Friday, April 27, 2012

Beyond Ego

Looking back some, the process of awakening has been a blessing.  There were some very difficult periods, times when I thought I was going mad, but I stuck with it, had to….there was no going back to Kansas.  So much of my own coming to a greater place of peace was learning how to find a new arrangement of self.  Ego slipped to the back of the bus, stopped driving and was happier in its lesser role within the larger me.  Kundalini itself has not been what has been described as some as being dangerous.  Ro my own experience, kundalini is our evolutionary spiral, a kind of destiny in a way….since its encoded into our very cells and waits for the time that it can bloom from within.  
Every struggle I have ever had always resolved back to ego, and K. was only involved in a coincidental way (it was the bearer of truth until I learned to align to its truth—-the pain and trouble I felt was a lack of alignment to IT—which is merely the higher frequency asserting itself).  This success, if I am to call it that, has been possible as a result of an unconditional act of surrender, of finding my place in my larger being, which is that I am really quite small but like a cell in a still larger body.  When I can stop pretending I know who and what I am, I am suddenly free to BE it. No effort required. No thought, no method.  I used to love listening to that song by Van Morrison entitled In The Garden.  In it, he reaches a state of samadhi along with a friend or lover.  They were sitting out in a garden without a guru or teacher “just you and me and nature…”  In the process of letting go, all old hurts rose also.  I bid them farewell, kissed them and wrapped them up and freed them to the universe.  Born again, like small children with a new future.  Their freedom was my freedom, and the cords that were cut went back to my first year of life and as each was loosened I could feel, energetically, how my past was loosened from them and I suspected that all probably pasts, alternate pasts of my own paths not taken were themselves transformed by this quite sudden healing and loosening of those karmic ties.  Increasingly, freedom became something that resolved into a vibrant and rich delicacy that was finer than any morsel you could imagine.  I wanted this for everyone, but I also knew the path isn’t easy…..but is getting easier….and different….as we each in our turn awaken.  
During a hard period in my process, I had a guide enter my field of awareness, someone whom I would call my “zen guy” who appeared and sat looking at me before he explained that the process I thought I was engaged in wasn’t such a difficult one.  I was just making it difficult as a result of my lack of awareness (there is that word again).  He explained that there was this vibrant template that was continually changing, evolving, that was the result of thousands and thousands of years worth of seeking and earnest prayer and meditation.   “For you, the problem is so simple it does not appear as a problem at all; you need only take one small step into this blueprint in order to know it.  The new human is you, waiting for you to animate it….”  There wasn’t anything for me to do except accept it.  It was just that simple.  I had made all of this self improvement to be like ploughing a field or splitting wood; it was hard arduous work.  I was ploughing a field, blind, not realizing it had already been prepared for me.  It wasn’t my job to do that….but ego had taken it upon itself in its own sense of needing to control and be in on the deal, to make it feel as though it was doing what was important to do.  When I let go, all of that perception began to change as I learned that some things are simply beyond my pay grade.  And that is okay.  It is as it should be.  My zen guy explained it was much simpler than I had even thought.  With the light of awareness, I was able to step out of my old conceptions and into something new and different.  What if it really IS simpler than we had thought?  All of this changed when I could simply change how I felt, how I reacted, how I let go the need to be so engaged in the way I had been in the past.  I was beginning to get the memo….
All trouble I have had has been the result of ego, a plant whose roots are deep within the self. Through it I have seen shadow when I could have also seen light.  It has been utterly invested in all the harm and hurt done to it and it has been a driving force in developing emotional attachments to hurt and trauma which we call negative karma.  As long as these patterns remain embedded in us, we are prisoners to what this energy attracts as well as how it makes us feel and which Kundalini can highlight in the most perfect of ways (which it does by its simply setting up the perfect divine vibration until all the other dissonant parts are dropped so that the whole self can ring like it rings, vibrates like IT vibrates….which is what I call Divine Alignment….and its then that authentic peace is known)  
Ego can be transplanted, thankfully, and this seems to work wonders. Fear, anxiety, pain….all of this is not the result of kundalini, but the resistance to it, to a very natural flow of energy coming in. It is a shift in awareness that goes from the smallest cell to the largest form within.  No part of you is spared, and the only way is through unconditional surrender.  Keeping it simple within has allowed me to slip through many doorways that would have been shut.  And through each one, love has emerged.  This is a complex love full of sensuality, peace, passion, and a desire that would make most run red-faced from the room.  And yet, we are this.  Sometimes overpowering and difficult to balance, we grow used to 24/7 bliss, and learn to anchor this on the planet.  For you, for us, for all of it, because all of these awakenings are setting up a resonant frequency.  More will awaken in their own time.  And when that happens, there will be so many of us we will have festivals and bands that are getting the vibe…and we wont feel like such strange off-planet creatures but a wonderful emergent group leading the way in our own simple fashion.  
One of the simplest ways of getting quiet and feeling into that part where there seems to be nothing is to breath.  Breath, some say, is prana, but prana is prana, regardless of breath.  What breath does, in all truth, is it quiets your mind.  It helps you to settle.  And if you breath gently and fully, you will reach a place where thought slows and even stops.  If you breath through each nostril with a finger holding each nostril for four breaths per nostril, you will very likely see what I mean just how calming this can be.  I had a student who was anxious and I had her do this and she asked me what I wad doing to her; she said it felt like opium.  When we return to this centered place, we can feel those currents of energy in us that were a moment before crowded out through endless thought, worry, and uncertainty. All of this is quite simple, but we make of it a complexity that it need not be.  We are gloriously beautiful beings, shimmering and pulsing with the universe.  We are both individual and universal, and this is the wonderful thing.  While I do not agree that this world is an illusion, I have always held that this world is a CREATION and what we are making is a reflection of where we are karmically.  We are on the forward edge of something remarkable. 
Rumi, the great illuminated poet, once said there is a field…..I will meet you there.

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