I grew up with a thorn in my side. There was something that I KNEW had been hidden, but I didn’t know WHAT. Over the many years I have had reason to look back on this sense and where it came from. It always involved religion, most specifically Christianity. I know enough about myself now to know with certainty that this was something left over from some other time, some other life. It felt like unfinished business. I have had a firm feeling since small that I was here to help do something about our sense of ourselves as spiritual beings….and my inner senses tell me it is about setting the record straight once and for all about the nature of our being. People I have talked to have often said “So what if there is material missing in the Bible, Parker, its still a very good manual on how to be a better person!” To this I say how would you feel if someone left out one of the most important parts to that manual, one that could actually keep you from reaching your fullest potential here on the planet? Over time I have realized, it isn’t like this information can be kept from us for long, but in the case of Christianity, they did a darned good job of it for the last two thousand years.
Everyone loves a mystery…..
When I went through the first part of my awakening, when kundalini began to pour through my body and awareness, I was VERY aware of what it was doing to me. The intelligent energy that is life force (which is all kundalini really is….but its in abundance…which means that you become more keenly aware of how AWARE this energy is). The most obvious thing that was happening was how aware I was of the three currents of energy that were interacting in my field. I could feel kundalini….two currents of energy….and when kundalini danced, when it merged and took part in that most ancient of dances within me (the dance of the masculine and feminine) I became aware that when the closer these two elements came together, the more energy was generated from them. It was orgasmic. It was bliss. The more I stopped needing to know and simply let them play through me, the stronger it got. It was surrendering to it. It was allowing myself to be seduced by it.
In the beginning there was some fear….what was this presence doing inside of me? Was I being taken over by something? My ego had some trouble with it, but bit by bit I learned to trust that this powerful force, like a force of nature, had only the best intentions. It was like a lover who was simply asking me to let go, to stop needing to know how it would all turn out, to trust in something I could not see touch or taste. It was an act of faith. It was turning away from the fear of the past to the promise of something still more. I also found that there was so much energy that I could not keep up with it. I later learned to begin utilizing this energy to fuel my creative work. It was a driving force, undifferentiated, like fuel is simply FUEL and we can go to the grocery store with it or go to the moon, your choice. In the process its very energy began to cleanse and burn through the knots in my creative life, in every aspect that it touched! This stuff was magic! So important, so central was this dance, this interaction felt to me, I began to understand our lives here in a whole new way.
When these two aspects of the divine touched, they created a third energy, and this energy was limitless and profound. It was like unlocking a great vault, revealing a wonderful juicy secret of our being. I was being asked to no longer be merely masculine. I was being asked, bidden, seduced even, to come see what the real cosmic consciousness was all about, and this is where what I observed all without the benefit of books or practices or teachers showed me, emerged as a kind of very simple art and science of the soul.
I also later found hidden texts buried in the Christian tradition that had not seen the light of day for almost two thousand years. In fact, some of these documents only emerged because of a very lucky find by a local shepherd in Nag Hammadi Egypt. So much wrestling over what Jesus had tried to say, and yet some of these texts, untouched by anyone transcribing or trying to translate them, revealled that what was being discussed was how one Awakened, that the Ressurection was something that had to do with something that happened WHILE you were alive, and there was so much missunderstanding about it that I highly suspect that the idea was used for the purposes of a select few who weren’t interested in spiritual awakening or ressurection, but in some idea passed down by a long-dead prophet that would catapult the Hebrew faith into the stratosphere after having a god-man come back to life. Clearly, they were talking about the same science and art of the soul, that when the two poles of the psyche are allowed to merge, something explosive results.
Unlike the conceptualizations made by much later followers, this was a passionate merging with the divine that wasn’t “pure” or full of grace. Its higher regions were achieved through grace, but this was a very hearty and powerful force, like lightening and gravity and volcanoes. This wasn’t about angels singing in some heavenly choir; this was how we reached the higher ranges of creative expression, the very embodiment of our essence as creative beings! We were born of a royal lineage, ALL of us, and this lineage was instigated through a passionate act of creation, and this urge to create has echoed down through our dna and our souls and hearts ever since. We ARE this force, and it is us….and this experience was whispering to me that it was all about the dance of these type archetypal images or forces in me. I had to learn to give up any funny feelings about it in order to allow these two forms to merge fully within myself. This was the dance of Shakti and Siva, this was the Thunder beings shooting down to the earth, filling Mother Earth with the lifegiving rain and invigorating lightening and thunder…these forms exist in larger scales in our consciousness because they exist in our higher beings……just as these forces exist throughout the entirety of the multiverse!
I had been on a spiritual search, and always felt the answer was within, but I later learned I really hadn’t gotten very far because my mind and ego were so involved that it had blocked my entry into its deeper mysteries. Here I was, there were no books, no writings, no articles, but this great and abiding Presence moving through me and what it was showing me was simple, basic, and interconnected. It was, and is, the very ESSENCE of connection. Everything was amazingly direct and powerful. The lights had been turned on. I leaned forward into its incredible power and flow and it took me into a world that swirled around me and showed me the basis for all form, for all life, for all things.
I was shown how everything was connected, that it was through a particle/wave relationship that extends through every single scale of existence. This energy poured through me and using my imagination as the gateway, it showed me how the dance of the masculine and feminine gave birth to worlds. The product of their union was an incredible awareness, a “child” of their dance, it was a triadic form of creation. This, I was shown, was how ALL creation took place. It was no mistake that we in our human form gave birth to new life through the union of the feminine and masculine. Further, these two were designed to work seamlessly and effortlessly. Somehow, we had mucked things up a good bit here where the masculine sought to control and the feminine had been sidelined in so many ways! It was apparent to me that if we could reflect the need for both within our OWN selves, that we would begin -person by person- to reflect this interconnectedness of these two aspects in ourselves. Just as the individual needed both, so did the world need both as an expression of itself.
The world, I saw, was like a person, made up of countless forms of life, all living like a cell in a still larger body…all set up for a cooperative venture. The body, though, just like the planet and each cell within the world of human awareness, was kind of sick. Bearing the burden of thousands of years of negative karma, it had grown sick. Our world was a perfect reflection of what was happening on the inside of each of us. Industry reflected a very masculine idea of how to USE the world, the earth, the female, in getting what it felt it needed in order to create. Things had ceased being a cooperative venture. We had become alienated from nature, from the feminine, and we both grew distrustful of the other even as we were inextricably drawn to the other. So here we had been, reflecting on larger scales what was a perfect mirror in all of us. Still drawn to each other, still needing the other for its creative pursuits, but creating through a broken karmic fracture….and through that fracture, that hurt and trauma, we could not glimpse the clearer and more beautiful and entirely majestic potential tied up within these two parts of us. Letting go of that fractured part, that broken lens that we have used for so long to see the world, was an important step in seeing and feeling more clearly.
