwardly towards another.  Many fear anger as a force that can help to clear away stuck emotion.  Many eschew anger because they have been taught it is to be avoided. By confronting your anger, in letting it flow in the most natural of ways without pushing it down or denying it, you face it and you flow with it.  Let the energy be spent.  Burn away the fuel that resides in you, let it burn itself out.  Once this has been done, look and listen quietly within yourself for what remains.  What lies beneath it?  This is the promise that this path offers.  It is a path you do not need to trod often.  Do not make it a habit.  Be honest with yourself and let the anger flow, do not bottle it up.  When you bottle anger, it can devolve into depression. Like anything else, you can choose to utilize this force wisely or not wisely. Be natural.  Admit how you feel.  Go into the feeling not to marinate in it, but to learn to master yourself.  There is a difference between letting anger control you and letting anger out.  I know intimately what happens when anger is bottled up and allowed to vent.  It is a slow burning fire that causes the container to bubble over.....over and over.  I have known people who have put a lid on all of this without dealing with the source of the anger and this merely became a pot that would explode ever few weeks. This is going on even now as far as I know.....until its root cause is dealt with.  To get behind the anger, you must confront the anger.  Anger is a tiger that looks ten feet tall.  It is a lynx that is only a fifth of that.

There is a great old method that feels pretty good to me that I think is rooted in my connection to the Native American path.  In the old days people would dig a hole and they would then put all of their anger into that hole. They would just sit and yell and scream, letting all that energy bleed out into the earth. You might think that this might create a repository of anger into the earth that is not good for the earth.  Ah, now that might make sense at first blush, but when you get into the energy that is Gaia, you will perhaps see how the consciousness of the earth is built on an energy of transformation. In her earthly core, she is molten.  Her molten state creates a field of electromagnetic energy that penetrates through every living thing on the planet.  And while yes, your anger is moved through those lines of force, it is also transmuted. Also, anger itself is not a bad thing. It is a very intense energy, yes, and it can be a hard emotion when we focus it on others, but when it is not focused on others, it is more like the molten eruption of a volcano. Stand back because it can hurt you, but if you watch what grows from a volcano, you will see it also has important life giving properties.  A volcano while a force of destruction is also a force of creation also.

So let your inner volcano out.  Imagine it like a pure flow of fire.  Feel it flow out of your mouth as you scream.  Let its lava flows move out from you, not AT anyone.  Let its fire flow out into the very natural world around you.  Let your own frustration and anger move out of you because if you do, this can lead to a place in you where the flowers can grow.At the foot of each volcano is an incredibly verdant slope.  Just like real volcanos, our own inner volcano can leave room for new growth.   The earth knows what anger is, for she erupts in the same way in violent forms from storms to volcanic eruptions, land slides, earthquakes and tsunamis.  All of these things seem destructive, but are also at their heart creative.  The difference here is that every time you have an issue, you don't immediately move to anger because that can become a crutch and can also be just destructive.  Destroy, year down yourself if you must, but only you are the one being so reordered.  Neither destroy out of self loathing or hatred of the self.  Anger can help you to see that what you were angry about was merely inside of you.  Anger will help you to eject all the pent up energy that you need to get out that wont ever be gotten out with matras and gentle songs.  It wont. Here, you are destroyer, but a sacred destroyer.  Let the vast force of earth move through you for a higher purpose.  Shake off your shell, slip out of that constraining skin.  Let anger work in the most positive of ways.

This might seem foreign to you.  Scary even.  I ask you, then to think about this a little differently.  Think about how you feel when you are really hungry.  Once you get food, you chew it up sometimes in an action that can only be termed violent.  Eating could be seen this way, yes.  It must destroy in order to create.  We do not eat dirt, we eat living things.  This is a fact, and no amount of vegetarianism will change the reality that we must eat living things in order to survive. So even the once alive plants must give up their existence so that we may have ours.  Anger can be much like this, except instead of chewing up the world, destroying the world, we are eating those things inside of us that no longer serve us, that annoy us, that hurt and harm us.  We are the snake that sheds and then eats its skin.

