Monday, January 7, 2013


It seems that there is a process, work to do, things to get through.  But for me, what I see or am knowing is that in truth, It is teaching me how to just be.  It is like jumping off a high cliff in order to soar.  The way to do it is just to do it.  The "work" or "process" winds up just screwing up the courage to jump.

I was reading about how some teachers speak of "there is nothing to do" while others believe in some sort of practice.  If a practice helps you screw up the courage, then it is of use.  Use every tool at your command. But when the moment comes, it comes like death, and we all fear death.  But this death, which is surely that, is not something you really do.  When it comes, it comes.  And when it does, all of the preparation that you made for it, all dissolves into one single thing; surrender to what is.  Each and every healing within has been this way for me, and I have to ask, am I really all that different from everyone else?  If a paractice or method helps you to focus on a goal, then who is to say that there is not some worth in that?  And yet, as I lay down to sleep last night, I just laid down and asked "What is it that I most need to know?  What is it that I need to let go?"  Then, in that moment I saw an image, one very quick image.  A scene, hardly a scene really came before me just long enough to remind me of something that had happeend to me in some past existance.  I don't know when or where, but all I seemed ot need in that moment was that one little jostling of my memory and the memory led me to this place of feeling that I had not been allowing to feel fully.  In that moment, I just surrendered and asked what I could do.  I just needed to remember.  No breathing, no postures....just lying still in bed before going to sleep.  And its funny in a way because most of these clearings have taken place when I am in bed.  This is very human stuff, and lying in bed could be just the thing.  Or sipping tea in the afternoon or maybe sitting in full lotus. 

You can put it off sometimes, but there is an inevitabillity to it.  You agreed to come here, to be born, and so you have also agreed to die.  all deaths, though, will bring you to a birth.  Dying, birthing, dying and birthing again. Dying to what you thought you were to what you are.  Over and over, the old ideas or feelings are shed like small deaths in a day, and life becomes something different than it was before.  Something vital and important to our lives is returned to us.  All of these events, these little conceptual and emotional deaths, are strung like pearls on a beautiful necklace.  No, silly, you do not physically die when you go through this kind of living change.  But someday you will, and when you have gone through enough small deaths, the final one that you think seems to end your physical life here  will be all the more amazing and wonderful, a celebration even, because you will be all the more ready to embrace it without pulling away in fear.   So there may be nothing to do but to simply jump and go, trusting that you will be supported by wind or water or some other mythic force dreamed up in our minds to help us to make sense of something that is entirely mysterious inside of us until we cross over that line between resistance and fear into surrender and new life.

Awakening was like a death folowed by new life.  Ego death was like a death followed by new life.  Each karma released felt like a death only to be followed my new life.  Each release was truly like a revelation, a new life for It carried the very essence of the truth of what life is in it. It is no wonder that carrying karma around for so long is so hard on us. I am ready for death, for the effort seems to be total; stepping off and simply doing it. What makes it seem a process is whatever resistance I still have built up within me that has to be realized and let go.

But don't worry; this is so broad a thing, whatever you bring to it will be perfect for you where you are.  There are many ways, many hearts, minds and souls all taking part in this world.  But if you are going through this, you might consider how when death comes, it is so effortless, so filled with light and promise instead of the dread we feel in our lack of knowing.  It is  the unknown coming to know itself....

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