Through The Winter - The Woodlands

It's the song more than the video.  You can get it on i-Tunes!  Enjoy!

'Tis The Season

It is easy I think to become jaded by the commercialism in the holiday season. Yet, when you leave all the clamor and noise that rush of activity behind by turning off the t.v. and radio, staying away from the mall long enough to catch your breath, there is a silence and quiet that I feel located in this time of year.  The earth it going to sleep.  Much of life is slowing down.  Even the animals slow down and sleep more, resting as their summer feasting has lain up stores of fat as the leaner times come.  Snow falls in some parts of the country which muffles sound and brings an even greater quietness.

It is in times like this that I consider why we have had winter festivals, feast days and events that helped to bring light and warmth to a darkening world as  earth moves further from the sun and the days grows shorter.  These events I like.  I don't care for the affiliations involved because I sense the impulse goes beyond a birth or an event in our past.  We all share I think some sense or desire for wanting to cuddle up close to the fire or cocoon a little, drink warm drinks, light candles, and listen to the great emptiness that comes not so much, for me, as a sad thing, but as one of the periods for renewal to come as life will surely burst forth with such vigor as buds gasp the new air and the soil warms to bear all kinds of life from insects emerging from egg sacks to seeds sprouting. Winter is an expression of the seasons that take place in the soul, and we need this expression of the seasons on the outside to help mirror the changing seasons within. For those who have seasonal change, it is a sense of how one energy transmutes into another, how one energy phase assists another, how one slips away trusting another will surely come and do its work.  It is like a dance, and it is little wonder that we like to personify the seasons.  Winter is a Jack Frost type while the Summer is a ripe and child-bearing Goddess whose hair flows out into the roots and rivers and summery spider webs that glisten in the full day sun. Winter, then, is a time for reflection, for going quiet as earth goes quiet.  We tell stories, we look deep within and consider the harvest of excitement that took place in those often too short Spring and Summer months.  So in places like this, we have for many thousands, tens of thousands of years, had festivals, feasts, that took place in the dead of night and in the deep middle of winter.  There is something exciting and very different from a fest night taken on a December night then one taken in July.....at least here in the Appalachian mountains where the Blue Ridge meets the Allegheny mountain chain.

It is against such a backdrop that I like to take time and make things.  I stop and make some things for the house and the Christmas tree to make it look even more festive.  One of my children and I made ornaments out of clay; funny little penguins that I think would be a great hit in the gallery once we get them glazed and fired. I took time and made a short series of very elegant ornaments to fill out the tree.  A teapot was made out of raku clay and was fired. The house has been decorated with garlands and it smells of pine and cinnamon.  Candles are placed everywhere to help light the space when electric lights just wont do.

I like fresh food, too.  More than ever. I think that when it comes to food that when we eat in moderation, even things that we might think are somehow too indulgent or not good for us really aren't.  We were told years ago about how bad eggs and fats in meat were, only to learn afer a fed decades of eating margarine that this thinking was all wrong.  I say eat what you want, observe moderation, enjoy what you eat and sometimes, yes, that means eating something with rich creamery butter, cream, and sugar. If you can't be moved, I suggest you skip this little article because the truth is, its all about indulgence, butter, sugar, and cream.

Enter the Cosmic Truffle....

I got into making truffles after my daughter and I picked up some Godiva truffles in a local store about a month ago, and I was saddened to find what poor quality they were from the same ones I had about 18 years ago.  The recipe I am including brings back the wonderful quality I remember dancing on my taste buds (and at a fraction of the price!).  


Chocolate Truffles
 Makes 12 to 30 truffles depending on size

12 oz semisweet morsels (get the best quality you can find; Girhadelli and Lindt are some of the best)
1/2 cup heavy cream, ultrapasteurized
1 tsp pure vanilla

Place morsels in a pan and add the cream and vanilla.  Turn heat on medium to low being careful not to get too hot.  Mix the ingredients slowly as they all melt in together.  If the chocolate bubbles, it is too hot.  A whisk works well in breaking down the chips/morsels quickly.  This will become what is called a ganache, which is a smooth and rich sauce that will have your mind reeling with its possibilities once you take a taste of it warm.  Once mixed evenly, take off the heat and allow to cool on the counter for about thirty minutes. Then refrigerate for up to four hours or until the mix has hardened enough to scoop into balls.

Rolling the truffles

Have a small bowl or plate with enough cocoa sifted into it to roll and coat the truffles once they have been rolled into balls. Have another plate or small tray that can be placed into the refrigerator later once the truffles have been made. You can also use nutmeats for rolling also. These should be ground into small pieces.  Nutmeats often benefit from being roasted in the oven for 5-8 minutes even if they have already been roasted.  You can use peanut, pecan, walnut, macadamia, and any other nut that you find that you like on truffles ( including toasted coconut!).

Bear in mind that the cooler the truffle mix is, the less messy it will be on your hands.  Having said that, your hands will get coated with a fine layer of chocolate anyway.  Some choose to use rubber gloves. If you go sans gloves, make sure your hands are washed well.  Having a helper who can either scoop the ganache and roll the balls or to roll the truffles in nuts or cocoa can be a good way to go about making these confections.

Scoop up enough of the chocolate and roll in your hands to make a ball.  The key to consistently sized truffles is in the scooping. Some say using a melon baller helps with portioning in a more exact way.

Once the truffles have been prepared, place them in the refrigerator to cool and keep.  I like to place the truffles in the super small paper baking cups used for miniature cupcakes which are often found in the baking section of the store.  These make them easier to handle post-rolling and makes it easier to place into small gift boxes for packaging.

Truffles will stay good using this recipe for approximately two weeks....IF they last that long!

Additions and Modifications

Truffles dipped in chocolate candy shell then drizzled with a vanilla shell

There is a lot that you can do to dress up a truffle.  I think they are perfect roled in cocoa, but there are all kinds of things that you can roll a truffle in to dress it up and to add to its flavor which include a range of different nuts and candy shells.  I think that when it comes to presentation, these varieties help to dress things up some and add excitement to the eye.

 If you want to use coconut, I recommend roasting it in the oven for a few minutes, long enough to give it a browned look.  If you can get unsweetened coconut flake, this will brown more evenly since sugar will burn quickly.  Watch the coconut in either case to observe its roasting.  Every oven is different and coconut can go from perfect to singed in a matter of seconds!  I am going to try a coconut powder I found in my Asian market that I think might be very interesting both as a coating as well as a mixture in with the truffles for texture.

I will add that I think that for my taste, coconut works very well for white chocolate truffles which are made the same way that the chocolate truffles are except white chocolate is used instead of the semisweet chocolate.  They also add a different color that stands out amongst a the sea of brown.

 You can add the zest of orange to your cream and vanilla mix to add a nice compliment to the truffles.  Add the orange before adding the chocolate.  Some strain out the zest while some like to keep it in for added flavor and texture. Use at least one orange, but two will give a richer flavor.  Allow this to simmer for several minutes on low in order to get a good infusion of flavor.  Bear in mind that this may also reduce the cream which can make the truffles stiffer to handle and eat.  Either add several tablespoons more cream or work the truffles in the rolling stage at a warmer temperature.  Reduced cream truffles will have a longer shelf life (up to a month for stiff truffles).

A note on using orange:  I like to use organic oranges since oranges get sprayed with a lot of chemicals to protect them from fungal infection.

A very nice addition is two teaspoons of instant coffee into the cream.  These make a rich mocha truffle that might well be even better then straight truffles.  I recommend this addition!  You can use the cheapest instant coffee available in this case.   

Cinnamon is a nice addition to truffles and can be added in small amounts to add extra richness or flavor.   Use less than half a teaspoon, and three pinches might even be just enough for a subtle addition of flavor when you don't want to overwhelm the truffles with cinnamon. 

Rum and  flavored liqueurs can be used for adding different hints of flavor.   Almond extract can also be a nice addition as well. Amaretto is very nice and works really well with coffee.   Extracts are strong, so add small amounts and test for your own taste with half a teaspoon as a starting point (now taste and adjust as necessary!).  Two teaspoons of flavored liqueurs is a good place to start.

You can also try adding cayenne pepper if you like a hot kick.  How much is enough?  This will be up to you since tastes vary.   I recommend using a solid piece of cayenne pepper if you can get it in order to infuse the heat into your truffles.  This way, you can remove the cayenne from the mix.  In the case of infusing any addition to the truffle recipe, add the infusion TO the cream without adding the morsels if you want to remove the remnants of the infuser. 

One final addition to consider:  the truffle can be frozen and then dipped in a chocolate candy shell which is a nice way to present the truffle while also making it cleaner to handle once dipped. Freezing the already rolled truffle will be necessary for this step since the chocolate shell must be heated for dipping.  This gives the truffle a mix of chocolate with the semi-sweet richness in a very pleasing way.  These shells can be found in the baking section of your grocery and most often come in a brick or tiled brick pattern for breaking into smaller pieces.  Most often they come in chocolate and vanilla.  You can take some of the warm vanilla and press through a decorating bag or press to give your truffles dipped in the chocolate shell a refined look.  Or you can take the warmed shell and drizzle it with your finger or off the side of a knife like I have done in the pictures you see here.

