Heart

When you can let the universal source energy pour through you in greater degrees you feel your light body go through a transformation.  This act is the truest act of your being, for it brings you closer to what you are.  This lighting up is what you are…..no guru, no teacher, no postures or old texts to read.  All the things you were looking for cease as you now enter into the life. 

This process is not necessarily an easy one, but what it will insist on is that you slough off old clothes.  You become simpler, more naked in yourself.  Everything you thought you knew, out it goes.  You become like a child.  Simple.  And good lord, its refreshing.  When you have begun to divest of what I called “the inventory” in the first days of what kundalini was showing me what it was inside of me to do (it showed me an image of a large warehouse….my job was to go through all that stuff….bless it and let it go….and clear all the space for something else to enter it, it said). At a certain point I found I was feeling my heart center vibrating different ways whenever I heard people speak or when I would read something.  I found that while I could not FEEL everything around me by vibrating in sympathy with it always (I was dealing with a lot of that “inventory” in those days so…) I found that I could listen to my heart, quite literally and be able to determine if something was on the mark or not. 

When you get clear, you do not have to depend on what you think you know. You can use the line to the divine to tell you. This is tricky for some because we know that what some people call divine some call demonic.  Its so subjective, right?  And for a time, this is so. Everything is upside down, right?  Everyone has their opinion.  But that which is in alignment is in alignment because the divine is not complicated. Its simple like dew on the grass.  That kind of simplicity.  And within that simplicity there is infinite multiplicity, you know what I mean? The implications are huge…..and yet the huge is all built on some very simple things….and they are all aligned. So if an idea is off, you can feel it.  Its just not in alignment with nature, with the divine.  The interesting part is searching through it to find what it is that is off.  It always goes back to the person expressing whatever the idea is in the first place. 

Its almost like……you are watching a movie and somewhere in the movie they change the light bulb used to project the images….and you can FEEL how the light is different….something is off about it…..and you feel this in a very apparent way. Just FEEL. Its a little like that.  As long as we have the old material, though, the easier it is to get caught up in ideas and beliefs that are themselves limited or distorted.  So you go and turn to papa and mamma light, and you bid them shine through you….and it just shines on everything and as it does you get into it….like some kind of cosmic x-ray.  Your heart can feel this, I think, the most clearly.  Its not a thinking…..it is a simple and direct feeling. If it tenses up, then something isn’t quite right….or if it feels heavy, that is another thing entirely.  When it feels clear and bright….then its right.  

The task is to continue to refine because there could still be things clouding vision of the light body, true.  So how do we know we aren’t feeling something through a glass darkly? You don’t always know.  Its true.  But in an innevitable sort of way, it will keep at you if something is off, most often.  Eventually, at least for me, it has led to sloughing off that old material.  It is true that I was blind.  It was absolutely crazy…..I can remember crying these tears over how deluded I was in my life after getting further down that road and looking back.  It sometimes feels and seems like a chicken/egg proposal….but that musn’t stop you because with each layer that drops away, it feels like a revelation, which it is, with still more revelations waiting beneath the next layer.  So for a time, its as though you are drive by what is in front of you.  The layers on the pond of perception clarify more and more, and you see more, yet there is still more to do.  Its a process, and in the quiet of the night you too might realize that this isn’t just your life that you are clearing, its lifetimes of accumulated material.  There is no rush, no race is ensuing, no 2012 to scare you into some action, or a cosmic bus that will leave, never to find you.  All that talk is the same deluded thinking that has driven people to believe in heaven and hell.  When you touch upon the fineness that is this energy in all things, you know it is complete compassion and understanding.  This is in a sense a bit of an illusion in that there is no one endpoint, but an infinity of points that we are all exploring and finding ourselves looking out through for something grander, and also something simpler than could first be imagined. So for the time being, you just keep moving forward best you can, and maybe look back long enough to know you have done so much and pat yourself on the back. Its ok to do this.  You are human learning what there is to learn and unlearn here.

 So as for your truth, it is there.  There is a path to it and through the brambles of your life.  Right inside of you.  And the path is love.  Its the finest kind of love. How do I even tell you?  It aint angels and harps, unless its absolutely necessary that it all be dressed up that way…..its perfect though….so refined….a real inspiration. I sometimes think if I just sit quietly enough it will just move through all of me as I let go and ask it to do its work in me. 

No judgement.  No harsh words.  No deities.  A highly refined consciousness near me, in me, around me.  How do I live up to it?  Placing my hand on your heart, this pulse moves perfectly, and yet, who can take it?  Who can reach up within and touch it?  It paints us panoramic.  Gosh its so simple.  Even a look would do it. 

A man goes to see Ramana Maharshi because a monk comes to him who says he should go see him, he is the man he should go see. So he does.  But when he goes, he sees that the monk IS Ramana Maharshi.  He is unimpressed what this guy says to him, which is that you cannot find god outside of yourself. You have to look within.  ALL of the gurus were all saying the same thing.  He wanted something authentic, maybe something more…..and besides, he felt tricked by this man who told him to come visit him.  Except as he left, his followers explain that when Ramana showed up at his door, he was in truth meditating in the caves nearby.  He had not left the town.  Interested, he stayed to talk to him more.  

Ramana stood there looking at the man.  He didn’t say a word.  He stared intently at him.  As he did, the man felt what he described as a bud emerging from within him….through ALL of him this emerged and began to bloom.  He opened just like that. In that one simple moment, he had been reminded of what he called his “primal nature” by a simple glance.  

When you know how all of this transcends time and space you may begin to realize that hidden in my words, in the now-dead words of ancient teachers is an essence that is timeless.  I suppose its one reason why some gurus get to be worshipped.  They have found it….and can remind you if they are good enough.  Like Maharshi, it can be transmitted, like a reminder, to you.  But as one who was awakened said to  Krishnamurti when he asked if he had this thing, this awakening of the primal self, he says “Yes I have it, but he question is can you TAKE it!”  

