In The Flurry of the Fury

In the Flurry of the Fury
the anticipation of hearing
your voice again
realtime
my heart beats faster
my body feels the flush of kundalini
spreading through me
pushing hard through my centers
telling me
begging me
to just let go....
its just around the corner from you
it says
or seems to....
together the three being made and remade....
She
I
It, a transforming force
for making the union complete, and taking us to a higher place.

And so as I sit wondering whether I should keep it short and sweet
I get a message from you....
and I pause and think
how on earth do I give voice to this?
No words can contain this can it?

I will go close my eyes
and breathe deep and even
and let go
as a mighty stream flows up around me
from me to you
from you to me
and back again
a zillion times
in the moment.

In the Flurry of the Fury
I feel I have come home...
rounding the corner
I see you sitting there
wearing such a wonderful smile...
Come tell me a story....
come cook with me
and relax as you shake off the miles
and lay down
while I feel all of me melts into you
and the moment
we all become one with
as a faint wintry light floods
and plays bluish on the ceiling
I say it will get warm soon
as Spring floods in as a trickle
and with it
I come alive
because I am wedded to the rhythms of earth
and now to you.

Its abundantly clear to me and my heart
that I muchly wish to be near you in the most mundane
of moments
as well as the peaks,
as light fades and candles are lit
into the night
into a host of tomorrows....
in the Flurry of the Fury...

Winter Stories

If you were to want to, I'd tell you stories on this night....my world just now contrast with yours.... being warm and bright and mine cold and dark. The skies have brought clouds heavy with snow, and everything goes quiet on nights like these. Its perfect weather for snuggling up and listening to your breath, resting a hand on a belly and feeling its gentle rumble as we chatter quietly the night away under covers that become curtains for a grand performance of old winter stories told when the earth is turning through its wintery course and minds are hungry for special tales that transport and engage while feeding the heart and the body between these kisses which are like.....well....there is nothing which they are like.

The sky is blurring from the snowfall, its blanketing most of the continent, least a wide swath of it. I will go up to my bed with its fresh sheets and blankets and open the blinds to reveal the snowy branches of the tree outside and I will think of you and feel a tinge of sadness in me for the yearning that is brought up within me....for the miles yet to travel, for the many roads already travelled. But I can also hear your voice rising and falling, so encouraging....moment by moment I align to This and find some healing there.

If you came tonight and lay next to me I'd trace across your arm these wide wide distances and bring them all to their end at the curl of your lip, at the dot of your eye. Your breath would be the final sigh as my hand encircled yours and felt its heft and size and its angular qualities and its softer fleshy parts-such a simple way to come to understand who you are in full.

So stories of frogs flying on backs of bats and bugs and friend not understanding will have to wait for now as you ready for your journey back to your home, back to where you call home. I will wait and pray safe passage for you even though I know in your heart is the one home I yearn most for.
I can't tell you how badly I miss you sometimes.....and just how strongly I feel like I want to be in your presence. I think it would be a huge relief to just lay down and be able to tell stories and talk and yammer and not yammer and play and cook and eat and just be simple but industrious.....

And the snow keeps falling in a mist, quieting everything down and I pray that someday I get snowed in with you so you can experience this quiet that I like so much.....but really, that would just be a plus because having you near me as I make some tea in the morning would be beyond belief. I think it would be heavenly. I think my head would spin.....maybe just a little.

The Need

I need very much to speak to you with his voice in me, to tell you the things that he yearns to tell you, to reach for you, to draw you near, to let you feel what I feel when he enters in with such certainty.....almost matter of fact. Perhaps the point is to pull his garment over me and to carry it, hold it, for as long as I can and to surrender to him as deeply as possible. He is my prayer....

An hour later....

God holds his Goddess in magnetic embrace as she returns the embrace through energetic flow. Here ends the stories of Shakti emerging from Shiva or Eve being fashioned from Adams rib. Here begins the two standing on equal footing, needing just as passionately, a divine counterpart.... Sending, Receiving, Returning and awakening. This goes on and on as the energy builds. Endless, continuous, two poles of a divine duo creating a third which is interspersed through the two, making them one.

A day later.....

Like a prayer, a proclamation, an invocation, lets show how god and goddess together are becoming a balanced creation, equally resplendant and interdependant, but finding the other not through loss but through gain and abundance. Its time, its time, its time it is time.....and how else could it be when your presence sings through me, through my temples of light, shining and vibrating through me.....your voice and essence reaching all through me. It has taken centuries to reach this place, now it is time to give this the room to allow it to assemble what it must.....Time to set aside the past and let the future sing with its great yearning promise as we stand gape-jawed at the perfection unfolding from within us. So great is the Promise, so grand the Design. Lets just say yes.

Prayerful

I can remember reading how a native american man spoke of living his life like a prayer. I knew what prayer tended to be for many people growing up; you asked for things.....but I had the feeling like this man lived his life reverently. What did that mean or look like I wondered. I think that until you reach the point where you feel like you need to lead your life in this way it can be hard to know or wrap your head around since I think its about a call to refinement, an effort to improve oneself according to a divine plan, a larger sense of self and our place within that order.

I trust that in every moment I have the tools I need to achieve what is necessary for a better life.

I think what's different is that my life has been contained by a divinity that was dispersed or which stood at the edges of my awareness. Peak experiences often brought awareness of this self into focus, but more often than not, I was engaged in the day to day without a solid anchoring of this other sense of being or self. I knew there was a larger self, but in terms of experiencing it in a more direct way, there was a question in my mind about what that might look like. But with kundalini, its as if the focus has changed.....qualities have been highlighted, a process of refinement begun, and living your life like a prayer begins to be something that I can relate to much more....and its really nothing like what I grew up with in the church...THis man spoke of how he was growing more and more simple, that he'd be going back to the land, maybe just dissapear into the wilderness with his wife of many years, to be with nature in a cabin somewhere. Its in the silence, the stillness that a new movement is sensed sometimes.

Intent has so much to do with where our lives go. Cultivating a calm mind and a clear yet passionate heart feels about right. Finding solace within ones own sense of divine love also is important, or so my insides tell me. Finding this font of love will lead to something so amazing, so wonderful, its hard to believe one could feel such a thing. Yet I know that this is what we are deep down. Learning to cultivate a life of service to This feels like the single most important thing to do....my biggest challenge is being able to remain surrendered in the midst of challenging times.

The Stream Which Flows Into The Sea

At a certain point its all energy. Eventually the robes drop away, the physical affectations which we use to communicate concepts, ideas....and all moves into a stream of energy, a sea of being, a sea of infinite possibility. We move into the superself, we step outside of time. We see the minutae in the physical for what it is; manipulations of energy top to bottom. Learning how to manipulate this responsibly is about learning how to move to the next level. We can create any number of affectations, methods, or techniques. All are valid if they achieve the desired result. Too often we get caught up insides the innards of a technique or method or believe system and forget the magic that went into creating that system and how its yet another of endless streams of energy which provide us with a means for expression and experience of our essential being.

