Transcendance

All of this
some seek to make into the mastery
which is good
and fitting
we play at this
though
like children
and should ever remain as that
for all that the greatest sages have ever done
or the most insightful writer,
personal coach
inspired thinker
who has all the answers in his or her pouch of tricks
and is here to bring forth a wonder of wonders...
and as all of this happens
all we are doing is casting off a cloak that we have worn for a long time.

Its just a cloak
of attachment to our hurt
a world of reeling pain
of incredible darkness
so steeped in anger
mistrust
alignment with that part of us
which was not developed,
and marinating,
we have thus been
through countless ages
thousands of years
we have stood in this quiet forest,
cold
wet
and crying.
Pitiful we have been
sad and lonely we have been.
We have raped
through this hurt
manipulated
and achieved ever possible
level of avarice
and destructiveness.
We have been the destroyer of
silent worlds
full of glimmering possibility
at the hand of this smaller self
robed in these positions,
hurts,
and attachment....
We were the hurt one, the lonely one,
the lost ones.

The great spiral that is in each of you
is unwinding in its own way
and this massive ball of being
that is our world
a giant rolling ball of iron at its core
that slowly transforms itself from
a dark center
to an enlightened outer core of light
turns in this world
and just now
more of us are finding
we need not come back
and what a relief we think
as our being turns into the sparks that we see in our dreams
that is our own greater becoming...
and these sparks are constantly flying off this great ball
as souls are lost to some other world
finding themselves in a new/old way
because their alignment has so changed from the mean
that they could no longer stay anchored here
and flew off in the silent
and peaceful night.

I love you all
so I will tell you this great secret of your being
for I long for home
but long to have all of us in a better place
so the secret is that the world around us changes
as we change
and while the world of humankind keeps grinding out what we ourselves allow
the garden resolves
layer by layer
as we lighten
going from hardened iron
to shimmering star fire
because the Way of becoming is that we move from unresolved to resolved
unrefined to refined
and we,
as a collective,
look like this giant iron ball turning in in space
in our world
and in the center this ball is dark and dense
and those souls dreaming their lives in its center
do not see out to the world around them, to the reality that is their divine selves.

Slowly as this grand turning happens,
souls break apart from their positions
places
and hurts....
and slowly
over lifetimes perhaps
each of us slowly moves outward to the surface
slowly
snail slow
but moving
and like atoms changing valence
our composition changes
and our being begins to lighten
others in this ball bang against us
in perfect timing and we ping pong around in this dark pit
bringing awareness to every frailty,
every hurt
until it is no longer a pit
and this is the only illusion in this world,
the illusion that we are separate...
that what we feel in response to the harshness of the world
is the truth
instead of just our own frailties
expectations dashed
and suffering moved through
as our world offers a steadily changing view
of moving from dark hopelessness
to a glimmering of hope and possibility.

We conceive of gods and goddesses
in the meantime
to lead us
but the truth is they are us
a way of telling us something we could not tell ourselves
so important we made it a heresy to think that we could be the gods and goddesess...
until the day came when we and the gods' lineage could be known for what it is...

Layer by layer we move to the surface
not aware that this all leads to our liberation from this place
and way of being
and when we finally get it
we fly off
and those sparks you see rising in the night time of our world
our collective being
those are they who can no longer be in this world
no longer need be here
are no longer attracted to the vibration that is our collective
and this is how it has always been.
This world has been a hard school of learning
and this school itself has the option now to become something more....
Slowly the sparks fly
some realize that it just doesn't matter anymore
the old arguments cease
and the energy field lightens in each
until
lighter than air
we rise
and this is the ascension
just as more of us come
attracted to that dark ball of iron turning turning
and they resolve around the center of this dark iron core
attracted to it just as like attracts like
always....

We all put on similar robes
masks
and smile at each other as we do so with a nod and a wink
like actors entering the stage
which is our forgetting
and a cycle of seeking to find the truth peeking out through the cracks
that let in the light
and this cycle repeats over and over for countless souls in this nest
this divine nursery of souls
with its hard pitted center
until we no longer need that center
and become something more.

For a long time this place was a place of great hurt
but all it was
was about was casting off the cloak of our judgements,
biases, expectations, and postures
all informed not by the light that we are
but rather what lay in the soul
incomplete
but needing refinement
working out
and ultimately
simple release.

Every guru
every inspired teacher
or Swami
never did anything more than you will do
for you will do as I have done and you will do more.
By recognizing that in all of this amazingness
its just a casting off of this cloak of your restricted being
tight shoes
now uncomfortable
from centuries sometimes of wearing
because as we do we enter into that finer life
that better life
which is no longer aligned to a dark iron core
but something brighter
as the core itself swells
its own valence
polarity
changes
a giant shift
and this is why so many suspect there will be this ending
a polar shift
a coming of alien saviors....
its just our greater being coming into awareness
peeking around the edges
as those less refined of us are allowed by some maddening process of self will go about mucking up this garden....unless we simply say no more.....

When we lay aside our clothes, those things that we thought were important
the whole truth will be seen
and forgiven
like children
and we will then be not like some advanced ninth level sage with super powers
we will be like children
who feel so much better that this old cloak is no longer binding on them
and their deeper more enlightened natures have been given the chance to show through.

As long as you are not happy
your cloak is pulling on you and you can make yourself more naked.
Anytime someone hurts you with their words
as long as you are surrounded by hard hearts
its only because something has yet to be resolved
and this is not a curse
but a blessing.
It is how souls bless us
by their being them
for behind the mask
they love us beyond all limitation or sense of the cloak.
For as long as there is a problem
this is a sign that you have something to work on.
Swamis, so gifted, love the devotion of their followers
gurus who become attached to the wizardry,
all of us are not immune
and we need to be gentle with ourselves
if we are to cast off this cloak.
We want to say its hard
but its not hard.
When it slips from you
it is the most natural thing
the most blessed thing
and all of your positions
hurts
karmas
will slide off your shoulders
the same way a fine linen bedshirt slips from you
luxuriantly,
sensually
as you are made
the beloved
and you enter the bridal chamber
which is in truth a mirror
and you will see your whole self
loving itself.

It was not union with anyone
but ourselves
for we all resolve into one
we merely needed to reach a place inside ourselves that we could love ourselves fully
and until that happens
the cloak might drop away for moments at a time
but will be put back on in order to clothe ourselves in the world that we feel we belong to.

This is the secret doctrine
which I am here to teach you
as I teach myself.
Come, let us discover this together.
We can each find the dark nooks where the mountain waters flow
and trace its course through to the oceanic realm of our being.....
let yourself slip
naked and wonderous
into this water with us
and let the flow become you
as you realize
you always were the flow
and you melt into this great sea of your becoming....

Poll

I have found innumerable things in lesser-known texts which were not included in the Constantine Bible, which comprises the bulk of the Bible today which pique my interest, that speaks into the nature of Awakenings.  The language is old, but clearly I see some remnants....these are those documents which were originally burned and their proponents were branded heretics.  Nasty business, the Bible-making Niceans....

But as I follow some of these books which escaped burning in the desert of Nag Hammadi, I feel voices and words that are near-perfectly aligned with the language of awakening all the way down to how the masculine and feminine energies work together....the problem is that there are many voices in these books.  I cannot explain how I can feel it, but I can actually FEEL when there is a different voice.  It feels very much like a different person has entered the room.  I lose my place sometimes, wondering what tangent is happening. The voice has changed....silent hands have been handling this document....so many hands...hands which early early on felt they knew how to convey this truth, people who were themselves not awakened....yet desiring to know the truth and had a vocabulary that sounded right....

As I have begun to read what the scholars have had to say about these documents, my original first-read impressions have been confirmed by their study of the texts at hand, which is that its recognized that some books show real stylistic differences in how they were written, with the best appraisal being that these documents in question are themselves a kind of compilation of different writers over a period of time.  Bear in mind that Emperor Constantine didn't call the Council that would determine the makeup of the first Christian Bible until about 326 A.D. (as an accepted date by the Church itself), so documents were in-hand for a considerable amount of time before anything was even formalized.  What I am expressing, though, is not something based on a formalized sense of knowing, but something else altogether, and is one that many people do not have experience with, and thus, perhaps, confidence in. 

For myself, thus far, these senses have tended to bear out as they relate to my perceptions in the area of empathic reading of others.  Often, I have found, most recently, just reading the words of a given author will reveal immediately in my own field of feeling where their issues lie, where their issues spring from and what remains within them to align.  I always consider that I could be misreading something, and yet after some 27 years experience in reading the auric field (I began seeing and sensing auras when I was in college back in 1984) and what I know from those experiences is that we have the ability to pick up on a wide range of information that is present in a person's field of energy.  With the issue of Awakening with me, I understand and am more aware of how unresolved issues lodge in the field, and it seems that I feel these all the time as I come and go in the world.  Further, this sensing is not bound by space or time, although someone in the world who is currently engaged in the now seems to help me somewhat in the vividness of my perception.  I also consider that my own unresolved issues themselves can serve as a distortive influence in my perception, either blinding me or biasing me in various ways.

