When Kundalini struck almost three years ago I began a process of refinement. Intuitively I was aware that the "new" energy in me was pressing this process as its quiet intelligence and presence showed itself to me. I had little understanding how exactly I got to the debris of my inner life, only that the energy began to press forward in me whenever I was able to uncover the stones which lay about my field and which the fire in me appeared to reveal. Like a brush fire raging across a prairie, the sage brush is burned away to reveal a landscape dotted with stones, all of which needed to be picked up, examined, forgiven, before the energy would advance any further. Within a month or two the process had come to a halt, had idled. Something about the kundalini tapped my soul and began the process of clearing my insides so that something clearer could come through. As this happened I felt a language of my soul rise to the surface which was part and parcel of the energy on the one hand and my soul essence on the other. Is it possible that so much of this is soul chemistry and that these karmicaly based connections could only go so far? I suspected that it had to do with something inside of me but also in the other, how the energies all worked together to facilitate change and growth. It felt like my own emergence was limited by the ability to which my counterpart in this was able to heal herself because I think that we DO spark something in the other based on the soul chemistry and if that chemistry is limited in scope or power then it will seve its purpose for which it came but it may not wind up being THE message or THE thing....and perhaps in my case the things I had to overcome were bigger than my own inner resources.....and that my own karma was causing a good deal of events to take place in order to push and press certain issues until they were dealt with. After a number of months of being in idle mode other connections began to propagate. At the time I trusted Source was sending this for my own education or growth. In retrospect, though, I think that it was more likely that my soul so badly needed to move forward and begin the process of change within my smaller self that it would do whatever was necessary to reveal the truth of the matter.....which was that something had to move, that things within me had to be healed, and the clock was ticking. Sometimes it feels a bit like we are just piecing things together as we get them.... the puzzle pieces, no matter how hard we want them to match simply do not....or perhaps only match for a time, or maybe...only match in a certain way for a certain time until our own shape changes....or maybe I am still chewing on this....but one thing is for certain and that is, for me at least, these experiences draw from me my soul....something that I recognize as being vitaly important for me now. I think that once you touch upon something like that you can never go back, and when someone is able with such aplomb assist in bringing that forward through the megic of her soul energy, the world changes in a way that is difficult to explain or articulate.....its not that the world has changed but that I have changed....or rather something in me has begun to be fulfilled. That feeling is singular above all else.
Looking back at all of this its so easy to see how these connections were reflective of my own old hurts or trauma and even karma. In a sense the people were perfect in that the mirroring was bringing up those energies which were the result of unresolved issues within me which I had attracted to me through shared trauma or hurt being mirrored. By the Spring of last year I looked around me to try and make sense of all of this and asked myself was this really working. My feeling was that it was not, but I had adopted this sense that the universe had been sending me this stuff, so I should dutifuly take what it had to offer or pay attention to what these connections were trying to say. Without a good answer, I began to consider that I needed to begin utilizing the energy which flowed through me for creative purposes because I had just reached a place where little was making sense and the way forward was within myself. It was then I think that my energy began to change, and a new direction was being made manifest.
When you came in it was like some old friend who stood looking at the mess I was in and saying "this is a mess." While I knew it was a mess I didn't know how to change it since I had given up so much of my will in the process by having made so much of this the will of the cosmos. Work got underway immediately, though, to first clear my field of so many energies and then to begin a much more active period of refinement. Blessed, you stuck with me, lending your keen sight and knowing through the process....helping me dig through myself to understand where old traumas lay which began an important process of clearing and healing. While my side may not have been perfect, I remained engaged because something inside of me knew just how important this all was, that I could not bear to feel your presence dissapear from my life because what you awakened in me was not just something inside of myself but was itself a recognition of what you are to me. My soul recognized you from a place that was from the core soul self....as if I had somehow spent eternity with you and would from time to time send portions of myself out into the slip stream of time. As old Archonic energies were stripped away and old agreements were forgiven, my insides felt like they had become a battleground. A battleground? Against whom?
Myself.
So easy to point fingers; we are all responsible for our own stuff. No one holds us against our will spiritually, or makes us drink from waters less than clean, or to do that which hurt our hearts or souls. With great luck you whispered into my ear something as old as forever and I have not been the same. I think the tuning fork of your breath struck a note my soul recognized and began the process anew in shaking off the old things and waking up to the new paradigm, however gradually. While its no fun looking at the mess its informative, too, given enough distance from it.