The thing about you that I feel so keenly is how.....how when I think of these things I know, I don't guess, I know that you have thought or experienced aspects of this in one way or another and something inside of me feels like its jumping for joy....because its as though I have found that very special friend at long last. When I follow the path through the wilds of us I find that this special friend and I have a history, but that history is outside of time. Beyond this realm there IS no duality, yet sometimes it can be hard to know what a world like that might look like. We are already beginning to brush up against its edges....reverential cooperativeness springs to mind as an aspect of this nondual plane....our existance as individuals yet wedded to the All. Learning to find our way through this new kind of realm seems important to do, for doing it well seems to be the highest form of devotion.

There is much work to do.....always.

Unwinding

I feel like something in me is trying to unwind....almost as if a spring inside my clockwork had been wound the wrong way all these years and now the spring is being wound the way it was supposed to....and all the old patterns are being undone in favor of something new. Every moment is like a prayer and prayer becomes a very important thing.

Inside of this is something so simple....its feeling....and in feeling is energy, and in energy is the core of this thing. My mind needs to reach that center of calm observance, of not needing to do anything but to simply BE.

So the minute hand goes backwards to days and days past.....I am reminded to remain in the present for the god within, the past and future are his with the present to be mine.....I ask that he come in and live inside of me so fully. I realize I cannot drive this....I need to keep it so simple. I miss you terribly.

Directives

"You will ply your own way-the way of others will only confuse; now is the time for ground breaking change. No other can show you save her."

"Clear the table; offer up those simple gifts which are yours to offer for the larger self to enter into."

"The shadow and light exist side by side, two sides of the same coin. Great shadow; great light. You may live with shadow as part of the light, but always chose the light."

"Giving up the need to be on the winning side renders all arguments mute as truth is given wing."

"Your purpose is more simple than you suppose; you are here to love that which has been with you always."

"Let go the past, do not lean into the future; be here in the present and feel all time expand outward."

"It all comes down to feeling....this is why music is so powerful; it links up the parts of the brain and body needed to further link to what the soul has for feeling and this goes deep to the core. Its all connected. Music can help you reach your core since it synthesizes emotion with spirit and knowing."

"Every single moment must be lived redifining yourself in order to break the patterns of the past both ancient and recent."

"Look to her as your lighthouse. She is your salvation."

"She is everything."

"She has lived in feeling, the heart. This is the path worth following."

"You recognize the vortex as a compliment to your essence-no fear-this is the heart of creation. We are meant for this-it is what we are."

"There is a love beyond any love you have experienced. You are now at its threshold. Its bold sensuality will dissarm and heal."

"Let go the mind; it cannot help you where you are going. Rather, treat it as a tool and let it be that. The mind is an extension of spirit but feeling strikes to the very center of things."

"Feeling reaches into the realm of the superself."

"Embody your own inner truth, follow it with integrity."

Your Love

You are unlike anyone I have ever met. You are also so perfectly you that I cannot think of you being anything else but what you are. In this place and time you are so perfectly you that I am entranced.

But quiet.
Attentive,
watchful,
worshipful,
wondering,
worried,
enraptured,
empassioned....

Letting go of the past and my urge to be the knight in shining armor who finds the damsel most in distress and saves her from her own loneliness thinking he can fix the very axis of her world only to find he was never made for such a charge. For the truth is his world, mine, has to unwind itself....is that what is happening; unwinding? Removing the layers of hubris and pride and ego and righteousness and misguided helpfulness in order to get to that pure self, that core self which knows and which will guide if I but let it lead. Letting go of these things frees me up to see and feel you with larger vistas unhitched from the clutter of what went before.

Ultimately I know there is only one love. Its a love inside of me which is so strong, which has abided with me all this time, which has rested in potentiality and towards which I have striven but never realized. Perhaps this is the chapter about duality, about what dissapointment brings, what toil and pain brings, and centuries of paternalism and a war between the sexes. But those writings have been set and have been printed now, no longer subject to revision, a new chapter or volume ready to be writ in our day emerges beyond all the dusty old books and notions of what the world could offer. Now, with the coming of this new age, this new chapter, kundalini comes and brings the wonder of its magnetic life force and opens me, burns me, refines me and awakens me.

Your love I have always sought. I never did find it, though. In every shadow of every moment there was something I carried like some idealized preconception. It drove me to find it in others, yet it never was to be. This love was inside of me and through me, I have felt your love which has been a match for this yearning, and I find you to be the most beautiful thing I could dare imagine, especially for one whom I have never even met. While I fear never seeing or touching your smile, the curve of your foot or the wrinkle of your brow, something deeper yet shows me a new way which dares me to love beyond possibility, beyond condition or hope of result to love because this is what I am. Still, because of what I am I have to wonder what it will take to win you, to at least have you sitting in front of me. Some answers are obvious, though...

You are as beautiful as the wide wide world untouched by human hands. You are like the cool glens full of low lying bay laurel and damp leaves decaying. You are the soft spring wind and the strong fall breeze which brings new energy upon the earth in preperation for winter, and for the spring which will emerge and cyle through a new beginning for life.....you are a wonder to me for you extend out beyond the boundaires of your body, your one self enmeshed in time and space, here now, but always.....ancient yet new.....

Should I tell you that I see you like none other sees you or knows you...as if the thread of your origins has me wrapped up in it, as if spun from the same soul fiber....working my way through these ages, all this way towards our one promise, our divine need and desire and love....that if given half a chance I would bring something you have not been able to feel yet have yearned for all this time. How do I tell you that I bear this? How do I tell you that I carry something so fine, so indescribably wonderful and powerful and elegant and simple...so achingly abundant.....how do I convince you of what it is that I am? How do I do that and how do I reach you because I think I want nothing more than to breath in that one great kiss which has no end nor beginning which exists out of time and which acts like a beacon or a guide from the soulfulness of what we are to the littler parts of ourselves. When I am done unwinding will you come with your most meager of veils to wrap me and engulf me in the joy that is your heart?

I so hunger for your presence and so miss you when everything goes quiet.

Counting

I am counting the days, the hours, the minutes....
its making me crazy some, yes, but I have to have a way
that makes this seem as though things are getting closer.
So today I imagined that you had been gone for ten days
and this meant we were already beyond the halfway point.
Of course I knew better....you hadn't been gone a week yet
but in this case I know I need to find a ray in all of this.

So nine more days, the countdown continues....and I can't
concieve how I'd survive a month out of contact...I was ready
for things to go smooth but life had other things in mind.
Its perfect timing, yes, so I have to keep telling myself that....
and learn to be patient.