It is true that truffles ascend into mystic levels of wonder and delight.....

Whatever you choose or don't choose to add to the recipe, a truffle in its primal state is a glory to behold and even more glorious to eat!

I think that presentation is important.  I think we eat with our eyes as much as we do with our mouths, so I go to places like Dollar Tree and I find boxes that are perfect for placing the truffles in them and giving them as gifts.  I think it helps to show the level of care and time taken.  The truffle might only last a few moments when eating it, but the gesture lasts like a warm glow in the hearts who receive such a gift.  The boxes I found were in both red and gold foil and were just deep enough for the truffles to rest in.  You could also buy Chinese take-out boxes, line them with tissue paper to separate the layers (use several layers to act as a cushion and separator) and pack in a lions share of cocoa covered, nut covered, and candy-coated truffles for a glorious buffet of rich sweet delight!

So I hope that this helps to get the wheels turning in your heart and head about fun things that you could make, or ways to make your holiday season a little more special and fun.  And if you are wrung out from all of the hurdy-gurdy of the season, consider this idea as a great Valentine primer when February rolls around!

~Parker

Shedding Karma

I think we tend to feel like karma is one of those things that you have to repay, like an absolute debt.  My experience varies from my previous conception of what I thought karma is.  I have since found the words of Taishen Deshimuru, a Zen master, who, in the book The Ring Of The Way, explains the same idea that karma can be released.  If karma was a choice, it sure makes sense that releasing it is also a choice.  Elegant. 

It starts with forgiveness.  This forgiveness allows you to stop holding in your consciousness and subconsciousness the very things that keep a karma active.  This experience of forgiveness does not involve forgiving others, although in my case I thought perhaps I needed to forgive them.  But just as the divine emerges not from without but within, the place to begin is with yourself.  Forgiving to its deepest level in you is the way to releasing karma.  This is no ordinary form of forgiving.  It is total.  It does not hold anything back.  It is the realization in the moment that all of this came about because of how you chose to see and feel about the world.  This governed your actions, your thoughts and beliefs. This is the way.  It is not some short cut, some lazy person's guide to the cosmic.  When you reach into forgiveness in the way I have had to, you touch the sublime, the divine.  In that moment you feel how it is you and you are it.  This is why I say that karma is itself the result of our turning away from the divine within us.  In so doing, we forget our true nature and we became separate from what is real and fall into illusory things that are not the ultimate reality.  They seem real because they have been created and their reality can be observed, but in digging deeper, you begin to see how they do not align with the divine.  They just don't.  

In awakening one sheds this karma, these soul scars as the Hindus call them, in what is in layered fashion.  Some believe that kundalini must go from root to crown in order to be complete, and while the initial "shot" of the energy does this, once the energy is in awareness, it most certainly follows its own agenda in a sense, following a path of least resistance, flowing to the next place that must have the old knots dissolved.  Over and over this happens until the energy body or light body is swept clear of all of this material. You have to be an active participant in this "process" and be willing to be led by it.  This is the inner guru at work.  

In my experience thus far I have had a number of clearing in the heart center.  In each case, the energy went on to other areas to help release whatever was next.  I have had it go into the third eye, into the throat, then the heart, then into a place in the upper lung region, down into my kidneys and root, before returning to the heart.  The first clearing I had in my heart left me feeling as though I was in a huge room.  This was a very vivid sense that I had.  I always felt as if my heart space was about the size of...well....my heart.  In this experience, this space opened up into a space that felt like a gymnasium.  It felt suddenly very empty somehow, incredibly roomy.  It was a new feeling. I experienced an angelic being come into the room and reach down and pull material out through my heart center, which was like hooking me up to a direct current to cosmic love.  I felt a similar yet very different sense of being clear and open in my body.  I then experienced a series of powerful heart openings in the wake of this experience that introduced me to the concept of kriyas.  After these series of episodes I found that I could find information just by thinking about it and it would tend to come through other people....books, articles, a suggestion to check out something or someone who had read a book. Some pathway to manifesting had somehow improved for me through this experience.  Then, about a year later, I became aware of a very difficult pain in my heart that I had not felt before.  I worked with this for about a year before I had this pain removed by releasing the karma. Along with this came scenes from a past life having to do with the Grand Inquisitor.  I am unsure of the country I was in, but in releasing this pain, I was returned to a state that I can only describe as radiant. 

Each of these experiences were themselves singular and each a turning point each time. Each were like dying to what I was in order to enter into a new life, revealed in he same way as a petal might open layer by layer. 

As a result of my experience I trust my own experience and don't allow the works of others to tell me what I should think.  This is an individual process and we are all built differently.  It could be said that we each accumulated this material in our own way and we have to take it all off in our own way too.  The way that a very deep scar gained in this life is removed is different from how a deep scar that is lifetimes old is removed.  This is I think a dynamic process and the removal of one karma effects what falls away next.  It is like a poetry of the soul and less a science.  

Also I think that if you follow what others say you might wind up being caught in conceptual or beliefs that are limiting.  If someone tells you that the process is supposed to go from root to corwn and no other, you might find yourself doubting your experience if it goes contrary to this.  It might stir fear or worry or concern that something just isn't right.  Well, yes, something isn't quite right, but it may not be in the way that you think or assume it to be.  

Listen to yourself. Even if it turns out you were off the mark because this is not a race.  This is about YOU.  The more you can learn to trust you, the better enabled you will be in trusting your experience.  When people start speaking in absolutes, this is when the critical thinking has to come to the fore.  Some things do appear as being quite absolute, like love being the universe.  But when it gets into exact ways things must be done, let your intuition guide you and follow what you feel is right.  For now, that is the best thing I think for learning the poetry of your own soul. 

The Voice

I once was speaking with a friend about how necessary it is for us to live what we speak.  The curious thing about this is that when we don't, when we say what we think we should say but do't really feel or understand, we aren't holding authentic power.  Now power itself has a lot of associations, and the power that I am speaking of is what you are, your truth, what you embody here and now.

Not long after speaking to this friend, who is a family friend who went through her own awakening some years back, I came across an introduction to a book by Ram Dass.  He explained that he was talking to his teacher and his teacher was wondering why he had not learned something more fully from his previous teacher.  Dass was himself curious about why this was so and his teacher quipped simply that the reason why Dass had not learned it, even though his previous teacher taught or espoused it, was because his own teacher did not embody or live the teaching.  There was something in there that the teacher had not fully integrated into himself and as a result, it could not be expected that the student would pick it up even if it was conveyed perfectly to Ram Dass.

In the same way, we can also deny or be blind to what our teachers do embody because we ourselves do not embody it.  It is a lot like what children do in their teen years, thinking that their parents are clueless people who just don't know the ways of the world. Ego does this, of course, and blinds us to the truth of the matter.  We project upon the world what we are, which is that we ourselves are the ones who are without the clue. Only in time do we get the opportunity to see what it was that we had missed. 

As a result of this, I stay away from proclaiming what I know to be true but that I myself do not embody.  I know that it is a waste of time to do this.  I write from my heart, from the very essence of who and what I am.  I do not hide what work remains within me to do and my book Waking The Infinite seeks to use my own shortcomings along the way to help point out how we misperceive things due to our own lack of awareness.

Very recently I have begun to reclaim my voice in a way I have not done before. I had felt the stirrings of this for some time, but had not put all the pieces together. I realized that I have had some traces of fear related to our own authentic power and inner voice that I had not fully recognized.  I very recently had to stand up for myself, to do what was right for me as a simple act of honor and respect for others.  Even though this was not honored, I knew that the true voice does not bend when it is in its truth.  People have freewill to ignore and to deny, but if we get caught up in making them see the way, we only heap karma upon karma.  Letting people to be free to be who they are and what they want to be is the single biggest gift that we can give to others.  It si the only gift that will ever matter in the end, I think.  And from that we will be free to be ourselves beyond all of our karmic threads that have bound us for so long. 

The path right now is disentangling ourselves from all those old threads.  What the world looks like beyond those tangles is for another day, for right now, we all honor ourselves by bringing love and self responsibility to the moment.  True strength lies in letting those be who they feel they need to be while our own inner bliss is not moved or lessened one iota.  Our jobs here, those who awaken, I believe, is to simply anchor this bliss so others remember that there is a better way. 

The Rush

Do not fear the rush of the energy; it means to undo you.  Yes, the impulse is to fear it, to back away, for yes it means the end of you.  It means an end to all you hold so close to you in such amazing unyielding ways. Let the rush take you.  It is only the river and this river will yield unto a great sea which will yield unto an even greater ocean.  This ocean yields to the earth and the earth yields to space even as space yields to it.  All of life yields, for this is the way to the infinite.  We do not hold back in this, we give up, we let go.  Do not fear the rush.  It only means to teach you to yield.  What remains will be what you could not have imagined.  When you face the fear the fear changes.  When you face the death it too changes into rebirth.  There is no death that does not itself hide its greater purposes by your own folly and illusion. 