Go turn over the stones in the creek.  Look at the minnows and crayfish scatter.  See the mica in the rocks glisten like gold. Feel the life all around….cat tails and flower bursting out all over you.  Dragon flies buzzing around.  Here, the life is.  Its all around you.  Settle into that and discover the lost portal into childhood.  Here, you will be closer to it than ever.  Hidden somewhere are the eyes of Ramana, of a thousand others who know you and wait for you.  And in that moment, the heart will know its deep truth.

The Challenge

You know what the challenge is in awakening?

Its the want.

It changes completely.

When you feel bliss in your body 24/7, you can lay on cold concrete in an empty burned out building and still smile. The need to seek for riches becomes a very different kind of search.  Everything that you sought, you realize was chasing a desire about losing your life, losing love, losing riches.  And when it all comes crashing down, sleeping on cold concrete just doesn't make a lot of difference as sleeping in a warm bed.  The concrete helps with a bad back, you see....

The desire to achieve is now moved through very different channels. After such a deep cosmic kiss as this, being ordinary is just not an option.  But being quiet and small, not a problem.  Your become the silence that roars.  Those who will hear you will hear you, but as for making an impression....it just not so important.  its less that you have no desire....its that all desire seems directed in a different way.

So the simple things I want are to serve Goddess, to listen to a small clean stream with fish and salamanders at night and fruit bushes somewhere nearby.  Everything else seems to come as bidden.

Thats the challenge.  Looking like your normal when you aren't. 

There Is Nothing To Do

That is what they say; there is noting to do when enlightenment comes.  No searching, no doing.  Just being.  

But do you now that the reality is that most people I have known who have had these awakenings (they are happening in large numbers now so I know a cart full of them by now….no, not a cart, more lie a small wagonload….the kind they used to haul settlers across the prairie before getting shot with arrows by angry Indians whose treaties were being trampled on….)….most of those people ALL were seekers.  All of us, we felt like there was something MORE. 

And I think this is a very human feeling. 

And how on earth is anyone supposed to know what this thing is?  I mean, really?  How can anyone be prepared for it?  I suppose you could be….but we do not yet fully understand what drives the awakenings.  It certainly isn’t stuff like kundalini yoga or meditation.  Its more like this yearning turns in the self, like the days that turn around an apple until one day, that apple ripens.  And no one apple on that tree ripens at the same time.  But they all do, eventually.  Some ripen young, some old. It just depends.  And its incalculable.  Mysterious.  When will you be ripe for this? It will be like an apple.  When it happens, someone will turn and point “There, when the wind blew like that she dropped from that tree!”  And yet, we will still not understand the structure that lays beneath that which determines such things.  Its so beautiful, though, that the subject of how to determine it seems unimportant.  The vibration is changing, folks.  There is a lot to do.  A world to recreate.  Anyone notice there is plenty fucked that needs to be unfucked in this world?  Yes, its pretty obvious, I think. 

I will tell you that its 100% guaranteed that you will be a seeker of some kind.  I think it has to do with a deeper awareness that there is something more….and while we ALL feel this way….there is something about coming to be ripe…So seeking is an important part….its like you are reminding yourself of what it is that gets your wheels moving. Someone will look at Sacred Geometry and will see some hidden meaning…..some curious strains of the inner awareness of the universe expressing itself…..or someone else might find something in coincidence, accidents and synchronicity.  Here, she hears the angels singing softly.  And another will find holding stones offer up a great ineffable mystery that simply cannot be put to words.  For someone else, its the sign of the cross….the triad….and how this figures in the energy of awakening. All these things triggering some deeper thing…..and we go after it only to find it was just the tail of the tiger…..but by golly, it was the tail of the tiger!

So go and seek.  Feel deep into yourself what the source is of that itch, that need, that yearning.  Part of it might be to want to know the ultimate source of all life…..another part might be caught up in some aspect of it…..which literally means this could be ANYTHING.  Poetry.  Fixing cars.  Weaving cane baskets.  Studying salamanders under rocks.  Making love.  Burning books.  Cutting your hair.  Breathing.  Its all part of the source of all life, and if done passionately enough, I suppose, it could gather enough energy to pierce the veil.  All of it. In it is all of that and more….like a distilled essence of an amazingly fabulous thing….a being yes…..but Jeez….how can you explain it? It is what it is.  No bearded guys or Human forms have come from it for me thus far. I say I want to be like it…..and it says “Oh, devotee…..I see…..” and so it says nothing and knows I am just going to keep my eyes on it and that is all.  My capacity to channel it each day increases as my realization grows and the old stuff falls away. 

I am intentionally NOT like the sagacious gurus and yoginis.  Just trying to explode that expectation.  But the storm that you are, the xplosions of your inspiration are also me and thus are born out of the All.  There is not accepted way to be, no suit of clothes you put on, or posture you take on.  it blooms in you and you can be a tobaccoo chewing and whiskey drinking guy who lives in the back hills of Tennessee just as likely as this could happen to some wholesale buyer for an importer in New Jersey who is from Indonesia.  So forget the stereotypes.  There are none.  

In that one soul splitting moment when everything is changed, you remember who you are.  Its like….so subtle…..a settling of frost on the tips of the peach trees, a mist in the air….it comes so quiet and it is cracking the sky and while you don’t know it, it comes as a friend to completely undo you.  For a time, its hell.  HELL. Everything you thought you knew, undone. There, lying in your life, it has undone every single lace and catch that you had tried to latch your life to in order to give it consistency and meaning. It offers a new type of clothing to you.  In the dark night as you seek to gain entry into its bliss-filled halls it whispers to you that the cloak you must wear is called nakedness.  

There is plenty to do. Plenty to feel. Feel deeply and be ready.  If you want to prepare, a practice might work.  I have none. I make it up as I go.  No teacher, no guru. Just a burning force in the center of me that is this thing.  Plenty to do, to redo, remake.  And only then, once the storm has passed and you have let go, is there nothing left to do.  Just to be.  Controlling breath can help ease things a lot while the storm is moving over and through, though. 