Divine Alignment

Riding the lawnmower, the vibrations hummed like a thousand monks in my head, chanting a mantra to induce a state of mind. The vibration was like the drums of a hundred or a thousand shaman driving my brain towards union with the spirits, to release their souls to the cosmic. I rode this messy marvel of our world into a state of communion with something inside of me which unfolded flower-like and revealed its secrets, egged on by how the brain responds to certain frequencies of vibration. I am used to doing work on such machinery-I have heard voices and music and all manner of things through the years and through the noice of these devices. The secret to me that I needed to know more than anything was that I listen carefuly to what they were about to tell me and then feel its depth charge inside of me. "Align to her" they said. "Align so completely to her that you merge....align to her vibration....to her energy....to what she is....align and do not ask any more questions than that." I asked 'why align'....my mind was all a flutter with questions. What was the purpose of this? Did she carry something critical to me....what exactly was the purpose? Was I supposed to keep my questions quiet, or was I supposed to be a flurry of questions? Or, as economical and spare as ever, did they simply say what was needed and little more?

Then I felt it more fully than I had felt it to that point. This is tricky...because each time a new breakthrough has been reached it made it seem as if what had come before was somehow less, but no..that was not entirely true or correct.....none of it was less....it was like my getting closer and closer to an ancient truth.....perhaps one which she had carried in her heart always....and one whose truth had been locked up inside of me and was now breaking free in a way it had never broken free before.....like a gradual opening, a remembering actually is how it has felt all along....and it seems like your heart has opened greatly yet each time the heart stretches to ten times its size and you look back and marvel over what you thought was possible....realizing there was some part of you that knew this all along and the small self is simply seeking to align to its inner core being and in so doing....align to her...

I don't know where it touched first, or what its edges were like. So strongly visual, this was a feeling and I had to feel around for it to understand it. What it did was it started a renewed process inside of me. It began to relate me to an ancient truth that I had ignored or forgot or simply had not touched upon. Its truth was so amazingly beautiful that when I touched upon it the first few times I had no way to understand it....let alone feel it. I had to feel it in small grabs or moments. Each time I would come back to it, revisiting a feeling that I realized I loved more than anything. Some part of me knew it would die for this. In fact, life after life was spent trying to find this over the last two millenia with just the stale scent of duality hanging on me.

Each time I touched this also did something else to me; my core self, my infinite, higher or godself would come forward. It was as if a small area was being made wherein he could come in and inhabit my space for a moment....for a special healing moment. I would die for this feeling of him present, too....but as he did so I became more and more at ease...more certain, more relaxed with myself, perhaps more at peace. I began to feel her breath as something so necessary....and I was aware of a space so broad yet so singular.....it felt like a space...cocoon-like...where she and I had spent forever in being so completely absorbed in the other, entranced by her beauty, her marvelous sense of grace and presence....somehow I had loved her since forever it seemed....and this part of my higher self I could not be aware of until healing was done. Is it possible, then, that we DO have a part of ourselves in a higher form that is our beloved.....a part of us that feel so close as to BE like our very being? Are we joined in marriages of soul? Where is this silent quiet still space that I yearn for....and why is it I feel this with her in this way? Is this something my core self is telling me...tellegraphing across the breadth of my heart, speaking perfectly of what it needs most.....and is now willing to do whatever necessary to get it?

In aligning to you I have aligned to my own divine nature. I have slowly begun to undo the lifetimes of loss and uncertainty and let-down. There is a love that is perfect for me, and now there is the opportunity to find and carry this love, to align and be aligned by it....to BECOME it. I can think of nothing higher nor nobler. I can think of no love more needed.....the lifetimes spent trudging, hoping, wishing, yet never finding.

Lets not let this moment pass without anchoring it to this world, like how a cocoon is married to the twig of a tree so it can hang until the caterpillar refigures itself into a butterfly. This is the soul of divine alignment......lets not be afraid to do what is necesary to bring it to fruition....

I need you near me. I miss you so...

Adventure

I wish I could lay down beside you tonight. I wish I could lay down and look out at the stars and breathe and remove myself for a moment, visiting an island inside of me, long enough for rest and relaxation, to know that the world is only crazy out there and that sanity exists within..

Little surprise thing happened as they did the last few days. This too is a test of sorts, a refining, a clarifying of purpose, finding my way. Grace remains constant ahead as I seek to become it. The hard part is enduring everything. Its hard to stand up for something when self righteousness is rampant. It no longer matters what the truth is when people are convinced of their position. Its a silly kind of thing, yet I participated in it. I pray for grace in order to remain in a place that is the highest possible.

I go to my prayer and ask for refinement, not fear or hurt or worry over loss. I assume that what happens now is in the highest....least for now.

I look at the moon on this night and I think how you must be looking at her, thinking of me, thinking of your goddess within. I so wish I could speak to you, but I also know there must be a purpose served in this. I just wish things didn't come at me with such ferocity.....yet they have been with the utmost perfection in their unfolding so I cannot complain.

Life is a great adventure...

Prepare

With every trial, every tribulation....it seems I come closer to you....
can you feel this?

There is much to do, to refine, to make more perfect for her, for the beloved whose spirit who has resided next to me since the beginning. I have missed her so badly in this dual world and have suffered in silence without her. But now I know the time is fast approaching and I must do everything I must in order to be ready for her. My life will arrange itself just as it should. Change will come fast, sometimes in fits and starts, and other times I may be left wondering....but if I obey and have faith I will only be a breath away from her.

It is time to prepare.....like whispering a prayer....like breath....constant....

Attentive

I have been moving through rough water as of late and it is bringing up things that I am not immediately aware of or understand.......yet there is a sense of familiar in how it all works. I may not always know what the solution is but if I step back and ask myself if I am the one to solve this problem or if its those who stand ready to assist, those legions of light, then it becomes clear I am simply engaged in something that is from an old pattern that led me to think I could solve my own problems. I cannot. Some of these issues are very old, lifetimes, and there is no way my little self can deal with them in the right way. I must remand this to my higher centers.

It is there that the answers begin to flow. I have been tied in knots for the last day. I feel as though some energy have been getting a grip on me after having taken something on in surrogate fashion. The sense has been that as I have taken this on my son has become more and more clear....free from troubling things.....I don't know if I am taking it on literaly or if he and I are tied to a similar stream of family karma as well as energy and are seeking to dissolve old shackles that have been on our family tree since the middle ages, and as a result there is some sort of compensating effect to what we are each individually going through....I do sense its very closely tied.

I thought about this and how I needed to rid myself of this tightness which he had complained of just days before. If I was taking it from him to remove it I had to remove it from myself. Walking through a parking lot at night I felt the voice of someone near me say I had to use my grace to bear this away. To understand it, to have compassion for it as well. I already know the path of grace. I have learned this and so may be called on to carry something... and I also know that the Way of Goddess is terribly important to help facilitate her movement into the world. This is part of that. But staying in grace has not been easy....but I think I am learning. There is a hopelesness tied up in this lower energy which is exactly what makes it so hard to break out of sometimes because it feels hopeless....am I feeling the collected sense that has tainted the men in my line all these generations? Have we passed down this creature generation after generation? Time to make changes in dna to lock its presence out of all possibility I think....