At present I go on what I feel until something inside of me aligns more completely, which makes one a clearer channel, and less biased in certain ways (and also more aware, I think).  The more distorted we are with things like belief and agenda in our own field, the less we are able to see with clear eyes.  To my way of thinking and feeling about the state of the Bible as it is now, it strikes me very much as a historical document that has been the result of a lot of strange thinking that does not adhere to the essence of Awakening.  It is my feeling or position, that anything short of awakening simply falls short.  Falling short is not itself bad, simply that there is a whole realm of knowing, sensing and being that is effectively cut off, and the process of refinement tends to not be in the same engaged sort of way.  This does not stop an adherent from meditating religiously each morning and night, or pursuing some inner path, certainly not!  I reference, though, how fast some people can cut through their dross in the midst of an awakening as opposed to, say, traditional modes of therapy.

My Mother not so long ago turned to me in wonderment when I explained how I had dealt with one very old issue from my early childhood, saying that in all her years in the mental health field she had not seen many cases of someone being able to "get at" the material that was buried so far back.  The answer was in large part how an Awakening can help catalyze such change.  I also had the help of someone who was herself an intuitive, who herself could "feel" through my issues and help guide me to the waters of my being that were the source of the problem.  What I learned through that experience was that in order to get at this material, we have to FEEL through it. Trying to wrap one's mind or memory around such a distant "memory" isn't all that effective, short of some kind of hypnotic regression. At any rate, Awakenings themselves can be a very powerful method for dealing with large chunks of unresolved material provided the person is willing to tackle it.  It is my sense that as we clear our fields of this material, and when I say "field" I mean to refer to how the energy body that comprises us contains a host of things.  Our being and awareness is not the brain, but rather the brain is the physical mechanism by which information is transferred from one "location" to another.  Some of this material does not come through the five senses, but can be spiritual.  The brain does its job of placing the memory of it, but as eastern practices suggest, feeling based memory is also lodged in the body....in the auric field of the person.  This is why acupuncture can be used to release old issues, and also the system created by Ida Rolf, known as "Rolfing" which is itself an attempt at working out those "knots" which express themselves in the body and which are themselves, she would say, I think, are mirrored in the corresponding energy field of the person.  I only know this because not so long ago I was emailing a local acupuncturist in my area about the possibility of my having some treatments with him.  I had explained that I was in the midst of a kundalini awakening, something he admitted to knowing nothing about, but I expressed my sense that acupuncture served to help open these lanes of energy so that blockages could be dissolved.  He wrote back the next day and expressed his surprise over having just seen an article written by Ida Rolf in which she discussed how she felt kundalini awakenings were themselves involved in doing the same thing she sought to do in her largely intuitive process of working out the junk that was mirrored in the body through her very intensive, and sometimes very painful body therapy. He found this to be a nice synchronistic event in our conversation, and it helped him to relate better to our conversation I think.  Anyway, the point here is that I think that as we remove those distortive elements from our field of energy, so too does it clarify our awareness.  Instead of a muddy lake, we are a clear lake, more able to see what is there to see. 

I know plenty of people who think they know what was meant in the gospels....and we all know how broadly they can be interpreted to fit some needs, desires, hopes, and agendas.  But what about a situation wherein the truth was massaged in order to help fit a concept of what a church should be....one which fit a notion about control, keeping the flock following and perhaps even dependent upon the institution for community, understanding, and their salvation?  I think to myself what separates me from those people who would only seek to foist yet another dogma or interpretation upon us all?  I think the difference is that no matter the time, religion, or culture, an awakening brings with it some common language, or some similarities in how they seek to describe what is utterly indescribable....yet leaves traces upon us.  In the Gnostic texts there is the mention of the bridal chamber as an image for understanding union with the higher self, with our god and goddess self.  What is more, there are images of the "father" and the holy ghost, which was widely known to have been the feminine side, both became one in order to bring forth the child, known as the Christ.  All of this is in sparkling evidence in the gnostic texts, and before I ever laid eyes upon such texts, I felt that in my awakening I was dealing with the progeny of the union of the feminine and masculine energies. In fact, I came up with this notion long before my awakening got under full sway, six months prior while I was in the grip of kundalini, but didn't realize just what it was.  It propelled me into nature for some reason, and in nature I was shown how things were connected from top to bottom.  I spent months trying to tease it all out, make some kind of imagistic sense of it all. But much later I would find a gnostic text, The Gospel of Thomas, that spoke nearly the same exact words as did Jesus.  Over and over, as I poured through the gnostic texts, I kept seeing bits and pieces rising to the surface like shining pearls.  These were often pearls amidst a sea of mud, sadly.  But I would find accounts in the mystics of Spain (very well positioned within traditional dogma of the church some 1,000 years after Christ), in the words of the Hindus, the Japanese Zen masters.  Over and over, I read the words of modern individuals and the effect is the same; recognition.  its not that we are trying to grasp just any unknowable thing....no; we are all trying to speak this thing and as we do, its like a given quality is invested in ALL of our lungs so that the sound itself is the same....its less what is said....because we have not been made of normal knowing.  Our knowing is aligned in such a way that we can simply feel into it if our barriers have been sufficiently melted by this fire that burns within.  It bears no mark of the ego or the mark of an overly active mind.  This rises from a certain place....and its place is IN it....yet cannot be seen but can be felt....sensed....like a wild cat can sense with keen ears what others miss, or how a hound can catch a scent that is days old and miles away....

So I ask you....what if I were to gather these things together and bring them into a collective only those things which rang true?  I say this not to forward yet another agenda, but in a sincere interest in presenting those pieces, those pearls, which I do feel have managed to survive the two thousand reign of fiddling and the desire to edit and change....and having awakened, would you be interested in identifying those writings from old that bear the marks of such an awakened sense of being?  Can we find their traces?  Can we, dare we, make them into a collective, a book?

I would thus like to know your opinion and thoughts on this...

Particle and Wave

Could it be, just as we feel inside that everything is made up of those energies which we know are masculine and feminine in nature pervade everything in our world? When I think of how males tend to work on balance in their thinking and interaction with the world, theirs is very particulated.....particle-based mental methods for approaching things.  Logical.  Left-brained often.  And women, like a wave, move in more emotional, feeling ways, very left brained, holistic.  Capable of seeing more forest, not just trees.  Men get caught up in the minutae and women sigh and smile, and look at how everything looks together.  Women need to do that because they are always thinking about the good of not just their own, but those who make up the family....and tribe.  Men often look only beyond the immediate...and can make decisions based on more fragmented evidence or facts.  Men will take an idea and run with it, women will ask "but how does that relate to how it will make us feel, how will it impact us later on down the road and why make a decision that is based on so few considerations?  Men will take things apart piece by piece in order to understand how the pieces go together whereas the woman is less concerned about the pieces of the engine or clock, their questions is will it tell me the time next week and will the car operate in its own mysterious way well enough to get me to the doctor's office and to the market?

Is it possible that the masculine is oriented toward particle consciousness whereas women are more aligned with the wave form?  And if this is so, then is it also perhaps the case that what the world needs now is the wave instead of so much reductionistic thinking, linearity and particlized ways of looking at things? And in an awakening, isn't this bringing us to the glory of this wave?  Is it possible that one part of this experience IS the wave.....BEING the wave in order to continue what kundalini is, this energy that connects us to an infinite inneffable sense of being?  Is it the particle of the male which moves into the feminine, which energizes and fertilizes it with its seeming opposite energy in order to create the "aha" moment, or the moment when life creates life?

See, I observe something in myself as well as my art students as they go to create.  I observe some behaviors that suggest to me that all of this is connected in the entirety of everything, and that it connects all things to all things.  I look at how light is not just a wave but also is a particle, how water goes from wave to particle, how all energy moves from particle to wave form....and consciousness is itself energy....so why haven't we made this connection....or have we?  Did the Hindus suggest this by saying everything in nature is connected to the masculine and feminine energies in some shape or form and do we see this crop up in quantum theory, in how all energy expresses itself in the duality of both particle and wave?

I think so.  It FEELS right to me (and I am writing about this in my book which is suggesting a new book based on something I am now calling Divine Energetics....but hopefully it wont be a dry reductionistic particalized way of expressing and communicating something that resides in all of us and which....if we can take the drift and apply it to being aware of it in ourselves...perhaps we can take that awareness in order to begin seeing into the infinite field before us....)