How could we glimpse divine reality if the means of perceiving it were actually serving to distort things? The mind does its own stuff to perception. Ego does its own thing to our perceptions. Our beliefs, our hurts, our prejudices that went unobserved or examined, all play into this as we climb that ladder higher and higher. So much of what kundalini did was to stir the pot of the psyche, to loosen those old hard encrustations so they could fall away, little hurts that only clouded perception, traumas that served to bend our awareness and FEELING. Once they dropped away, the hurt resolved into joy, bliss, brilliance. Then, like an onion, the energy would then work like a drill to get at still deeper depths, deeper layers. All along, by keeping the two poles of the psyche together instead of apart, the bliss would roll onward and the self would want and crave ever greater levels of surrender, awakening to its beloved within…
I love you. And I am sorry. I am sorry that this all took place, that we did what we did to each other. But here we have a chance to wipe the slate clean and start over. It means that I have to set aside my need to say how you hurt me, and how important that hurt was over your own. And in the same way, you too must set aside your hurt through a tremendous act of Grace whereby you can see that the way of going forward without your burden will free up your divine potential so that we create in ridiculously wonderful ways….I mean, once you glimpse it, you just would not believe. But we can’t go forward by dragging the old dead horses of our past into this future. Its just wont work. Leave it be, and let it go. I remind myself to do this all the time. Some of our hurts are habitual….and we don’t even realize it! The way to be happy is to BE happy. Its not a destination or a process, it just is. Everything else that does not align will eventually fall away. For as much as I have sometimes wanted to KNOW what was at work, I know that these old things go because they are no longer needed. If something falls off your apple cart that no longer serves you, to what purpose is stopping to see what it was that fell serve you? If it fell away, it no longer had a purpose in your being. Allowing your habituation to that old hurt move you to go pick it back up doesn’t serve the resurrection.
We need to breathe the fresh new air of what this new world represents. Its not pie in the sky, I promise. But as long as we drag the old stuff in, it will clutter and energize those old memes such that they remain active. Then you will only think about how my kind hurt your kind, all the while not realizing we ARE the same kind! You, in your feminine will say you were the one hurt and turn away. I, in my masculine will say how I was hurt, and will turn away. And while turned away from each other, will be drawn or pushed away from the other not through the divine, but through the karmic. We will be drawn because of the Law of Attraction. And we will simply put forward what has been what our past has been all about. These karmas actually act as a cell in you and have their own life in you and will grow all through you until the only way to get them out is to pluck them root and all. How that is done so utterly escapes people because of how simple it it. Mind and ego will tell you its hard, but its not. Just consider that things can be better for all of us, and I promise you, THAT will have more effect than you could ever realize. By realizing that its all about these two pulses of life, that they are the ESSENCE of both Being and becoming more awake, and healing, you can simply recognize that what is happening to you is natural and perfect. The masculine moves into the feminine. The feminine takes from the male and the male gives up some part of himself. He lets go, surrenders to Her incredible bliss, and here the fracture in the self is made whole. This was what they intended to teach, WERE teaching so long ago. It has surfaced in various forms throughout the planet. Its not an ism based thing, it s a HUMAN thing!
“Whoah! The religious types sure are going to have a problem with this one!” I thought.
I came to realize that this Divine Third, as I began referring to it, MUST be the Christ Consciousness (but forget what the books would have you to know how you get there or what its all about). It was also, by extension, all of the forms used in other traditions to describe it. Maybe this was Krishna Consciousness. Perhaps this was what Buddha felt streaming through him, surrounded in a sea of bliss. Because I had spent years not reading up on other traditions (now I understand why this impulse was so strong in me….I had to begin to experience it directly before I began the process of looking to see what the old stuff had to say), I really didn’t know that much about the specifics of these other traditions (and in many ways I still don’t). I had some general knowledge, but I just never paid that much attention. I had to assume, though, that this was spread throughout all of humankind. This was a very human thing.
It was clear that in Christianity there was a triad, but this was always expressed as a kind of exclusive boys club. The Holy Ghost was a total mystery. It was a GHOST! I found myself reading the words of a man who had left the seminary after he began to see what he felt was an effort to massage the truth. He was very much into translating documents, and he knew both Latin and Greek. He read how scholars would disagree about the meaning of one word, and he also saw how the very basis of Canon in the church was tweeked by how these singular words were translated. The gist of a passage and a whole teaching could be colored by how that one word was interpreted. He wondered aloud if the doctrine of repentance wasn’t itself merely Jesus’s insistance that we learn to think differently. He went into the language stuff and immediately I felt intuitively that he was right. My kundalini senses were going off the chart. I followed where it led me and it ended up with some documents that came out of the Egyptian desert of a place near Nag Hammadi. Most of them were hard to read. I skimmed. But then I came to a document called the Gospel of Thomas.
It turned out that I wrote something a year prior when kundalini was just getting underway in me. In it, I spoke of the dance of creation, how ALL of life was bound up in this passionate bliss of recreation, and how the simplest of life forms are motivated by this bliss to create anew. In it I wrote how my smile becomes your smile, how my eye becomes your eye, how our bodies and awareness merge into a singularity of purpose that is the very essence of creation. At the time it felt like a very original way of creating imagery visually, and in a way that brought some sense to what it was I was feeling, of how desire actually is the creative impulse seeking expression…and this was true both on a sexual level as well as a spiritual one. When I read Thomas, he quotes Jesus as saying that the left hand becomes the right, and the right hand becomes the left, the man becomes the woman, and the woman becomes the man. Instantly I knew that this was the process of integrating these aspects in the self in order that awakening could continue and unfold. And it was being described in an identical way. Perfect.
Then, much later, I found the Gospel of Philip. Much of the language was hard to get around. A lot of it didn’t spark anything in me. Kundalini would rest silent until I read a few lines where he said that those who say Mary begot with with the Holy Ghost were in error. “Why would a woman beget with a woman?” No, he insisted, these people were in error. It was a big and very obvious point that I didn’t get right away. But kundalini was shouting at the roof tops in its wordless way, waiving its arms as if to say there was something there that was very important. So I kept at it, not completely sure what this as yet unresolved issue was (I must be kind of thick for not getting it). It took reading the work of Bart Ehrman in his book “Jesus Interrupted” in order for me to get it. It was so simple. Why didn’t I get it? Philip was saying that the Holy Ghost was the feminine aspect of the divine, and a woman does not create with another woman. So simple; this was not how it worked!
The dance of masculine and feminine, in order to create new life, involves the energy of both sides of consciousness. Here was a highly symbolized language where a teacher of ours was cast in the role of the child, the product of this deeper mystery which was the masculine and feminine. It felt as though we had created a real life event out of our deeper spirit stuff. The Logos was being projected upon the screen of human events in order to reflect back to us a deeper truth, or element, in our inner workings. Or had it simply been manufactured as that, a clever way to inject this information so that it would stick in our teachings so we would not forget? Whatever the case, the Church, when it was formed 300 years after the death of its chief teacher, would do everything it could to sweep one of its most important aspects to understanding the mysteries under the rug.
So the manual as written expresses the wrongful notion that the way to the Light is by way of a male-only club where only by the son and father can one know the kingdom. Well, that was what this thorn in my side was all about. Once I was able to clarify the picture for my conscious self, the urgency concerning something having been hidden began to soften and fall away. After all this time, I had found it. It is though the cooperative dance of the woman in each of us and the man in each of us that we find the essence of the kingdom; creative energy. Through the orgasmic spark of their union, we create the Sacred Third. None of these exist separately, though. They do not wait upon the other, they are part of each other. I can feel them existing simultaneously together, not the result of one coming into the other, then the other birthing…no, instantly each would give rise to something more instantly and THIS energy would unfold within us in an entirely magical way, serving to show us the way, a simple path of beauty and truth instead of hurt and pain and recrimination. Only in duality do they seem to be separate. It all made sense.
In the Apocalypse of Peter, the author called the early church followers “dry canals,” they had become bereft of any understanding of the deeper mystery and spirit that the Christ dwelled within. not in some realm away from us with his father, but something that I will take one step further and say is not simply an objective being but is a fundamental force of consciousness that its more like wind or our heart beating. Its who we are. Women have this….but its not sexual….there is a feminine Christ and masculine one. Once we have it, we don’t even need to give it a name. We can divorce it from the tradition that sought to keep it secret for so long, hiding it perhaps out of their own damned ignorance. When we flash that divine masculine and feminine in us, the world takes notice. It is so beautiful people will drop what they are doing to pay attention to it. We all crave this, a long lost traveler in our souls and hearts finally coming home (actually it was always there…we were like the angry teens that refused to see what was in front of our noses all the time)….