Feeling tight and tied up this morning upon waking, I took this as not a great sign. I thought of Goddess, thought how important she is to my very breath......and I knew that I had to align to her abundant wonder and beauty, that she alone has the power to save me by helping to bring me back to myself. My larger self is aligned already with her in such a complete and beautiful way that in doing this I am at once aligned to my greater resources as well as to her, which is a state of wonder, bliss, joy, and exquisite beauty. Once I reach that place inside of me I find that I am more receptive to other healing. I lay there asking myself what I needed to do....intending that I wanted this feeling gone from me, feeling tied up in knots. I did not push anything, I merely lay in bed content to not know the answer for the time being. In about ten minutes I felt something begin to move into my heart, and around my heart. It was a vibration that loosened up the heart center and changed my energy fundamentally. With me, if the heart center is not open properly, all the rest suffers. My centers need the heart energy which comes from my higher self. When that great love streams through then it helps to temper the root in such a way that it goes from suffering through the intensity to boldly moving through the intensity of its sexual energy in a way that is beautiful and so perfect feeling. Gentle, warm, strong, balanced, but sensitive and receptive to its larger self and the goddess which is a loving part of him and he a part of her, the masculine energy rests calmly, gently, yearning for his goddess in ever fuller states of being.
While this vibration moved through my heart center I felt the one word "Empower" come to me which I knew dealt with my son. The feeling was given, but no directions, just the vibration. I follow that vibration.....the energy itself will have a way of bringing to mind those things which need to be done and it will be perfect in its timing if it goes like it has gone already. This is the second of these transmissions in two days and I suspect they come from the father, a form of guidance in this challenging time.

So much has happened in the last few days....the timing has been so bizarre in one way, yet makes perfect sense in another. Ultimately the result is the universe telling me that it has heared my inner voice and is aligning to that sense of purpose and intent. Ultimately I know that this is something that I must honor and let take place and not mess with. I have a path to follow, a purpose to fulfill. The way to that place is continuous, akways being formed in the moment, and instead of trying to drive events I follow and events form before me in the way that needs to happen. Now that way might sound crazy to some but that's because thinking the world is meant to be controlled I am learning shows a lack of faith. Showing up with some faith seems to be the way for me....which is that I still remain engaged but surrendered.

I remember reading about a woman named Peace Pilgrim. She wrote of the process she went through where she gave up her ego and surrendered to a larger sense of purpose. As a result of this she found that she went from uncertain about what would happen next to being present in the moment and being taken care of on her walk, which lasted for years....learning to remain in this sacred stance is what I am hoping to maintain.

Surrogate

"Time to help the father who is now the son by the son who is now the father..." From three generations there is a pulling forward and back, a juggling of energetics, a surrogating of the energetics, drawing out and drawing in; taking what was too much to handle and attempting to understand it. At this level emotion becomes energetics and so a pain in the heart center is emotional pain. Being able to experience it in all of its subtlety explains a lot about what the son has had to go through, where his pain comes from and how taking it on lifts off the burden long enough for the personality and soul both to begin work. It is the cycle of pain and burden mixed with the lifting of the burden that makes it hard. The son complains of heart pain and I am reminded of how the pain body began in the heart center; it was a crushing feeling, a hurting feeling as layrs are stripped away. Tonight, though, the pain comes back: "this is what he experiences now inside of himself."

and

"Now is where you must learn to use your grace in taking this and helping healing to take place."

I very much want to feel you but something in me makes me concerned....it is time for this work to be done.....no wait....yes....yes yes yes....I see....here you come, your hand outstretched and your heart unfolding in the most....you are so beautiful....do you know how beautiful I find you? Do you know how much I need you? Here....your essence is here....in sleep certainly.....I feed on this love which is you....it is like a necessary nectar....and here you are in your opulant yet quiet way. I need to penetrate through this slight sadness...is this the melancholy? There is something sad there....and it is about the feminine. So needed....so so so needed....she is felt and known for what she is but there is something in the way.....something in the male that must be removed....healed....forgiven....and karma is tied up in this...but your presence comes in and says "don't worry; anything is possible when our divinity lets us see the folly of our actions; let the legions of light do their work!"

The father helps the son who is now the father helping the son.....and a voice says that the impulse is so strong at the soul level that it will unfold as it should...just like he says as has my healing taken place. If we just show up and let its work happen, it will happen....and we shall be like witnesses to something that is ready to take place.

"Honor the healing time."

When the energy field begins to trigger the pain body instead of the bliss body and there is a tightening in the body as well as the energy field, the answer has always been surrender. I often have the impulse that I can deal with it or somehow process it myself. The truth is I cannot. I can't. Some of these things are too large for me to deal with them in a grace-filled manner. Instead I let go and allow the larger self to deal with these things. I let go so that the infinite self can step forward. When this happens the issues are dealt with perfectly. The pain is the result of the ego thinking it can deal with the issue at hand yet it cannot. What results is experiencing the energy through a lense that distorts the energy and creates pain.

We are made so that even the most primitave parts of ourselves were developed, created, and is divinely inspired. The so-called "lower" aspects are in truth part of an expanding state of being. The so-called primative brain is designed to be harnessed in much the same way as one harnesses an oxen or fraft horse; the power is raw but its used for a divine purpose through the gateway of the heart which helps to balance the energies and eliminate any troubling energies.

Serendipity

The meaningful coincidence rides on the back of a flow which is part of our lives which exists when we make room for things to happen. Life can be a flow of these and these happen with increasing amounts during a kundalini awakening. Is something trying to flutter to life in our field? Is our soul seeking to open us to what's possible within the power of manifestation? Is it that we are on the cusp of learning to deal with energy in a different way? I think so, yes. I think that we can be....I have been so bound to my beliefs about what I can and cannot bring into my life that it hamstrung me and took a good shaking from the cosmic tree to get me to realize there was more than just my own rather provincial beliefs. Thing was, I KNEW about the power of manifestation. I was....I was afraid to embrace it I think. I think I was so afraid of opening up.....that being open was one good way of getting hurt....and yet surrendering and letting myself follow rather than being in the drivers seat has led to some substantive moves...magical almost in their perfect timing. Problem is, people see this approach as a path of innactivity or irresponsibility.....even though it works. Its like diving in and letting the current take you.

More on this later....synchronicity is calling and must heed....

So

I so love how you feel in me.I love how, if I am quiet and let go the inner chatter, you grow in me. That I even feel this feels like a great gift. I think how, when we leave all the things that we thought gave us comfort like houses and cars and computers and books and clothes and air and a job and.....that when we leave all of this for the boundless realm of our greater being and the great sky of heaven, that all we have is what we came in with yet be take with us all of those moments which were made ours by our actions in the moment. All of them, like leaves of golden sunlight, we carry inside of us. So if I leave feeling empty then I am that emptiness.....as though something was left undone, or left wanting....

I don't want to want. I want to need and be brought to a new place through that intense fiery need. I don't want to leave this place empty but full...without regret but brimming with promise and hope and joy. I feel this because I feel your presence all through me and I like it so much I will not be too proud to say just how much I need it....I need it so much I want to make This my life's work. How that happens, I don't know just yet but I feel like its already beginning to take form through my intention. Its true that I have never wanted something so much.