But whether you eat a lousy NYC hotdog or prepare kale drizzled with organic honey and walnuts, its going to course through you just the same.  And somehow you will find yourself trying to find yourself in its midst as the gurus words echo in your head that there is nothing to….

Nemasté

Finding It

ne of the most difficult things in doing the healing work that a Kundalini awakening demands is being able to find a “new” path to a way of being that you may not have had…..for lifetimes.  Its an opportunity to do things differently for a change.  A change. 

This is what I think of as the broken road….we lose a parent when young and never get the natural nurture we so seem to need.  Or we have an early childhood experience or environment that is somehow lacking.  To compound this, most of the more troubling issues in everyone’s lives are most often the very things that repeat from one life to another.  For me, it has meant connection to the Goddess.  That is what it ultimately has to do with deeper down, but it has manifested in other lives as being an orphan, or losing a mother in childbirth, or simply having an emotionally unavailable mother for whatever reason. We grow sticky with this karma and we attract and are attracted to those things that are not fully resolved.  And you will never be more painfully aware of these issues than when kundalini churns the depths and makes what was shoved down and out of the way rise into conscious awareness where they can’t be ignored. 

So how do we, orphans to a broken past, find the great unbroken road of the divine?

I have found a method that I suspect all wise people use when doing impossible work. The current of the divine is in each of us.  Its in each atom, every tiny little bit to the biggest bits. Threaded through the entirety of reality is this common thread….like beads held onto a necklace, we all are.  When we wake up to the presence of it, it begins to move and do its work. We are used to looking for either goddess or god outside of ourselves.  Most often, this means parents, then later our lovers, spouses and friends. But these people, all part of the broken road, wind up reflecting the same stuff as has been all along in our lives.  The Law of Attraction sees to that.  We create our reality as we go through our feelings and beliefs and then get upset at life for the seeming injustices.  It really is in all of us, and I suppose this is the only illusion I can think of that makes us believe the world is different than it is.  As you heal and change, so does the world.  the character of events, the people, and opportunities change.  I think we tend to change slowly, over years, so that we most often do not notice change.  Its a gentle and gradual progression. But when change comes fast, turbocharged through the power of an awakening, its easier I think to observe the change as it happens.  Over and over…..I will give you a material example from not so long ago…..

I had a land deal going once where I had an offer from someone that was ridiculous for how low it was.  it was easily $250,000.00 below anything approaching market value.  And you might think it was just a mistake.  It wasn’t. In the week that followed, this and other things caused me to examine why the world thought it could treat me with such lack of reverence or consideration.  It was in me.  I was attracting it.  I had to heal that glitch in me.  And sure enough, in a moment, I was shown the origin of this feeling I had carried.  it went all the way back to the 1400’s Europe. It resulted in my feeling that I was not worthy.  And so, quite obviously, if I felt that way, I would attract others who would embody that.  Moths to a particularly colored flame.  Soul searching, I asked what I had to do.  Then the release came, a moment of grace so mysterious to me, but so freeing.  The following day I received a new offer on this property that was more in line with what was fair.  I also had an issue with someone I worked with who treated me like I was less than equal.  Normally he sought to shut me down and would disregard anything that I brought to our exchanges.  After that, his actions softened noticeably.  What was also different was that I stood up for myself more.  It all served to change events in my life.  And this same principle will work in every life. 

So absent good role models….if we learn to look within, there is a world within you, a virtual universe of archetypes that all embody the broad energies of the universe.  SO name it; Shakti, Shiva, Romeo, Juliet, Quetzalcoatle, Pan, Goddess; they are all there.  Within you, within the current of the yin and yang, there is your compliment.  Two years ago I was quite surprised by the emergence of a feminine presence in my awareness.  She arose out of my nearly silent interior that is the feminine current of the kundalini force. She was the sum total of all the traits I have carried in all lives that was feminine.  And she began speaking to me.  Thing was, instead of this encounter being odd or strange, it was actually the most exquisite thing. This part of me had been buried….perhaps because I am a guy and have some issues with a woman running around inside of me.  But on that day when she spoke, all issues concerning my masculine identity in relationship to this feminine force evaporated.  Further, she served to complete the circle of my consciousness.  Everything that made me intuitive, creative, and sensitive was hers.  It wasn’t that any of these traits were divided out like how the sheep and goats are divided.  My being feels delicately interwoven like a continuous tapestry all made of pieces but existing and experienced as ONE piece.  

It wasn’t that this experience resulted in some kind of spiritualized narcissism.  This presence was  part of many lifetimes as we are ourselves carriers of the sums of our beings within each projection or lifetime.  Hard to imagine that this is true, and yet the experience with nonduality will reveal this limitlessness that is in each of us. We just filter it all out.  it has a tendency to come forward when those filters start to soften and shift.  

By reaching within, these parts of ourselves can link us to resources that can help to model new behavior. It has changed me from a defensive and withdrawn person to someone who flows with an easy sensuality and confidence. I have my days, and I am not pretending some kind of lofty perch.  In fact, I think its our insistence on people being perfect who are involved in spiritual work that is a real pitfall.  We are all human, and we need to move through life not hoping for an outcome but keeping our eyes open to what is.  Me, I simply didn’t experience these forces in me the way I did once the awakening got underway.  Some part of me got unglued from the middle part of the radio dial and got shifted into something else.  Maybe a multiband broadcast. Perhaps it was the flow of the two currents that made it more obvious….but I do know that in terms of my overall essence, nothing changed substantively.  The windows were opened, the drapes drawn back, the cobwebs swept away.  Oh, and a river ran through it. 

it is curious, though, that I found a nearly identical explanation of what happens to me when I use imagination with the awakening juice from an early christian saint whose written accounts were a dead ringer for awakening.  She even described the seven chakras as seven crystaline rooms within the self….which all got cleansed by the divine energy.  In awakening, there is so much energy, you can begin to use your imagination and intuition together in a way that will lead you to larger truths….the imagination begins to take on a character that feels as though its like a dream almost….its now being propelled by the force of the energy now and goes in certain directions over others.  Through this interesting almost waking dream work, you can watch as things unfold and knowing comes. Voices come in the night……and before you might think you were going crazy, but now the voices offer insights you might have missed. Or, in my case, offered an essence that served to heal that rift inside that was lifetimes in the making. 