Ok ok....breathing deep into the wave....

www.hypersmash.com

Return

Isis

 Some time ago, there was a rise of a priest culture who sought control of a part of the cosmic pie.  Their purpose was not to let deeper spiritual truth reign, for truth itself, as known by the Ancients, was like the wind.  Each person's truth was changeable in the old ways, and yet this new tide of change involved men who sought to gain control, and power.  Their purpose, they knew, was to demonize the Old Ways, the Old Knowledge. The first thing was to make the Knowledge of the Underworld, the Earth, and our collective subconscious, a thing that could no longer be trusted.  Anyone who cares to can follow history and see how the older religions had their central figures either appropriated or demonized.  Since the energetic of this involved large tracts of awareness that was part of the feminine side of consciousness, the female was suspect.  This was a rise of the mind, ego, and an inability to see deeper into the mist of the Great Mystery.  Life was no longer sacred in the way it had been in context with an ineffable sense of the greater womb of life.  Lineages shifted from the woman to the man, even though it was the woman who could best keep track of with whom she had had children with, rather than an often transient male.  Life became commoditized (I just made up this word). 

Since then, we have seen large numbers of women who were killed because it was suspected they were witches.  This is the dogma of fear, and we very much use this same sword to justify going to war with a country that has yet to be inculcated in what was alleged (like aiding terrorists for example). The fear card plays as well today as it did thousands of years ago, so this is something for all of us to bear in mind as we move through our present day. 

The Priest culture sought to keep the feminine out of the process as much as possible by keeping their own priestesses more like slaves than anything. It was in truth a sad time, but for some an exciting time of change.  Slowly, sometimes quickly, this new paradigm sought to move its roots into the minds and hearts of as many people as possible.  It was successful because it sought to sow fear instead of trust in our deeper being. That deeper being, our infinite being, became a world that was called Hades, ruler of the Underworld.  The snake, which had been a symbol of the carrier of the energy of Awakening was used in stories that sought to make this symbol into an enemy. 

The job of selling this new religion involved grafting some of the old beliefs onto the new,  that meant using some of the same language of the divine such as sacrifice, resurrection, and the family unit of the father, mother and child as a paradigm for understanding human consciousness as it climbed the ladder of spiritual ascension. Everything that was of that realm was either demonized or appropriated and our awareness moved away from these deeper places.  This did not happen with one person, but rose up through a collective who sought to move a new tide upon the world. Woman became the demonized one, the one who facilitated the Fall, and it was the snake, the wise one from a still older tradition that included not just the Egyptians, but also the more western traditions of the Celts and Picts. While woman was still present, she was not called the Great Mother, but the Holy Ghost (see the gospel of Phillip where he questions why Jesus would have been born of a woman who had begotten with the Holy Ghost, which was known even then to be the feminine aspect of the Creator).  To admit that woman had a place at the spiritual table would have admitted her primacy as part of the triune spirit that makes up our very being.  This very much happened with the Native People of North America when it came into contact with the paternalistic spin on spirituality replete with control and development of something called "Divine Providence."  Their father god had given them the right to go forth and not just take over this new land but to impose their beliefs.  We know the images of savage Indians ready to scalp took over the imaginations of westerners.  The real truth was these sovereign beings sought to oust these invaders.  Scalping itself took place as a result of the whites paying for scalps to those Indians in the east who were in the pocket of whites. Here, an aspect of us trampled all that they held dear, and desecrated the breast and womb of the great Mother Earth. 

Time now to give Woman her rightful place in the "order" of mystery and luminous being, to enshrine her again as we learn to honor that which has been reviled, feared, and swept under the cosmic rug.  

It is now time to see clearly what was done in order to begin to undo the centuries of mistrust, to see that what was labeled was merely labeled, and that "truth" is indeed changeable, that the real constant in this world is Meaning, for we all need meaning, but truth changes from person to person in accord with the path they walk at any given time. A snake in one culture was used to describe the quality of the energy that moved in an Awakening, yet in another, the truth of the snake was viewed through the lens of mistrust and fear.  This was not by accident. This was a creation by humans seeking an agenda. This was the act of gaining adherents, a giant, far-reaching, and cosmic sales job, of building market share (and you do this at the expense of your competitors) The process of demonizing was to undercut confidence spiritually, and open up the Way to new adherents.  Sow fear, then gather converts. If its sounds crass, then consider that real people were involved in a process of doing this while in high places.  It also meant that any mention of woman being important in this new Path needed to be scrubbed.  If you go back to what happened in Constantine's time, what books were kept out, you might begin to get an idea, but it takes some looking (and some books did not surface until very recently in the desert of Nag Hammadi

The path forward, now though, is not one of uncertainty but of a budding glowing knowing that goes beyond all dogma, beyond all religion or path.  Krishnamurti offered the world the idea of the pathless path. It was not a Way that was without direction or moral compass.  It was a way that was WITH pure direction but without the clinging of dogma that naturally distorts no matter the religion.  We can, if we are brave enough, arrive at something that is without attitude or bias but a pure state of love for All, which is necessary if we are to be One World, or joined in peace. The current New World (they call it an "order") is about control. Its just a new batch of people under the same banner.  They would see the world as Huxley envisioned or as the book 1984 so brilliantly outlined.  This is merely the same old stuff.  But rising in this age is the Great Mystery of the Goddess, of the feminine side to all of our consciousnesses into the mainstream. This has been foretold, and is a necessary ingredient if we are to create the necessary synthesis of being in order to move forward in a new way.  Thus Isis and her sisters come whispering to us in the night for those who will listen.  These goddesses did not die, they were merely ignored.  They have a vitality and being that is afforded every being, for Isis, in her true life, walked the earth as a woman, and legends built up around here, just as they did with her brother and lover Osiris and Set.  They have gone on to be the beings hey always were, and whose consciousness is capable of blending into our own conceptions and mythologizing, for even belief carries energy and consciousness is energy.  The attention once given to her and many others, like Inaana from Ur, has acted like a wave upon which they ride in the cosmic scheme of things.

This path is not hard to follow.  It is largely intentional, and requires some surrender.  When you reach a place of awakening, it will help you to see with fresh eyes the being that you are when you are ready to see it.  It also requires that you simply consider that humans are not unerring beings, that their truth is like the wind and only has the permanence of that.  After all, a kundalini awakening can so undo years of beliefs tightly held and karmas which have shuttered eyelids and hearts.  Welcome to the new era!  She comes whispering in the night, and you can let her in quietly, even secretly.  And when you do, you say yes to a great tomorrow that carries a Balance, and this Balance is so important for us as an ingredient in bringing the old order into a New One.  This wont be an order based on control, but a recognition of a great mystery of our infinite being, and how that infinite being can infuse our times with genius and pure awe.  All you need do, if you doubt me, is to go to a spring, a source where water rises up and then dream her into your awareness.  This was how we honored her in the past, by knowing her great secret lay beneath our feet, beneath our awareness, ready to bubble up with some fantastic tidbit or explosion of realization.  After all, your creative impulse relies on a largely unconscious infusion of both masculine and feminine energy in order to reach that "Aha!" moment of conception. You might not be involved in something that appears like union in our world, it is nonetheless a form of it in your own body.  Honor this great union which wants to happen in every nook and cranny of creation!  It does!  Now don't be afraid to let that bliss flow through you, for as you do you let in the goddess and the god.  And then you shall know peace.  And wonder.  And love.  And more....

Time for the Old Ways to return, but its return will be new in this age.  Its spirit is as old as the cosmos and she whispers in your dreaming.  She breathes through every cell in your being and is working just now upon every being, every particle, on the planet, for a shift is happening and it will be effected at the deepest levels for those who are made ready.  This is the result of an agreement that we made collectively.  Let her breathe into you, as she brings something you have needed so much for so long....

Beyond

spiral from stone carving at Lagrange, Ireland

Beyond your conceptions
Beyond your attitudes
beyond your bias
belief and judgments
is a place
where the transcendent may be understood.

It wont be understood by your mind
but felt as a current running through you
as it seeks to tell you the truth of it;
it IS you
you are it.
This is beyond the seperation
the fall
the distance we have put ourselves at in relation to the divine.


I will meet you in this world
this realm beyond mind
but not beyond self
not beyond perception
or knowing....
it is merely a knowing that is not knowledge.
Its language is ordered by the syntax of love
and its way is boundless.

Why I am Here

I am Here
to remind you
of the great love that you are.

I am not here to move mountains
but to remind you that you can, and will, move them,
for I am only one man
and simple.

I do not have that power
but you do.

I am here also to remind you of the beauty that is your soul
and how that beauty can manifest itself
in ways you could never even dare imagine.
I can imagine
for I know
the beauty that is you.

Shed your light,
all of you.
You are the collective voice
the collective love
and beauty
which will be the deciding factor
in making a new world manifest.

I am here to simply remind you
that you can
and that you will
if you but hear that which is in my small voice
trembling on this precipice
the wordless wonder
that you are.

Awakening Kundalini

There is a lot of interest in kundalini these days.  Mostly, I think, because of the sheer numbers of people who are experiencing such awakenings.  Many yoga centers are offering kundalini yoga as a regular part of their offerings.  There is a lot of information now on the web of others' experiences, and this fuels interests and awareness.  All good things, I think.  Based on my own experience thus far it has been the single most productive spiritual tool for actually getting the hard work done that had been left undone up until now.  I do feel, though, that some things need to be considered before trying to jump into the cosmic soup of your being.