I knew that without the awareness of the importance of the feminine, the whole process was short circuited! Look at how every lofty religions sough to treat its women! Even the Hindu traditions sideline women. If y9ou doubt me, look at how Shakti is treated in the divine dance of kundalini. It is she who is the “raw” energy that must travel up the spine to meet her lover who sits in perfected repose in the crown! What utter bullshit! Shakti and Siva, if you want to call them that, travel together! And that gurus and yogis all these centuries turned a blind eye to this truth in their own bodies will tell you the degree to which they were themselves infected with the hurt and pain and need to exert control and continue the errors of the past! I am here to shake out the chaff of dry leaves so that you may know the fruit lying in the branches. The degree to which we see the female as beneath us in spirit will be the degree to which we treat her the same way in the world. Shakti was not treated as the equal. In Christianity, woman is kind of an afterthought in a way, and a rib was taken to make her. Really? Not a piece of Adam’s heart? Not a part of his very soul? Why not that? Maybe a little prefrontal lobe? Please folks, look at your traditions and see what they are reflecting back to you! Even Philip in his hidden gsopel (Nag Hammadi) cautioned how creating an image could effect how the concept in which it is enshrined could effect it. None of this is anything we can truly give form to, even though we try. Perhaps it is one reason why there are so many allusions, metaphors and descriptions, all knowingly NOT the thing being described, but describe AROUND it. Even the concept of the chakras, with their very eastern artistic effects are only themselves an image. The reality is that they are far more than any image or description could ever communicate. This is most certainly something we must FEEL for in intellectualizing and mentalizing it, we are left with a corpse. It might be a delicious one, but in the end it is only that. Here we are faced with our deeper selves, our Essential Being, the powerful currents of our higher being bubbling up from the depths! Embrace it! Listening to it, quietly, let it teach you what it most certainly can! the degree to which we insert our own biases and ideas is the degree to which we lose sight of the precious wonder of the EXPERIENCE! I promise you that NONE of this is an intellectual enterprise; the language of the deity is feeling. The mind is a poor tool for unlocking the beauty that is your soul! Let it be content with cracking codes, identifying what needs to be identified in the office work of the soul. Let your heart lead you….not a heart filled with unresolved emotional issues, but a heart free from the entangling alliances that have thus far kept you caught up in karma, hurt, and lack of clarity. For once the heart is unburdened by the debris of the unresolved, it can soar beyond what you ever thought possible! Meditation will happen in the moment, peace will abide, and all that you have striven for in intellect will move smoothly through your feeling without any need to analyze or even understand in the usual way. I promise.
But knowing this, though, is just the first step. The next step, by being aware, is to simply stop wrestling with it. Change it within you. This is only done through forgiveness, a profound letting go. Like a kid who is upset with their friend or sibling, a child cannot stay mad for long. Do you remember this from your childhood? Surely you do. You got angry because someone was not nice to you, but an hour later, you were back to playing again, the offense forgotten forgiven, so that you could enjoy the fullness that play had to offer. When we forgive each other, when we forgive our own inner karmas, we then are more clear to feel that divine pulse.
Anyone not able to move the feminine within would most certainly dry out. In our own awareness we need both sides of our natures to spark creativity. When we feel the creative spark in us, we are bringing both into a unity, and its no surprise that we feel such excitement when we feel the pulse of the creative in us. Its pleasurable, enjoyable, and unifying. This creativity IS the dance of both sides of your being…left and right hemispheres, left and right natures (woman and man) and yin and yang…. But take one away and the dance stops. How on earth was such a dogma as put forth by the early church fathers able to stand for so long? We just weren’t ready. We had to work through thousands of years of paternalistic control to reach a place in our development where the possibility of seeing the deeper truth could emerge. And in perfect timing, those few scraps of truth emerged from the desert of Nag Hammadi in 1945, coming along at a time when we could begin to get the hint that it has offered. And in the end, it was only a reflection of what we have always known deep within us, for now as awakenings are happening with greater rapidity, people are discovering inside of themselves what the mystery schools kept mysterious. We ARE the mystery; delicious, wonderful and alive.
So here we are. Those who have ears to hear will hear. This isn’t about settling an old score, but writing a whole new score, a whole new song and learning from our mistakes from the past. We are more than we seem. We aren’t just women and men, but children of the divine, and while we each align along certain polarities energetically and physically, we are born with both male and female in us. Even our brains are mirrors of this polarity and one reason why we refer to one side of the body being masculine and feminine. In the Hindu tradition the kundalini is a dual current seen as two serpents, masculine and feminine, seeking to merge at the highest possible point in our awareness. All of these are images, and just as Philip cautioned in his gospel, will serve to shape your understanding. If we can move beyond the outward form and understand its all just pointing us in a given direction within and realize we don’t need to take this stuff so seriously “for the bible told me so” then we are more free to use our own inner light to find what is true for us.
So it comes down to the dance of what is within you…of knowing and feeling into that dance and the two who become one and thus birth a whole new consciousness, the forward edge of our time, the transformer of all you thought was precious into what is essential. the old order is falling away, and many scramble to try and retain control. The dance strengthens, builds in scope. Feeling into it is important. Feeling the masculine and the feminine and how precious their interaction is….sends waves of bliss through the infinite and DOES touch others! Nonlocal, without mass, this energy can and does cause instantaneous effects, as have been recently studied and experienced by those with Awakenings alive within.
What I know is that what is “true” though, is constantly changing, so trying to say there is some ultimate truth is a real problem and one reason why I stay away from it. We each must allow our own selves to unfold in perfect timing to the pulse of the All to discover what is ours to know. We can each remind ourselves of a few things that might be important along the way to consider, but its all part of a process. Beyond a realization of the divine triad is the healing that it can bring. Layer by layer, realizations come as we dig deeper and deeper through the countless lifetimes of karmic entanglement as we heal and find our Essential Selves. At the core of this, I feel, is no “ism” or ultimate truth but simply love. Being. Awareness. Its so childlike simple. Its not complicated, but we do complicate it with egoic and mentalized notions of the form is MUST take, which really tend to be reflections of our own misunderstandings of how it all works. Kind of like those dry canals, parroting things they really don’t even understand. Its so broad, it contains everything. Its not something you can encapsulate. The light of the Divine shines on all of us in such a perfect state of compassion that even the worst of us are given its light and promise.
The masculine is like what I call particalized consciousness. He is that singular sperm that travels on its own to find the ovum. But when He reaches the feminine, his form is broken down, destroyed in a sense, building material for the feminine to then do her part, which involves genesis. The masculine essence is melted from its hardened singularity to help in forming a world of infinite potential (look at how a fetus will reflect most life on the planet from reptile to mammal to primate as it develops in the womb of the mother!) Without the female, the male is this singular form swimming along with ONE thing on his mind. His act ultimately must be one of surrender, surrender of his very essence to the feminine, an act of surrendering what he THINKS he knows and instead opens him up to the dance of creation. He knows he is this spark, and he is entirely driven to BRING this spark.
Deep within the void, the entirely mysterious world of the feminine, she is potential, and endless world of flowing currents moving silently and wordlessly. Seemingly opposite from the Male, she is not always aware of what she can bring forth. If she chose what she thought she knew, her rich realm of possibility would itself be shuttered and limited. She is the birther of worlds, worlds far greater than anything she could or might conceive. She doesn’t NEED to know. She needs only to FEEL. She facilitates something greater than she through a nurturing attitude and essence. As the two merge, in feeling, she watches as the great mystery unfolds. In her nurturing and watery essence, life grows. She gives birth to something that is greater than the sum of her and her partner’s parts, and yet each have the capacity to feel the flow of life that emerges as a result of their union.