This is what Krishnamurti described as “when the saints go marching OUT” which is the release of lifetimes of stuff…..Krishnamurti felt how his ancient past was emptied of all the junk so that there was a quieter and less cluttered self could exist within.  Clearing the decks, we go back to the beginning, like the first Adam and Eve.  A path back to something better and it is in us.  

After that, what we attract or mirror changes…..What would you do if you mirrored a Paradise found?  Welcome to the world of finding it.

Its telling.
That I would find the truth in hidden scrolls from early Christianity that had been deemed heretical that described or explained how one awakens.

Its curious how the work of someone could get so tangled or mangled.  How did it all get turned into harps and clouds and some dude with a book sitting up front of some pearly gates?

So if you want to know the truth, always look in the back alleys, from the mouths of the heretics, the unseemly and the sinners, for Lord knows you wont be getting it from those who say they are in the know.

I am much happier with some Ju-ju Momma from Louisiana, shaking her rattle and giving me the evil eye.
"Oh come on now, Momma, you know that voodoo stuff don't do nothing for me...." I'd say.  She'd scrunch her face up even more, smiling and busting out laughing as she tried to keep up the look.  We'd roll on the floor and pick up an ant and proclaim there was more divine in that creature than all the Popes of yesteryear.

And I think it would be true.

So If we think we are going to get true enlightenment from the church or the authorities, you have to think again. In those documents Jesus says that the priests of the temple kept the keys to knowing away from everybody including themselves.  Now that's a pretty good way to explain.  But those books never saw the light of day.  Well, they did, about two thousand years later.

It all sounds good, right?  But when you wake up for sure, child, you see how everything that aint truth, it just melts before your gaze.  that doesn't make you high and mighty.  It makes you one of the "righteous" but look how they tried to demonize those cats before they realized they could co-opt them.  Before that happened, they were the righteous.  That meant they knew.  They listened to God the father and the Mother before they made her into a Ghost. Righteous....

Yes, I 'd rather be a heretic than Holy any time of the day.  And now, with this big badge on my heart, I guess its official. 

11th Century Prophecy

This is what I mean about the coming of the divine feminine......

The Knight John of Jerusalem

The Book of Prophecies from the 11th Century

“When the millennium that comes after this millennium ends, men will have finally opened their eyes. They will no longer be imprisoned in their head and in their cities, but will be able to see from one end of the earth to another and understand each other. They will know that what makes one suffer hurts another. Men will form one huge body of which each one will be a tiny part. Together they will form the heart of this body. There will be a common language spoken by everybody and thus, finally, a glorious humanity will come into existence... because Woman will arrive to reign supreme. She will be a great master of the future time. She will be the Mother of the Millennium that comes after the Millennium.. After the days of the devil She will make the softness of the Mother flow. She will , after the days of barbarity, embody beauty. The millennium that follows the millennium will metamorphose in an age of lightness: men will love each other, share everything, they will dream and their dreams will turn into reality.
Thus man will have his second birth. Spirit will possess the mass of men who will be united in brotherhood. So an end will be proclaimed to barbarity. It will be the era of a new strength of belief. The dark days at the beginning of the millennium that follows the millennium will be followed by days of jubilation: man will once more find the righteous path of humanity and Earth will find harmony once more.
There will be roads that connect one end of the earth and the sky to the other; the woods will once more be dense, the desert will once more be irrigated and the water will once again be pure. The earth will be like a garden: man will take care of every living thing and he will clean everything he has dirtied. He will understand that the whole of Earth is his home and he will think with wisdom of the morrow. Man will know everything on earth and his own body.
Diseases will be cured before they are manifested and everybody will cure themseleves and each other. Man will have understood that he has to help himself to stay upright; and after the days of reticence and avarice, man will open his heart and his purse to the poor; he will define himself curator of the human species and so, finally a new era will begin. When man has learnt to give and share, the bitter days of solitude will be at an end. He will once more believe in the spirit, and the barbarians will be unheard of.
But all this will happen after the wars and the fires, all this will arise from the ashes of the burnt towers of Babel.”

Energetic Thresholds

Its all energy….even the physical is a type of energy.  Entrained atoms moving at light speed, spinning in place giving the appearance of solidity.  If you knew how your consciousness is holding all of this together, you would be amazed.  And we do all of this without thinking about it.  We are consciousness coming to the realization that we are conscious. 

Within all energy work, there are thresholds  These thresholds, which I am not sure I have ever read about before, surely exist.  I have observed this over the many years.  The thresholds exist because we have filters in place.  There is something out there that is without thresholds, only perceptions of limit or location or being…..”I am not infinite so I can’t experience myself in my infinite scope” and thus, that “threshold” is created which you will need to overcome later.  But when it does happen, it will FEEL like a threshold has been reached.  Surpassed.  Broken through.  Its conceptual.  But this is what we do.  Otherwise, life would just be an ocean and none of it would make sense to you most likely.  You would need a nervous system that would allow you to process EVERYTHING. You are what you are for a reason.  That is itself a conceptualization.  A threshold. 