I will give you some information on awakening in a practical way, but if you are new to this idea of awakening, I recommend that you understand what you are in for.  Once turned on, there doesn't seem to be any going back.  You are placed on a path in such an intentional way that you eat live and breathe it.  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready for this energy to be in the forefront of your awareness all the time?  Are you ready to lift off into the bliss of the moment only to realized you forgot half your groceries in the store, or somehow forgot those very earthly important tax payments that were due last month?  Its an adjustment, and you might begin to wonder if you have it all together. You are having to learn a new way to be.  Are you ready?  If you are, read on and know there is more information at the end that is nitty gritty...

Kundalini is not something you can redeem the warranty on.  There are no pay-backs in this.  When it is awakened, you have awakened a sacred fire that can burn sweet or burn hard.  Its up to you, really, how this experience goes.  You might feel it will go well for you while what your biggest problem facing you prior to an awakening is a powerful ego which will also blind you to the issues that wait for you (most notably how you will manage to dissolve and reform that powerful ego).  I say this because I thought I had spent years in self reflection and knew myself. I thought I had lived a pretty examined life up until kundalini struck like lightening in full daylight.  My ego, which was quite healthy, had hidden some of the reality from my awareness.  This resulted in a very difficult melting process (this continues to this day). I also had to face some things that had utterly escaped me my whole life, things I knew were there but were seemingly beyond my ability to wrap my head around.  Part of the problem was that I had lived in my mind and could no sooner wrap my head around them as I could fly to the moon.  I had to learn an entirely new way of being and approaching these things.  This amounted to a complete retooling of my being in many respects, all with a tendency to run out back when things got rough to rifle through the junk pile to find that old egoic or mental tool I had just months before tossed out so triumphantly.  This is a growth process, and some of it involves repatterning yourself.  Be patient.

Second, if you are honest with yourself, you will be surprised by what meets you in that place that is yourself. This process will come in waves, layers, and cycles. Kundalini will absolutely kick your butt if you seek to utilize the old modes of approaching internal stuff.  This process is in many ways foreign to what you have probably been used to.  Its as though you wound your way all the way up the corporate ladder for 30 years only to reach the top where the old man and woman who headed the entire corporation quite simply told you one day that all of the strategies you employed in your climbing of those illusory stairs simply weren't going to work anymore for the rest of your journey there. On that day, you might feel disillusioned, perhaps lost. Then, after so many years of having done things a certain way, you had to begin to retrain yourself all the way down to the atomic level.  This is just how unforgiving kundalini is.  It WANTS you, but it wants you entirely surrendered of ALL the stuff you have created here on this earth that does not serve higher consciousness or alignment to it. This is only so because now, sitting in that board room, you are being told that the way forward would be very different if you are to be the head of this company, and the people telling you this stark truth is your soul which is in truth a boundless indefinable being that exists in countless worlds, lives, and places.  And here you are, thinking you had it all figured out, now having to come up with a new strategy.  And this strategy will involve not just a behavior refit, but an atomic and chemical one. From bottom to top you will be changed by this thing, and at first it might feel as though something foreign is suddenly invading your body.  If you have issues with surrender, this one might give you some issues.

My point here is not to waive you off from moving forward with your journey. I am here standing at the gate of this magnificent garden welcoming you, but explaining that amongst the flowers are some thorns.  These thorns you will not just feel as a mere prick but might be something you will feel into your deepest regions.  The real truth is that the garden destination isn't a destination but a process.  You have seen the same garden your whole life, but this experience will change how you view and relate to it.

Here is what happens......

You grow up in this world, which is messed up to be quite frank.  Absent a good user manual, we have had to go on guesswork.  We are the children of a greater becoming, living our lifetimes here waiting for something.  Our biggest questions such as why are we here, our larger purpose, all can in some way or manner be informed by the experience of an Awakening.  This was what Jesus spoke of as the kingdom.  Its all around you.  Its in nature and its in you.  It begins like that mustard seed, and it reveals a larger world.  To reach the higher vibrational states that this experience can offer, there is a lot of "work" that needs to be done.  In the process of growing up you have been informed by the media and a culture that has some pretty messed up ideas about how things are. These reflect back to us some of our values. We are patterned with all sorts of things that we are told that matter.  Our appearance, our income level, our worth as individuals, as well as a healthy dose of violence, raw sexuality, and a pretty shallow consideration of how to better ones self. Even religions themselves have their own bite to take out of the cosmic pie in a way that is distortive of the divine truth of your own soul.

All of this patterning based on egoic control, self esteem, self image, spirituality, and all the rest, is based on a fairly low bar.  Granted, in this world there are some great teachers, and the world abounds with the opportunity to rise above the dross to know something more.  But by the time kundalini tends to hit, which in the mean is around the mid to late thirties and into the 50's.  Some awakenings have happened earlier, and some later.  But the point here is that by this time that the bell begins to toll, there is a lot of patterning that has occurred.  This has had its effect upon you biologically, mentally, emotionally, and karmically.  This all has to be undone, basically.  This may sound severe, but the reality of the situation is that ego does not go away, nor does your mind.  What does happen, though, is that ego and mind have to be used in the most natural way, which is to deal with some very specific issues in your life.  Ego is great for spotting other boats on the horizon and the mind can examine those boats and tell you what kind they might be, or suggesting some very basic things like the best method of approach.  The mind is a good tool for small things, but for grasping life, the mind and ego must be set aside.  As Osho has said so perfectly, life is a mystery which you must live. The mind and ego are tools that carry with them judgments and opinions, and these have nothing at all to do with the great ineffable realm that is life. By life I do not mean the cultures that reside within it, but rather what reality is, what BEING is absent your positions, beliefs, and all the rest.

Since kundalini begins to work out the things inside of you that has remained unresolved, you will be faced with somehow dealing with these things. Since kundalini brings some level of awareness of them, it will also bring an awareness of how these lower vibrational things (like hurt, trauma, guilt, and shame for starters) stand in dissonance with your higher vibrational awareness of being. It is this discrepancy that creates the pain in you which you will certainly begin to feel at some point in this experience.  Its hard to explain how it feels, but I have read many accounts of kundalini and when the experiencer begins to explain this part, I know just what they are talking about. Feeling the pain means you are still holding onto this unresolved knot or issue which absolutely lodges itself in your energy body in the same way a memory is stored in the brain or mind.  This, though, is not a memory but the PAIN or negative emotion associated with a memory from your past.  Its as though the memory is stored in your brain but the FEELING becomes lodged in your energy field, or the FEELING part of you.  You will feel it localized based on its history or vibrational rate.  In this way, as you remove this material, kundalini will teach you about how energy works. You wont learn this in a mental way, but hopefully in a feeling way, which is just as it should be.

When you get to this material, it might wind up feeling a bit like a fossilized thing, and you might feel at a loss as to how to deal with it.  This is because you have been so used to thinking everything through.  This is a problem that cannot be solved with intellect and reason.  it has to be worked out through something deeper.  It can only be resolved with the energetics of your higher self, or those parts of you which are beyond the earthbound paradigms.  It means feeling your way through it and learning how to forgive, to let go and move on.  This is only done by going through the briar patch of your soul, not around it.  Going around it will just leave the issue undone and waiting for you.  You will learn that these things all have their own magnetic reality and that as you drop the stuff that clutters your field, you will also begin to shift your world in subtle and overt ways.

Now, for some good news.  Your being is boundless, and it can attract as much as you believe it can attract.  If you need certain resources they can show up at your door moments after wishing for them.  I say this only because this has happened in this fashion in just this way for me so I know it can work this way.  Now how others' experience this, I cannot say.  I can only speak to my own experience.  I know that if change happens, it can have a noticeable effect on your life in a very immediate way.  You may find people who before were treating you a certain way are no longer treating you in the same way.  If you dropped a certain karma that attracted a certain kind of behavior from them (and you) this will dissolve quite quickly.  And for those who happen to be caught in a similar karma as you who are in your life who do not themselves change, it means they are holding onto something that quite simply no longer is an issue for you.  This, though, does feel to me to have an effect.  If someone tends to blame you for problems that dont really belong to you but are their own unexamined junk, there will be something missing from the equation when you let drop the karma that made you the scapegoat in these kinds of relationships. With all of this being at its core energetic, it has an effect.

Being emotionally honest with yourself is a first important step in grabbing hold of the tail of this thing.  The tiger whose tail you will have a hold of will be the tiger that is made up of your own demons, so having a clear-eyed inventory of yourself is important in my experience.  The other is a willingness to not know how to solve a problem but to simply surrender in the moment in a way that is unconditional.  Only in this way will you move through that briar patch of your personal life.  Think about your relationships. Which ones give you the most challenges?  Where you rub the most against others is where its best to look for the nitty gritty issues that will most likely face you in an Awakening.  Are there things from your past that you have not been able to forgive? Regardless of how you feel about this issue in your past, being able to forgive the person or event or situation in a complete unconditional way is the true way of dissolving the karma that will make this thing pop up in an awakening.  By bringing yourself to a more surrendered place first, you will be able to do a lot of the work before the tiger begins to whip itself around to give you a seeming snarl.