When kundalini showed me how things were all connected, as I was taken from my place here into the world of the amazingly small and amazingly huge, I saw a dual thread of these two currents moving through EVERYTHING. Atoms were attracted based on their negative and positive charges. Only by way of this action could life every begin, or ANY process occur in the physical. I saw how subatomic particles were pushed and pulled by this yin and yang force expressed in electrical and electromagnetic terms, and then how everything was built upon this, and how at still larger scales within the physical, there were other forces that we didn’t call simple negative and positive charges that served to pull objects closer. Through everything, though, there was this yin/yang dynamic. It is so in the physical because it is so within Consciousness.
Consciousness is the birther of all, not the other way around. The physical then bears the marks of its parent, as this is all a creation for the sake of creation. Within us we feel he pull of this as we ignite the spark of creativity within us. Being honest about the process, you will be able to see how the more solid parts of you initiates the process of creation where the wide open and formless part of you then nurtures this spark until it turns into the “a-ha!” moment that is your creative epiphany, Its interesting how separate Christ has been conceptualized in the doctrine….only through him and his Dad can you ever hope to reach this place of salvation. Actually, no. You can feel this higher order energy by simply allowing the masculine and feminine currents in your body to flow!
So forget what you know about yoga, postures, and processes. Forget what you THINK you know. When you look at it closely, this tradition is steeped in images that are not part of your experience most likely. The cultural knowledge involved with the gods and goddesses used to describe a given state or chakra point are useful for those who know, but its such a highly materialized method that it could well leave you losing out on the nuance of the experience.
FEEL instead how your own inner currents will spark the incredible tidal wave that is kundalini in you, for beyond all the centuries of efforts to put a practice to the feeling, it really only comes down to feeling, and a lovely meal can spark bliss as much as a yoga posture can. I never took part in meditation or yoga. No techniques….for me, this is a daily ongoing life that I lead, a prayer, a meditation that flows through my deepest self, connecting one to all. For as grandiose as that all sounds, it is true, and most who are awakened have experienced the same, speak about it the same way. Its not to say the techniques CANT help…..they just aren’t the thing, you know? The THING is how they can help you to find that feeling, whatever on earth THAT is….we are a little unsure what this feeling is, right? Whatever works, I say, but in the end, it all comes down to being willing to dance with unity instead of separation…and that means aligning to the universe, which is itself connected….and you become a beloved particle in an infinity of particles, all aware and all forming waves of experience.
We are addicted to wanting to know what the truth is through other sources at the expense of our own knowing. I have spent much of my life not getting into them. I didn’t know why I had this impulse until kundalini came along. For myself, I had to see this anew, and if I saw others saying the exact same things, well that’s a nice confirmation, but really we don’t need teachers to tell us what we already know deep down. We need ourselves so badly to come back into the moment in a way that we were all designed to do. It is the result of the merging of these two currents that the doors to something larger awaits. But this alone is not the “secret” or the “answer” or any of that. It is merely the very beginning of getting to the next step.
This one bit of truth only serves in your getting to the next step, where it will merge into a still larger and gathering sense of knowing that is continuous, not a destination but a simple way of BEING that can save your from your own worst issues and stumbling blocks (from all sorts of negative karmas of feeling victimized, or bad self esteem, not being loved enough by others when all along it was about your simply learning to love yourself so you can shine the light of the All within you and see just HOW much YOU are loved by this infinite consciousness!). It is NOT a doctrine, it is not some unwavering truth. It is merely a step upon which you can stand, and once you get to that place, new things will open up to you and if you were humble enough to be shown what they represent, you can begin to utilize kundalini as a kind of partner in your process of undoing thousands of years and countless lifetimes of separation. By not following what you THINK you know, you can be free to conceive anew.
The problem for most people is they can’t get out of their own way. Postures, beliefs, positions and agendas will get in the way and blind you to your deeper potential and inner Presence. I am here to whisper in your ear to be aware….always be aware….ask yourself what you need most to know and then watch the events in your life unfold, for they will tell you the story. Your own issues will be projected into your day to day life. Being humble enough not to make assumptions about what you want to see, or taking positions “Yes, but he is just keeping me from feeling good about myself!” (what???) Let your life show you, then consider how you might heal it. Once you heal it, it goes away instantly. Poof. I promise. That is just how powerful your infinite self is, but you simply need to know how to partner with it.
Its a bit like being a child. Not a teenager. The teenager wants to argue with the parent as they go and do some truly missguided things based on half knowledge. Smaller children will listen, for they do not have this rebelliousness. If you THINK you know, its likely you don’t…because its not about knowing. The Mystery School in Egypt told Pythagoras that they weren’t interested in knowledge when he came asking for admittance. They were interested in experience, they said. They sent him away saying you can fast, breathe, and focus on certain energy centers such as the third eye and maybe that will do it. He returned a changed man. He stopped needing to know and got into his body and through intent, a flash of the divine was awakened in him. The greatest mind of his day was reduced to saying that yes, knowledge was not the key. Being is key. Let your two currents meet!
Your Infinite Self is not about these positions of beliefs. Within it are contained ALL belief, all positions and postures in a state of perfect grace and forgiveness. You are here to marry both small and large, infinite and finite in a way that brings you fulfillment, and since you are individual, only you can decide what that is....and this is the marvel that is creation. What will you become or create today? Its yours! Yes, we all want to BELIEVE in something. It gives us a solid place to stand, but when you touch the infinite aspect of your being you realize just how ridiculous all of this can be to pretend that your system is somehow the end all. It is like a grain of sand in an endless dessert which dreams of when an ocean rolled over it eons ago. This side to your being simply IS. It is like the feminine in a way….and our particalized awareness is a bit like the masculine….always trying to figure things out, understanding the structure and mechanincs of all of it while the feminine stills his hand and says “watch the greatest mystery unfold darling….” as she recreates herself and inspires the masculine to feel into his more feminine side and thus inherit the infinite.
Its time that we stop the war. This war has raged between us and within us. Time for it to stop. Time to put down our weapons long enough to see what the interest of peace can be in creating a world where we could have a virtual rennaissance if we but let it. If we stop our warring between nations, we will begin to see how we can create for GOOD instead of feeding that old worn out machinery that has served to keep us seperate. But this seperation will continue as long as WE are ourselves mirroring that seperation. But things are changing. This is not about a male and female duality. It is about learning how the two can become ONE. Its about allowing the creative to serve the highest, and its about not playing tit for tat. I think we are ready, we just have to STOP the warring in ourselves and let the masculine and feminine within our boundless beings to help show us the way.
These are your parents, your divine parents, and they can show you how to be. Just as it is folly for men to think they have all the answers, it is equal folly for women to think they have them as well. We each have different answers, and they will lock in together under the canopy of mutual cooperation the way they were MADE to once we remove the distortive lenses of karma. Man to woman, woman to man, self within self, unifying its most basic parts. The current of the feminine and masculine within, once allowed to move, will begin to sweep away all your issues. It will cleanse you just as you have read kundalini will do….dissolving knots and cords in you. Yes. It also helps if you become an active and willing participant and listen to this entirely mysterious self that is your higher being. I cannot tell you where to go or what to do, but it can. And will. I so much want the world to come alive in Awakening that I do not seek any dogma or effort in mythologizing any of this. Some of the things that have been discussed in our history in various traditions TRIED to get the word out, but each, even the HIndu, were hampered by the cultural biases they have had against women. There is no time table, no 2012 where all of this MUST be done. This is like a sandbox, and we forget who put it together. We think if we destroy the sandbox we will somehow destroy all we know. We exist in the infinite, curled up within the nice illusion of time, learning that we are like children learning how to create. We need most to forgive each other, forgive ourselves, and put the past behind us so we can be clear enough to see what this new world offers us.