As you begin to bring larger amounts of energy into your system, you will find interesting things happening.  Abilities will surface.  Dreams might change.  Your consciousness might be different.  You might have some focus you had not had before. Your energy might become unzipped and flow up through you, liberated from its cage.  Your system is lit up in stages based, sometimes, on what you thought was possible.  Forget that these are belief based because in most cases, the belief will not feel malliable to you, but will seem like gravity.  To wash it away will often mean getting into the root of some unconscious material.  The energy will bring awareness to you.  In a moment something will happen and you suddenly see someone sitting there who was not there a moment before.  You see this person clearly, and yet you know you are not seeing them with your eyes.  The surface of your awareness, your own energy has become very…..shiny…..active…..aware…..and you begin plucking things from the environment from around you.  Third eye opens or is more active.  You see inwardly the nonphysical reality around you….the subtle field.  And you can suddenly do so with startling clarity.  You always could….you crossed a conceptual barrier as the energy brought you greater awareness.  What you thought was not possible moments before can and will take place. 

Forget methods or means or dogmas or authorities.  Learn direct from the energy.  To do this means being able to learn from yourself….the beliefs that bias your perception, your mind and feeling…..and this is not easy but is entirely possible to do.  It is the core of all inner work.  You begin to self illumine. The more you set aside what you think you know, the more you will know…..which is that all forms are often built on shadows in the world.  Name something, and I will show you how it is shadow of a larger reality.  As such, they point to something, some times they point well, some they don’t.  You can know if you ask to know.  Understanding will come in stages, thresholds as you need and as you are ready.  

As what you did previously to give shape to the experience is worn away and you are ready to feel into the Source, there will come a deepening enriching, a mellowing, a process that continues in a way that is more like a partnership with a great mystery that does most of the work….you participate……and while you feel the grandest love, the deepest bliss…..it continues to work on you….changing you bit by bit.  Its a high height to which we ascend and to which we can fall without the arms of the divine to support.  Without it, we turn ordinary.  

If a belief is strong, the energy will need to build to a much higher pitch to begin to overcome it.  Some would say that you cannot overcome a belief that you do not want to let go of. There is a part of you that knows the truth….so if the belief that you hold does not really do a great job of hauling the water, it will show when the energy moves higher.  It lights you up. You can choose to hang on harder, but this will require a lot of energy and strain…..as the force of maintaining the belief will be matched by the energy flowing through.  You have to become VERY deluded in order to keep believing that the Emperor actually has clothes on….. When it is strong enough, even you will see through its bright beam.  And you can shut it down if it gets too much.  That is what most people do.  I spent the weekend talking about this to my daughter, explaining the kind of forces at work in relationships, and why people do what they do.  Most of it is about fear.  

Realize, none of this is with form.  Everything you know is informed by the physical.  Even your own inner sensing which is entirely nonphysical, will be shaped by your own expectations and beliefs.  While it is a hook to hang your hat on, as you move deeper into this thing, form falls away as a different kind of form emerges.  It is a light without light.  It is a shape without shape. It can be a little slippery for you, especially when ego wants something to sink its teeth into.  EVentually, you will sink into this mellow wonder and out of this a life will form.  

I can give you a great example of how this all happens.  In tantra and kundalini, there is this tendency to want to call the kundalini Shakti.  This is how things have been seen for thousands of years.  If all these gurus and yogis saw it this way, its got to be right, right?  Second, in tantra, there is this mention of the inner woman; she is called “the wine.”  Now as  a man, I know what this is.  I know why it would be called this.  However, both of these conceptualizations result in putting into your mind how things will be.  

All of what I have just mentioned to you is from a male perspective.  If you don’t think this little point is of little consequence, look at what paternalism has done to our world.  I am not saying male is bad.  I am saying things have not been balanced. The amount of women in yoga and who have been in ashrams before this past century have been tiny compared to their male counterparts.  So, quite naturally, its all from a male perspective in the mean.  The books your read, the teachings you garner from teachers will have the stamp of the masculine, and most often people don’t even realize it.  You just need to know how to adjust it to your needs, or better; feel it directly.  How you are oriented sexually WILL determine HOW you experience the deity.  The wine is either woman OR man.  A man will experience it as woman.  The woman will experience it as the man.  And when it comes to other orientations, it will be thusly be different depending on your perspective.  The orientation is itself an image from physical to conform to a deeper spiritual reality.  Two cosmic poles….extremes of all that exists….and everything in between.  That is why the old teachings can build into your mind a preconception of what it is you will experience.  

Men sitting in ashrams will be visited by goddesses when kundalini awakens.  When kundalini awakened in me, it was the feminine that I felt.  It was the answer to some deeper awareness of how I tapped the universal energy.  For women, there will be a wonder about the deity as male.  These are vehicles for carrying your bliss.  So whether the form of woman or man does it, what does it does it. We put importance on some bearded guy in the clouds…..and yet…..in truth…..it is a joke.  It is a joke because that image is like a grain of sand on a beach that is bounded by a vast sea.  Each grain is a conception about the universe and how it works.  it is less that God-dess has a form but that ALL is reflected in it, moves through it…..and yet somehow it is more than all of that.  it may appear to you in certain forms because this place is a creation.  And YOU are sitting here causing atoms all spinning at the speed of light to coalesce into something that seems like zillions of particles that give your body form.  Its all being supported, created, every minute. Second.  Nano second. 

