I have been moving through rough water as of late and it is bringing up things that I am not immediately aware of or understand.......yet there is a sense of familiar in how it all works. I may not always know what the solution is but if I step back and ask myself if I am the one to solve this problem or if its those who stand ready to assist, those legions of light, then it becomes clear I am simply engaged in something that is from an old pattern that led me to think I could solve my own problems. I cannot. Some of these issues are very old, lifetimes, and there is no way my little self can deal with them in the right way. I must remand this to my higher centers.
It is there that the answers begin to flow. I have been tied in knots for the last day. I feel as though some energy have been getting a grip on me after having taken something on in surrogate fashion. The sense has been that as I have taken this on my son has become more and more clear....free from troubling things.....I don't know if I am taking it on literaly or if he and I are tied to a similar stream of family karma as well as energy and are seeking to dissolve old shackles that have been on our family tree since the middle ages, and as a result there is some sort of compensating effect to what we are each individually going through....I do sense its very closely tied.
I thought about this and how I needed to rid myself of this tightness which he had complained of just days before. If I was taking it from him to remove it I had to remove it from myself. Walking through a parking lot at night I felt the voice of someone near me say I had to use my grace to bear this away. To understand it, to have compassion for it as well. I already know the path of grace. I have learned this and so may be called on to carry something... and I also know that the Way of Goddess is terribly important to help facilitate her movement into the world. This is part of that. But staying in grace has not been easy....but I think I am learning. There is a hopelesness tied up in this lower energy which is exactly what makes it so hard to break out of sometimes because it feels hopeless....am I feeling the collected sense that has tainted the men in my line all these generations? Have we passed down this creature generation after generation? Time to make changes in dna to lock its presence out of all possibility I think....
Feeling tight and tied up this morning upon waking, I took this as not a great sign. I thought of Goddess, thought how important she is to my very breath......and I knew that I had to align to her abundant wonder and beauty, that she alone has the power to save me by helping to bring me back to myself. My larger self is aligned already with her in such a complete and beautiful way that in doing this I am at once aligned to my greater resources as well as to her, which is a state of wonder, bliss, joy, and exquisite beauty. Once I reach that place inside of me I find that I am more receptive to other healing. I lay there asking myself what I needed to do....intending that I wanted this feeling gone from me, feeling tied up in knots. I did not push anything, I merely lay in bed content to not know the answer for the time being. In about ten minutes I felt something begin to move into my heart, and around my heart. It was a vibration that loosened up the heart center and changed my energy fundamentally. With me, if the heart center is not open properly, all the rest suffers. My centers need the heart energy which comes from my higher self. When that great love streams through then it helps to temper the root in such a way that it goes from suffering through the intensity to boldly moving through the intensity of its sexual energy in a way that is beautiful and so perfect feeling. Gentle, warm, strong, balanced, but sensitive and receptive to its larger self and the goddess which is a loving part of him and he a part of her, the masculine energy rests calmly, gently, yearning for his goddess in ever fuller states of being.
While this vibration moved through my heart center I felt the one word "Empower" come to me which I knew dealt with my son. The feeling was given, but no directions, just the vibration. I follow that vibration.....the energy itself will have a way of bringing to mind those things which need to be done and it will be perfect in its timing if it goes like it has gone already. This is the second of these transmissions in two days and I suspect they come from the father, a form of guidance in this challenging time.
So much has happened in the last few days....the timing has been so bizarre in one way, yet makes perfect sense in another. Ultimately the result is the universe telling me that it has heared my inner voice and is aligning to that sense of purpose and intent. Ultimately I know that this is something that I must honor and let take place and not mess with. I have a path to follow, a purpose to fulfill. The way to that place is continuous, akways being formed in the moment, and instead of trying to drive events I follow and events form before me in the way that needs to happen. Now that way might sound crazy to some but that's because thinking the world is meant to be controlled I am learning shows a lack of faith. Showing up with some faith seems to be the way for me....which is that I still remain engaged but surrendered.