Namasté.
Everyone loves a mystery…..
When I went through the first part of my awakening, when kundalini began to pour through my body and awareness, I was VERY aware of what it was doing to me. The intelligent energy that is life force (which is all kundalini really is….but its in abundance…which means that you become more keenly aware of how AWARE this energy is). The most obvious thing that was happening was how aware I was of the three currents of energy that were interacting in my field. I could feel kundalini….two currents of energy….and when kundalini danced, when it merged and took part in that most ancient of dances within me (the dance of the masculine and feminine) I became aware that when the closer these two elements came together, the more energy was generated from them. It was orgasmic. It was bliss. The more I stopped needing to know and simply let them play through me, the stronger it got. It was surrendering to it. It was allowing myself to be seduced by it.
In the beginning there was some fear….what was this presence doing inside of me? Was I being taken over by something? My ego had some trouble with it, but bit by bit I learned to trust that this powerful force, like a force of nature, had only the best intentions. It was like a lover who was simply asking me to let go, to stop needing to know how it would all turn out, to trust in something I could not see touch or taste. It was an act of faith. It was turning away from the fear of the past to the promise of something still more. I also found that there was so much energy that I could not keep up with it. I later learned to begin utilizing this energy to fuel my creative work. It was a driving force, undifferentiated, like fuel is simply FUEL and we can go to the grocery store with it or go to the moon, your choice. In the process its very energy began to cleanse and burn through the knots in my creative life, in every aspect that it touched! This stuff was magic! So important, so central was this dance, this interaction felt to me, I began to understand our lives here in a whole new way.
When these two aspects of the divine touched, they created a third energy, and this energy was limitless and profound. It was like unlocking a great vault, revealing a wonderful juicy secret of our being. I was being asked to no longer be merely masculine. I was being asked, bidden, seduced even, to come see what the real cosmic consciousness was all about, and this is where what I observed all without the benefit of books or practices or teachers showed me, emerged as a kind of very simple art and science of the soul.
I also later found hidden texts buried in the Christian tradition that had not seen the light of day for almost two thousand years. In fact, some of these documents only emerged because of a very lucky find by a local shepherd in Nag Hammadi Egypt. So much wrestling over what Jesus had tried to say, and yet some of these texts, untouched by anyone transcribing or trying to translate them, revealled that what was being discussed was how one Awakened, that the Ressurection was something that had to do with something that happened WHILE you were alive, and there was so much missunderstanding about it that I highly suspect that the idea was used for the purposes of a select few who weren’t interested in spiritual awakening or ressurection, but in some idea passed down by a long-dead prophet that would catapult the Hebrew faith into the stratosphere after having a god-man come back to life. Clearly, they were talking about the same science and art of the soul, that when the two poles of the psyche are allowed to merge, something explosive results.
Unlike the conceptualizations made by much later followers, this was a passionate merging with the divine that wasn’t “pure” or full of grace. Its higher regions were achieved through grace, but this was a very hearty and powerful force, like lightening and gravity and volcanoes. This wasn’t about angels singing in some heavenly choir; this was how we reached the higher ranges of creative expression, the very embodiment of our essence as creative beings! We were born of a royal lineage, ALL of us, and this lineage was instigated through a passionate act of creation, and this urge to create has echoed down through our dna and our souls and hearts ever since. We ARE this force, and it is us….and this experience was whispering to me that it was all about the dance of these type archetypal images or forces in me. I had to learn to give up any funny feelings about it in order to allow these two forms to merge fully within myself. This was the dance of Shakti and Siva, this was the Thunder beings shooting down to the earth, filling Mother Earth with the lifegiving rain and invigorating lightening and thunder…these forms exist in larger scales in our consciousness because they exist in our higher beings……just as these forces exist throughout the entirety of the multiverse!
I had been on a spiritual search, and always felt the answer was within, but I later learned I really hadn’t gotten very far because my mind and ego were so involved that it had blocked my entry into its deeper mysteries. Here I was, there were no books, no writings, no articles, but this great and abiding Presence moving through me and what it was showing me was simple, basic, and interconnected. It was, and is, the very ESSENCE of connection. Everything was amazingly direct and powerful. The lights had been turned on. I leaned forward into its incredible power and flow and it took me into a world that swirled around me and showed me the basis for all form, for all life, for all things.
I was shown how everything was connected, that it was through a particle/wave relationship that extends through every single scale of existence. This energy poured through me and using my imagination as the gateway, it showed me how the dance of the masculine and feminine gave birth to worlds. The product of their union was an incredible awareness, a “child” of their dance, it was a triadic form of creation. This, I was shown, was how ALL creation took place. It was no mistake that we in our human form gave birth to new life through the union of the feminine and masculine. Further, these two were designed to work seamlessly and effortlessly. Somehow, we had mucked things up a good bit here where the masculine sought to control and the feminine had been sidelined in so many ways! It was apparent to me that if we could reflect the need for both within our OWN selves, that we would begin -person by person- to reflect this interconnectedness of these two aspects in ourselves. Just as the individual needed both, so did the world need both as an expression of itself.
The world, I saw, was like a person, made up of countless forms of life, all living like a cell in a still larger body…all set up for a cooperative venture. The body, though, just like the planet and each cell within the world of human awareness, was kind of sick. Bearing the burden of thousands of years of negative karma, it had grown sick. Our world was a perfect reflection of what was happening on the inside of each of us. Industry reflected a very masculine idea of how to USE the world, the earth, the female, in getting what it felt it needed in order to create. Things had ceased being a cooperative venture. We had become alienated from nature, from the feminine, and we both grew distrustful of the other even as we were inextricably drawn to the other. So here we had been, reflecting on larger scales what was a perfect mirror in all of us. Still drawn to each other, still needing the other for its creative pursuits, but creating through a broken karmic fracture….and through that fracture, that hurt and trauma, we could not glimpse the clearer and more beautiful and entirely majestic potential tied up within these two parts of us. Letting go of that fractured part, that broken lens that we have used for so long to see the world, was an important step in seeing and feeling more clearly.
How could we glimpse divine reality if the means of perceiving it were actually serving to distort things? The mind does its own stuff to perception. Ego does its own thing to our perceptions. Our beliefs, our hurts, our prejudices that went unobserved or examined, all play into this as we climb that ladder higher and higher. So much of what kundalini did was to stir the pot of the psyche, to loosen those old hard encrustations so they could fall away, little hurts that only clouded perception, traumas that served to bend our awareness and FEELING. Once they dropped away, the hurt resolved into joy, bliss, brilliance. Then, like an onion, the energy would then work like a drill to get at still deeper depths, deeper layers. All along, by keeping the two poles of the psyche together instead of apart, the bliss would roll onward and the self would want and crave ever greater levels of surrender, awakening to its beloved within…
I love you. And I am sorry. I am sorry that this all took place, that we did what we did to each other. But here we have a chance to wipe the slate clean and start over. It means that I have to set aside my need to say how you hurt me, and how important that hurt was over your own. And in the same way, you too must set aside your hurt through a tremendous act of Grace whereby you can see that the way of going forward without your burden will free up your divine potential so that we create in ridiculously wonderful ways….I mean, once you glimpse it, you just would not believe. But we can’t go forward by dragging the old dead horses of our past into this future. Its just wont work. Leave it be, and let it go. I remind myself to do this all the time. Some of our hurts are habitual….and we don’t even realize it! The way to be happy is to BE happy. Its not a destination or a process, it just is. Everything else that does not align will eventually fall away. For as much as I have sometimes wanted to KNOW what was at work, I know that these old things go because they are no longer needed. If something falls off your apple cart that no longer serves you, to what purpose is stopping to see what it was that fell serve you? If it fell away, it no longer had a purpose in your being. Allowing your habituation to that old hurt move you to go pick it back up doesn’t serve the resurrection.