Silly human; you are immortal.  Walking away from countless deaths, innumerable graves, you have conquered death by being what you are.  And each idea, belief, that is remade to mirror the great divine reality will itself be given up, in truth, in the same exact way, the same exact way, that you will die.  See? You are given an opportunity to know what death is when you enter into this work. It requires you to be brave.  What exactly do you think you will lose?  Your life?  Your sanity?  Your idea of what you thought you were?  Why is there a problem?  Do not fear the rush.  It means to undo you and send you to your death over and over until in dying and being reborn in small measures to a new day dawning, you learn bit by bit what I am conveying to you.  Freewill; you alone decide when you are ready. We all wait in the river with you shivering, fearful, at the edge of the cliffs.  Yes, it is a long way.  Yes, there are rocks.  Yes you feel uncertain. And yet, here you are.  Yield.  All of life will eventually yield.  It is the most beautiful thing.  You must, must must must die to yourself.  How many times must it be said?  Over and over.  Speak it and sing it until your soul rises shining until you realize its simple elusive truth.  It is what you are.  Your very essence which you have been hiding from.  And in so doing, you have kept the rush of its force at bay.   So scream and cry; let it all out:  the river stretches out beneath you and it means to take you to that great sea which opens, gulf-like into a still broader ocean.  Of bliss.  Of love.  Away from your shame, and everything you have so fervently sought.  This old stuff, it just isn't working.  We all know it.  SOmething isn't quite right.  It is enough to bring you to the cliffs. And here, we will each fall and fly, soar and swim and find that unbearable lightness that are our souls. 

Never fear yielding.  Never fear letting go. Never fear losing your security never fear losing your life.  You will lose it all anyway in the course of time and you will be delivered, countless lives, back into the same flow, again and again until in, yielding, you cease to be pulled by the flow and enter into a new life.  This will be the same as it has always been; dying into each life which is a rebirth---glorious and wonderful, magnificent and miraculous.  It is true that human perceptions of these things very often arise first as terrible nightmares until they are met and our fear dissolves as we seek to know the truth and not the lenses which we have held up believing them true. 

The Great Battle

Image Source:  http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll187/BoanergeSCorp/BoanergeS/warheaven.jpg

Battle is a concept that is used in many spiritual traditions to describe what happens to us as we change spiritually.  There are battles in heaven over us and creation, battles of angels, there is the battle of the self with its shadow self.  There are battles to establish a new order.

All of these sell well and raise a lot of attention.  They make for great books, movies and products.  But the battle within ones self is not the path to enlightenment.  As long as you are struggling, as long as you are fighting with someone or yourself, your demons or anything else, you have not reached the place you need to be in order to achieve the divine.  Awakening is about the end of battle, of the struggle and noble effort.  It sells and may make maidens swoon, but its not real.

What is real is the day you lay aside all struggle with all your problems and realize who and what you are.  When you let go in this way, instead of engaging as you always have with some enemy within or without, you will attain the kingdom, the bliss, cosmic awareness, enlightenment.  ALL ascension experiences involve letting go and surrendering.  That hardly makes for a great epic battle. Yes, you may seem to see that there was a battle before the great peace comes over you, but it is not now nor ever wil be because of the battle you just fought. It is only because you let all thought of battles and struggles go.  You let this concept go because you realized that what you are is within you.  No battle will ever bring you this. Do you NEED to have a battle to learn that battles are not the answer?  Perhaps, and if that is what must be, then so be it. But the trick is you actually learn this one truth instead of joining in yet another battle. Conflict is not the way.  Truth is the way.  Your truth.  As long as you see or feel there is some conflict in your and someone elses outlook or belief, then you are in a struggle with what the divine is all about. It is your inner guru telling you it is time to let go, surrender, forgive, and let those who choose one way to be what they most need to be in the moment.

I know; there are all kinds of reasons for why we must battle.  We tell ourselves in the moment just how important it is to right a wrong or to fix something. Even in our world we do battles with countries based on the thinnest of reasons. Mushroom clouds over Baghdad only to find there was never such a desire to build a bomb. The U.S.S. Liberty, the most decorated war ship, was strafed by unmarked jets in an effort to sink her for a reason for the U.S. to go to war (Johnson called off air support so the attack could proceed so public outcry would be enough for him to go to war).  Eye witness accounts surfaced later that this was the case, so this was not a question, but during the wake of the event these facts were hidden by denial and threats leveled upon those who were there to see what happened.  Humans do this  in normal battles as much as they do it in spiritual battles with ourselves.  It does not matter whether it happens on a world stage or an individual one.  It is all the same.  We come up with a problem based on an incomplete awareness of what this "problem" is, when in truth, there is no problem anything more than a lack of perspective, or awareness about what is true.  So battles comes about based on a rather specious set of reasons for the most part.  Sure; there are always good justifications.  Most often, we find, the reason for the battle or invasion was built on a lie.  A deception.  And that is what this all is.  The need to do battle is a deceptive practice that will never bring you any closer to your divine nature or the truth of the matter. Once you see the underside to this part of the world, you can appreciate that on the world stage, we are rarely given the larger reasons.  Because of this, the United States has become something of a bully on this stage for our philosophy of preemptive war, which of course takes the madness to an all new level.  It may seem you must correct what you see as wrong, but I ask you; what in the world does not itself contain its own divine guidance and purpose? You can intervene, you can lend your voice, you can use the power of the pulpit if you must, but when it comes to striking and destroying something in order to set it right, we each involve in destroying our perception of the divine.  The belief in battle itself serves to hide or obfuscate the divine within all.  And it is there. To understand this requires insight, compassion, and great strength.  A willingness to step back and ask the hard questions. If someone says "trust me, I know" then you are being asked to make a decision based on incomplete evidence. And in such a case, you are likely not to be told the real reason why. There is always a better solution than war within or without you.  It may not be easily seen in the heat of the moment, but that is also why it is such a powerful teacher.  Its reasons and purposes are not always seen in moments such as this and their rewards are thus far greater as  a result.  It will be a good day when we not just outlaw war (this is something that the U.S. actually did even though most are unaware of the legislation that exists that codified this effort---it was a law that has not since been adhered to even though it was in fact passed by the Congress).

The only battle is in you to realize once and for all that battle is not the way to a better world.

Tantric Energy

All energy will be experienced as bliss when the appropriate volume of it is channeled through your awareness.  The only difference tantric energy has from other forms is the route that it passes through your awareness.....how it is moved, channeled, and how it is interpreted.  The yearning to merge into the deity is not always tantric, but tantric energy is a powerful way to do this since it is by its nature about union.  But all energy serves to merge one into union also, so no one energy is better than another since this, I sense, is all life force, and part of a continuum of energy that is all a part of this thing called kundalini.  Sublimation, for example, takes the more sexual side of the experience and channels it "upwards" into other centers for different experience, or to fuel other experiences.  This is in effect using the fire of kundalini to entrain and utilize it for less obvious purposes (at first) to help in refining the self and reach higher states of awareness.  There will simply be different focuses, interests, or desires. However, don't take this to mean that any one means will not require you to feel.  The path to the divine is the path of feeling. The language of the deity is feeling.  Thus, too, the language of the universe is through feeling.  The more distanced you are from feeling, the more distanced you are from yourself. This is the lesson of karma, which is the VERY act of distancing yourself from your true original and primordial nature.  You will not come to the divine bundled in your conceptualizations of what it is  You will instead be stripped bare of everything you ever thought you knew. You will be stripped of your shame, your hatred, your anger, your hurt, your jealousy, your illusions, and in a way you will also lose your life in order to make the radical step away from the world that has been built here that has been bits of truth used as mortar to hold together edifices of illusion and all the things and more that the divine will strip you of just in order to experience what It is. 

Those familiar with my writing know that I awoke without any practice, no locks or mudras or meditative practice to speak of.  Mine was spontaneous in a sense, but also the result of a process of relinquishing inner material that allowed the two energies within to merge into union and begin the fire of awakening.  As such, while I know that there are methods and techniques that have been used for centuries for kundalini, I also feel that it is also possible to navigate awakening using your own intuitive abilities since these become much sharper as you awaken.  Many who have awakened in the same spontaneous way as I have also tend to report that they have a greater tendency toward a self reliant process and using their own experience as the guidebook or ruler.  I am not saying a practice is of no value, for it certainly CAN be, I just feel that you should observe and watch for what is useful and not take anything entirely on faith.  Believing that breath IS prana may work until you realize you can raise prana without the aid of breath, and then what does this mean?  Yes, a practice might work, but as is so often the case a practice is seeking to substitute a physical movement to mirror an inner energetic FEELING of some kind.  It is FEELING that allows energy to move.  FEELING enables the release of blocks.  It is true that when many blocks are released in awakening, it comes with a flush of feeling, of emotion, that was the stored up energy of the emotional block itself.  You do not get to awakening by way of 1 +1 =2.  It is not a logical process, but entrains both sides of the consciousness in this process.  As a result, if you go about this in a one-sided way without your left and right brain sides engaged, your experience will also tend to be limited and one-sided.  Awakening can bloom into a remarkable experience to the degree that YOU allow it.  So what someone may have created as a practice may help in some ways, the root of the practice is almost always meant to get you to a place of feeling.  Even mudras, which shift in subtle ways how energy flows through the  hands and the rest of the body, these shifts change how you feel. You can actually block the delicate effect of what a mudra offers and not notice its effects at all.  In order to feel it, you have to be able to quiet the mind and turn up the inner volume of your energy body.  You become more sensitive, more feeling.  I am not suggesting that you become more EMOTIONAL, although emotion will naturally have a part in this.  Emotion yes, but not swept away and out of control. 