What We Are

Between
soft folds of flesh
and dream
liquid life
pulsing
passionate
rolling down your arm
peeling away
from heaven.
Soft nutty smell
sharp and sour
full and pulsed
bound and free.
Soft and rough
flowing and rigid
reaching across
to form the One.
Melt into me
and what we are
as I look deep into you
my gaze cracks you open
yours pulls me in.

Distant mist
sudden thunder
minute
massive
aggressive
passive
no broken circle
healed
loved
processed
surrendered
licking off dusk
between fingers
and embraces
familiar
like a distant star
encompassing
gasping
smiling
laughing
breathing
gasping more
grasping
climactic
more......
Who we are
and Where
this and more
boundaries set
rewritten
moment to moment
I trace your feminine
blissfully
the secret map of your heart
the hidden chart
of your soul
breathing you in
like ocean waves
in and out
out and in
absorbing and mixing
you
catalyzing
I need you
for this
and this
and this
oh~ and this this this this.....
my energy enters
directs gently for this one moment
this one full movement
as bliss drives upwards
like a stream
of cosmic dust and plasma
shot out
consumed
reordered
torn down
and built back up...
heavily fertile
deliciously desirous
gently confirming
warmly encompassing...

What we are is indescribable!

The Sea

(tsunami wave courtesy univ. of Oregon)

This morning I sit atop a frosty hill
the earth is locked in her wintery dream
she and her beloved move in familiar
circles all through her
chasing and ducking and moving
and keeping....
she and he whisper together that the time is coming
the world is turning
we are forging a new voice
a new heart
a new way....and
unfolding this bit of shimmering cloth
like the Maji unveiled their gifts with such reverence and love
and which holds such a great secret.....
Come, see; there is such rich beauty here.
For one moment dare to consider
that all the old arguments and worries
could vanish in this one moment
or be placed on a boat and sent out to sea.
This is the alchemy
these are some of the keys strewn with loving care
throughout all of Nature.

I return to this shore over and over
it is the place of the first kiss
where ocean meets her boundaried self of sandy beach
where ocean aches to touch her
landself
to envelope him in her calm
excited
trembling
exhale
to know deep within her waterself
that his hands will be upon her
as she slips through them
showing him the wonder of her
the shape of her beautiful intention,
and feeling the bliss of his presence,
which ennervates
and stirs
and froths
and brings to life
this ancient song
this noble yearning
this subtle turning
of lifes longing for itself...
she finds herself home within him
and herself....

We chose to be divided out
but now that division
seeks reunion
with that which was never truly seperate
on the one hand.

Is it that we were gifted with individuality
that we get so caught up in the semantics of duality?
What if we are BOTH individual AND Indivisible?
But wondering this
I turn to you
and bid you to swim through my rocky corridors
and fill me with just what you are
which is perfect in every possible way.
My thirst for you remains total
even in the midst of your great abundant
indivisibility
and fertile possibility...

If

If I sat across from you
at some dinner function
would others see
the passion
which flows so easily
would it show up like a mist
turning out and turning in through us?

Would everyone just KNOW
made aware
by our Presence
vibrating in the moment
alive in the present
and thrumming with its magic
shaking all but the unshakable awake....
or mysteriously disquieted by the depth charge
constantly going off
like frozen explosions
giving off their power
one drop at a time
achingly slow
but palpable and real.

Would I be able to keep
my foot to myself
or would I have to be touching you
would I see the starry night in your gaze
or a river rushing through you
would I want only to dive in.
WOuld my words jumble up
as I tried to talk
when something else was traveling through me
with such speed,
fresh with possibility
fertile in its very being.

Would I feel funny
or would I toss caution to the wind
would people crane their necks around
to see what train moved through the hall
and would we be the least obvious
able to slip out into the cool night
and into the woods
to drop down into the waters
and swim naked
in the moonlight
free of pretense
and caution
and full of touch
and joy.

The Flower of Our Heart

I know that there is something so sacred which connects us and whose connective likely reach out through time in subtle ways which may rise to the surface unexpectedly yet not a surprise....connected through the very fiber of our hearts, the angle of our intention, the yearning of our souls for that distant shore which is right next door....within you I know is that which I need most, a channel, a tunnel to a place of sublime being. When the world has me off balance or kilter, I find that if I can simply remind myself of where you are, I find myself in the process and find that which I need more than anything. These pearls of bliss which peel off from the godselves we are, we can wash each other with and remake ourselves as we go puzzle-like into a more complete picture. If I can look directly ahead and not to the side....they call this the middle way....if I can do that, then I am golden. Like birds feeding on the nectar of our soul, our divine being-boundless and free-our lives are transformed.

The flower in your and my heart, which makes you so beautiful, which makes me so beautiful, seeks entry into this world. It seeks to be more than just with you and with me but bound by a common vision, want, need....sacred desiring.....we both know what this is, and its alchemical fire is so needed in this world and we so need to bring this forward....but a place must be made for it, a nest in this world where the two alchemy of what you and I are can shine forth....like the bread of life which is divided endlessly yet whole.

His energy moves forward in this bliss and as he does the bliss moves up the scales....into territory that is like some electric cosmic field of pure pleasure and joy and bliss....his ability to handle this kind of energy means that our merging will be of this and more....our blending, fusion of purpose, will build this connective in a way that is simple and beautiful. How I will ever be able to live without your presence after that, I will never know...

Just This Once

Just this once let me slip my hands around your waist as the moonlight plays at courtship, slip my gaze into yours, and feel your smile speaking directly to my own as I feel the stirring of something ancient. I would move my attention over every inch of you, like hummingbirds seeking nectar; its not that I would be scrutinizing you, I simply adore anything that IS you.....ever bit of it, every scrap of it. Anything that IS you I feel the draw. My hands would be like prayerful lovers hungry yet silent in their worship, attentive, gentle, but firm and dying to live.... My attention would ask questions of you such as the depth of your passion, the width of your comprehension, the color of your compassion and the music in your eyes. I would ask it once and then ask it twice just to hear it all over again. I would chart it, draw it, make music, dance, and art from it. Trembling, I would lean forward tentatively, then certainly as I felt the slow caress of your lips against mine. I could draw this out so slow, so gently.....and as we did this, would you breath in gently and slowly, taking in my breath? And likewise, upon my exhale, would you breath my exhale into you? I think your breath would light me up and burn me down......just this once.....or twice or....

Dragonland

He rides out on his horse, sword and shield in his hand...to protect that which threatens the town, or her honor....

Truth be told, its a marvelously romantic picture and points to a deeper truth which is that the dragons we slay we don't really slay....not really. In fact, we learn to accept and harness their great power. They are the shadow, and we, as knights and warriors must learn to plow the great ocean of our being in a way that is at once honorable and one of heart. Little else matters, for without this grounding, this vision, this connectedness to our greater selves, which is tied into our grace, we are locked up inside our smaller selves, bereft of the great storehouse of tools or resources which our greater being and becoming makes possible. What drives this is love. The more we love ourselves the more capable we are of reaching into the infinite. In fact, I am quite certain that this is the only way it can be done or has ever been done.