There is a bud in you.  A flower, that will open up and it will surprise you with how it can open.  What you feel in that bud is the bud of what you will feel later…..kundalini is with you every second.  The path of tantra will become yours in such an awakening because the bud of you is about bliss.  When you realize that the universe was built on supreme pleasure and all those prohibitive beliefs you had about yourself and others need now to go by the wayside. No; I am not suggesting that you will become some sex fiend.  You wont.  In fact, there is a far greater tendency to bring all of this energy upwards to sublimate it, which means to bring all of your frailties upwards where they are transformed.  the force of this is so strong that it is a misery to experience it only through the sexual channel.  it has to be spread out through your entire being.  It has to expand within.  And it will.  As the bud of you opens, your primal being will emerge.  It wont be some mad slut.  It will see how the behaviors of the past served to cripple us and make use use the word “slut” in the first place.  There is perhaps nothing more demeaning than a word like that.  And it misses the point, too. As a bud, it is wonder.  It is everything that we think about, this bud in us.  It defines who we are attracted to, who we marry, the children we have, the kind of life we have.  When the bud begins to open, it goes from wonder to miracle  Anything that served to hold the bud closed is pushed away, threshold by threshold.  Shell by shell, the outer layers fall away as the bud opens all through you.  And yes, sexual energy moves all through you, but this is creative energy, the baseline energy and its energy is felt differently in each energy center, a room capavle of sensing a different wavelength of the energy coming in.  At the base…..its very primal…..and it grows upward from there.  No one center is better than another.  Each center, opened by the energy will have material that will have to fall away….negative beliefs…..feelings….old hurts and traumas.  You will not be able to embrace tantra fully until you take care of your parent work…..men who have not resolved their relationship to their mothers, for example, will have problems with other women and ultimately with the goddess in the universe.  To feel this deeply, you must clear the way.  And the same goes for women.  If you have father issues, it will limit your access to the masculine side of the deity….of the source of all life. A lot of these things manifest as issues with authority.  Until you get it healed in the micro it will effect the macroscale. Each scale can help the other, though, in healing the other.  Thresholds.

As you let go of form and rely on feeling, your need to flow some sort of rule will go out the window.  You wlll begin orienting yourself based on feeling…..and this will actually begin to focus you in the material. Weird events will happen.  I was needing a desk for my daughter….I thought how I wanted to find one that was at the same level as her bed.  I began looking for this…but did not find anything that I liked. She came and I explained how I had been looking but hadn’t found anything just yet.  As we turned out of the driveway we spied a desk whose color matched the flooring in her room perfectly.  it had been set near the dumpster.  All natural wood.  A few scratches, but perfectly sandable….built back when they used solid wood.  Nice. Heavy….but nice. We later found it fit the space perfectly and was at the exact same height as her bed so she could have computer and t.v. near as she worked on her bed, or at a desk with a perfect little nook on the other side for reading books and drawing. She is beginning to see how these things have a way of coming along in perfect timing.  

People show up, books come.  Someone will mention a resource you are looking for just the day before but who did not know you are looking for it.  Every day it is like this.  The medicine man Rolling Thunder who did work with herbs was often seen gathering a plant he needed at a time when it would not otherwise be found.  People tell how they would go out with him in the snow to find a flowering plant that he needed the flower for in order to do his herbal work that could not be found in the middle of winter.  These are impossibilities, and yet, the world will align to your needs when you have cleared the way for this to happen. As you allow the thresholds of conception to shift so will your experience.  Within the heart of all of this is pure powerful energy.  

And al through this, you are aligning, changing, healing, fixing, forgetting, remembering.  Its a big work because we are undoing thousands of years of silly thinking.  Control. Goddess, the feminine, is coming back.  In each man, she fills him and softens him.  Makes him consider that instead of holding on to power that what is best is that he share it....not even like a king, for a king demands allegiance.  In this world, we are all born of royal lineage  Every single one of us.  This is a toppling of those sacred towers built to control and false concepts that no longer serve us.  Time to rewind it all and find ourselves back in the Garden.  And in that moment, I shall be a witness to that precise moment when we peeled ourselves away from the divine and we will each choose a different path, a new beginning.  This is the Alpha and this is the Omega.  It starts here and it also ends here.  We do this in the now, but we also do it as though we become time travelers.  All of these ancient thresholds will be utterly erased, taken from our collective soul so that all that exists is a deep blue and gold being that is not made up of parts of aspects but will be one continuous and healed being.  No more shame, no more separation. All of those thresholds will have been removed as we realize that this place is what we have collective made it.  And now, in this little place, we are taking back that ancient power inside of us.....the old demonized goddess, the witch and wizard.  All of the efforts to expunge from the record will be like a giant erasure as we wake up to how all knowledge can be reclaimed.  We are doing this now, and the flames will grow as it spreads through the world just as Jesus described them.  

Every ending has the beginning in it.  If you wish to know the end, look to the beginning.  Even as you were born, it felt like a death to all that you knew, so folded up neatly in your mother's womb.  And even globally we are getting ready to emerge from a still larger womb, a still larger threshold....

What will you choose to create?

The Gift

As the sky of me cracked open
it let in a light
distant
hard to know
or see
or feel
its spreading warmth
its rays caressing the petals of my awareness
a secret revealed.

Others have sought to suggest or say
as if they know
and I say to you;
the universe is there surely
but each patch of universe
living in all the people of the world
will be lived differently.
This is the gift of individuality
that wraps up its divinity.

So never feel bad for listening to your inner voice
your promptings
for to not do so
is to ignore
the divine within.
Without that
you will be
just another sleeper
stumbling down the path
hoping for the promised ray of light.

Both

The big challenge to just about everybody is this whole I am one with the universe and I am also individual.  Monks will sink into everything-ness, losing all sense of ego while others will know themselves as individual and will go that route. But its not one or the other.  Your individuality is not an illusion.  Nor is your ego. All the monks and gurus who speak of ego death are not being honest.  Ego does not go away.  The self is reformed.  You remain individual. I think you could well lose your life if you completely lost ego.

This is a grand experiment.  I say feel both.  Know you have capacities for knowing yourself as both wave and particle.  I am writing about this in the book and some VERY interesting theories coming forward to explain the particle/wave duality that also happens to tie into my own model that I have developed to explain the two basic modes that consciousness moves between.

So be honest with yourself. This place is a gift, not a curse. It is not a sin but a wonder. It is here to remind you of what you are.  This world will resolve into that wonder and the miracle.  And I am here to remind you of this.  And you are here to decide what it is that you want to feel and know and become. Freewill.  Its wonderful.  And its confounding to some people because its BOTH. 