The pure pulse of tantra is what one feels on ones own with no other.  We have inculcated others in it because it feels so closely aligned to what we feel sexually, but you will feel the tantric flow of bliss whether you are with someone or not.  We have become so focused on tantra as sex that we have lost sight of what it is deeper down. Deeper down, it is a very powerful and pure way to be.  It is a way that lives without shame, that allows ones self to feel pure bliss and not feel bad for doing so.  It is just a sideward step to sexual union because there is a lot of clear up about our shame regarding sex.  But the inner guru, the soul which has no shame and seeks this union with the divine which can lead you to where you need to go. There is a curious issue, though, regarding transcending this plane to be in this perfect bliss.  the issue is that we have the capability to visit these realms and even begin to anchor this feeling in our own lives here in an ongoing way, but until our very earthly karma is resolved, there will remain "problems" in our becoming the guru inside of us.  We will be limited in some way.  And yes, as you refine and release those old soul scars, it will bring you ever closer to this inner guru and to the infinite resting within.....but it is important to be honest with yourself about what works remains in you to do.   The power of the tantric flow is in you as a birthright.  You have identified others as the object of that flow just as you own karma has guided you to them.  To move beyond karma means dissolving the karma within and realizing who you are inside.  We are here to heal the karma, wake up to who we are and help bring heaven to earth before we ourselves leave for parts unknown. 

Awakening is facing death each day and conquering it; every challenge surmounted, ever fear surrendered is given up when we die to the resistance we feel in relation to it.  This is, for most, what death is. We resist it.  It means the end of us, we think or believe.  Our feet resist the forward motion through time even though we are powerless to stop it.  And yet, at some point, most of us will experience the surrender to give into it in peace instead of struggle.  When we give in and allow ourselves to die, we discover not a blotting out of what we were, but a blooming of what we were always meant to become.  Sadly, though, in real life, we discover this only as we exit.  At least we do this, though. Awakening brings all of this into sharp focus as we die daily as the force of kundalini forces us to face our many "problems" and surrender them.  Each time this is a death, and each time, we witness or experience the rebirth that always comes with these small deaths.  Each time we arise, ressurect, and are reborn.  Always. And so, bit by bit, we learn that there is no death, that surrender is itself an ally, not an enemy to be staved off at all costs.  We conquer the death of the soul with the life of rebirth which always follows this kind of death.  But it is not different from a small realization that means letting go of an old idea of what we thought was true or whether it is the seeming end of our physical presence on earth.  Tantra brings you to this point of surrender and to know it most fully, your life will rapidly accelerate into this death.  Death.  Do not fear it, the sound of it, the seemin finality of it.  you hold an idea in you about it that has served to enslave you and tantra, among other currents of experience will free you if you allow it to do its great "work" within.  In complete compassion it will show you what you yourself refused to look at....the safety of your life as you remain unsatisfied and unfulfilled, living a life of silent and persistent desperation, hiding its facts even from yourself so you can keep going with a life you say is at least better than anything else you have experienced.  Why limit yourself?  But death will not ask this of you.  Death will simply carry you from conception to conception and it will all be up to you what you derive from it.  Death will know that whatever it is will be perfect for the time.  Perhaps you have made a world of compromise, but just as you have made it, you alone unmake it.  For some, this means death.  Death to what you were, death to what you thought you were.  And for some, they will even hasten their own deaths due to their persistent and deep certainty that their own steps do not follow their brightest star or most inward compass point.  The current will draw you back always in the end.  This ending will itself be a beginning.  Uroboros-like, the tail shall be at the head as beginning becomes ending and on and on it goes as the stars duck and sway in this, the lost night of souls.


EDIT:  only hours after writing this I came across a quote by Krishanurti that I thought I ought to include here since it fits in so well to what I was saying.  The quote:

"Why is it that whatever we touch we turn into a problem?  We have made love a problem, we have made relationship, living, a problem, and we have made sex a problem.  Why?  Why is everything a problem, a horror?  Why are we suffering?  Why has sex become a problem?  Why do we submit to living with problems; why do we not put an end to them?  Why do we not die to our problems instead of carrying them day after day, year after year?"

Jiddu Krishnamurti

It seems strange to speak of death and tantra side by side.  But there were never more familiar bedfellows than this, for just in death, tantra draws you forward, this time eager for death to come, hungry and wild with yearning. It will lead you ever deeper into death, the truth of all death, the great promise that death holds.  This is not your macabre conception of death, for death is everywhere misunderstood by the fear we dress it with. It does not suit it. For tantra draws you into this death so you will give up something in the process as you are cleansed of what hurt you.  In tantra, you die the little death which is itself a true death and you awaken changed in some small way, ready to carry forward some new glint of the true being that shines so powerfully within.   

There is no simple path to awakening, for the simple truth that what we have created in our world as "reality" is but a confusing mass of complications.  This has served to keep at bay what should be a natural consequence of our development in any given life but instead has become a distant star to strive for with very few attaining it.  Kundalini, awakening, or whatever term used to describe this universal human experience, should in truth be part of our normal experience as it returns us to our primal or authentic selves.  All of nature teaches this, that in balance, we reach the the highest places in our being and awareness.  Instead, we complicate and create hurdles for ourselves to run around and never fully experience or glimpse the true nature of reality. Those who awaken do not become complicated but simple.  Our layers are stripped away, our buds opened as the flower of our awareness changes from a hardened sheltered form afraid to FEEL anything to opening to total vulnerability.  The movement from this age is out of the masculine mode of being, which is armoring and protection to the age of the feminine which is opening, surrender, and vulnerability.  It is in this age that anyone can embrace this and feel what this force will do for you in realizing your divine purpose, your innermost presence which dwells with the divine both within and without.  We are now balancing the terms of engagement as human beings and saying yet to this side of ourselves which has lain dormant, repressed, hidden, and all but destroyed.  The truth here is that we as a race have been scared shitless over the power of the feminine.  This fear hasn't just been just on the part of men, although the most vocal and obvious outward expressions of this have most certainly been enacted by men and their male dominated culture, religions, societies, and institutions of thought.  But in order to get this right, we all must recognize that we all have played a role. We have all taken part and as I am stripped layer by layer, I see that much deeper into people I see on the street and as I gaze across the world of women I see that they are like fortresses within themselves with the sleeping goddess hidden in a deep protected place where even her own conscious self isn't fully aware of what her great power is.  And her great power is everyones power, the power we have hidden from ourselves, the power which we must take back if we are to move forward as a race into a new world with promise instead of what we see today, which is an effort for more of the same. It is through us that the world will change, for we will BE this change and the power of the feminine is just too strong to hold back once she emerges from her dungeon.

I am on the soap box here, I know, but I have seen the divine feminine and I know what she is.  I know just how buried she is in the consciousness and awareness of others.  I have seen how deeply buried she has been even as my own tantric presence has sought to ferret her out.  The one great gift a man can give to woman is his ability to sense her deepest being.  It is a gift so simple and straightforward.  It is the same gift that a woman has in equal measure for her man. To use it properly means letting go of all the ramparts that you have built within yourself, for those very armaments will cause others to feel pain and shrink back. A man;s gift will devolve into his not honoring Her power but seeking to use it for his own short term gain.  Her power will lapse into mere manipulation in order to get what She feels she cannot get for herself.  The war of the sexes will continue unabated and the two will not touch in the way that bids worlds to explode into view.  If you doubt this, then do the work yourself and only then you will know what I am speaking about.  It is a path to awe, the road to the divine. If I can see in woman her own great potential, this offers me a great perspective, which is awareness.  It is through awareness that something revolutionary will turn in humankind.  This can bring something remarkable to the race if we are ready to accept the feminine as a limitless force on the planet to come forward on her own terms and not seek to apply masculine characteristics to her lest we dilute and disarm her one great power that is Her.  This process means returning to the garden to heal the separation, to forgive ourselves and sometimes to realize that most of our old stories have been created to serve the march we have been on the last several thousand years at least, which is that of the tide of paternalism.