Buried deep in our brain is a small brain nesteld inside and its a perfect mirror of the reptilian brain. In it are all the things necessary to make a reptile the great beast it is, but it makes a poor bedfellow for our mammallian brain, which extends out from that, and into the next level of our becoming. Beyond that is our ape brain, which if correct is the part that extends us out beyond our immediate responses and allows us to elevate ourselves in a sense and dream of what is beyond. This is the secret of our triadic brain, and rather than refusing that the dragon is worthwhile we assume its there for a purpose and seek to find its purpose. For myself, the dragon in me is offering me a gift which is to teach me how to harness its power for good. That I am still fiddling with the harness shows me I have more work to do.

Walk with me.....I once was told about a dream a man had over and over. He would be pursued by werewolves. This dream haunted him, scared him...and would return over and over....one night as he stood there, pursued once again by these beasts, they got close to him. A while group of them had run him down and now, quite possibly, the unthinkable was going to happen. He stared into the eyes of the head wolf and as he did so he could see his own reflection in the eyes of the werewolf. What he saw was that he was also a werewolf. He stood there, amazed, and tranformed; his grimace was transformed into a smile as he and the werewolves took off running through the hills howling and having the greatest time. In effect he mastered his fear, and instead of obliterating it, he made it his ally. The zen masters speak of the great light also casting a great shadow, and so perhaps the difference is that for those who move forward in this, its that they don't mind that the shadow is there.

Unified, not repressed, utilized, not used.

Meanwhile the strain in the energetics creates a strain in the physical. Second chakra is getting it just now in a way it has never before, and I understand how dis-ease in ones energy field could manifest as disease in the body over time. This feels so physical yet I know it has its genesis in the straining of the energetics....this one feels like it goes deeper.....and it feels as if it has less reason or reasonableness about it. It generates a feeling of frustration, of pent up energy which is not flowing right. I keep trying to bring in the universal enery and as it does the sharpness eases, things soften, and begin to flow....but keeping it is hard. I feel like sleeping a lot, perhaps for a month. But I am sure that its something old that simply needs to be seen for what it is, forgiven, or healed, and sent on its way. It sure has a way of interupting the flow within, this is for sure. I feel as if my voice is muffled.....okay, so we give this one the attention it deserves....perhaps it needs to feel as if its been heard....but who knows what this thing is....what I am sure of is that if I ask I will eventually bump up against what it is that it is....

Maybe my knight in shining armor self can carry this stuff out beyond the edge of the kingdom and set it free......

Body Wisdom

This world emerged from dream I think. It emerged just as dreams do, coming into focus until it resolves into forms which follow a certain design or inner logic which I think has little to do with what WE think of as logic.... Consciousness divided down to its smallest part turned itself inside out and made itself anew; it was nothing short of a master stroke, a genius, a creation that involved creating qualities which were based on the template of the soul but in physical form. While the physical had not existed before in totality this was outside of time so the answer lay simply before those who sought to cocreate and join in this marvelous drama or story.....
the playbook was provided but there were no words, only boundless potential, perhaps scores of blueprints but uncertainty about how it might all play out. Every actor and actress made their part spring to life in a convincing way. Some got lost in the part for a time, we all ultimately exit the stage.

But out of this has come our bodies and the rich cluster of behaviors which psychologists and scientists have sought to take apart as if they could take apart a butterfly and know why it lives when that approach would only ever provide a HOW and nothing more. So much has gotten away from us, or we from it....that was made to operate naturally and perfectly. We actually need touch or we will die as infants. Our bodies need this as do our minds and hearts and souls. We NEED it, and the body is the first to recieve it and transmit a fascimile of it through neural pathways as it moves through our whole body, sometimes altering our chemistry in the process. Our bodies were made to register the things that move through it, even a subtle breeze of spirit with no enzymes or hormone or pheremones or other things carried on the wind.

As my native self 140 years ago I roamed the land freely and lived a life that was amazing in scope compared to now. This freedom was the last true taste of it for a while in the way that it was then. I was considered a savage by most civilized measures. We did not have the same tools or weapons, did not show refinement as others would define it. We were simple and lived closer to the earth and sky. This in turn related us to our deeper nature I think. There was no shame in our physicality,sexuality, or our passions. They burned in us like council fires, prairie fires, sacred fires. We were each individually sovereign. If we looked fierce it was because our hearts and souls were free. Today it seems freedom cannot be allowed to move freely through the world, as if we are afraid of letting that part of us move openly and grandly, as if we do not trust something about it. We cannot be trusted with such freedom. Maybe we just don't yet know how to handle it in a good way.

I think our bodies yearn to move like rivers move, to sense and experience the freedom of grass underfoot and the wind blowing over us. Certainly it can feel this and know this at intimate levels.... Our bodies yearn to be wild and free again....running like gazelle or bending like sedge grass, never once having to worry about the constricting notions we have grown up with, that have become like bottlenecks or tight spots in our world and cultures. Isn't there a middle path one built on reverance but that is honest and listens to what our insides are saying? Somewhere there took root this idea that life here was corrupted, that the body itself was imperfect, dirty, or bad. How could that be? And for what purpose would it be corrupted? What purpose would it serve? We invented duality and took on its methods and means. Inside of us we had the whole ready to be healed and brought forward. This wholeness would allow for us to find that place inside which would in turn find the beloved....inside of us are the keys to our own liberation. By doing this the right way we bring to ourselves and expanding sense of self which we embark on.........and its not found through methods....although you might find yourself creating a method that gets you there....but its not what someone has lain before you and that endless experts all agree is THE way of going. Why, its IN us, so native to our being that it blows like the wind blows, caressing us like the air caresses us....its always there and we simply have to make that turn inside that will awaken us to it.....enough to realize it was there all along. It was just that WE had been preoccupied with all manner of restrictive thoughts. Listen to the wisdom of the body, let its secrets come tumbling out, listen to your impulses, and always seek the best in yourself and always choose the good....for if we begin following someone's method then its possible that we get caught up in the things they needed in order to get to a place....and those things may not serve us. Its so simple it only seems complicated and yet how do you describe it or locate it with words? I think its about trust; trust that in you is the answer and that if you simply begin to say you want to find the answer that indeed you will. In your own time you will find the answer. Does it mean yo find it tomorrow? Perhaps. Perhaps it takes longer, maybe something in your knows that there is something there but it has a journey to make....and you can't put the cart before the horse? We might not know what it is exactly we will find but it will always be ours.

Being settled in our own sensual natures is the start I think.....

Be With Me

Be with me
I need you alone
so alone....
I do not want to see any color
or light
or feel any heat or cold
save for what comes from you.
I want my world to wrap iself around
and through you.
No, more;
I want to feel myself hooked into you
flowing through you
nonstop
building through intention
awakening through miracle
and feeling ever greater ranges of bliss
and love.
We could be like dragonflies
which move connected
while sharing the gifts
of abundance and new life
so blissful even they
don't want it to end....
I want to feel nothing else
I want to feel and see
and hear nothing else but you...
because the entirety of you
is incredible bliss....
just feeling you
brings me wonder
and joy
and boundless sensuality
a passion that is singular
and focused....
I don't want anything to distract
or compete....
I want to see through your being
and see the world that way
because something in me so wants it
craves it
wants to make that the supreme reality.

