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Monday, July 23, 2012

Heart



When you can let the universal source energy pour through you in greater degrees you feel your light body go through a transformation.  This act is the truest act of your being, for it brings you closer to what you are.  This lighting up is what you are…..no guru, no teacher, no postures or old texts to read.  All the things you were looking for cease as you now enter into the life. 
This process is not necessarily an easy one, but what it will insist on is that you slough off old clothes.  You become simpler, more naked in yourself.  Everything you thought you knew, out it goes.  You become like a child.  Simple.  And good lord, its refreshing.  When you have begun to divest of what I called “the inventory” in the first days of what kundalini was showing me what it was inside of me to do (it showed me an image of a large warehouse….my job was to go through all that stuff….bless it and let it go….and clear all the space for something else to enter it, it said). At a certain point I found I was feeling my heart center vibrating different ways whenever I heard people speak or when I would read something.  I found that while I could not FEEL everything around me by vibrating in sympathy with it always (I was dealing with a lot of that “inventory” in those days so…) I found that I could listen to my heart, quite literally and be able to determine if something was on the mark or not. 
When you get clear, you do not have to depend on what you think you know. You can use the line to the divine to tell you. This is tricky for some because we know that what some people call divine some call demonic.  Its so subjective, right?  And for a time, this is so. Everything is upside down, right?  Everyone has their opinion.  But that which is in alignment is in alignment because the divine is not complicated. Its simple like dew on the grass.  That kind of simplicity.  And within that simplicity there is infinite multiplicity, you know what I mean? The implications are huge…..and yet the huge is all built on some very simple things….and they are all aligned. So if an idea is off, you can feel it.  Its just not in alignment with nature, with the divine.  The interesting part is searching through it to find what it is that is off.  It always goes back to the person expressing whatever the idea is in the first place. 
Its almost like……you are watching a movie and somewhere in the movie they change the light bulb used to project the images….and you can FEEL how the light is different….something is off about it…..and you feel this in a very apparent way. Just FEEL. Its a little like that.  As long as we have the old material, though, the easier it is to get caught up in ideas and beliefs that are themselves limited or distorted.  So you go and turn to papa and mamma light, and you bid them shine through you….and it just shines on everything and as it does you get into it….like some kind of cosmic x-ray.  Your heart can feel this, I think, the most clearly.  Its not a thinking…..it is a simple and direct feeling. If it tenses up, then something isn’t quite right….or if it feels heavy, that is another thing entirely.  When it feels clear and bright….then its right.  
The task is to continue to refine because there could still be things clouding vision of the light body, true.  So how do we know we aren’t feeling something through a glass darkly? You don’t always know.  Its true.  But in an innevitable sort of way, it will keep at you if something is off, most often.  Eventually, at least for me, it has led to sloughing off that old material.  It is true that I was blind.  It was absolutely crazy…..I can remember crying these tears over how deluded I was in my life after getting further down that road and looking back.  It sometimes feels and seems like a chicken/egg proposal….but that musn’t stop you because with each layer that drops away, it feels like a revelation, which it is, with still more revelations waiting beneath the next layer.  So for a time, its as though you are drive by what is in front of you.  The layers on the pond of perception clarify more and more, and you see more, yet there is still more to do.  Its a process, and in the quiet of the night you too might realize that this isn’t just your life that you are clearing, its lifetimes of accumulated material.  There is no rush, no race is ensuing, no 2012 to scare you into some action, or a cosmic bus that will leave, never to find you.  All that talk is the same deluded thinking that has driven people to believe in heaven and hell.  When you touch upon the fineness that is this energy in all things, you know it is complete compassion and understanding.  This is in a sense a bit of an illusion in that there is no one endpoint, but an infinity of points that we are all exploring and finding ourselves looking out through for something grander, and also something simpler than could first be imagined. So for the time being, you just keep moving forward best you can, and maybe look back long enough to know you have done so much and pat yourself on the back. Its ok to do this.  You are human learning what there is to learn and unlearn here.
 So as for your truth, it is there.  There is a path to it and through the brambles of your life.  Right inside of you.  And the path is love.  Its the finest kind of love. How do I even tell you?  It aint angels and harps, unless its absolutely necessary that it all be dressed up that way…..its perfect though….so refined….a real inspiration. I sometimes think if I just sit quietly enough it will just move through all of me as I let go and ask it to do its work in me. 
No judgement.  No harsh words.  No deities.  A highly refined consciousness near me, in me, around me.  How do I live up to it?  Placing my hand on your heart, this pulse moves perfectly, and yet, who can take it?  Who can reach up within and touch it?  It paints us panoramic.  Gosh its so simple.  Even a look would do it. 
A man goes to see Ramana Maharshi because a monk comes to him who says he should go see him, he is the man he should go see. So he does.  But when he goes, he sees that the monk IS Ramana Maharshi.  He is unimpressed what this guy says to him, which is that you cannot find god outside of yourself. You have to look within.  ALL of the gurus were all saying the same thing.  He wanted something authentic, maybe something more…..and besides, he felt tricked by this man who told him to come visit him.  Except as he left, his followers explain that when Ramana showed up at his door, he was in truth meditating in the caves nearby.  He had not left the town.  Interested, he stayed to talk to him more.  
Ramana stood there looking at the man.  He didn’t say a word.  He stared intently at him.  As he did, the man felt what he described as a bud emerging from within him….through ALL of him this emerged and began to bloom.  He opened just like that. In that one simple moment, he had been reminded of what he called his “primal nature” by a simple glance.  
When you know how all of this transcends time and space you may begin to realize that hidden in my words, in the now-dead words of ancient teachers is an essence that is timeless.  I suppose its one reason why some gurus get to be worshipped.  They have found it….and can remind you if they are good enough.  Like Maharshi, it can be transmitted, like a reminder, to you.  But as one who was awakened said to  Krishnamurti when he asked if he had this thing, this awakening of the primal self, he says “Yes I have it, but he question is can you TAKE it!”  
Go turn over the stones in the creek.  Look at the minnows and crayfish scatter.  See the mica in the rocks glisten like gold. Feel the life all around….cat tails and flower bursting out all over you.  Dragon flies buzzing around.  Here, the life is.  Its all around you.  Settle into that and discover the lost portal into childhood.  Here, you will be closer to it than ever.  Hidden somewhere are the eyes of Ramana, of a thousand others who know you and wait for you.  And in that moment, the heart will know its deep truth.

2 comments:

Sky said...

That was incredibly beautiful. I'm really enjoying your writing. I found you through another blog about twin flames and I'd like to hear your perspective. Meeting him is when my kundalini awakened, we love each other so very dearly but have moments of intense love followed by feelings of being pulled apart, or maybe it's vice versa, I don't know any more. I'd like to share with you and get your insight. Don't worry, I know that someone else's insight will only get me so far. But I'm good at discerning. I'm up at 3am looking for answers and I'm sure I came across your comment on that blog for a reason... so if your open to the exchange please respond.

Him said...

Hi Sky! I am so glad that the writing can bless you in this way.

The soul connection, or as you say Twin Flame, is an important part of an awakening, no doubt about it, and it can also be one of the most challenging for so many reasons! Ultimately so much of this seems to be a return to love, and this means divine love...which for me means burning karma that causes us to do things that we find hard to understand and returning to that essential sense of self. Perhaps because a soul connection so pushes all those karmic buttons that it can help raise awareness we might not get otherwise?

I wish you all the best in your journey with the person you are with, easy, blissful, difficult or otherwise because it is all very much worth it.....because you are worth it. We are all deserving of burrowing down to find this great love in ourselves.