The truth her is that the masculine has been scared to death of the power of the feminine.  As I look into it, it was because the masculine saw her as so different from himself.  In a very real way, the masculine power had a quality of the lightening bolt in him.  His power was that of sparking the world to life. But he saw or sensed that her ability to bring such supreme bliss and pleasure was os total that he feared losing himself, losing the definition and outlines of his very powerful lightening bolt like self.  And yet, this was the whole point. The masculine does this in order to be taken apart.  He is taken apart because his very essence is the key to creation.  We see this happening all around us expressed in myriad ways.  A male zygote or sperm cannot nor will never bring the spark of life unless it is willing to sacrifices itself to a new life.  Defined and purposeful, like a spark, her must lose all he thought he was to become more than he could be otherwise.  And out of this one simple act of surrendering his very essence to Her, a new world literally blooms into being that could never be anticipated.  A woman's power is in taking this spark and giving birth to forms that are beyond even her own ability to comprehend or predict.  It is the very fact that she does not seek to control this life but nurture it compassionately that has gives us the wildness of creation, be it artwork or nature exploding into endless lifeforms. In all of this engagement between the two in spiritual energy is bliss.  It is the most disarming bliss there is.  It will take you apart and put you back together the right way.  It is the key to the kingdom and it is the force of what awakening does to each and every person who comes to it, to the degree that they make themselves available to it.  This is why most awakenings become like a constant prayer for union.  It is because it is what we are deeper down in our true primordial selves.  By this I do not mean somehow primitive.  I mean beyond all of your conceptions of what you think it is.  You wont get there by supposing what it is or using your mind.  Only by feeling at your deepest level will you reach it.  Yes, ghosts and skeletons will come rushing out of your closet, but it was only because those closets weren't even closets for keeping such old deep secrets within.  These were the chambers where the very divine within were meant to inhabit. 

In the movie The Fountain, the male character who is expressed in various physical forms in different lives is seeking a great secret, which is the fountain of life.  In his higher form as the oversoul, he is also grappling with this same challenge just as his female counterpart is also deeply engaged in like measure with him.  In the end, he sacrifices himself as a star goes into supernova or explodes, turning him into cosmic dust, showering his beloved with the very force that she needs to awaken the buds on her nearly dead tree to spark it to a new life.  But the male has to destroy himself, die to himself in order to experience this new life that will emerge as a great tree of life that will spread its limbs across the universe.  The story is itself based on some Mayan creation stories of how creation works, which involves sacrifice of the self, the body of the First Father in order to serve the genesis of new life seen as the very feminine Tree which is refreshed and renewed by this singular act of surrender.  in the Fountain, he became the kind of tantric pollen that would noursih his feminine counterpart and bring her to a new life.  This story is more true than most any other story I have read or known.  It is this story that has been playing out in countless lives in one way or another for a very long time.  We are beginning to get the drift, and many on the planet are waking up and feeling the force of this great power which will be our undoing and recreation.

So whether it is through devotion, tantra, or other means, these currents will all merge into one current at one point or another.  What was purely sexual will refine into a current of pure bliss and shake us free of all the hindering concepts of selfhood. It will strip you bare of what you thought you knew and it will stand as a reminder forever to remind you that you cannot return to those limiting self concepts or else feel great pain and anguish as a result.  The way forward is in embodying the feminine in all. This as I have said in the past is not about becoming androgynous.  You remain who you are, but are increased in your awareness.  The most masculine of men who are most touched by their own inner feminine are informed of what it is that the feminine in their physical relationships most needs.  The same is also true of women, for it is their own inner masculine current that will guide them to give to their men what it is that is perfect.  It heals homophobia, too, which is a very good outcome as well. The simple understanding is that in all form, all life, there is a dual current of the masculine and feminine in EVERYTHING.  The degree that you deny this is the degree to which you will deny this in your perceptions of the world.  It is true that a woman is made more feminine by her awareness and ability to touch the inner masculine.  A man is made more masculine by his ability to touch his inner feminine.  It is a matter of FOCUS; where along this seeming duality does your energy express itself?  Here, we have a model of the infinite since anyone can choose any orientation along the north and south poles of this great magnetic field that is the yin and yang.  I have written extensively about this in the past and it all comes down to freewill and your own essence.  the self will choose lives and experiences that will mirror its inner essence.   A soul which wants a blend of very masculine traits tempered by the feminine traits will thus seek lives to bring that particular kind of balance, which reflects through the higher self and is seen in all lives in one way or another.  When you can surrender to what this higher self or awareness is, the greater your awareness will be of the divine, for the higher self is itself the ladder through which your awareness will travel into the divine. 

For now, the focus is on helping to bring back the feminine.  This is already happening.  It is very natural and has been unfolding naturally as women have asserted themselves and begun to take back basic elements of worldly power.  IN similar fashion, though, an equal kind of change has been happening within men, which is that they have been more free to take on roles that would honor the feminine within themselves more.  This has had a humanizing effect on men and on our culture.  IN the classes I teach I see males who are sensitive, soft and receptive who are not made fun of or made to feel bad for how they are.  These are very masculine males who simply choose to esteem certain traits that may have caused people to be derisive just a generation ago.  We are slowly breaking out of the old repressive armoring the race has held. We are asking the question "why not?" and it is leading to some great discoveries about ourselves.  We are increasingly free to be who and what we are.  Far from perfect, it is at least a step forward in the right direction as we feel our way through it.  There is more work to be done and the hope is that women will not mistake their power for that of the masculine force but learn now to embrace the other side of the masculine force which is the feminine force, something so powerful it must be whispered instead of shouted.  Only then will we each understand the great potential that the feminine has.  This is a power that is never obvious at first, but whose results are overwhelming.  Her power will strip you bare so fast your head will spin.  And men did fear it perhaps because they feared their grip on some version of reality they thought was real or that they needed to build merely for the necessity to control.  We each fear letting go, and only in letting go will we ever find what is beyond our little worlds full of comfort and safety which ego and mind tell us is real but is not.

All energy can move you, and when in sufficient volume, can move you into connecting into the vast awareness that is the universe.  Think of it as a very real extension of you.  This is what happens, or can happen, often happens, in awakenings.  I this way, space no longer is an issue.  You feel someone as though they are sitting in front of you.  Because they are.  The universe is now an extension of your awareness.  It forms a vast interconnected network like the internet is connected.  It is the same basic concept and the internet emerged out of a very basic sense of our deeper connectivity, effectively giving this deeper sense or knowing a kind of physical analog or voice. Like a metaphor.

Tantric energy does not begin with the Other.  It begins with you.  As a result, you have complete control over the ebb and flow of your own energy.  Before the kiss is the anticipation of the kiss.  I wont say the kiss is not important, for it is, but look at what happens to you before the kiss even comes to be.  Her is where tantric energy can rise like a great wave.  It builds and builds just as your own awareness and attention builds.  Expectation, excitement, joy and connection help fuel it.  But before the kiss is made real, a world of events stream through you.  Here, you have the core of tantra.  Tantra begins within your own awareness.  The secret of tantra is in learning how to convey this energy effectively.  It all follows feeling.  We all know how to build sexual tension.  It most often leads to release, the most blissful of experiences which we call orgasmic release.  Tantra, then, though, is often concerned amongst some as the maintaining of this tension a t lower ebb instead of allowing it to build to its most expected and common of conclusions. Tantra is often about allowing your own energy to rise with the understanding that being energy, it is not dependent on anything physical to transfer it.  It can be transferred over miles as much as it can be transferred in front of another.  It can be true for those awakened who are still working through their own issues that connecting fro a distance is actually easier because it feels safer that way.  Yes, you connect to deeply, so completely, and yet, the physical element is just so intimidating or fraught with past fears over hurt or physical vulnerability.  While the flow of tantric energy works in this way, it can also become a crutch that serves to keep people from being able to connect when they are dwelling physically in the same space.  This can lead to hurt of its own kind, a sense of rejection or even abandonment.  All of this is hard.  And unnecessary.  I say this because our essence is to love, to be love, to give and receive love.  It is through tantra that we can heal in powerful ways, but only when we make ourselves available.  Yes, we can experience incredible energy in the other, and yet we can help the other to realize their own potential for love and union both within and without, but the march of spiritual evolution has been in knitting heaven and earth into a unity, to realize our heavenliness here.  This includes our tantric vehicle, our tantric energy.

When you begin to sense in this way, what I term non locally, you quite naturally feel into the other person.  This is where it gets difficult to fake anything or do anything halfway.  You are either in it completely or you aren't.  You are made to know this and recognize it.  If it is off in the other, this can be hard.  It is hard because of the level of empathy that is required.  You just feel everything so clearly and powerfully.  A small thing is not small.  A small thing may in fact be a splinter carried deep in the energy body of the beloved.  Our role can become the force of awareness and compassion to help locate and remove this thorn. Whether we are there physically or not.  A mans energy needs to feel the presence of surrender in his beloved and the feminine must feel as though the masculine is not holding anything back, but bringing himself directly and powerfully into the moment with confidence and assuredness that cannot be faked.  This is not lovemaking in the old way.  You have to BE the talk if you are to present a good mirror for the beloved to gaze at the divine within. It is the single most complete and total experience.  And yet, the path to it is not always perfect.  The path of tantra, if only frenzied sexual energy, becomes a raw force that is single minded.  Humanity must be able to take the reins of the horse and drive it with purpose and compassion also to the valley of desire where the two may dwell and heal and discover one another.  Being able to be within a blend of energies all at once is the real mastery of tantra as far as I am concerned.....for without this "multichannel" mode at work, it all becomes a race to release tension in which case it is not elevated beyond much more than mere sexual union.