We need to breathe the fresh new air of what this new world represents. Its not pie in the sky, I promise. But as long as we drag the old stuff in, it will clutter and energize those old memes such that they remain active. Then you will only think about how my kind hurt your kind, all the while not realizing we ARE the same kind! You, in your feminine will say you were the one hurt and turn away. I, in my masculine will say how I was hurt, and will turn away. And while turned away from each other, will be drawn or pushed away from the other not through the divine, but through the karmic. We will be drawn because of the Law of Attraction. And we will simply put forward what has been what our past has been all about. These karmas actually act as a cell in you and have their own life in you and will grow all through you until the only way to get them out is to pluck them root and all. How that is done so utterly escapes people because of how simple it it. Mind and ego will tell you its hard, but its not. Just consider that things can be better for all of us, and I promise you, THAT will have more effect than you could ever realize. By realizing that its all about these two pulses of life, that they are the ESSENCE of both Being and becoming more awake, and healing, you can simply recognize that what is happening to you is natural and perfect. The masculine moves into the feminine. The feminine takes from the male and the male gives up some part of himself. He lets go, surrenders to Her incredible bliss, and here the fracture in the self is made whole. This was what they intended to teach, WERE teaching so long ago. It has surfaced in various forms throughout the planet. Its not an ism based thing, it s a HUMAN thing!
“Whoah! The religious types sure are going to have a problem with this one!” I thought.
I came to realize that this Divine Third, as I began referring to it, MUST be the Christ Consciousness (but forget what the books would have you to know how you get there or what its all about). It was also, by extension, all of the forms used in other traditions to describe it. Maybe this was Krishna Consciousness. Perhaps this was what Buddha felt streaming through him, surrounded in a sea of bliss. Because I had spent years not reading up on other traditions (now I understand why this impulse was so strong in me….I had to begin to experience it directly before I began the process of looking to see what the old stuff had to say), I really didn’t know that much about the specifics of these other traditions (and in many ways I still don’t). I had some general knowledge, but I just never paid that much attention. I had to assume, though, that this was spread throughout all of humankind. This was a very human thing.
It was clear that in Christianity there was a triad, but this was always expressed as a kind of exclusive boys club. The Holy Ghost was a total mystery. It was a GHOST! I found myself reading the words of a man who had left the seminary after he began to see what he felt was an effort to massage the truth. He was very much into translating documents, and he knew both Latin and Greek. He read how scholars would disagree about the meaning of one word, and he also saw how the very basis of Canon in the church was tweeked by how these singular words were translated. The gist of a passage and a whole teaching could be colored by how that one word was interpreted. He wondered aloud if the doctrine of repentance wasn’t itself merely Jesus’s insistance that we learn to think differently. He went into the language stuff and immediately I felt intuitively that he was right. My kundalini senses were going off the chart. I followed where it led me and it ended up with some documents that came out of the Egyptian desert of a place near Nag Hammadi. Most of them were hard to read. I skimmed. But then I came to a document called the Gospel of Thomas.
It turned out that I wrote something a year prior when kundalini was just getting underway in me. In it, I spoke of the dance of creation, how ALL of life was bound up in this passionate bliss of recreation, and how the simplest of life forms are motivated by this bliss to create anew. In it I wrote how my smile becomes your smile, how my eye becomes your eye, how our bodies and awareness merge into a singularity of purpose that is the very essence of creation. At the time it felt like a very original way of creating imagery visually, and in a way that brought some sense to what it was I was feeling, of how desire actually is the creative impulse seeking expression…and this was true both on a sexual level as well as a spiritual one. When I read Thomas, he quotes Jesus as saying that the left hand becomes the right, and the right hand becomes the left, the man becomes the woman, and the woman becomes the man. Instantly I knew that this was the process of integrating these aspects in the self in order that awakening could continue and unfold. And it was being described in an identical way. Perfect.
Then, much later, I found the Gospel of Philip. Much of the language was hard to get around. A lot of it didn’t spark anything in me. Kundalini would rest silent until I read a few lines where he said that those who say Mary begot with with the Holy Ghost were in error. “Why would a woman beget with a woman?” No, he insisted, these people were in error. It was a big and very obvious point that I didn’t get right away. But kundalini was shouting at the roof tops in its wordless way, waiving its arms as if to say there was something there that was very important. So I kept at it, not completely sure what this as yet unresolved issue was (I must be kind of thick for not getting it). It took reading the work of Bart Ehrman in his book “Jesus Interrupted” in order for me to get it. It was so simple. Why didn’t I get it? Philip was saying that the Holy Ghost was the feminine aspect of the divine, and a woman does not create with another woman. So simple; this was not how it worked!
The dance of masculine and feminine, in order to create new life, involves the energy of both sides of consciousness. Here was a highly symbolized language where a teacher of ours was cast in the role of the child, the product of this deeper mystery which was the masculine and feminine. It felt as though we had created a real life event out of our deeper spirit stuff. The Logos was being projected upon the screen of human events in order to reflect back to us a deeper truth, or element, in our inner workings. Or had it simply been manufactured as that, a clever way to inject this information so that it would stick in our teachings so we would not forget? Whatever the case, the Church, when it was formed 300 years after the death of its chief teacher, would do everything it could to sweep one of its most important aspects to understanding the mysteries under the rug.
So the manual as written expresses the wrongful notion that the way to the Light is by way of a male-only club where only by the son and father can one know the kingdom. Well, that was what this thorn in my side was all about. Once I was able to clarify the picture for my conscious self, the urgency concerning something having been hidden began to soften and fall away. After all this time, I had found it. It is though the cooperative dance of the woman in each of us and the man in each of us that we find the essence of the kingdom; creative energy. Through the orgasmic spark of their union, we create the Sacred Third. None of these exist separately, though. They do not wait upon the other, they are part of each other. I can feel them existing simultaneously together, not the result of one coming into the other, then the other birthing…no, instantly each would give rise to something more instantly and THIS energy would unfold within us in an entirely magical way, serving to show us the way, a simple path of beauty and truth instead of hurt and pain and recrimination. Only in duality do they seem to be separate. It all made sense.
In the Apocalypse of Peter, the author called the early church followers “dry canals,” they had become bereft of any understanding of the deeper mystery and spirit that the Christ dwelled within. not in some realm away from us with his father, but something that I will take one step further and say is not simply an objective being but is a fundamental force of consciousness that its more like wind or our heart beating. Its who we are. Women have this….but its not sexual….there is a feminine Christ and masculine one. Once we have it, we don’t even need to give it a name. We can divorce it from the tradition that sought to keep it secret for so long, hiding it perhaps out of their own damned ignorance. When we flash that divine masculine and feminine in us, the world takes notice. It is so beautiful people will drop what they are doing to pay attention to it. We all crave this, a long lost traveler in our souls and hearts finally coming home (actually it was always there…we were like the angry teens that refused to see what was in front of our noses all the time)….