What is most clear to me is how lack and hurt or trauma distorts our insides and causes the energy that flows through us to become coarser or raw. Not knowing anything differently, this rawness buffeted by the cosmic kundal current makes us think we have something important if we never know anything better or different. Well, we do....but by the time it has played itself through us, it has become distorted, a shadow of what it could have been. A simple missuse of energy. To correct this, healing had to take place inside of me and this can be as simple as letting things go....By the time this was happening these things no longer felt like something alive in me but were more like little cells in a larger body....perhaps cells which were ready to be sloughed off after their time in the body was exhausted. As the hurt goes away the energy field becomes more clear and as that becomes more clear, then there is more room for the divine and so small wonder that beings began to show up, tutors of sorts, all adding their staccato lessons as quickly as possible and moving on. But when a man is able to be humble and listen to the wisdom of the woman, the healing that can take place is unlike any other. I would maintain, though, that this woman would be one who is guided through divine purpose. So essential, so necessary all of this has been, but given that life is beginning to trend in new and wonderful directions, the drive for purification, of preparation and living in grace becomes stronger and stronger as I feel my heart open to a love inside of me I never knew I was capable of. Within that love lies a goddess in her repose smiling back at me asking what it was I was up to....and I wonder how it could ever have been any other way. Patting the bedclothes I lay down beside you wondering what will be when we become so true to what we are inside, as we let fall these things which have been like protective coverings....
Looking back at all of this its so easy to see how these connections were reflective of my own old hurts or trauma and even karma. In a sense the people were perfect in that the mirroring was bringing up those energies which were the result of unresolved issues within me which I had attracted to me through shared trauma or hurt being mirrored. By the Spring of last year I looked around me to try and make sense of all of this and asked myself was this really working. My feeling was that it was not, but I had adopted this sense that the universe had been sending me this stuff, so I should dutifuly take what it had to offer or pay attention to what these connections were trying to say. Without a good answer, I began to consider that I needed to begin utilizing the energy which flowed through me for creative purposes because I had just reached a place where little was making sense and the way forward was within myself. It was then I think that my energy began to change, and a new direction was being made manifest.
When you came in it was like some old friend who stood looking at the mess I was in and saying "this is a mess." While I knew it was a mess I didn't know how to change it since I had given up so much of my will in the process by having made so much of this the will of the cosmos. Work got underway immediately, though, to first clear my field of so many energies and then to begin a much more active period of refinement. Blessed, you stuck with me, lending your keen sight and knowing through the process....helping me dig through myself to understand where old traumas lay which began an important process of clearing and healing. While my side may not have been perfect, I remained engaged because something inside of me knew just how important this all was, that I could not bear to feel your presence dissapear from my life because what you awakened in me was not just something inside of myself but was itself a recognition of what you are to me. My soul recognized you from a place that was from the core soul self....as if I had somehow spent eternity with you and would from time to time send portions of myself out into the slip stream of time. As old Archonic energies were stripped away and old agreements were forgiven, my insides felt like they had become a battleground. A battleground? Against whom?
Myself.
So easy to point fingers; we are all responsible for our own stuff. No one holds us against our will spiritually, or makes us drink from waters less than clean, or to do that which hurt our hearts or souls. With great luck you whispered into my ear something as old as forever and I have not been the same. I think the tuning fork of your breath struck a note my soul recognized and began the process anew in shaking off the old things and waking up to the new paradigm, however gradually. While its no fun looking at the mess its informative, too, given enough distance from it.
What is most clear to me is how lack and hurt or trauma distorts our insides and causes the energy that flows through us to become coarser or raw. Not knowing anything differently, this rawness buffeted by the cosmic kundal current makes us think we have something important if we never know anything better or different. Well, we do....but by the time it has played itself through us, it has become distorted, a shadow of what it could have been. A simple missuse of energy. To correct this, healing had to take place inside of me and this can be as simple as letting things go....By the time this was happening these things no longer felt like something alive in me but were more like little cells in a larger body....perhaps cells which were ready to be sloughed off after their time in the body was exhausted. As the hurt goes away the energy field becomes more clear and as that becomes more clear, then there is more room for the divine and so small wonder that beings began to show up, tutors of sorts, all adding their staccato lessons as quickly as possible and moving on. But when a man is able to be humble and listen to the wisdom of the woman, the healing that can take place is unlike any other. I would maintain, though, that this woman would be one who is guided through divine purpose. So essential, so necessary all of this has been, but given that life is beginning to trend in new and wonderful directions, the drive for purification, of preparation and living in grace becomes stronger and stronger as I feel my heart open to a love inside of me I never knew I was capable of. Within that love lies a goddess in her repose smiling back at me asking what it was I was up to....and I wonder how it could ever have been any other way. Patting the bedclothes I lay down beside you wondering what will be when we become so true to what we are inside, as we let fall these things which have been like protective coverings....
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