So let yourself expect and draw near.  Raise the energy; become excited.  Go beyond excited; move into bliss.  Here, the energy burns like a flame and transforms.  You move into the realm where every religion has sought to reveal while also fearing it, even covering it up to hide our shame about it.  You must release shame to reach the path of awe, pure and simple, and the old traditions which did not carry this shame, quite naturally were also demonized by the shame-filled religions that followed after them and which also sought to destroy them as a result.  It is pure flame and we only seek to be consumed.  Here, shame cannot exist lest it dampen the fire.  Here, the divine has no thought of any reason for there to be shame, only ecstasy as it has always been in its midst.  We enter that experience through this, partly because of it, partly because of what we allow ourselves to feel.

Tantra is a discovery, a rich field of wonder that begs to be understood through feeling and direct experience.  Bringing the wave to a high peak, your hand slides gently along as you are suspended along its curve as your balance leads you instinctualy to just the right place upon it as the wave moves forward in time and space and awareness as a constant pulse of bliss and desire, one feeding the other as it becomes a vehicle for ecstatic union within ourselves and with another. 

Choose all the methods and techniques that you want.....but it will always serve reaching the right place for you within feeling to propagate that wave that simply feels right and that leads you to abandon.  Here, you forget yourself, and here, you lose yourself to something more.  It can be a means for dissolving ego as more of you merges within a larger current you did not know existed.  This, you cannot fake, but only become. 

Bows deep....

So in honor of love, which is a flower with many petals, I offer you this very delicate petal which is so sweet and worth considering

Feels Like Home

Bonnie Raitt

Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself,
Makes me want to lose myself, in your arms.
There's something in your voice, makes my heart beat fast.
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life.
If you knew how lonely my life has been,
And how low I've felt so long.
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along,
And change my life the way you've done.
CHORUS:
Feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
Feels like I'm on my way back where I come from.
Feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
Feels like I'm on my way back where I belong.
A window breaks down a long dark street,
And a siren wails over my head.
But I'm all right, 'cause I have you here with me.
And I can almost see through the dark there's light.
If you knew how much this moment means to me,
And how long I've waited for your touch.
If you knew how happy you are making me --
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much.
CHORUS
Feels like I'm on my way back where I belong.
 

Simple Things

Twin currents rose in my awareness; masculine and feminine on par with one another and in bliss.  the center path between them, where they met, was their union, their bliss and where a third energy arose.  I called this "the child."  This was before I had a name for this thing coming so vivid and alive in me.  Only later would someone suggest I read the texts left by the earliest of Christians called the Gnostics.  It was there that I began to get a glimmer of what was happening.  The sacred third, the bliss, was what some called the Christ.  Some the Kingdom.  Others called it Cosmic Consciousness.

I felt the force of this intelligent energy was loosening something in me.  The most current and less sticky things fell away first.  The process was made clear to me in my awareness.  All I needed to do was watch and observe.  As I struggled to understand, the energy said in its presence that it was all so simple; observe, bring the light of conscious earthly awareness into the moment.  I need not do more than that.  It was not asking anything more of me.

What others called this thing seemed out of place to me.  I questioned consensus reality.  As I did that, events began to change quickly.  My experience changed, events changed.  Everything sped up.  The energy got so strong I thought I would go mad; this was ego holding on for dear life.  This was just what kundalini does. It sets you aright.  But it was not easy.  It was hard.  The collapse was a long painstaking process of learning how to surrender.  Surrender?  I learned I had been staving off surrender because of fear over being hurt, of more trauma.  Wasn't I hurt the most when I was the most open and vulnerable?  Kundalini sought to undo all of that.  I felt my awareness literally leaking out of me as it merged with the mist, the sound of water, the night sky, the wind and damp air.  This was all too much!  But over and over kundalini bid me back into the game.  It asked the same thing over and over; observe.  As long as ego was hyper-extended I came to believe I had "work" to do.  Silly!  It was not work.  It was merely realizing what I was.  Remembering.  And to do that, all kundalini asked of me was to observe.  When I felt pain, it demanded that I merely observe and shine my conscious awareness upon the hurt.  That was all I needed to do.  It was as if it was showing me all the things that had hung me up.  I had no power to change things, to fix things.  This was all too much;  kundalini was here as a saving grace, a reminder of what I am, what I have always been but chose to forget or turn away from.  This was the core of my karma.  As I put my attention on the trouble spots that kundalini highlighted, the material fell away.  The more I felt like I had to work things a certain way, I struggled until I got back to square one.  Over and over. Maybe I am a slow learner.  Maybe the neurosis that is in our humanity is just that stubborn or blind or forgetful.  Maybe we need a reminder.  Over and over and over again.

The realization, which has come in pieces, then fits and starts and then an ever-increasing flow of knowing is that by engaging ego, identifying with our little earthbound self too much, we think we are limited, finite.  This is not just a thought or idea but a deep sense that ego carries. It hides what we are deeper down inside of us. So by not identifying with ego as much, the inner self is given more room to shine, we have more room to feel it and know it, to see it in ourselves. What it is and what it can do is to make the process much easier if we let it.  By letting go of "our" doing the "work" we relinquish control, we let go and allow pure spirit the room to work its magic.  I have said before that each of us has a genie within.  Buddha said each human on earth had a boddhi within them. And it is true.  The curious thing is that with this higher self, the way to facilitating its effectiveness is by letting go.  You let go and let your own inner god or goddess do the work. It comes down to an act of trust.  The more you trust, the easier it becomes. It feels incredibly easy, miraculous.  Maybe too easy. Even unbelievable.  But its only unbelievable because of just how much you have gotten caught up in ego and self limit.  You are lightyears ahead of what you think you are capable of and when you let go in the way I have suggested, you open up to the reality of this higher self and what it can do for you. What it does in the end is nothing.  Nothing needs be done, you need only realize what you already are.  This is the healing.  Let it be simple for you, why complicate it?  It already is perfect.  It is already where you seek to be through the illusion of the linearity of time.  You think quite naturally that life is a process because you are born, you mature, you grow old and pass from this life.  A nice tidy movement through a time line.  And yet, this is only one part of the story.  The soul abides in a state of perfection, or comparative perfection to your earthly awareness and focus.  All you need to do is feel this part of you so fully that you realize what it is you are.  When you do that, what the earthly self has considered important falls away. All that does not serve the truth of the soul and its vibrational frequency and essential nature no longer fits. It is as though you went in, headstrong, into the house of your soul and papered over the walls of your soul with all kinds of things you thought would fit this house of yours only to walk in one day to find the paper peeling away in large sheets.  Eventually all of that wall paper will fall away and what will remain will be the solid pure walls of the soul shining through.  Taking a moment the bare walls will change and you will see them for what they are, which in your egoic focus, you could not.  In your karma, you were blind to. You were too busy projecting onto the world your karma.  The soul is saying that the time for karma is past.  And all karma, negative karma, is a vibration out of attunement with the divine self.  It is out of attunemtn with what it is which is love.  Anything less than that perfect vibration is naturally karma.  Karma is not realizing what we are and falling away from its perfect vibration.  It was alway perfect, but for some reason we just couldn't believe it.  So we fell into karma and have been working through it ever since. 

The answer, I saw, is a simple one.  However you get to this realization of what you are essentially is what will help you to reach this sought after state of bliss or nirvana.  This is not even a thing you achieve, it is what you already are but have blocked from your awareness.  Kundalini only rises as a result of your remaining resistance to it.  You FEEL it move because there is something that does not already feel its presence.  The greater the resistance, the more powerful the effects.  Some will even experience an explosive blast through their bodies as a result. And this is only the resistance to the force.  And yet, something in you has decided enough is enough. The shutter of your awareness must now open wider.  Then, looking directly into the light of the sun, it blasts through and it is a shock.  It is only because of how you are, what your own resistance to it is.  When that is removed in you, what remains is soulfulness, bliss, joy. If there is something that remains, don't worry; it will all go soon enough.  Trust in the power of your higher self, for it can and does work miracles for you.  You simply have to get out of your own way.  Surrender is the best path for this.  It doesn't mean that you are not a person of action, for certainly you must be.  But as you act, so do you also receive. You breathe in and you breathe out. You give, you receive.  You visualize, you manifest.  The masculine force in awareness sends out intention, the feminine nurtures it unto its delivery as a creation--- be it a thought, idea, child, or any other form of creation.  The route is the same.  We do both, but in doing both, we are more balanced. It is true we do not do well in letting go, surrendering.  It is the feminine current that is making its way into our mass awareness.  The hard light of the masculine has held sway over all of our awareness for so long that even the most feminine among us have lost sight of what it is to be the essence of this yielding element within our being that we call the divine feminine.  Let this side of you teach you and show you how to be, how to surrender to the God in you.  Let go and let God.  It is located on the left side of the body as the ancient energy traditions of Chinese Medicine and the Hindus have observed.  The right brain is Her after she crosses over in the region of the head.  The left brain is a reflection of Him and both She and He must work together to make great things happen.  Yet, here, we have been lopsided in our thinking and feeling.  We have esteemed the left brain more than the right.  We have kept the feminine pushed down far too long.  It has been this way in our cultures, our religions and within ourselves.  And it is time to add her nature to our awareness so that we may each save ourselves and our planet.  We are learning that great strength does not mean great force.  There is more to it than that, and we are each softening into our feminine sides.  The more we can surrender to that, the easier all of this will become.  Doing this will not make you less complete, less manly or womanly.  It will simply make you more complete then you were before.  When you can honor both within you you can honor both without you.