I knew that without the awareness of the importance of the feminine, the whole process was short circuited! Look at how every lofty religions sough to treat its women! Even the Hindu traditions sideline women. If y9ou doubt me, look at how Shakti is treated in the divine dance of kundalini. It is she who is the “raw” energy that must travel up the spine to meet her lover who sits in perfected repose in the crown! What utter bullshit! Shakti and Siva, if you want to call them that, travel together! And that gurus and yogis all these centuries turned a blind eye to this truth in their own bodies will tell you the degree to which they were themselves infected with the hurt and pain and need to exert control and continue the errors of the past! I am here to shake out the chaff of dry leaves so that you may know the fruit lying in the branches. The degree to which we see the female as beneath us in spirit will be the degree to which we treat her the same way in the world. Shakti was not treated as the equal. In Christianity, woman is kind of an afterthought in a way, and a rib was taken to make her. Really? Not a piece of Adam’s heart? Not a part of his very soul? Why not that? Maybe a little prefrontal lobe? Please folks, look at your traditions and see what they are reflecting back to you! Even Philip in his hidden gsopel (Nag Hammadi) cautioned how creating an image could effect how the concept in which it is enshrined could effect it. None of this is anything we can truly give form to, even though we try. Perhaps it is one reason why there are so many allusions, metaphors and descriptions, all knowingly NOT the thing being described, but describe AROUND it. Even the concept of the chakras, with their very eastern artistic effects are only themselves an image. The reality is that they are far more than any image or description could ever communicate. This is most certainly something we must FEEL for in intellectualizing and mentalizing it, we are left with a corpse. It might be a delicious one, but in the end it is only that. Here we are faced with our deeper selves, our Essential Being, the powerful currents of our higher being bubbling up from the depths! Embrace it! Listening to it, quietly, let it teach you what it most certainly can! the degree to which we insert our own biases and ideas is the degree to which we lose sight of the precious wonder of the EXPERIENCE! I promise you that NONE of this is an intellectual enterprise; the language of the deity is feeling. The mind is a poor tool for unlocking the beauty that is your soul! Let it be content with cracking codes, identifying what needs to be identified in the office work of the soul. Let your heart lead you….not a heart filled with unresolved emotional issues, but a heart free from the entangling alliances that have thus far kept you caught up in karma, hurt, and lack of clarity. For once the heart is unburdened by the debris of the unresolved, it can soar beyond what you ever thought possible! Meditation will happen in the moment, peace will abide, and all that you have striven for in intellect will move smoothly through your feeling without any need to analyze or even understand in the usual way. I promise.
But knowing this, though, is just the first step. The next step, by being aware, is to simply stop wrestling with it. Change it within you. This is only done through forgiveness, a profound letting go. Like a kid who is upset with their friend or sibling, a child cannot stay mad for long. Do you remember this from your childhood? Surely you do. You got angry because someone was not nice to you, but an hour later, you were back to playing again, the offense forgotten forgiven, so that you could enjoy the fullness that play had to offer. When we forgive each other, when we forgive our own inner karmas, we then are more clear to feel that divine pulse.
Anyone not able to move the feminine within would most certainly dry out. In our own awareness we need both sides of our natures to spark creativity. When we feel the creative spark in us, we are bringing both into a unity, and its no surprise that we feel such excitement when we feel the pulse of the creative in us. Its pleasurable, enjoyable, and unifying. This creativity IS the dance of both sides of your being…left and right hemispheres, left and right natures (woman and man) and yin and yang…. But take one away and the dance stops. How on earth was such a dogma as put forth by the early church fathers able to stand for so long? We just weren’t ready. We had to work through thousands of years of paternalistic control to reach a place in our development where the possibility of seeing the deeper truth could emerge. And in perfect timing, those few scraps of truth emerged from the desert of Nag Hammadi in 1945, coming along at a time when we could begin to get the hint that it has offered. And in the end, it was only a reflection of what we have always known deep within us, for now as awakenings are happening with greater rapidity, people are discovering inside of themselves what the mystery schools kept mysterious. We ARE the mystery; delicious, wonderful and alive.
So here we are. Those who have ears to hear will hear. This isn’t about settling an old score, but writing a whole new score, a whole new song and learning from our mistakes from the past. We are more than we seem. We aren’t just women and men, but children of the divine, and while we each align along certain polarities energetically and physically, we are born with both male and female in us. Even our brains are mirrors of this polarity and one reason why we refer to one side of the body being masculine and feminine. In the Hindu tradition the kundalini is a dual current seen as two serpents, masculine and feminine, seeking to merge at the highest possible point in our awareness. All of these are images, and just as Philip cautioned in his gospel, will serve to shape your understanding. If we can move beyond the outward form and understand its all just pointing us in a given direction within and realize we don’t need to take this stuff so seriously “for the bible told me so” then we are more free to use our own inner light to find what is true for us.
So it comes down to the dance of what is within you…of knowing and feeling into that dance and the two who become one and thus birth a whole new consciousness, the forward edge of our time, the transformer of all you thought was precious into what is essential. the old order is falling away, and many scramble to try and retain control. The dance strengthens, builds in scope. Feeling into it is important. Feeling the masculine and the feminine and how precious their interaction is….sends waves of bliss through the infinite and DOES touch others! Nonlocal, without mass, this energy can and does cause instantaneous effects, as have been recently studied and experienced by those with Awakenings alive within.
What I know is that what is “true” though, is constantly changing, so trying to say there is some ultimate truth is a real problem and one reason why I stay away from it. We each must allow our own selves to unfold in perfect timing to the pulse of the All to discover what is ours to know. We can each remind ourselves of a few things that might be important along the way to consider, but its all part of a process. Beyond a realization of the divine triad is the healing that it can bring. Layer by layer, realizations come as we dig deeper and deeper through the countless lifetimes of karmic entanglement as we heal and find our Essential Selves. At the core of this, I feel, is no “ism” or ultimate truth but simply love. Being. Awareness. Its so childlike simple. Its not complicated, but we do complicate it with egoic and mentalized notions of the form is MUST take, which really tend to be reflections of our own misunderstandings of how it all works. Kind of like those dry canals, parroting things they really don’t even understand. Its so broad, it contains everything. Its not something you can encapsulate. The light of the Divine shines on all of us in such a perfect state of compassion that even the worst of us are given its light and promise.
The masculine is like what I call particalized consciousness. He is that singular sperm that travels on its own to find the ovum. But when He reaches the feminine, his form is broken down, destroyed in a sense, building material for the feminine to then do her part, which involves genesis. The masculine essence is melted from its hardened singularity to help in forming a world of infinite potential (look at how a fetus will reflect most life on the planet from reptile to mammal to primate as it develops in the womb of the mother!) Without the female, the male is this singular form swimming along with ONE thing on his mind. His act ultimately must be one of surrender, surrender of his very essence to the feminine, an act of surrendering what he THINKS he knows and instead opens him up to the dance of creation. He knows he is this spark, and he is entirely driven to BRING this spark.
Deep within the void, the entirely mysterious world of the feminine, she is potential, and endless world of flowing currents moving silently and wordlessly. Seemingly opposite from the Male, she is not always aware of what she can bring forth. If she chose what she thought she knew, her rich realm of possibility would itself be shuttered and limited. She is the birther of worlds, worlds far greater than anything she could or might conceive. She doesn’t NEED to know. She needs only to FEEL. She facilitates something greater than she through a nurturing attitude and essence. As the two merge, in feeling, she watches as the great mystery unfolds. In her nurturing and watery essence, life grows. She gives birth to something that is greater than the sum of her and her partner’s parts, and yet each have the capacity to feel the flow of life that emerges as a result of their union.