The way through this, quite honestly, is the path of unconditional love.  If you can feel into this place within you (and it is surely in you--it is your divine birthright), you will be more prepared. If you forgive something in your life while still feeling any residue of emotion or investment in it as a victim or a hurt person, this residue will remain until it is cleared from your being.  Kundalini is an uncompromising teacher.  Either you are there or you aren't  Not being there isn't a judgement put upon you by the universe, its more like a law...like gravity.  It just is.  Its how things are ordered, how energy works.  You can't buffalo the universe.  The universe, though, is boundless love, and its waiting for you when you have disrobed of all of your pretense, all of your postures, your karmas, and issues.

When you come to this thing utterly naked of your conditioning and willing to be shown this great "something more," will you understand the incredible gift that this has afforded you.  As you move along this path, though, you will be afforded glimpses as you get closer and closer to the gate that contains this great and lovely garden of your soul.  And there, in that moment, you will enter, and while there will still be briars, it wont matter any more that they are there.  You will have accepted them unconditionally as part of this life.  You cannot undo what has been done to you nor what you have done in this world. What makes the difference is the unconditional love that we bring. This becomes the only real way forward.  And as this realization is reached in your deepest cellular memory, you will be free.  You will have overcome the world.  You will have entered the kingdom.  Since this is a growing experience, we continue the process of refinement.  Layer by layer this takes place within you, so be patient.

Kundalini will go where you go.  If you move into fear or anger, it will move there with you. As you drop the negative, you will create more room in your being for the bliss that is life.  Still, there can be some yo-yo action that happens.  This is not to say you wont have dark nights of the soul.  This is not to say that you wont feel bamboozled by this thing.  This thing, though, is you.  Its a very individual journey, often a private one.  You might even feel what the purpose is, and what I can say is that this is about getting to a better place within ourselves.  Kundalini is not out to get you, so its best to trust that its got your best interests at heart and apply as much grace and surrender as you can.

Piece by piece, you will begin to see the world changing from one that was viewed through the distortive lens of hurt and trauma to one that is viewed through bliss, love, and joy.  For as hard as this can be, so can it be as easy as you make it.

Understanding this, realize that kundalini IS you.  Its not a thing outside yourself. It may FEEL this way when the energy comes on strong, when you break the dam that is holding your awareness of it back. You are perhaps in a way bridging the energy of the conscious with the subconscious. 

The way kundalini is activated is by dissolving division in the self.  Period.  If you don't understand what this is let me give you some examples.  A lingering old hurt or pain or shame in you will cause you to be divided inside. I don't think most people think about it this way, but it IS the way.  Here, we are getting down into the very root source of your energy system.  You don't notice it more than likely, but now is the time to notice and understand. You also hold beliefs that limit you because they divide you.  Lets take a look at a few for illustrations sake. You love intimacy.  You love how this feels.  But you actually feel shame and loathing whenever you make love. You feel somewhere inside of you that there is something about it that makes you feel bad.....like what you are doing is not in your highest.  You were just being weak by giving into that desire. This is perhaps one of the most common beliefs.  And it absolutely divides you. Powerfully.  Either you understand this or you don't.  If you don't, then belief has you and you simply will not be able to get what it is I am offering you.  You have to change your beliefs.  If you do not, you will remain divided.  If you remain divided, the energy cannot rise.  It only rises when both channels of energy in you are unified.  You have to provide a good conduit for the energy to become aware within you.  It becomes aware of you as you become aware of it. 

But wait.....I am not telling you how to raise kundalini, am I?  Where are the techniques?  The methods?  Hang on. No method will ever help until you become ripe. The only way you become ripe is to do the work that you need that will allow you to so ripen.  Ripening is what you do through INTENTION. So you have to INTEND that you are going to take the next step. It can be an utter mystery what you will find. Those who found a new land did not know what they would find, yet still got there by intending to go and not be concerned with getting lost.  If you do that, you might as well go home and take up crossword puzzles because this is not for the feint at heart.  You have to know this is for you. Is it? 

Dissolving division in you will create a space for this energy to rise.  Will this alone be enough to cause the energy to come on?  It did for me. When I forgave myself of an old lingering guilt I felt, I could feel how I had been carrying a heavy burden around for years.  It occupied so  much worry and shame for me that it effectively was using up a lot of my vital force and energy. It was also serving to shift my focus.  Once I did away with this small shame I had about not doing enough for the world, I felt 80 lbs lighter.  And this feeling persisted and kundalini began to slowly awaken from that time forward. But does this mean it will cause you to awaken?  No.  This was what worked for me, but it also points to how important not being divided is. If you have conflicting beliefs, work on them. Become more natural in your belief. Your body is not bad.  Your desire is not bad.  This was all promulgated by a paternalistic desire to control the masses via belief.  This effectively locked up peoples' ability to tap their own font of inner bliss.  The way to kundalini is not around the tabboo but THROUGH it. I told you that this was not for the feint of heart. If it is divine, it will persist.  If it is not, it will be transmuted or dissolved within you.  

Work on relationships.  These are other sources of division. This will help you a lot. 

Now. The energy. 

Your body is made up of two halves. These have two currents of what could be called masculine and feminine.  You can see this reflected in how your body is put together.  You are symmetrical, and these two sides have long been thought as being male and female. Even the hemispheres of the brain have had sexual attributes accorded to them.  The right brain is intuitive, creative, and is able to see the forest, the big picture.  The left brain is linear, concrete, and allows us to see the individual elements, the trees instead of the forest.  We know that when we are most creative its not just the right brain becoming active.  Its actually BOTH sides.  The brain moves into a whole state and works together instead of seeing one side or another.  This is the division, you see.  Even in thinking and feeling ESPECIALLY since this is what helps drive kundalini.  No method....just a WAY of being inside you.  When you are at peace within, you are not feeling division. You have settled down all these many parts of you.  You are able to see all sides.  You feel compassion, empathy.  This is what this state of unity brings within.  

So what about the methods?  I know, you want to know about methods. First is breath.  The only thing breath does is it calms you and tells you that you are calm.  Then you are.  When you are calm and your mind calms down, you have less chatter in your head. Its more possible for you to then feel more deeply into your depths. And this is where it comes.  So try breath.  The method will seek to help you to visualize the feeling of energy rising up within you.  It is not coincidence that many awakenings can involve a third eye opening prior to the rising of the energy.  Perhaps you have felt your third eye activate.  There is a pressure there, maybe it feels like you have something pressing there.  Maybe like a dime has been placed there.....the sensation is like a pressure.  So what to do? Well, stop thinking what you should do.  If you do that, your energy is more focused.  Now place your attention on the third eye. Just put it there.  Go through your day putting your attention there.  Calm down some,  let your awareness be more focused and put your attention there.  The thing is not to try to DO anything.  All of this is deeper than even doing.  Its being. You are beginning to activate the light body and the only way you are going to do that is to bid this energy you don't even know to go there. You do this through intention and focus. I know all the while you are thinking "I have no idea what it is I am doing or even looking to do....except to maybe raise this energy which I know nothing about..."  Of course.  You don't know it.  But because its YOU, if you are ready, it will come. Eventually, it will come when you are ready. The idea goes, you are drawing the energy upwards from the root by focusing on the crown or third eye.  For me, I often had third eye activations over many years.  It was easier for me to activate the third eye.  Maybe it was how visual I was, but many others whose accounts I have read have also discussed how their third eye opening spread into something more.  the pressure built until it was like the head is in a vice.  Thought strong, this never hurts.  Its perhaps slightly alarming or unusual....but nothing more than that. If its taking place this way, then something powerful is happening.  You are most likely stirring the depths in the process.  Does it mean that kundalini rises as a direct result?  Understand that this is based on this batch of material in you....where you have been....what you have done....how you feel.  You are kind of rewinding all of that stuff to get yourself untangled by this material in you.  But all of this WILL have an effect. You are rewinding, wearing away the stone.  All methods will be used to remind you what you may not yet fully realize....and so you imagine, you create an image of this energy rising upwards.  

Clearing the chakras could also help. Focusing on these energy centers can help them to activate more.  Will it work for you?  Wear away the stone, I say.  What ever method you use, realize it is mean to create a feeling calm and centering and the idea of something rising.  So kundalini meditation might work.  In my own awakening, I had no practice per se, so these methods are not absolute.  As a result of this, it could be said that knowing your truth beyond your karma is where this energy lies. What is your essence?  Feeling into this is I think the thing that motivates you spiritually, that provides you with the oomph for getting you where you need to go in your search. 