So try this tonight; feel into yourself. Don't think.  Just feel.  What hurts?  Settle on that.  Put your awareness there like a searchlight.  But do not make it anything more than that.  Keep to so so simple.  Try it.  Don't seek some solution.  Just be aware of it.  Hold it there and once or twice a day go back to it as you relax and rest in the moment.  Then let it be that.  Bid kundalini to rise.  See what happens.  Wait.  Give it a day or two or three.  Or a week. As you do this without any expectation, but mere remembrance, do you feel a change?  Let ego go.  Consider you do not have all the answers.  Be like a child.  Allow yourself to be led. What you think you know may well be only a small part of what you already know deeper down, what your soul knows.  Now breathe.  breathe in love, breathe out thankfulness.  Let this movement wash you.  Feel the waves come in and go out, slowly scrubbing you clean.  And if it does not do it all in those movements, consider every effort has an effect.  Be patient.  Let ego go.  Be humble.  Devoted.  To yourself, to the universe.  And breathe.  Breathe in this bliss, breathe in this life.  Breathe in the love that has always been yours and will always be.  Forget solutions, forget outcomes.  let ego slip to the side so you can be full in this union.

No problem ever was solved by wrestling with it.  Stop wrestling with it.  Forgive it.  Let it go.  Ask yourself what it is like beneath this issue as if it is a troubling lily pad that seeks to block out all the light.  Ask what it feels beneath all of the trouble and drama.  What does that look like?  Look it straight in the eyes and face it. And then let this new place in you let it slip into the still dark calm night.  Here, you have more room for what you have always been and what you ache to become.  Even if it is drop by drop, layer by layer.  Whatever is causing you pain, it isn't worth what lies on the other side and which keeps you from this better place.  Let it go so you can BE.

Let the power of your awareness and your gaze into yourself be the lightening strike that will help your soul in its journey into forever.  Take this moment as your own.....Thus far whatever it is that is hurting you or troubling you has been complicated because you have made it so. It is in truth simple.  let it be simple for once.  Let yourself be simple.  Be like a child.  Sleep deep and rise a new butterfly in a sea of caterpillars!

A Note On Auras....

Not long ago I was talking to my daughter about auras.  As she grows, she is aware her father is a bit.....different.  I speak openly and frankly about my experiences when the questions come up.  There was so little information when I was a kid.  I had to dig and dig.....

I showed her some techniques for seeing energy, ways to look, what to bear in mind.  But as I reviewed this and some posts I have made in the past, I realize there is one element that I have not touched on perhaps as much as I should since it feels central to sensing energy in this way.  Its  not easy to touch on because it is so simple that it is difficult to notice or realize how important it is.

What works for me is to stop or still thought.  This does not happen totally.  We can think while we do this, but there is a part of me that simply LOOKS without anything but focus on the object.  I really don't have any better explanation than that.  It is being okay with not knowing what you are supposed to do except that somehow, some part of you knows, but it all seems beyond your control.  I think perhaps the answer lies in the fact that this is the energy body sensory realm instead of the physical sensory realm.  It is a side-step away from normal sensing.

So let's say that you can sense energy around a person but you are not picking up on color for some reason.  Rationally, you know you really ARE picking up on the energy.  This is certain.  But the color.....So simply try telling yourself that you would like to pick up on color and then cease any effort beyond that.  Ask to be shown.  Have no expectation of a result.  Let your light body show you.  Ask what it is you are not doing right to tune hat part in.  But again, remove all expectation as to what this might be.  Stop thought.  Be present.  Feel without thinking or thinking you KNOW what it is you are seeing.  Consider that what you might see is different from what you think it could or will be.  And trust.  You have this genie inside of you, so it is a matter of getting to this point.

Something else to try is to focus on your solar plexus.  Feel your own energy as you, feel your energy, feel your own sense of presence and then imagine this energy as being like a satellite dish. It is this big disc of energy that picks up on the energy around it.  Feel your energy filling the room, probing as it always does.  This is your "gut" and it tends to be very basic and clear most often.  That is why we are asked to trust it. Your gut.  Imagine your awareness moving out beyond your body and filling the room.  Now beyond this, do not expect anything else.  Be neutral.  Let it just be energy.  Try this visualization and give it some time.

This is not something that has anything to do with looking or the act of picking up on the energy, so this part is perhaps the part that people miss. If you can see auras okay, then whether you are aware of this fine point or not is beside the point, but some people may have something about their mental focus that serves to block the flow of information. It helps to stop being mental.  Stop trying to know or apprehend.  Allow yourself to be shown.  Allow your own senses to do what they do naturally.  Get out of your head and get into you BODY.  It is the physical body that has a mirror of itself in the light body.  It is the light body that is picking up on most of this information I believe, and so by being in your body you will tend to listen to the wisdom OF the body, both physical and etheric (since they are coincident with one another and play off one another....plus they are both connected!).  So get in your body.  Get out of your head.  This is the simple part.  But it can also be hard for people to maintain.  When you can get quiet and FEEL your body, you will feel your energy more.  As you feel this energy, you will be more aware of it and it will naturally be in a better position to help you with what it is good at doing.  Let your feeling of your energy fill the room and see if this works.  You are not doing anything but feeling.  You are passive because you are observing and taking in. There is no control, nothing to do. Become quiet and feel.  Your own energy body will be like a field of energy that will feel other energies and bring information back to you in order for it to be decoded into a form that will make sense to you.  This is how it works.  The energy is just energy, but in order for it to make sense, it has to be put into some order that makes sense to you, that you can relate to.  It can fall along lines of impressions, images in the mind, sensations in the body, or images that the eye seems to see. And if this continues to be a problem, it might just be a sign that you might be better at picking up on this information in a completely different way.  If this might be the case, you need only feel into this and use your intuition to figure out what this might be.  What makes sense to you?  What is your first impulse when I say this?  What does your gut say? What FEELS right?

There are some very basic "mechanical" things that you can try if you are having challenges tuning in.  Try different size rooms. Diffuse light seems best and even flourescent for whatever reason, seems to work well. Having some space around the subject being observed as well as distance from you can also help.  Gaze longer then you have in the past.  Keep your gaze there.  See if that helps.  Feel yourself just observing, feeling in a light and neutral way.  This will keep you in the role of observer and less as participant.  Ask yourself if there is something blocking the color. If there is, you don't need to know WHAT is doing it.  You can place your awareness on this for extended periods and this can also serve to remove the block.  Again, no expectations.

The same thing can be done for seeing the levels of the aura.  There are many levels.  These tend to radiate outward looking like a series of "shells" or sheaths.  My experience has shown me that most material closest to the body tends to be directly involved in what is being felt now as a matrix of both emotional, physical, and mental energy, with larger dimensional energy taking up space slightly beyond these layers.  None of it is different or less than any other layer, they simply serve different aspects of the self living in this moment in time.  The aura extends visually many feet beyond the body and my sense is that in a way, it has no end as it imprints on physical reality.  It is infinitely flexible, elastic and can go from a brilliant light close to the body to an expansive field many feet beyond. For a long time I did not see what some healers and body workers were talking about.  It was some years ago that I began to see images in the aura.  These are faint for me, shadowy in some ways, perhaps indistinct sometimes, but clear enough for me to pick up on them and gain awareness and understanding from them.

The thing about using intuition is that it feels like you are doing nothing.  You are in a way doing nothing because what you think of your normal focus is stepping aside, becoming neutral while another lesser known part of you begins to work.  It seems effortless because what you think of your focus or pinpoint of awareness is no longer working as it has on the issue at hand.  Something else is.  But it is still you.  You simply need to have the faith that it is in you to do. It is almost like handing it off to someone else to work on.  It shouldn't feel so easy, but it is.  Trust that sense. 

The most direct use of sensing the aura is in healing work. If you can sense the aura it can lead you to an understanding of energy and could be a tool in helping you to observe as you work what effects your own efforts bring.  Try these methods and let me know if they work.  