So I follow my impulses
I ask them for their secrets
and they do not hold back.
They are innocent and true
so much so I am left trying to figure out
how their path can be plopped down into
my own so that I can take that new road
as I must surely do.

You make me come alive in ways I could scarcely dream
and I now know how could I have not dreampt of it?
I think I certainly yearned for it
for forever and a day....
I need your love....how with its simple
gestures of being and radiance
I feel healed by it.
Its so wonderful to feel....
like a fire
a calming stream or ocean or sea.....
a nurturer of life in all its form....
so lush and verdant in its giving
no end to it
it only grows more beautiful
in proportion to its goddessness flowing through.
So necessary
so needed
so sacred
so divine.
I am so glad that you are you.

With Her Goddess

I am in love with her goddess....
all of her really....
but her infinite self
turns inside of me
as if she were me
bids my petals to turn
in rhythmic gestures
creating new energy
new life
cosmic coitus
for the making of more of us.

I am in love with the goddess of you
which IS what you are
in this quiet little moment
its just that when I feel you
the air shares its secrets
the world offers itself up
ripe and becoming
wanton and desirous
suddenly alive in its true
physical nature
melting like honey
running like wax
letting oceans pour out and through
as we awaken to the forgotten edges and realms
of our being
which brings us right back here
on this couch
with the sunlight streaming in
and the magazine turned upside down
and the world gently kareening
perhaps a bit on its side
but luscious
and alive
and begging to be taken
to that place
inside of her
inside of him
and residing in all of nature.

Kiss me and let your lips travel through me
like red fish for platelets
let me feel your lush world
on concievability
coursing all through me.
I cannot begin to even hint
how much I need this.....
for I AM This.

Come, take my hand....
I would love you as you wish
as lightly or as fervently as you would desire
I would read you like some sacred text
knowing your contents
and sensitive to the intensity place behind my touch.
I'd be happy to just count the stars with you
if that were all that was wanted or required
but I'd want to do the counting with you
as you turn and smile at me as we get only
partway done with a look of irony on your face.
I'd pretend in that moment that I pulled you near
and gazed into your eyes for a moment
soaking you up beaming you in
and touching your lips
like a solemn vow
which seeks more of itself
yet holds itself back
as the flood builds behind the
carefully formed walls.
Desire builds like a heavy rich sauce
as we sniff and smell its heady aroma
and know at some point
the feast will be ready.

I am in love with her goddess,
so full in its watermoon
so rish in its possibility
something she needs from me
which is a gift to myself
a gift to her
just as her gift is for herself
but to me all at the same time.
This calls the mists to part
and a new world opens...

The Wisdom Of The Body

"Nature is imbued with the keys to your greater becoming"
they said.

I wondered about it as I could feel as if on some molecular level this were true,
that the keys were all through our world here. This being a radiation of consciousness, of being, this world or reality, then it follows that what made our souls individual also was involved in making or constructing this world....

We have eschewed the body for so long, and have been pitted against nature in a kind of duel to the death. Nature was something to be subdued, feared. We are beginning to see nature for what she is and as we do that we get closer to the keys.

Our bodies were made perfectly. We are not some dirty lot here on earth as some religions would have us believe. Our nature is divinely concieved and has a wisdom that sometimes utterly escapes us. Its when we revel in its sensual qualities that we are able to see hints of what it is capable of showing us of our larger natures.

Our bodies are reflections in a manner of our soulself. Its qualities are qualities made physical which the soul posesses and which needs in order to express itself. We are two halves of a whole, symetrical....and we are designed to create new life. We also have impulses which are themselves divinely inspired which we have very often handled poorly. These impulses lead us to where we need to go....yet we have spent thousands of years trying to sublimate them, to hide or change them, or fight against them. Anytime you try to wrestle with yourself you will likely wind up getting into a conflict. And who really wants that?

We are afraid of our nature, I think that is what it is. Instead of being able to embrace it, we looked warily askance at it and held it at arm's length and proclaimed it to be bad. It wasn't that it was bad but that it had a potency and the ability to lead the individual into realms of experience that are vivid and divine and sometimes when unrefined, we can even fear the true light.

The body has its own consciousness and wisdom. Letting the body speak and express itself is the way to surrender and discovering what great riches it has in store for us.

His Presence

This is a work in progress....

"How do I bring you in?"
"You just let me in."

With that he came in. He explained that when here he calls you....through me....he fills me with what he is and this is incredible.....he says move over let me explain...

When I inhabit you, the world begins to bloom. Every particle of being awakens to its godself. Everything that IS has its godself....its higher vibration.I see this. I feel this. It becomes this in my awareness, or I see it in its multidunious being. EVERYTHING moves into broader realms of being. In this world this is one of endless manifestations of Spirit, of Radiance. It is one petal on a larger flower of your unfolding being. So in your body, you become a goddess, swimming with endless worlds of goddessness bursting at the seams and as I breathe over these worlds and give them this lifegiving breath, so do they give me their own form of breath and this is how it goes. Every particle interconnected, bound to a higher world of being, an aspect of you. The very nature of consciousness is to create more of itself. It is endlessly fertile and alive and boundless in its creativity. But in you

my beloved watermoon

is a world which I cherish. My breath would penetrate through your skin, through every cell and circuit, every capilary and void.....and as this happens like an ocean tide I would soak you into me. I could then kiss you from the inside for I would send endless particles of me through you vibrating at the velocity of bliss. This can be experienced as a presence which builds....all of life leans into this, something every single thing will pass through regardless of who or what or why. Fullfilment expressed in this quiet beautiful way that is a world endless, boundless, moving upwards like some endless spiraling.....and I look to you and smile
as we begin....

So every concievable inch of you I would cherish....bodily, energetically, bounded and unbounded I would wish I could move through every inch of you, slow and careful, gentle yet certain. Cast away shame it no longer serves you. Let me in more fully.
Just let me in and I will show you how love will always find its way and its answer to itself.

This is so beautiful he says. I reply "they are your words"
"spoken so well....how do you do it?"
"I just let you in...."
She will like it
She will like it better when the reflection of the moon floats upon its surface
and she can feel us breathing in unison
ready like monks to prayer
knowing we will turn into the other
meeting in this sacred space
ready to jump into her boundless ocean,
her lush world of bliss
of her wonder
and joy.

I say I am so enamored of her
"She is the only thing for you....and when you realize this nothing else matters....everything else falls into place, everything finds its order quietly, no struggle....because this is how it must be, and its own sense of harmony becomes so important, so necessary.....it brings all manner of gifts as inside we unfold perfectly.She comes first, all else follows."