By learning how to let go instead of piling on more ideas and conceptualizations, you get closer to the essence of all of this. Most of the visualizations involve using elements like swimming in water or taking baths which may all work if they get you feeling more open and relaxed. The best thing is to imagine energy flowing through each chakra, flowing through perhaps like water and clearing out all blocks.  Go one by one.  Let the water swirl in, around and then shoot out from the front of you.  Then bring in this force of water into the next and do the same thing.  Think of it like washing your hands or enjoying a bath.  Keeping it simple is the best way at first.  Just keep going up the chain and imagine purifying and cleansing. Breath deeply as you do this, feeling breath taking in this flow and then the flow being expelled. Think that with each flow you are clearing.  You will be sending a powerful message to your subconscious that it should work on doing this, and where your intent goes the rest of you is likely to go also. Another method that can also work well is to practice moving energy work.  Learning Qi Gong (also spelled Gung) is a very effective way to clear the energy system of blockages.  It may not bring the energy upwards, but it can have a very good effect on your energy field, which will increase energy flow.  

The essence of any practice will be to know that you are not separate from the universe.  You think you are, and this is what your awareness has done; it has built itself up as individual but this is only part of who you are.  Sages call this the "illusion." Actually, I don't think that way.  I see it as a creation for us to learn through.  But regardless, you have another part of you, and this part is in everything.  In the energy that you experience as JUST you, this energy touches upon all other energy in the cosmos. This is where the practice begins.  You do not have to know yourself as everything, for you are this.  Your awareness weeds this sense out.  Absolutely.  Its less that you aren't one day able to feel the universe and another that you can't.  You already are, and you merely have to get the point, to understand how this works. The best way, then, usually means looking within.  This is where the blocks to this sensing are installed. You are going to go from a finite consciousness to a wave.  This is fundamentally two very different things.  

So ask yourself.....what is it that keeps you from feeling this togetherness of everything?  Say then to yourself as you focus inward that you are part of everything else, from the inside out not from the outside inward.  the secret of how all this works by finding your insides.  IF this world is illusion, or a creation, then everything "out there" is for your benefit to see AS the creation.  If you shift to what is within you, then you experience what is yours as the universe. Its a small point and perhaps even a confusing one, but it all begins within first.  remove the blinders there, and the rest falls away. 

Each chakra corresponds to a different aspect of awareness of energy. Its as though there is this octave of sound that is energy and you con't know it all by hearing just one note.  Its seven of these notes, and each will give you a different feeling.  Each chakra is a looking glass into the infinite, this universe. Taken together, you have a fuller range of knowing or experiencing directly this flow of energy. 

Nemaste

How This Changes

As an artist, this experience has changed the way I look at art making.  I have found that I am best when I become a channel for this energy in my work.  This takes the artmaking out of its usual context.  It goes into collaboration, into whole new areas I had not thought much about.  Also, there is something to be said about manifesting....as I began to consider the role of the masculine and feminine energies in creation, how I wanted to begin to bring these energetics closer into focus in my work I found that I had someone approach me with a commission to produce work for a larger sculpture that wound up being a piece that integrated masculine and feminine aspects into the work!  Now how could I have advertised for a better job than that?  It simply came to me.  Art became more of a shamanistic process, I realized, as it helped to convey subconscious material to the conscious, which often leads to healing.  Just like how I very recently had a memory from a past life explain why I had a pain in my heart, it seemed just realizing where it came from helped me to release this stuff lodged in me, and it floated away....

I have always tended toward abstraction in my sculptural work.  I have been fascinated with how I could transmit spiritual ideas in ways such as this. Once the Awakening hit and I began to integrate it better, I found that my ideas began to resolve in more figurative concepts. That is to say that a lot...nearly all....of the ideas I have thus far conceived of involving my most recent experience has to do with using the figure as the measure.  The thing has been getting time to do this work which represents a change in media and way of working. Ideally these figures would be larger than life size.  This makes them no simple matter to construct and move around. 

The work remains to be done. I hope that I can begin it.  So many questions swim around as to technical issues, but just as I have taught my students, we simply jump in feet first and worry about the details later because they always have a way of resolving themselves as we go along. 

How has a kundalini awakening changed how you live your life?  Has it changed how you eat, see the world, or what you buy into or purchase at the market?  Do you find yourself being more creative?  Less? Do you write now when you hadn't before?  What has changed for you?  Or has it been so subtle that its hard to express how you have been changed?  Do you find it hard to focus on details, do you feel caught up in the vastness of what this experience offers? Is it simple instead of vast?  Send me your thoughts and I will publish them here.  Do you write poetry?  Music?  Paint?  If you have a web site, I will link to it.  Do you make something that you think makes life better?  Let me know, perhaps I can provide our other readers a view into your world.  Simply send a comment to the blog with the information. 

-Blessings-

Seed

This opens
like the smallest seed possible.
This seed is interconnected to everything
its essence lies in all other things
because it is the essence of All.
You need not know more than that
to find the  place where this seed opens.

When you wake
you awaken the seed in you.
Like a spark,
it grows
and widens
and it builds in all of you
the knowing that is beyond knowledge
and whose truth
is united in love
for without its guiding rudder
you are rudderless
in this
the waking.

This seed grows
in the world
that is
super position.
This is why it eludes so many.
We live here, like corpses really
existing in particalized consciousness
prisoners of mind
until the moment comes when particle is ready to jump into the wave.

When you learn about superpostion in your being
you learn what you must
to bring the spark
that cracks open that seed in you
and it spills itself out in you.
Only by this
will you come
by the world
invisible a moment before
now visible
and amazing.

Mustard seed.
Spreading wide
it is a kingdom
first like a drop
but opening to a giant boundless ocean.
This was what He meant
when he spoke of this world of the mustard seed
spreading out before us....
and if you would know its mystery
you need to be easy with more mystery
mother of the inneffable
she will show you all the love
that you need
as father of illumination fills you
each belongs to each
as they spiral upwards
carrying you
beyond your particalized awareness.
Spread your seed far and wide
let the creative force
like a wave
spread over the land
let each soul
discover the seed of their greater becoming
as its branches spread out before us all
and gives us the shelter we need
the love
and compassion
that we so badly need
in this world....

Pythagoras asked that he be accepted into the mystery schools
but they said
"we are not interested in knowledge
only experience"
and so he asked what he had to do
and they prescribed the secret:
fast
breathe
eyes closed
focused on the third eye
then you might be a changed man.
Only then would they accept him
the greatest mind of his time rebuffed....

He returned to Egypt
a changed man.
He had done as they had said
and in this is a secret to you all
for lying dormant in you is the spark
that shall awaken that seed
of the great mystery within us all
a wave that you learn to ride
and once you are on that wave
are forever changed.

This is the secret knowledge
which is beyond all knowing
for to reach that place
means you are ready for mystery
and this is why they were mystery schools.
This was where He studied.
This was where the tale of the mustard seed was conceived.
Here, in Egypt,
where his mother was a high priestess of the greatest of mysteries
was where he was awakened
where he learned the secrets of super position
in sparking the awakening that is the birthright of each person.

The Coming Awakening

Awakenings,  nonduality, kundalini, Qi.

All of these things describe a phenomenon that is currently happening with greater frequency in our world.  For those who have been touched by its awesome power, their lives are irrevocably changed forever.  Even glimmers of Awakening can set a person's life on a different course, that is how profound the experience is.  Some have had the more stereotypical awakening that is described in the literature coming from the India about kundalini rising up the spinal column and blasting through each chakra to move out of the crown in the head. Because these types of awakenings are the most dramatic events I suspect they are paid more attention to and also because of how the experience was seen to progress in the centuries-old tradition of the Vedics. These traditions, though, reflect their own orientation in the world, and their own perspective colors their perceptions to some degree.  in the eastern tradition kundalini is seen as Shakti, the feminine principle in the dual universe of masculine and feminine dynamics.  The reality, though, is that the people experiencing this awakening were mostly men and in an experience such as this, we bring to the table or own perception and experience.

The masculine and feminine current in all things is a might broad mirror and you can see limitless stuff in that mirror. In truth, the energies are both masculine and feminine and both move through the body equaly. Such awakenings can proceed ina wide range of ways, and rather than getting locked into a perspective that says one way is valid while another is not, its more important to pay attention to what it is doing to you.  Some would say that there are some Awakenings that are not kundalini and I have to say that all kundalini is or all an Awakening is, is an abundance of energy which triggers a physiological change in you and begins an unmistakable process which is impossible, I think, to ignore.  It may seem simplistic, but you will know that this is on an order and magnitude different from anything you have experienced.