Divine Feminine Sources

A gathering of gold for you, my readers.....(send me your faves as I work on updating this resource list!)

http://www.annebaring.com/anbar06_div-fem.htm

Article on the feminine in Sufism
http://home.earthlink.net/~drmljg/id8.html

Some quotes and thoughts on the feminine on Gaiam
http://blog.gaiam.com/quotes/topics/feminine

The Holy Spirit as The Feminine Aspect of the Deity
http://holyspirit-shekinah.org/_/holy_spirit_the_feminine_aspect_of_the_godhead.htm

Transpersonal Musings...
http://www.transpersonal.com.au/kundalini/divine-feminine.htm

Divine Feminine Yoga
http://www.divinefeminineyoga.com/

Divine Feminine Shamanic Circle (Black Mountain N.C.)
http://sourceforwellbeing.com/divine-feminine-shamanic-healing-circle-2

Writings from the Goddess Studio
http://www.goddess-studio.com/default_files/writings.htm

More to come....

The New Wayshower

Built within the very heart of the All she resides in harmony with her consort, never another but who she is, no separation but an integrated part of her.  In the great body of this All, though, parts of the body do not realize what they are in relation to this great Mother, the divine feminine.  For reasons that are their own, they have been under the gaze of the masculine side of Her.  His feminine has receded just as she has been denied the awareness that is hers. 

We all know how this has played out here.  It has been a very hard time for the feminine.  We have been caught in a wild torrent of denial in coming to our own collective self realization.  It has been difficult to day the least for how the feminine has been treated in this world.  Property.  Powerless.  Denied.  This has been hard.  Very hard.  And certainly there have been billions who have suffered over a long time.  But the tide is changing, and we can know something different if we can just be ready to simply set aside what has been and let the past be the past. 

For the last hundred years, She has been asserting her power, her right to parity in the world. As soon as she began doing this, the days of paternalistic control were numbered.  Slowly, the pieces have been coming together.  Brave women who asked "Yes, but why is it that way?  It can be different!" have been the ones who have helped to bring change to the world.  In the United States, for all our talk of freedom and liberty, we have been marvelously one-sided.  Until we got called on it, and we had to begin examining our talk to match our walk.  Women stepped out from the shadows and into the bright light of awareness.  Her walk was her own.  She won the right to vote, the right to work, the right to question consensus reality.  the right was always hers.  She had to assert it in order for that to happen. And she did it. More voices joined in the chorus and over time, conventions have changed. 

It has pressed for understanding who She is in this new context.  Was the Women's Liberation Movement somehow robbing women of their femininity?  Were men somehow less manly when they chose to stay and care for the children at home instead of going out there and bring home the bacon?  All kinds of questions have been raised in our collective examination of what this new landscape represents to us.  We have been trying to figure it out.  It has been a bit like a set of clothes that was new and fit differently than what we were used to.  Did it look right?  Does it feel right to us where we are headed?  Some of the questions sought to take us back to the safety of convention while others sought, perhaps blindly into some new world.  And yet, even in the seeming dark, we have been feeling for an as-yet unknown that we know.  Deeper down, we know what it is we are looking for.  We are being guided along.  Carefully, gently, certainly.  Powerfully.  Irretrievably. 

What has been a movement of women will be a movement of humans.  In an interesting twist, what women are asking for will deliver to men the very thing they will need as much as the women.  As women have asserted themselves in what may have felt like a more masculine character, so too will men begin, are beginning, to feel their more sensitive natures.  It is okay for women to be more balanced in themselves.  It is okay to carry masculine traits in helping them to manifest their greatest dreams.  And men, too, are now more free to discover parts of themselves that society seemed to suggest was not desirable.   The walls are beginning to soften.  And just now, as I look at the kids I see coming up in college, I see such a mix.  I see men who are not afraid to be gentle, soft, kind and nurturing.  Women are more assertive and they are not considered less womanly.  The men are as masculine as ever.  More balanced.  Less polarized. 

This new movement will continue as our society will continue to change and even build steam.  the result? I think some of it will be hard to predict completely, but its results will be our new experiment in becoming collectively. 

Awakening offers a unique perspective in all of this.  Loosened upon the world, our perceptions become more keen and go beyond mere appearances.  We can see people as they are in their soul-selves.  The soul self is beyond time while also dipping into it.  It is multidimensional.  It is more than just what we are here.  As a result, how we appear here is only one part of a larger story than what the awakened sense or perceive.  It is true that when we pass from this life into the next phase, we tend to appear to others as we were in the prime of our powers in this life.  We associate with the very best of what we were or are in this life.  And in the same way, the soul in this life can appear differently than just what we see on the surface physically.  Someone who is of advanced age may still feel quite young and thus, that will be how they appear to others across vast distances and without benefit of the physical senses.  Or they could appear older.  Or just completely different.  Maybe someone with light hair appears in their soul self as having dark hair.  Short people are tall.  Tall people might be short and stocky.  Dealing with this difference is part of the next step in our sensory experience. It is now a norm rather than an oddity to me since all people are to some extent like this.  We are more than we appear. 

You also will find that what you think you know about what you are is limited by what your own senses provide you and what your own patterning in this life has been.  The feminine is dealing with a kind of identity challenge.  With centuries of masculine dominance the identities of women have been effects by this tide.  However, there is a pure current of the feminine that can be tapped by all of us, and this comes to us from still larger sources. You need only tune it in. You do this by looking within.  This is where women can learn about their deeper feminine identities beyond the effects of the last hundred centuries.  Digging deep through the quantum field, you can discover this part of you.  This goes for men as well as women.  But for women, I think the effect will be particularly healing.  When you become aware of this part of you, you might discover a similar disparity as I described earlier with physical versus soul identity.  I have seen this over and over; what we are on the outside and what we take for IT is often different from what is buried still deeper.  With those with the eyes to see in total innocence and soulfulness, the deeper self can be known, felt, touched upon.  It is a curious thing that another person seeing who you are helps to stir the awareness in yourself.  What this represents is a return to a zero-point, a kind of seeming "pure" state, even though I hate that word because it can be misleading.  This pure state is just your soul.  And your soul is just what it is. And every soul is beautiful.  Sometimes it is different from what you might expect.  My own soul-self was so different in some ways that it was a real challenge to relate.  And yet, I saw aspects of Him in me all along.  He had been popping up throughout my life and other lives, too.  the ego-oriented self had its own say in what it thought he should be based on convention and comparisons and lack of courage. 

I think that's just it.  We have drifted from these soul selves due to a lack of courage.  We fear what others might say if we were just who we are deep down. Maybe we might go into art instead of accounting or law.  Law pays the bills, but leads to a miserable life for a person with such dreams as that.  yet, we tell ourselves, we have to make those compromises.  We make the compromises because we do not yet fully understand that we are actually in charge of what it is we are creating.  Perhaps this is why, over their 20 year writing career, that Jane Roberts and her Husband Robert Butts helped to bring forth the words of Seth which was Jane's channeled or trance self who said over and over "You create your own reality."  It was kind of the source of every book in one way or another.  Perhaps this is because we so needed to hear it over and over until it got locked into the mass self and we began to examine what the ramifications for this might be.  So as we begin to look at this, we might realize that if things are not going so well for us, we can change it by changing our beliefs and feelings about ourselves.  the change that this leads to in how we feel also leads to change to the very events that manifest in our lives.  What was once impossible is suddenly now possible.  As more and more practice this as a kind of magic that would have been persecuted as witch craft in the past hardly leads to a raised eyebrow.  This is a very good development.  When we can be brave to pursue our dreams, we have a better chance in this type of environment or world to see things actually manifest in ways that bring us fulfillment.  We no longer need to huddle in fear within the little cave of our hidden selves. 

So as I step out into what I am, I ask that you be inspired to do the same. I cannot say what it will be like for you or how it will manifest itself.  that, really, is up to you.  It is up to what you believe is possible.  You see, there is a genie inside of you.  And no longer do you need to use this genie to strike back at the injustices done to you. As long as you wield the sword, you will also tend to die by it as well.  But if you hold the sword as a beacon of truth, then the truth will be your guide.  It is, you see, just a slight turn away from how you have been feeling and responding to it.  When you change the rules of engagement, you will change your world.  And this is the message I am bearing to you as I do the very same.  Brave.  Not fearful.  Brave to just be YOU.  that will be enough for you and the rest of the world because who you are inside is needed.  Every woman upon the earth has something so remarkable within that it NEEDS to be brought forward.  Just bring it forward.  Let others gaze into you to tell you what they see.  Let yourself get to know Her.  The same goes for men.  For them, knowing the native current of their compliment will aid in all sorts of realizations.  It will also serve to anchor a reverence for the feminine in the world that may not have been touched in quite the same way before.  And I may not have to tell you that it is time.  It is a marvelously creative time at least potentially. 

And it is in action that all potential is realized.  It is up to you.  In your own way. 

The new Wayshower is the feminine.  She is telling us, informing us, opening us in ways we have not been opened before.  Collectively.  Individually. It is She which will make a big difference in our world.  This will help balance the world, individuals, and pehraps bring about a more sane approach and attitude in the heart of all humankind.  

Bows deep....