Another way you can relate to this is how you might feel when you are exerting yourself in a very physical way.  Working out in a sustained way will most often bring about a state of anger, something that might be called body anger.  We push through the pain and the fatigue in order to achieve some new physical goal.  Maybe its topping a difficult hill running or on a bike.  Maybe its 60 push ups.  Maybe its lifting an extra 40 pounds on weight equipment. Maybe its hoeing a row of dirt in making the garden.  We push through the difficulty in order to reach the goal.  And this is in some ways how anger is.  We push through it.  We exert, we allow the body to burn and in so doing, we begin releasing pent up anxiety, fear, and all sorts of other things that are unique to each person.  Anger is an increase in your spiritual metabolism for a very specific purpose.  As in nature, very few events like this last for long.  It is a violent action that serves to establish equilibrium.

The goal in this, though, is to remove the issue that is embedded in you. If you do not do this, you have only trimmed the bush, you have not dug it up.  It will continue to grow.  This is important because there are plenty of people who use anger as a relief valve without ever emptying the cask of its contents and starting anew.  Because of this, the cask continues to build up pressure periodically and the valve is opened through a burst of anger that most often is directed at other people.  This is not the productive way of dealing with this. If you are merely reacting, you are not learning to create in a new more productive way.  Use anger, do not let anger use you. If you do this, you fall into the trap of suddenly being the victim.  You are not the victim, remember?  You are here to master this.  Let anger be your ally in a controlled burst of emotion and then let it cleanse you.

I am not big on methods. I create my own sometimes on the spot in an intuitive way and they work very well for me.  There is no magic in others' methods unless you ascribe that magic to them. Sometimes a method is very good at helping you to relate to a certain feeling, and in this way someone else's method could work very well. I know we like to have them from others when we think they will work for us.  What I would like to explain is that your consciousness is naturally creative.  If you can realize that any method that helps you to tap deep into emotion will naturally be effective.  The way to fashion your own method is to find what works for you.  What images help you to relate to anger?  How can you imagine that anger erupting from you.  Is it a volcano? A giant storm with thunder and lightening?  Is it strong enough to break out the weaker branches in the trees of your awareness?  Can this image help to sweep away al the dead wood of your being and bring you a feeling of freshness and cleansing?  Or does a tsunami suit you better?  Do you imagine it rushing up onto land, clearing the decks entirely and taking everything in its path back out to sea?  Can you imagine this force in you so purely that you do not need images?  If you can relate to the feeling in a full way, it is very likely to work more deeply.

Okay.  So you let the anger out.  Sometimes this will work all on its own.  I am going to suggest that you also try after the storm has passed to become very calm and quiet.  Sit quietly and ask yourself how you feel.  Reflect into yourself now that the storm has passed.  Can you feel something different now inside of yourself?  With that layer of anger removed for the time being, can you peer quietly like looking into a crystal gazing pool more clearly?  I want you to pretend that you are looking at a pond or pool or ocean depths after moving through this anger.  Quiet and calm, reflect on what you see.  What you see, though, will be what you feel. Beyond simply feeling spent, what have your found deeper still?  Do you suddenly realize that what was making you angry was because of how you had allowed yourself to get yourself into situations that weren't good for you?  Did you WANT to make someone else responsible for hurting you?  Or maybe you do not understand why something happened that made you angry.  Sitting still, asking yourself what the answer is, can you see anything float up into your awareness that shows itself?  If you take time to pause and reflect, this can be a productive time to see some issues in a new light. But don't worry if you don't.  Trust feeling. It sometimes offers answers not on our expected schedule but in its own time.

Now that I have said all of this, I hope that it helps you to see anger in a new light.  By honoring it, letting it flow, you do not become a slave to it because its purpose is to cleanse you.  Let it do its work.  Maybe you do this with some physical activity.  Perhaps you go out and find old dead branches in the woods and take an axe to them, chopping them up, letting your anger flow down into the earth. Do not be destructive in the old way, but harness the power for your own transformation. Sometimes yelling at no one in particular does the trick.  And the trick is in not focusing it on another. In the movie Network, the character played by Peter Finch tells everyone to go to the window and yell "I'm as mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore!"  It turned out, the whole world had all this pent up anger about the way things were.  In the clip below you might get a chuckle but also a view into how we can use anger in a productive way....