When kundalini showed me how things were all connected, as I was taken from my place here into the world of the amazingly small and amazingly huge, I saw a dual thread of these two currents moving through EVERYTHING. Atoms were attracted based on their negative and positive charges. Only by way of this action could life every begin, or ANY process occur in the physical. I saw how subatomic particles were pushed and pulled by this yin and yang force expressed in electrical and electromagnetic terms, and then how everything was built upon this, and how at still larger scales within the physical, there were other forces that we didn’t call simple negative and positive charges that served to pull objects closer. Through everything, though, there was this yin/yang dynamic. It is so in the physical because it is so within Consciousness.
Consciousness is the birther of all, not the other way around. The physical then bears the marks of its parent, as this is all a creation for the sake of creation. Within us we feel he pull of this as we ignite the spark of creativity within us. Being honest about the process, you will be able to see how the more solid parts of you initiates the process of creation where the wide open and formless part of you then nurtures this spark until it turns into the “a-ha!” moment that is your creative epiphany, Its interesting how separate Christ has been conceptualized in the doctrine….only through him and his Dad can you ever hope to reach this place of salvation. Actually, no. You can feel this higher order energy by simply allowing the masculine and feminine currents in your body to flow!
So forget what you know about yoga, postures, and processes. Forget what you THINK you know. When you look at it closely, this tradition is steeped in images that are not part of your experience most likely. The cultural knowledge involved with the gods and goddesses used to describe a given state or chakra point are useful for those who know, but its such a highly materialized method that it could well leave you losing out on the nuance of the experience.
FEEL instead how your own inner currents will spark the incredible tidal wave that is kundalini in you, for beyond all the centuries of efforts to put a practice to the feeling, it really only comes down to feeling, and a lovely meal can spark bliss as much as a yoga posture can. I never took part in meditation or yoga. No techniques….for me, this is a daily ongoing life that I lead, a prayer, a meditation that flows through my deepest self, connecting one to all. For as grandiose as that all sounds, it is true, and most who are awakened have experienced the same, speak about it the same way. Its not to say the techniques CANT help…..they just aren’t the thing, you know? The THING is how they can help you to find that feeling, whatever on earth THAT is….we are a little unsure what this feeling is, right? Whatever works, I say, but in the end, it all comes down to being willing to dance with unity instead of separation…and that means aligning to the universe, which is itself connected….and you become a beloved particle in an infinity of particles, all aware and all forming waves of experience.
We are addicted to wanting to know what the truth is through other sources at the expense of our own knowing. I have spent much of my life not getting into them. I didn’t know why I had this impulse until kundalini came along. For myself, I had to see this anew, and if I saw others saying the exact same things, well that’s a nice confirmation, but really we don’t need teachers to tell us what we already know deep down. We need ourselves so badly to come back into the moment in a way that we were all designed to do. It is the result of the merging of these two currents that the doors to something larger awaits. But this alone is not the “secret” or the “answer” or any of that. It is merely the very beginning of getting to the next step.
This one bit of truth only serves in your getting to the next step, where it will merge into a still larger and gathering sense of knowing that is continuous, not a destination but a simple way of BEING that can save your from your own worst issues and stumbling blocks (from all sorts of negative karmas of feeling victimized, or bad self esteem, not being loved enough by others when all along it was about your simply learning to love yourself so you can shine the light of the All within you and see just HOW much YOU are loved by this infinite consciousness!). It is NOT a doctrine, it is not some unwavering truth. It is merely a step upon which you can stand, and once you get to that place, new things will open up to you and if you were humble enough to be shown what they represent, you can begin to utilize kundalini as a kind of partner in your process of undoing thousands of years and countless lifetimes of separation. By not following what you THINK you know, you can be free to conceive anew.
The problem for most people is they can’t get out of their own way. Postures, beliefs, positions and agendas will get in the way and blind you to your deeper potential and inner Presence. I am here to whisper in your ear to be aware….always be aware….ask yourself what you need most to know and then watch the events in your life unfold, for they will tell you the story. Your own issues will be projected into your day to day life. Being humble enough not to make assumptions about what you want to see, or taking positions “Yes, but he is just keeping me from feeling good about myself!” (what???) Let your life show you, then consider how you might heal it. Once you heal it, it goes away instantly. Poof. I promise. That is just how powerful your infinite self is, but you simply need to know how to partner with it.
Its a bit like being a child. Not a teenager. The teenager wants to argue with the parent as they go and do some truly missguided things based on half knowledge. Smaller children will listen, for they do not have this rebelliousness. If you THINK you know, its likely you don’t…because its not about knowing. The Mystery School in Egypt told Pythagoras that they weren’t interested in knowledge when he came asking for admittance. They were interested in experience, they said. They sent him away saying you can fast, breathe, and focus on certain energy centers such as the third eye and maybe that will do it. He returned a changed man. He stopped needing to know and got into his body and through intent, a flash of the divine was awakened in him. The greatest mind of his day was reduced to saying that yes, knowledge was not the key. Being is key. Let your two currents meet!
Your Infinite Self is not about these positions of beliefs. Within it are contained ALL belief, all positions and postures in a state of perfect grace and forgiveness. You are here to marry both small and large, infinite and finite in a way that brings you fulfillment, and since you are individual, only you can decide what that is....and this is the marvel that is creation. What will you become or create today? Its yours! Yes, we all want to BELIEVE in something. It gives us a solid place to stand, but when you touch the infinite aspect of your being you realize just how ridiculous all of this can be to pretend that your system is somehow the end all. It is like a grain of sand in an endless dessert which dreams of when an ocean rolled over it eons ago. This side to your being simply IS. It is like the feminine in a way….and our particalized awareness is a bit like the masculine….always trying to figure things out, understanding the structure and mechanincs of all of it while the feminine stills his hand and says “watch the greatest mystery unfold darling….” as she recreates herself and inspires the masculine to feel into his more feminine side and thus inherit the infinite.
Its time that we stop the war. This war has raged between us and within us. Time for it to stop. Time to put down our weapons long enough to see what the interest of peace can be in creating a world where we could have a virtual rennaissance if we but let it. If we stop our warring between nations, we will begin to see how we can create for GOOD instead of feeding that old worn out machinery that has served to keep us seperate. But this seperation will continue as long as WE are ourselves mirroring that seperation. But things are changing. This is not about a male and female duality. It is about learning how the two can become ONE. Its about allowing the creative to serve the highest, and its about not playing tit for tat. I think we are ready, we just have to STOP the warring in ourselves and let the masculine and feminine within our boundless beings to help show us the way.
These are your parents, your divine parents, and they can show you how to be. Just as it is folly for men to think they have all the answers, it is equal folly for women to think they have them as well. We each have different answers, and they will lock in together under the canopy of mutual cooperation the way they were MADE to once we remove the distortive lenses of karma. Man to woman, woman to man, self within self, unifying its most basic parts. The current of the feminine and masculine within, once allowed to move, will begin to sweep away all your issues. It will cleanse you just as you have read kundalini will do….dissolving knots and cords in you. Yes. It also helps if you become an active and willing participant and listen to this entirely mysterious self that is your higher being. I cannot tell you where to go or what to do, but it can. And will. I so much want the world to come alive in Awakening that I do not seek any dogma or effort in mythologizing any of this. Some of the things that have been discussed in our history in various traditions TRIED to get the word out, but each, even the HIndu, were hampered by the cultural biases they have had against women. There is no time table, no 2012 where all of this MUST be done. This is like a sandbox, and we forget who put it together. We think if we destroy the sandbox we will somehow destroy all we know. We exist in the infinite, curled up within the nice illusion of time, learning that we are like children learning how to create. We need most to forgive each other, forgive ourselves, and put the past behind us so we can be clear enough to see what this new world offers us.
Namasté.
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