Your Love

You are unlike anyone I have ever met. You are also so perfectly you that I cannot think of you being anything else but what you are. In this place and time you are so perfectly you that I am entranced.

But quiet.
Attentive,
watchful,
worshipful,
wondering,
worried,
enraptured,
empassioned....

Letting go of the past and my urge to be the knight in shining armor who finds the damsel most in distress and saves her from her own loneliness thinking he can fix the very axis of her world only to find he was never made for such a charge. For the truth is his world, mine, has to unwind itself....is that what is happening; unwinding? Removing the layers of hubris and pride and ego and righteousness and misguided helpfulness in order to get to that pure self, that core self which knows and which will guide if I but let it lead. Letting go of these things frees me up to see and feel you with larger vistas unhitched from the clutter of what went before.

Ultimately I know there is only one love. Its a love inside of me which is so strong, which has abided with me all this time, which has rested in potentiality and towards which I have striven but never realized. Perhaps this is the chapter about duality, about what dissapointment brings, what toil and pain brings, and centuries of paternalism and a war between the sexes. But those writings have been set and have been printed now, no longer subject to revision, a new chapter or volume ready to be writ in our day emerges beyond all the dusty old books and notions of what the world could offer. Now, with the coming of this new age, this new chapter, kundalini comes and brings the wonder of its magnetic life force and opens me, burns me, refines me and awakens me.

Your love I have always sought. I never did find it, though. In every shadow of every moment there was something I carried like some idealized preconception. It drove me to find it in others, yet it never was to be. This love was inside of me and through me, I have felt your love which has been a match for this yearning, and I find you to be the most beautiful thing I could dare imagine, especially for one whom I have never even met. While I fear never seeing or touching your smile, the curve of your foot or the wrinkle of your brow, something deeper yet shows me a new way which dares me to love beyond possibility, beyond condition or hope of result to love because this is what I am. Still, because of what I am I have to wonder what it will take to win you, to at least have you sitting in front of me. Some answers are obvious, though...

You are as beautiful as the wide wide world untouched by human hands. You are like the cool glens full of low lying bay laurel and damp leaves decaying. You are the soft spring wind and the strong fall breeze which brings new energy upon the earth in preperation for winter, and for the spring which will emerge and cyle through a new beginning for life.....you are a wonder to me for you extend out beyond the boundaires of your body, your one self enmeshed in time and space, here now, but always.....ancient yet new.....

Should I tell you that I see you like none other sees you or knows you...as if the thread of your origins has me wrapped up in it, as if spun from the same soul fiber....working my way through these ages, all this way towards our one promise, our divine need and desire and love....that if given half a chance I would bring something you have not been able to feel yet have yearned for all this time. How do I tell you that I bear this? How do I tell you that I carry something so fine, so indescribably wonderful and powerful and elegant and simple...so achingly abundant.....how do I convince you of what it is that I am? How do I do that and how do I reach you because I think I want nothing more than to breath in that one great kiss which has no end nor beginning which exists out of time and which acts like a beacon or a guide from the soulfulness of what we are to the littler parts of ourselves. When I am done unwinding will you come with your most meager of veils to wrap me and engulf me in the joy that is your heart?

I so hunger for your presence and so miss you when everything goes quiet.