The Great Secret

If you would know the great secret you would know the one who has begotten you before your life in a world where all die.  It was through the father and mother of the great light that you were begotten. To know your lineage is to know their union.  To know your union, you will know your lineage.  In their union, is the life.  It is only through them that you will taste the true resurrection that was spoken about which had nothing to do with the casting off of a body or of dying and coming back to life.  People live in this life as though they are dead. Once they taste the resurrection, they will know the deeper life, the true life. Restoring this to earth has been the mission of many boddhi’s including a man known amongst the Tibetans as Issa who had been crucified and who was said to have lived out his days with them with a woman named Mary.  There is a grave stone that has the foot prints of a man sculpted into it that shows the scars of crucifixion. This was how the word was expressed by one teacher whose teachings were not fully understood.  Much was hidden early on, but what was hidden has also been revealed.  If you can but have the eyes to see, you can understand that there was a teaching much like the Hindu that was based on the two irrefutable poles of conscious energy; masculine and feminine in union.  This is their perfect state, they were never meant to be separate.

The resurrection was not well understood. Because he had died on the cross and survived, he was said to have resurrected, but it is equally possible that he was given something on a sponge that would have put him into a deep state like death long enough to have his body removed and his life saved.  The hidden teachings speak of a different kind of resurrection, one that was not about death, but about coming to life while still alive. This is what we call today as "awakening" and bears the same symptoms and effects.  It was later aped by followers who did not fully know what was meant.  To truly know what this was all about, you had to experience it.  Jesus brought the Darshan (blessing of the grace) what he called a fire which he was casting upon the earth.  This was written in texts which were hidden from view for two thousand years.  You will not read these words in the "accepted" texts as handed down because many were ordered destroyed after Constantine met with the men (no women) who would choose the books that would constitute the first bible and the institutionalizing of the church.  However, seeing the writing on the wall, books were spirited out of the region and were buried in the desert of Nag Hammadi.  These would emerge in perfect timing for our very best translators to examine and bring forth for us.  In them the triad was the mother/father/son.  Consciousness was in truth ordered in the way a family was ordered.  The masculine pole and feminine pole would beget new life.  We were and are born from this lineage of masculine and feminine and bear them in the coding of our souls. When you awaken, what they termed “resurrection”  was as though you had been dead previously before your body arose into a new life. Your body came alive in ways you would not believe. While this involved the hiding of what role the feminine played in this relationship,  her truth could not be entirely hidden.   Many do not know and have forgotten just who the Holy Ghost was supposed to be. Most assumed it was another aspect of an all-male deity.  The early church fathers had bastardized the teachings….not just the teachings, but the irrefutable truth……for when you awaken, you cannot ignore the presence of both shakti and shiva in you….which is the father and mother or "father and holy ghost."  Their role is creative, and out of their orgasmic bliss arises the Christ Consciousness. Its interesting just how much the orgasmic bliss has been demonized. I can only conclude that this represented the final freedom, true spiritual power as well as physical creative power and the early church sought to keep its followers less than empowered. 

In the gospel of Philip, a very important document for revealing the truth of the feminine and masculine as making up the deity….as well as the higher self emerges. He points out the obvious saying that those who say Mary begot with the Holy Ghost are in error, for "when does a woman beget with a woman?"  He was pointing out an issue that was already something of a mystery to people at the time….or it was already the subject of people seeking to lessen the presence of the female in the truth. 

Since awakening is not contingent on any religion belief or faith, the issue of what some called the resurrection or awakening, or kundalini, is not one that can be forever hidden.   Every culture on the earth has stories and teachings about it. 

Go as far afield as you wish in any faith.  When you awaken, the truth fills every cell in your body as the presence of THEIR ecstatic union fills you.  You feel bliss because they are now in union within.  These are your cosmic parents and through them, you may learn all secrets.  You must learn how to listen at the portals of reverie and imagination….for it is here in these unlikely places that the universe will rush in to you. If you look at the world and see how it poo poos the imagination as nothing real is the degree to which the world has forgotten how to access the mysteries.  These are those who ape and mimic but do not feel the indwelling spirit. But even they have it within themselves to feel this, to embody it…..as soon as they dispense with their twisted dogma that demonizes bliss.  Imagination leads to inspiration, and inspiration is divine grace.  This is your divinity present in the moment.  Under normal circumstances, it only arrives under certain circumstances.  When you awaken, its presence fills you. It is the very nature of inspiration to break you out of old limited thinking in order to help you to view and know the divine reality.  You can use this energy however you choose, but when it comes as a tidal wave continually, it fuels great creative output as well as insight. You do not necessarily have the heavens open up, but a reality will reside closer to you, within you.  Slowly, the secrets will be shown to you as you climb that stair ever higher. Some of it is not knowledge, but knowing.  Presence.  You do not go out into the world of things to discover truths, you se that you and the universe are the same. As the Upanishads have said you are a spider that lays down its thread which it then travels in this world. You are the creator and the created.  It is IN you. Your revelation will be in coming to know this great family unity.