I remember reading about a woman named Peace Pilgrim. She wrote of the process she went through where she gave up her ego and surrendered to a larger sense of purpose. As a result of this she found that she went from uncertain about what would happen next to being present in the moment and being taken care of on her walk, which lasted for years....learning to remain in this sacred stance is what I am hoping to maintain.
It is there that the answers begin to flow. I have been tied in knots for the last day. I feel as though some energy have been getting a grip on me after having taken something on in surrogate fashion. The sense has been that as I have taken this on my son has become more and more clear....free from troubling things.....I don't know if I am taking it on literaly or if he and I are tied to a similar stream of family karma as well as energy and are seeking to dissolve old shackles that have been on our family tree since the middle ages, and as a result there is some sort of compensating effect to what we are each individually going through....I do sense its very closely tied.
I thought about this and how I needed to rid myself of this tightness which he had complained of just days before. If I was taking it from him to remove it I had to remove it from myself. Walking through a parking lot at night I felt the voice of someone near me say I had to use my grace to bear this away. To understand it, to have compassion for it as well. I already know the path of grace. I have learned this and so may be called on to carry something... and I also know that the Way of Goddess is terribly important to help facilitate her movement into the world. This is part of that. But staying in grace has not been easy....but I think I am learning. There is a hopelesness tied up in this lower energy which is exactly what makes it so hard to break out of sometimes because it feels hopeless....am I feeling the collected sense that has tainted the men in my line all these generations? Have we passed down this creature generation after generation? Time to make changes in dna to lock its presence out of all possibility I think....
Feeling tight and tied up this morning upon waking, I took this as not a great sign. I thought of Goddess, thought how important she is to my very breath......and I knew that I had to align to her abundant wonder and beauty, that she alone has the power to save me by helping to bring me back to myself. My larger self is aligned already with her in such a complete and beautiful way that in doing this I am at once aligned to my greater resources as well as to her, which is a state of wonder, bliss, joy, and exquisite beauty. Once I reach that place inside of me I find that I am more receptive to other healing. I lay there asking myself what I needed to do....intending that I wanted this feeling gone from me, feeling tied up in knots. I did not push anything, I merely lay in bed content to not know the answer for the time being. In about ten minutes I felt something begin to move into my heart, and around my heart. It was a vibration that loosened up the heart center and changed my energy fundamentally. With me, if the heart center is not open properly, all the rest suffers. My centers need the heart energy which comes from my higher self. When that great love streams through then it helps to temper the root in such a way that it goes from suffering through the intensity to boldly moving through the intensity of its sexual energy in a way that is beautiful and so perfect feeling. Gentle, warm, strong, balanced, but sensitive and receptive to its larger self and the goddess which is a loving part of him and he a part of her, the masculine energy rests calmly, gently, yearning for his goddess in ever fuller states of being.
While this vibration moved through my heart center I felt the one word "Empower" come to me which I knew dealt with my son. The feeling was given, but no directions, just the vibration. I follow that vibration.....the energy itself will have a way of bringing to mind those things which need to be done and it will be perfect in its timing if it goes like it has gone already. This is the second of these transmissions in two days and I suspect they come from the father, a form of guidance in this challenging time.
So much has happened in the last few days....the timing has been so bizarre in one way, yet makes perfect sense in another. Ultimately the result is the universe telling me that it has heared my inner voice and is aligning to that sense of purpose and intent. Ultimately I know that this is something that I must honor and let take place and not mess with. I have a path to follow, a purpose to fulfill. The way to that place is continuous, akways being formed in the moment, and instead of trying to drive events I follow and events form before me in the way that needs to happen. Now that way might sound crazy to some but that's because thinking the world is meant to be controlled I am learning shows a lack of faith. Showing up with some faith seems to be the way for me....which is that I still remain engaged but surrendered.
I remember reading about a woman named Peace Pilgrim. She wrote of the process she went through where she gave up her ego and surrendered to a larger sense of purpose. As a result of this she found that she went from uncertain about what would happen next to being present in the moment and being taken care of on her walk, which lasted for years....learning to remain in this sacred stance is what I am hoping to maintain.
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