Friday, March 30, 2012

The Price of Admission

Getting to awakening is the source of a lot of consternation.  Some conjecture, some myth-building, and some wisdom for good measure.

  I suspect that for some people some drugs serve to be a mirror to what they know deep down inside is THE mother of all experiences.  Each person is different, and I suspect that there is a kind of drug use based on physiology.  Some go for speedy drugs, some for more opiates and some for still others for other reasons.  There are the psychoactive drugs and these cover a broad swath and touch upon the speedy and opiates.  While all of this hints at something deeper, it isn’t the deeper thing.
In your body is the perfect pharmacopia for this experience.  In fact, learning how to ride the cosmic wave is all about learning through feeling for how to perch atop that wave and ride it in perfect bliss. If you open to it, the universe will start to talk to you.  You might not see mandalas turning in the sun or flowers emit smells you never really had EVER smelled like that before or saw something in a friend in such a way that it had never existed in your normal day to day consciousness, but this awareness wont wear off either. The world will continue to be silky and sumptuous, sensual, sexy even, and wonderful. When you need to know stuff, stuff will come to you.  It will be as though you are seeing into the center of all life…because this thing in you IS life.  Perhaps others will have other experiences, but that’s what I seem to get off this wonderfilled experience called awakening.
I don’t have to buy something illegal because my body produces the chemistry already and pretty dependably. I don’t have to worry about someone coming after me or of getting a bad batch.  I also don’t have to worry about how hard this will be on my body.  There are some advantages to this natural chemistry within.  For one, this stuff seems to be slowing my aging.  All my siblings are grey and I am not. My sister four years younger is almost completely grey.  I am just getting strands still. And they are on the rise, yes, but it seems that since my awakening, certain aspects of aging have slowed considerably.I have some of the deepest states of rapture where I am connected to something larger, a larger consciousness, a larger web of life.  Its not just an idea, its an experience.  Its not reflected to me in kaleidoscopic images, but through a deep and building sense of awareness, like I am on to something.  Its less as though something is happpening TO me as I and IT are happening to each other.  There is also information encoded within the experience, a knowingness, a creative field where anything I am interested in can be apprehended in some way that is entirely mysterious, but that shows just how important my ability to feel and BE is. I can ignore it, and the bliss is perfectly happy to carry me along.  I can dive down into it, and that is fine too.

And for as good as all of that is, I do have some bad trips. I don’t want it to seem like its all roses.  For as long as I have issues that tangle me up, the energy which is pure can get bent or distorted.  The resulting lack of ease has taught me that I must learn to always follow the bliss, even if this might be something that my culture has taught me not to do, like there is somehow something wrong with being happy (its kind of silly looking back on it…) The truth is, this is a kind of tiller of your psychic soil.  If there are some nasty slugs laying low, this will certain churn them up.  And in the end, its a blessing even though until you realize how to deal with all of this stuff it can be a little hard.  Some substances do the same thing sometimes, and what we experience as a bad trip is just the material within expressing itself and taking what could be bliss and distorting it some.  When the kundalini blues comes, its an invitation to learn how to let go of something buried in your subconscious.  Once its been rooted out, its never as horrible as it seemed when you went walking through the dark garden of your soul at night looking to kill off that noxious weed you knew would wrap itself around your foot and drag you into its lair.  Its actually just the opposite.  Its more like a mouse instead of a dragon, and its gone in a twinkling, never to return.  Like that.  And your life changes because of it.  Your vibration is different now, and you begin to attract based on that new vibration without that strand of karmic stuff competing with all the other stuff inside of you.  When this happens, it makes the next layer or next issue a little easier.  Having these kinds of successes is big because knowing that there is a means for dealing with these hard places within is very assuring for the journey ahead.

Consider my earlier post, which was itself a short one where my posts are considered….its about looking for stuff outside of you.  Obviously you are here in a psychical body to experience all this has to offer, but on a larger level, the species is learning one very important lesson that this awakening stuff offers, which is that we have been looking outside of ourselves for a long time for the things we need, so focused on the physical side that we have forgotten the other side of the coin, which is every bit as important as the material side of experience.  We THINK someone is out there to show us the way.  Don’t feel bad, I had this very same feeling.  Someone out there was going to be able to tell me or show me exactly what I needed to know.  Long story, but it would make sense if you knew the long story.  But not here.  Not now.  I have to keep this under 350 pages!  :-)

What I am saying is its IN you.  Intention, inner work, all of those things, can help bring forth the fountain of awakening.  Sure, a teacher might be inculcated in the process, but realize that that person may be the result of your inner self drawing that person to you, or setting up the circumstances for y9our meeting or engaging in a learning environment.  Realizing that, learning to honor the healing and growth that could come from such an exchange or relationship is a good thing, but it may not be the end-all be-all.  You are the end-all in this, and getting yourself to a place where you can become a conduit for the divine for your own joy and uplifting is a VERY healthy thing in the realm of spirit.  There is some talk of the transfer of this energy from person to person, but honestly, I think it sticks when we are ready.  Ultimately its up to you.  You are in control. If your ego has been sailing the ship and its time for the ego to let loose its grip, your inner knowing may or may not come forward enough to press for some opportunities for change.  In the end, all of you must be engaged in this pursuit in order for change to come, for healing to happen.  And when you do heal, it loosens those old threads that have had you tangled up and you are better able to approach that simple light of the infinite within which has one very basic foundation, which is love, and its unconditional.  Its the karma and the resulting threads that put conditions on things.  As we heal we can hold ever an ever greater and deeper awareness of ourselves as who we are under all the layers.

So its in you.  When you take substances that mimic aspects of the pharmacopia inside of you, you can also cause your body to produce less of that chemistry, which can be a concern because it can create dependence on it.  Some substances trigger a dopamine release such as sex and nicotine, for example.   Some substances may supply it directly, such as the euphoria from some narcotics.  Being able to get the chemistry within you is the most direct method that will mirror a directness in your being with your divine awareness, too.  I am not saying that a drug wont help you to glimpse what is possible.  I think it can, but I also feel that most drugs are just one facet of a still larger experience that can only be properly experienced in your own skin and with your own body reflecting a system that’s running in alignment with the energy that is trying to situate itself in you.  So as a catalyst, it might be just the thing, or not.  It might lead you to a sense like there is something more, perhaps a more direct experience, as happened with me.  We live in a day when we are being showered with the idea that we can get our problems solved with a pill.  These are the interests of the big drug companies, and their agenda is in making as much money as they can.  Children stay on anti anxiety medicines instead of doing the therapy that would rid them of the anxiety producing event in the first place.  Each day they take a pill they are reminded of how sick they are, instead of placing the power of healing in their hands.  There are a lot of voices in all of this, and its important to know what you need.  Do you need a kick start?  Steve Jobs credits taking l.s.d. as an important moment for him. It loosened up a rather tight self so that it could consider other things. It might be that the kick start is an event, a miraculous kind of coincidence that brings a teacher to your door, someone who will mirror a deeper sense in you that the universe is entirely magical and all you need to do is believe in that magical self.  There is no one road, and my hope is that the world learns to find the thing inside of them which can crack open their normal worlds and show them just how possible finding a better place can be. And as we heal and grow, so does the world.  The world is, after all, a giant mirror.

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