Not All One only, but neither is it not just One against the world. Duality is only a problem if its a problem.  Otherwise, its not a problem.  

Remember

You are here to remember what you are deeper down.  All enlightenment is that simple, that integral, to where you are right now. 

The Key To Knowing God

Two currents run through two meridians up your body.  One is yin charged, one is yang charged.  This is how all life is ordered.  Even plants. Even atoms.  Each has both because this is what gives order and form to this place.  It is an alternating current, and an energy that can be experienced in states of enlightenment. The key to unlocking this in you is to know that these two currents need to be felt more deeply and brought into a unity.

The two currents move up your body and when they grow in strength, they do something between the two meridians…..they are in this dance….like two power cords lying next to each other and there is this glow between them.  This happens in the light body. These two opposite currents creates a feeling of bliss between the meridians.  Its a miracle, it is transcendent energy.  It connects you to the divine. It unfolds in you.  It unfolds you.  It makes you like its lover….but a very different one where the energy of desire is unleashed and refined into something so distilled…..its beautiful and very cool.  Gotta say cool because nobody else is and the truth is, it is.  So let’s just say it and get it out of the way.  But not cool in an ego way, you know?  Not in a showy way.  

The twin currents move upwards and they create bliss between them, the sacred third, the secret to the indwelling Christ consciousness or Krishna or whatever else people want to call it. When this is awakened, you don’t need a teacher, you just need to ask the universe to bring you the things you need to move forward.  And it does. 

These two currents go up into the brain.  The brain itself is ordered by this energy, too  Yin and yang.  When you bring both hemispheres into unity, inspiration happens, the blast of divine energy.  Do you know what it feels like to be inspired? Imagine tripling that and then keeping the valve on ALL the time.  Then you will get the idea what this thing is like. But you bring the two brains that are generally masculine and feminine and bring them into a unity. You also bring all of your other parts of yourself into a unity.  Bring everything, including the lowest parts of you all together. When you do, you will begin to start the machinery that will lead to awakening.  its not some fancy process, its a realization. Its a remembering.  Its in the moment profoundly.  Its visit changes you forever. Thank goodness. 

But it can make a mess of your life if you let it.  Let it just take it all down and surrender.  If you can, then it will be less like fighting a giant 800 lb gorilla and more like being a dam that opens and lets all the waters of spirit flow. 

Two currents.  The male current does not make you less feminine if you are female.  Nor does the feminine current make you less masculine.  With the holy union happening inside of you, you see and understand why both are so necessary and that it is this union that is driving all of this.  It is as the deity wanted, what being seems to require.  When you give yourself to this you do not lose yourself, you just lose what was never necessary to begin with and which always served to bring you sorrow and pain.  As this gets shaked out of you, things get better and better.  

Dual currents on each side.  They go up.  As they do, there is a weak field produced between them.  As this grows in strength, you will feel it more as a feeling of bliss. Allow the linear mind and holistic mind to merge.  Its only when both sides work together that we get the explosion of inspiration that is an aspect of awakening, but whose potential has not become a self sustaining flame. 

Two currents.

You will know God-dess within when you feel this. 

Healing Koan

Sometimes healing happens best when you remove the source of the hurt and pain in the environment.  It may not remove the pain from inside, but it helps to keep the hurt or trouble from staying fresh.  Some issues are best left to grow stale and irrelevant to the self by not being tested and reinvigorated.  When no longer an issue, old investments can be allowed to fall away.

When you have a box of precious items that you can't stand to throw away, putting them into storage can sometimes serve to reveal to you how little they were needed all along by simply sitting there.  Items so stored can be reviewed later and the self realize that its really time to let it go, and it does.

Without the input or stimulus the self finally learns that the reason for the reaction is simply not important to it if given the right time for healing.  And time does heal many wounds.

Dont be afraid to just give yourself time.  Eventually, whatever it was that made the hurt seem so important will fade as you enter new chapters in your life.

Teaser

By now if you have been reading through some of what I have been posting about the nature of energy and about awakenings, you may be familiar with a model for understanding it that I call the Particle/Wave model for awareness and energy.

Its simple, and it is based on my careful observations of the energy as it has grown in my life post-awakening.

It goes like this:  your whole life you have known yourself to be an individual, and everything you have known has come from the outside of who and what you are.  This has happened as a result of your having five senses. So everything you have ever experienced has been largely determined by your senses.  These senses tell you certain things about reality, and to you, for the most part, its everything that you know.

You have been like a very discreet and perfectly bounded soap bubble who knows its shape and boundaries as this form. Your awareness has been formed by this just as many of your beliefs have. The world is most assuredly "out there" in front of you as a very real and very physical thing. This has also made you feel separate and even alone.  This state of being may have caused you to become something of a seeker, to find out what this life is all about.  the larger ontological questions we all ask such as "who am I" and "why am I here" are all such questions.  They invariably will lead you beyond yourself as seeming separate in the world.  A part of this soap bubble awareness, what I call Particalized Awareness, are your beliefs and feelings about how things are.  What you don't always realize is that you are doing what Anais Nin once described as seeing the world not as it is but as you are.  So buried into yourself are these beliefs that you cannot believe for one moment that your beliefs could have an effect on what it is you are experiencing.

This mode of awareness is perfectly fine for navigating through physical reality.  In fact, its there for a reason. However, we have become so focused in the physical that it has squeezed out our awareness of other things....bigger things....ontological stuff about the nature of reality, why we are here, what we are deeper down.  Stuff like that.  There is another side to the coin, and its what I call Waveform Awareness, and this form of being is different from what you have known thus far. This awareness is focused differently, but its no less valid and central to your being able to understand who and what you are beyond being a mere particle floating along all on your own.  It answers the question for why we are here in many respects, and it relates us to all the selves we have been and will be.  It is a multidimensional awareness because you, my dear reader, are multidimensional. You may think this silly, but its only silly when you have only known yourself as our soap bubble.

