Pilgrim

In definitive tone
he speaks
I listen
frightened somewhat
he never says anything gentle
but challenges every step of the way.
"She is everything, the whole world."
How do I live up to that?
"Align to her purpose and no other, this is how it must be."
I feel her passion move through
me like pearls of thunder
striking me to my core
and opening me up.
I know his words are true
for divine passion
multiplies in his presence
and worlds of possibility come into rich focus.

Not long ago he spoke saying
"You must love her no matter what; no matter
whether she returns it or honors or aligns with it.
If this love is to be what it is in me, then you must do this
for the love is truly unconditional."

I know without a doubt that were my life perfect I would still
be standing by the rivers edge
like a pilgrim
praying to the All
on his way Home
breathlessly trying to capture your breath
or plumb your heart
or gaze deeply into you.
It does not change things, though,
for we come at this with the same need
and hope
yet do not always understand why it is here.
I will step over wisdoms to reach the trembling lips
gasping breath
grasping hands
and tender hearted moments
just to get to my love...
even then.
Moreso then.

Physical things for physical creatures....
we need comfort and a place to feel protected.
I understand this, honor it. But just now
I am not convinced it is for my soul
for what I am headed inside.
I'd rather sleep bare under a wide starry sky uncertain
of where I go next
but certain about my compass
and passion.
A lesser self in me would have chosen the first door
just to be safe
but my infinite
launches itself out into the world
and bids me follow.
You have helped give me back myself
with more dividends returning daily.....
I can never properly thank you.
And while it seems suicide
or crazy or worse
I know what my insides tell me
and it feels like leaping into
the breach
with out visible signs of support.
Perhaps I am simply mad
and its multiplied at the higher levels....
I am not stranger to what it is I feel.
I know while it does not feel like my voice
it is still my voice....deeper still than this one.

I know this probably makes little sense to you
I have wanted so badly for you to be for me
as I would have been for you
and yet perhaps as you have said
this is something that has not been before
so it WILL seem strange and different....
and so I set my ear soul-wise
to listen to what he will say to me,
speaking of no-condition while expanding
my body's ability to experience divine passion
until I feel bliss and sensuality like gentle a
gentle rain.....laced with opium
making me ask what's the point if I cannot have the object of
my desire, yearning, and love.
"Trust" is all that soul says
and I know I will
reaching a little further into a great mystery
and turning my love from something that wanted to
something that IS.