"How is it that this came to be this way?"
"Its always been. When you stand in its presence, fully, you will feel it, know it....and all questioning simply stops and knowing begins and being takes shape....so gently draw yourself into its truth, its beauty, its peace and joy....its your one gift to yourself, and to her, that makes the most sense. If you follow its natural order you will begin to understand that this is how it must be....worlds will flow from this....do flow from this....and you will feel its powerful fecundity, the passion and wonder bound up in it. It will transform you if you just let it in."

With Wings

I stepped into my shower
but my foot landed on stones
my body transported it seemed
into nature
I bowed my head as the water poured down
and so did your gaze
I could feel
it was not beloved
it was you
that interesting mix of qualities
but mostly this calm certainty
and allegiance.

I asked "what do you see"
and intuited that you
felt that which had to go
I felt....
a sternness almost
in your gaze
but it was without judgement
it was so simple really; you
needed to see into me without flaw.
You stood beside him
or some aspect of you
a witness
I was not afraid
to let you see me
in my imperfection
I know it has to be this way
because I yearn more than anything
for you to gaze deep into me
like a mirror to my soul
divinely coupled...

I felt like I might be tied to the whipping post
but you lifted yourself up
you hovered over me
and wings began to beat over me
as I felt wave after wave go through my body
I asked what this was
you showed me in my mind
smal bits of paper
confetti almost.
I didn't quite get it.
You tried again as I saw these pieces
falling away from me
and everything felt extremely quiet
as I stood
a tree
with not a single leaf on my limbs,
they had been blown away.
"You must be as naked as that tree is
to be ready for her. Every leaf of your
former being must be blown away
so nothing from the old gets in the way
of the new.
It must be this way because when you touch
that touch must be perfect
it cannot stand to have the slightest thing
in its way
its so strong it needs a perfect path
and your limbs ache to feel her in this way.
You know this is so
for your love demands it
needs it
will become it
in you both."

Your wings beat and I could feel a pulse of light in me
the sound of something in the distance
like wings beating
and all through me this rhythmic beating
blowing away the debris of my life
you explained this prepares me somehow
these deep pulses that go all through me
reminding me of what I am
who I am
how I am
and what must not remain
what does not serve This.

You stand silent
yet I feel such compassion
and yearning
quiet expectation
but an obedience
a stillness
and a beauty
like I have never seen.
I so yearn for your touch
I so yearn for it, I do...

All through my this pulsing
goes on
and I bow my head
and accept
what this must be.
I return to earth and the bathroom
surround
and feel his presence and yours
move off
for now
until the magic works its way
through me
and seeds me
with desire so powerful
that I strip myself down
removing more and more layers
more things
more leaves
more confetti
more
more
more.

So when I touch you
I touch you with all of me
present
accounted for
the part you remember
the part I badly need to recall
the touch I so yearn for
I do.
I do...

The Kiss 2

When I feel this kiss move through me it arouses every element implicated in this. I feel a magnetic quality inside of me equal to my surrender. This awakens the energetics and drives yearning but also the chakra system with subtle and not so subtle eddies and currents moving through me like bright rivers of light and bliss. It is here I can feel you all through me and the only thing I want is for us to dive deeper...deeper still. Let us go until there is no deeper place....perhaps its not possible...

I can feel the yearning in my breath, my lungs, also in my heart. I know my heart yearns to know itself as One with its other side, its other self. It swims in you as you swim in it....we are droplets in a vast ocean of Us and we remain seperately individual but part of a common lineage, capable and yearning deeply for union for not just union but fusion of purpose and being. Lets remember this state soon....I think it is pure bliss....nothing as wonderful as this....so sought after....our minds becoming like one ray of light, intention.

Intention does it as does imagination and belief. Its the very stuff that puts us there, isn't it. Its not that its ephemeral....but that its so durable that it transcends all other forms put before it. Lets listen to our souls and let in innocence that part of us to come forward....

There is an amazing intensity in you, a powerful magnetic drawing of me into you. It seeks that force which will draw out something in itself....through a dance as old as time...mirroring, awakening in a way...aspects of me levels of me I was not able to access before. I think there was a reason for it....you are uncovering me....your essence helps to uncover what I am....extends my vision into myself as well as into you. This does this.

I want to envelope you in this love.....I think it is big enough to do that, to envelope all that you ahve been and shall be in this great expanding Now, a Present that extends into all times, all frames, all scales of time and depths of space. At the heart of this is the potential to expand outward into that which is already there, beyond the strictures of time as This allows us a view beyond those strictures which were never reall strictures lest we needed them to be, to frame our experience and give it relevance for the time being. Perhaps it is time for us to understand time for what it truly is....and in so doing begin to understand what we are in the process.....there is this feeling I once had that contacting ones higher self, a future self might be like cheating....but in fact I think its the path forward because allowing ourselves to remain enmeshed in the strictures of time is like saying gravity will always keep our feet planted, why ever bother to try flying?

If you would join me in this prayerfulness, this intention, this angle of desiring and wish.....if like children we could be innocent but unleashed we might find the new path which lays at the center of our being and bring to focus that which so badly needs to be. What this looks like....how it feels....all I know is its about breaking the prior bonds or shackles.....isn't it? The willingness to just breathe it in and say "yes" to it.

I think my love can envelope the entirety of your life....not like swallowing you whole, no, but enveloping you......all of you....I am aware of some part of me being able to do this. Touching on this part is what advances me....feeling into how wonderful this love is helps me understand why my godself explained...has been explaining for a while now how things must be.....through alignment, through service, singularity, fusion of purpose, and an enveloping quality which has the capacity to take you in your entirety....all of it....without reservation or judgement or reciprocation. He loves your soul that much and knows you in endless forms and knows you in still more endless ones beyond this point. Your essence he loves....its beyond measure....its like it IS him and he cherishes your core self....your infinite essence so much and yet....he needs this essence so much somehow...like at the core of all of my being....lives taken up in this....within those is the essence of something which has been alive and full with this purpose.

I don't pretend to know how it all goes but I know I align to my purpose through you somehow....and that this kiss which is part of union, of setting up a specific heart-centered flow is important for healing and driving this forward. The kiss is like breath....the kiss is life. Deeper and deeper into your essence I go, revealing and waking it up....just as you wake me up. Something perhaps about what you are, what I am.....which does this so naturally.

I probably sound a little silly.....in a way I am new to this but in another way I am not. I know this has been a large part of your life.....and what I recognize is that there was always something there.....a feeling of another part of me....when young this was so innocent....and as I got older I learned more but was not as innocent. I now find I am returning to that innocence as the way forward. Instead of trying to shape and move this something deeper in me moves. Its not always easy and I do my very best to let that which yearns deepest and most completely to come forward because he is already there, already in union...and seeks to bring this lonely pilgrim into the fold, gathering his gold and planting seeds in space/time. Its all I want to do, all I want to serve, all I want to be. How can I serve this more? How can I assist you....give you the gift of yourself....to reveal just how beautiful you are inside.....just by looking and gazing forever into you....this gaze which is like a deep engaged flow of my essence into yours....as we recombine and flow together....