Tantric

I am a mystic tantric.  Must be. Since kundalini, it is here continuously.  The bliss flows and the only issue really is how to deal with it.  How to remain sane with such incredible energy moving through me.  

I am not a monk.  But if I were, it's a tantric monk. The world is steeped in this honied passion, a living breathing flame that engulfs everything, a woman for her man, a man for his woman. The two currents that flow into and out of each other in a continual loop of passion and ecstasy.  

The sun shine is passionate, the water that flows is passionate, the wind that blows is passionate, the energy moving through every living and nonliving thing is passionate.  it is creative, it seeks to create…..be it through making more of itself through sexual union or through other forms of creation.  Tantra is the fuel for driving to the stars.  

When it grows to such strength  it can become difficult.  Its not always easy to simply flow all the time. This leads, for me, to a kind of blissed out state that leaves me feeling fuzzy and out of focus.  I have a hard time focusing on much of anything.  I forget things.  I also worry about how I might forget something important later on, too.  I do what I can to ground myself.  I have, from the beginning, always sensed that this grounding has happened by the universal current moving from one pole of the energy spectrum to the other.  The feminine pole within takes the energy of the masculine, but within me it only serves to build. I look to the archetype of the Goddess and feel my energy being discharged through all that She is. In the earth, in the water, in all of the things on the planet. I have felt the Goddess and her presence has grown in my own awareness over time.  In the beginning she gave birth to me in a dream that marked the beginning of a radical shift in my awakening. Since then, She has become much more of a vivid and tangible force in my life even though she hides in all things.  Hidden but not hidden.  So often I imagine that my hands reach to her heart and the energy flows.  This can help, and often leads to a kind of sense of devotion to a great mystery that is consciousness.

Some adherents are tantric and move energy through the ecstasy of creative sexual energy and others use the energy in something called sublimation. No one way is better, just different.  I find I do both, and it is mostly a matter of focus or intent.  It happens as your attention or will directs or wishes.  I try to focus as much of my energy upwards through sublimation so that it can be used for creative work.  When it is not sublimated it just gets so strong its difficult to deal with sometimes when being alone.  Its like building a static charge and not having anywhere to release it.  Most often I do devotional work.  And by this, ANYTHING can be devotional…..and I prefer NOT to do obviously devotional work.  Taking flower bulbs and dividing them so they will have more room to grow is a form of devotion.  Holding a door for someone, anyone, is an act of devotion.  Sending prayerful thoughts to someone having a hard time, also devotional. And simply living life like a prayer; devotion. 

But it gets hard being a tantric type.  it isn’t that its about sex.  It isn’t in truth.  Its a force that runs so deep….its not sex like I have ever known.  It is a top to bottom ecstasy that requires of me strong reliance on my brightest nature to move through such deep waters, such powerful waterfalls and rapids.  I find I must let go entirely sometimes if I am simply to remain sane.  And I say this because I am merely human. I am not suited to sitting in a temple or ashram for hours, although sometimes my favorite thing is lying on hard cool concrete with my eyes closed feeling the pulse of the universe.  I understand how people can live in such simple surrounds.  When you have this kind of  bliss, it tends to melt desire for things very quickly.  Once you do gain the world, anything else pales in comparison. Everything becomes a dance of the masculine and feminine.  One flows into the other and out of the other and back into the other endlessly as an engine of awakening and awareness and healing.  I am trying to come to peace with the singular nature of my path and not going one way or the other but remaining in balance.  

The path itself has led to awareness of the god and goddess all around me and in me.  I say this because we are in truth one petal on a much larger flower; we live in time and yet our spirits are eternal and all existences can be touched upon in their sheer boundlesness…more petals on an eternal soul where space and time become irrelevant, tools for being but not some ultimate reality.  We are each infinite NOW.  We just wake up to it, like a flower opens to itself and feels and then sees just how limitless it is. There are gods and goddesses of you at larger scales, dimensions, and they can be called upon for tremendous healing work.  Remarkable things await if you can allow yourself to roam into these lands of being. The pagans had it right; the gods and goddesses live within us.  And they do.  The god of me, the goddess of you…..they exist just as surely as do you.  And its not about some great sacralege….for above all resides this very refined thing, its quiet and unassuming and curious and alive.  Its what we all are, and yet we have all gone our own way.  How do I explain this being?  it is without form, yet it exists within all form and has all form moving through it.  It is like a distillation of all that is as the sweetest essence.  And never have I seen a face or body but certainly have felt this great approachability.  I tell it that I very much just want to be like it.  I have spent so many lifetimes mucking it up, Id like to begin modeling it on something really quite outrageously great but also so simple.  Everything, yes, but without a bland bone in its body.  Vibrant, alive.  It loves all, serves all, reveres all and so does not take any sides.  Its on my side, your side, even thugs out on the street or the bullies who go home bruised and battered.  The love is perfect and powerful, royal and brilliant.  And it just wants love and creation.  Create create create…..and part of this is the desire which it says is a great secret which it is trying to get across to me….a little something that Buddha dealt with, but because I am so unread and unlearned of other traditions, I will have to get it written down to see if its unique thought.  The las lesson from it was that desire is actually NOT the bad thing….its actually THE thing.  The problem with desire is the karma that taints our perceptions.  I think I need to make it into a little book or something.  I think it might be a good perspective on how to reach the divine way through love and desire.