So have you had a kundalini awakening or an experience with nonduality?  Have you felt as though something was definately up, that this energy seems to have a mind of its own.  Is it causing your energy centers to rev up and do you feel a definate sense of an energy moving through you beyond mere surface effects?  When I was in college I sat across from a friend who suggested we do something called an energy transferal.  I wondered what this was, and it was explained that it was a way to understand a person on a deeper level.  This was very much like reading an aura I was told, except it involved a deeper sensing. As we sat there, things were very quiet.  I wondered what my friend was picking up on?  Our hands then were shifted into a new position and something happened.  I experienced a sense of myself expanding, as though my awareness was going beyond my body.  This went on until I felt myself expand well beyond the attic space of the house, spilling out into the air above as I was given a 360 degree view of the outside around the house I was sitting comfortably in.  I understood that this was some interaction of me and my friends' energy fields, but what this was, I didn't know.  I understood, though, at an intuitive level, that energy shifts awareness, or can build awareness.  Certainly this did happen, but I know it was not an Awakening.  I was filled like a balloon energetically , yes, but I did not have an experience with that soul self I have come to know as a hallmark of my experience today.  In a sense the energetics of this experience I just described, while interesting, it didn't go deep within me.  Something simply wasn't triggered as was the case with a kundalini awakening. And it just might be that we are like layers; we contain layers of material that must be worn away before our energy fields can take the energy of an awakening, before the energy can trigger those centers in our bodies that will initiate the local physical effects that will eventually provide the bliss that this experience is known for.  The other thing was that while this was an interesting experience, it also did not lead to a noticeable change in me other than shifting my awareness.   While my friend was dumbfounded at the time WHY the energy did what it did, I don't think either of us would describe it as anything like kundalini. it may just be that when we feel kundalini we are experiencing the same energy as e have always felt, we simply have removed enough stuff from ourselves in order to pick up its more powerful sublime aspects. 

Kundalini itself a an intelligence, an awareness of a very refined form. It does not seek to create divisions within us about which form of bliss is better or more preferable than another. EVERY form of bliss is bliss to this intelligence.  It all proceeds, emanates, and builds from a divine source which is more or less a pure stream of love which is itself naturally creative in nature.  As a result of its creative nature, it can and will flow into every single form we give it here.  Its what it does.  Because of our freewill we can choose forms of creativity that are positive or negative.  It is without condition.  While we may shrink back at war and pestilence as being an aspect of the creative, they are.  This does not make them good, though.  They merely reflect their creators.  They are only as good as those that made it. In truth, all energy is conscious, so there is a great responsibility that we are handed in our creativity.  Events, then, have their own form of consciousness.  Certainly they cannot be compared to the consciousness of a lady bug or leaf or an atom of oxygen.  Everything made or created has its own life, and we are here learning the consequences of the good and bad.  Ultimately, for myself at least, this is the great lesson that kundalini confers.  EVERYTHING is connected, everything is alive even if it does not adhere to our understanding of what alive is.  Afterall, what we don't know outstrips in scope what we do know.  This can be daunting in the face of an Awakening, so small things first!

Kundalini is in many ways neutral in that if you are ready to embrace the change, you will find yourself actually doing this in a powerful and beautiful way.  If you are oriented towards the shadow aspects of being such as anger, fear, or revenge, things will be powerfully difficult.  My feeling is because these things are actually counter to the universe, which always seeks upwards in its divine awareness and being.  The shadow or darker parts of ourselves only seem to be powerful because of the energy we put there.  If you put a lot of fear into something it will bristle with that creative energy given it (even though its the negative pole of things).  This can be as easy or as hard as you make it.  It can be hard, though, because it means that some parts of you must dissolve in order for this larger self to make its presence more felt in your life.  In the end, this is more like a wall dissolving. It might SEEM like your world is falling away, but give it time and patience, and be easy on yourself.  A little love goes a long way.  

Awakenings create a bridge to the soul or Essential Self.  I like to use Essential Self because when I began using the term in my writing, it was what came to me, what felt most natural.  I suppose I may have heard the term before but for me it meant the soulself.  As I began to look around at others and their experiences with Awakenings, I saw they too used this term, and that was something of a comfort to this little earthbound self in a way, and also a reason for my Essential Self to nod in agreement.  So natural and perfect that we would use similar language even though we are all separated by miles and lifetimes of things on this earth!  By creating a bridge to this Essential Self the energetics of the Essential Self begin to flood into the Now, into the earthbound self and its experience here.  This can set up a kind of......disharmonious vibration, which is the result of the higher vibrations of the soul coming in greater intensity into the physical realm of your vibrational rates (which are a cluster of rates all contained within your energy field with each thought or emotion having its own particular vibration for example). This lack of harmonic alignment is how the energy of kundalini does its work; it will show you what is not in alignment by its simply being what it is and your earthly self which has these lower vibrations of fear and hurt and anger, frustration, loathing, etc. , associated with it and will reveal those places to your awareness when these things were once more in the background, perhaps even subconcious. This creates some degree of awareness within the self, even though the process can be hard dealing with these new vibrations and what they do inside of us.  What is happening is you are being undone, and the feeling of losing that familiar control can be hard.  This is where it can be helpful to have someone who can hold your hand and tell you that its going to be okay, that you will get through this.  Ultimately, much of what has been shoved under the rug by the earthly self is vibrated to the surface in a sense by this effect.  If you want to know this principle in action try harmonizing with someone else's voice and as you do so, bring your tone up the scale to meet their own. What happens as you do this?  What do you hear as you move from one tone to another slowly up the scale to their particular pitch? This is sound energy, but its energy just the same, and we can feel how something is disharmonious by the vibrations it produces.  It can give you an idea as to how the energies of kundalini can begin to work within you.  In this case instead of feeling just a vibration, you will have some feeling attached to the vibration as well.  If its negative, then this is something that will hopefully be resolved.  If its blissful, then you are aligning to whatever this particular pitch or energy is trying to do in your field, your being.

In an awakening, we don't always have to KNOW what this disharmony is all about (like how you feel an old hurt that was unresolved from a lifetime ago that has remained in your field all this time and its less than divine character sets up a difference in vibration, and when the Kundalini energy begins to move, you can FEEL this in a number of forms...you need not even KNOW that the disharmony comes from something buried since childhood or from your lifetime 600 years ago in Spain).

Ultimately kundalini fuels a deconstructing of our old ways of thinking and being.  This is because of how we have chosen to be in the world and these are merely habitual patterns that kundalini has to undo. I had images in my mind of a giant iron coming to iron out all my wrinkles.  The feeling of the wrinkles being ironed felt destructive to what I had always known.  This can feel very hard to deal with, as though some force is coming to change your life whether you like it or not!  Oh my.  It seems hard and scary at first, but through learning that this force has never and will never seek to bring anything that was not in your alignment spiritualy, you can actually learn to trust this energy, even partner with it.  In truth, when I feel ready for the next wave of work I whisper to kundalini like one might beckon the beloved and this energy obliges in spades.  I can even ask that it come on extra strong in order to work through what I sense is a particularly difficult area in me.  Most times, it obliges.  I can also shut it down, but this always creates a deep sense of tension and discomfort as though I am fighting the flow.....which of course I am. If you are left feeling like this experience is seeking to change your life, you are right, and the best strategy is to go forward with curiosity and love in your heart.  You will find, I think, that as you open up to this new world inside of you that it only reveals greater and greater levels of bliss.  Can't believe you could feel bliss stronger than you do now?  Just wait.  As you surrender, you will BECOME this bliss.  

While you may feel like you made no decision to bring on kundalini, some part of you did certainly, and a lot of consternation in the beginning is the result of more subconscious knowing coming to the surface in a way that seems as though this is simply thrust upon you.  In some way, deeper down, some part of you accepted this, sought it, and dreamed it into being. Once the energy begins to move in you, it can stat from the core of your spine or it can move like many describe as being like goosebumps, chills running all over your skin in what begins as a rather superficial way.  This was part of my own experience, and I found that when I had experiences that knocked the kundalini out of me (very emotional events that shut me down for a week at a time sometimes), this lighter energy that tingled would reinstate the deeper energy in me by way of this tingling sensation.  This happened enough that I was able to see the connection that it had with my body.

The linkage with kundalini is both spiritual and physical. When kundalini sets up shop, it is inducing the body to go through a change. It does this through the endocrine system for the most part.  This is a kind of partnership between the energetics of the soul and the physical as vessel for mirroring the nonphysical energies.  At some point in order to FEEL the intensities that the soul provides, the body has to have some means of processing this information in physical form.  So the body goes through a change as this happens, and this can be broad in range.  Some people may feel an increase in appetite, while people like me felt some nausea and discomfort in the beginning. The body begins to process a lot of fluids.  I found a noticeable increase in an ongoing output of seminal fluid even though I was not physically aroused sexually.  I found that my senses were heightened, and my sleeping patterns changed some. My dreams took on a greater intensity and I felt I understood them better than I did before.  I was filled with a growing and moving energy that filled me from top to bottom.

All of the shame and guilt and unprocessed junk in us that has built up on our earthwalk here becomes subject to the energetics of kundalini, and a huge pat of the experience is divesting ones self from this dross.  This is achieved through grace and surrender. 

Some signs of kundalini are:

tingling

involuntary twitching or jerking

a feeling of electricity or some energy moving through the body

Unusual body postures or a feeling like one needs to arch the head or back in response to the energy

Feelings of intense burning or heat moving through the body.  This can be a mild heat all the way to a feeling like one is running a fever but without the associated symptoms of ache.