When you enter Waveform awareness, you are literally tapping a nonlocal energy source that is in everything and IS everything. It is the Source of all things.  That may sound high and mighty, but we have enough evidence to show just how true this is.  Since this form of awareness occurs from within, its been a sticky wicket to try and understand it.  Most people who do, do not seek to test and explain in materialistic ways (say through science which is materialistic in most of its orientation).  They simply know.  Why bother to do all that?  Its here, now follow me and I will show you, they say. Do the work, and you will see. But this energy is akin to your individual awareness suddenly knowing itself as part of a larger wave, and this wave is defacto everything that is.  The only thing that stands in your way of experiencing this is how your awareness is focused. Something has to come about that will break that reliance on your awareness as purely individual and move you along the wave.  Since the wave is infinite in potential, you will quite naturally begin to experience the infinite.  One such experience is that of the Source, which drives all of this.  People speak of knowing god or a deity through this method.  Its the only way. And they all say the same thing, whether it be a Christian mystic or a Hindu yogi; you find it within. Up till now, you have been looking outside and all you can get or grasp is a bunch of very finite stuff.  Facts, figures, phenomenon, belief.  There is something more, a lot more, and to get to it, you have to get to the very essence of how the universe is constructed....which isn't that there was something put here for us to inhabit, but something that emerged out of consciousness, and since we emerged out of that same consciousness, we have a very intimate relationship with the seeming external universe.  And true to form, we are finding that this is true. We are finding the linkage between our thoughts and our awareness and how it affects and forms events.  The most rudimentary of these is what we have observed as happening with subatomic and atomic particles and how they behave when they are being watched or recorded AS they do what they do.  This is the infamous "double slit" experiment where particles stopped behaving the way they normally do when there is a camera or monitoring device set up to observe what it is they are doing as they do it. We are also seeing other interesting connectives with this same line of thinking in LARGER phenomenon in, say, a person's life.  I am working on this in my book Waking The Infinite, and its very interesting indeed, since it points to a more unified theory of how the world of quantum effects can be seen effecting events in our lives.  Traditionally, quantum physics has said that the weird effects of particles behaving differently when they "know" they are being watched is limited only to small events like photons and atoms. However, there is something interesting things that are emerging, and they actually feed right into my model for Particle and Wave awareness.

There is a new model for what particles are in relationship to waves.  This model suggests that particle and waves are not just part of each other, but are the same thing, but one of them is being entrained while in the physical in order to create physical effects of a given character.  This model is consistent with the idea that as we move into particle forms, there is a force acting on a wave in some way to cause it to behave very differently. And what exactly is this different thing?  Without spoiling the surprise, it has to do with a wave being folded into itself to appear as a particle.  A wave actually begins to take on a particle appearance when it is still a wave. So folded within the particle is actually wave energy.  And this is just like how you are.  You LOOK like you are a delicate particle living its life, and yet within you is also the energy of the wave.  What is happening is something of a seeming.  This is what the yogis say is the illusion of this life. I don't like illusion as  a word because I sense its in truth a creation....and THIS is quite a different thing. It was Picasso who said "Art is the lie that helps us to see the truth."  And if you think this way, you can see how understanding this "lie" or creation can lead you to understanding some pretty damned profound things about how the world is composed.  And in understanding it, it can also lead you to knowing how to lead a very different, perhaps better, life. What would you do if you found out that you WEREN'T a finite particle, a soap bubble floating temporarily on the breeze, ready to pop at any moment, your little journey over in just a half century or two? It would be huge, I suspect.

Now for the next juicy tidbit.  As a result of this model as its been put forth, it suggests (to me) that the thing that entrains the wave is your own awareness!  What makes things seem to be as they are is your own awareness....or focus, which is, naturally, as a particle.  Its coincident that as your beliefs about the world drop away, you are able to experience the power of this wave much more clearly.  You go from an awareness that has been entraining matter around you, the universe, based on beliefs about how it happens to being more aligned with what the reality is deeper down, which is that none of this is limited at all!  Infinite.  What stands in your way?  Your beliefs, quite obviously.  No one every does anything that they do not believe is possible.  Their awareness is formed by belief and belief informs action. Now of course, I am not talking about stepping off the side of a building, but then again, I am not suggesting either that there isn't some way that you might get to a place where you COULD.  There is still more to know, to learn, and to test in order to understand what the relationship energy may have to physical phenomenon. But what's most obvious here is that the greater the presence of energy, the greater the presence of something that is called the synchronicity is in people's lives who have awakening. Its very interesting that in some gnostic texts, Jesus is explaining how one awakens awareness of the "kingdom" and he says concurrent with his prescription that when you ask the mountain to move away, it moves away.  The synchronicity is more than what we currently think it is, an odd coincidence with meaning for us in the moment. I got into how this works in the book Waking The Infinite.  I also discuss this new model or theory of the particle/wave duality which mirrors most closely my own model for understanding consciousness in terms of awareness and how conscious energy behaves depending on how it is entrained.....or focused. If it is focused in your Particalized Awareness, it follows one set of rules, but when it is entrained through the Waveform Awareness, things begin to happen differently.  Events actually change, and what we might have described as miracles two centuries ago become more understood for what they are; a hitherto poorly understood quality of how energy and matter interact.

This new model for understanding the particle/wave duality in physics is very interesting and could blow the lid off of how we see physical reality itself. I have to say that thus far, its very compelling, and very simple, fits in with my own model of the duality principles and may well help to inform our thinking as we go forward not just in physics, but in what would have been called pseudo-science very recently.....the science of awakening.

So I know its a bit of a tease that I am offering up here, and I do hope that if you are interested in finding out more that once I get the book out, that you will buy it, read it, and let me know what you think!  I feel that we are entering a time when the veils of our past conceptualizing of this field will fall away even more as our own biases and beliefs soften.  What will be revealed will be far cooler and interesting a world than we ever through or could imagine.

Nemasté