You are born of a seemingly dual being of both masculine and feminine.  In truth, the only experience of their existence seems only to happen when they are in union.  Their creation is not something that is separate, and so even in your own consciousness, their bliss in you emerges from their unity, not disunity.   All life reflects this begetting that has its source in Source, the All.  This is an ancient teaching that many have sought to hide and change to their own egoistic whims. It does not change its truth and reality.  It waits for you, for the day when you cast off the shackles of your old life. Like two wires loosened in your being, connecting them will bring the current of the ALL into you immediately.  It will come like a freight train….or a great wind….or a surge up the spine.  It will be so strong it can take you out of your body.  Ecstasy will be a daily experience.  You will learn to open more and more to this and its presence will show you how to loosen the shackles and energetic blocks inside of you.  And as you awaken, you strengthen the field within all people. It grows, it builds, it is like a begetting that comes into itself. You learn what Thales, teacher of Pythagoras knew when he said "all things are full of gods."  Within the petal of your awareness, there is a still larger awareness of your whole self….the divine flower.  Every particle in nature and in ALL is built in this way.  It has its higher form, its “god” as Thales once proclaimed so correctly.  it is hard to know precisely how this is, but you will glimpse it in your being when you awaken.

With or without the old knowledge, or teachings, all of this is returning.  It returns no based on any teaching, not on the success of any philosophy or creed or method.  It returns because it is a very human experience.  We are evolving, and the world is undergoing great change.  Great events come with great change. The field of the collective consciousness has within it the spark which is turning like a great wave now.  Awakenings will continue to grow in number.  As each who awakens learns to build ever greater energetic potential, it will have a formidable effect upon the whole.  The single best thing one can do is to consider it a possibility without needing to know how it will happen to them.  When your mind is pliable and leaning into possibility is when the impossible has a way of happening.  The way of it is to be found in our yearning to know why we are here, who we are, and what this is all about.  THIS is the singular yearning that exists yet remains a mystery to our minds.  This is the evolutionary impulse, the divine spark. What we yearn for, most of us, is what we all do not know.  But we search.  We search through things and ways of life, all coming up short and unhappy.  

What we seek is a love beyond all loves.  We think it is in other people, but it must first reside in us.  We seek outwardly, but this loves dwells within.  It is your own connection to the universe.  When you feel it, the thirst for trying to find "it" ceases in large measure.  This was what I spent my whole life chasing after.  I just didn't know exactly what it was.  And so it is with each person.  So feel into this yearning if you want to know the path to awakening.  It is here that you will get your "answer."  It is not knowledge, it is a knowing beyond all knowing.  It is a knowing that confers great bliss, great knowing, a silent but loud presence.  It is coming home.  Lean into it.  Feel inspired.  This is very human. Dream, hope, lean into it.  Seek.....but know that what you seek is not to be found in reincarnation or ancient texts or some old secret hidden from view.  The secret lies inside of you, in a FEELING. So FEEL.  The more you feel the closer you will be to its truth. No method will bring you to it.  People are studying kundalini yoga, but it wont come until they are ready.  There is nothing magical about it.  It focused intention. The physical side of it helps to keep you fit and gives you a discipline to practice, but most people waking up today are not doing so because of the yoga.  Having said this, though, if you are ripe for it, then anything that connects you to the feeling of rising energy will work.  So kundalini yoga or meditation could work.  I have a friend who tried this meditation and it worked the first time he tried it.  He was ripe.  He was ready. I never was involved in a practice.  I sparked it by forgiving myself of something I had been carrying around for years, a feeling like I was not living up to something between me and the universe. When I was able to let that go, events changed from that moment forward.  Kundalini began its six month period of unfolding.  

It is better to feel into your own yearning for the hidden things of the world, the world within the world.  If you know this pull, you know the divine impulse already. It is here where you will find it.  Surrender.  Let go of all that burdens you.  Clean up your relationships. Forgive what bothers you.  Let go as much as you can let go for this will make the path easier.  Be like a child who knows how to forgive easily. Its much too hard to remain connected to these old hurts.  Its more fun to be happy and go play....