Headaches and pulsations in the forehead

A feeling of the forehead being gripped or being put under pressure (this is third eye awakening)

Insomnia

Lower back pain, also bodily pain in response to the energy moving powerful

Depression as a result of not understanding what is happening

Inability to feel as though one can find rest in the midst of this relentless energy (surrender heals this)

A feeling of intense energy which can lead to a feeling of mania and inability to sleep

Hearing voices--these can be unintelligble murmurings that sound like they come from a distance

A feeling as though you are hearing the voice of a divine presence like God or Goddess.  You may also feel or see angelic type beings that interact with you.

An increased sense of empathy

An increased psychic ability (these vary depending on the person and seem to be the result of boosting each person's own native abilities)

An awareness of energies around you as well as other consciousnesses seen or not seen

Outbursts of crying or laughing

Experiences of extreme bliss (along with body postures--sometimes)

Dropping into mystical states or altered states of awareness

Seeing lights both dim and bright (these can come with a sudden awakening when the energy shoots out the top of the head for instance) some lights can signal the presence of others around you, while others are harder to discern. The phenomenon of lights in a gradual awakening are harder to pin down and may be the result of the nervous system adjusting to the energies.

A feeling of intoxication, being high on life

An increased production of both adrenaline which makes you feel anxious with an increase output of dopamine, which makes you feel at peace and calm.

Increased or decreased libido

These are just a few of the symptoms and along with this experience is the feeling of the body being filled with an energy moving through it that has an awareness.  This can cause some worry and paranoia in the beginning.  Ultimately the person learns to channel this energy through them in the process of integrating the experience and this can involve supreme ecstasies as the masculine or feminine pole of the personality matches an energy in the cosmos that is its opposite.  This experience creates a very magnetic effect and like attracts like.  This is why the monks experienced the energy as feminine; they were all men.  Quite naturally, then, they would see this experience from their perspective as men.  St. Theresa of Avilla, who most certainly was going through kundalini experienced the energy moving through her as masculine (and cast her experience in the roles of God the father and Jesus as her divine consort---she expressed how she wished for death so she could be reunited with her beloved).  Soul connections with people currently incarnate on earth can also become part of this experience as part of channeling a more balanced sense of energy in the self.  These also serve as catalysts for change since they operate on the principle of like attracting like.  Since they involve two people who have a connection with their own Essential Selves, the connection between them transcends time and space and feels extremely significant (as any experience with the Essential Self would naturally be because the Essential Self is itself a manifestation of divine love)

In the East there are practicioners that pass on the energy of Awakening to their students in a process called Shaktipat.  This is a touching of the student, it can also be through a look or even a thought.  Since this transcends time and space contact is not necessary.  There is another aspect of this which is called darshan, which sounds like a blessing bestowed through the eyes, however, this sounds just like shaktipat to me.  The one thing to be aware of is that when a teacher may confer this on a student his or her own karma becomes entangled in that of the student.  The teacher can suddenly experience all the same maladies that effected the student.  In the purest form, he bestowal of shaktipat could be an act of love.  On the other end it can be ego driven.  The way we choose to create will have within the creation a mirroring of the intent and energy that first created it.  If you move in ego, then ego will likely be a part of the process and ego will need to be moved away from the center of ones self in order to reach a better place internally.  I suspect that the best way is by each person awakening on their own.  Having said this the energy of others do play into this, can help us to understand, become more aware of things we were not aware of.  In the final analysis, though, kundalini needs to be a personal journey of reaching a better place in my opinion. Without that refinement, we are simply what we were before but supercharged with the energy.  As I have said in other posts, kundalini is not itself enlightenment, but the infrastructure that can make a more enlightened being possible.  What kind of vessel you become for this divine energy is your choice and creation. What do you wish to create in this world today?

The difference between an Awakening and mania or psychosis is that an Awakening does not involve beings telling you to kill yourself or to do disturbing things that are disruptive. It also means that you know that what you are going through is part of a process of change rather than simply being caught up in delusion.  Your experience, however, can seem perfectly delusional to those who have never gone through such an experience.  You may experience some amazingly unusual things with these beings, but they all will tend to make sense within the context of the experience with them.  Any being that does not have your best interest at heart is not one that should be allowed in your field. 

Ultimately, the process of integrating kundalini involves surrender.  We are taught that bad things are not good and we either push them away or develop some kind of guilt or self loathing over our personality not being able to "get around" whatever the loathing is about.  In the final analysis, this is being okay with paradox, with irony, with things not being perfect, and accepting the self in total and moving on.  When this happens, and it can happen piece by piece, these pieces feel as though they drop away, are transmuted, or changed in some way. These things then do not occupy our energy field and awareness in the same way.  Suddenly and sometimes dramatically, as these issues from our past are resolved in us, there is an instantaneous burst of free flowing energy.  For me this has involved being able to forgive myself, others, and to let things go.  By doing this, I was able to feel increasingly freer within myself.  I reached a place where there was no pain in the energy body, no hard energy, no tightness in the energy or knots that needed to be dissolved. When we are resolved, we become more easy within ourselves and this results in our becoming better channels for this energy to flow through us. This posture, though, has to remain constant, and it is the energy which helps, I think, to train our physical and nonphysical sides of our being to find that perfect balance which seems to be a hallmark of ascension.  We can fall backwards into things or old ways of thinking or feeling that were habitual.  Old habits can die hard sometimes, but in the end when we can reach a place of clear resolution, we are free forever from whatever the old issue was. This experience though involves self love and compassion.  If we do not have that, we will simply not have the means to move forward within.  The problem many people seem to have is how different this love and compassion is.  Many are not used to how completely unconditional this energy bids us to be is.  We can in our ego chose not to accept its flow in us, but we also wind up restricting it, which has its own painful consequences in the midst of an awakening.  Don't try to manage the flow of the universe.  Learn perhaps to manage yourself in relation to It, but you are up against a billion pound gorrilla. It will spank you every time if you try to go up against it.  But don't confuse this "spanking" with punishment.  Its not. Its just the the flow of this is greater than your egoic self. By letting go you surrender to the discovery of what you are deep down. In a sense this is a bit like being a tree who never knew it had roots. Discovering your roots is what this awakening is about. And then from there, who knows?

Our world has been built on sin and retribution through divine discipline.  We have a lot of hangups about all of this.  In the end, its about loving forgiveness.  This is the ONLY way forward that I can tell. By being punishing and hard, we really do not resolve anything. As long as we feel like another person SHOULD be punished, the only things that we accomplish is staying in that old hard energy.  As this energy moves through us we have the opportunity to come to the realization that the way forward is forward, which is to say that keeping ourselves locked into the old postures of tit for tat or a desire to punish or get even or to loath the self for some unknown or forgotten wrong done wont get us very far at all.  Our lineage spanning into the future lies with unconditional love and staying in grace.
In the end, listening to yourself is the best policy.  Your own self will lead you to those resources that you need, and life will take on a significant character as you find your higher self bringing to you those resources that you need just as you need them.

Finally, I will leave you with a story, a rather old one, but one that I think is reliable.  The well known mathematician Pythagoras sought entry into the Mystery Schools of Egypt.  Over and over he was rebuffed.  Here was the greatest mind of his day seeking entry into a school that would not have him!  Finally he asked them what he needed to do to be a part of their school, and what they said was very illuminating.  They said "We aren't interested in knowledge; we are interested in experience."  They went on to explain that only after he had fasted for nearly a month, had done special breathing all while focusing on his third eye center, would he have hopes of attaining what was a prerequisite for entry into their institution. Pythagoras went away and began to practice fasting, breathing, and focus on his third eye center.  Something happened to him because when he went back to the school, he said that the man he was no longer existed, that a new man stood before them, utterly changed from what he was previously.   It was then that he was admitted to their very secretive world of advanced spiritual study.

What I will say in all of this is that I think that there indeed exists a pathway to awakening the body so that it becomes the ressurrection, the life, as originally described in the gospels that were not included in our bible (anyone wish to guess why?).  For the gnostic gospels, the ressurrection did not happen at death, but was something that should happen before we die, in order to know the kingdom on this earth.  Before this happened, it was explained, a person was as if dead, and after the ressurrection, was suddenly alive in a way they had not been before. And what more could the holy ghost be than the feminine principle of the the Creator?  If you look more deeply into these things, I think you will find a hidden doctrine that many sought to keep from public view for whatever reason (perhaps because simply because it empowered people beyond what a church might want that would seek to control and grow power).  Irregardless of our past, we have had this trigger within us waiting, and now it seems that all of this is on an upswing and growing day by day.  By seeing it for the blessing that it can be, we choose to see it in its positive pole instead of through fear or ignorance.

In the end, the single most important thing to know in all of this is love, for love will confer grace and love will confer surrender.   Love thyself!

Nemaste